- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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Welcome to iteration 4 or 5 or something of the GBS anonymous confessions thread! If you have something you'd like to get off your chest, but you don't want it attached to your very important Something Awful Forums identity which you paid  for, it has a home here.
Compose your confession from an anonymous address at http://www.guerrillamail.com to avoid doxxing yourself.
(UPDATE: If Guerrillamail is down, which it is sometimes, http://anonymousemail.me will do in a pinch, but it is more annoying to deal with and more likely to get caught in Gmail's spam filter than Guerrillamail so it's not the best choice if both are available. You have to turn off AdBlock to use it, heads up.)
Send it to the dedicated confessions email account, saanonconfessions@gmail.com, and a thread caretaker (meaning either myself or venerable thread creator H.H) will post it here for you. We won't post the subject line, so if you would like to include a secret code phrase in it to verify that any future confessions on the same subject are from you instead of an impostor, feel free.
Oh, and if you're one of those people who writes multiple confessions all the time, please preserve the illusion for us by changing to a new Guerrillamail session between confessions, TIA.
DISCLAIMER FOR THE BUSYBODIES: There is a good possibility that a lot of the confessions here will be fake. It's all in good fun and should be treated as such.
 Note for suicidal confessions: Confessions detailing suicidal thoughts will not be posted. If you feel the need to talk about self-destructive tendencies, use the phone numbers listed below or consider therapy. GBS is no replacement for getting professional help
The US suicide prevention hotline is 1-800-273-8255.
List of suicide hotline by US state: http://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html
List by country: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
NOTE for anyone reading the thread backlog: whenever I say "see thread title" in response to a confession, I'm probably making reference to an older thread title ("Anonymous Confessions: Get therapy, and don't gently caress your therapist"). Probably. Non-zero chance I'm not.
loquacius fucked around with this message at 22:07 on Jul 18, 2018
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Sep 28, 2016 15:40
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 28, 2024 01:59
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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Got a few leftover confessions from the last thread, so we can get this started quick.
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My biological father disappeared a month after I was born, and never so much as sent a birthday card my way. My mother had been trying to reach him ever since, and I also joined the hunt as soon as I was old enough to understand things. My confession is that I've been in contact with a hitman about killing my biological father.
My father leaving really hosed up my mother's life, and mine too. She had very little money and few job prospects, so we didn't have much growing up. Imagine a lot of skipped Christmases, birthdays, and other expensive gatherings. I grew up in the late 80s and early 90s but have no nostalgia for anything, since we couldn't afford it. I never had a video game, or cable TV, or any food that didn't come in a generic label, or any action figures. I never really socialized with other kids either, my mom worked 3 part time jobs and I had to spend my time out of school helping around the house. I even worked a few summers (illegally) at the diner she worked at bussing tables.
She spent a lot of her free time with police, private investigators, even America's most Wanted and the local news trying to find my dad. But they never found him. At one point we got close (they found he was using a fake name and traced that to a PO Box) but he somehow figured it out and up and disappeared again.
That life turned me into a bitter, jaded, haunted man. It also killed my mother at an early age - she had a massive brain aneurysm at work and died before she hit the floor. This happened just a few months after my 19th birthday. I used her life insurance to put myself through college (what she always wanted) and ended up with a good career. But I'm broken inside and fear/distrust other people.
From what I've been told, my father never remarried. He just kind of disappeared. He was young when he knocked up my mom, they never married, and my birth really freaked him out. Rather than take on the responsibility, he ran away. He lives by himself, in a bad neighborhood in a city about 300 miles away from my mom's old house. I just have to say the word and his life is over. My 2nd confession is that I'm thinking about confronting him myself and ending his life on my terms, since my mother never got to live the life she deserved, and neither will I until I confront this issue.
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I work at a mental institute. I just started on the actual unit (as in with the patients not just training) a few weeks ago and on the whole I love it. The problem is that I feel woefully undertrained and terrified of doing something wrong. I have an anxiety disorder that I've been working on and I know that a lot of this anxiety is just because I've never been in a situation like this but it's still very overwhelming. My coworkers are great and like me and want to help me out but the problem is that the hospital is understaffed so I can get pulled to other units. The one I really don't want to go to but will have no choice when I get pulled there is full of old people who suffer from dementia and other psychoses. They're mostly incontinent so there's a lot of diapers and diaper changing on that unit. I've only changed a diaper a handful of times now thanks to this job and the one time I did it on my own the patient was a pain in the rear end and it took over a half hour and he complained the whole time. Meanwhile, my coworker who was in training with me can get it done in no time without any trouble at all. He's about twice my age and has done geriatric care before but it's still disheartening in a sense.
Aside from cleaning up poo poo, there's also the issue of violence. Unsurprisingly, we have patients who are violent and have explosive personalities. The other day while we were giving patients their meds, one guy, who is about 6'3+" and ~350lbs and has massive arms, just punched my coworker hard in the ear randomly. We surrounded him and he had a look of pure terror and anger in his eyes and was talking about the voices making him do it. This is a guy who could easily cause a serious injury just with his fists. He apparently almost punched a door off its hinges earlier that day, though I didn't see that. I was obviously terrified but a coworker (who was trying to get past me actually) grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me along.
