Taiwan Number 1

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Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

Jeoh posted:

People screaming while someone's pole gets bent, sounds like a typical Dongguan experience

Chicken means prostitutes

# ¿ Aug 31, 2017 16:50

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# ¿ May 15, 2024 20:21

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

How Haier became a bloated mess and blames it all on Ancient Chinese Wisdom, or, The story of how I became a Mainlander for a while.

Tonight I had an epiphany and a flood of memories that I hadn't thought about since when it first happened.

I was running and pushed myself to go about 1km further than I usually do because my breathing was pretty good and my legs were keeping a steady pace. The last couple hundred meters I increased pace until it was a full sprint. My body was a little upset by the end of it and I was breathing pretty hard. It was that deep chest breathing where your lungs feel like they want to explode.
After the gym or a good run, my stomach is always flat and fine. Later it seems to capture air and stays a little round that way. I don't drink, and contrary to my posts, I don't binge eat daily. If I eat more than a small meal, the air tummy is annoying to me but subsides after a little walk or standing for a while. It's not even gas, though I wouldn't mind blowing huge farts to fit in with the locals.

So the epiphany was tonight I had that girl over that I had been seeing recently. We ate dinner in my room and then she went home. Her stomach is always absurdly flat, and I noticed she doesn't breath into her stomach the way I do. I do it so hard, and have done it for so long, that somehow I didn't put it together that my gulping air directly into my stomach is the difference between my fine stomach after a run and my bloat at other times. Why do I breath directly into my stomach? That's retarded, right?

I blame China.

When I was 19, I got into martial arts because my roommates were always "training." One of them was a guy that competed in Muay Thai for money (in Thailand), another just liked getting into fights, and one guy I worked with was a legit MMA fighter that was making a few thousand USD per fight at the time (mid-2000s). I was too busy to take actual lessons or join a fighting gym, so I just had my friends show me stuff and we'd wrestle around and practice stuff outside on the lawn. It wasn't very useful, but it was fun. Young dudes tend to like that kind of horseplay.
So one day I was at the library looking at books about martial arts and saw stack of taiji books and rented one, along with that Bruce Lee series. I dicked around with the taiji book and practiced the slow moves, but found the weird philosophy about chi/qi interesting at the time.

The old rear end in a top hat that wrote the book had a big section about "bad" habits based on traditional Chinese medicine and qi power thought, and how to correct them since modern society was screwing up our latent superpowers. I had never been to China at that time, didn't know anything about Chinese history, and bought into the mystic ancient Chinese secrets stolen from Shaw Brothers movies, so it was my first exposure to all of these contradictory "hot water good for healthy" ideas that old rednecks on the Mainland jerk themselves dry over. It was the loving jackpot of how to enter the 36 chambers as a full-fledged warrior, just like all dudes in China must be. Romance of the Three Kingdoms was totally real, right?

Since taiji focuses a lot on the breathing and pushing the breath and energy to the lower "dan tian" (下丹田), the writer made a very strong admonition against "Western" breathing, and how "Westerners" can never do proper taiji and gain super qi iron shirts because they breath wrong. What is wrong with "Westerner" breathing? They breath in their chest! This blocks flow of all the good universal energies, and that is a big reason why non-Chinese are so ANGRY all the time. Because we breath in our chests, we develop diabetes and hyper-tension. We are always running around, breathing deeply into our lungs and filling our chests, and that's why we as a society are so unhappy. Chinese are slim and happy and never get health problems ever because they all breath into their stomachs and let the energy flow to the lower dan tian. He said to just look at babies. They breath into their stomach and are happy and sleep so good, and their stomachs are round and full of air until our evil society teaches us to focus our breathing into our lungs because of awful stuff like running and exercise that Westerners do not realize is not healthy for them at all compared to ancient Chinese health systems. We are so busy lifting weights and jogging that we don't realize we are shortening our lives and destroying our qi forever. **

I was shocked. My blood pressure was not so good at the time due poor sleep, eating too much salt, and a ton of stress at my 50+ hours per week job. If my breathing could be the reason why my blood pressure was so poor, and not the other stuff, then I really needed to fix it.

He recommended these exercises where you force every breath into your stomach. I tried it and it hurt. My stomach and the surrounding muscles had no desire to cooperate with this bullshit. I didn't realize I was fighting my esophagus. It was completely unnatural to put so much god drat air into one's stomach when breathing. He said it would take a few weeks for the body to adjust and make the switch to become natural. After about two weeks of trying it daily, especially while doing my nightly jogs, my body gave up and let it become my natural breathing style.

