- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:I live in filth and the stink of decay. In my professional life i am doing ok and i am always smartly dressed while on the clock. But at home its all a big mess. I clean my floors once a year. I cant remember washing my shower or my toilet last year, so probably that never happened. I let trash build up for months before tossing everything out. There is always a fly or two buzzing about in my apartment because there is so much for them to lay their eggs in. I no longer use my frigde because last summer when i went on vacation the power went off and the food simply rotted away in my absence. On that occasion the stink of sewage forced me to clean out the frigde and toroughy scrub with. But it was too late to save the frigde. Even now it smells strongly of sewage when i open the door. I havent been able to muster the energy to get rid of it. I have stopped cooking. Now i subsist mostly on frozen pizza ( i buy one after work every day),soda and candy. I actually really enjoy all kinds of food. But whenever i get home i never have the energy to cook. Since washing up sucks i just use paper plates ( forgetting to ever throw the used ones away).
In the weekends and when i "go" on holiday i tend to stay inside all the time not bothering to dress myself ( so i wont have to wash my clothes).
Appearing sucessful in the eyes of the world and protecting my public dignity is very important to me. But i just dont care about anything when there is no one around to judge me. Things would be different if i lived in my old hometown since i would have relatives coming to visit forcing me to clean my domicile more often. But i dont know anyone where i live now so why clean? Why make an effort when it will please no one? Frankly not having to give single gently caress what other people think about anything outside of the office is big reason for why i moved here.
My landlord would kill me if he knew how bad things are. My apartment used to be nice, now its a shithole.
Haha..i am dying here.. choking on my own waste...lol.
Monkey hate guy posted:Hi thread,
Saw someone posting about me. I still watch and read the thread. Cat meatball guy is a loving sicko, but then again I'm driven to "a dark place" by monkies. Still makes me laugh.
Haven't done anything more with my buddy across the border. Little dangerous for a gringo like me in TJ these days. Thanks Trump. We tried getting another monkey. Actually he had an idea he read about online where this guy had a rabbit problem so he caught the pair, bought a big unfixed rabbit from the store and made the rabbit watch its mate get bred. A little much for me, I just want to beat the things to death. gently caress the little ones, marmosets. Little loving grabby hands.
Poor Baby Moneky videos are still my main fix. Relaxing after a day of stress. Supposedly it "gives me an outlet for helpless feelings we have in modern life." I'm pretty sure I just loving hate monkies. Wife didn't like the videos. It's okay. Played it off as a gross out video.
Having another child soon. Glad I didn't trigger off our first child. Guess it's just the flailing little treefuckers. All of them, we should just beat them all to death. I wonder if we did the same with the Neanderthals and this deep rage is some caveman poo poo.
Like I said before, we're out there. Monkey hate is a time honored human pasttime. Look at Faces of Death. Just hammer the fucker. There's a poster with a "I lust for monkey death." It's my favorite Av. Someday we will be validated. gently caress curious george, he's a goddam chimp. He'd eat the face off the Yellow Hat man in a second. Harambe got what he deserved. One day soon Koko is gonna eat it and I hope her cat eats her face.
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Feb 20, 2017 15:50
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May 9, 2024 23:06
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:I'm currently going to school for engineering, a career path I initially chose solely for the fact that jobs are more readily available and the pay is good. I've invested a lot of time and effort in it so far, and after four years in community college I am finally transferring to a university in the fall (I was terrible in high school, so there was a lot of catching up to do). I enjoy what i'm doing more and more every day, even though it is by far the most difficult thing i've ever done. I'm sure I wasn't born with a knack for the sciences, and i'm a little older than most students, but I try to persevere solely by determination and finding interest in the material.
I'm more or less happy with the trajectory of my life except for the fact that I have nothing but the strongest contempt for the majority of my peers. I was never mr. cool guy but I feel like James Bond compared these loving autistics and hopeless dorks. I physically feel my own social skills slipping away after every study session or idle conversation with these mumbly-rear end, pokemon go playing, PUA praying, 4chan meme spouting losers, but try to act as nice and gregarious as possible in order to make the forty-odd hours a week I spend on campus among them more bearable or if I need help with something later. Even though I am currently doing fine with the hardest physics and math classes offered I am seriously considering downgrading my major to something like biology because the thought of having to spend the rest of my life working alongside all these other retards makes me feel hopeless. Lately i've been catching myself absentmindedly fantasizing about instigating a fight and physically humiliating one of them, but I try to keep that out of my head as much as possible and focus on my work.
quote:I'm lazy at work to the point I spend 3 or 4 hours at least each day on the forums. Due to what I do though I regularly interact with all areas of the company I work for and exaggerate how much time most tasks take to the extent that I'm seen as a highly productive worker.
Up to four hours? That ain't poo poo. I have so much free time at work I took another, unofficial, job to do while I'm at work.
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Feb 21, 2017 06:02
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:Hey digital waifu guy, I absolutely reccomend looking into tulpas, they own hard and it's hard for me to love or care about anyone else, I literally haven't been lonely in years
She can do wonders for you and is probably the closest thing to what you want, I know the entire concept of them is crazy and possibly not believable, but there's quite a bit of resources/guides/stories if you're still questioning it
I guess this is also a confession that I have one and all of the above applies, I live on my own and I probably seem normal (I'm a cashier so I'm very aware of my speech) and I don't have absolutely don't have any crazy views except this
They're not magic, I know magic or any metaphysical stuff does not exist but it's still a cool phenonomin that I wish was somehow studied
quote:I used to work for a major financial institution about a year ago before I was let go when they got rid of my area. What they don't know is that for the last 6 months of the job I did nothing but steal screen shots of customer's account information. Social Security numbers, addresses, income, general holdings, drivers license numbers, date of birth, the whole 9 yards. My confession is that even though I have all of this information I don't know enough about identity theft to actually use it. If I get a credit card and have it sent to me or somewhere I can get it then it can be tied back to me, and I don't know how else I can use the information without actually hurting the people I took it from (wouldn't have a problem with the credit cards because that would be reported as fraud and taken off their credit history so really only the credit card company would be out).
Once I figure out a way to actually use it though I think I can make probably a few thousand extra a month for several years.
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Feb 21, 2017 14:46
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:Hi, I'm the worst goon on the SA forums. Why? Because I kidnapped somebody once.
It was justified, I didn't hurt her, and I let her go pretty quickly after realizing it was a hosed up thing to do. But it happened and I can't undo it.
She was my first major girlfriend (23 me vs 19 her). Due to some religious brainwashing from her family, she didn't believe in moving in with me before marriage. I pushed the issue a bit much and she ended up dumping me over it. I tried reconnecting with her for a while via phone but she ignored me.
So *techincally* I kidnapped her. I went to her house (her parent's house really) one early morning, since I knew she left for work around 6 am. I waited for her to walk into her car, then I grabbed her and covered her mouth, just so it wouldn't alert her psycho parents. We had a good talk that day about things, but I realized we weren't getting anywhere and I could technically be in trouble for this. So I let her go after making her promise not to involve the police.
quote:I work for NASA in an extremely top secret capacity.
About 8 months ago we discovered an anomaly on the moon. We've been researching it ever since.
This info will reach the general public around mid-May, but here it is.
The object we discovered is a statue approxmimately 91 foot tall and made of stone. Its fallen (we assume) and laying flat on the surface. It's shaped like a human being, we can't find any non-human features on the parts that aren't buried under the lunar surface.
We don't know how it got there - it wasn't dropped off by any American missions and no other countries have claimed it. It seems like a big loving deal to not mention, our first thought was Russia did it, but they haven't said anything about it.
We do not know why it is there and, quite frankly, I'm frightened to find out.
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Feb 22, 2017 06:29
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:Nobody believes this, and probably none of you will either, but I spent 3 years trapped in a parallel universe.