I'm not sure what the point of this confession was other than just that my job scares and overwhelms me and I feel woefully inexperienced. I'm wanting to get into mental health and I knew this job would be intense and dangerous but I overestimated my ability to cope with the stress. In the past I'd just watch movies and play games to relieve stress but for some reason I haven't been able to focus on either for the past couple months and I don't know why. Despite all of this, I genuinely love the job and am going to overcome these feelings of inadequacy as I become more experienced. I went to a state institute which is basically where everyone who can't go anywhere else or is from jail goes. It's the worst of the worst.
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Sep 28, 2016 15:40
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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That 'fesh gave me some really strong Mariner's Revenge Song vibes. Find him, find him, tie him to a pole etc etc
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Sep 28, 2016 15:58
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
My friend needs a kidney transplant in order to live. She is an ex-graphics artist who is completely blind, cannot afford a guide dog, and is taken care of by her husband 24 hours a day. She is on disability yet still has a very hard time paying for her kid.
Why am I anonymously confessing this? Because well intentioned goons will pay for some weirdo in Alabama to make hot dogs, yet I feel uncomfortable asking for help for my friend who is legitimately dying and needs help. I'm a lil pissed about that.
I don't know, we all dead, gently caress it.
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I just can't stop buying titles for people. Money is no real object as I live a very simple lifestyle and make good money in cisco networking for an oil company. I've run several people off of a popular subforum on SA and I enjoy making them feel lovely because a lot of them are in fact lovely. There was this one guy who was like the poster boy for anime pedophiles and I just couldn't stop myself from buying him like 10 custom titles that called him such. I'm pretty sure a bunch of other people joined in. I have no idea what ever happened to him but I'm just glad he's gone somewhere I don't have to see his weird little girl fixation.
I did basically the same thing for that ex-military guy who was a troon. I think I did the forums a service as well as paid money to support the forums, but I'm sure someone would think its unhealthy. It probably is.
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Sep 28, 2016 17:13
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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This is my favorite line.
Tbf there are a lot of people on the Internet who will immediately start talking about Ren & Stimpy or whatever if they see the phrase "I grew up in the late 80s and early 90s" without a disclaimer on there
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Sep 28, 2016 21:00
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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$100 is p impressive (and might have been the confessor)
The most amount of money anyone ever spent on me in one day was $30 because they really hated Tom Brady
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Sep 28, 2016 22:37
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
I enjoy emotionally and mentally torturing myself. I keep myself from enjoyable things like meeting new people and having sex because of how enjoyable the feeling will be when I look back on my life when I'm close to death. Just the idea of me on my death bed and heart heavy with regret makes me smile.
For the same reason I also shut down people who act friendly or want to be friends with me.
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First of all I will say I am a coprophile. That's a pretty pathetic thing to be and must be close to the limit of dom/sub stuff. I've never told anyone and have tried to enjoy a normal sex life.
A few days ago though I had a waking fantasy where, instead of me defecating on a woman, a woman was shiting, but form an rear end in a top hat beween her tits. The whole thing was real hot in my dream but when I awoke even I was disgusted.
Everyone seems to feel the need to justify each email they send so I'll say that I thought you would get a laugh and I'd finally get to tell someone about this bizarre fetish I might be developing, for something that disgusts me and what's more that's physically impossible. To be clear I am NOT masturbating while writing this.
those were both kinda short so I'll break a rule and throw in a third
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My girlfriend and I were having sex and she asked me to talk dirty to her. I'm worried that destroyed our relationship.
We have pretty vanilla sex all things considered. I look at some weird pornography to scratch the itch, my girlfriend understands this and has agreed it's okay. I mostly look at foot fetish stuff, breast domination, and some MILF stuff. Those are my tastes, simple as that.
So we're having sex and she asks me to talk dirty. So I call her my filthy foot slut and start chewing on her ear. She seemed okay and I went more hardcore - calling her a cum slut and a dick loving bitch, all of which she was okay with. Then I hosed up.
I called her Mom as I was cumming.
Holy poo poo, I have never seen her move so fast. She pushed me off, jumped off the bed and threw on a robe so fast I barely registered what was happening. She started grilling me with questions like if I had an issue with my mom (I don't), if I fantasized about my mom (I don't), if I fantasized about HER mom (maybe a little, admittedly), stuff like that. She asked me to leave and as I was walking out I heard her get in the shower.
She's barely talked to me since then - just a text or two a day. We had been dating for almost a year and now it's like she's a stranger again. I think it's over and I don't know what to do. I've asked to see her multiple times and she just says "I'm not ready yet" every single time.
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Sep 29, 2016 02:49
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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hell yeah but you forgot the thread tag dude
I don't make threads often 
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I'm really bad with money. The only thing keeping me from living in the streets is my parents, and I can't/won't stop. I'm in my early 30s, way beyond the point where finances should be such a challenge. Sorry in advance for all the words below, but I have had a lot of bad luck.
I made okay money - about 4000 a month take home pay originally. I used to have an apartment, a car lease, a dog, and a social life. But I was living paycheck to paycheck and hosed up in a few ways - I didn't have any taxes taken out of my paycheck (I thought more dependents meant more money was taken for taxes, and put "99" in the W-4), and I didn't contribute anything to my 401k plan (this was solely my own stupidity and thinking I could invest better than my company). When it came time to pay taxes that first year, I owed several thousand dollars which I didn't have. My parents bailed me out, explained the problem, and I fixed the dependents problem.
