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The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > it sucks, being so intelligent
 
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MiracleWhale

mysterious frankie posted:

mom: for calling your science teacher "a peabrained mendicant" you're grounded for a week, mister.
me: I simply call it as I see it from my lofty intellectual perch, mother.
mom: well if you were so smart then why didn't you get away with it, huh?
me: well if you're so smart how come you didn't notice that you're talking to a tiger talkboy strapped to a bean bag wearing one of my signature poet shirts?
mom: *makes freaked out face as she realizes she's been owned by the best*
me: *driving away in her minivan, blaring hey man, nice shot*

lol

* # ¿ Sep 25, 2016 08:29
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# ¿ May 3, 2024 00:00
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MiracleWhale


 college? a waste of time. at the age of eleven i had already memorized the entirety of microsoft encarta

* # ¿ Sep 25, 2016 08:33
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MiracleWhale


 401ks are for morons. my retirement savings are all in bitcoin

* # ¿ Sep 25, 2016 09:05
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MiracleWhale


 when you exit the birth canal, that's obviously your first "birth day", and one year later, it goes without saying, you've reached your second birthday. if you apply some elementary inductive reasoning you'll understand why there's no need to tell my parents you saw me smoking those cigarettes

* # ¿ Sep 25, 2016 09:09
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MiracleWhale

FactsAreUseless posted:

Smart guy: I am Barack Obama. I am the logical president. I like to vote for logical things, such as XKCD comics or the television show Stephen Universe.

Dumb guy: I am columnist George F. Will. I like baseball, football, basketball, and just generally being a big dumb jock. I have sex all day, with many different kinds of women. My enemy is the logical president Barack Obama. We are rivals.

Smart guy: I will vote for health care. I will vote for overtime reform. I will vote for immigration enforcement changes. I am the logical man. I am Barack Obama.

Dumb guy: I am the powerful sex writer George F. Will. I have written about many things: taxes, Texas, ticks, and talking. I love sex. My penis is large, but my brain has a below-average number of folds.

Smart guy: I will destroy you with my sword. I will destroy you with my Japanese-style sword from a catalog. I remain Barack Obama, the president of logic.

Dumb guy: I also have a sword from a catalog, and mine has a confederate flag dragon on it. And yet, I am still George F. Will, the sex-having word master.

Smart guy: Then the heavens will shake.

lmao

* # ¿ Sep 25, 2016 20:01
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The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > it sucks, being so intelligent