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First half of the first episode is everyone loving around on their phones, then their phones die and the professor builds a solar cell to charge them but it can only charge one at a time so there are arguments over who gets to use the charger first and the charger gets broken. The recurring theme is getting their phones working so they can call for help or play Candy Crush or whatever every episode, and it never works, and no one bothers to try and make a raft or whatever even though there's another island visible on the horizon. Gilligan gets hungry and uses his phone to smash open a coconut but smashes his phone instead and starts freaking out but eventually wakes up and realizes it was all a bad dream and he still hasn't eaten in two weeks, then he plays fruit ninja while his kidneys fail.
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Sep 22, 2016 17:32
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May 19, 2024 15:17
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During a brief period of satellite signal thurston howell is discovered while attempting to google "legal cannibalism" and is shunned by his wife for the rest of the episode.
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Sep 22, 2016 18:08
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thurston would be a post-90s dotcom millionaire
he would also probably vape
Question is whether he's from one of those white flight exurbs or a gated community that got swallowed by the inner city but somehow kept its walls up. The second one is more evocative of the "old money" Howell, but the first one lets his wife be the head of the local HOA which is way funnier and has more potential plot hooks.
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Sep 23, 2016 15:53
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the professor would have a catchphrase that sounds similar to, but legally distinct from, "bazinga!"
Following a fierce tropical storm a shipping crate is found washed up on the shore and suspected to contain food or other necessary supplies. After nearly a full episode is spent trying to get it open before a second storm pushes it back out into the water it is discovered to contain hundreds of novelty hats and dated pop/geek culture t-shirts. Everyone hates the professor's new wardrobe.
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Sep 23, 2016 18:18
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They would all be feminists, because feminism is good
Nah.
The natives who only show up once every season or so but who apparently live on the other side of the island even though their village can never be found, THEY are feminists. You can't introduce a plot element like that without a guarantee that hijinks ensue.
Feminist natives show up in the middle of what they mistake for a wet t-shirt contest and are very supportive of the Skipper and take furtive steps to end his exploitation, stuff like that. You can't introduce serious poo poo into television without making an offensive mockery of it, so it's got to be calculated for maximum outrage and tone-deafness but also delivered in short controlled bursts. "Everyone's a feminist" might as well read "no season 2."
Cephalocidal fucked around with this message at 20:06 on Sep 23, 2016
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Sep 23, 2016 19:57
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Also the natives are actually anthropologist researchers keeping tabs on the castaways but because there is already a unique culture among the castaways by the time they find them they can't interfere too much without losing their grant money. The native costumes are just a miscalculation from their first survey when they expected to find actual indigenous peoples, so they're stuck keeping up the ruse.
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Sep 23, 2016 20:05
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the boulder is unmistakably phallic and somehow appears in the background whenever one of the characters says "patriarchy"
In season two Ginger abruptly ends an argument with Mary Ann as they're leaving her hut by screaming "PATRIARCHY!" at the top of her lungs as soon as she's outside, causing the stone phallus to erupt from the threshold and sealing Mary Ann inside.
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Sep 23, 2016 21:27
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The Minnow is found by the Coast Guard after just 24 hours because there was a very small sector of incredibly well-mapped islands the ship could have vanished to given their probable locations for a 3 hour tour and satellite imagery along with weather patterns and currents.
The island has an old decommissioned listening post on it that's still classified enough that the island itself had been removed from sea charts and sat coverage. Or there was a war during the hurricane and everyone else is dead. Or the Skipper is a drug runner and hadn't registered his course. Or Thurston Howell's son is paying off everyone them so he can inherit his father's fortune.
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Sep 25, 2016 16:44
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Best idea: it's literally Gilligan's Island. He won it in a contest/auction raising money for a collapsing Polynesian state. It's sovereign land and maritime law keeps everyone else away from it.
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Sep 25, 2016 16:56
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They're all Cylons. ...actually gently caress, that almost works. There's even a chubby one.
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Sep 25, 2016 19:29
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thurnston howell is the 1% and he is manipulating the coconut market and stuffing his pockets with the coconuts of gilligan's labor and they do occupy coconut street.
After being struck on the head by a rogue coconut Thurston spends an entire episode convinced he's a housecat. He perches on the highest available surface in every scene to assert his dominance and is generally an rear end in a top hat to everyone. Everyone just assumes he's being rich and eccentric until he starts dropping poached game at Ginger and Mary Ann's hut doors. Ginger gives him a hair clip with fuzzy anime cat ears on it. Mary Ann gives him a collar with a bell. During the ensuing discussion over whether or not to try and help him (as he's now unquestionably the best hunter on the island) Mrs. Howell's jealousy gets the better of her and she brains him with another coconut, reversing the process. The Professor swipes the ears and bell from the unconscious Thurston while administering first aid. These resurface in a later episode where the professor is revealed to be a brony, titled "Goodbye Horses".
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Sep 26, 2016 17:02
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The professor builds a coconut radio that manages to pick up the signal from a Russian numbers station. The castaways get bored and start running a fantasy football league off the repeating and changing patterns. Ginger is revealed as a cryptographic savant and rolls every bracket. The Skipper's gambling addiction and rage issues compel him to destroy the radio, but Ginger's growing obsession with the device leads to her keeping it on her person at all times. The climax is a bumbling panty raid style assault on her hut in the dead of night, but all the boys just get weirded out and leave when they find her mumbling in Russian over a nuclear trefoil made of seashells and driftwood in the middle of her room. No one ever talks about it again.
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Sep 29, 2016 00:37
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May 19, 2024 15:17
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Was a major plot point actually that Thurston was rich?
Strikes me as kind of funny, like... he has no access to his bank account. There's no like, shop on the island, or central authority issuing a currency. Even if he had like, a suitcase full of cash (I feel like he did have a suitcase full of cash?), how much worth does that have after a few months on the island? Once hope started to dwindle for rescue, even the idea that the other folks could use the cash when they got back to civilization would seem remote. It might be more useful as kindling or something after a point.
I mean, seems like "wealthiness" is like a character trait of his: He's a rich guy. Like, even if he was homeless and penniless, they'd be like "Ugh, that rich homeless guy was super aggressive today, begging for any spare yacht I might have." But it's intrinsically tied to your personal finances, which he's completely separated from on the island. Was that an intentional running joke on the show, that his wealth is completely meaningless?
Yeah, the conceit was wealthiness as an intrinsic quality, leading to fish-out-of-water hijinks. A modern take would probably lampoon this as a far more obvious mental illness.
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Sep 29, 2016 17:11
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Sep 22, 2016 17:32