I couldn't afford everything so I gave my dog up for adoption then, cut back on eating out from lunch and dinner every day to lunch every day and dinner 4 times a week, and downgraded from the super premium cable package to a more affordable one. I was now bringing home around 1500 dollars every 2 weeks and barely scraping by, but I was able to survive.
At this time a friend got me involved in Amway, saying that I could use it to supplement my income with minimal work and bring in a few extra hundred dollars a week. Long story short, I was scammed. I ended up buying my own product just to make my sales targets, then selling it for less than I paid for it. I was taking a loss on every single product I sold, just to try and hit the magic number to get a higher % of my sales.
I have an addictive personality and this really preyed on that, too. I ended up forgetting/being unable to pay my rent 3 months in a row and I was evicted. I also sold off most of my possessions in order to buy more Amway product to artificially inflate my sales numbers. That includes my car, since I started using my Dad's car to get around when he retired. I was named salesman of the month for my district, which meant I could attend a super fancy dinner. Unfortunately, I had to pay for this dinner, which put me even further in to debt. All in all, I estimate I lost somewhere between 50 and 75k dollars on Amway, between the money from my paychecks and everything I sold to finance more product.
When I ran out of money and had my parent's basement full of Amway product, they finally told me to stop. Through a LOT of painful phone calls I dropped out of Amway, leaving me with nearly 30k dollars of unsold merchandise. My parents bought that off of me, viewing it as a loan with the product as collateral. They wanted me to use the money to move in to a new apartment.
That was 4 years ago. I am still living with my parents. I spent the 30k to buy a new car, instead of getting an apartment. I proceeded to get into a major accident within weeks which insurance didn't pay for, since I was under the influence of oxycontin when it happened. So there went my car, and I still owe a considerable amount of money to the local VFW for smashing in to their garage door.
The Amway product is mostly gone - the foodstuff would have expired by now so my parents tried to use it as much as possible. The makeup was given away as gifts. Most of the body care stuff was too. There are a few boxes left and I'm supposed to use that before buying a comparable product at the store.
I am still living at home, making the same amount of money. No matter how hard I work I cannot save a dime. My parents are old, and I assume I'll be willed their house and money when they die. That's really the only way I see turning my fortunes around at this point.
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I think a coworker has asperger's or autism, and I'm not sure how to approach it.
He's a really smart guy but very reserved and quiet. Early on, I told him to come out of his shell and talk to people, and work would go a lot smoother. For context for what happened - we work on a production line for ketchup, and see glass and plastic bottles, boxes, and those little containers you get at restaurants.
So my coworker comes in to work one day and everything seems okay. Then he grabs 2 bottles of ketchup off the line, bangs em together so they break open, and starts pouring ketchup over his face. He then yells out
"If you wanna see Stone Cold [his actual name] drink another beer, gimme a hell yeah!"
Everybody just stared in horror, but he wasn't done. He started kicking the poo poo out of a bunch of boxes that were stored under the belt. Our supervisor came by at this point and pulled him away. He didn't get fired but I assume he was told to never do this again.
Then a few days later he shows up to work with a little blue tooth speaker. He starts playing Hulk Hogan's theme song (I am a real American...) and starts running around the place cupping his ear and pointing at people. He stopped when the bell sounded for the belt to start and never mentioned it again.
The last incident happened yesterday - we were on lunch break and I was eating a sandwich. He comes up to me and says "Is that pie you're eating there? What kind of pie. Is it poontang pie? THE ROCK SAYS IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS" and then walks off. He never said a word to me afterwards and I was too weirded out to approach him myself.
TL;DR - I think my coworker is autistic and uses pro wrestling to reach out to us. It's failing horribly.
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Sep 29, 2016 13:21
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
In my state it's legal to shoot dogs that don't have collars on. Some of these dogs are left over from running deer during hunting season and they just show up on your property, sometimes 2 or 3 at a time. Some of them are pretty domesticated; some aren't.
Well, I don't make a distinction. I just shoot them and throw them into the gator and drive them up to the edge of the bean field where the buzzards eat them. I've become so desensitized to killing them now that I don't even get upset when I see one show up. It might even come up to the door and scratch and wag its tail. Then I'll calmly walk into my den, pull out my 38, swing out the cylinder to make sure it's loaded and go out back, whistle them away from the door and shoot them in the head. I've done this probably 20-30 times now and it's weird, because at this point, I have a dog that I love, who is getting on in age. And I want my old dog to have a friend through the last years of her life. My wife and I talk about it in bed and she agrees, get a good dog she says.
So I go down to the shelter and look at the pitbull mixes and hounds, and wow, there's a lot of Akitas here. What struck me was how many of these dogs looked like the ones I've killed.
On an impulse, I plunked down three one hundred dollar bills, and I adopted a young blue-tick mix with a nice name, a girls name I like. I think after my visit to the shelter, seeing those dogs that just want a home, that maybe I wasn't wrong to kill them. Then it struck me as I was sharing fries at the A&W stand on the way home with my new dog that I couldn't be doing this if some other fellow did to my dog as I've done to others. It's legal what I've done. Thinking about it depressed me a bit.
That's when I decided to see my therapist to talk this over, the same therapist I see for my PTSD and now it's been a few weeks of talking. We've moved on to other topics, I mean, things other than me killing stray dogs.
