- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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Welcome to iteration 4 or 5 or something of the GBS anonymous confessions thread! If you have something you'd like to get off your chest, but you don't want it attached to your very important Something Awful Forums identity which you paid  for, it has a home here.
Compose your confession from an anonymous address at http://www.guerrillamail.com to avoid doxxing yourself.
(UPDATE: If Guerrillamail is down, which it is sometimes, http://anonymousemail.me will do in a pinch, but it is more annoying to deal with and more likely to get caught in Gmail's spam filter than Guerrillamail so it's not the best choice if both are available. You have to turn off AdBlock to use it, heads up.)
Send it to the dedicated confessions email account, saanonconfessions@gmail.com, and a thread caretaker (meaning either myself or venerable thread creator H.H) will post it here for you. We won't post the subject line, so if you would like to include a secret code phrase in it to verify that any future confessions on the same subject are from you instead of an impostor, feel free.
Oh, and if you're one of those people who writes multiple confessions all the time, please preserve the illusion for us by changing to a new Guerrillamail session between confessions, TIA.
DISCLAIMER FOR THE BUSYBODIES: There is a good possibility that a lot of the confessions here will be fake. It's all in good fun and should be treated as such.
 Note for suicidal confessions: Confessions detailing suicidal thoughts will not be posted. If you feel the need to talk about self-destructive tendencies, use the phone numbers listed below or consider therapy. GBS is no replacement for getting professional help
The US suicide prevention hotline is 1-800-273-8255.
List of suicide hotline by US state: http://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html
List by country: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
NOTE for anyone reading the thread backlog: whenever I say "see thread title" in response to a confession, I'm probably making reference to an older thread title ("Anonymous Confessions: Get therapy, and don't gently caress your therapist"). Probably. Non-zero chance I'm not.
loquacius fucked around with this message at 22:07 on Jul 18, 2018
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Sep 28, 2016 15:40
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 19, 2024 19:18
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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Got a few leftover confessions from the last thread, so we can get this started quick.
quote:
My biological father disappeared a month after I was born, and never so much as sent a birthday card my way. My mother had been trying to reach him ever since, and I also joined the hunt as soon as I was old enough to understand things. My confession is that I've been in contact with a hitman about killing my biological father.
My father leaving really hosed up my mother's life, and mine too. She had very little money and few job prospects, so we didn't have much growing up. Imagine a lot of skipped Christmases, birthdays, and other expensive gatherings. I grew up in the late 80s and early 90s but have no nostalgia for anything, since we couldn't afford it. I never had a video game, or cable TV, or any food that didn't come in a generic label, or any action figures. I never really socialized with other kids either, my mom worked 3 part time jobs and I had to spend my time out of school helping around the house. I even worked a few summers (illegally) at the diner she worked at bussing tables.
She spent a lot of her free time with police, private investigators, even America's most Wanted and the local news trying to find my dad. But they never found him. At one point we got close (they found he was using a fake name and traced that to a PO Box) but he somehow figured it out and up and disappeared again.
That life turned me into a bitter, jaded, haunted man. It also killed my mother at an early age - she had a massive brain aneurysm at work and died before she hit the floor. This happened just a few months after my 19th birthday. I used her life insurance to put myself through college (what she always wanted) and ended up with a good career. But I'm broken inside and fear/distrust other people.
From what I've been told, my father never remarried. He just kind of disappeared. He was young when he knocked up my mom, they never married, and my birth really freaked him out. Rather than take on the responsibility, he ran away. He lives by himself, in a bad neighborhood in a city about 300 miles away from my mom's old house. I just have to say the word and his life is over. My 2nd confession is that I'm thinking about confronting him myself and ending his life on my terms, since my mother never got to live the life she deserved, and neither will I until I confront this issue.