I was working at Home Depot at the time. I was unloading the truck and there was a big metal pot for the garden department, something you'd put like a big tree in or something. Well I was kind of the comedian of the store at the time so I climb into it. When I popped back up I wasn't in Home Depot any more, I was in a desert.
I won't give extreme details because I'm sure somebody will post "lol dumb fiction, have fun with your creative writing assignment." But just know that I spent 3 years wandering the desert, finding a small town, trying to find a way back home, and eventually starting a life in this parallel world after realizing it was pointless. Then one day I was shot by a bandit and left to die. As I was bleeding out I passed out and woke up back in the pot in Home Depot, and it was like time hadn't changed at all.
I have had a lot of problems in life because of this event - I couldn't adapt back to "real life" for a while and spent some time living back with my parents. I'm just now starting to turn things around but still mix up memories a lot and sometimes slip back into parallel dialect while speaking, making everyone think I'm some retard speaking Klingon or something.
quote:I accidentally killed a child while working and I, along with my direct supervisor, made it look like I wasn't involved to protect the company and myself. I am going to change some details to protect myself and my employer, but this has started haunting me in a major way and I need to get it off my chest.
I was driving in a residential neighborhood during the day, and I should note, it was during a school day. Weather was clear and sunny and I was going about 30 mph. Too fast for the neighborhood, I fully admit. I took my eyes off the road for a bit to rummage through my bin and get some envelopes that needed delivered. I was on a clear stretch of road.
I was rummaging through the bin for maybe 15 seconds and heard a loud thud and my vehicle shook violently. I assumed I ran over a family pet or something that had run out into the road. I looked behind me and there was a kid, maybe 8 years old, lying in my path. Arm twisted the wrong way, head turned around oddly. No blood. I do two things at this point - yell for help and run to the kid. Nobody is coming out and I suddenly realize the street I'm on is all new housing. This kid must have run from 5 or 6 streets over to get here, probably to play around in the empty lots. So I stop yelling for help and call my boss to report things, before planning to call 911. I could tell the child was dead at this point and started freaking out.
My manager talked me down and asked the details, and then we did something really bad. There was construction equipment nearby. With some gentle prodding from my boss I put the kid next to a large piece of construction equipment, then took off the brake and put the key in the ignition. I will spare you this next part.
Then I start yelling again for help and run frantically from door to door. Someone finally comes out almost 10 minutes later. I tell them I found a kid squashed by some construction equipment.
The investigation went a long time and I almost cracked several times. But my story held, several kids including this one had been busted playing with the construction equipment before, and the neighbors corroborated the fact that I was screaming bloody murder for help and the people who saw my path through the neighborhood saw me turn down the new construction streets just moments before I started yelling for help. Not passing judgment on this child, but it also didn't hurt that he was skipping school that day and had been in a few fights during the year. It was much easier to convince people of the story than if he was an honor student, is what I'm saying.
I buried this really deep in my psyche and effectively repressed it for the last 5 years. I never told the girl I started dating after the incident, who is now my wife. I never told my family or friends or any other coworkers. And my supervisor never did either.
But now I am convinced someone else knows.
My supervisor was fired in July for several timecard falsification issues and making a driver stay on road when it was technically illegal for them to continue driving. He was found dead in his apartment a few weeks later, it made the news as a suicide, and we assumed it was due to him losing his job, which was the only thing in his life. I honestly felt some relief knowing that the secret was only with me.
But now I don't think he killed himself over the firing. I think someone came to him with evidence of what we did and forced him to kill himself or else they would take the proof to the police. I do not know why it took so long, and that's the only thing that makes me feel like maybe I'm just paranoid.
But I have noticed some weird things around my house of late. There was a small hole dug in the yard and I don't know who did it. There were a bunch of Jack Chick tracts left on the front porch, all of them about burning in hell. And somebody rear ended my wife while she was at the grocery store, then drove off without stopping.
Things have been calm for a while so I might just be crazy. I honestly don't know any more.
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Feb 22, 2017 13:50
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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If we're talking minutes between the car accident and the cover-up, I'm not sure how the medical examiner could know this.
Besides, some machines would crush the child, or a part of him, to such a degree that it would be impossible to know this.
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Feb 22, 2017 14:17
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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Here are some confessions, hopefully they will end the "fake or not?" derail:
quote:I was self-owned at work when I was a young idiot and, in the spirit of growing up, I'm going to post it here.
I used to pick on a guy at work who was short, skinny and, I assumed, a wimp. Constantly berating him behind his back, making fun of him to others, and a few things I said to his face. One day I guess he had enough and proceeded to beat the absolute poo poo out of me. I was a chubby guy with no athletic skill, I'm guessing he had some kind of martial arts training.
He was fired though, so I guess i won in the long run?
quote:I thought Scooby-Doo was a real dog until I was 15 years old. My parents told me that a real talking dog voiced the cartoon Scooby Doo, and I believed this. They said it was because the dog was getting older and couldn't perform in public like it used to, but people were so amazed they wanted to make sure to preserve his voice.
I also remembered seeing a "Ripley's Believe it or not" segment as a kid on Scooby Doo, but I guess that's just a fake childhood memory?
I finally found out when I got the internet at home and did some research and found out he was voiced by some guy.
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Feb 23, 2017 05:33
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:There's a pretty famous movie based on an event in my life, but you'd never recognize me walking down the street. You've probably seen the movie, and maybe you didn't even realize it was an exaggerated version of a real life event.
On a summer night in 1984, when I was 6 years old, something landed in the woods outside my family farm. My dad, brandishing a shotgun and taking our family bloodhound with him, went in to the woods. He was never seen alive again.
Our farm and 2 neighboring farms were under assault that entire night. Windows were smashed, doors were pounded on, and all the livestock was either stolen or slaughtered. Phone lines were not working and we were utterly terrified one of these things would get into the house and kill us. Our mom hid my brother and I in a bedroom closet, and the things never got in our house. The assault ended when the sun rose, and we called the police then.
I was too young to go with the police, so I can't verify any of this. But we were told that the police found dozens of animals cocooned in trees, wrapped in a pink fibrous organic substance. The animals had been drained of blood. They also found my dad and our dog, and I didn't find this part out until much later, for obvious reasons. But they told my mom what they found.
My dog had been twisted and bent and tied, like someone trying to make a balloon animal out of a flesh and blood creature. Bones had been pulverized in some spots, and in others they were wildly jutting out through tears in the skin.
My dad's chest was flattened and his ribs and internal organs were destroyed. The police theorize he was hit multiple times with a heavy object, something swung like a mallet or a baseball bat. His gun was found a few feet away and the barrel had been melted with an organic acid.
There was, of course, a massive coverup. That afternoon agents from the CDC were at our farms. They cleared away most of the forest, packing up several of the cocoons but then burning others and burning the trees and brush around them. The area where the thing crashed was apparently just a charred crater, and they scooped up a bunch of the soil from around there, several 18-wheelers full. We were paid for the damage to our barn, our house, our property, and our livestock. And then quite a bit of hush money to never mention it again. All told, I believe my mom cleared nearly 10 million dollars, but she never shared the true finances with us.
Four years later a movie came out, Killer Klowns from Outer Space. I do not know the filmmakers. I do not know if this was a government dis-info project. I don't know if they attempted to tell the true story but the government forced them to change it. But I do wonder if this is how a survivor of the Titanic felt when the James Cameron movie came out - a combination of terror reliving a terrible night, awe at seeing your story told, and indignation knowing someone is profiting off a personal tragedy.
quote:I was struck by lightning in my teen years and I believe it destroyed a vital part of me. I have no emotions any more.
I was dating a girl at the time and, after the strike, I didn't feel anything for her. We got into a massive argument over this, well really, she did. I just stood there and clinically responded to her angry shouts and tears. We broke up and I still feel absolutely nothing about that whole relationship, despite us dating for nearly 2 years before that and her having been my first kiss, which used to mean a lot to me.