Not long after the turn of August into September, eatlu in the evening, a strange dog appeared on the farm. No collar. I lured the dog to me with a piece of chicken from my grill. Seemed socialized, maybe a part black lab, part pit. Hard to say. So I decided... this time will be different. I take the dog and put him in a calf pen, with a big bowl of water and fed him. That night I let him out and he came right back in, tail wagging. My other two dogs were a little wary of him at first, but it seemed like we got ourselves a new team, but my wife won't allow it. She screams at me for letting a feral dog near our other dogs, citing poo poo like disease and parasites.
That afternoon I cut hay and then took the dog to the SPCA where the receptionist told me, quite rudely, not to bring them strays. There was an armed guard in the lobby with whom I exchanged harsh words with, he mocked me a bit, kept jumping into the conversation - he was a fat man with no manners, and no sense of self respect. I left there feeling pretty angry, like what good is this loving organization? That guard followed me out to my car, and it was just "gently caress you, fatass" and "no, gently caress you". Guess we're never going to be pals.
Then I headed to the other, "no kill" shelter, where they checked the dog for a chip, which it didn't have. Their vet looked the dog over - it had no major problems aside from ear mites and some dermatitis in the armpits. So I'm all set. I'll just leave the dog here... but they have no room. They call volunteers and no one can house this dog. I really took to this dog, and he took to me. I called the wife and she refused to let me keep him. So I drove back up home and drove right on up the bridle path to the bean field and shot that dog.
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In parts of germany there are sex clubs where you can have unprotected sex with women for money (AO clubs if you want to check them out). I have been going to them for over a year several times a month. That part isn't the confession though because who cares. My confession is I have never in my life been to a doctor to check for STDs and I have no intention of doing so. I am 99% sure I have had gonorrhea (or something similar - it hurts to piss, some discharge, sores in the general region) for a couple months, and I have been accused on discussion boards for these places of spreading HPV (girls talk to guys who try and figure out who the offenders are so they can whiteknight for the girls and try and get people like me banned) although I show no symptoms that I know of.
I never go to the same club more than once a month (usually I wait a few months before returning so nobody remembers me), but one club figured out who I was by checking cameras and having the girls pick me out. Sometimes they'll see something on my dick and I'll just say "oh I cut myself shaving this morning, don't worry about it". You may be wondering why I do this, and the answer is I get off on the idea of infecting people with something. I also consider it a form of a revenge and try to target girls that have clearly been working there for a long time rather than new girls, because I wouldn't be infected in the first place if they all practiced safe sex. It's not bulletproof logic, I know, but it works for me. I think I'd draw the line at HIV, but part of the reason I don't want to get tested is finding out I have something serious and be forced to stop.
pos my neg hooker provider
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Sep 29, 2016 20:36
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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I don't think that I'm a very good person on account that I am not a very good person. Mid 30s, unemployed, virgin, wank too much, sick mind, incurably loving stupid in all things and with an almost childlike demeanour mixed with virtually no personality. After being bullied most of my life I just assume that everyone hates me before really giving them a chance and if they do give me a compliment I just assume they are lying to be polite. Though life scares me I love the planet and everyone living on it I just wish sometimes I could run away and be a hermit in the hills.
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I have been married for 2 years to the absolute love of my life, and we dated for about a year and a half before our wedding date. On the day we married I promised to love, honor, and obey and I've kept that promise ever since. But I have been keeping a huge secret from her and I'm too pussy to tell her.
About 2 months in to dating, we made it "official" and became monogamous. Before then, I was seeing 2 other girls casually, and that includes having sex with them. She had a few other dates early in our relationship, but nothing serious and she didn't have sex outside of a serious monogamous relationship. We were open, honest, and had no problems at this point. I promised to end it with my casual dating partners and not pursue anyone else.
The thing is, it took me another 2 or 3 weeks to actually end it. My birthday was coming up, and casual girl #1 had promised me a big surprise. It was a threesome with a g2g friend of hers, and I couldn't turn that down. Plus, casual girl #2 was also my weed dealer, so I had to find another dealer before I ended it with her. We had sex 4 or 5 times in the next 3 weeks.
I was a huge piece of poo poo and realize that. I have since quit marijuana completely and would never so much as look at another woman in a sexual way. But I'm thinking this is just my burden to bear - my wife has no idea, there's no real negative side effects (no stds, these women are 100% out of my life now, and I would never do it again), and the burden of her knowing this might crush her or mess up our marriage.
Do I just chalk this up to young stupidity and keep it my secret?
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Sep 30, 2016 02:00
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
I saw that meme of Alex Jones goin "Trump going in to a nest of goblins, goblin vomit, catch him in bed with a goblin" and laughed pretty hard. Then I started listening to Alex Jones, originally just for laughs. But I'm starting to think maybe he's right about some stuff?
I have always thought 9/11 was an inside job - it would be too easy to plant explosives and detonate the building, and it didn't fall like a building hit by a plane would. Plus the guy who owned it make billions off the insurance? More like a payoff in my humble eyes.
So yeah, I listened to more from Alex Jones and started agreeing with about half of his stuff. I watched the videos of him infiltrating the Bohemian Grove and Google and they both chilled my bones - I'm terrified of secret societies now. I don't wanna tell anyone since they'll think I'm insane and believe ALL of his stuff.
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My cat brought a mangled, but alive, field mouse into my house the other day. Using a cardboard toilet paper tube I drowned it in my toilet, which still had a fresh morning leak in it (water ban). I watched it struggle before giving in to take a deep breath of my piss and dying.
