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I propose that we should use some sort of Internet Witchcraft to put BCR's posts at the start of this thread, instead of that mailed-in-between-browsing-Wechat-moments OP we have now.
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Sep 18, 2016 06:06
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The official sound of the SA China thread Also lol at that channel's name being "Sound Effects Relaxation"
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Sep 20, 2016 15:29
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The Great Autismo! posted:so my office is moving buildings. this is an amazing process. In short, enjoy your unplanned extended vacation. 
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Sep 29, 2016 02:52
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Third World Reggin posted:excuse me I know we got a big navy but check out these oilers and survey ships 
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Oct 5, 2016 14:55
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Oct 28, 2016 03:31
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fish and chips and dip posted:Shanghai government wants to introduce an indoor smoking ban in public places. What are the odds of it actually being enforced? The one in Beijing seems to have actually worked....decent-ish, which compared to the expected result of "not making a drat bit of difference whatsoever" is very pleasantly surprising.
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Nov 17, 2016 01:50
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Glenn Quebec posted:Can you imagine the enormous loss of face if the foreigner denied them the song? Here's a long tale about a performer who essentially does exactly that to CCTV. I can't remember if it was posted in one of these threads before, but it's pure distilled Chinar.
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Dec 1, 2016 22:54
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Living in the post-apocalyptic hellscape that is Beijing, it gives me a bit of dark amusement when expats in other parts of China freak out about pollution levels that are semi-routine here. Or even:caberham posted:Hong Kong was pretty bad today in 150 range. Which seems like it's about the default background level of pollution here. If the air stagnates for a few days it'll drift up in the 200-300+ range, if a stiff wind blows through it will be <100 for a couple of days, otherwise it seems to just hover in the 150-200 range much of the time. But hey, at least here in the capital we've got endless traffic jams and the suffocating presence (and related security paranoia) of the central government to balance it out!  
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Dec 2, 2016 18:19
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Jimmy Little Balls posted:some old woman barges into me as I'm getting out
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Dec 31, 2016 16:30
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Sheep-Goats posted:They didn't release a China one Surely a porn mecca such as Japan has their own Japanese-language porn sites? I would think that most of the people searching an English-language porn site, using English search terms, would be weeaboos living the dream in 日本. Which would also explain why hentai was so highly ranked.
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Jan 7, 2017 07:21
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Normally these Chinglish things are the result of someone half-assing it with Baidu Translate, but....that's exactly what it's called in Chinese too.  I'm not sure how what looks to be potato chunks stir-fried with ground pork and chilies is evocative of Little Japan but hell, I'd eat it.
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Feb 12, 2017 14:06
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big time bisexual posted:my new favorite levon wei response on the people's daily Honorable mention to china.jpg's old friend Wayne who posted this  and then four months later, long after the comments section had died off, added this  I guess we know which page is bookmarked in the Lecher Wayne's spank bank.
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Feb 18, 2017 02:35
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Haier posted:EDIT: I just realized I have seen probably 90% of the people wash dishes without soap, too. They use the sponge (or a wet rag) to absorb and smear the oil. They use cold water to wash everything, and to clean chopsticks they rub them together rapidly. It's loving disgusting. My first apartment in China was fairly decent, the owner had remodeled it a couple of years prior, but it literally had no hot water in the kitchen. If you turned the faucet all the way to the hot side nothing would come out. The bathroom right next door had one of those electric tank water heaters, but they just never bothered to run a line from it to the kitchen sink...because why would anyone need hot water in the kitchen???  edit: I see Atlas Hugged mentioned this a while back as well. I don't think it would have been impossible in my apartment, just plumb a line through the wall and into the kitchen and boom, hot water. Porfiriato fucked around with this message at 16:13 on Feb 21, 2017 |
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Feb 21, 2017 16:09
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I'm the guy in the black car that sees a jackknifing semi headed for his lane and decides to floor it instead of hitting the brakes.
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Feb 23, 2017 15:58
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I love that the reason this guy leaves his car in drive, is because he's in such a rush to throw open his door and charge at the other driver in order to regain Face for an accident that was clearly his fault in the first place. Ah, mainland China. 
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Feb 26, 2017 06:19
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ladron posted:debatable Duh yeah, it looks like one of those elevated expressways so I assumed they were going up an incline and the car started rolling backwards, but that's much more likely (and even funnier).
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Feb 26, 2017 06:31
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I once bought a suitcase at a Chinese Walmart that started to split open on the way to airport the first trip I used it on. I ended up having to pay for one those "shrinkwrap it in 55 layers of plastic" services just to have a prayer of it making it through the flight. For the most part, my experience is that Walmart in China carries products that are too lovely and low-quality even for Walmart in America. I wish all the Carrefours weren't just far enough away to be annoying to get to.
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Apr 23, 2017 01:00
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Feel bad for the woman in white who was either on her phone or just studiously pretending to be Anywhere Else In The World Except In The Middle of An Impending Face Battle/Slapfight and ended up with a face full of boiling hotpot broth for her troubles.