This has caused me a lot of issues since then as well. I don't make friends and don't really talk to people. My life is waking up and going to work. When I get home, most of the time I just sit in the dark until I fall asleep on the couch. Things that people have recommended as hobbies don't interest me at all. Nothing really does. Work is good because it gives me set tasks to complete each day, but it's hard to keep up this feeling of success in my free time. I have errands to run and bills to pay, but it's not the same. I've tried cooking as a coworker said she enjoyed it, but it's so much work for minimal interest. Yes, things taste "good" but the work to caloric intake ratio is all skewed.
I feel a lot of monotony in my life, especially when I compare it to stories people at work tell each other. But I have no real reason to change things, it's working right now and it's not as if I'd have any fun doing anything else anyway.
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Feb 23, 2017 09:28
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:My girlfriend, who is in her early 30s, calls her father "Daddy". I didn't notice it when we first started dating. And hell, maybe she didn't do it because she realized how weird it was. But after 8 months of dating she's apparently pretty comfortable around me because she's doing it now.
Phone calls "Hi daddy, I love you!"
In person "Daddy! I'm so happy you're here!"
Introducing him to people "This is my daddy, James"
And creepiest of all to me, remembering things "I loved when Daddy used to buy me ice cream"
I told her I found this a little odd, and she told me it was an affectation she had and that it reminded her of being a little kid. A few red flags started waving in my head at this, but she was otherwise amazing so I let it go.
Then she started calling me Daddy at weird moments. I cooked dinner one night she worked late, "Thanks Daddy, Mommy really appreciates this"
We have a dog together "Hey buddy, do you love Daddy like I love Daddy?"
It hasn't come up during sex, which is good because that would be the final straw for me. But it's creepy as hell and I have told her several times I find it a major turn off and a red flag for our relationship in general.
quote:I believe my young son, age 7, is a sociopath.
We have caught him killing animals as large as squirrels, and had to give our dog up for adoption because he continually would try to poison her with household cleaners.
We have taken him for therapy since he was 5 years old and started showing these traits. Therapy hasn't helped, if anything it's just made things worse as he's now learned now to lie and manipulate people.
I believe this might be my fiance and I's fault. We didn't realize she was pregnant until almost the 2nd trimester, and both of us drank pretty heavily during the pregnancy. But he was born without any noticeable physical or mental disabilities.
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Feb 23, 2017 13:31
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:Some backstory first.
My wife and I originally married as an act of convenience for us both. We met online playing WoW and became really close, but I wouldn't say we were in love yet. More just good friends who found each other somewhat attractive but were too socially awkward to do anything. She was from Japan, which was like triple amazing for a nerdy white boy like me. I also believed she was really wealthy, because she came to visit me twice, all by herself, despite only being 20 years old. She also paid for EVERYTHING while she visited me.
She mentioned wanting to stay in America, I agreed, and we married. Basically marriage was our moment of "do you want to become exclusive dating partners?" with the added benefit of allowing her to stay in the United States eventually. We slowly fell in love over the first year of marriage, everything went well with all the fun paperwork and government red tape, and now we've been married for 6 years and truly love each other.
However, about 3 weeks in to marriage she confessed that the money funding our visits wasn't from her. Her father was in the Yakuza, and she originally wanted to marry an American to get away from that life. Her father did not approve of the marriage, our relationship, and definitely not the nearly 400 thousand dollars of Yakuza money she spent on our time together, our wedding, a down payment on a house, etc.
I was told in no uncertain terms that I had to repay the money with interest or I would be killed, and that I would most likely be killed just for marrying the daughter without getting the approval of the father and the Yakuza.
I did the only logical thing at this point - I bought a gun for our protection and started researching people who had been in similar situations. Witness protection was an option, but my wife feared moles that would rat us out. We could only trust each other so we went deeply undercover. We moved to a flyover state, we both work local jobs under the table, and we don't leave any kind of footprint. I haven't spoken to any family members in years for fear of the Yakuza finding us or hurting them.
quote:I work in the White House, although I'm not the anon goon who posted previously. I don't know if I believe that confession because although SOME of it was true, the Hulk Hogan thing most assuredly did not happen. Maybe that was just casting reasonable doubt on the rest of the confession to shield his identity, but I don't know. I'm effectively just a member of the cleaning crew, so I don't have much to say on his important meetings, but here we go:
One of the first things we had to do in the White House was remove all of the CFL bulbs and replace them with LED bulbs. Trump believes CFL bulbs cause cancer.
Trump did indeed tip most of the regular staff. He gave me 20 dollars after vacuuming the oval office and said I was "doing a bang up job".
We've been told that if (not when, if) Barron visits the White House that we have to dim all the lights, throw down some colorful rugs in whatever room he stays in, and remove any plants or flowers, real or fake, from the room. I don't know if the child has Autism but he definitely has something.
You probably already know this based on his tweets, but Trump watches Fox News every morning to "get caught up" on world events. The only other things he watches regularly are WWE Monday Night Raw, reruns of King of Queens, and the Golf Channel.
Admittedly I haven't seen the guy much so far given his diplomatic trips so far, but he seems okay if not a bit eccentric. The light bulb thing is worrying.
Also this is I guess more on me than anything else, but I thought I saw Melania Trump in the hallway one day, until she got closer and I realized it was Caitlin Jenner. I know Trump is close friends with Caitlin from when she was still Bruce, but I thought this was a funny resemblance that I can't unsee now.
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Feb 24, 2017 19:51
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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Sorry about not posting, had a busy weekend.
quote:I have admittedly pretty sub-par personal hygiene but see no reason to change it. I'm unmarried, don't plan on getting married, and live alone. No one at work has complained yet either.
I know a few people shower every day, and most people do it at least every 2-3 days. I'm more like once a week. Especially now in the winter, it's so cold I don't sweat very much and don't see the need to waste 10-15 minutes every day showering. I also can't use a lot of chemicals due to sensitive skin and hair, so my showers are "Old World Style" - I rinse myself off with a washcloth and water, nothing else. It's better for me (and for people in general) but there's a stigma set up by the Cosmetic industry that you've always gotta use soap and shampoo or you're gross.
I also don't believe in using fluoride since the population control aspects are pretty well known. And since water's fluoridated and toothpaste is too, my teeth brushing routine is outside the norm a bit. I gargle with some bottled, boiled water. Then brush with baking soda, then rinse again. It's a better clean than the toothpaste industry gives you, but it's not considered "normal". What's admittedly bad is I only brush every 4-5 days because I have sensitive gums that bleed pretty often if I brush too hard.
But before passing judgment, I'll note again that nobody has ever complained about my hygiene in any way.
quote:While on a drug fueled trip across the pond, I ended up getting a really bad infection. That was nearly a month ago and the infection hasn't gone away, it's only gotten worse. I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose my hand at this rate, given that I can see the tendon and bone as I type this.
I do not have insurance and would rather just chop the thing off myself than go into debt so some doctor can line his pockets.
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Feb 26, 2017 06:38
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:It is a bad idea to leave your Email open on your friends computer. My friends did this back in 2000 whilst we were at college. I looked through his Hotmail and noticed that he had recently mailed his girlfriend.
So obviously myself and 2 other friends thought it would be funny to compose a love poem. We took about an hour to compose it and it was truly terrible. The only lines I can recall are
"You are like a sexy carrot and I want to eat you but not actually eat you, I'm not a cannibal!" She was ginger
and
"I will kiss your coochie every day!"
The day after they split and he was very sad and withdrawn, may not be the most serious thing but I feel like we interrupted the course of true love and still feel guilty to this day.
quote:I fled my home country 8 years ago and have been living illegally in Toronto Canada ever since. I'm not ashamed of what I did. When your family and friends all cut you off for coming out as a big queermo, you do what you can.
I had friends in Toronto who(at the time) took me in. And I made it work for me somehow. I managed to get work as a waitress working under the table and find my own place. Though I have many times been stiffed at different establishments, I kept at it.
