Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

quote:

In parts of germany there are sex clubs where you can have unprotected sex with women for money

quote:

I wouldn't be infected in the first place if they all practiced safe sex

Nice logic you got there rotten dick goon

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 00:10

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# ¿ May 6, 2024 13:27

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

Are the lyrics Medieval Latin originally or is it worse than I think

# ¿ Oct 9, 2016 15:32

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

Meatgrinder posted:

I'm prefacing this by saying I'm serious and I know, from my education and professional experience, what I'm talking about : chances are you have ASD. Your behaviour could also be consistent with emotional dysfunction due to sudden trauma, but considering you've had therapy and you come across level headed and happy (and for the reasons listed below), I'd have to go with autism. If you're curious about this yourself you can have yourself tested by a team of professionals to see what's what, but considering you're ok with your own life, I'd just go with the flow. On the other hand, you do seem to have some questions, you did send in a confession after all, so having a diagnosis and getting more information on why you feel how you feel and think the way you think might provide the answers you need.

The reasons I think you have ASD are that, in my work, adults who've never received any specific support for ASD as a child exhibit, to the point of it being almost a clich�, the desire to be 'alone on an island' in order to be truly happy. The way you describe your relationships also really fits the bill, and the way you are content because you have control over your life, that you can decide which social functions suit your needs and which do not, are also very much in favour of my hypothesis. I am, however, not a diagnostician and as a rule, I keep my suspicions to myself when and wherever I see the signs - because if you work in the field, you start seeing the signs pretty much everywhere - however, your description was really striking and I just wanted to say: there's very probably nothing wrong with you, it's just the way your brain works, enjoy your life.

a goon

with autism

now i've heard everything

# ¿ Oct 16, 2016 11:33

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

quote:

this is really going to be like a bunch of confessions in one, but I'll start with an incident which happened last night since it's what spurred me into writing this all out.

I was driving around pretty late last night, sort of aimlessly and found myself in the parking lot of the el super when a mexican guy jumps out in front of my vehicle. I was traveling about five to ten miles per hour and hit him directly, but it was 100% avoidable and as I said he basically jumped out in front of the truck. he's laying on the ground, rolling back and forth and groaning in pain, but when I stopped the truck and got out he basically jumped straight up as soon as I approached him and saying in spanglish that he was going to sue me and this and that. at this point I directed his attention to the dash cam on a suction cup on the windshield of my truck and called him a loving idiot and told him that I was calling the police.

he tried for a brief moment to convince me not to call the cops, that they would arrest me for running him over, that he would be doing me a favor if I gave him whatever cash I had on me so he could let me go, etc. but I shut that poo poo down really quick, explaining that I have him on video and that even though I'm hispanic, I'm white and I speak English so after the cops came he would basically be hosed.

so now the guy realized he messed up and is begging me not to call the cops, and tells me that now HE will give ME five dollars (or maybe ten, I don't remember) if I just leave. I was not having the best day and this guy was starting to piss me off, so I tell him half-jokingly that if he gives me
all the money in his wallet that I'll let him go. the guy says no, that the money in his wallet is all the money he has in the whole world and he can't give all of it to me but he can settle for twenty bucks and I'm thinking about how behind I am on the rent that's due next thursday (I'm a recovering heroin addict btw and super behind on bills due to loans and etc. I took out while I was strung out last year) and this is when the lightbulb popped up over my head.

at this point i pulled out the smith and wesson model 36 chief's special that I had lodged in between the center console and driver's seat of my truck, pointed it at the paisa dude and said for him to give me all of his money anyway, which he promptly did, plus his phone too and his hat (I didn't want either but I'm kind of a dick). I made a little less than $250 off of him. I don't feel bad at all and furthermore I think he kind of deserved it for trying to scam me; it's not like I'm made of money and i work hard all day and am really struggling with sobriety and am still a couple hundred bucks more short on the rent. that's not why I did it,
though.

I guess the confession that I'm trying to make here is that I really really love pointing my gun at people. I've carried the snubby every single day for the last three or four years that I've had it and I must have pointed it at like two dozen or so people. it feels really good to hold in my hand/hands; I have a few guns but this one's my favorite and the only one I've threatened anyone with. it's blued steel with dark, walnut grips and a black Tyler t-grip extension. there are many like it, but this one is mine.

after a stunt I pulled last year I'm a lot more confident/brazen and I don't think I'll ever get caught and I hope
I never will so I can keep pointing my gun at people. as I said I'm a recovering addict, but THIS is my favorite high in the whole world; it's seriously such a loving rush, it's loving incredible.