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Sep 30, 2016 17:11
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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let me save u a google
https://vine.co/v/5zuxVVKrO5u
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Sep 30, 2016 17:11
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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The Alex Jones thread has some awesome poo poo in it btw, Alex Jones is an unintentionally hilarious person
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Sep 30, 2016 17:51
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
My wife and I have a net worth easily in the 7 figures and neither of us look like a goon since we are both in shape and attractive. But I love shitposting so I do it and have to be careful when money comes up. That's a pain in my rear end because I have a persona here that nobody would think is a rich dude lol
so my confession is lol not being a loving poor owns
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How weird is it to have a fetish where skinny hot attractive girls gain weight and get really fat. It's the only thing I wack off too. Where does this poo poo come from?
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Sep 30, 2016 20:15
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
My husband and I are in a really good relationship and absolutely adore each other. We married over the summer after living together for a few months, so this is our first fall season living together. Which is where the problem comes up.
My husband and I are both horror buffs and love the entire Halloween season, and we were excited to decorate the house for Halloween. The inside's already decorated, and we're going to start putting up the tombstones and spider webs and hanging ghosts outside in another week or two. We agreed on this together and were both excited. What we didn't agree on was my husband constantly scaring the poo poo out of me, sometimes multiple times a day.
After we decorated the house, he apparently got in the mood for spooking me. I was going to the bathroom and he was hiding in the shower behind the curtain. He hopped out and screamed, I jumped, and we both laughed it off. This was fine, but it's escalated since then.
He's bought a werewolf mask at out local dollar store, plus he already owned a Scream mask and a scarecrow mask from previous Halloweens. He's used all of these in the increasingly elaborate pranks, at one point decorating a sewing dummy to look like him (which scared me already since he rigged it on a rope to swing out when I opened a door) and then jumping out of the closet when I started yelling at "him" (the dummy) for scaring me.
I'm a bigger guy; almost 6 foot tall and around 275 lbs. I work as a landscaper and electrician so I'm kind of viewed as a man's man by my friends. In contrast, my husband is less than 5 and a half foot tall and maybe 120 lbs soaking wet. He's able to hide in closets, under the sink, behind the couch, behind doors, and even inside the refrigerator at one point. This has been going on for 3 weeks. At first I laughed, then I was annoyed, now I'm angry. I keep telling him to stop, he agrees, then he does it again and says he "couldn't resist". He's always very apologetic afterwards, and is otherwise completely amazing to me.
I realize how insanely stupid this is, hence the anonymous confession.
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I post on the E/N forum a lot, giving relationship advice since (prior to yesterday) I had been happily married for almost a decade. I was tempted to post a thread there, until I worried that maybe a bunch of people I *did* give advice to would suddenly think "Oh gently caress, this guy can't keep his life together, why did I listen?" and potentially gently caress up things that were working.
I left work early on Thursday to surprise my wife. No reason at all, just felt like coming home and spending a few extra hours with her. I'd been putting in some longer hours over the summer thanks to a few projects I was put on, and I wanted me wife to know she was still #1 in my life. I didn't text her or call, I wanted it to be a surprise.
When I pulled in to the driveway I had flowers in my front seat and plans to take her out for dinner, wine and dine her, and then end the night with some love-making. Since, admittedly my fault again, we've been having a bit less sex lately and I haven't really been open to her advances at times since I'm falling asleep almost as soon as I get home.
I felt weird when I pulled up to the house because there was another car there. I didn't recognize the car, so I thought maybe it was a repairman or maybe one of her friends had come over. I started panicking a bit since my wife has cheated on me in the past (once in college before we married, once while I was in Florida for several months caring for my dying mother, and once after I was in the hospital for a while after having diverticulitis and going through major surgery). We had gotten through those times and the last one was almost 2 years ago, so I thought we were past this. But I have always been a bit jealous, so I was paranoid.
To skip the really bad stuff which I'm not stilll comfortable with, my wife was cheating on me again. It was a guy who had, earlier in the summer, done some work remodeling our kitchen. I kicked him out, threw his poo poo out of the window, and demanded answers from my wife. She explained that this was the very first time they did it, and that she was missing me since I spent so much time at work. When we went to dinner that night she further apologized and said it would never happen again.
I was ready to forgive her until we got home. I was in the bathroom attached to our bedroom (my wife didn't know I was in there) and walked into our bedroom. My wife was naked, spread eagled, and taking photos of herself. At first I thought "Alright, I'm gonna get laid tonight and have some pics for later", but she got really nervous.
Then her phone started buzzing and I saw she was sending these pictures to another man. And not even the man I caught her with earlier in the day.
I kicked her out of the house. I took the day off work today and I'm throwing all of her poo poo in a series of garbage bags, which I'm going to leave in the driveway. I keep crying but I know it needs to be done.
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Oct 1, 2016 02:23
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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#2 goon, I'm glad you're severing, but honestly all I could think of was "fool me once, shame on you, fool me five times, what the gently caress"
Like, if you find your wife cheating on you for the fourth time total and you still take her out to a romantic dinner that night something is already kinda wrong. Like, cheating while you're off caring for your dying mother was some stone-cold poo poo and honestly even if the first time wasn't a "last straw" moment for whatever reason that one probably should have been.
Well, the moral of the story is if someone is willing to cheat on you once they'll probably keep doing it, take that to the E/N bank
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Oct 1, 2016 02:27
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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what is "the movement behind the ; symbol"
Pretentious people? Grammar nerds? Programmers?