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Apr 24, 2017 07:53
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I ran the Shanghai marathon a few years ago. In the recovery area just past the finishing line, where you normally get your medal and stagger around half-dead looking for a bottle of water, there were several dudes who, having just run 26 miles, were frantically lighting up and huffing their nicotine fix.
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Apr 27, 2017 01:39
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Been a while since there's been a discussion of Chinese gyms.* I went for a run on the treadmill this morning, and at the gym I go to the treadmills look out onto the swimming pool. In the lane closest to me there was an older woman doing what I can only describe as sort of a reverse breaststroke, laying on her back with her face towards the ceiling and her arms and legs kind of splashing around. Now, normally when swimming backwards (ie, the backstroke) you use your hands/arms to feel out the end of the lane so you know when it's time to turn around. This woman, on the other hand, would just keep paddling away backwards until the top of her head smacked into the concrete edge of the pool. Only then would she stop and turn. I was on the treadmill for the better part of an hour and never once did she vary her technique - she must have banged her head into the wall at least 20 times just while I was watching. Never once did she vary her technique, or attempt to sense when the end of the lane was approaching, or try another swimming stroke...just slowly paddled backwards until *clunk*, the same thing over and over and over. * - actually, I don't have many interesting gym stories because I go to what must be the one gym in China that's actually clean, well-maintained, and with rare exceptions (such as this woman) generally full of people who know what they're doing and are there to do it and then GTFO. I think it's because it's inside a very expensive compound and people assume that must either be limited to residents of said compound, very expensive, or both, when it's actually it's neither.
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May 3, 2017 02:45
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To be fair, assuming a pedestrian in China will do anything rational is an awfully big assumption. There's been numerous times on my bike when I've almost hit people crossing in front of me because I plot a path that will take me behind them, assuming they continue in a forward motion. What inevitably happens is that as I approach, somewhere deep in their bubble of obliviousness they finally register my presence, and abruptly look up (usually from being buried in their cellphones) and freeze, deer-in-the-headlights style. If they just kept walking it would be fine, but instead I'm suddenly bearing down on a jaywalking idiot who has frozen directly in the path of my bike, with only a few meters to react. I've finally started doing like scooter guy and cutting front of pedestrians if at all possible, that way I only have to worry about hitting them if they suddenly start jogging or something. Porfiriato fucked around with this message at 12:51 on May 4, 2017 |
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May 4, 2017 12:49
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Devils Affricate posted:Education officials rebuked Qingpu World Foreign Language School and the nearby Yangpu Primary School for probing applicants’ family histories and setting logic tests for parents.
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May 10, 2017 02:36
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Maybe this is  , but I'm pretty sure that's not for air pollution but for making sure your face doesn't turn brown from the sun like  those dirty peasants
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May 10, 2017 11:18
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It's 一带一路 in Chinese which literally translates as "One Belt One Road" and sounds okay, I guess. Chinese in general and the Communist Party in particular has a big boner for classifying and listing its philosophies and ideas, like Jiang Zemin's "Three Represents", or more currently Chairman Xi's "Four Comprehensives". It's a bit on the autistic side, but when you consider that the last three presidents of China (and a good chunk of their top leadership) have degrees in engineering it makes a certain kind of sense, I guess.
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May 19, 2017 06:54
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No, he's right, this is one of the eight or twelve "Valentine's Days" that China has every year now and arguably the most bullshit made-up one of them all. Today is May 20, and if you say the numbers out 五二零 is "wu er ling". "I love you" is 我爱你, "wo ai ni" and apparently if you stuff you ears full of cotton, squint a bit, and kill off a generous portion of your brain cells, "wu er ling" somehow sounds like "wo ai ni". Ergo, Valentine's Day. QED.
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May 20, 2017 05:03
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Haier posted:"I MUST BE THE FIRST PERSON OFF THE TRAIN. RIGHT loving NOW! I WILL BE THE FIRST TO GET OFF THIS loving TRAIN, DON'T DOUBT ME!!!" Come now, there are few things in China more richly satisfying than giving these people the forearm shiver to the back that they deserve when you exit the train behind them. Porfiriato fucked around with this message at 14:16 on May 21, 2017 |
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May 21, 2017 14:14
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To be fair, the Venn diagram of "Foods in China" and "Foods in China that Give Haier Diarrhea" seem to be largely overlapping circles.
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May 22, 2017 05:31
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Yawn, another day, another passenger acting like an entitled jackass and delaying a flight in China.
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May 23, 2017 06:30
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This being China, the delay was probably 1 hour that guy, and 4 hours No Why.
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May 23, 2017 06:54
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Hope you enjoy your trip to remote sections of eastern Kazakhstan then.