but anyway yeah last year I was really loving dopesick and desperate so I held up a local bank branch and made $11,000. the snubby is what i pointed at the teller since i decided it's good luck now but I also had a .22 pistol with a super duper extended magazine stuffed in my jacket in case of a shootout with police; I heard Israel Keyes did this when he robbed banks and he's kind of my idol. I mean, I don't condone violence against women in any way AT ALL but I really look up to the methodical approach he took to his crimes, especially the robberies. anyway I'm not into hurting people and i actually haven't robbed any other banks since then although I have robbed a poo poo load of liquor stores in three different states.

but yeah, I was really glad to run into that guy last night since it's kind of been a while since I got my "fix." a few months ago this girl I was seeing had a job delivering drugs to the end-users for this guy whose father-in-law was hooked up with the cartel. every few weeks she'd take me along to try and collect from everybody who owed since she knew how much I loved pointing my gun at people, and the boss was happy too since he didn't pay her to collect from those people anyway so it was like a win-win for both of us.

tl;dr: i'm addicted to sticking my .38 special snub nose pistol in people's faces and watching them get hella scared and panic and give me all their money

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bk46mMEQrbw

# ¿ Nov 2, 2016 15:51

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

cockpocket

# ¿ Nov 15, 2016 04:14

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

quote:

My anonymous confession is that I am in love. With a mostly fictional character. I am completely in love with a Finnish musician who I have never met, never spoke to and know nothing about. I have incredibly vivid dreams about him every night. Some are sex dreams, sure, but most of them are mundane, e.g. we are eating in a restaurant, we are walking along a street, we talk a lot in my dreams. I know noting about this man, I don't know how old he is, I don't know if he's a nice man, if he's famous, nothing. BUT I HAVE TO MEET HIM. I have to get this man out of my head. I have been trying to learn Finnish (I am American) and I plan to go to Finland this summer and find him. For the record, I am a 42 year old woman. I am a professional graphic designer, I'm not a man crazy weirdo. I know this is stupid. But all my dreams are about him. I know what he smells like. I know what his laugh sounds like. I hope he is a total creep so I can stop thinking about him and get on with my life. Thanks for listening GBS.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHReqKRvonE

# ¿ Jan 9, 2017 19:04

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

Cleanliness is next to godliness so if you poo poo on your floor you're a demon

# ¿ Jan 10, 2017 16:26

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

Thanks vague second confession for making me IMDB a movie nobody gives a gently caress about

# ¿ Jan 15, 2017 15:50

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

Has photographer guy never heard of Tinder

# ¿ Jan 19, 2017 16:57

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

whiter than a Wilco show posted:

Stable poly

Ahahahhaahahhahhshshhshshshhshhahahahhahahahahahhahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahaha

# ¿ Jan 27, 2017 12:58

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

Maybe just say 'Don't let the demon have my body' instead of killing yourself like a dumb pissbitch

# ¿ Jan 27, 2017 14:53

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

Newsgoon couldn't the recurrence of certain language just as easily be attributed to the fact that all of those articles were edited by the same person/people?

# ¿ Jan 28, 2017 13:42

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

ughhhh can't decide about second one, it sounds kinda bullshit like babytalk leading to criminal charges but also goony stuff like hating vegetables? Vigilante goon please link me to your rp server it sounds cool

# ¿ Jan 28, 2017 15:51

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

So the white house fesser gets to sit in on important meetings and has constant contact with Trump yet still has to wash the sheets? Bullshit

edit: I just want some decent interesting confessions is that so much to ask

# ¿ Feb 5, 2017 01:12

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

Hasn't that podcast one been posted before only it was a youtube channel instead?

# ¿ Mar 15, 2017 16:46

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

I'm dating a really great guy who buys katanas from Renaissance fairs

# ¿ Mar 17, 2017 18:55

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

Vampire fesh - I used to live about a mile from Bramshott which is where Boris Karloff lived in a coffin shaped house so there's still a lot more you can do to piss off your wife

# ¿ Mar 26, 2017 00:11

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

Why target lonely divorcees when you can hit up the 16-25 demographic for all their sweet sweet allowance disposable income

# ¿ Apr 13, 2017 09:17

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

Read in the greater context of the confession I don't think we should assume 'some whore' means she actually was a prostitute.

# ¿ Apr 23, 2017 14:57

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

quote:

My gf and I have been together for a few months. Initially she lied to me about a guy who she had been messaging quite a lot.

Obviously it isn't good that she lied. However, I thought she wasn't cheating on me (at least not physically). She doesn't have a ton of friends and I feel like that is the reason she can't stop talking to him, even though I asked her to. She told me she would rather have our relationship that be friends with him still.

anyways. to spare the details. All this came to a head last night when my GF came home. I was in bed and had been for some time. She came stumbling in with a duck tucked beneath her arm. She burst in to our bedroom and said "this is the pig I've been loving." and I said for petes sakes thats not a pig thats a duck! and she said "shut the gently caress up I was talking to the duck."

antyyhways things have been tense sense then. Not sure how to proceed.