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I work at a mental institute. I just started on the actual unit (as in with the patients not just training) a few weeks ago and on the whole I love it. The problem is that I feel woefully undertrained and terrified of doing something wrong. I have an anxiety disorder that I've been working on and I know that a lot of this anxiety is just because I've never been in a situation like this but it's still very overwhelming. My coworkers are great and like me and want to help me out but the problem is that the hospital is understaffed so I can get pulled to other units. The one I really don't want to go to but will have no choice when I get pulled there is full of old people who suffer from dementia and other psychoses. They're mostly incontinent so there's a lot of diapers and diaper changing on that unit. I've only changed a diaper a handful of times now thanks to this job and the one time I did it on my own the patient was a pain in the rear end and it took over a half hour and he complained the whole time. Meanwhile, my coworker who was in training with me can get it done in no time without any trouble at all. He's about twice my age and has done geriatric care before but it's still disheartening in a sense.
Aside from cleaning up poo poo, there's also the issue of violence. Unsurprisingly, we have patients who are violent and have explosive personalities. The other day while we were giving patients their meds, one guy, who is about 6'3+" and ~350lbs and has massive arms, just punched my coworker hard in the ear randomly. We surrounded him and he had a look of pure terror and anger in his eyes and was talking about the voices making him do it. This is a guy who could easily cause a serious injury just with his fists. He apparently almost punched a door off its hinges earlier that day, though I didn't see that. I was obviously terrified but a coworker (who was trying to get past me actually) grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me along.
I'm not sure what the point of this confession was other than just that my job scares and overwhelms me and I feel woefully inexperienced. I'm wanting to get into mental health and I knew this job would be intense and dangerous but I overestimated my ability to cope with the stress. In the past I'd just watch movies and play games to relieve stress but for some reason I haven't been able to focus on either for the past couple months and I don't know why. Despite all of this, I genuinely love the job and am going to overcome these feelings of inadequacy as I become more experienced. I went to a state institute which is basically where everyone who can't go anywhere else or is from jail goes. It's the worst of the worst.
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Sep 28, 2016 15:40
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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That 'fesh gave me some really strong Mariner's Revenge Song vibes. Find him, find him, tie him to a pole etc etc
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Sep 28, 2016 15:58
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- Drunken Baker
- Feb 3, 2015
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VODKA STYLE DRINK
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I think Anonymous Goon 2 should get Anonymous Goon 1 into their mental hospital.
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Sep 28, 2016 15:59
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- Dial-a-Dog
- May 22, 2001
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I hope the murderous bastard confession is real because it makes me feel way better about my life that at least I haven't spent decades obsessing over a stranger. The guy could've been the best dude in the world and been hit by a bus the day you were born and it would've had the exact same effect on you and your mom's lives
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Sep 28, 2016 16:01
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- ElGroucho
- Nov 1, 2005
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We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane
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Fun Shoe
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Patricide dude already, off to a great start
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Sep 28, 2016 16:12
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
My friend needs a kidney transplant in order to live. She is an ex-graphics artist who is completely blind, cannot afford a guide dog, and is taken care of by her husband 24 hours a day. She is on disability yet still has a very hard time paying for her kid.
Why am I anonymously confessing this? Because well intentioned goons will pay for some weirdo in Alabama to make hot dogs, yet I feel uncomfortable asking for help for my friend who is legitimately dying and needs help. I'm a lil pissed about that.
I don't know, we all dead, gently caress it.
quote:
I just can't stop buying titles for people. Money is no real object as I live a very simple lifestyle and make good money in cisco networking for an oil company. I've run several people off of a popular subforum on SA and I enjoy making them feel lovely because a lot of them are in fact lovely. There was this one guy who was like the poster boy for anime pedophiles and I just couldn't stop myself from buying him like 10 custom titles that called him such. I'm pretty sure a bunch of other people joined in. I have no idea what ever happened to him but I'm just glad he's gone somewhere I don't have to see his weird little girl fixation.
I did basically the same thing for that ex-military guy who was a troon. I think I did the forums a service as well as paid money to support the forums, but I'm sure someone would think its unhealthy. It probably is.
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Sep 28, 2016 17:13
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- FlimFlam Imam
- Mar 1, 2007
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Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams
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Dad Beat.So What
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Sep 28, 2016 18:53
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- Chinese Stakeout
- Apr 21, 2010
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I grew up in the late 80s and early 90s but have no nostalgia for anything, since we couldn't afford it.