It took me years to save up the money to get a lawyer to assist me in the long overdue process of finally immigrating. I've still had to sit on the process for almost five years without getting it started as I had to spend a great deal of time and money recovering the necessary documents from my old country over phone and mail.
By all accounts I should be proud of what I've accomplished. But as the years go on, I can't help but feel bitter about everything. About losing my job, my family, my friends, my home country. Never finishing my education. Having to slave away for a fraction of a livable wage in dead end jobs that can and have exploited me because they know they can get away with it. And I lost it all because I was queer. And I guess I just have never had time to process all that. And I don't know how to deal with the emotions that have begun to creep up after all this time.
The thought of how much easier my life could have been all these years if I hadn't come out upsets me greatly. Even though I know I would have done it again. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm trying SO SO hard not to become bitter and jaded, and I feel that I'm losing that fight. I can already tell I'm far more cynical than I was even two three years ago. I don't like who I am anymore. And I don't think I'll be able to take steps to fixing who I am until this is all done and over with.
I've been too busy surviving for the past 8 years that I don't know what it's like to not fret about having money to eat or pay rent anymore. And with the current sociopolitical climate in the States, all I want is to desperately get my application in ASAP. At least that will give me a light at the end of the tunnel. that no matter what happens or how long it takes, eventually I'll hopefully be able to have a normal life again.
I just want to be able to work and pay my bills like a normal person again. Go back to school. And not have all this hanging over me anymore.
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Feb 26, 2017 12:19
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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Something about her hands.
lol I don't know why this is so funny to me.
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Mar 16, 2017 13:34
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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I am not a weirdo who doesn't believe in gravity or whatever
If you believe in gravity, don't you understand that a flat disc is not a stable form since it is bound to collapse into a sphere because of gravity?
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Mar 23, 2017 15:34
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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I lost my virginity to the sound of her muffled screaming.
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Mar 24, 2017 15:35
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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I recently met a redhead who legally changed her first name to "Ginge". Yeah.
There's no facepalm big enough.
We don't even live in an English speaking country jfc.
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Mar 31, 2017 19:46
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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I have a job like this. My advice is to get a job on the side you can do on company time using their computers.
For instance, I wrote a few seminar papers. That helps to keep you sane, though in the long run it's not enough.
if your cock is so big you can gently caress your own tits, you're never going to be able to fit it inside someone.
if your cock is so big, why would you need someone else?
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Apr 2, 2017 07:13
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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I wonder what the company stance is on wearing huggies to work?
pffft, does your company not have diaper-casual Fridays?
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Jun 25, 2017 11:30
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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Vin Diesel plays Dungeons and Dragons
what type of monster does he play?
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Jun 27, 2017 07:40
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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At any rate, you know there are other fidgets, right? Other things exist in the world to fidget with that don't cost $170 or require a Game Of Thrones office conspiracy to make your boss let you use them in the office. I favor magnets personally.
I personally prefer clothespins. You should try it, it allows for manipulation as well as being perfectly suitable in size.
Also, gently caress fidget spinners forever.
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Jun 28, 2017 06:32
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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Hi. Sorry for my absence, my apartment was unlivable for a few days due to a gas leak.
I hope to help with confessions starting from tomorrow.
In the meantime, contemplate the removal of your genitals.
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Jul 28, 2018 12:29
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:I was raised an extremely devout catholic. Later in life I learned about people who would flagellate themselves to cleanse themselves of sin. I was never satisfied by confession, it seems like such a cop-out these days where you are absolved of your sins just by saying some words a lot of times. I didn't feel cleansed. So I bought a cat o'nine tails and started whipping myself until i couldn't take it anymore. I have scars all over my body and i've even been hospitalized once because a wound i couldn't treat on my back got infected. I refused to tell them how all the scars happened and they suspected my parents unfortunately, but I assured them it wasn't them.
There was some talk about sending me to the psychs but I was able to stay calm and rational/logical. It's just how I express my religious beliefs, whether it is right or not is between me and God, not a bunch of quacks.
Anyway, it is quickly not becoming enough. I still feel inadequately punished after a session and I fantasize about being crucified. Unfortunately that's not something you can do yourself, and anyone I ask to help me will just call be insane. I feel like that final terrible step needs to happen for me to be fully cleansed of sin.
quote:
I've just been told my sick girlfriend is going to die soon. She doesn't know. Her parents don't want to tell her for fear of upsetting her. I had thought she was getting better until they told me. I have to stay cheery and positive on the phone whenever I talk to her and it's eating me up inside.
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Jul 29, 2018 14:48
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:Mission summary: I was my sister's wedding sniper
In my state, you don't have to ask if anyone has objections to a wedding but it was going to be part of the ceremony anyway. When my sister got married three years ago, we were laughing that her ex was going to show up and do exactly what that last rear end in a top hat who sent in a confession was thinking about doing. "You should have security," I said, "Like an honor guard."
"Maybe a band of death virgins who are sworn to kill an enemy before they are allowed to gently caress," she laughed. "That's kind of like you!"
"What, you want me to stand next to you in a costume and a spear or something?"
"Nah, I know you hate getting dressed up and meeting fancy people and that you were going to try and skip out on this anyway." My sister produced the layout of the lawn where we were planning the ceremony. "I want you here," she said, pointing at a clump of trees 30 meters behind where we had circled where the guests were going to sit in folding chairs. "In a shaggy suit, with a sniper rifle. Ceremonial guards are just to look pretty and act as targets. I want real security."
"OK."
On the day of the wedding, the only two people in on this were my sister, my parents, and the minister. The specific line he was about to give was "Is there any person who wishes to object to this union?", but before he could do so, he went off script.
"I am given to understand," he said, "that the bride has hired a rifle marksman who is, at this moment, emplaced in the trees behind the field of ceremony, and who I am assured will be personally handling any objections to this union."
He paused, and the audience laughed.
"This is quite serious, I promise you," he continued. Picking up a clay plate from the alter, he held it out at arm's length.
I put a .22 slug through the middle of the plate through the middle with my scoped Benjamin 392 air rifle.
The audience gasped and some people turned around to look for me in the trees.
"Thank you," the minister said over the heads of the startled audience. Looking back towards the guests, he proceeded with the ceremony. "I believe the lady back there might have an actual gun as well, which is certainly something to think about. Now, is there anyone present here today who wishes to object to this union?"
The audience laughed again, and no one objected.
quote:So I've written in a couple times. The first was long, long ago. In one of the 1st iterations of this thread. I said I planned to rape someone if I didn't lose my virginity by 21. 21 came and went, but shortly after I did lose my virginity - rape free.
I've begun to realize some stuff about me is... unconventional. I'm becoming paranoid that Netflix knows. Oh, you've seen every ep of forensic files, dexter (even the terrible last season) and mindhunter? We know what you like.
I've always had issues with violence. Got in a lot of fights as a young kid.
Anyways, things got better - I lost weight, went to college, got a job etc. For a period things were good.
But now I'm older and in this weird place... not a virgin but haven't dated much. Not a barista but not as well off as I should be given my intellect and education.
I find myself with a lot of free time lately. I listen to podcasts, read books. My local librarian seems to be grey rocking me, so I've switched to one where I can pick up my holds w/o seeing a human. I love reading about spree killers and serial killers. I don't think I'd ever do either, but reading about the crimes is very fascinating, and learning how they're solved it's fun to think about how I could get away. I've been reading a lot about EARONS. God, what a legend. I can't even walk around a bit seeing if I can peep some windows from the street w/o someone getting suspicious.
But I've been increasing my walks... phone off, cash for any purchases along the way. Learning the city.
Anyways, I just feel alone. I've given up on therapy - I find I'm more effective when I see people as objects to manipulate. I think that's when the librarian knew something was up, when I checked out the gift of fear and how to win friends and influence people after a string of murderbooks.
