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dogmother1776
Apr 16, 2016

The book of Philippians: An extraterrestial child narrowly escapes the destruction of his home planet and is raised by farmers on Earth.

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misty mountaintop
Jun 2, 2015

by Hand Knit
The Rape of the Lock

That's not funny.

Smash it Smash hit
Dec 30, 2009

prettay, prettay

misty mountaintop posted:

The Rape of the Lock

That's not funny.

Good post pal! :allears:

Sandwolf
Jan 23, 2007

i'll be harpo


The Road: A 20-something nihilist drudges through life fighting apathy and ennui to live a middling life while struggling against the belief the world is gonna end "like in the next 30 years."

Nine of Eight
Apr 28, 2011


LICK IT OFF, AND PUT IT BACK IN
Dinosaur Gum
Crime And Punishment: A lurker doxxes an unpopular mod anonymously and tries to justify his crimes to himself. Features a weird interlude where he meets up with Aatrek but keeps quiet. Eventually he comes clean out of love for a girl that he once carried a printer for in a rambling and largely ignored banme.

Teriyaki Koinku
Nov 25, 2008

Bread! Bread! Bread!

Bread! BREAD! BREAD!
The Fall of the House of Usher: as written by Grover.

Jaguars!
Jul 31, 2012


Deliverance: Four aging twentysomethings get away from their wives on an urban exploration of a suburb full of foreclosed mansions. The weakest of them is raped by a former owner who claims that the upper case street sign means that his house is not subject to the laws of the US. The group takes revenge, using their handguns in a drive by shooting on the shed the householder is livng in. Luckily no one looks in the houses until a development company bulldozes the houses to make way for a campus built for the Apple corporation.

Crazyeyes
Nov 5, 2009

If I were human, I believe my response would be: 'go to hell'.
Twilight of the Idols a college student in a fedora constantly disrupts his Into to Philosophy course.

Crazyeyes
Nov 5, 2009

If I were human, I believe my response would be: 'go to hell'.
Going After Cacciato A soldier goes AWOL only to be quickly apprehended using GPS tracking of his smartphone. Is summarily executed.

Alternatively:

Soldier goes AWOL. Reappears years later and wishes to be called "Chelsea". Is put in prison and denied proper healthcare by malicious politicians.

nmgoh2
Feb 1, 2009
The Fountainhead: When nobody listens to your way of doing things, let them do it their way then blow it up.

Atlas Shrugged: When nobody listens to your ideas, take your toys and disappear.

Paladinus
Jan 11, 2014

heyHEYYYY!!!
War and Peace - just five billion emojis.

Testikles
Feb 22, 2009
A Thousand And One Arabian Nights:

Imprisoned in Syria, Caro spins one unbelievable tale after another so that his guards may keep him alive one more night until American officials can extradite him.

lenoon
Jan 7, 2010

Testikles posted:

A Thousand And One Arabian Nights:

Imprisoned in Syria, Caro spins one unbelievable tale after another so that his guards may keep him alive one more night until American officials can extradite him.


I choose to believe this is real

canyoneer
Sep 13, 2005


I only have canyoneyes for you
The Odyssey

After spending all day shopping for a minivan when it should have taken, like 2 hours tops, a devoted father returns home to find his rival living in his house

canyoneer
Sep 13, 2005


I only have canyoneyes for you
A Farewell To Arms

A man with a panther tattooed on his back ignores first-motorcycle buying advice from an internet forum.

canyoneer
Sep 13, 2005


I only have canyoneyes for you
The Lord of the Rings

An autistic teenager attempts to break the Sonic 2 non-TAS speed run record

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007
My Antonia

man spends years being nice to a girl only for her to end up happily married to another guy without ever giving him so much as a blowjob.

extra stout
Feb 24, 2005

ISILDUR's ERR
Ernest Goes to Cemetery

Ernest Hemingway drinks an eighty dollar bottle of scotch, makes a zany face and talks in a funny voice before shooting himself in the head

HappyKitty
Jul 11, 2005

Cyrano de Bergerac

An up-and-coming Magic The Gathering regional semi-pro player with a micropenis makes a sockpuppet OkCupid profile of a slightly more attractive Friday Night Magic regular in order to get nudes from the only girl at the tourney by exchanging deck-building strategies

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009
Titus Andronicus

Tamora, the wife of a former president and an influential politician in her own right runs for office. Her main opponent is Titus, a well known and beloved military veteran. The campaign gets a tad heated.

simplefish
Mar 28, 2011

So long, and thanks for all the fish gallbladdΣrs!


Blurry Gray Thing posted:

Titus Andronicus

Tamora, the wife of a former president and an influential politician in her own right runs for office. Her main opponent is Titus, a well known and beloved military veteran. The campaign gets a tad heated.

Titus Misogynus

Or Titus Misandronicus, depending on the how the "heated" works out

simplefish fucked around with this message at 13:11 on Oct 25, 2016

Smash it Smash hit
Dec 30, 2009

prettay, prettay

canyoneer posted:

A Farewell To Arms

A man with a panther tattooed on his back ignores first-motorcycle buying advice from an internet forum.

