Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

Condiv posted:

You ever seen dragon ball z? Accepting Jesus into your heart is like going super Aryan irl

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

E-Tank
Aug 4, 2011
Don't forget the movie adaptation of Dark Dungeons. Which I swear to god knows how stupid the premise is and is taking the piss out of the entire thing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=subQrEPKytA (warning: JonTron. He's a guilty pleasure of mine)

For instance it's not satan that's controlling everything! It's Cthulu!

The 'Cool kids' are the 'RPGers' and everybody thinks they're so awesome and cool and wanna be part of their clique. :psyduck:

Lurdiak
Feb 26, 2006

I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do.


E-Tank posted:

Don't forget the movie adaptation of Dark Donjons. Which I swear to god knows how stupid the premise is and is taking the piss out of the entire thing.

Gee, you think?

SomeMathGuy
Oct 4, 2014

The people were ASTONISHED at his doctrine.

"Look, just because Zombie Orpheus mostly makes videos about DnD jokes, and it debuted at GenCon, doesn't mean it's automatically a satire." - Someone, probably.

E-Tank
Aug 4, 2011

Lurdiak posted:

Gee, you think?

I mean it's also just entirely possible that I'm an idiot too. :psyduck:

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...
I think it's obvious it's tongue in cheek evene having not seen it

now the question is whether or not it's worth a watch or is it "hurrr I hate monkey cheese"

Bicyclops
Aug 27, 2004

Yeah, like, campy movies are generally funnier when the people making them think they're making something dreadfully serious.

The reviews for Dark Dungeons do say that it's strengths are that the actors play it completely straight in the spirit of the original comic, but, not having seen it, I cannot judge for myself. If they pull that off, without winking at the camera too much, I'd actually be really impressed.

Lurdiak
Feb 26, 2006

I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do.


Bicyclops posted:

Yeah, like, campy movies are generally funnier when the people making them think they're making something dreadfully serious.

The reviews for Dark Donjons do say that it's strengths are that the actors play it completely straight in the spirit of the original comic, but, not having seen it, I cannot judge for myself. If they pull that off, without winking at the camera too much, I'd actually be really impressed.

That's horse apples. They're all completely overacting and while nobody goes so far as to mug for the camera, they all sound like Chandler whenever they deliver any dramatic lines. That poo poo ain't no Lost Skeleton of Cadavra.

Ambitious Spider
Feb 13, 2012



Lipstick Apathy
How does dark dungeons compare to mazes and monsters?

RuanGacho
Jun 20, 2002

"You're gunna break it!"

How is this not posted yet:

https://thenib.com/jack-chick-goes-to-heaven?t=recent



By Bors.

RuanGacho fucked around with this message at 17:48 on Oct 30, 2016

Bicyclops
Aug 27, 2004

Lurdiak posted:

That's horse apples. They're all completely overacting and while nobody goes so far as to mug for the camera, they all sound like Chandler whenever they deliver any dramatic lines. That poo poo ain't no Lost Skeleton of Cadavra.

I would believe that and think that it is most likely, but not having seen it (and probably never devoting my time to it), I cannot claim to know it for sure.

PenguinKnight
Apr 6, 2009

Rush Limbo posted:

God is kind of a wimp if a witch can gently caress up his divine plan and override his infinite love and compassion with a cheap curse on a piece of candy.

yeah! how much evil can honestly fit in one fun sized snickers bar? it's gotta at least be one of those 2-in-1s or one of those ginormous bars you can get for Christmas, and no one's gonna give those out! :cmon:

Crunch Buttsteak
Feb 26, 2007

You think reality is a circle of salt around my brain keeping witches out?
Has anyone else looked into the sources and citations in Chick tracts? Hoo boy, there's some good stuff in there.

Most of his anti-witchcraft and more conspiracy-leaning stuff is from Bill Schnoebelen, one of those obviously-lying "ex-Satanists" that were popular in the 80's and early 90's. He claimed that he was a high-ranking Satanic priest, a grandmaster Druid, a Wiccan high priest, a Knight Templar, a 90th degree Mason, a Gnostic bishop, a vampire, and a Mormon, all within about a 4 year period. He was a Catholic priest all throughout this, because the Catholic Church is secretly the source of all of these thungs. Oh, and he hosed a fallen angel once.

I'm not sure which scenario I like better: either Jack Chick bought all of that bullshit hook, line, and sinker, or he knew it was bullshit, but he hated Catholics SO MUCH that he pushed it anyway.

Guavanaut
Nov 27, 2009

Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998



Toilet Rascal

Crunch Buttsteak posted:

Oh, and he hosed a fallen angel once.
How would one get in on this without having to attend seminary? Hypothetically.

Crunch Buttsteak posted:

a 90th degree Mason
They wear a ring with a combination square on it.

Nckdictator
Sep 8, 2006
Just..someone
Chick's full length comics were even crazier then the tracts.












