The feminist bookstore from Portlandia is angry!

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The feminist bookstore from Portlandia is angry!

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

the ol pump-n-bump posted:

The feminist movement was started by the rockafellers to get the woman out of the house and into a taxable position, while giving the state the abiity to subvert their kids minds 8 hours a day....while at the same time increasing inflation and counter culture ideas of a cohesive family being undesirable has lead to a total destruction of the american family

thanks feminism, have fun being sluts protesting oil with your titties out I guess

What

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 15:51

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 16:59

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

What's Up With The Feminist Bookstore From Portlandia Lately Oh This Is What Is Up With Them Okay Guys Anyway If You Click This Article There Are Pictures Of Bats And Bunnies

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 16:03

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

Oh my god not the feminist bookstore from Portlandia! Dammit! I can't believe we lost the feminist bookstore from Portlandia to the god drat PC Police! When are those clowns in Congress gonna shut those bastards down? What a bunch of clowns... feminist clowns that is!

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 16:06

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

the ol pump-n-bump posted:

It seems extreme because the whole bookstore is a CIA front designed to spread disharmony by polarizing parts of the population against itself, in the name of political correctness, use your brain moran

political correctness is just a way to encourage group think

you all are way behind on this

Can confirm.

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 16:09

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

FlimFlam Imam posted:

George Carlin is spinning in his grave.

Ah yes, the old "George Carlin agreed with whatever I think about anything" argument.

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 16:10

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

bag em and tag em posted:

The feminist bookstore is angry. It rumbles and cracks have formed in the fiundation. The bookstore is angry and we do not know how to calm it.

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 16:10

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

Moon Atari posted:

The feminist bookstore has gained sentience and it is loving pissed about it.

Fee Fi Fo Fum, I smell the blood of the cishet scum!

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 16:12

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

This thread is now for discussing the following blog: http://bats-and-bunnies.blogspot.com/

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 16:12

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

The blog is on hiatus so there won't be much to discuss.

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 16:12

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

Yes, or about an angry bookstore rampaging around Portland and smashing up Subway franchises.

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 16:16

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

Once we discover a new bat species, that blog is going to go loving nuts.

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 16:17

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

the video game Rampage but it's the feminist bookstore from Portlandia and it's freaking PISSED. OFF. EPICLY.

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 18:25

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

bag em and tag em posted:

How can we crack jokes when the feminist bookstore is so angry? How can we laugh in the face of such rage? When the feminist bookstore finally sees vengeance done there will be no more laughter, of that I am certain.

A stone age representation of the creative and destructive nature of womanhood but it's the feminist bookstore from Portlandia and dozens of cave people live in awe of it.

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 18:47

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

loquacius posted:

You arrive home from a day of merry objectifying and microagressing to find that your house is gone. In its place is the feminist bookstore from Portlandia. The building is silent and inanimate as usual, but in the pit of your stomach you can feel a palpable sense of dread and rage emanating from its very foundation. Through the fogged windows you can perceive no details other than a dim red glow. As you approach warily, a faint rumbling can be heard from deep below the earth. Your instincts are shouting at you to flee, to run away and never stop, but you are inexplicably compelled to walk up what was once your front path, as the rumbling increases in volume and pitch. You reach for the doorknob, your hand shaking as violently as the incensed earth. Your key does not fit, but the door opens anyway. It seems almost as though gravity has rotated 90 degrees, and you fall through the doorway, there is no other word for it. Behind you, the door creaks slightly as it swings smoothly shut.

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 19:04

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

Kelp Me! posted:

A regular-seeming bookstore but every book contains the soul of a fallen feminist and they all scream "SMASH THE PATRIARCHY" when you open one of the books

Also there's a small VHS section in the back but despite the slipcase every tape is a copy of Zardoz

When people asked why we closed GBS I should have said "to cleanse the earth of brutals."

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 19:05

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

bag em and tag em posted:

Anthropologists find similar representations in murals dated 16000 years later on 2 different continents that had no previous contact with each other.

A clay sculpture in one of Alexander the Great's storehouses indicates that the Angry Feminist Bookstore was also known to the people of his empire.

It appears to be a force that has been with humankind through the ages, across all civilizations. But what does it mean? How did it come to be? We may never know.

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 19:07

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

Kelp Me! posted:

jesus loving christ I rescind my request

I feel like I need to show that image to someone else within 24 hours or it will come through the screen and bite my face off

The Servants of the Bookstore have found you.

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 19:18

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

The feminist bookstore from Portland is angry. The clouds gather. The storm is coming.

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 21:27

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

OMG JC a Bomb! posted:

25% less than the Bookstore of Manliness for selling the same books

It would be called Dick's Hardcover Classics, dumbass.

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 21:30

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

The feminist bookstore from Portlandia is hungry.

The feminist bookstore from Portlandia is sick of CERTAIN PEOPLE acting like Taylor is better than Bey.

The feminist bookstore from Portlandia misses you, Bernice. It's sorry. [later deleted]

The feminist bookstore from Portlandia is pretty pumped for the gym, gals!

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 21:35

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

The feminist bookstore from Portlandia is what it is. It is who it is. IT WILL BE WHAT IT WILL BE.