Paladinus
Jan 11, 2014

heyHEYYYY!!!

canyoneer posted:

A Farewell To Arms

A man with a panther tattooed on his back ignores first-motorcycle buying advice from an internet forum.

Alternatively, an addicted man seeks help on an internet forum called TCC.

CharlestonJew
Jul 7, 2011

Illegal Hen

canyoneer posted:

A Farewell To Arms

A man with a panther tattooed on his back ignores first-motorcycle buying advice from an internet forum.

HerraS
Apr 15, 2012

Looking professional when committing genocide is essential. This is mostly achieved by using a beret.

Olive drab colour ensures the genocider will remain hidden from his prey until it's too late for them to do anything.



Swastika Night

One man's harrowing journal of election day 2016 at the Republican campaign headquarters

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

Smash it Smash hit posted:

Grapes of Wrath: Doe eyed students are told college is the only step to success leading to thousands clamoring for the same non-existent jobs. Eager to be exploited when the positions do open up, only to vacate just as quick.

also the rent in cali is too loving high for transplants

Smash it Smash hit
Dec 30, 2009

prettay, prettay

Alan Smithee posted:

also the rent in cali is too loving high for transplants

Also no water lol what a poo poo hole

guidoanselmi
Feb 6, 2008

I thought my ideas were so clear. I wanted to make an honest post. No lies whatsoever.

Falkner's The Sound and the Fury:

Four vignettes about the descendants of George Bush Sr, with:

George W. Bush as Benjy the invalid
Jeb! Bush as Quentin, the tortured intellectual
Neil Bush as Jason, the rear end in a top hat

guidoanselmi
Feb 6, 2008

I thought my ideas were so clear. I wanted to make an honest post. No lies whatsoever.

Chesterton's The Man Who Was Thursday, with different undercover FBI agents trying to find the illusive Al-Sunday, suspected leader of an Islamic domestic terror ring

weak wrists big dick
Dec 18, 2012

good job. you are getting legitametly upset because I won't confrom to your secret internet cliques gross social standards. Sorry I don't like anime. Sorry I don't like being gross on the internet. Sorry that you are getting caremad.


your stupid shit internet argument is also only half true once I get probated, so checkmate anyways but nice try.

]
ULYSSES: A dude goes about his day, but in plain English this time because millennials are dumb or something?

A Raisin in the Sun: Exact same story, but a vape shop instead of a liquor store.

Doctor J Off
Dec 28, 2005

There Is

guidoanselmi posted:

Falkner's The Sound and the Fury:

Four vignettes about the descendants of George Bush Sr, with:

George W. Bush as Benjy the invalid
Jeb! Bush as Quentin, the tortured intellectual
Neil Bush as Jason, the rear end in a top hat

Lol.

The Unvanquished

A group of ISIS militants tries to hold off the armies seeking to take over the territories they hold. ISIS is in trouble when one young man reconsiders a life of violence and war, and goes unarmed to meet the Americans. He is immediately shot to death a hundred feet away from the gates of their compound as soon as he is seen.

Brutal Garcon
Nov 2, 2014



Logan's Run: yet another hot take on how "millennials" will be the death of civilisation.

Hogge Wild
Aug 21, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Pillbug

canyoneer posted:

A Farewell To Arms

A man with a panther tattooed on his back ignores first-motorcycle buying advice from an internet forum.

funkybottoms
Oct 28, 2010

Funky Bottoms is a land man
Ivanhoe

Gamergate SJW recruits Bernie Sanders to help win a CNN opinion poll


The Call of the Wild

upper-middle class college dropout finds authenticity by train-hopping with his pit bull rescue

Nine of Eight
Apr 28, 2011


LICK IT OFF, AND PUT IT BACK IN
Dinosaur Gum
The Hunchback of Notre Dame: The story of an overweight goon who is creeping on an African American girl who briefly acknowledged him in Anthropology class, the goon's abusive stepfather who is a cop and posts on freep who saw her at the grocery store and can't get her out of her head, and his younger subordinate who is also a pick up artist and trying to neg her at the club.

Crazyeyes
Nov 5, 2009

If I were human, I believe my response would be: 'go to hell'.
Watership Down A young screenwriter, foreseeing the oncoming gentrification, and associated culture death of his neighborhood in Brooklyn, recruits a group of scrappy friends to journey out from their ancestral home. With only their philosophy majors and MacBook Pros to guide them, they set out to seek a new cultural Mecca in the west. Persued by their vengeful elders seeking rent reimbursement and student loan debt collectors, they flee over hill and dale until finally arriving battered and bruised in San Francisco, only to find ruin and dispair awaiting them.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001

Passion’s Wrench
The Tale of Genji
"Ryujin no ken o kurae!"

Son of Rodney
Feb 22, 2006

ohmygodohmygodohmygod

Catcher in the rye "No YOU shut the gently caress up, dad!"

EoinCannon
Aug 29, 2008

Grimey Drawer
Factotum A man goes from one unpaid internship to the next until he dies of starvation

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Analytic Engine
May 18, 2009

not the analytical engine

EoinCannon posted:

Factotum A man goes from one unpaid internship to the next until he dies of starvation

The 2005 movie had him stealing cigarettes from unlocked cars since since they're so much more expensive now

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