Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Bust Rodd posted:

Your sister bailing because she hurt herself is the actual whitest thing I�ve ever read in this thread

She didn�t even ACTUALLY get hurt. She manufactured a lie about getting hurt because her nephew or whatever was being a prick about wanting to leave

# ¿ Nov 22, 2017 01:41

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# ¿ May 10, 2024 18:04

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Inescapable Duck posted:

I, for one, welcome our new Ur-Quan overlords.

If the Kohr-Ah get here first, we�re hosed. That said, memorize The Words. It�ll buy us a few minutes to say good-bye.

# ¿ Nov 23, 2017 09:48

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Applesnots posted:

We should be pals.

I think that�s a great idea! Pretty okay at the very least.

Done and done.

# ¿ Nov 23, 2017 19:28

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

I saw a small plane land at the local airport! I mean, that�s not really out of the ordinary, but I�m glad I kept the pets inside.

# ¿ Nov 26, 2017 04:30

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

We Know Catheters posted:

What's the point of having an account then?

We can�t all be brave.

# ¿ Dec 19, 2017 08:59

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Yeah, you LIKE it when everything�s going to be okay, don�t you? Look at you. Content. Reassured. Safe. Mmn. I�m going to softly whisper to you about how I�m here to hold you no matter what life throws our way and you�re going to listen.

# ¿ Jan 3, 2018 09:50

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

I swear I read that last confession in the r/relationships thread. I�d search it but I�m phoneposting. If I�m wrong, I�m not THAT wrong because it�d fit right in.

Maybe it�s just the (age/gender) format getting to me.

# ¿ Jan 16, 2018 10:37

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Wrong thread? Regardless, I hope there�s some way to get your appointment moved up (or get seen by somebody else maybe?) if things are this dire already. I�ll keep several fingers crossed for you.

# ¿ Feb 1, 2018 04:57

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Yep. Too late now.

�Congratulations, you�re a loving rear end in a top hat and the fact that your fabricated allegations helped real victims doesn�t change that� doesn�t quite cover it because doing the right thing (admitting to the lie) would do way more harm than good at this point. Keeping a low profile and feeling guilty about it will have to do.

# ¿ Feb 4, 2018 19:45

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

I hope our host isn�t dead.

# ¿ Mar 5, 2018 04:38

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

loquacius posted:

I'm ok, but I would like to add that if anyone here has the opportunity to experience a kidney stone I would much recommend you explore other opportunities instead, like for example being shot with a bullet or set on fire

But you aren�t dead. That�s the important thing!

# ¿ Mar 5, 2018 19:54

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

CONFESS THINGS, GODDAMNIT.

I shouldn�t be so attached to this thread.

# ¿ Mar 12, 2018 08:26

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

loquacius posted:

Don't worry, I was away for the weekend but came home to some new feshes!

Yay! Everything is relatively OK again. :dance:

quote:

As long as you don't let this lie for long enough that a visit gets built up around your imaginary girlfriend, this is an easy exit. Tell them she left you some time ago and you've been trying to build up the courage to talk about it but you're not taking it very well and ease into the other poo poo from there.

I�m a little curious why anon made up this lie in the first place. I hope it isn�t one of those cases of a family judging their kid/sibling by weirdly arbitrary benchmarks of �success� because that�s always sad and definitely doesn�t help anybody that�s struggling actually change poo poo.

The �she left me� idea does work great here, though. It wouldn�t be the first time somebody got dumped, had a hard time dealing with the fallout, and fell into some bad habits food/exercise-wise.

# ¿ Mar 13, 2018 03:51

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

That second one would absolutely crush me. I�m impressed you landed on �talk to her and not have the neighbour babysit� rather than any of the more extreme options.

It�s possible I just spend too much time in the r/relationships thread.

Condolences.

# ¿ Mar 13, 2018 19:35

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

loquacius posted:

Well-played, sir. That really IS the answer to every problem.