It's like a lovely Norm Macdonald joke

# ¿ Jun 7, 2017 19:00

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

What is it with goons and throwing things off hills

# ¿ Jun 11, 2017 17:58

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

quote:

My main issue right now, though, is that I'm starting to feel a pang of guilt in the back of my head for my actions that resulted in my dad, a man who raised me from age 5, being in custody, and possibly having his life ruined because of a stupid thing that he did. And at his age, it's going to be a lot harder for him to recover because he's mostly relied on my mother or I to help him with stuff like job hunting, bills, and the like.

So you're feeling guilty because an abusive deadbeat rear end in a top hat is losing access to his victims? gently caress that

# ¿ Jul 5, 2017 12:56

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

I guess the Amish murder fantasist lives in a city if they think they can get a horse stuck under their bumper, just makes the whole thing weirder though.

# ¿ Sep 14, 2017 20:07

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

loquacius posted:

Yeah my conclusion on this one was that if it's real they won't listen to anything I have to say, I just pointed out the thing about how the car is totally normal because I knew somebody else would anyway

These fake confessions always trip up over the most basic details, no one is that ignorant of the concept of 'driving to work'

# ¿ Sep 29, 2017 10:51

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

Now I'm worrying if being kidnapped and forced to have sex with a dog/pig is a real thing :ohdear:

# ¿ Oct 19, 2017 11:06

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

2019 what are you George Costanza? There's no way your relationship will last that long at this rate

# ¿ Oct 21, 2017 17:01

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

Thank you anon for this exciting opportunity to ask you about your threesome

# ¿ Oct 29, 2017 14:14

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

Serial killer fan come join us

# ¿ Nov 2, 2017 22:19

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

Sagebrush posted:

Narcissist goon: just remember that all of your senses of self-superiority are, by your own recognition, caused by a mental disorder. You're nowhere near as smart as you think you are. You think that Google would love to hire you? I went to grad school with a guy who barely passed any of his classes, never showed any creative or interesting research, and only graduated because our lab supervisors pulled all of us more competent students together and said "look, every one of you needs to take a chapter of x's thesis and rewrite it into proper English, or he's never going to get out of here." That guy was hired by Google.

On the whole you're just as average as everyone else, except lacking the usual sense of self-awareness.

They wrote a confession about being a narcissist but only managed to spell it right once, maybe they really are Google material!

# ¿ Nov 20, 2017 18:36

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

quote:

It was a nice little movie style speech, coldly delivered.

dig me a grave in the woods i cringed myself to death

# ¿ Nov 25, 2017 17:15

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

loquacius posted:

I'm not really sure someone with the mind of a 7-year-old would be capable of doing that last part but I guess I don't know many 7-year-olds

The important thing is that they were justified in beating up a disabled person.

# ¿ Dec 4, 2017 18:51

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

My friend has a knuckle scar from punching a dude in the dick

# ¿ Dec 9, 2017 14:14

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

How magnanimous of you not to hit the man whose wife you are lusting after, what a stand up guy

# ¿ Dec 14, 2017 16:19

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

'yay a switch' said the confused 49 year old

# ¿ Dec 29, 2017 19:40

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

For my jury service I got a paedophile trial, guy had been sexually abusing his girlfriend's daughter for ~8 years. He'd drilled a hole in the ceiling of his garage so he could run a camera up into the room above to watch the girl and her friends - especially when they were wearing short skirts. The footage we had to watch has probably affected me more than any of the beheadings/road accidents/serial killer videos SA has exposed me to over the years, even though they were fully clothed just the thought of someone going to those lengths to get it and for those purposes...ugh. Jailed that fucker and you probably should too, sorry bro :smith:

# ¿ Jan 2, 2018 01:23

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

Even if people haven't read Gay Talese's piece it's been made into a Netflix show for some reason

# ¿ Jan 13, 2018 13:51

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

if i was married to someone who was impressed by porn bullshit like rear end to mouth i'd probably kill myself so what i'm saying is have fun on your travels

# ¿ Jan 15, 2018 01:22

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

Solice Kirsk posted:

Maybe it's just so common of a problem that two totally separate people had the same issue and described it the same way.

heck whose open relationship hasn't ended in knife violence

# ¿ Jan 16, 2018 22:31

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

magic cummies for her gummies

# ¿ Jan 29, 2018 21:23

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# ¿ May 6, 2024 13:27

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

Gun fesh was actually a pretty great argument for gun control - no guns = no more people like this

# ¿ Feb 23, 2018 20:06

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