This is my favorite line.
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Sep 28, 2016 18:57
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- ElGroucho
- Nov 1, 2005
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We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane
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Fun Shoe
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This is my favorite line.
There is no nostalgia if you didn't have Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figures man
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Sep 28, 2016 18:59
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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This is my favorite line.
Tbf there are a lot of people on the Internet who will immediately start talking about Ren & Stimpy or whatever if they see the phrase "I grew up in the late 80s and early 90s" without a disclaimer on there
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Sep 28, 2016 21:00
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- Harakiri Potter
- Oct 18, 2004
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REACH HEAVEN THROUGH VIOLENCE BABY
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Deadbeat Dad Goon:
The "hitman" you're talking to is an FBI agent you loving idiot
I know, right. Doesn't anyone ever watch whatever Court TV is now?
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Sep 28, 2016 22:22
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- VendaGoat
- Nov 1, 2005
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I feel like Psyopmonkey was probably a way better poster than whoever this is 
But yeah that's pretty strange man it's not the money so much as the obsessing over internet strangers.
It seems everyone needs a hobby.
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Sep 28, 2016 22:24
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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$100 is p impressive (and might have been the confessor)
The most amount of money anyone ever spent on me in one day was $30 because they really hated Tom Brady
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Sep 28, 2016 22:37
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
I enjoy emotionally and mentally torturing myself. I keep myself from enjoyable things like meeting new people and having sex because of how enjoyable the feeling will be when I look back on my life when I'm close to death. Just the idea of me on my death bed and heart heavy with regret makes me smile.
For the same reason I also shut down people who act friendly or want to be friends with me.
quote:
First of all I will say I am a coprophile. That's a pretty pathetic thing to be and must be close to the limit of dom/sub stuff. I've never told anyone and have tried to enjoy a normal sex life.
A few days ago though I had a waking fantasy where, instead of me defecating on a woman, a woman was shiting, but form an rear end in a top hat beween her tits. The whole thing was real hot in my dream but when I awoke even I was disgusted.
Everyone seems to feel the need to justify each email they send so I'll say that I thought you would get a laugh and I'd finally get to tell someone about this bizarre fetish I might be developing, for something that disgusts me and what's more that's physically impossible. To be clear I am NOT masturbating while writing this.
those were both kinda short so I'll break a rule and throw in a third
quote:
My girlfriend and I were having sex and she asked me to talk dirty to her. I'm worried that destroyed our relationship.
We have pretty vanilla sex all things considered. I look at some weird pornography to scratch the itch, my girlfriend understands this and has agreed it's okay. I mostly look at foot fetish stuff, breast domination, and some MILF stuff. Those are my tastes, simple as that.
So we're having sex and she asks me to talk dirty. So I call her my filthy foot slut and start chewing on her ear. She seemed okay and I went more hardcore - calling her a cum slut and a dick loving bitch, all of which she was okay with. Then I hosed up.
I called her Mom as I was cumming.
Holy poo poo, I have never seen her move so fast. She pushed me off, jumped off the bed and threw on a robe so fast I barely registered what was happening. She started grilling me with questions like if I had an issue with my mom (I don't), if I fantasized about my mom (I don't), if I fantasized about HER mom (maybe a little, admittedly), stuff like that. She asked me to leave and as I was walking out I heard her get in the shower.
She's barely talked to me since then - just a text or two a day. We had been dating for almost a year and now it's like she's a stranger again. I think it's over and I don't know what to do. I've asked to see her multiple times and she just says "I'm not ready yet" every single time.
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Sep 29, 2016 02:49
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- JnnyThndrs
- May 29, 2001
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HERE ARE THE FUCKING TOWELS
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Patricidal goon is named Sue, that's the real reason he's so pissed.
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Sep 29, 2016 02:49
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- Putty
- Mar 21, 2013
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HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS
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hell yeah but you forgot the thread tag dude
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Sep 29, 2016 03:20
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- LethalGeek
- Nov 4, 2009
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My girlfriend and I were having sex and she asked me to talk dirty to her. I'm worried that destroyed our relationship.
