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- I missed the exit to work because I was zoning out thinking about dongs. The next exit was fifteen minutes away. - I got moved to a new shift that started at 9 so I set my alarm for 8:50 - I showed up on time but it was the wrong building. I'd confused it with the identical building fifty feet away. - I showed up too early because of daylight savings time, found the doors locked and assumed it was a day off and nobody had told me. - I left for work in plenty of time but had to go back home several times because I kept forgetting things. Finally I made it all the way to the office and realized I didn't have my punch card. - I ran over a Halloween skeleton and the irate owner insisted on swapping insurance info. - I zoned out thinking about robots and drove to my old work instead of my new one. |
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Sep 23, 2016 03:52
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| # ? May 2, 2024 23:21 |
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You sound like a dangerous driver. Please be safe White Apple. 
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Sep 23, 2016 03:55
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was the skeleton okay?
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Sep 23, 2016 03:56
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i was hung over |
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Sep 23, 2016 03:59
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I am a stupid lazy unpunctual motherfucker
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Sep 23, 2016 04:00
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MrWillsauce posted:was the skeleton okay? |
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Sep 23, 2016 04:02
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they scheduled me on the 25th for night shift but they really meant get there at 10:30 pm on the 24th
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Sep 23, 2016 04:02
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i had the green apple splatters and wound up parking in the wal mart next to the train station and destroying their turlet for like 30 minutes |
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Sep 23, 2016 04:10
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oh god, i can finally tell this story so, a bit of backstory. being teenagers under my parents' roof, my sister and i have chores. one of these is to pick up the dog poop in our backyard and put it in a trashcan. however, we never removed the trash bag from the can because lol gently caress that, and as such the dog poo poo piled up until one morning back in July my dad noticed that, oh hey, this bag is massive and disgusting, and we can't throw it out because that's illegal to dump that much animal waste in the garbage. so, his genius plan is to take the bag to the campgrounds area nearby and dump all of the dog poo poo out deep in the forest. now, this particular morning, my sister and i both had to be at our workplace at 11:30. he springs this idea on us at 10:45, confident that his plan is foolproof, down to the exact drop-off location. well, he drives us over to a parking lot near one of the campgrounds, only to see a bunch of cars there. i don't know if it's illegal to dump animal feces there, but for whatever reason, he decides that this is a bad idea to haul a heavy-rear end bag of dog poo poo in front of a bunch of people. so, he spends the next 20 minutes driving us around the area, all while the smell of dog poo poo permeates the air in the car. finally, he pulls over to the side of a road that borders a giant, wooded hill and says "okay, i have to take a conference call, just grab the bag and dump it". so, he gets on the call, my sister at this point is on the verge of passing out from the scent, so it's up to me to go to the trunk, grab this giant bag of dog poo poo, drag it to the precipice of the hill, and dump this giant loving brick of poo poo down the hill (and i literally mean "giant loving brick of poo poo"). from there, i jump back in the car only to realize my shorts have trails of poo poo running down them because the bag had weakened and had some small cracks. my dad guns it and we get back to our house, where i frantically have to wash my hands, change out of those shorts, slip another pair on, and white-knuckle myself and my sister to work. we got there at about 11:45. luckily our manager wasn't there yet, so it didn't matter, but that was probably the stupidest loving reason i've ever been late to anything in my life. symbolic fucked around with this message at 05:02 on Sep 23, 2016
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Sep 23, 2016 04:59
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i couldn't make it to my snack shack shift because the car my friend borrowed broke down and there was only one tow truck on the island
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Sep 23, 2016 05:03
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The literal 4m between my desk and bed was too far and I couldn't drag my sorry rear end out of bed in time. |
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Sep 23, 2016 07:24
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symbolic posted:oh god, i can finally tell this story any time I see a long story about anything silly on the internet I just assume poop's gonna be involved in some capacity
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Sep 23, 2016 08:08
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My tire exploded while on my way to work, the scamp  It happened just a little in front of a gas station so I was lucky I could just pull in there. My boss was surprisingly sympathetic to my predicament and didn't mind when I told I would be about a half hour late while I waited for my ride to pick me up. |
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Sep 23, 2016 08:44
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For some reason my morning coffee and cigarette didn't kick in with their usual efficacy and there's no way I'm going to work without having had my morning poo poo. That happened a couple of times actually. The other dumb reason I can think of is I went back to some girl's house after a night on the sauce, stayed up til like 3 am playing video games and drinking more, had terribly disappointing sex and woke up at like 7.30 needing to get to work from somewhere in London that was totally alien to me. Somehow I managed to get the right sequence of buses that got me to a tube station, got home, quickly got changed and turned up to work like an hour late and minutes before a meeting I was due to give an hour long presentation in to like 15 clients. Luckily when I recounted the tale for why I looked like I'd been dragged through a hedge rear end backward after taking a vodka enema, they saw the funny side of it. ---------------- |
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Sep 23, 2016 12:47
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I'm rarely late, and even more rarely call out, but when I do it's because I got drunk on vodka the night before. That's the only thing that gets to me, really, though when I worked a horrible retail job in college sometimes I got really drunk the night before the morning shift, woke up on time, and rolled into work still drunk. Then the hangover would set in a while later. In my awful high school job at Kmart (ugh) I was late because I didn't want to be there and left home to go to work a couple minutes before my shift began |
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Sep 23, 2016 13:36
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Back in summer 06 my buddy and I were in a little but of a prank war, I loaded up my .177 air pistol and unloaded 8 shots of pain into his rear end cheeks while he was napping off a good smoke session. That evening after I went home to bed (was working early mornings) he took a crap in a plastic bag, wiped it on the handle grips of my motorbike and left the rest of the stinky turd on my seat. I got up a little late, went to get on the bike to go to work and found his poop on my bike. Spent 10 mins pressure washing it out of the rubber handle grips and was late to work. Would have gotten away with a slap on the wrist, but wouldn't give them the reason I was late to work so got a written warning. |