The first thing I noticed when it became natural to me was how loving lazy it is. The slightest inhale would go and get trapped down below. My stomach was always full of air. I was too busy with my lovely lifestyle to try to revert back to not-retarded breathing, and later forgot about it. While eating, my stomach would get round when it had never done it before. I never thought it, since all the old guys I knew would have the same problem and I figured it was normal (I way too young, and those guys were heavy drinkers).

Sometimes when I wanted to die after eating a larger meal, I would Google ways to cure bloating or the causes of it. The lists always mentioned a cause being "inhaling too much air while eating." I would think "What? Who would do that?" LOL, me. For over a decade without realizing it.

Tonight, thanks to holding the stomach of an ultra-slim yoga queen and not feeling her stomach rise to mountainous heights when she breathed, and then later running and feeling the burn in my chest, it all came rushing back to me. I decided to fix it and do the reverse of what that idiot book taught me. My lungs are a little tight with my deep shoulder-rising inhales, but I need to unlearn this TCM horseshit if I want to enjoy eating and taking my shirt off to tan as I get older.

gently caress you, traditional Chinese everything.

** I distinctly remember him writing all of those examples.

P.S. Before my martial arts phase was over I started going to the gym several days per week during my lunch hours. I got really into nutrition and food books, stretching books, and books about how the body works because I was interested in maximizing my health and gainz. Since many of these books were based on actual science and some of them found only in the reference section, it didn't take me long to see how much garbage all those mystical ideas were from all the different martial arts books I got. People that get into martial arts often seem to believe whatever horseshit a good or legendary fighter might say, but MMA these days is taking all of that power away and I am glad for it. RIP to that MMA dude that whooped all those traditional Chinese masters.

# ¿ Aug 31, 2017 18:29

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

LOL, you guys are silly. "Hurr, Haier thinks he can breath without using his lungs. Racist!" It's just means the way we breath and what expands the most when breathing. Chest, shoulders, ribs, stomach.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diaphragmatic_breathing

quote:

Diaphragmatic breathing, or deep breathing is breathing that is done by contracting the diaphragm, a muscle located horizontally between the thoracic cavity and abdominal cavity. Air enters the lungs and the chest rises and the belly expands during this type of breathing. Diaphragmatic breathing is also known scientifically as eupnea, which is a natural and relaxed form of breathing in all mammals. Eupnea occurs in mammals whenever they are in a state of relaxation, i.e. when there is no clear and present danger in their environment.
...
Hatha Yoga, tai chi and meditation traditions draw a clear distinction between diaphragmatic breathing and abdominal breathing or belly breathing.[7] The more specific technique of diaphragmatic breathing is said to be more beneficial.

But then when you're always doing it deeply, especially while eating, it tends to not be a good thing.

Even this wikihow page is saying you have practice at it daily.
http://www.wikihow.com/Do-Abdominal-Breathing

Google "abdominal vs diaphragmatic breathing." All of the deep "stomach" breathing pages are yoga, Buddhist, and alternative medicine pages. Practicing the deep "stomach" breathing at all times leads to taking in bits of air into the actual stomach and then getting bloated.

Even the taiji man's example of "babys breath into their stomach, so happy" shows up as one of the Google search options.
http://www.simple-remedies.com/childrens-health/abdominal-breathing-in-infants.html

quote:

Abdominal breathing is the right type of breathing for infants and children. In adults, diaphragmatic or abdominal breathing is still retained but chest breathing will become the involuntary norm.

Abdominal breathing in children and in infants is normal. In fact, it is the natural instinct of infants and babies to do diaphragmatic breathing.
As kids grow up, however, they will learn to chest breathe more and forget about diaphragmatic breathing unless voluntary willed to do so.
Abdominal breathing is beneficial for babies and kids as it gives them a lot more oxygen intake than chest breathing.

But it doesn't include that part where they need to be burped due to all the extra air they hold onto.

And here's a presentation by a mysterious Chinese doctor with dried semen on his shirt talking about toxins:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sg9XYicHqKo

Here's a physical therapist talking about it.
http://www.coreexercisesolutions.com/belly-breathing/

quote:

Sure, that�s a better start than breathing into your shoulders, but too much belly movement is a bad thing and can prevent your abdominal separation from healing, cause back pain, hip pain and core instability.
When you take in a breath of air, you should see your chest expand (that is where your lungs are located, after all). If your chest is tight, it makes this expansion difficult. That�s how you end up with too much belly, the pressure is either forced up or down since it can�t go out. Our body naturally follows the path of least resistance. If your chest is tight and doesn�t expand and your abs are weak, then your belly says, �I can easily expand without any effort. Who needs core control, anyhow?�
...
Tight Pecs? Scapula winging a bit? Tight low back? Head not staying in line with your body during exercises? You should look at your breathing pattern first and see how your breathing could be affecting your core control and making other muscles pick up the slack. Back body expansion is extremely important for this!
Correct breathing is not belly breathing. It�s a 360 expansion of not just your ribcage but your torso as well. So, ditch the 100% belly breathing and watch your core muscles find a new level of strength and your body a new level of stress relief!