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 21:48

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

Kelp Me! posted:

Have you been bingeing out on Welcome to Night Vale or what (I'm not complaining)

http://biblehub.com/exodus/3-14.htm

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 22:24

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

Guy hearing extremely famous bible quote: Is that from Night Vale.

Me: *praying silently for America*

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 22:25

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

Kelp Me! posted:

Guy seeing multiple posts that ascribe Lovecraftian traits to a small building: Is that from Night Vale?

Me: *wondering why being unfamiliar with bible quotes has to do with being American*

This is a Christian Nation, and if you ever went to church you might know that. But you don't go to church, do you? You just go to the feminist bookstore from Portlandia.

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 22:41

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

Kelp Me! posted:

Hey I go to synagogue once every few years! I just learned the bible in the One True Godly Language

Oh, your synagogue taught in English?

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 22:51

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

Smythe posted:

The Feminist Bookstore is going to own me, and I'm going to like it. It's going to pummel me with rare, limited edition books of theory and prose and poetry until I'm reduced to paste. It's going to clobber my rear end, balls, and weakling boy-body with manuscripts and nice thick heavy coffee table photo books. It's going to strap me down on the floor between the massive hard shelves and cut me into pieces with paper. I will be bound and gagged with a giant dream catcher as interpretive dancers rip me limb from limb to a 5000db acoustic janis joplin track in their impossibly tight unitards. my horney level is my demise im strung out jacked up and freaked out because tonight my friends tonight is the night i am buried beneath the never-ending catacombs of The Feminist Bookstore from Portlandia.

# ¿ Oct 1, 2016 00:32

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

The feminist bookstore from Portlandia.

# ¿ Oct 1, 2016 01:30

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

The feminist bookstore from Portlandia called, they're running out of you!

# ¿ Oct 1, 2016 16:34

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

bag em and tag em posted:

"Pritchard, I made it to a rooftop overlooking the Feminist Bookstore From Portlandia."

All right Jensen. The schematics show a ventilation shaft behind the building that could get you inside. Or if you actually paid attention to my briefing notes you shouldn't have trouble hacking through the security systems and marching right in.

"Stow the sarcasm, Pritchard. Just tell me if you're catching any com chatter nearby."

Everything is quiet in your vicinity. But Jensen, you should know that once you're inside I'm going to be blind. The Feminist Bookstore From Portlandia has very strict policies regarding activity on the premises and they have reserved the full authority to enforce them.

"If you can't bypass them just say so. This Feminist Bookstore From Portlandia is Angry, looks like I'll have to take care of it by myself."

# ¿ Oct 1, 2016 19:04

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

skeevy achievements posted:

I mean this beyond parody

There's actually lots of people making jokes ITT, try it sometime!

# ¿ Oct 1, 2016 21:58

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

lfg feminist bookstore from Portlandia SRS RAIDERS ONLY

# ¿ Oct 1, 2016 23:57

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

sout posted:

FactsAreUseless are we allowed to emptyquote in gbs now?

Yes, but also that same post was made several pages ago. So you should emptyquote both.

# ¿ Oct 2, 2016 00:14

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

misty mountaintop posted:

Just watched Inside Out (2015). I thought it was pretty good, particularly the way they dramatized the protagonist's emotional fluctuations through the characters of Joy, Sadness, Disgust, Fear, and Feminist Bookstore from Portlandia.

The four classical humors: sanguine, choleric, melancholic, and the feminist bookstore from Portlandia.

# ¿ Oct 2, 2016 00:15

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

naem posted:

Portland, Oregon:

What if Cleveland, Ohio were invaded by callifornians with trust funds/ tech money

I don't know, but Cleveland, Ohio doesn't have the feminist bookstore from Portlandia. I can tell you this: if Portland was invaded by Californians with trust funds/tech money, they'd have to deal with the city's almighty guardian: the feminist bookstore from Portlandia.

# ¿ Oct 2, 2016 00:16

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

[the end of Princess Mononoke, but the giant forest spirit is the feminist bookstore from Portlandia]

# ¿ Oct 2, 2016 00:26

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

Q: How many feminist bookstores from Portlandia does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: It can hear you. Run.

# ¿ Oct 2, 2016 00:48

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

[in Carrie Brownstein voice]: The feminist bookstore from Portlandia! *four minutes of guitar noise produced by the guy from Sonic Youth*

# ¿ Oct 2, 2016 00:53

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

Corin Tucker: The feminist boooOOOOOooookstore from Portlandia!

Carrie Brownstein (in harmony): It's angry! It's angry!

# ¿ Oct 2, 2016 00:54

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

Dreddout posted:

Dr. Weir: The feminist bookstore brought me back. I told you she won't let me leave - she won't let anyone leave. Did you really think you could destroy this bookstore? She's defied space and time. She's been to a place you couldn't possibly imagine. And now... it is time to go back.
Miller: I know. To Portland.
Dr. Weir: You know nothing. Portland is only a word. The reality is much, much worse.

# ¿ Oct 2, 2016 01:00

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 16:59

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

mysterious frankie posted:

I tried this to prove it:

This is after only twenty seconds of having the words feminist bookstore on my fridge. That book was some leftover ghost pepper chicken wings before. Also note the box wine (a woman's drink)

# ¿ Oct 2, 2016 01:35

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The feminist bookstore from Portlandia is angry!

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