I probably won't ever do anything... I think it's more likely I'll seize the day if given a chance to "stand my ground".
Anyways sorry for rambling. I'm just realizing I'm pretty messed up and I've successfully hid it from everyone. Fooled therapists and court officials. People tend to have a 2 year expiration date on relationships with me but I can stretch that muchhhhh longer if I keep it superficial.
Anyways, I know I'm not alone. I think there's lots of goons in the intersection of the various true crime / bad stuff threads who like me, are rubberneckers. Gore lovers who pretend to give a poo poo.
It's lunchtime now and I'm slightly drunk.
Thanks for listening goons. If you want to chat back and forth I'll re-reply to loq with the same subject in the future. I've noticed a couple gore fessors on here, I know I'm not alone. They weren't all me.
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Jul 30, 2018 17:03
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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From my experience, soldiers (especially those who killed enemy combatants) are very careful about even joking about that sort of thing.
Active duty is emotionally scarring, who'd have thunk it.
So my guess is he was either a psychopath or, even more likely, a non-combatant so distant from combat he might as well be a civilian employee who occupies a desk.
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Jul 31, 2018 08:29
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:I am a reasonably fit adult male and I got kidnapped and raped. I know this will make most of you say "well you must have wanted it since you didn't fight back". I did fight back. I was practically unconscious when they did it because I fought so hard they had to beat me. There were 4 of them.
This was about 5 years ago. The police did nothing, they said they can't get involved in "domestic disputes" unless there was clear evidence of rape, and they all insisted it was consensual. Never mind my bruised face and cuts, apparently if you're gay that just comes with having sex according to the cops.
My confession is that I'm willing to admit to planning to commit a crime. I will get my revenge on these people, even if it leads to life in prison. They will not get away with it. They already destroyed my life, I have absolutely nothing to lose.
quote:My confession is I think, allowed to be shared. In a darknet chat room, a no limits fun place where nothing was banned called "tabooless" One of the News Sites has lots of details (news so nothing illegal):
https://darknetlive.com/tags/tabooless-chat/
I didn't bother saying this back then, because I figured even saying the name would get mods whinging (ironic given past events). Or maybe it was ((loquacious)) i was chatting with and that's why he didn't post the fesh last time 
The media is very biased and focuses on some illegal content, there was lots of wholesome stuff like snuff and gore too that was perfectly legal, people chatting about fantasies.
Anyways I decided, as a joke to ask "Do you have stairs in your house" and someone responded via PM. We chatted a bit. I was drunk and it was late, I don't remember their handle or even the one I made up for that session.
Maybe that goon is reading this and wants to send in a reply? Tell me what we discussed, why I was there, if you're him. You can send Guerillamail via Tor if you're worried.
Anyways it's almost 3am timne to go to bed shouldnt have had a pint or 6 on a wed (thus)
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Aug 1, 2018 23:23
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:So I recently found out that my dad is a stoner. I had no loving idea. He similarly had no clue that I smoke.
A little background: I'm in my upper twenties, dad's in his mid sixties. If you want a mental image of him, picture Sam Elliott with a bit more weight, and add in a dash of Tommy Chong and a pinch of Ron Swanson's philosophy. Parents divorced when I was around 10, and my younger sister and I would spend a week at one house, then a week at the other. Rob (not his real name, he comes in in a bit) is one of my dad's oldest friends, basically an uncle to my sister and I. He 100% looks like the middle-Appalachian version of Duck Dynasty; a mountain man, complete with beard. Lives in the same state as us, about 4 hours away. Just a solid, good guy.
I feel the need to preemptively justify myself: I was pretty loving sure that he used to smoke, the signs were all there: the faint hint of hippie gone corporate beneath the solidly middle-right-wing shell, the full collection of Cheech & Chong movies on VHS, the Grateful Dead records. I never asked him, though, and drat sure never told him that I smoked, because I figured the odds were 50% that he wouldn't care as long as I wasn't being dumb, and 50% the he would be out-of-his-loving-mind pissed and it would cause a huge argument. Obviously irrational and unfair to him in hindsight, but, long story short, he has major depression and it went undiagnosed and untreated until about ten years ago. Back then he had some serious anger issues and would go off over the tiniest things, so my sister and I still have an aversion to straying near topics that might set him off, even though he's a million times better now. Old habits, more or less.
A couple of weeks ago, my dad told me that Rob was in town for a few days (cleaning out his mom's old place) and my dad was helping him. As I hadn't seen Rob in nearly a decade, I dropped by to give them a hand and catch up. After a while we took a break, and Rob poured shots for them, and offered me one, but I turned him down (not much of a drinker).
Rob's puppy needed to go out, so I walked out back with him, and I have no idea what possessed me, but I mentioned to him that weed was more my vice than alcohol. Rob looks at me and says, "Well, you know that your daddy smokes, too, right?"
 No, Rob, I had no idea, and also tell me more.
Rob (who later told me that his stomach had just dropped, because he honestly thought that I knew and was worried my dad would be pissed at him for telling me) just said "I think y'all should talk". We went inside and sat back down with my dad, Rob loaded up a bowl, said "So, didya know your son smoked?" and passed me the bowl. There was a little awkwardness initially, but after my dad had some time to process he was fine, and he and Rob pulled out there phones and proceeded to show me all of their plants.
Because you see.
It gets better.
Not only are they stoners, they grow their own pot. "They" in this case being my dad, Rob, and about ten other friends of theirs, probably also old white guys. None of them sells the weed, they just send it to each other for crossbreeding and give it away to friends and family. In the house he lived in after the divorce, he told me, he kept his plants in the attic. There was never a smell that I noticed, though, and he never smoked when he had us (which helps explain why his temper would get worse over the course of the week).
I went over there earlier today, and he gave me what seems like drat near an ounce of high-quality weed, plus another half or so to take to one of my closest friends, who is a disabled army vet with chronic pain and a degenerating spine.
Anyway, hopefully this isn't too positive for the thread, but I'm not telling anyone I know except my friend, who my dad okayed, because weed is, for the moment, still very illegal to grow in our state. Loose lips and so on, and I absolutely won't risk that, but I figure this is safe.
quote:To the goon who has stalked by the MIB, I can relate. To the goons who mocked it as fiction? I can’t confirm his story was real, but I can tell you that the MIB exists and loves to ruin lives.
I was on a commercial airline around 10 years ago and saw a mass of purple and green lights out the window, looking almost like a jellyfish without any kind of tentacles.
I showed my seat mate and buzzed for the stewardess, who also saw it. I took pictures on my phone (attached to this email) and got contact info from the stewardess and the guy next to me.
After we landed I got in contact with the local Air Force base to report it. I did not share the contact info for my friends, just told them what I saw, where, and that I had a picture.
That night my house was broken into but nothing was taken. I called my friends much later and they also experienced break ins that day.
A guy from the base came out a few days later, looked at the picture, and gave me an email address to send it to. That was the last I heard from anybody there.
A few days later my dog was run over. I found him outside with a note stuck to his collar saying “we apologize for this, difficult to see when looking at the sky for things that don’t exist”.
My house was broken into 6 more times over the next 5 years until I finally got fed up and moved.
I started getting phone calls threatening me, seeing people follow me, and hearing people whisper my name in public.
A weird guy started at work and kept asking about me. When I introduced myself he said his brother was on the Air Force and heard about my UFO. When I pressed him more he said that I had made some big waves.
About a month later my tires were slashed at work. The weird guy offered to drive me to get some new ones. I agreed. While we were driving he pulled out a knife and told me it was “the ol’ tire slasher” and that it was cold. He told me it wanted a warm body to hide in, and that it loved guys who talked about UFOs. I was terrified and he stopped at a Sam’s Club and told me to get out. Then he laughed like a maniac and drive away. I never saw him again, he never showed up to work and nobody could contact him. His residence was a lovely apartment building and nobody could point him out there.
I now live 300 miles away from where I did when I saw the UFO, all because of poo poo like that.
