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Dreddout
Oct 1, 2015

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.
Looks like NuGBS is heating up! :fyadride:

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Ben Smash
Aug 22, 2005

LARDROOM
Grimey Drawer
OP can you please discuss your feelings on internet sensation Ken Bone?

Ben Smash
Aug 22, 2005

LARDROOM
Grimey Drawer

Dreddout posted:

Looks like NuGBS is heating up! :fyadride:

Geddout

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.
And there is no way Sarah SIlverman wouldn't be Myrna Minkoff.

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

I was thinking the guy who played Milton on Office Space would make a good Ignatius but he's apparently lost weight since then and would have to re-fat a little

Instruction Manuel
May 15, 2007

Yes, it is what it looks like!

Who is SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT? This is SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT speaking etc.

Dinosaurmageddon
Jul 7, 2007

by zen death robot
Hell Gem
What snarky quip does Dr. House (*and Cuddy too!) have to say about Capt. America and the super soldier program?
I want to hear all the sardonic mockery of America and its values in my head, in the voice of an esteemed English actor who plays a sarcastic genius American doctor on TV, only in your own words.

Have you ever seen Unbreakable? Captain America plus Doctor House... I'm getting an 'Unbreakable' vibe here. Tell me you're "unbreakable," OP. Don't break now.
"Eric" can and will only be suffered by idiot-primes. You can do this.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Sounds like you should write with a group of collaborators who appreciate your talent and intellect, OP. Have you considered contributing to the :siren: goon approved :siren: collaborative sci-fi epic "The planet Builders?"

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3793316

All proceeds from sales of the book will go towards buying new forums.

Applewhite fucked around with this message at 20:29 on Oct 14, 2016

ziasquinn
Jan 1, 2006

Fallen Rib

quote:

After the events of last night I became so powerfully angry that I ended up sleeping on my neighbour's driveway. I woke up underneath his car, yet another data point in my developing theory that my neighbour, who works the night shifts, is parking his car on top of me when I sleep there.

Lol. 5

Dinosaurmageddon
Jul 7, 2007

by zen death robot
Hell Gem

Applewhite posted:

:siren: goon approved :siren:

Not to be contrarian, but that's an oxymoron.

Moltke
May 13, 2009
This reminds me of those old front page stories about the weaboo and his normie roommate. Anyone remember those?

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Moltke posted:

This reminds me of those old front page stories about the weaboo and his normie roommate. Anyone remember those?

Yeah I loved those.

Moltke
May 13, 2009

Applewhite posted:

Yeah I loved those.

https://www.somethingawful.com/series/anime-roommate/

When I am watching Naruto, Jerry, I do not need you sitting next to me eating Captain Crunch loudly and interjecting your own misinformed commentary track. If you have questions about Naruto, that is fine. There's a lot of subtle nuances and texture to take in. That's why it's called art, Jerry. That is also why we have things like Wikipedia, so you can get informed and become a wiser person.

I also have a hard time stomaching your shameful hypocrisy. When you brought your girlfriend over, I tolerated her, even if she was rude and continually alluded to my weight and smell. I cannot help it, Jerry, if the flesh of my inner thighs is necrotizing. That is a common medical condition. I bit my tongue and buried my hurt feelings for the benefit of our relationship as roommates.

Yet when my girlfriend moved in from across the country, you suddenly found yourself at odds with the opposite sex. You yelled and screamed, insulted me, insulted her, and even made her cry. Because of this, I had to foot the bill for a weeklong stay at the Motel 6 until her stepdad could wire her the gas money to drive home. She hasn't talked to me since. Because of you, Jerry, I was denied the opportunity to settle down and start a family. Worst of all, you hurt her so bad that she stopped writing her web comic, robbing the world of an important artist.

Alpha Man
Jun 23, 2010

SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT posted:

Creative writing is both an art and a science much like the work of entrepreneur Elon Musk whose Myers-Briggs score is INTJ much like my own which has lead me to form a very personal attachment to both his work in electric cars but also his pioneering achievements in getting humanity to Mars, where I intend to live my final years, which will of course be final because there is no such thing as heaven.

The fact that I keep the curtains shut on certain days has nothing to do with any kind of "being unable to cope", I simply dislike the glare on my dual monitors and I coincidentally prefer it when it is harder to see the contents of the mirror.

This is a masterpiece.

Also, :same:

FedEx Mercury
Jan 7, 2004

Me bad posting? That's unpossible!
Lipstick Apathy

Moltke posted:

This reminds me of those old front page stories about the weaboo and his normie roommate. Anyone remember those?

I already posted that!!

Moltke
May 13, 2009

FedEx Mercury posted:

I already posted that!!