At least in that thread.

# ¿ Mar 13, 2018 20:01

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

I just hope this thread isn�t found responsible.

# ¿ Mar 14, 2018 08:25

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

I�m going to give that one a try. I think I can make it work. �I�m so happy you are the female of our union� can�t possibly be taken badly.

# ¿ Mar 20, 2018 09:01

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Sagebrush posted:

i wish i could find the clip that goes with this quote, because the delivery is what makes it

Oh my god, that was so awkward. On the other hand, Harold still managed to get a wife and have a family. Who doesn�t want to own and operate a pre-internet sporting goods store?

Also, here�s the clip: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OMJtkJq2R9Y

burial fucked around with this message at 18:30 on Mar 27, 2018

# ¿ Mar 27, 2018 18:27

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

loquacius posted:

Well that's even dumber, how would you get a 9.5-mile-long ship under Washington DC without anyone seeing it

Clearly, it�s an inner space (or whatever crazy people call the hollow part of the earth where Lord Kinbote lives) ship.

# ¿ Apr 25, 2018 17:20

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

�You�d have to ask him. He seemed upset and said it was an emergency.�

# ¿ Jul 3, 2018 18:04

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Ok, yours is better. Mine would work though.

# ¿ Jul 3, 2018 18:10

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

loquacius posted:

All "virtue signalling" really is is when someone cares about something you don't

Someone in another thread said the less loaded term is �sanctimony� which makes sense to me. Not that I am in any way supporting snuff �fessor here.

Also, and I�m assuming it was a typo, �worst case Ontario� would make a great user and/or band name.

# ¿ Jul 16, 2018 21:19

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

loquacius posted:

I honestly assumed anon lives in Ontario and that was some kind of statement on the quality of local law enforcement

My interpretation is more amusing, but there�s a decent chance you�re right. Which means there�s a decent chance I live relatively close to this dude.

Maaaaan.

# ¿ Jul 16, 2018 21:32

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Caganer posted:

it's probably a trailer park boys reference

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jfq3c4Cf1Fs

so confessor is either canadian... or too stoned to murder anyone

GodDAMNit, masking tape. I wanted to believe it was just a hilarious accident. Now it isn�t funny at all.

On the other hand, I feel informed. What�s weird, though, is that I�m pretty sure I�ve had to sit through tons of episodes of that show and never would�ve remembered it or made the connection.

# ¿ Jul 16, 2018 22:29

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Cag explained it already. I just really wanted it to be a fun typo. IS THAT A CRIME NOW.

# ¿ Jul 17, 2018 20:55

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

wesleywillis posted:

How sober or drunk do you have to be to eat rear end?
Is it something you started doing when drunk and then you began doing it sober?
Is it better drunk or sober?
Do you have a particular drink of choice before you do it?
Do you eat rear end on the first date?

These are all good questions, but a gentleman doesn�t eat rear end and tell.

So let�s see those answers?

# ¿ Aug 12, 2018 20:15

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Atlas Hugged posted:

Two episodes will stick with me forever. The basement that ate people and the alien girl left behind.

The ones that always stuck with me (provided we are still talking AYAOTD) are the Tale of Watcher�s Woods and this other one about a dollhouse that sucks you in and slowly turns you to porcelain. The latter was especially terrifying to me, at least conceptually.

# ¿ Aug 24, 2018 09:00

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Breitbart Is Rightbart posted:

Yep I remember this one. There was a terrifying porcelain girl wandering around the house as well.

Yeah, that was the whole thing, I think. This girl was visiting the area and her local childhood friend was missing. She (the friend) had been captured by the dollhouse and mostly turned into a doll, which she got lured into as well in the course of her investigation. They both got out at the end though.

burial fucked around with this message at 09:37 on Aug 24, 2018

# ¿ Aug 24, 2018 09:34

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

I don�t know. There�ve been times when I�ve thought about sending stuff in and then I don�t because even though I�m a pretty infrequent and entirely unmemorable poster, I figure there�s quirks to the way I write that somebody�d figure it out if they wanted to which would be upsetting.

