SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT posted:

I went to a political debate once. In actual fact it was an art piece put on by my close personal friend Graeme who is a successful artist. In point of fact he is almost as successful in his chosen field as I am in mine except his success is more obvious due to money and fame whereas I prefer to hide my light under a bushel. In the art piece we were split into three groups: one group for each candidate and one "undecided" group. I was in the undecided group as I felt unable to support either candidate's ticket as neither showed a valid understanding of the principles of Anarcho-Capitalist thought or had anything to say about the possibility of a rogue AI destroying us all which is absolutely the most pressing existential threat due to its potential to kill billions or maybe even trillions as opposed to some nonsense about global warming or AIDS which will obviously be solved by nano-science and biomechanical augmentation as soon as the singularity happens which it obviously will.

As part of the exhibit, the "politicians" continued to debate and gradually people from our "undecided" area moved towards one candidate or another. Generally they moved in one direction only because one of the candidates was saying some pretty bizarre things, which I was later informed was commentary of some sort. Eventually I was the only person left in the middle because neither candidate had mentioned any issue relevant to me for example the myriad problems with the casting of Ben Affleck as Bruce Wayne A.K.A. Batman. The so-called finale of the piece was that the undecided group i.e. me was doused in hot bull's urine from a bucket that was hidden above in a bit where no-one could see.

Everyone clapped and cheered, but in a way that seemed like they were cheering at me, not with me, especially as I was not cheering but trying to get the taste of bovine micturation out of my mouth.

On the way out I got dizzy and I had to lie down with my head on the curb, due to the hot studio lights. It definitely was not a panic attack, what ever anyone else says, because I know precisely what those feel like and I only ever have them when no-one is looking.