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Bastard goon, you sound like an utter fuckup. Yeah, your dad was trash, but not trashy enough to hire a loving hitman, you literal psychopath. Being a murderer is worse than being a deadbeat, and your life would be way better if you didn't spend so much time obsessively jerking it to the thought of putting a slug into his brain.
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Sep 28, 2016 15:55
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Also I'm pretty sure like 99.99999% of "hit men" are actually cops.
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Sep 28, 2016 16:00
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It never fails to astound me that not only are there people that think the Bush administration was anywhere near competent enough to pull off a false flag operation on the scale of 9/11, but that politicians getting shitfaced drunk in the woods in silly robes while lighting poo poo on fire somehow makes this more likely in their minds.
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Sep 30, 2016 17:30
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loquacius posted:He explicitly mused about the irony of this in the confession I didn't believe it until he mentioned that he works at a Jiffy Lube now, then it all came together.
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Oct 7, 2016 15:22
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Were they oral exams?
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Oct 9, 2016 20:14
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Solice Kirsk posted:You can unlock those with a rubber band. Why doesn't everyone have my knowledge of breaking and entering?! You definitely cannot, unless the door is hung super super lovely. What the gently caress are you talking about?
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Oct 12, 2016 03:04
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lmao at captain butterball judging his relationship quality by the quality of the food, just lol e: on the one in a million chance that that's a real confession please do divorce your wife because you sound awful and she sounds like she deserves better
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Nov 16, 2016 17:51
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Wizzle posted:Most offices large enough to have dedicated cleaning staff don't have toilets with tanks. lol this isn't true at all
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Nov 22, 2016 04:52
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it bugs me way more than it should that druggie cancer racist guy talks about getting way high on his dab rig hours before being introduced to dabs by his employees MY VERISIMILITUDE!!!  Also I absolutely refuse to believe that anyone who watched a ton of DBZ and then started hitting the gym wouldn't pump themselves up thinking of Goku. Shine on you crazy diamond, whatever helps you work out is good.
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Nov 30, 2016 22:23
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necroid posted:I'm not rich btw and I hope that humanity dies off sooner rather than later Really? I don't think anyone could have guessed this from your posts.
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Jan 19, 2017 21:47
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Or the confessor should ask for a reference to another therapist and ask her out.
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Jan 31, 2017 00:20
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Isn't that just a Nick Cave song?
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Jan 31, 2017 17:50
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X Gon Give It To Ya is a great loving song. I had "Steal My Sunshine" by loving Len stuck in my head for like a month a while back and wanted to die, I would have killed to jam out to DMX instead. Also to that second confession, that sounds like an actual personality disorder, probably should go see (and subsequently kiss) a therapist.
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Feb 2, 2017 19:43
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no, actually, pissing in a public food prep area for years is a pretty good reason to fire someone
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Feb 6, 2017 14:55
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Hahahaha "yeah man this team that has never ever won the Superbowl is totally a sure thing, I mean they're facing a team that only won four times, and the most recent was TWO WHOLE YEARS AGO! Let's put it all down, I'm gonna be so loving rich!" E: I can't decide if putting the money down during the game is even dumber than that
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Feb 8, 2017 16:34
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The Management posted:Football gambler, Tom Brady may be an rear end in a top hat but he didn't do anything to your marriage. You are the only one to blame here. I hope that your wife is understanding and doesn't dump you, but I wouldn't blame her if she did after your poor decision making. Really? Why? If that fesh is real the dude is neutron-star dense, and she probably deserves better.
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Feb 8, 2017 19:32
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I am all for forgiving him regardless, forgiveness is healthy and good, but you can't make a relationship work with someone who goes behind your back, empties your life savings, and gambles it into nothing in one night. And I mean, what are you expecting him to learn from this? "Gosh, I really shouldn't gamble away all my earthly possessions"? If someone hasn't figured that out by the time they have five figures in savings, they're probably a lost cause.
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Feb 8, 2017 19:55
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Wizzle posted:Buffet goon: exercise is also a good coping mechanism for stress. You'll find that food like that is incompatible with exercise. Also being in better shape will make you more attractive to whatever it is you're attracted to and will increase the chances of getting the secks... which also helps with stress. Yeah. Exercise is like the best mood booster around.
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Feb 9, 2017 17:53
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KomodoWagon is awesome because it's really obvious that all their tremendously stupid opinions are the result of decades of being so insufferable that everyone openly hates them. Every time he posts it's like a brutal self-own and he doesn't even get it.
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Feb 18, 2017 23:28
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"Yeah don't talk to your significant other about problems with your relationship because they'll decide you're not worth it and leave you," he posts without a shred of self awareness.
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Feb 18, 2017 23:29
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It's like poetry, it rhymes.
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Feb 19, 2017 01:49
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KomodoWagon posted:How old are you? Serious question Motherfucker posted:God drat dude, see a shrink.
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Feb 19, 2017 17:05
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Just so you know KW, communication really does solve most of life's problems, unless you're an odious font of unrelenting stupidity. You should work on that second part.