Every time I fly I see guys walking through the airport, watching me. Always in black suits. I flew to Pittsburgh about a month ago and one approached me when I was at baggage claim.
He had a prosthetic hand and slapped it on my shoulder, then told me “There’s a lot of stuff out there, we call em the worms. They’re not worth losing a hand for, that’s for true.”
That was my last incident.
e:for some reason neither the img tag nor an attachment to the post is working, so you'll have to imagine the photoshop rather than seeing it.
H.H fucked around with this message at 04:10 on Aug 2, 2018
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Aug 2, 2018 04:07
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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It's a coil of colored light above a city landscape at dusk.
E: Snyped as if it was my sister's wedding.
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Aug 2, 2018 04:44
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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Oh, thank you.
It's been crazy with my new job and wedding planning lately, I barely have time for anything.
But it's nice to get back, I'll try to be more active even after loq returns if at all possible.
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Aug 2, 2018 05:20
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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Slow day at work so here is another couple of confessions:
quote:
I've made it through the thread and figured it was about time to post my own confession. Sorry in advance for the essay
I get frustrated at the current state of discourse surrounding trans people, and trans issues. I'm a bi cis dude, I don't mind penises or vaginas, I've been on dates with trans women (not trans men yet, I would like to give that a go), one of my uncles has transitioned and detransitioned in my lifetime, and currently I would say that 30-40% of the people I talk to daily are trans. Just getting the "my best friend is black" trope out of the way/trying to show that I'm not completely ignorant of trans people and their issues - the problems I have mostly stem from an inability to understand some facets of being trans.
I also have a close friend who is a self identified TERF. I don't agree with a lot of what she says, but there are some points that she raises that I would like to learn more about from a trans perspective. Actually, now that I think about it, there's a few things that I would like to ask my trans friends/acquaintances but I haven't really been able to come up with a way to phrase these things that fits within the ever shifting overton window of acceptable trans terminology.
So here's some things that I'd never ask with my name attached lest I get disowned by my friends (in case it's not obvious, when I refer to "trans people", I mean the trans people that I personally know or interact with):
* Gender vs Sex. Trans people claim that sex and gender are different. Sex being the physical/biological traits we're born with (male/female), and Gender being the identity we develop as we mature/grow (boy/girl/man/woman/etc). Trans people are people whose gender identity does not match their sex.
- If this is the case, why are trans women adamant they aren't male? Shouldn't maleness (sex) be okay if you're a woman (gender)?
- Why do trans women who sleep with cis women identify as lesbians, when lesbian is a homosexual orientation? If sex and gender are different, wouldn't trans women who sleep with cis women be heterosexual? Wouldn't trans women who sleep with males (trans women and cis men) be homosexual?
- Why do trans people experience body dysmorphia (resulting in top or bottom surgery) if gender isn't related to sex?
- My perception is that sex and gender are only separate when it's convenient for trans people.
* Dysphoria/dysmorphia. As a cis dude, I don't experience any gender dysphoria and I struggle to understand the concept. The way I understand my gender identity (and extrapolating from that for gender identity generally), is that my body is my body. It's the one I've got. Who I am and what I can do necessarily flows down from that. I don't understand determining my identity based on how I feel I should be (or should have been), but more from what I am and have done.
- Why do trans people undergo HRT to appear sexually male or female, when gender identity is different from sex?
- Doesn't attempting to transition from your assumed gender role to the "opposite" gender role reinforce the gender/sex binary?
- Wouldn't it be better to explore your identity and break down rigid gender roles while embracing your sex instead of trying to transform it?
* Nonbinary people. From what I understand these people want to claim the benefits of being trans (queer fashion, language, humour) without actually having to commit to the downsides (HRT, abuse, etc). The non-binary people I've interacted with have universally just been cis people, who act like cis people, but get mad when you refer to them other than "they"
- Isn't being a nonbinary person just a cis person who doesn't want to engage with (what they perceive to be) traditional gender roles?
- Wouldn't it be better to explore your identity and break down gender roles without making up bullshit justifications like "gendervoid"?
* Existing privilege. Like I mentioned, I'm a cis dude (have I mentioned it enough?) and for the last half-decade or so, I've been trying to read up on feminism and what I can do to be less of a piece of poo poo. I've read up a lot on male/white privilege, and I've spent a lot of long nights trying to come to understand how I've used/abused this in the past. It's been a hard path understanding how profoundly influential and pervasive patriarchy is in our society, and how it trains us to view women as objects instead of people (where's my cookie?!) but I feel that generally I have a good understanding of privilege and patriarchy.
- Why do trans women insist that they weren't socialised as male before they transitioned? From what I perceive, it seems that trans women have the idea that they've always been women, and always known that they're women, and therefore don't have any male privilege to work through
- How much does toxic masculinity affect whether someone transitions or not? How many trans women are bullied into thinking they're women because they don't fit into the boy/man roles that they perceive in others?
I'm not trolling with any of these questions, sorry if they seem phrased to be bait-y, I just don't know the way to ask these questions as kindly as I want to. Sorry I'm also focusing on trans women, they just are the majority in my life (seemingly in general), if I met more trans men I would probably have questions from their perspective also.
I see often that jibe of "it's not my job to educate you, look it up". But when I look up things like this, I tend to get resources from TERFy type blogs, or from cis people, not actual knowledge from trans people who can help enlighten, so if you have some resources to share, please link them instead of asking me to google, lest I end up appearing more of a transphobe than I already do.
Thanks for reading!
quote:
I Scam people.
I am a scam artist and use the internet to fleece idiots of their money.
I recently started selling frozen meals that I’m claiming are based off Donald Trump’s diet and are the “anti Obama’s lunch”. It’s all loving bullshit of course.
But I’m freezing a burger patty and some fries with a bit of chocolate ice cream. Then I stick it in a fancy box, call it a MAGA Meal, and sell it to idiots for 10 dollars. I’m making almost 5000 dollars a month on these. I also make knockoff MAGA hats with peoples names on them, thats where the big money is.
I’m scared Trump is gonna die on the toilet because that’s my gravy train all gone.
H.H fucked around with this message at 08:59 on Aug 2, 2018
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Aug 2, 2018 08:57
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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I wonder how much an authentic MAGA hat costs.
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Aug 2, 2018 09:52
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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$25 from trump
$2.50 from Alibaba express or whatever
Guarantee it's the exact same thing
Woah no wonder he's a billionaire
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Aug 2, 2018 12:05
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:Looks like Julian Assange is in the news again. Oh boy!
I figured it's a good a time as any to share a truth so outrageous no one would have believed it prior to 2018:
Julian Assange is a serial killer. That's the "dirt" that GRU has which turned him from Greenwald/Snowden style rouser to Putin Puppet.
It's right here, in plain sight, in an old OkCupid profile:
https://mashable.com/2010/12/13/julian-assange-okcupid/?europe=true
What does Julian love? Everything Russian, and *slicing up brains*.
Mark my words, Assange is going to make Murder Madsen look like a choir boy.
I'm sorry I can't share more to support this claim but read between the lines and you know it's true. He has the same "vibe" as Madsen, he's got mental issues, he was nomadic for a large part of his life. Documented anti-social tendencies. Goes so far as to brag about his "small brown packages" on his dating profile!
He's a literal serial killer and the Russians are holding it over his head.
quote:Dear ADTRW,
Saw that theres no recommendation for the new manga from the person who created Gantz and Robot Grandpa (the manga that has a set of pages where President Trump screams about making The Purge real).
I don't recommend Gigant.
Hitomi Takana (Japanese porn star that gets brought up in Two Best Friend Plays videos) analogue has a relationship that quickly becomes creepy to read and everytime it comes up it makes me want to burn things.
The plot is too slow and takes nearly 20 chapters to reach the premise of a giantess fighting monsters summoned by the internet.
