- social vegan
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me, in line at the polls: what a day to be alive, I'm finally old enough to vote. They say the fate of the world is in the hand's of the future and I'm ready to help take the lead to guide this country into a brave new generation, standing on the shoulders of giants once our parents and grandparents, looking boldly beyond the horizon that once constrained us and colonizing new sociopolitical ground in favour of strengthening the bonds between all humans and giving back to our generous Mother Earth.
*writes Zack de la Rocha across the ballot*
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Sep 25, 2016 13:43
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- Adbot
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May 2, 2024 00:27
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- social vegan
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whereas I sometimes relish the idea of a girlfriend, I cannot deal with any sort of figurative caging or ceiling on my boundless insight and creativity *gets back to detailing his will sasso playing kenny rogers mad tv skin for minecraft*
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Sep 25, 2016 20:57
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- social vegan
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A POINT BY POINT EXPLANATION OF WHY ALL THE REASONS I WAS FIRED FROM THE GAS STATION ARE BULLSHIT
1: let my friend Cody live there at night: Cody and I go way back and so I gotta do the guy a solid (samurai outlaw code of honor, look it up in the school of the autodidacts, i.e. The Internet) and after all those times Cody broke in and stole fifth avenue bars and toilet paper it was pretty obvious that we needed night security. it killed two birds with one stone! but apparently if you don't have a management degree from College Among The Redwoods like Steve you're not qualified to make decisions that can save the company potential millions.
2. shorted out the electrical system while trying to hang Mensa certification: a professional should be able to hang proof of their accreditation in their place of business. duh. even my grandfather has a Worlds Best Grandpa certificate, framed, on the wall of his den. so why can't I? people should know that when I overhear their conversations and give them life advice that it's coming from a well of deep insight, so it's not my fault Steve did not provide a stud finder with the deep scan function I would have needed to detect the wiring in the exact spot I was hammering the nail? I ASKED FOR THIS DEVICE WEEKS IN ADVANCE! also apparently I hung it in front of the sign to that says what year you have to have been born in if you want smokes and booze. whatever man. that's a bullshit law anyways and babies should be allowed to drink.
3. smoked a lot of meth all the time in the bathroom: uh... they were lab chemicals. from a lab. you know, where scientists are from??? it's not called doing drugs; it's called being physically & recreationally addicted to cuttting edge nootropics, look them up and get educated before the next time you act like a mega dick and freak a guy out who is just starting to peak on his brain enhancing ochre powder.
4. beat up my stepdad in the parking lot: ok yeah this one I have to cop to.
in summation, President Obama, this whole thing is bullshit so please call Steve and tell him to give me my job back. thank you and may you be blessed by your own rationality.
respectfully,
Brian Stopka, esq (iq 164, https://www.freetests.org certified)
Try Juno Free internet today and find out what millions of Cambodians are talking about! https://www.juno.com
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Sep 27, 2016 15:37
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- social vegan
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*does machines, like donatello*
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Sep 27, 2016 16:21
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- social vegan
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If you're so smart, why are you a house?
....g-getting a new lease on life
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Sep 27, 2016 18:18
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- social vegan
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me: "am i at 69 yet?"
iq test guy:"uh.... yeah, you still have a lot of questions left though"
me: *stands up and drops pencil, exits the room while trying to suppress my laughter*
me: *finishes IQ test, hands it in and waits for scoring*
iq test guy: ...u-unbelievable, you scored 160
me: sure sure whatever, but what charater from Disney's recess am I most like
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Sep 27, 2016 18:36
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- social vegan
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Smart man circa 2008: I don't understand why any man would be as undignified as to cum on someone else, it's a blatant sign of disrespect and othering that acts like a psychosexual barricade between two lovers inherently afraid of intimacy despite ongoing sexual acts.... Oh, me? I would never, I'd much rather cum on a fair maiden's feels, yes yes, a feelcial.
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Sep 28, 2016 13:00
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 2, 2024 00:27
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- social vegan
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want to touch my donger? well, why don't we have ourselves a lil debate and you can present you case for why you should touch my donger? and don't even try using any of schopenhauer's 38 stratagems on me, babe, because I will know and will have the manager throw you right the hell out of this Intelligentsia.
hey bud, why don't you try touching my curiousity first
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Sep 28, 2016 16:17
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Sep 25, 2016 13:43