You've got a great memory!

SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT
Oct 14, 2016

A thinking, breathing house? You're mad!

Ben Smash posted:

OP can you please discuss your feelings on internet sensation Ken Bone?

I went to a political debate once. In actual fact it was an art piece put on by my close personal friend Graeme who is a successful artist. In point of fact he is almost as successful in his chosen field as I am in mine except his success is more obvious due to money and fame whereas I prefer to hide my light under a bushel. In the art piece we were split into three groups: one group for each candidate and one "undecided" group. I was in the undecided group as I felt unable to support either candidate's ticket as neither showed a valid understanding of the principles of Anarcho-Capitalist thought or had anything to say about the possibility of a rogue AI destroying us all which is absolutely the most pressing existential threat due to its potential to kill billions or maybe even trillions as opposed to some nonsense about global warming or AIDS which will obviously be solved by nano-science and biomechanical augmentation as soon as the singularity happens which it obviously will.

As part of the exhibit, the "politicians" continued to debate and gradually people from our "undecided" area moved towards one candidate or another. Generally they moved in one direction only because one of the candidates was saying some pretty bizarre things, which I was later informed was commentary of some sort. Eventually I was the only person left in the middle because neither candidate had mentioned any issue relevant to me for example the myriad problems with the casting of Ben Affleck as Bruce Wayne A.K.A. Batman. The so-called finale of the piece was that the undecided group i.e. me was doused in hot bull's urine from a bucket that was hidden above in a bit where no-one could see.

Everyone clapped and cheered, but in a way that seemed like they were cheering at me, not with me, especially as I was not cheering but trying to get the taste of bovine micturation out of my mouth.

On the way out I got dizzy and I had to lie down with my head on the curb, due to the hot studio lights. It definitely was not a panic attack, what ever anyone else says, because I know precisely what those feel like and I only ever have them when no-one is looking.

myDad
Jan 20, 2010

ce n'est pas ma mère
College Slice

FedEx Mercury posted:

I already posted that!!

Hell, I can't even remember 10 minutes ago.

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

OP, do you have any opinions on late-mid-20th-century literature, particularly John Kennedy Toole's picaresque masterpiece A Confederacy Of Dunces?

Dinosaurmageddon
Jul 7, 2007

by zen death robot
Hell Gem
Pig's blood gets you Carrie's prom wreathed in flames.
Bull's piss gets you ambivalent bloviators curbed in shame.

You shouldn't have let them walk all over you like that, Sentient Doormat.

a star war betamax
Sep 17, 2011

by Lowtax
Gary’s Answer

SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT posted:

I went to a political debate once. In actual fact it was an art piece put on by my close personal friend Graeme who is a successful artist. In point of fact he is almost as successful in his chosen field as I am in mine except his success is more obvious due to money and fame whereas I prefer to hide my light under a bushel. In the art piece we were split into three groups: one group for each candidate and one "undecided" group. I was in the undecided group as I felt unable to support either candidate's ticket as neither showed a valid understanding of the principles of Anarcho-Capitalist thought or had anything to say about the possibility of a rogue AI destroying us all which is absolutely the most pressing existential threat due to its potential to kill billions or maybe even trillions as opposed to some nonsense about global warming or AIDS which will obviously be solved by nano-science and biomechanical augmentation as soon as the singularity happens which it obviously will.

As part of the exhibit, the "politicians" continued to debate and gradually people from our "undecided" area moved towards one candidate or another. Generally they moved in one direction only because one of the candidates was saying some pretty bizarre things, which I was later informed was commentary of some sort. Eventually I was the only person left in the middle because neither candidate had mentioned any issue relevant to me for example the myriad problems with the casting of Ben Affleck as Bruce Wayne A.K.A. Batman. The so-called finale of the piece was that the undecided group i.e. me was doused in hot bull's urine from a bucket that was hidden above in a bit where no-one could see.

Everyone clapped and cheered, but in a way that seemed like they were cheering at me, not with me, especially as I was not cheering but trying to get the taste of bovine micturation out of my mouth.

On the way out I got dizzy and I had to lie down with my head on the curb, due to the hot studio lights. It definitely was not a panic attack, what ever anyone else says, because I know precisely what those feel like and I only ever have them when no-one is looking.

Hmm...

glowing-fish
Feb 18, 2013

Keep grinding,
I hope you level up! :)
I once wrote a Doctor Who/Babylon 5 cross-over fanfic that someone recorded an audio version of for youtube.

In other words, I understand, OP. Sometimes we just get these flashes of genius that make the internet go wild, and its hard to explain that genius is its own road, not a rabbit we can pull out of a hat.