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Sep 23, 2016 14:51
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Im always one to three hours early for work. |
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Sep 23, 2016 15:22
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I was once late to work at the bagel factory because I'd secretly been stealing dough from the factory for weeks and hiding it in my car. It was the Monday following one of the hottest weekends on record and unbeknownst to me the sun had turned my car into an oven, causing the dough to rise and expand until it filled the car. It took me hours to eat a gap large enough to sit in. ---------------- |
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Sep 23, 2016 15:26
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I've heard of meals on wheels but this is just ridiculous! *flails arms/hands around wildly* |
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Sep 23, 2016 15:52
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I didn't cook my scrambled eggs properly so I had to make a detour and take a dump in the woods near the university where I worked. As luck would have it I forgot that part of the path was flooded (next to a river) so nobody else was using the path that morning. I'm terrified of being more than a 15 minute walk away from a toilet now. |
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Sep 23, 2016 16:05
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same except a Halloween skeleton said gently caress you to me and it made me so worried that I drove slow |
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Sep 23, 2016 16:43
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Travel time to the future
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Sep 23, 2016 17:10
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symbolic posted:oh god, i can finally tell this story lol this story owns
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Sep 23, 2016 17:25
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not me personally, but one time in college one of my roommates left for a week, and whenever one of us would leave for an extended period of time the rest would do a prank to their room, so this time we got like 500 balloons and blew them all up ad filled his whole room from the floor to the ceiling with balloons. He got home and he opened the door and saw all the balloons and was like "my uniform is in there I need to go to work right now". lol pwnd
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Sep 23, 2016 17:28
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i took a couple xanax because it was one of my last days and i stopped caring got to work a half hour early, said gently caress it, went home because i thought i could fit in a 5 minute nap for some reason got home, passed out. got a call from my boss asking where the hell i was. mumbled something incoherent and then hung up. called them back, tried to explain myself, but again, i was too high to say anything that made sense. good times. ---------------- |
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Sep 23, 2016 17:32
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my car doors had frozen shut and my boss came and picked me up
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Sep 23, 2016 17:36
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Maybe not silliest, but grossest and most ridiculous in recent memory: -Wife left very large garbage bag outside overnight (full of kitche waste and lovely baby diapers).This is a major faux pas in the woods. -Roving band of raccoons eviscerated the bag during the night. -I got outside at 4 AM to get in my car and head for work, and was so disgusted by the sprawling, stinking mess that I vomitted on it (I think the rancid baby poo poo is what did it) -Realized I had to clean it all up before they dragged garbage farther into the woods, and so I ended up being late for work. The raccoons came back the next day, but I scared them away with firecrackers. |
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Sep 23, 2016 17:59
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got to work half an hour early so i sat in my car listening to the radio until it was time to start then i realized my car clock was 15 minutes behind  :
☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭ |
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Sep 23, 2016 18:05
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i never knew raccoons loved baby poop so much
☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭ |
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Sep 23, 2016 18:05
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probably when I thought I had time for a quickie w the wife before i left then fell back asleep w her edit: sorry I thought it said sexiest
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Sep 23, 2016 18:35
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Commie NedFlanders posted:i never knew raccoons loved baby poop so much I think they were mainly after the kitchen waste, but they werent above thorougly searching and dispersing the diapers as well |
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Sep 23, 2016 19:17
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I love raccoons, hey are the cutest animal imo. They like to dunk their food in water before they eat it, and there is this video of someone feeding one cotton candy and like it dunks it in a little kiddie pool and it all disolves and the poor lil dude has this look of such deep sadness and confusion like "oh noooo what happened??"
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Sep 23, 2016 19:19
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Nooner posted:I love raccoons, hey are the cutest animal imo. They like to dunk their food in water before they eat it, and there is this video of someone feeding one cotton candy and like it dunks it in a little kiddie pool and it all disolves and the poor lil dude has this look of such deep sadness and confusion like "oh noooo what happened??" I like the German word for raccoon. It's Waschbär which means "bear that washes" 
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Sep 23, 2016 20:26
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I got gout and didn't take into account that limping would add 10 mins to my usual walk from the station also it hurt a lot and sucked. |
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Sep 23, 2016 23:05
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I just love it when a job counts being late one second the same as a no call/no show. I'm there logging in at the work station which freezes up and i get written up for clocking in 30 seconds late.
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Sep 23, 2016 23:36
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turns out i didnt really work at Quiznos it was just a really vivid peyote quest/nocturnal emission |
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Sep 23, 2016 23:52
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Nooner posted:I love raccoons, hey are the cutest animal imo. They like to dunk their food in water before they eat it, and there is this video of someone feeding one cotton candy and like it dunks it in a little kiddie pool and it all disolves and the poor lil dude has this look of such deep sadness and confusion like "oh noooo what happened??" raccoon love is very byob https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3739692
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Sep 24, 2016 00:07
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I got pooped on by a bird walking to work so I had to go home and change |
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Sep 24, 2016 00:48
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i was detained by police under suspicion of being the ninja burglar |
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Sep 24, 2016 00:57
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| # ? May 2, 2024 23:21 |
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I had to wait for an almost comical long line of ducklings crossing the street
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Sep 24, 2016 02:27
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