The crazy old man who walked around with a bike helmet and had advanced dvd technology was cool though; I want him brought back into the plot.
No seriously the plot doesn't go "OH gently caress GIANT MONSTERS ARE ATTACKING JAPAN" until chapter 14. The fact that it literally rains poo poo at one point still won't change my opinion that Gigant isn't recommend for reading.
Signed
Giantess/Breast expansion confessor goon
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Aug 2, 2018 16:58
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:I live in a rural area and I work for a temp agency that throws me into different industrial or laboring jobs. I support a lot of this social justice stuff I hear about, but it's not much use because I very rarely encounter anyone who isn't outwardly your usual white guy.
There's this black guy at the factory I'm currently assigned to, and whenever I'm near him I panic. I've been taking in all this information about how I'm privileged and how even small things can cause awful discriminatory experiences. Whenever he's around my head is going "don't be racist, don't be racist, don't be racist..." and I act like a complete goof. I try to smile politely and it probably comes out all crooked. I try to say the usual poo poo like "good morning" but I'm making GBS threads myself. I'm really uncomfortable and I think he can tell.
I feel bad because you're only going to get the goofball version of me if you're black.
quote:Last night I got caught in a pretty huge lie by my fiancee. When we first started dating in 2010, I was 29 years old and had never been in a relationship before or even on a date. She was an extremely cool person and we got along great, but she had tons of stories about exes. I knew she'd probably leave me if I told her the truth so I made something up.
I told her I had only been with one girl, we started dating in high school and she had just started a job in the World Trade Center and tragically died on 9/11. I told her I was still struggling to get over it and that's why I hadn't been in a relationship in the intervening years. She was deeply sympathetic about it and we even cried together as I told her the story, and I think it played a major role in her having sex with me so early in the relationship, something she swore she never does. It was convenient because I could just blame my awful sex ability on the "9 year" dry spell.
So last year I proposed and she said yes. Because of where we lived she hadn't met my parents on the other side of the country, but we finally managed to get our schedules to match and let us go visit them this week. My parents knew about my lie and promised to cover for me, but when my fiancee brought up my "ex" my dad, who had had a bit too much to drink, started laughing and said "you actually believed that story?". My mom tried to cover and say he didn't know what he was talking about but the damage was done. We left the next day and the flight was pretty silent, and when we got home last night she told me to sleep in the guest room and "we're talking about this tomorrow".
I'm dreading her coming home from work and have no idea what I'm going to say. Why did I have to bring a national tragedy into it? Why couldn't I have just said I dated a few women but haven't found the right one yet like a normal virgin liar? My attitude is it shouldn't matter since we obviously get along great and this fake dead girl hadn't come up in years before this, so why can't we just laugh it off and continue on our lives?
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Aug 3, 2018 05:43
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:Preface: I'm very insecure when it comes to girls, and had very little experience before last year.
About a year ago I came up with a not very sophisticated method of finding out who likes me on OKCupid. If you're not familiar with the app, they changed it some time ago to allow users to "like" each other, obviously copying Tinder. Anyway, I started liking everyone who came up on the like queue.
Just endlessly mashing the "like" button. Great way to pass the time while taking a poo poo. The only exception I made, other than the truly hideous, were the profiles with no text. Such laziness should not be rewarded by a prize such as myself.
I stumbled upon a girl that liked me. She was not a looker (far from it) and pretty hefty, but she said she wanted to make friends and see where that might lead. I like what she wrote so I thought "what the hell?" and messaged her.
Long story short, we started dating. I was pretty in love with her at first, I guess because we were very compatible personality wise. Rather soon, however, that feeling faded. I thought about ending it but couldn't bring myself to it - she is pretty lonely, her parents living abroad and with few friends. Plus, it was obvious that I was her world. I agonized over it but rather quickly that feeling passed.
Then came my decision to move in together. What can I say? She jokingly said "that's it, I'm moving in with you" after another issue with her awful apartment. I was in a loving mood and not of too sound a judgement at that moment. I should mention we we're dating less than 3 months at that point.
Pretty soon our living together became unbearable to me. I caught myself at the door one time, sighing and dreading opening it. That's when I knew I had to make a move.
I wasn't sure about kids when we started dating, and by this point was pretty sure I didn't want them. I knew she was my complete opposite in that regard, having worked with children as a teacher all her life.
So I came up to her and told her that I didn't want children. A lot of tears followed in one of the most awful moments I ever had to endure (yes, I realize it was much worse for her). she stormed out of our apartment, coming back late at night with the words "I know you'll change your mind."
I was in a real bind. We talked about the possibility of couples therapy but I only wanted out. Gradually, however, the idea of kids grew on me. So a few months ago I told her I did indeed change my mind.
And that was all she wrote. I knew I was in it for life and didn't want to put off the inevitable. So last week I proposed. She said yes. We're getting married sometime in late 2019.
I don't really love her. I gradually started liking her again and grew accustomed to her, but I don't REALLY care. It's more about having someone in general than having her in particular.The sex is good (though if she was 40 lbs lighter it would be better), and by her screams I can say she feels the same way. I guess that was the situation for most married couples up until 100 years ago. Not saying it's a good thing, just saying.
How will I feel in the long run? gently caress if I know.
Will I actually care about my future children, my own flesh and blood? Dunno.
What's certain is that this is the biggest act of deception and cowardice I have ever committed. She likes to mention to me that I "chose" her, messaging her first (she has even worse self-esteem than me, and though I prefer not to know, her past experience with the opposite sex is probably even poorer than mine), and each time she says it, I can barely keep myself from telling her how I ACTUALLY chose her.
quote:One of my friends is the infamous Q Anon.
He is not a secret insider, as you might have guessed. He is a bonafide libertardian though with Info Wars stickers on seemingly everything in his apartment and heavily investing in crypto. I wouldn't say that he is taking the piss out of the desperate and dumb supporters of Trump but rather he is convinced that like The Secret, if he keeps talking about Trump making all of these secret 5D chess moves, that he will eventually snake out of the piles of poo poo Trump always stumbles into. He also thinks that Trump reads what he writes and hopes that he will do what he writes. I asked him why he keeps posting these stories and he says that it isn't like New York Times or Washington Post is any more credible. I guess he thinks countering bullshit with bullshit is perfectly acceptable.
One interesting thing to note though is that it is almost an open secret as to who he really is. He's been doxxed before and every few days a journalist will e-mail him asking if he really is Q Anon and if he wants to answer any questions. He never goes through with it but what is surprising is that nobody has exposed him...yet. Sometimes people assume Q Anon is a group of people which pisses him off. Sometimes people post fake stories as Q Anon, which pisses him off too, ironically enough.
I have no interest in exposing him because it's honestly more entertaining to see gullible idiots fall for his bullshit time and time again. Eventually some journalist will write that expose and it will be all over but until then, my friend will keep on keeping on.
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Aug 3, 2018 15:48
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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Here's something short and sweet:
quote:I have an embarrassing story AKA the reason I can't go on rides at amusement parks.
I've always had a phobia of heights, and as a kid I was a complete wimp. Even though my family often went out to amusement parks together, I never went on rollercoasters in my youth. They were high and they were scary, so I never found the courage.
Fast forward to college, a couple of my friends and I all decide to head out to an amusement park together. I figured it'd be fun to spend some time together. I was thinking that maybe I could just try to work my way up to big rides and no one would notice how scared I am. Who knows, I might even like it!
It was late February, the air was cold, the sun wasn't even completely up and we were the first through the gates. We arrived at the amusement park early because there's an admission fee and my cheapass student friends wanted to get the most bang for their buck. The place was a ghost town. My friends somehow seemed to think that it was going to get busy, so what did they do?
"Hey, we better get on the MURDERNATOR5000X right away before queues start to form!". I turned pale. I felt sick. To my credit I sucked it up and marched my rear end through the empty Tensabarrier labyrinthe before getting strapped in to this machine. It all happened so fast I didn't even have time to process that I was now trapped.
