Life is rough in Obama's America

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Ace of Baes

Every morning I wake up and kiss my government issued gay boyfriend, I don't want to but it's the law.

# ? Sep 29, 2016 08:09

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# ? Apr 30, 2024 08:09

Ace of Baes

After I get out of bed I stretch and walk down stairs to eat my breakfast, vegan gluten free soy bacon, the only breakfast item sold in stores now.

# ? Sep 29, 2016 08:09

Ace of Baes

At first it was hard to adjust to living in a FEMA internment camp, but ever since I got a job on a death panel things have been going more smoothly.

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# ? Sep 29, 2016 08:12

Ace of Baes

It's highly illegal to accidentally misgender someone, which is difficult since we're all required to wear full body burkas, luckily Ezra Klein is constantly blaring from the government installed loudspeakers, so if you do slip up, they probably wont be able to hear you.

# ? Sep 29, 2016 08:13

Ace of Baes

It was a downer when George Soros used his secret hurricane machine to destroy all white people's homes, but life inside the FEMA camp sure has a sense of community.

# ? Sep 29, 2016 08:14

joke_explainer

The gun issue was pretty tough. The virus that gave us all cold, dead hands was a brilliant solution, everyone just had to shrug and admit he could easily pry them out now.

# ? Sep 29, 2016 08:31

Commie NedFlanders

Breaking news body cam footage released

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhJ7NmU6lJI

☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭
Love God, Love Thy Neighbor
☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭

# ? Sep 29, 2016 08:43

MrWillsauce

joke_explainer posted:

The gun issue was pretty tough. The virus that gave us all cold, dead hands was a brilliant solution, everyone just had to shrug and admit he could easily pry them out now.

# ? Sep 29, 2016 13:01

misty mountaintop: by Hand Knit

So sick of Obama dunking on me every time I step in the court but the last straw was when he got the Marine Corps band to play the Globetrotters theme while he does it.

# ? Sep 29, 2016 13:25

misty mountaintop: by Hand Knit

Obama does gun fingers at me after a sack and doesn't even draw an unsportsmanlike. I do them back and now I'm being reeducated by Colin Kaepernick? What the gently caress!!

# ? Sep 29, 2016 13:27

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

my knees are getting worn from the constant praying to mecca while i'm working master's cotton fields but it's ok, us white folks got what was coming to us

# ? Sep 29, 2016 13:28

ninety: by Nyc_Tattoo
(and can't post for 4 years!)

My life partner MArtha is decent but he bought into the No Man's sky hype and frankly that cringey creepy sketchy and problerm as fucc

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# ? Sep 29, 2016 13:56

Lastgirl: Good Morning!
Sunday Morning!

they strap me in a chair and put on a oculus rift VR set on my head to rehabilitate my transition into Nu Obamamerica

what ive seen were disturbing images of having to support our communities and small businesses by paying my fair share of taxes

im so shook rn

# ? Sep 29, 2016 14:27

a messed up horse: by Nyc_Tattoo

"aaaaaaaamuslimsaywaht" he said, in the state of the union address, and i messed up. i didn't hear him clearly and i said "what?" and now i have to go to mosque every friday

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# ? Sep 29, 2016 14:53

Doctor J Off: There Is

I don't like violence, so my politbureau sanctioned shifts at the guillotine where the white middle class is put to death are really bumming me out

# ? Sep 29, 2016 15:08

SheepThrowinBoy: "Joel, what are these films
supposed to teach us?"

"We're born, we die, & there is
a lot of padding in between."

I don't think it's too bad, but ever since mandatory deregulation of private bathrooms there's been a long line of dragonkin standing the master bedroom waiting to use mine, and I can't legally turn them away.

# ? Sep 29, 2016 15:10

Ace of Baes

Guy Who melts down guns to build statues of Obama: It's a living.

# ? Sep 29, 2016 15:13

Doctor J Off: There Is

Man, my eczema has really flared up since cotton was banned, and we switched to hemp only clothing

# ? Sep 29, 2016 15:13

a messed up horse: by Nyc_Tattoo

To: legal-help@aclu.org
Subject: Pres keeps telling me to stop hitting myself but I'm not even

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# ? Sep 29, 2016 15:16

Manifisto

after hearing Trump renounce birtherism I got curious and decided to take a look at my own birth certificate. imagine my surprise when it was nowhere to be found. my family had no idea where it might be and couldn't specifically recall ever seeing it. I started asking around and it turns out none of my friends has ever actually seen a birth certificate. there are no references to them in the media predating 2008. it's a hoax people, a conspiracy, a flimflam! and Trump's in on it!