It was 14 years ago and I got into the habit of deep breathing with stomach expansion all the time.

# ¿ Sep 1, 2017 04:13

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

JewKiller 3000 posted:

personally i breathe directly into my ballsack. the lungs aren't even involved, it's just air -> mouth -> nuts

*Searching for that TCM page where it talks about shooting cold air out of the penis after ejaculating too much*

# ¿ Sep 1, 2017 04:28

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

McGavin posted:

The Method of Anal Breathing

The Method of Anal Breathing is a beginner�s version of Tao�s Harmonic Qi Gong, which focuses mostly on the lower part of the body. The Method Of Anal Breathing helps young men suffering from weak erection and youth impotence problems. Passed down from the Tao masters in China, the technique enhances the bioenergy flow from two major channels in the body�the Governor Vessel and Conception Vessel. Dr. NK Lin, a prominent �sexpert� has advocated the benefits of this technique for years.

How It's Done

Start with a simple "butt exercise". While you expel urine, apply light pressure to the bladder by pushing your heels and ankles upward to squeeze your buttocks against your tailbone and anus. The procedure will stop the flow of urine without contracting your prostate and P.C. muscles. The muscles in your buttock will trigger the tailbone's S2-S4 region to close the bladder-prostate outlet.

Ensure your legs remain at the same width as your shoulders. Apply light pressure against your bladder, and contract your buttocks against your tailbone until your tailbone is warm.

Synchronize your butt contraction with each inhalation. When you inhale, contract your anus-tailbone muscle toward your spine (not toward your perineum or prostate); you should feel air being sucking into your anus, tailbone, and spine. The sensation of air being sucked into your anus is the Anal Breathing technique.

Muscle Contracting Tips
Beginners tend to contract the anal muscles too hard. Hard contractions will affect the prostate and P.C. muscles. As you gain more experience, you will better control the P.C. and anus-tailbone muscles voluntarily, improving erection quality.

Apply light pressure to your bladder. The pressure will help expand and relax the P.C. and prostate muscles. The Anal Breathing technique will also help relax prostate tension, allowing for prolonged sex.

If you have a weak P.C. or prostate muscle, take nourishing herbs from Exhaustion Recovery For Your Prostate. Herbs in the formula such as: Dianthus, Ophiopogen, Patrinia, Pyrrosia and Imperata help rejuvenate fatigued P.C. and prostate muscles.

Fill Up Your Reservoir
If you no longer experience morning erections or feel fatigued, your testosterone reserve may be low or empty. Testosterone boosts the production of nitric oxide that empowers an erection and expands the penile tissues. Take Deer Antler Testosterone Formula or Herbs For Male Low Sex Drive to boost your testosterone reservoir and give your loved one a helluva joy ride!

For Advanced Practitioners:
Once your anal-tailbone muscles start to respond automatically, the muscles will contract during each inhalation. You will no longer need to squeeze your buttocks. You can stand up, lie on your back, or sit down to circulate the sexual energy with each inhalation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRiChK0Q_FI

# ¿ Sep 1, 2017 04:47

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

Sorry, I think I was just having a bad day. When you say push it out do you mean back? Or do you mean push out like pushing out gas? And are you talking about the anal sphinkter muscle? Where gas comes out.

I still do not understand anal breathing. Can someone please explain to me more. Thanks. It is still difficult to understand. When you say push the anus out do you mean back and when you say up do you mean contract?

Ok, I dont know how to pull my anus back and up. I dont know what the feeling of air in my anus and tailbone and spine is. I dont think so. I dont know, I think I had it wrong.

I am worried I will never learn how to do anal breathing. Can someone teach me how to do anal breathing so I do not worry anymore?

# ¿ Sep 1, 2017 04:51

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

I have become (anal) breath.

# ¿ Sep 1, 2017 05:29

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

Lowtax just put up the ban me thread. Months and months ago, I talked about waiting until the next one of those to get banned and retire this account. I think the timing is good. I leave China in a couple days to go back to my comfortable sweaty life in a tier-two city in India. Coincidentally, a married couple I am friends with here in China just bought tickets to India for a holiday and will be passing through one of the places I will be in, so they want me to show them all the local stuff I know and buy me huge dinners. I graciously accepted, and I can't wait to see their faces when I take them through the poor areas with kids making GBS threads in the street. Perhaps I can poo poo with the kids and bring my selfie stick so we can remember the moment forever.