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Oct 1, 2016 13:18
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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I'm not sure that living with a cat, who will wreck your furniture, poo poo in a sandbox you have to keep indoors, and puke on the carpet pretty much all the time, would actually be preferable to living with his wife, who presumably does one out of those three things at most
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Oct 1, 2016 18:04
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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cats wrecking your furniture is the #1 sign that you aren't capable of being a cat owner. a scratching post costs like $20. you'd pay more for all the pillows you'd have to replace after you get home and find out Buster the Dog tore up everything
the people who argue that dogs are better than cats are typically the people who will buy hundreds of lovely dog toys for their yard, but will buy literally nothing for a cat and then complain that it gets bored and starts knocking poo poo off their shelves.
also I'm not sure how having to search your yard for dogshit like a WW2 soldier would scan a minefield is any better than having a box that I can just dump in the trash and refill without thinking about it
My parents are literally the worst dog owners I've ever seen and I have never seen a dog of theirs damage something that did not belong to it. If your dog tears up everything, it is a stray you brought straight into your living room instead of shooting it in your yard as the law dictates. Meanwhile my father-in-law and his wife dote on their cats like babies and every couch cushion in their living room has at least one giant tear in it (also their carpet has many stains on it from years of cats puking for basically no reason)
also most people just walk their dogs and pooper-scoop, it's not hard
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Oct 1, 2016 19:21
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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10 times over four years still sounds like a lot to me
If a dog pukes it will most likely puke outside. That is also where it poops and pees, because it likes you and wants to make your job easier.
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Oct 1, 2016 19:30
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
I've always been kind of itchy around my balls since I was a kid. Thinking this was normal, I've done nothing to address it until lately because the itching has gotten it has gotten real bad. I'll wake up in the middle of the night scratching gouges into the side of my balls trying to get some relief.
I started googling around to see what the problem was and discovered that my entire life I've had a fungal infection around my junk. It's really embarrassing to find this out and now a week into over the counter treatment my symptoms aren't really going away. If anything, the OTC cream has made the flare ups worse. Like the fungi has developed sentience and is mad I'm trying to kill it.
It just itches constantly and I want it to stop. Any advice goons? I saw someone mention brown Listerine since that has an anti-fungal, but I honestly can't tell if that was just goons being goons.
quote:
I made the "man lost in catacombs" video years ago. It got a lot more attention then I wanted plus their is no way to really prove it was me besides the other footage I recorded at the time
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Oct 2, 2016 01:26
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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The question is, is that our old friend or an imitator?
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Oct 2, 2016 12:34
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
Nothing personal against black people but I'd rather not live where you congregate.
^^^ "I'm not racist but"
quote:
I apologize in advance for the rambling, goons. When I was young, I was used by a cousin (he was 10 years older than I). I didn't know I was being raped, I just thought I was helping him feel better. This broke me, obviously, and I haven't talked about it with a professional despite seeing one or another for over half my life.
In addition, I was never the most outgoing or sociable girl, and a combination of both those things plus bullying made me just shut down starting in middle school. I went from a smart, if reserved girl who was learning basic algebra in the fourth grade to getting cs and fs, failing out of the advanced classes they put me and causing the school to spend a ton of money testing me trying to figure out what had happened. All they found was I had a 2-3rd std dev above the norm iq and that apparently I had never been abused nor took drugs (of course, I lied because by then I had learned what it was and I was ashamed and afraid). All throughout middle and high school I was barely alive, just barely passing classes, failing some, and never interacting with anyone other than the adults I had to, such as my parents, the various teachers, counselors, and doctors I had, and classmates I had group projects with. I had no friends, I never went out and got experience with socializing, never had a boy or girl friend (though I was in the closet deeply due to bullying). All I did was the bare minimum, slept, read, and played video games. I built a massive wall between me and the world, and ever since I've been completely alone. I'm scared of other people, I don't trust anyone, and I've only ever been hurt during the times I optimistically thought that maybe I could trust someone and have a friend.
Somehow, I managed to graduate from college, and I have a very good engineering job, though I have only figured out how to fake a camaraderie with others (I've gotten very good at that), and I am still friendless. The only way I can get through the day and work is with opiates, benzos, alcohol, and cutting myself when the feelings grow to be too much to handle. I never learned how to make friends and how to be a friend, how to socialize with others and get close to people, how to deal with emotions. I've only ever once had someone to get close enough to me to scale that aforementioned wall, and to this day he is the only person I have ever loved, which hurts even worse due to the fact that our relationship was an affair on his part and he cut me out partly due to my social retardation hurting him. That man made me realize just how good it felt to have other people out there, and I really miss that feeling. Casual sex just doesn't quite fill the void. I guess what this giant wall is saying is I honestly don't know where my life is headed (I'm too scared of death to commit suicide, just to get that out of the way), and while I'm not struggling to make ends meet, I'm not exactly flush enough with cash to buy enough pills on the darknet to make me forget the loneliness for a time when the tolerance ramps up high enough. One of my biggest fears is the current marketplace shutting down, since I can't get close enough to people to know who sells stuff on the street, though the Major East Coast City I live near undoubtedly has plenty  .