We have pretty vanilla sex all things considered. I look at some weird pornography to scratch the itch, my girlfriend understands this and has agreed it's okay. I mostly look at foot fetish stuff, breast domination, and some MILF stuff. Those are my tastes, simple as that.
So we're having sex and she asks me to talk dirty. So I call her my filthy foot slut and start chewing on her ear. She seemed okay and I went more hardcore - calling her a cum slut and a dick loving bitch, all of which she was okay with. Then I hosed up.
I called her Mom as I was cumming.
Holy poo poo, I have never seen her move so fast. She pushed me off, jumped off the bed and threw on a robe so fast I barely registered what was happening. She started grilling me with questions like if I had an issue with my mom (I don't), if I fantasized about my mom (I don't), if I fantasized about HER mom (maybe a little, admittedly), stuff like that. She asked me to leave and as I was walking out I heard her get in the shower.
She's barely talked to me since then - just a text or two a day. We had been dating for almost a year and now it's like she's a stranger again. I think it's over and I don't know what to do. I've asked to see her multiple times and she just says "I'm not ready yet" every single time.
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Sep 29, 2016 04:15
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- dookifex_maximus
- Aug 10, 2016
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by zen death robot
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this is why is use the spanglish mami, the racism cancels out the incest by a human social mechanism known as ??????????
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Sep 29, 2016 08:29
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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hell yeah but you forgot the thread tag dude
I don't make threads often 
quote:
I'm really bad with money. The only thing keeping me from living in the streets is my parents, and I can't/won't stop. I'm in my early 30s, way beyond the point where finances should be such a challenge. Sorry in advance for all the words below, but I have had a lot of bad luck.
I made okay money - about 4000 a month take home pay originally. I used to have an apartment, a car lease, a dog, and a social life. But I was living paycheck to paycheck and hosed up in a few ways - I didn't have any taxes taken out of my paycheck (I thought more dependents meant more money was taken for taxes, and put "99" in the W-4), and I didn't contribute anything to my 401k plan (this was solely my own stupidity and thinking I could invest better than my company). When it came time to pay taxes that first year, I owed several thousand dollars which I didn't have. My parents bailed me out, explained the problem, and I fixed the dependents problem.
I couldn't afford everything so I gave my dog up for adoption then, cut back on eating out from lunch and dinner every day to lunch every day and dinner 4 times a week, and downgraded from the super premium cable package to a more affordable one. I was now bringing home around 1500 dollars every 2 weeks and barely scraping by, but I was able to survive.
At this time a friend got me involved in Amway, saying that I could use it to supplement my income with minimal work and bring in a few extra hundred dollars a week. Long story short, I was scammed. I ended up buying my own product just to make my sales targets, then selling it for less than I paid for it. I was taking a loss on every single product I sold, just to try and hit the magic number to get a higher % of my sales.
I have an addictive personality and this really preyed on that, too. I ended up forgetting/being unable to pay my rent 3 months in a row and I was evicted. I also sold off most of my possessions in order to buy more Amway product to artificially inflate my sales numbers. That includes my car, since I started using my Dad's car to get around when he retired. I was named salesman of the month for my district, which meant I could attend a super fancy dinner. Unfortunately, I had to pay for this dinner, which put me even further in to debt. All in all, I estimate I lost somewhere between 50 and 75k dollars on Amway, between the money from my paychecks and everything I sold to finance more product.
When I ran out of money and had my parent's basement full of Amway product, they finally told me to stop. Through a LOT of painful phone calls I dropped out of Amway, leaving me with nearly 30k dollars of unsold merchandise. My parents bought that off of me, viewing it as a loan with the product as collateral. They wanted me to use the money to move in to a new apartment.
That was 4 years ago. I am still living with my parents. I spent the 30k to buy a new car, instead of getting an apartment. I proceeded to get into a major accident within weeks which insurance didn't pay for, since I was under the influence of oxycontin when it happened. So there went my car, and I still owe a considerable amount of money to the local VFW for smashing in to their garage door.
The Amway product is mostly gone - the foodstuff would have expired by now so my parents tried to use it as much as possible. The makeup was given away as gifts. Most of the body care stuff was too. There are a few boxes left and I'm supposed to use that before buying a comparable product at the store.