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003

SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT posted:

I went to a political debate once. In actual fact it was an art piece put on by my close personal friend Graeme who is a successful artist. In point of fact he is almost as successful in his chosen field as I am in mine except his success is more obvious due to money and fame whereas I prefer to hide my light under a bushel. In the art piece we were split into three groups: one group for each candidate and one "undecided" group. I was in the undecided group as I felt unable to support either candidate's ticket as neither showed a valid understanding of the principles of Anarcho-Capitalist thought or had anything to say about the possibility of a rogue AI destroying us all which is absolutely the most pressing existential threat due to its potential to kill billions or maybe even trillions as opposed to some nonsense about global warming or AIDS which will obviously be solved by nano-science and biomechanical augmentation as soon as the singularity happens which it obviously will.

As part of the exhibit, the "politicians" continued to debate and gradually people from our "undecided" area moved towards one candidate or another. Generally they moved in one direction only because one of the candidates was saying some pretty bizarre things, which I was later informed was commentary of some sort. Eventually I was the only person left in the middle because neither candidate had mentioned any issue relevant to me for example the myriad problems with the casting of Ben Affleck as Bruce Wayne A.K.A. Batman. The so-called finale of the piece was that the undecided group i.e. me was doused in hot bull's urine from a bucket that was hidden above in a bit where no-one could see.

Everyone clapped and cheered, but in a way that seemed like they were cheering at me, not with me, especially as I was not cheering but trying to get the taste of bovine micturation out of my mouth.

On the way out I got dizzy and I had to lie down with my head on the curb, due to the hot studio lights. It definitely was not a panic attack, what ever anyone else says, because I know precisely what those feel like and I only ever have them when no-one is looking.

i feel like you need an avatar

Mega64
May 23, 2008

I took the octopath less travelered,

And it made one-eighth the difference.

DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:

i feel like you need an avatar

I agree.

Video Nasty
Jun 17, 2003

In three years I turned the lights on and found you ready on the phone. After digging for treasure with my shoes tripping in cracks of old soldiers hands. Past is the bitter-glad friend who knocks at night. Pictures in hand to prove he remembers too, I stared in stoic shock of the roads that opened up when you took your bags from my room. And you are ready again.
Don't look back, but we all glanced didn't we? Left the museum for our cars then home to catch stock quotes where we write down when to come again. Night's slow garage door lifted and by some weak cornerstone or crack the building hung, its windpipe crushed, and was displayed above morning ticker tape. We mourned, tourists in life and death, thumbing through photographs we have left.

Further on, curtains drawn. Weary, she sits alone in the comfort of home. Dinner was made for more, than to just stare at her fork. A shadow across her lawn, next door a light buzzes to keep away the insects.
Dirty windows confess: vague humans live inside, rhythm breathing in tide
to television's white fuzz.

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003

have this one

jeff smisek
May 18, 2009


So like is eric hot or????

Gridlocked
Aug 2, 2014

MR. STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE
AND A BIG BUTT
AND HIS BUTT SMELLS
AND HE LIKES TO KISS
HIS OWN BUTT
by Roger Hargreaves
Is this the the new Dare or something?

DoctorStrangelove
Jun 7, 2012

IT WOULD NOT BE DIFFICULT MEIN FUHRER!

SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT posted:

Ever since the arrival of "Eric" our fan-fiction society had begun the inexorable slide towards inevitable destruction. After the events of last night I became so powerfully angry that I ended up sleeping on my neighbour's driveway. I woke up underneath his car, yet another data point in my developing theory that my neighbour, who works the night shifts, is parking his car on top of me when I sleep there. I sleep outside during these potent rages because I am concerned that my treasured posessions would not survive the full force of my fury, not even my collection of editions of the seminal Objectivist text "The Fountainhead", which are ordered by publication date and at this point certainly worth a vast sum of money should I ever choose to sell them which I never would because of how important they are to me.

The latest consignment of ignorant bile that emanated from what "Eric" is pleased to call his mind was over my Captain America/House crossover fic which I continue to maintain recontextualises both works to such an insightful extent that it could heal the divisions in our great nation if only the ignorant peons that comprise the majority of the populace would open their minds long enough to see it. The preening ignoramus made a number of unwelcome and incorrect observations regarding a key character in my work, who helps Dr. Gregory House lead Steve Rogers to the inevitable conclusion that Anarcho-Capitalism is the only correct way for a nation to function. "Eric" insisted that this character represented a "blatant self-insert", purely because they simply happen to have the same hair and eye colour as me as well as sharing my beliefs and stylish dress sense.