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Oct 3, 2016 01:33
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
I'm also really turned on by the idea of thin women getting fat. I guess because the people I see that gain a huge amount of weight were already pretty fat to begin with, so a sexy thin woman getting really fat is exciting to me. I'll trawl the internet, looking for the Holy Grail of weight gain, an anorexic woman under a hundred pounds that gains so much weight she eventually tops out at over 300 lbs, particularly if it was in a very short timeframe like under a year.
I know a lot of the weight gain photos are just weight loss photos in reverse, and this isn't as satisfying to me. I'm also particular in that I really want the woman to start out being very thin as opposed to simply going fat-fatter.
Same person who posted the one about having been molested before:
quote:
Yeah, the watermelon person is right. I'm ashamed of it. I feel like a horrible person for it, even though logically it wasn't my fault. I was diagnosed with borderline, too, and that therapy I don't like at all. I'm just generally a broken person, and I genuinely don't think I can be helped. Meds don't work, therapy doesn't work, and the fact that I have no support structure whatsoever doesn't help matters either.
Like I implied in my first post, making friends is an impossible for me, and the few times one of the few acquaintances or casual friends I do have got closer to me and became what might be considered a 'close friend' they realized their error eventually. Every single time, they either cut off contact abruptly and blocked me completely or just started ignoring me because they could finally sense I'm too broken to have friends. As a result, I no longer look for friendships because I don't know if I could take that horrible trauma again. Having someone you thought you could finally trust, open up to, and let in block you everywhere and say that they are done with you because "you are just a manipulative person, and don't want to get better" is a horrible horrible pain. Being accused of stuff like that hurts like a bitch, especially since I would never do that to people, and would never want to.
Of course, I guess they're right, I can't help but feel that I am a horrible attention seeking person and I don't deserve happiness and avoiding loneliness. It's probably what I deserve for letting that stuff happen to me when I was little. I'm also obsessed with the pain too, since not a day goes by where I don't think about my ex friends (and bf). I still miss them a ton and its been over a year at this point. I don't care about getting hurt as long as I can be around people I feel safe around as much as possible. Similarly, I also still deeply love my former boyfriend, and would gladly take abuse just to be around him again.
Again, sorry for the wall, and how disjointed it is; I'm tired, and I don't want to go to work in the morning...
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Oct 3, 2016 13:21
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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Not posted this time: someone getting really creepy about sexual-abuse confessions; someone with poor English skills going into way too much detail about their poo poo-fetish porn
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Oct 3, 2016 13:22
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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Bit of a dry spell lately, but we've got a live one here
quote:
I broke up with my ex around a year ago, after 2+ years of dating. It was a pretty amiable split as far as these things go. She moved out of the house (I owned it before we dated) back to her parents and took all her stuff with her. We knew we would still run into each other on occasion, and were okay with that. We also both moved on and started dating other people after a few months. All seemed well, until about 2 months ago:
I came home one day and things were slightly askew in my house. I'm a bit of a neat freak so I knew things weren't where I put them when I left. Upon closer inspection, there was a pair of socks stuffed under the couch. I was ready to call the police and then remembered - my ex probably still had a key to the house. I emailed her, requesting that she mail the key to me. She denied being in the house, but when I pushed the issue further she admitted she stopped by to "take a break after work" and was sorry. I didn't care and just wanted the key back.
A few days later a letter came from her. It was perfectly sealed and had obviously NOT been opened by the post office. There was nothing in it, no key. I emailed again, explaining she must have forgot the key. She sent an angry email within minutes, telling me that obviously the mailman took the key out. I said "Okay, well I'll change the locks to be safe then". She then admitted she had kept the key. I changed the locks.
My brother then ran into her a few days later at the gym. She told him that I was being an rear end in a top hat and that she thought I was doing drugs again (I had a drug issue back in high school but took care of the problem years ago, and have been stone cold sober since my early 20s). He called her out on the bullshit and told her to stay out of both our lives. When he left the gym and got out to his car, there was a note written in lipstick stuck under his windshield wiper that said "Sorry, I just worry. I thought we were like family and want to be in your lives."
My brother went to the police and filed a restraining order, since he was pretty freaked out about the whole thing. I followed suit and I also made sure to block her on all possible fronts - email, all social media, her cell #, etc.
I was watching the news last night and there was a report of a major car accident. The driver wasn't killed, but was seriously injured and was in critical condition. It was my ex. She somehow ended up driving the wrong way on a major highway at night and was plowed into by a van going the other way. Nobody in the van was killed, but 2 kids in the back seat had some broken ribs and were shaken up.
Am I wrong to think she did this as some bizarre way to try and get back in my life? I have no intention of going to the hospital to see her, since she's proven she's a danger to myself and my family. But do I need to worry about this escalation further, possibly to attacks on myself or my family?
