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Drunk at Best Buy
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Oct 15, 2016 07:45
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 14:08 |
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Ork of Fiction posted:Drunk at Best Buy roboshit was a pro-tier poster even if he was too hosed up on meth to know it
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Oct 15, 2016 09:28
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Thank you for shining your genius on us, OP. what are your thoughts on the gamergate phenomenon?
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Oct 15, 2016 09:46
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Alan Smithee posted:yeah i didnt read that some one make a photoshop of a dildo someone make an actual fiction elf dildo like in that one ask/tell thread
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Oct 15, 2016 09:55
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OP, are you secretly a Hakan rereg?
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Oct 15, 2016 10:37
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Lmao e: Also voted 5 for surprisingly entertaining OP and subsequent posts.
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Oct 15, 2016 11:09
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After the Betty debacle I resolved that I should attempt to gain the trust and friendship of "Eric" if I were to annnihilate him as he so richly deserves. I had an issue attempting to void my bladder earlier when two men entered the restroom and carried on with their conversation about some manner of sporting event, destroying the peace and quiet that I require and demand when attending to bodily functions. I chose to see my still-full bladder as a good thing, another tool in my quest to befriend this heinous, simian fool as I had once read that the mind's decision-making capacity is improved when one desperately needs to urinate, which I did. As our fan-fiction society meeting prepared to begin, I sidled over to "Eric", eyeing suspiciously his absurd hair style, which females seem to like for some ridiculous reason, just because he isn't already going bald which is a sign of high testosterone anyway so I don't see what the problem is. "Eric my goodly fellow, how are you doing?" I asked in my best confident voice which is essentially a flawless imitation of Sir Patrick Stewart as Captain Jean-Luc Picard in Star Trek: The Next Generation which is the best Star Trek. "I am curious to know of your opinion of the television show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic." I picked that show because it is impossible to be a thinking, feeling human and not appreciate the flawless nature of MLP and thus would be an ideal piece of common ground. Alas, little did I truly understand the depths of the depravity of this "Eric". "Oh that stupid kid's show? Hah, those grown men who watch that are such sad-sacks!" he uttered in that disgusting, guttural reptilian voice of his. "Wait, you don't like it, do you?" "Of course not!" I bellowed in my most self-assured stutter. "That show is for little girls and sad old baby-men and there is absolutely nothing for a fully formed functioning adult to learn from the philosophy of tolerance and friendship espoused by My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic," I lied, every wretched syllable further compounding my cruel betrayal of Twilight Sparkle et al. My heart felt almost as heavy as my bladder. "Eric" looked at me suspiciously for a moment as though this sub-person had any right to judge an enlightened intellectual such as myself. Then he grinned in a way that was simultaneously devious and devoid of any form of thought, like a cockroach might grin if it had the correct facial components which it does not so it can't. He slapped me on the back in a way that the wretch probably believed to be friendly. My relief at having so rapidly won the trust of this moron was marred by the sudden jolt he had given me with his oafish clubbing. Both factors led to a brief slip in what is normally truly excellent bodily control, and my distended bladder took the opportunity to void itself. Warm wet shame began to course through the areas around my pelvis and legs and feet. Everyone in the room turned to look at me. Time stopped. The moment hung in the air like a delicate crystal, before dropping to the floor and shattering as pandemonium broke loose. The room blurred as I began to weep, but in a manly way like how Aragorn cries over Boromir at the end of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. My eyes were crying and my genitals were also crying as well but in a different way because I was still urinating. The meeting was cut short. I was forced to walk home because the bus lady would not let me on for sanitary reasons even though urine is sterile which this stupid woman would understand if she'd ever read a book which is what I said just before she drove off. The gentle hum of the open refrigerator can make for a very effective sleep aid.
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Oct 15, 2016 12:08
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You're too good for them, Sentient Doormat.
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Oct 15, 2016 12:21
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Clearly they weren't ready for your live art installation. But at the same time you should sue "Eric" for defamation of character and assault. That can be part of the installation.
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Oct 15, 2016 12:55
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i once knew a guy like thus. He ordered a chinese wife and i lost track of him.
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Oct 15, 2016 13:29
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awesome.
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Oct 15, 2016 15:12
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This is beautiful. Thank you.
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Oct 15, 2016 16:42
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keep going
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Oct 15, 2016 16:56
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You jumped the shark on this one op, fanfiction guy would never own a fridge as he only requires sustenance from the superior food source soylent
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Oct 15, 2016 17:03
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Please do not patronise me. The refrigerator is there only for recreational and therapeutic purposes and does not contain food as I agree with intellectual sensation Rob Rinehart that it is a travesty that so called "property developers" force men like me to live with the vestigial organ that is a kitchen. As a matter of fact I experimented with the food replacement solution known as Soylent over a series of months however I was forced to concede that it does not agree with my internal workings following a deeply embarrassing fecal event in the Mall of America.
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Oct 15, 2016 17:12
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Move on to the big leagues and poo poo yourself at Disney World.
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Oct 15, 2016 17:26
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post about your living arrangements
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Oct 15, 2016 17:40
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This thread is beautiful. It's almost like reading the drug addled rants in Infinite Jest but possibly better.
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Oct 15, 2016 18:02
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I haven't laughed this much at a thread in a long time. Bravo!
