|
elon musk is a cool guy who blows up spaceships for fun. but where did he get the money to design cars that automatically rear end trucks on the high way? you guessed it - big government. see, back in the 80s most people payed for things by faxing money to each other. you just stuck it in the fax machine and pressed the send button and in seconds your leotard or "we built this city" 12 inch or abortion was on the way. but then elon musk lobbied the government to mandate that a special device be included in every fax machine which drew a comical mustache on the face of any image of a us president, which rendered fax money hilarious but worthless. what a coincidence that elon showed up in the 90s with a new website to "solve" this "problem". he called it "PayPal", but trust me, it's no friend of mine. ever since then the government has been in a constant race with the "counterfeiters" who just want to pay for their online purchases via a text message of a jpeg or print their money on balloons so it can float to safety in the event of a mugging. let's help them out. design some new security features to keep our money safe and help elon musk blow up more spaceships
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2016 23:16
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 22, 2024 02:57 |
|
|
I'll get right on that OP.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2016 23:17
|
|
|
Mega64 posted:I'll get right on that OP. thanks you for your service
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2016 23:19
|
|
|
MiracleWhale posted:thanks you for your service look at goodie two-shoes, sucking up to the mods already
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2016 23:20
|
|
|
all dollars from 2018 onwards will include a tiny speaker and a vial of pressurized liquid which are rigged to emit an agonized scream and a large spurt of blood whenever a consumer attempts to insert them into a vending machine backwards
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2016 23:24
|
|
|
since many counterfeit bills are produced in mexico and smuggled across the border into the us, the new bill design will include tiny immigration documents which must be checked and verified at all traffic stops
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2016 23:26
|
|
|
Make dollars lickable If they taste like cherry, it's a legit dollar
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2016 23:31
|
|
|
Run the country into the ground and make the money worthless like Zimbabwe dollars and we all go back to trading chickens and clay pots. Pretty hard to fake a chicken.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2016 23:42
|
|
|
Arkanomen posted:Run the country into the ground and make the money worthless like Zimbabwe dollars and we all go back to trading chickens and clay pots. Pretty hard to fake a chicken. Monsanto and Tyson have been doing it for years. 
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2016 23:43
|
|
|
they should put sensors in US currency that detect when youre snorting drugs through them and what kind and then dispatches a squadron of police drones to your house to beat and arrest you and maybe plant some more illegal drugs on you in case you were snorting some schedule IV poo poo or somethin. high rear end motherfuckers wont even know what hit em
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2016 23:44
|
|
|
instead of being square, new bills will be shaped like puzzle pieces from a single huge puzzle. at the end of every year, the secret service will put the pieces back together, and if there are any extras, well, someone's in trouble
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2016 23:45
|
|
|
thathonkey posted:they should put sensors in US currency that detect when youre snorting drugs through them and what kind and then dispatches a squadron of police drones to your house to beat and arrest you and maybe plant some more illegal drugs on you in case you were snorting some schedule IV poo poo or somethin. high rear end motherfuckers wont even know what hit em when drugs are detected a lil speaker repeats phrases like "awww yeahhhhhh" and "that's the good poo poo" so the drug users won't suspect it's the money that narced them out
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2016 23:47
|
|
|
dog buttz posted:Monsanto and Tyson have been doing it for years. Haha, you don't verify the block chain on your tendies do you?
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2016 23:50
|
|
|
I dunno ... eugh ... maybe AIDS? Like, it gives you AIDS when you touch it? And then your test comes back positive anf you KNOW you got the real deal? That's all I could come up with, man. Sorry. Hope you thread works out for you. 
