|
Improbable Lobster posted:If you spank your kid enough you can make their intelligence stat hit 0 and then roll over to 255. Yep, it's known as a "hard reset" and advocated by extreme parenting groups.
|
#
¿
May 2, 2017 15:32
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ May 3, 2024 10:18 |
|
|
OhAreThey posted:Mummification goon: you could probably also find a kinky friend on FetLife to help you do this for free. No sex involved, so presumably your wife wouldn't care. "Hey wife! I'm gonna go to this person's house and have them wrap me in plastic. What? Naw, it's cool. I met them on the internet!"
|
|
#
¿
May 10, 2017 16:30
|
|
|
Nocheez posted:I can't imagine how sad and pathetic your life must be to be afraid of everyone who isn't exactly like you. I travel a lot for work, and I get to see all kinds of diverse places in the US. Some of these places are crappy and the people sucks (Waco comes to mind) but some are amazingly beautiful (Alaska). Are the people bad in Waco, or is it just a crappy town? That one HGTV show is based out of Waco, and those folks seem genuinely nice.
|
|
#
¿
May 19, 2017 14:00
|
|
|
bell jar posted:Poor anon didn't get to live out his fantasy of murder the brother, gently caress the grateful wife holy poo poo
|
|
#
¿
Sep 12, 2018 03:35
|
|
|
alpaca diseases posted:cut out the fake plastic middleman and just use your homies rear end next time imo sexventure goon "bro, I broke my dick and/or rear end while screwing a heavy sex toy. Do me a solid and go clean it up before my wife gets home?" "Yeah bro! No problem. Uh, you got some gloves there right?"
|
|
#
¿
Sep 13, 2018 04:06
|
|
|
Elephant Parade posted:
Wait, are there places where people trade creep shots online? If so, that's fascinating. I mean gross, but fascinating. It's like trading card games.
|
|
#
¿
Sep 13, 2018 22:00
|
|
If he said he was finding this stuff on regular porn sites, I'd be agreeing with the naysayers. But he left it ambiguous, so there's a high chance he's looking at real creepshots
|
My cat only goes outdoors for a short time everyday. One time, a blue jay crashed into my bay window and broke its neck. While it flopped around on the ground, I was trying to figure out how to help it. My cat came over, jumped on top of it and ripped its head off Ozzy style.
|
|
#
¿
Sep 27, 2018 03:54
|
|
|
Anonymous Confessions: Please consult trusted physicians before talking about cats for the next 4 pages
|
|
#
¿
Sep 27, 2018 16:41
|
|
|
Hey OP, are there any good confessions so that everyone stops talking about kitty murder?
|
|
#
¿
Sep 27, 2018 21:28
|
|
|
loquacius posted:I just posted some earlier, nobody wants to talk about virgoons or E/N I guess Speaking as someone who didn't meet their father until age 16, I can say that he'll still have a tremendous positive effect on his child. You can't make up for lost time, but you can still be a part of their life.
|
|
#
¿
Sep 27, 2018 21:40
|
|
|
Son of Man posted:one time a blue jay crashed into my picture window and knocked himself out. my border collie was sitting on the deck right next to it and I thought that would be the end of that bird. the dog walked over to the bird, picked it up with a soft mouth, and set it back down in the sun. the dog went back into the shade. she sat down and watched the bird wake up and fly away. aww 
|
|
#
¿
Sep 29, 2018 20:28
|
|
|
MarcusSA posted:Why not just go into like Macys Nordrtoms Old Navy ect and buy whatever the gently caress they are dressing their mannequins in? Like they normally do a pretty good job dressing them so just buy that out fit till you figure out what works. Also, I think some JC Pennys(the few that are left) have hair salons right in the drat store.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 9, 2018 17:14
|
|
|
Anne Whateley posted:or she realized she was alone with a rapist and his friend who dgaf, and if she made a scene it could rapidly get even worse Good point.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 9, 2018 18:00
|
|
|
Married goon and fatwife goon need to go bowling together. If anything, just to get them out of their situations for a bit.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 10, 2018 21:10
|
|
|
therattle posted:“Are you having an affair?” Fat wife goon needs to cheat on her asap. Unless that would hurt his chances at child custody later on. Then, don't do that!