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May 24, 2017 15:24
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big time bisexual posted:i'm going to be... sledgehammer I'm the customer sitting nonchalantly in a chair while Crazy Sledgehammer Woman waits for me to get out of the way so she can continue destroying poo poo. Also, I can't remember the last time I saw a real, full-sized, honkin' sledgehammer like that in China so A+ for effort/premeditation in tracking that thing down.
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May 25, 2017 12:51
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I remember using the one at the embassy in Beijing one time and being impressed that every fixture up to and including the soap dispensers had clearly been imported from the USA. It was glorious. 
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May 26, 2017 12:17
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Remember when China pinky-swore they were going to let their currency exchange rate float more freely, and as a result the world's financial masterminds eagerly fell all over themselves to give China a seat at the Big Boy Table by including the RMB in the IMF's basket of reserve currencies? You'll never guess what's happened. quote:The China Foreign Exchange Trade System, which is controlled by the central bank, said it might change the way it sets a value each morning around which the country’s currency is allowed to fluctuate through the day. In other words, the RMB could theoretically tank and lose 2% of its value in a day, and the government can just "adjust" its "countercyclical variable" and reset the rate back to where it started at the start of the next day. Day after day after day.
Porfiriato fucked around with this message at 14:18 on May 27, 2017 |
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May 27, 2017 14:14
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Fojar38 posted:I'm sure China is interested in lots of things it will never possess. True, but I'm pretty sure "an AI driven police state thing" is higher on their list of priorities than a lot of other more noble and achievable goals.
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May 29, 2017 08:41
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The Monument to the People's Heroes - that vaguely phallic-looking thing in the background of the Goddess of Democracy photo - is the only thing on the square that's completely barricaded off (aside from the area around the flagpole where an honor guard stands watch). It's got big wide steps leading up to it and a large raised landing encircling it, so was clearly designed to be visited up close. I could never figure out why no one was allowed to go near it. Until I read a few histories of 1989 and realized that was where the pro-democracy forces first started gathering on the square.
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Jun 4, 2017 13:49
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:China's transition to a cashless society has worked really well. My local mart has got it down to a science- they average a speedy ten minutes per customer! Minus the screaming fights that occur every time it doesn't work and they try to send the customer to the cash machine, of course. But other than that, really well. 1. Stand and stare blankly as the cashier rings up the purchase 2. Cashier announces the total 3. Stand and stare blankly for another few seconds 4. Fish around in pockets/purse for 15 seconds looking for phone 5. Input the wrong unlock code 6. Input the wrong unlock code again 7. Close whatever app was open on the phone 8. Swipe back and forth a few times until you find the wechat/alipay icon 9. Navigate through the app for 10 seconds until you find the right payment option 10. Cashier scans phone 11. Wait 30 seconds while it doesn't go through 12. Cashier scans phone again 13. Success at last! Repeat x infinity for every customer ahead of me in line. But hey, so much better than boring old cash! It's just like back in the day when you would get stuck behind an old lady writing a check by hand, only now every single person ahead of you in line is an old lady writing a check by hand.
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Jun 8, 2017 01:44
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I have a washer and a dryer in my apartment, sorry y'all are a bunch of filthy poors. Seriously though, you can get a dryer on Taobao for like a hundred bucks and it is The Greatest Thing. The only downside is that it's small, so sometimes I have to split a larger load into two batches, and it's pretty slow by Unnamed Country standards (2-3 hours depending on how much and how damp it is). But it is so, so, sooooooo worth it.
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Jun 11, 2017 07:13
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I once bought a bag of good-quality, imported Thai jasmine rice. You would have thought I was serving bowls of steamed dog turds from the reaction of the Chinese I served it to. They all reluctantly picked at it while complaining extensively that it wasn't nearly as good as their precious Chinar's Own Dongbei rice from the northeast. No doubt they happily wolfed down whatever crap came with their 9 RMB lunch the next day though. edit Amergin posted:You'll see black rice down here in the southwest plus the occasional jasmine rice (which yes is white I know), but 95% of the time it's plain white or sticky rice. Yeah, this was up north, maybe they're a little more open to jasmine rice down south. Porfiriato fucked around with this message at 07:49 on Jun 11, 2017 |
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Jun 11, 2017 07:46
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Get ready for the incoming tidal wave of hurt feelings tomorrow night when China is officially eliminated from World Cup qualifying. Because they need an outright win in a neutral site game against Syria to even mathematically stay alive. A team from a war torn hellhole with less than 20 million people.....that's already beaten them once. On Chinese soil.  Fat Jesus posted:they must be really bad at football Porfiriato fucked around with this message at 06:25 on Jun 12, 2017 |
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Jun 12, 2017 06:21
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| # ¿ May 4, 2024 02:17 |
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Haier posted:Do NOT drive like a Mainlander when in the USA: I'm not too up-to-date on my Unnamed Country cars, but what is that, a Ford Escape? No way someone who's FOB enough to drive like that would be caught dead in something so middlebrow. Go Porsche Cayenne or go home.
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Jun 20, 2017 10:23
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