I suppose that I should not allow myself to be surprised by the capriciousness of inferior minds, but it continues to baffle me that my fellows afford this "Eric" with any measure whatsoever of attention and respect. This is a man who will freely admit without any trace of shame to enjoying the show "The Big Bang Theory" which is deeply offensive in the way that it stereotypes nerds and nerd culture, which if you look at it objectively is absolutely the most oppressed group in the world. That show is basically blackface but for nerds and if these SJWs really cared about so-called "cultural appropriation" they would be up in arms about this shameful nonsense but they are not, which tells you all you need to know, really. He also once made a joke the punchline of which was a reference to the "Large HARD-ON Collider" which I did not appreciate because the project at CERN has become very personally meaningful to me ever since I read an article about the Higgs Boson on Forbes dot com, a site I no longer frequent due to their policy on ad blockers.

Sometimes at night when the panic attacks threaten to overwhelm it helps to rest my naked body against the cool enamel of my empty bath.

hosed up if true

Drunk Nerds
Jan 25, 2011

Just close your eyes
Fun Shoe

loquacius posted:

I was thinking the guy who played Milton on Office Space would make a good Ignatius but he's apparently lost weight since then and would have to re-fat a little


HIS NAME IS STEPHEN ROOT AND HE IS A GODDAMN GOLDEN GOD

drat

Who Is Paul Blart
Oct 22, 2010
This is good

The Dregs
Dec 29, 2005

MY TREEEEEEEE!
I just felt my pyloric valve slam shut.

BIG PUFFY NIPS
Mar 7, 2007

College Slice
has anyone ever written a novel as a series of posts on various internet forums cause its a cool idea and you seem like the type who could bear it out op

thathonkey
Jul 17, 2012
i didnt really like it to be honest sorry.

some funny parts but overall tried a little too hard.

3/5

rabble rabble
Mar 24, 2015



Nap Ghost
5

Dr. Fraiser Chain
May 18, 2004

Redlining my shit posting machine


thathonkey posted:

i didnt really like it to be honest sorry.

some funny parts but overall tried a little too hard.

3/5

"Eric" spotted

Cartouche
Jan 4, 2011

SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT posted:

Ever since the arrival of "Eric" our fan-fiction society had begun the inexorable slide towards inevitable destruction. After the events of last night I became so powerfully angry that I ended up sleeping on my neighbour's driveway. I woke up underneath his car, yet another data point in my developing theory that my neighbour, who works the night shifts, is parking his car on top of me when I sleep there. I sleep outside during these potent rages because I am concerned that my treasured posessions would not survive the full force of my fury, not even my collection of editions of the seminal Objectivist text "The Fountainhead", which are ordered by publication date and at this point certainly worth a vast sum of money should I ever choose to sell them which I never would because of how important they are to me.

The latest consignment of ignorant bile that emanated from what "Eric" is pleased to call his mind was over my Captain America/House crossover fic which I continue to maintain recontextualises both works to such an insightful extent that it could heal the divisions in our great nation if only the ignorant peons that comprise the majority of the populace would open their minds long enough to see it. The preening ignoramus made a number of unwelcome and incorrect observations regarding a key character in my work, who helps Dr. Gregory House lead Steve Rogers to the inevitable conclusion that Anarcho-Capitalism is the only correct way for a nation to function. "Eric" insisted that this character represented a "blatant self-insert", purely because they simply happen to have the same hair and eye colour as me as well as sharing my beliefs and stylish dress sense.

I suppose that I should not allow myself to be surprised by the capriciousness of inferior minds, but it continues to baffle me that my fellows afford this "Eric" with any measure whatsoever of attention and respect. This is a man who will freely admit without any trace of shame to enjoying the show "The Big Bang Theory" which is deeply offensive in the way that it stereotypes nerds and nerd culture, which if you look at it objectively is absolutely the most oppressed group in the world. That show is basically blackface but for nerds and if these SJWs really cared about so-called "cultural appropriation" they would be up in arms about this shameful nonsense but they are not, which tells you all you need to know, really. He also once made a joke the punchline of which was a reference to the "Large HARD-ON Collider" which I did not appreciate because the project at CERN has become very personally meaningful to me ever since I read an article about the Higgs Boson on Forbes dot com, a site I no longer frequent due to their policy on ad blockers.

Sometimes at night when the panic attacks threaten to overwhelm it helps to rest my naked body against the cool enamel of my empty bath.

This is some House of Leaves level content.

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...
yeah i didnt read that some one make a photoshop of a dildo

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Dinosaurmageddon
Jul 7, 2007

by zen death robot
Hell Gem

Alan Smithee posted:

yeah i didnt read that some one make a photoshop of a dildo

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Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

nice photoshop dilweed

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