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Sep 29, 2016 15:19

City of Glompton

at first I was bummed about the mandatory birth control and abortions but once I was forced to adopt a whole extended clan of Syrian refugees, I learned that family is made in your heart not your womb

thank you PSP for the beautiful spring sig

# ? Sep 29, 2016 15:21

Doctor J Off: There Is

I told the Labor Distribution Board that I was okay with sedentary work, and outside work because I really needed to find something. Imagine my surprise when they placed me in a job working as a solar panel!

# ? Sep 29, 2016 15:27

Doctor J Off: There Is

Although it was a bit concerning to see Obama abolish the constitution and ban free elections, then seize the crown from off the popes head and declare himself Supreme God Emporer of the world, I am excited for the opportunity he's giving me in showing my skills to the other conscripts the campaign into Russia.

# ? Sep 29, 2016 15:43

misty mountaintop: by Hand Knit

shave and a harelip posted:

"aaaaaaaamuslimsaywaht" he said, in the state of the union address, and i messed up. i didn't hear him clearly and i said "what?" and now i have to go to mosque every friday

lmao

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# ? Sep 29, 2016 15:52

misty mountaintop: by Hand Knit

Obama made the Department of Homeland Security send all Americans a text that said "you just lost The Game"

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# ? Sep 29, 2016 15:53

a messed up horse: by Nyc_Tattoo

misty mountaintop posted:

Obama made the Department of Homeland Security send all Americans a text that said "you just lost The Game"

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# ? Sep 29, 2016 15:56

Manifisto

despite nearly eight years of his holding the reins of power, many troubling questions remained about the swarthy giant who had arisen from seemingly nowhere to assume the highest position in the land. some whispered of ties to ancient Sarkomand, and unholy traffick with the unpleasantly featured merchants who plied their trade in black galleys powered by unseen rowers. in the massive crowds that attended his curiously wooden and restrained oratories could be heard howls and gibberings that could not have come from any human throat. his ceaseless and unrelenting focus on removing guns from the hands of the populace was particularly disquieting to rural dwellers who were increasingly disturbed by the sounds of immense shambling beasts in the night's darkness. likewise, his fondness for universities where cloistered scholars delved into bizarre non-Euclidean geometries hinting at the presence of blasphemous and terrifying outer dimensions was much remarked.

as the final All Hallow's Eve of his tenebrous and oppressive reign approached, the anxiety and unrest of the populace grew to a fever pitch. something, it was rumored, was soon to be revealed--perhaps the true purpose of the perplexingly byzantine health-care regime that he had so diligently established and its possible connection to the mindless and malevolent Elder Gods to whom he was whispered to pledge allegiance.

the fearful public watched, and waited . . .

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Sep 29, 2016 16:23

Fredflonston

*keeps tripping on curbs with my Chacos*

# ? Sep 29, 2016 16:56

loquacius

# ? Sep 29, 2016 17:02

loquacius

I was gonna type a joke but then I realized the joke I was typing was basically that comic so I just posted the comic instead

# ? Sep 29, 2016 17:03

Higgy

haha what do I do with all these free healthcare??? go to a FREE college and become a government obamacares doctor?

# ? Sep 29, 2016 17:07

Ace of Baes

City of Glompton posted:

at first I was bummed about the mandatory birth control and abortions but once I was forced to adopt a whole extended clan of Syrian refugees, I learned that family is made in your heart not your womb

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# ? Sep 29, 2016 17:45

joke_explainer

City of Glompton posted:

at first I was bummed about the mandatory birth control and abortions but once I was forced to adopt a whole extended clan of Syrian refugees, I learned that family is made in your heart not your womb

# ? Sep 29, 2016 17:51

Toph Bei Fong

I wasn't sure I would like the new way our military drafting service would work, but this jade helm is fitting pretty nicely on my head. Thanks Obama!

Rob Ford Crew.