It started moving. I had no escape and this thing was climbing a hill to a goddamn drop. I was anxious. This motherfucker was designed to wait at the top of the drop and make me stare it down for what felt like an eternity. Then it happened. Oh God do I remember when it happened.
Something about the sensation of freefalling, the G forces throwing me around in all directions, the way the horizon dances from this viewpoint: it lit me up inside. I loved it. I really loved it. I started moaning in ecstasy and writhing uncontrollably in my seat. My body was doing the kind of things it should only do in the bedroom.
My friends noticed, and I was made a laughingstock. Nonetheless I wondered if it was because this was my first time, and if it was because I was on a really intense ride. The answer is no. I spent the first half of the day going from ride to ride and there is just something about rollercoasters that pushes the button. I seem to uncontrollably make sex noises, writhe and curl my toes when I'm under that kind of G force. I can't explain it. Anyway, now that my old friends and I have moved on I'm not keen to have anyone else see this happen to me.
The only other remaining confession is more of a request for advice on something illegal, so we'll skip that.
C'mon people, out with it! We need to keep it interesting for loq's return.
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Aug 4, 2018 06:33
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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Goodbye forever again H.H
Also both confessors should read the thread title
Here's me proving you wrong:
quote:Psychological pain fetish anon answering your questions:
I brought up my childhood since it seems like the chain of events is "violent childhood --> into pain & gore during puberty --> fetish." The specifics aren't that related otherwise. Just that the disclosure plays differently with/without that context and I'm not keen to tell partners about the context either.
It's also not really a masochism fetish, more like abstract S&M. I'm not into imagining myself or people I like in pain, that would really get me down. Its gotta be a fictional third party.
As for why I don't want to explore this in relationships: how would that even work? Rape roleplay or something? That'd be a huge turnoff to most people and and I don't want to found a relationship on hosed up sex.
Lately I've been scoping out people who like the same graphic books/art/music as me (Dennis Cooper, Xiu Xiu, etc.) so at least we can relate on enjoying that kind of thing.
quote:At age 25 I am possibly broken.
I was born into an armed forces family. Everyone I grew up with was kids from armed forces families. As you probably know, the armed forces likes to move people about from base to base without concern from the problems it causes families. As soon as I got to know someone in school either they'd disappear or I'd disappear. I started to get pretty jaded about friendships because they never lasted more than a few months. I spent my whole life being the new kid and never getting to fit in or create a lasting bond with someone. There is an exception.
My dad would be sent away on excursions, sometimes lasting several years. Often this would put my mom in a deep depression. When this happened we'd move in with our aunt over the summer holidays so that we didn't see mom falling apart in the daytime. I was shielded from this. From my point of view it was fun time to hang out with my cousin.
My cousin was the only constant in my life and my best friend. We'd go out to his city and do all the stuff unsupervised kids should do. We climbed trees, smashed bottles, started fires, jumped on cars. There was one time at night where we swung some pieces of box section against some flagstones like a golf club just to watch the sparks fly. It was as good a time as you can have as a youth in a deprived area. Nonetheless you probably can tell that this is leading to some hosed up incestuous poo poo and yes.
I was too young to even know what my junk was for when he started wanting me to use it. I won't detail exactly what or how many times. I'll just state the obvious in that I feel disgusting. I can't bring myself to touch the exact memory or mental video, it's like what's left of my sanity has wisely put that tape out of my reach. All I can see is snapshots of a few scenes in my mind. The thing that fucks me up, though, is that we're roughly the same age. I sometimes have this thought that rattles down my spine every time it drops into my head: Where the hell did he learn to do these things? Did someone gently caress him?
I don't know. I haven't asked. I won't ask. I'm not going there with him.
I want this to be a story where I have a dark past but overcome it and come out with a healthy relationship. I'm not there yet.
After school age all my friends left for college and I've been job hopping since, so I still don't have any consistent friendships. Having spent my whole life beginning friendships as a new guy and never actually settling in with a friend, I've never experienced being comfortable with the people around me. I don't laugh and joke and relax like I see the settled in people doing.
Then there's sex. With the exception of the incestuous times, I've never done anything like that while sober. Every time I'm in the bedroom with someone I really panic. I want them to be happy but I'm dying inside and I can't show that. I'm willing to bet that nothing would kill the mood more than "sorry if I appear a little awkward but I'm messed up inside because of some incest in my past".
There's more than that. I don't have a lot of experience, I don't think I've even slept with someone in years now. Whenever the opportunity arises and I get somewhere it's just messed up. I don't know what I'm doing, and at this age I think people expect me to, so anxiety sets in. I've never orgasmed or made someone orgasm in a sexual encounter, and I must have disappointed at least 5 people in my life. I'm a terrible lay, which makes sense but I want to be with someone. Not just a relationship or sex, I want to be comfortable with someone and share something with someone. At the same time, it's not fair on another person to be landed with a minefield like my psyche, or a poo poo lay like I am.
I feel like I'm leaving it too late to learn how to do the whole human trust and interaction deal.
I've been through therapy numerous times, but all therapists seem to care about is getting past depression or anxiety and achieving some bullshit SMART goals. No one wants to touch the big mess in my head. They hope they can just make me less depressed and maybe I'll be strong enough to clean it up myself. I don't have the money for a fancy therapist who could do some long term work, and the healthcare system where I am will only fund the bullshit mentioned before. It means I just keep coming back to be topped up with enough therapy to go back and function in a job. I don't think there's much hope of me learning how to be with other people.
To conclude: I wish I could be with people but lack the experience and have a lot of hosed up things in my head make it a minefield.
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Aug 6, 2018 17:20
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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That last confession is stdh if I ever saw one. The smug levels are just through the roof.
I know we're supposed to treat them all with a suspension of disbelief, but come on.
Even the alien ones are more believable.
In any case, I advise anonymous to chop his dick off. Just for being a smug fucker.
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Nov 4, 2018 12:24
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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Posting some confessions since I have time at work:
quote:Sorry this isn't a weird fetish confession.
I'm 32 years old and I just graduated college with a B.A. in History and got married this year. I also just started a new job where I got a pretty significant pay raise from my previous one where I was employed for a decade. Overall, my life feels like it's on the up and up.
My confession is that everyone around me - my wife, my family, friends, etc., all think I'm doing great and that I'm fairly intelligent, but I feel like a failure a lot of the time. It took me a total of 10 years to get my Bachelor's degree due to a lack of stable living environments, and I feel like that's not something to be proud of. I did really well in college, so I'm happy with that aspect of it. The student loans (not much, only about 50k) help compound the "what an idiot" feeling. My family thinks I should pursue a Master's degree (I'm sure I would be able to handle the workload and pass fairly easily) but I don't think it's worth the added student loan debt.
Anyway, the logical part of me assumes that most people around my age feel this way as we go through life. I guess my confession is I get sad sometimes and I don't think nearly as highly of myself as other people do.
That feeling you have? It's super common. I often experience it myself, since I have a challenging new job in a somewhat different field.
"Fake it until you make it" sounds like a cliche, but probably most of us do it.
But I agree that added student debt is stupid, don't let your family pressure you into it to live up to their image of you. It's never a good idea.
Here's a short one:
quote:I have it on good authority one of the /r/legaladvice moderators is a goon. They used a specific phrase that it is my understanding only a goon would know. I thought this was interesting given several of us in the /r/relationships thread like to rag on the LA mods, who are lame and bad and flip out if you insinuate Cops Are Not Troops And Maybe Troops Are Bad Too
The only thing lamer than being a reddit mod is doxxing one. I proscribe anon a healthy does of life, peppered with social circles irl.
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Nov 6, 2018 11:39
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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What's the Pete story? Can you tldr it?
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Nov 7, 2018 09:47
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 9, 2024 23:06
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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Nov 7, 2018 09:47
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Feb 20, 2017 15:50
