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President Trump ascends to the podium. He is wearing a red power tie and the smirk of a man who has bested all of his haters. Americans look on silent, mouths agape. He begins to speak. "The feminist bookstore from Portlandia." The words ring out over Washington, over America, over the world. He lets them hang in the air momentarily. Then, again, "The feminist bookstore from Portlandia," this time slightly louder. Bemused, but captivated, the American people feel their mouths forming the shape of those words. Those immortal words that would change so much. "The feminist bookstore from Portlandia! The feminist bookstore from Portlandia!" Over and over he says the words, growing from a statement to a yell to a howl and then beyond anything we have any words to express, leading America in her birth-chant, now pounding his fist on the podium in rhythm with the words, a chest compression for a whole country at once. The people become restless as they shout the words along with him. They pace, rock, gnash teeth. Grown men fall to the ground and pound their fists. "THE FEMINIST BOOKSTORE FROM PORTLANDIA. THE FEMINIST BOOKSTORE FROM PORTLANDIA." So loud now that it is less of a sound than a tremor. He has pounded so hard for so long that the flesh is broken. Blood splashes from the podium onto nearby dignitaries. America rages along. Noses bleed, people tear at their clothes and flesh. Hair is pulled, and teeth broken. People scream, cry, wail, barely coherent, slobbering from their mouths, naked and covered in blood, muddy, broken, crawling on the ground, soiling themselves, panting and gasping for life, for America. The elderly breathe their death rattles. "THE FEMINIST BOOKSTORE FROM PORTLANDIA." Eventually it would stop. No one knows precisely when. Perhaps long after the ash and blood cleared, perhaps before. The earth was inexorably scarred by the vibrations. Canyons and valleys opened to the deluge of noise and kinetic force as they once had to the unhalting march of the glaciers. America, of course, was gone. Its people, its culture, its symbols, all that it had built vanished from the earth. All except for single one-story building in the Pacific northwest.
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Oct 1, 2016 00:50
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Turdsdown Tom posted:i sort of want to call them and come up with some horribly righteous thing to ask about how their store is a "shrine to gentrification" or something like that just to see if i can't get a head to explode from across the country ha yeah do this, sounds really funny XD
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Oct 1, 2016 18:18
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I've only watched the first season of portlandia and I enjoyed it but I guess I'm supposed to think it's dumb and bad??
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Oct 1, 2016 23:32
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mysterious frankie posted:I tried this to prove it: owns
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Oct 2, 2016 11:17
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Soup du Journey posted:
jajajajaja
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Oct 2, 2016 18:42
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