|
|
#
¿
Oct 15, 2018 21:36
|
|
|
At this burn rate, office romance goon will be living out of his car by the end of the month.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 18, 2018 21:05
|
|
|
Modus Pwnens posted:Hell yeah, why even bother if you're not even going to feel it? Bets on he goes raw dog in the office girl, and he ends up giving his wife vd.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 18, 2018 21:41
|
|
|
Honestly, I think living at some remote island in Norway and working some menial job to get by just so I could play Gran Tourismo from 13 years ago sounds pretty cool. It would be like My Summer Car, but more chill and good.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 19, 2018 16:18
|
|
|
Hot coworker goon needs to seal the deal. It's only a matter of time until she starts texting pictures of your o face to your wife while you're asleep on top of her. May as well get some young strange out of the experience.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 22, 2018 16:59
|
|
|
RFC2324 posted:hell, if he comes clean before he gets the strange, he can theoretically save the marriage. I don't know. He seems like he's pretty invested in this fling he's trying to have. I guess if he came clean, his wife would be the one to determine whether or not they try to fix things. Honestly, I'm gonna be pissed if he kisses hot coworker a few times, and then goes into couples therapy to save his ailing marriage.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 22, 2018 18:15
|
|
|
Shiki Dan posted:Seems like a lot of goons missed the buried lede in the other post where he casually mentions that hot co-worker has multiple DUIs like that ain't no thing. Yeah, that was why he was driving her around. I'll bet he glossed over that little bit because he's thinking with the small brain rn. Also, how is his wife cool with him driving his hot and young and alcoholic coworker everywhere?
|
|
#
¿
Oct 22, 2018 19:58
|
|
|
jobson groeth posted:I believe in something. That there is nothing good in this world and if it appears that way it is a lie. I believe in this with all my heart. 
|
|
#
¿
Oct 22, 2018 21:08
|
|
|
soy posted:I've been following anon confessions for years now and pretty much every sexual/cheating/relationship post is like this like drat, how basic is your sex life? wow Sober missionary sex: fake Illuminati Space Force: Real as gently caress
|
|
#
¿
Oct 23, 2018 00:20
|
|
|
Atlas Hugged posted:I know a lot of real dumb people and this confession may not be true but it absolutely could be.  lots of stupid and boring people having illicit sex. Unless fessor is a novelist, he won't be able to capture the essence of awkward sex with a coworker who's almost young enough to be his daughter.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 23, 2018 15:11
|
|
|
OutOfPrint posted:Hypothesis: ghosts don't show themselves because they're just as afraid of the living as they are to the living. If I saw a hot girl ghost, I'd deffo creep out on it until it left....or escalated things.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 24, 2018 22:25
|
|
|
Azza Bamboo posted:Do ghosts even have sex parts if their legs are just fused into a wispy thing? Y E S G E T I N S I D E T H I S V A G N O W
|
|
#
¿
Oct 25, 2018 05:30
|
|
|
alpaca diseases posted:OfficeGoon- your wife knows and she’s probably making arrangements to leave right now, which may or may not involve loving you over I doubt she's as oblivious as the guy claims.
|
|
#
¿
Nov 2, 2018 02:59
|
|
|
Holy poo poo, right in the veins!
|
|
#
¿
Nov 2, 2018 13:12
|
|
|
Solice Kirsk posted:I'm not letting one weird experience ruin pretty older cops for me. I think dating a cop would be good for me if she isn't crazy. I could hang out with all the cop wives and go to cop dinners and then go through a tumultuous divorce when she inevitable sleeps with her partner after a heated argument. I'll be conflicted because his wife and I had gotten really close and now we find more and more solace in each other's company until she inevitably falls for me and leaves him. I wonder if all cops are crazy, just like all therapists and nurses are crazy? At any rate, stay safe 
|
|
#
¿
Nov 3, 2018 02:37
|
|
|
Sagebrush posted:
Another goon said it, but the best cops are the ones that just treat it like an average job. The worst ones are those who think that they're the only thing standing between polite society and hordes of rabid bad guys*. That's where you get all the Punisher stickers and "thin blue line" bullshit. *people of color
|
|
#
¿
Nov 5, 2018 01:07
|
|
hmmmmmmmmmmmm it's almost as though police work attracts the kind of person who likes to stalk people and threaten them with violence and make their word the law
|
Leviathan Song posted:I lost 160 pounds over about a 10 year period. Most people who bring food in are totally cool with the I'm dieting answer. Other people have this passive aggressive thing where they imply that I am insulting them by not eating things. gently caress those people. Confessor has every right to be angry with people who insist that you eat food you don't want. It already takes willpower not to eat food that's just sitting there. Some people will start an actual argument over a polite refusal of food and they are usually lovely people in general. That's exactly what my wife is suffering through. Her workplace has a quarterly "hot dog social", which is just a giant pile of hot dogs and everyone is compelled to bring in a different topping for it. Naturally, the event is a compulsory thing that everyone has to attend. Other people there, including a guy who just had a bypass surgery that was so involved they had to take veins out of his upper arm to keep his heart working, don't really want to eat hot dogs. In spite of suggestions for healthier foods for the social, they argue that the hot dogs are some long time company tradition. I keep telling her she should sue for workplace harassment.