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Oct 15, 2016 18:28
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folandi posted:post about your living arrangements
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Oct 15, 2016 18:31
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That Robot posted:well op OP is leagues beyond your posting grade, know your place bitch
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Oct 15, 2016 18:46
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SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT posted:Please do not patronise me. The refrigerator is there only for recreational and therapeutic purposes and does not contain food as I agree with intellectual sensation Rob Rinehart that it is a travesty that so called "property developers" force men like me to live with the vestigial organ that is a kitchen. As a matter of fact I experimented with the food replacement solution known as Soylent over a series of months however I was forced to concede that it does not agree with my internal workings following a deeply embarrassing fecal event in the Mall of America. I won't patronise you. Cheers!
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Oct 15, 2016 19:00
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Oct 15, 2016 19:24
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OPee please tell us about soiling yourself in mall of America.
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Oct 15, 2016 20:13
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SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT posted:Please do not patronise me. The refrigerator is there only for recreational and therapeutic purposes and does not contain food as I agree with intellectual sensation Rob Rinehart that it is a travesty that so called "property developers" force men like me to live with the vestigial organ that is a kitchen. As a matter of fact I experimented with the food replacement solution known as Soylent over a series of months however I was forced to concede that it does not agree with my internal workings following a deeply embarrassing fecal event in the Mall of America. are you for real?
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Oct 15, 2016 21:06
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Tell me more about Eric
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Oct 15, 2016 21:06
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Betty's cruel rejection of my subtle romanticism in favor of Eric's Stygian grunting stung in particular because I was still recovering from my most recent romantic rejection in which I was treated very poorly indeed and when the screenplay I wrote about it is picked up by MIRAMAX Films LLC the whole world will know that I am not to be trifled with. I met Gretchen in a chat room dedicated to seminal bishōjo Anime series Galaxy Angel. We bonded instantly thanks to the fact that we were both taken with my theory that Milfeulle Sakuraba is in actual fact a Time Lord which you can tell due to certain pieces of evidence that I choose not to share here as it is very personal to me and I have been hurt before for example the time I am talking about now. As we got closer to each other we moved on to private chats and sharing pictures. She told me she admired my "healthy forehead" and "gamer's complexion" and for my part I found it enchanting how changeable she was in photographs, regularly altering her hair color and even appearing to have different eye color and facial structure. What rare beauty is this, I thought to myself. Soon I was invited to visit her at her dwelling in Canton, Ohio which I relished not only because it meant I would meet my lady love but also because I always appreciate a city that can be reached via Amtrak. I turned up at her address that she gave me, which was a small suburban house near the south-west of the city located near a telegraph pole. I turned up 17 hours early because I find it difficult to count on trains. The person who opened the door was not the beautiful woman with whom I had fallen in love and who had haunted my dreams like a beautiful sexual ghost and lead to a new regimen related to the frequency of times I wash my bed sheets. Instead a man of similar age and complexion to myself answered the door and began apologizing. He said his name was Jormus, which I was able to verify after insisting on inspecting a drivers license or other state-issued ID. He admitted that he had pretended to be the lovely Gretchen, which did explain certain inconsistencies which I appreciated even though I was left feeling hollow and empty inside much like the complex suite of emotions Thomas Anderson A.K.A. Neo experiences when he learns about the Matrix in my re-written version of the film which fixes a number of very serious problems with the film. Jormus said he had two tickets to go and see Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, which in spite of my disappointment I was happy to accept because I had been looking forward to another opportunity to catalogue the film's many flaws and betrayal of true fans of Star Wars. During the hackneyed cantina scene I felt a feeling of a hand on my genital area only to discover that I felt that because there was in actual fact a hand on my genital area which was connected via an arm to Jormus who said "I have my hand on your genital area because I love you," which required my almost superhuman hearing to understand because his mouth was full of popcorn. I think it is really unfair and biased that I was thrown out from the cinema purely for reciting all of the raid bosses in level order from Blizzard's hit MMORPG World of Warcraft at the top of my voice which is what I often do when I feel confused. It's not as though anyone in there was mentally capable of appreciating the Star Wars mythology anyway in particular the code of the Gray Jedi which is what I would be if I were a Jedi. I had to get the Greyhound bus back home after being forcibly ejected from the Amtrak train purely because I vomited on an infant after accidentally swallowing a used handkerchief. I would prefer not to discuss the befoulment incident at Mall of America as for me the grief is still too near. At night if I close my eyes I can still taste the effluvium.
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Oct 15, 2016 22:04
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literally me af, imho.
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Oct 15, 2016 22:10
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This thread is wonderful
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Oct 15, 2016 22:11
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I think the op is broken
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Oct 15, 2016 22:32
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SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT posted:Warm wet shame
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Oct 15, 2016 22:41
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This is the kind of writing that brought me here 15 years ago.
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Oct 15, 2016 23:03
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u wan gently caress posted:This is the kind of writing that brought me here 15 years ago. Hows 2017 son?
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Oct 15, 2016 23:14
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u wan gently caress posted:This is the kind of writing that brought me here 15 years ago. CHEESE FOR SALE, FRESH MONKEY CHEESE
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Oct 15, 2016 23:14
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did president Pence Kill all the mexicans?
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Oct 15, 2016 23:15
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Good lord, this harkens back to the days of old on this here comedy website.
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Oct 15, 2016 23:35
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Mumpy Puffinz posted:Hows 2017 son? There was a thing called lurking, and it was pretty much a requirement for a 13 year old with no bank account.
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Oct 16, 2016 00:15
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u wan gently caress posted:There was a thing called lurking, and it was pretty much a requirement for a 13 year old with no bank account. are you wanna them danga rompa twiches? (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Oct 16, 2016 00:26
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did someone say Doctor Who is John Galt yet
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Oct 16, 2016 01:22
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who are we mad at again?
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Oct 16, 2016 01:52
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