Escape Addict posted:

Haier, maybe you should practice old school bodybuilding stomach vacuums to balance out your belly breathing habit.

It sounds like belly breathing encourages diastasis recti. Stomach vacuums help exercise your inner abdominal wall, which would reverse this bloating effect.

This sounds cool.
https://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/ms-fit5.htm

I will definitely try it.

Paladin posted:

Actually, have read a few meditative books that state meditative stomach breathing was NEVER intended to be done constantly, but this was picked up as an emotional control thing by hyper-Confucian cultures. I think this was from David Chapman's Meaningness blog? Doing it all the time is essentially a form of over-training.

I used to do a lot of meditation (mindful, "empty," and mantra), and I found that shallow breaths were best for me at that time, which breaks all of the rules. I was always told to breath deeply and slowly, but for some reason I found that light breathing and holding the breaths was what worked for me compared to the traditional ideas. Maybe the lack of oxygen was what made it neat. But, yeah, doing deep breathing all the time is probably not always the best way to go about things.
Since Confucianism has so much about control, I would totally believe they would alter or introduce things to make people more receptive if they believed it might work. Practically all of old and current Chinese culture is just a set of controlling rules designed to shame and force people to not think for themselves or act in a way that doesn't benefit their hierarchy.

# ¿ Sep 1, 2017 06:55

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

Final Update:

I went to the electronics market to meet a friend and get some stuff I can't get in India. We went down to a foreign supermarket that seems to have opened recently, completely hidden. They had these imported Swisher Sweet kind of garbage cigarillos, and I decided to get a pack for that nostalgic flavor. I was looking at some boxed prepared food in the cool table when some jackass forcefully shoves in front of me for no reason and then stands in my way and shouts at some workers while pointing.
Utterly pointless display of face on the foreigner. I move around him and look some more, buy some food, and am eating with my friend at the customer tables. A few minutes later the jackass shows up with some boxed food and sits on the table next to us. By his clothes and demeanor, it's easy to see he thinks his poo poo doesn't stink. His dad must be rich or something, he wasn't even that old.

He opens his box and sticks his mouth about 1 or 2cm from the food and starts sucking on it, not even using the chopsticks. He's seriously eating without his hands, just sticking his face into the food. It's crazy. I've seen people get super close while eating, but never like this. He was practically fellating his rice.
I poke my friend and point at the guy. We're sitting there watching this guy eat like a farm animal at a feed trough, and it is mesmerizing. I can't help it, since he faced all over me earlier, and I loudly say, while point at him, "LOOK AT THAT GUY! HE EATS LIKE AN ANIMAL. HE'S EATING LIKE A PIG!!!"
My friend laughs and tells me to not talk so loud. He glances over, food in his mouth, phone in his free hand. He glares at me, and then scoots over on his chair so his back is facing us and we can't see him eat.

On the train ride back I saw a white guy with super greasy hair wearing on both arms those silly wood "Buddhist" beads all the office buzzcuts love wearing to show their hope for getting lucky money. He had about 3-5 bracelets on either arm.

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

FIN

LOL, is this Apocalypse Now?

barbecue at the folks posted:

Seconded, I've enjoyed your posts immensely in the last few years and it would be an ignoble end to the Legend of the Plunger.

At least consider publishing your adventures so I can buy hard copies for my leftist tankie idiot acquaintances to read.

I said I was going to do it ages ago, and I waited like 6 months for another one of those threads to appear. I stand by my lovely posting no matter how cringey and idiotic it was. I will suck all the forums into my stomach if I must.

Imperialist Dog posted:

I want to hear the India stories later so go on hiatus but don't self ban, haobuhao

A fresh start would be better. A new username based on another lousy foreign brand. It's better to retire this one and start fresh.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcjd6DDi3vk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXFc0biIhV4

Haier fucked around with this message at 12:55 on Sep 1, 2017

# ¿ Sep 1, 2017 12:44

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# ¿ May 15, 2024 20:21

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

Thanks, y'all. I'll come back soon under a new name. I'm not even going to have internet the first couple weeks I get there anywhere, as bureaucracy to get services in India dictates one must go through 80 trillion hoops before some lazy bastard shows up and demands a bribe to do what you already paid the company for him to do. If the forums aren't dead by then, I got :10bux:

for them.

88

http://i.imgur.com/6Qq7KBo.gifv

# ¿ Sep 1, 2017 14:57

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