|
|
#
¿
Nov 5, 2018 17:25
|
|
|
burial posted:I thought it was a (european?) cucumber and could have sworn it was because the dude didn’t want vegetables in his house rather than because she wouldn’t eat meat. IIRC, there was a guy who grabbed his gf by the back of the head and tried to force feed her chicken, and the other one who thought that sodomy was the best defense against veggies. That thread is a wild ride.
|
|
#
¿
Nov 6, 2018 15:46
|
|
|
LingcodKilla posted:Uh... veggies are cool. If I was dating someone who refused to have them in their house that would be a gigantic red flag for being an idiot baby. Not only that, but there's a notable amount of guys who also don't bathe regularly and also lay around the house and play video games while their SO takes care of everything, sometimes including child rearing.
|
|
#
¿
Nov 6, 2018 19:05
|
|
|
HoAssHo posted:I just happened to re-read it a couple days ago so it's real fresh in my mind (don't make me go find it) and he was such a picky eater that he wouldn't even allow vegetables (or anything other than the like 3 things he ate) in his home, so his girlfriend would have to cook for herself while he was out and then hide all evidence of having cooked and then make another rear end in a top hat-approved meal for them later. Yeah, I think those get brought up in the r/relationships thread a lot. That, and Pete and berth el pup. Did those stories ever get linked in the op post?
|
|
#
¿
Nov 7, 2018 02:03
|
|
|
wesleywillis posted:Goddam, we need to inject some life back in to this thread. I wasn't around for therapy goon, but we need to Bat signal the hot coworker goon. That poo poo is like heroin. Maybe he's already living out of his car now 
|
|
#
¿
Nov 11, 2018 21:29
|
|
|
To be fair, I know a guy at the gym who looks like he's 30, but really he's almost 65. He's a retired software exec, and I think he just took really good care of himself from early on. He doesn't have that weird bat creature look that facelifts give you, so I don't think he's having work done either.
|
|
#
¿
Nov 14, 2018 15:44
|
|
|
SniperWoreConverse posted:The stop aging thing happened to my great grandpa but it kicked in later like when he was in his late 40s. He still died. Dad was basically under the impression it was some form of satanic pact. Yeah, I think some folks just have good genes and fewer vices.
|
|
#
¿
Nov 14, 2018 16:25
|
|
|
Sagebrush posted:I knew a guy who was 95 and looked like he was 50. Full head of black hair, great skin, still fit. He ascribed his longevity to eating an entire head of garlic every single day. helluva trade off.
|
|
#
¿
Nov 15, 2018 17:53
|
|
|
Holy poo poo, is there such a thing as a "cuckqueen"? I've never seen the inverse of that dynamic. I've always just seen people on r/relationships talking about it from the male side. Either way, that guy is hosed. There's no way that his office fling doesn't end up telling his wife, or at least dropping a bunch of hints to lead his wife in that direction.
|
|
#
¿
Nov 15, 2018 18:18
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ May 3, 2024 10:18 |
|
|
loquacius posted:Yeah, if you approach this from a creative-writing perspective that was undeniably a foreshadowing device known as "Chekhov's strapon" Ha ha holy poo poo! Also, I'm curious about what this guy does for a living. He says he works at some small place that makes some special part, but there's only two people there most of the time and they come and go whenever? Do they make nuclear warhead part er something?
|
|
#
¿
Nov 16, 2018 04:57
|
|