I am still living at home, making the same amount of money. No matter how hard I work I cannot save a dime. My parents are old, and I assume I'll be willed their house and money when they die. That's really the only way I see turning my fortunes around at this point.
quote:
I think a coworker has asperger's or autism, and I'm not sure how to approach it.
He's a really smart guy but very reserved and quiet. Early on, I told him to come out of his shell and talk to people, and work would go a lot smoother. For context for what happened - we work on a production line for ketchup, and see glass and plastic bottles, boxes, and those little containers you get at restaurants.
So my coworker comes in to work one day and everything seems okay. Then he grabs 2 bottles of ketchup off the line, bangs em together so they break open, and starts pouring ketchup over his face. He then yells out
"If you wanna see Stone Cold [his actual name] drink another beer, gimme a hell yeah!"
Everybody just stared in horror, but he wasn't done. He started kicking the poo poo out of a bunch of boxes that were stored under the belt. Our supervisor came by at this point and pulled him away. He didn't get fired but I assume he was told to never do this again.
Then a few days later he shows up to work with a little blue tooth speaker. He starts playing Hulk Hogan's theme song (I am a real American...) and starts running around the place cupping his ear and pointing at people. He stopped when the bell sounded for the belt to start and never mentioned it again.
The last incident happened yesterday - we were on lunch break and I was eating a sandwich. He comes up to me and says "Is that pie you're eating there? What kind of pie. Is it poontang pie? THE ROCK SAYS IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS" and then walks off. He never said a word to me afterwards and I was too weirded out to approach him myself.
TL;DR - I think my coworker is autistic and uses pro wrestling to reach out to us. It's failing horribly.
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Sep 29, 2016 13:21
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- Rush Limbo
- Sep 5, 2005
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its with a full house
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He actually sounds like a cool dude. If someone did that Hulk Hogan thing I'd totally hang with him.
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Sep 29, 2016 13:31
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- Drunken Baker
- Feb 3, 2015
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VODKA STYLE DRINK
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Hahahaha that wrestling dude is the best.
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Sep 29, 2016 13:46
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- brotato
- May 14, 2013
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Hulk Hogan coworker fuckin owns and I wish he was my coworker.
As for Amway goon, you're a fuckin moron. You make good money, what the hell are you spending it on now? I hope your elderly parents find a way to poison you.
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Sep 29, 2016 13:59
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- Rush Limbo
- Sep 5, 2005
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its with a full house
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You might want to not be there when he does his take on the career of Chris Benoit. Just a heads up.
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Sep 29, 2016 14:15
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- Cactus Ghost
- Dec 20, 2003
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you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc
the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack
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Amway goon needs a support group for compulsive spenders, and probably some therapy too. And to not drive high.
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Sep 29, 2016 19:19
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
In my state it's legal to shoot dogs that don't have collars on. Some of these dogs are left over from running deer during hunting season and they just show up on your property, sometimes 2 or 3 at a time. Some of them are pretty domesticated; some aren't.
Well, I don't make a distinction. I just shoot them and throw them into the gator and drive them up to the edge of the bean field where the buzzards eat them. I've become so desensitized to killing them now that I don't even get upset when I see one show up. It might even come up to the door and scratch and wag its tail. Then I'll calmly walk into my den, pull out my 38, swing out the cylinder to make sure it's loaded and go out back, whistle them away from the door and shoot them in the head. I've done this probably 20-30 times now and it's weird, because at this point, I have a dog that I love, who is getting on in age. And I want my old dog to have a friend through the last years of her life. My wife and I talk about it in bed and she agrees, get a good dog she says.
So I go down to the shelter and look at the pitbull mixes and hounds, and wow, there's a lot of Akitas here. What struck me was how many of these dogs looked like the ones I've killed.
On an impulse, I plunked down three one hundred dollar bills, and I adopted a young blue-tick mix with a nice name, a girls name I like. I think after my visit to the shelter, seeing those dogs that just want a home, that maybe I wasn't wrong to kill them. Then it struck me as I was sharing fries at the A&W stand on the way home with my new dog that I couldn't be doing this if some other fellow did to my dog as I've done to others. It's legal what I've done. Thinking about it depressed me a bit.
