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Dial-a-Dog
May 22, 2001

loquacius posted:

the hot scientist from the between-level scenes is played by Fred Armisen


We're just making jokes about a funny article, chill

i was sending death threats actually, sorry

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Dial-a-Dog
May 22, 2001
“pressure is too much. too many places folded inside. not enough space. must divide.”
Annah interposed, “Uh, it must be in the ‘way.’ ”
“What are you talking about?”
“I think it’s pregnant,” Annah replied.
Morte joined in, “Freaky. So where are we technically standing right now?”
“I really don’t want to know the answer to that, Morte.” The voice continued speaking, ignoring my companions.
“help me to divide. branch out. expand. new apertures will open. you may use them to travel to the lower ward.”
“What do you need to divide?”
“the floating one is upon me. repairing. it prevents me from dividing. i undo its repairs. but it returns again and again. repairs anew. must remove floating one.” I wasn’t sure I liked the implication of its words.
“You want me to kill the repairman in the Feminist Bookstore?”
“remove it. only then can i divide.”
I knew from Iron Nalls the way to the other wards from Portlandia was currently blocked. I felt I must get to other areas of the city. If helping this… thing would do it, so be it.
I found the repairman close to where I had left it. I was sure there was little chance I could convince it to just leave the area, and even if I could get it to leave, it would doubtless quickly return.
However, there was a way. I went up to it, and told it I had just discovered the body of another repairman in the alley. As I thought, it was interested in what I had to say, and soon was hurrying to enter the house where I had found the dead repairman.
For a moment, I gloried in my power. I realized I could easily bend those around me to my will, forcing them to my bidding regardless of the effect on their insignificant lives. But only for a moment.
I had sent the repairman to its death, as surely as if I had cut off its head. One could argue it was to save another’s life, but it was doing nothing wrong, not by any scale of right and wrong I would wish to live by.
I thought of the incarnation that Dak'kon and Morte had known, and knew if I followed the path that had tempted me for a moment, that is where I would end up. I considered the temptation, and saw it held no real attraction for me. Time to move on.
When we returned to the being, it claimed the work the repairman had already done had weakened it enough that it could not go forward, either ‘birthing’ or undoing the repairs. It described what the repairman had done, and we agreed to undo its work.
Fortunately, I had a prybar which I picked up originally in Portlandia, and with an improvised hammer the repairman’s work was soon undone.
We returned to the being. It spoke again, using the ambient sounds of the Feminist Bookstore.
“yes. all is in order. i am grateful.” Again the wind began to blow around me, this time with fierce intensity. The omnipresent sounds of the Feminist Bookstore began to increase in volume until the soft murmur of the voice was nearly drown out by the ensuing racket. “now you must go. division begins. the way is now open to you.”
The stone face before me began to transform once again, its mass shifting and roiling as I looked on. The entire wall seemed to melt before my eyes, exposing a narrow passageway beyond. The ground underfoot suddenly began to rock violently and the soft sighing of the wind intensified to a more urgent, almost human-like moaning. I could hear the sounds of crashing stones and snapping boards all around me as we dashed into the passageway.
We rushed forward, until we were beyond the area of buildings rearranging themselves. Looking back, the layout of the alleys and buildings behind us had completely changed

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