- Piso Mojado
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mom: for calling your science teacher "a peabrained mendicant" you're grounded for a week, mister.
me: I simply call it as I see it from my lofty intellectual perch, mother.
mom: well if you were so smart then why didn't you get away with it, huh?
me: well if you're so smart how come you didn't notice that you're talking to a tiger talkboy strapped to a bean bag wearing one of my signature poet shirts?
mom: *makes freaked out face as she realizes she's been owned by the best*
me: *driving away in her minivan, blaring hey man, nice shot*
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Sep 27, 2016 04:52
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May 5, 2024 10:17
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- Piso Mojado
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A POINT BY POINT EXPLANATION OF WHY ALL THE REASONS I WAS FIRED FROM THE GAS STATION ARE BULLSHIT
1: let my friend Cody live there at night: Cody and I go way back and so I gotta do the guy a solid (samurai outlaw code of honor, look it up in the school of the autodidacts, i.e. The Internet) and after all those times Cody broke in and stole fifth avenue bars and toilet paper it was pretty obvious that we needed night security. it killed two birds with one stone! but apparently if you don't have a management degree from College Among The Redwoods like Steve you're not qualified to make decisions that can save the company potential millions.
2. shorted out the electrical system while trying to hang Mensa certification: a professional should be able to hang proof of their accreditation in their place of business. duh. even my grandfather has a Worlds Best Grandpa certificate, framed, on the wall of his den. so why can't I? people should know that when I overhear their conversations and give them life advice that it's coming from a well of deep insight, so it's not my fault Steve did not provide a stud finder with the deep scan function I would have needed to detect the wiring in the exact spot I was hammering the nail? I ASKED FOR THIS DEVICE WEEKS IN ADVANCE! also apparently I hung it in front of the sign to that says what year you have to have been born in if you want smokes and booze. whatever man. that's a bullshit law anyways and babies should be allowed to drink.
3. smoked a lot of meth all the time in the bathroom: uh... they were lab chemicals. from a lab. you know, where scientists are from??? it's not called doing drugs; it's called being physically & recreationally addicted to cuttting edge nootropics, look them up and get educated before the next time you act like a mega dick and freak a guy out who is just starting to peak on his brain enhancing ochre powder.
4. beat up my stepdad in the parking lot: ok yeah this one I have to cop to.
in summation, President Obama, this whole thing is bullshit so please call Steve and tell him to give me my job back. thank you and may you be blessed by your own rationality.
respectfully,
Brian Stopka, esq (iq 164, https://www.freetests.org certified)
Try Juno Free internet today and find out what millions of Cambodians are talking about! https://www.juno.com
lmbo
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Sep 27, 2016 16:21
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Sep 27, 2016 04:52