That's when I decided to see my therapist to talk this over, the same therapist I see for my PTSD and now it's been a few weeks of talking. We've moved on to other topics, I mean, things other than me killing stray dogs.
Not long after the turn of August into September, eatlu in the evening, a strange dog appeared on the farm. No collar. I lured the dog to me with a piece of chicken from my grill. Seemed socialized, maybe a part black lab, part pit. Hard to say. So I decided... this time will be different. I take the dog and put him in a calf pen, with a big bowl of water and fed him. That night I let him out and he came right back in, tail wagging. My other two dogs were a little wary of him at first, but it seemed like we got ourselves a new team, but my wife won't allow it. She screams at me for letting a feral dog near our other dogs, citing poo poo like disease and parasites.
That afternoon I cut hay and then took the dog to the SPCA where the receptionist told me, quite rudely, not to bring them strays. There was an armed guard in the lobby with whom I exchanged harsh words with, he mocked me a bit, kept jumping into the conversation - he was a fat man with no manners, and no sense of self respect. I left there feeling pretty angry, like what good is this loving organization? That guard followed me out to my car, and it was just "gently caress you, fatass" and "no, gently caress you". Guess we're never going to be pals.
Then I headed to the other, "no kill" shelter, where they checked the dog for a chip, which it didn't have. Their vet looked the dog over - it had no major problems aside from ear mites and some dermatitis in the armpits. So I'm all set. I'll just leave the dog here... but they have no room. They call volunteers and no one can house this dog. I really took to this dog, and he took to me. I called the wife and she refused to let me keep him. So I drove back up home and drove right on up the bridle path to the bean field and shot that dog.
quote:
In parts of germany there are sex clubs where you can have unprotected sex with women for money (AO clubs if you want to check them out). I have been going to them for over a year several times a month. That part isn't the confession though because who cares. My confession is I have never in my life been to a doctor to check for STDs and I have no intention of doing so. I am 99% sure I have had gonorrhea (or something similar - it hurts to piss, some discharge, sores in the general region) for a couple months, and I have been accused on discussion boards for these places of spreading HPV (girls talk to guys who try and figure out who the offenders are so they can whiteknight for the girls and try and get people like me banned) although I show no symptoms that I know of.
I never go to the same club more than once a month (usually I wait a few months before returning so nobody remembers me), but one club figured out who I was by checking cameras and having the girls pick me out. Sometimes they'll see something on my dick and I'll just say "oh I cut myself shaving this morning, don't worry about it". You may be wondering why I do this, and the answer is I get off on the idea of infecting people with something. I also consider it a form of a revenge and try to target girls that have clearly been working there for a long time rather than new girls, because I wouldn't be infected in the first place if they all practiced safe sex. It's not bulletproof logic, I know, but it works for me. I think I'd draw the line at HIV, but part of the reason I don't want to get tested is finding out I have something serious and be forced to stop.
pos my neg hooker provider
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Sep 29, 2016 20:36
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- Putty
- Mar 21, 2013
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HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS
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dog shooty man: just ignore stray dogs that turn up on your property, don't give them attention or feed them and they will eventually move on to the next hick house
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Sep 29, 2016 20:55
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- ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
- Jan 21, 2007
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heart say love doge
gun say pew pew
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Sep 29, 2016 21:00
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- Bonzo
- Mar 11, 2004
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Just like Mama used to make it!
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He actually sounds like a cool dude. If someone did that Hulk Hogan thing I'd totally hang with him.
Please post when he does Ultimate Warrior
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Sep 29, 2016 21:01
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 19, 2024 19:18
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- ElGroucho
- Nov 1, 2005
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We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane
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Fun Shoe
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dog shooty man: just ignore stray dogs that turn up on your property, don't give them attention or feed them and they will eventually move on to the next hick house
Alternatively, feed yourself to the carrion birds to assuage your guilt
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Sep 29, 2016 21:03
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Sep 28, 2016 15:40