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Feb 19, 2017 17:06
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Speleothing posted:Computer ghost goon has me wondering how the chair managed to leave the frame of a stationary webcam Webcam FOVs are poo poo, it would be easy as hell to just walk up to the desk a little to the side and just kick the thing.
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Feb 20, 2017 20:46
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So wrong that you get dunked on by KomodoWagon, that must sting.
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Feb 21, 2017 19:24
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SniperWoreConverse posted:Parallel universe goon, write what happened starting from waking up in the desert and ending with getting shot, then put it on kindle and maybe you'll get a couple bucks out the deal I'm pretty sure the Transall Saga has been available on Kindle for ages already.
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Feb 22, 2017 19:01
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psssst yeah i eat rear end is kinda a moron sometimes still a good poster though
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Mar 3, 2017 20:40
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loquacius posted:This sounded too easy but come to think of it probably a lot of people really are that cavalier with their Internet security because it's extremely unlikely that anyone cares enough to gently caress with them I don't believe it's true but I want it to be. It's the most heartwarming tale of violating the CFAA I've ever read.
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Mar 6, 2017 19:50
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Gynovore posted:BZZZZT, here's your consolation prize, thanks for playing, ur bad @ reading
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Mar 6, 2017 22:26
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The DUI one is way more believable if you read the "forgot the baby at Walmart" story in r/relationships.
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Mar 10, 2017 15:39
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quote:I started digging in my walls in college and found several odd things that tipped me off. quote:Things that showed SOMEONE had been digging in my walls. I solved your mystery, crazy person.
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Mar 10, 2017 21:43
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That's not what "pray" means, but I like the idea of some pious virgin going around and praying with all kinds of newly single women.
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Mar 11, 2017 18:20
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Vampire fan, I have an actual wooden stake blessed by priests and used to slay three undead abominations, I'd be willing to sell it to you for $500, pm me
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Mar 24, 2017 20:33
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Rupert Buttermilk posted:Dead mom goon, declare bankruptcy, and then never, ever get yourself in that situation again. Holy poo poo dude, since you're posting from 1975 when student loans were still dischargeable through bankruptcy have I ever got a hot stock tip for you: it's this little company that's going to start in just over ten years called Microsoft, buy in big and early.
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Apr 7, 2017 15:13
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"Tuition costs are out of control and our students have crippling debt for the majority of their productive lives as a result. Maybe we should look into forgiving some of that debt?" "GET THAT SOCIALISM TALK OUTTA HERE YA drat PINKO!!"
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Apr 7, 2017 19:43
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-"it's not my fault" attitude -blatant racism -thinks being a college dropout makes them overqualified for anything -throws out hilariously low numbers of applications Calling fake is no fun but this is like STDH bingo
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Apr 13, 2017 19:03
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MY IQ IS SO HIGH I'M LIVING IN A SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD SHITBOX CAR AND HAVE NO JOB, BOW TO MY SUPERIORITY, FILTHY GLOBALISTS
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Apr 14, 2017 17:30
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DocBubonic posted:If these notebooks really existed, I would love to see some pictures of them. I assume they're the work of a crazy person (if they exist at all), but I think they would be fun to look at. Don't listen to this obvious Rounder spy. Keep the notebooks safe.
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Apr 20, 2017 22:46
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Zajajaja posted:Prions aint no joke cannibal goon. You got lucky this time but realize that with each succulent roll of the dice you could end up with horrible degenerative diseases that replicate like a cancer throughout your body. Don't be a fearmonger, you don't get prion diseases from eating healthy people any more than you get them from eating healthy cows. Unless you're eating the brain of someone who's shaking like Michael J. Fox, you're in the clear. What you actually need to worry about is The Hunger. Last thing we need on these forums is another goddamn wendigo.
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Apr 21, 2017 19:08
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Radical and BADical! posted:These are internal, corporate rules that are enforced on the whims of the bosses. It's definitely up to Bossperson whether or not this gets escalated to HR, and it is also up to Bossperson if he/she feels sexually harassed. I personally agree that it's sexual harassment but I would not ruin this dudes life over some rude photos of a butthole and bondage gear. Dude rules are not enforced on "the whims of the bosses" because if they were it would open up the corporation to massive amounts of liability. Guys do stupid poo poo - much stupider than this - to get their rocks off all the time and you assuming madness instead of the much, much more prevalent affliction of Simply Dumber Than Hell is weird as gently caress. And quit acting like ruining this guy's career over what he did is some kind of grand tragedy. It's not like he's getting shitcanned for parking in the boss's space, he sent photos of his gaping rear end in a top hat to his coworker. Not only is that a fireable offense literally any way you look at it, it is a criminal act. And you bet your gaping, exhibitionist rear end that the kind of person who does that is not going to be the kind of person you want to be working with anyway - they're the weirdo with the mail-order Chinese wife, eating homemade kimchi out of a bento box covered in cartoon characters, that goes on the treadmill in full chainmail to "work out".
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May 5, 2017 14:21
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