Paranoid? probably. Just saying I believe that kind of thing could be done if one were sufficiently obsessed.

# ¿ Aug 30, 2018 19:54

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

yeah I eat rear end posted:

That's assuming the frequent feshers don't try and alter their posting style from one to another.

They can try all they want. Isn�t the idea that sufficiently thorough analysis or whatever could find the patterns and nuance anyway?

# ¿ Aug 30, 2018 20:06

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Let me clarify my position: most of the things I want to anonymously talk about are too worrisome to post openly and so I chicken out.

But yes, I do find the idea of somebody meticulously running confessions and posts in this thread through the GREAT ANONYMOUS CONFESSOR IDENTIFICATION SYSTEM hilarious too.

# ¿ Aug 30, 2018 20:12

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Look, maybe this is just me, but if I found someone attractive enough to visit their home, I wouldn�t be all �wait, there are puzzles on the wall? Sexual/romantic interest rescinded.�

# ¿ Sep 9, 2018 19:05

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

tactlessbastard posted:

What if it was wall scrolls and swords?

Wall scrolls and swords tell a different story than framed puzzles, to my way of thinking. Mr. Sunshine�s got a point too though. I guess all I meant was that it wouldn�t present as the kind of red flag that renders the person unfuckable. It�s easily in �benign hobby I could see as cute� territory.

# ¿ Sep 9, 2018 20:41

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

loquacius posted:

Curveball: What if the puzzles are of anime girls

Solice Kirsk posted:

*Iron Maiden's Run for the Hills starts playing

Somehow it�s almost worse if it�s a lady with anime girl puzzles. You got me.

# ¿ Sep 10, 2018 01:12

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Whore-fessor: WHAT

Why would you- OK. I�m not the smoothest person ever. Anxiety, the whole nine. But you had to know undressing and being all �so, let�s talk about limits before I stick it in� was almost as bad an idea as �I�ve only been with prostitutes.�

You watch a movie, you laugh, you cuddle. Maybe your take her hand or tentatively NOT CREEPILY rest yours on her thigh. She maybe nuzzles up. There are signs you can read.

I just don�t know anymore.

# ¿ Sep 28, 2018 22:03

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

That�s not a cat with human hands, it�s a human with a cat head.

# ¿ Sep 29, 2018 19:45

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

I don�t get the annoyance with the use of the term, specifically, but I DO get annoyance with people in general who insert their personal tragic history into every conversation. Like if I were to
go around being all �Oh, you hung out with your father at camp last weekend? MY DAD IS DEAD LET US TALK ABOUT IT.�

That said, what are you going to do? It likely wouldn�t be happening if she isn�t struggling with it and there�s no way that not acknowledging that fact doesn�t make you a dick.

# ¿ Oct 1, 2018 21:25

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Splicer posted:

My wife cuts my hair but that's kind of a catch 22 solution

Same here. Time before last she accidentally made it so I had to buzz my entire head.

Still better than being asked questions about what I want done to my head that I don�t know how to answer.

# ¿ Oct 2, 2018 14:03

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

This may or may not be a rural issue. (There�s a good chance it isn�t, but.) A few weeks ago, I took my son to get a haircut at one of the local places and the girl was like �what do you want to have happen here?�

�Short, just not too short; anything you think would look stylish on him is fine because we won�t know any better� really didn�t seem like the answer she wanted. She managed in the end, but with much trepidation all around.

YOU�RE A PROFESSIONAL JEEZ.

# ¿ Oct 2, 2018 14:10

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# ¿ May 10, 2024 18:04

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Is that dying grandfather thing just Stephen Lynch fanfic or what?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUDO_dtA_-8

# ¿ Oct 11, 2018 23:01

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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