Alternate theory: your ex is being targeted by the Origami Killer
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Oct 4, 2016 20:22
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
recently my gf of 18 or so months broke up with me because i'd been focusing too much on 'work' and bringing my 'work' home with me.
i pretty much lied entirely to her about what i actually do at work, to the point where she just knows i 'work with computers' and thats pretty much that. i haven't actually been employed for a year but my work has consisted of chatting with goons.
i changed the background of the chat client to black and the text to green and have been steadily 'programming' new stuff on the computer, or something. but in actuality i just talk to goons about like star trek, sourdough bread, and have debates over whether or not our new halloween themed chat names are 'spooky' enough
i dont know, she acted like she was superior in this but i pretty much got her to support me for the last year while i hung out shitposting and stuff.
i stopped having sex with her awhile back but pretty much the last time we banged i managed to knock her up, too lmao. she asked for money for the abortion but even if i had it to give her i wouldnt. her vagina is broken as gently caress and a childbirth probably would have killed her so i dont really see that this was going to be my problem no matter what.
she was a pretty good cook and would do literally anything i asked so i think i will miss that about her, but those qualities are actually easier to find than you'd think. at least the second one. i guess being a good cook isn't terribly common.
thanks for listening i actually feel better now
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Oct 5, 2016 03:50
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
Recently I've started a new job as a biological analyst at a major company and during my second week I acidentally sneezed on a sample and managed to block thousands of euro's in goods. I haven't told anyone and they were all searching for the mysterious cause of this infection. I have been on a rollercoaster split between guilt and not giving a gently caress.
I also am under a lot of pressure here because of the workload and i'm worried i'm gonna work myself to stim abuse or alcoholism if I keep this up but I don't know how to stop working this hard and take it easy.
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I'm considering getting a sex change so I stream on twotch and make money.
Actually I suppose I could just dress as a girl and put on make up and a wig.
Either way I want pathetic people to give me cash
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Oct 5, 2016 19:05
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
Pick had quoted a bunch of sob stories of women married to Aspies. I might be one of those Aspie husbands. A lot of the complaints the writers had about their husbands definitely lined up with complaints my own wife had about me (not intimate enough, have to spell everything out, unsupportive, etc). While I've never officially been diagnosed as being on the Autism spectrum, there was definitely an uncanny similarity in behavior.
For me I guess there's just a general apathy toward a lot of things that are important to my wife. I dedicate my life to doing as little boring work as possible. Because I'm an adult, which means I get to define what that means to me. And reading those stories has been particularly reassuring knowing that I really don't have to change who I am.
I'm confident the longer we stay married the less likely my wife will give up and leave me. She's certainly threatened to divorce me in the past but always relented. Really it seems like she takes it upon herself to make her own life as stressfull and difficult as possible. Why stress about saving up to buy a house, getting ready to have kids, plan events, move up the corporate ladder? Our lives are so stable and idyllic now that all that other stuff just feels utterly pointless and redundant. It is just more stress and drama, to turn around and justify it solely by all the 'sacrifices' put into it. As opposed to just being happy and content with what we have.
My job is very easy, and I'd much rather spend an extra hour of work to pay for a ton of mundane tasks that are pointless for me to do myself. I see a lot of neurotypical people running around acting like they got the Sword of Damocles hanging over their head instead of bending their efforts toward making their life as stress free and easy as possible.
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Oct 6, 2016 00:43
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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The Pickpost in question was in the r/relationships thread btw
and most Asperger's self-diagnoses are wrong, but you did make an XKCD reference in the middle of your confession for no particular reason so maybe you're on to something
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Oct 6, 2016 00:44
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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Two from the girl who was abused:
quote:
This might be the last anony reply I'll do. I don't want to just go back and forth on how worthless I am. Basically, I've given up on having friends hips and other relationships. Even if I could open up enough to someone (which would involve a whole new 'new therapist' dance since I moved recently) I don't know what good it would do me.
I really don't see how it would suddenly make me inherently trust people and get close to them. Hell, without a support structure therapy is pointless anyways, and its got me in a catch 22. People think that since I was abused, I don't deserve the luxury of friendship and need therapy in order to be considered worthy, but at the same time I need friends to have the required support structure for therapy.
It's not like I chose what happened to me, but I hate that as a result people (ESPECIALLY people I love and actually trusted for the first time in my life) actively hate me and avoid me. So, like I said, I've given up. I don't see a point to going in to get 'therapy' or changing my meds yet again (I've pretty much gone through the entire ssri/snri/antipsychotic catalog), so I'll just continue pining after my old friends and (especially) boyfriend, as that's the closest i'll get. I don't have much hope for my life beyond using opiates to feel good. I hate being alone, but since no body wants to deal with me or get close to me, I don't really have a choice. :/
quote:
Quote from loq:You have a right to be hurt and angry about what happened to you, but you also have the right to let yourself work through it and get past it. You have to let yourself start that journey.
I've been working with a therapist for years and that process, on top of costing thousands, has moved me from a suicidal depression wallowing in guilt to being fully convicted that the only thing that will give me release from the hate I have for my rapist is brutally murdering him and being informed that is completely unacceptable leaves me feeling just as isolated as before.
Not to denigrate therapy, of course.
(note: that quote wasn't actually from me, it was from cmndstab)
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Oct 6, 2016 15:42
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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Honestly I'm seeing a lot of thought patterns in your posts that therapy is supposed to be able to help with. I'd absolutely recommend keeping up with it, and if you don't think your past experiences have been effective, maybe find a new therapist. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) works wonders with the kind of self-sabotaging thoughts you seem to be exhibiting; see if you can find someone who specializes in it.
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Oct 6, 2016 15:44
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 28, 2024 01:59
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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my dog pukes on the tile where its easy to eat
he's cleaning up after himself like a good citizen, because that's what dogs do
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Oct 6, 2016 15:58
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Sep 28, 2016 15:40
If and when my wife and I can finally get a pet, we're gonna look into hypoallergenic cat breeds so I can live with one without clawing my eyes out, and theoretically get a puppy and kitten at the same time so that they grow up together and are bros.