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2016 23:53
|
|
|
Mega64 posted:suck my dick you fuckman 
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2016 23:58
|
|
|
*wakes up shackled to bathtub* man in mask on video screen: ah, i see you're awake. you're probably wondering how you got here, but that's the least of your concerns right now. you see, you've been given a very special poison, and within five minutes, your heart will cease beating. that is, unless you have a us $20 bill. me *sweating profusely*: oh god, oh god, where's my wallet *pulls out $20* oh thank god man in mask: lucky you! every legitimate $20 bill is printed with special ink that contains the antidote for the poison which is even now coursing through your veins. just eat the bill in your hands and your life will be saved. unless, of course... that's a counterfeit? me: *grows pale*
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2016 00:02
|
|
|
*holds the quoted post up to the light, checking for the metal authenticity strip*
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2016 00:04
|
|
|
tiny LCD screens on every dollar that show the last three things it was spent on
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2016 00:16
|
|
|
DNE posted:tiny LCD screens on every dollar that show the last three things it was spent on is that what that means? i thought "drugs drugs drugs" was just our new national motto or something
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2016 00:17
|
|
|
draw a part of a summoning symbol on all six of the major bills, and when they are placed together they can be used to summon the great satan. attempting to replicate this symbol with nonofficial ink will only summon a lesser demon
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2016 00:19
|
|
|
replace obsolete paper currency with a new payment method based on chips implanted in the right hand, which would be required to buy or sell
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2016 03:06
|
|
|
A pair of charged wires which, when pressed together with the exact amount of pressure of a copying machine lid, initiates a thermal chain reaction which causes the money to burst into flames.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2016 03:15
|
|
|
A feature that illuminates money when you hit tab so that you can more easily locate dropped, lost, and concealed currency while adventuring.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2016 03:17
|
|
|
Money that changes color to indicate it has touched feces or certain strains of virulent disease.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2016 03:18
|
|
|
A holographic animated president that winks if the bill is real when you press on one of the numbers in the corners. All the bills cost 30 dollars to make but they're laminated so they last longer.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2016 03:22
|
|
|
A single orange pube woven into the dollar like a security strip, because who has a bunch of orange pubes laying around?
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2016 04:46
|
|
|
Applewhite posted:A pair of charged wires which, when pressed together with the exact amount of pressure of a copying machine lid, initiates a thermal chain reaction which causes the money to burst into flames. *queues up a series of bible quotations*
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2016 04:49
|
|
|
Adopt the Australian Dollar.  
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2016 04:52
|
|
|
a dollar made of high tech bulletproof ceramic materials, allowing police to detect counterfeits at a distance by firing a precisely aimed round into a suspect's wallet
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2016 05:10
|
|
|
Dollar bills will be infused with uranium 235. If too many of them are stacked together they will go critical
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2016 05:35
|
|
|
Well, first we assign a hash number to every Bill so we can trade them digitally
|
|
#
?
Sep 29, 2016 06:05
|
|
|
Coins that actually have to stay in your butt until a transaction happwns. Otherwise the currency is invalidated after being outside the owner's body too long. Let's call it UranusCoin.
|
|
#
?
Sep 29, 2016 06:13
|
|
|
mint coins of pure water in discs of glass, like that dungeons and dragons plane that was METAL AS gently caress (the rarity of metal is what made it so METAL \m/)
|
|
#
?
Sep 29, 2016 06:19
|
|
|
every woman is born with all the money she'll ever have, and her uterus releases her allowance once a month. men can earn money by working at home
|
|
#
?
Sep 29, 2016 06:27
|
|
|
Higher denominations will be made of aircraft grade aluminum machined into complex geometric shapes that fit into special slots in the cash register because who has a CNC machine? Even if you do You wouldn't download a money would you? One dollar bills will still be paper but will come with UV ink that rubs onto your skin so you can see who the popular strippers / biggest pervs are.
|
|
#
?
Sep 29, 2016 06:31
|
|
|
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N65uFX6Kvpw
|
|
#
?
Sep 29, 2016 06:36
|
|
|
dookifex_maximus posted:mint coins of pure water in discs of glass, like that dungeons and dragons plane that was METAL AS gently caress (the rarity of metal is what made it so METAL \m/) Why wouldn't the coins just be made of rare metals
|
|
#
?
Sep 29, 2016 06:37
|
|
|
infuse all paper money with thc, have cashiers smoke it instead of using that pen thing
|
|
#
?
Sep 29, 2016 06:37
|
|
|
Mange Mite posted:Why wouldn't the coins just be made of rare metals change is made of bone and ceramic the dollar is water the elites use the metal to keep their slaves down
|
|
#
?
Sep 29, 2016 06:40
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 22, 2024 02:57 |
|
|
Ejaculate is now worth money but only $0.01 per ml. Female ejaculate will not be accepted because bitches just be peeing.
|
|
#
?
Sep 29, 2016 06:52
|
|