Also, Jack Chick has a unique interpretation of the American Civil War. The Confederacy was secretly a Satanist/Catholic theocracy He gets points for creativity at-least.







Hobologist
May 4, 2007

We'll have one entire section labelled "for degenerates"
So, Jack Chick though Protestants predate Catholics, or what?

Guavanaut
Nov 27, 2009

Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998



Toilet Rascal
The Early Church was the Best Church and then Satan told the Roman Emperor to create a rival to pervert the True Church and that's where the Roman Church came from until brave Protestants tried to reform it in the Reformation and created churches that are almost as good as the Early Church like the one I go to and none other.

(What many KJV fundamentalists actually believe)

Spangly A
May 14, 2009

God help you if ever you're caught on these shores

A man's ambition must indeed be small
To write his name upon a shithouse wall

Guavanaut posted:

The Early Church was the Best Church and then Satan told the Roman Emperor to create a rival to pervert the True Church and that's where the Roman Church came from until brave Protestants tried to reform it in the Reformation and created churches that are almost as good as the Early Church like the one I go to and none other.

(What many KJV fundamentalists actually believe)

I wish jack chick had written about the cathars

Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012

RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
:blizz::gamefreak:

Hobologist posted:

So, Jack Chick though Protestants predate Catholics, or what?

I can't remember the exact name of it. But he came from a sect that believes that the baptists were actually founded by a sect of Montanists that had been evading persecution by the RCC for 1500 years, which gives them more legitimacy than the RCC and also makes them "right".

He also believed that only the first translation of the KJV Bible counted because you can only translate something out of latin once and you always get it right the first time and anything after that is the RCC trying to edit things to make them sound better.

Crunch Buttsteak
Feb 26, 2007

You think reality is a circle of salt around my brain keeping witches out?
Yeah, if I recall correctly, Jack Chick is a Independent Fundamentalist Baptist. It's a sect of Christianity that doesn't like calling itself Protestant, because Protestants are an offshoot of the Catholics, and Catholics are pure evil. Like, I cannot stress how much these people hate Catholics.

In order to do this, they created an alternate history where TRUE Christianity stayed underground until fairly recently, and every church besides these hidden Shadow Churches has been doing it wrong for these past two millenia. However, they're also King James Only believers, so they simultaneously believe that they represent the true beliefs of the early church, but also, the true word of God was only given to us in the year 1611.

In reality, Independent Baptist churches are a trend that just started a few decades ago, when a bunch of ultra-conservative pastors left the Southern Baptist Convention because they thought it was too liberal and effeminate. But if you ask them, True Baptists were behind everything good that has ever happened, and everything bad in history is because those crafty Jesuits. For example, the American Revolution wasn't about taxes or independence, it was the True Baptist army of the Lord fighting off Catholic influence!

Really, Jack Chick can be seen as the ultimate example of Independent Baptist practice and beliefs. He expressed it through funny-looking cartoons instead of screaming it from a street corner, sure, but his beliefs essentially mirror "shock jock" pastors like Steven Anderson and Jason Cooley.

Twelve by Pies
May 4, 2012

Again a very likpatous story

Kurieg posted:

He also believed that only the first translation of the KJV Bible counted because you can only translate something out of latin once and you always get it right the first time and anything after that is the RCC trying to edit things to make them sound better.

This is not actually the reason why he was KJV only. The reason he was KJV only is a little more involved.

At the time the KJV was written, a lot of bibles used texts called the Textus Receptus for the basis of their translation. However, older manuscripts have been discovered, called the Alexandrian texts, and most current bible translations use these older texts. Now the problem is, the older texts and the Textus Receptus don't agree with each other, there are different wordings and phrases, and some passages don't appear in one or the other.

Now, most people would assume that the older manuscripts, being older, are more faithful to the original texts, and that's why they're used. Chick, however, had a different point of view. According to his theology, God said that he would preserve and keep his word. Since Chick was big on conspiracy theories (especially involving the Catholics) and thinks that the Alexandrian texts are corruptions by Satan (since they have different wordings of verses or lack verses he thinks are vital to the identity/nature of God), we get his reasoning for the newer manuscripts being more faithful. The newer manuscripts were secretly hidden by true Christians to preserve God's word. The Catholic Church, however, worked hard to corrupt God's word, and since they were so big and powerful, their older manuscripts became more widespread. This is how the older copies are actually not faithful to the originals.

There's a tract about it, filled with hilarious incorrect information. http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0031/0031_01.asp

Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012

RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
:blizz::gamefreak:
My favorite dumb Chick tract is Flight 144 Which states that most actual missionary work is evil, and all you should do is tell people to worship Jesus and don't improve their lives at all so that they can die and go to heaven ASAP.


Twelve by Pies posted:

This is not actually the reason why he was KJV only. The reason he was KJV only is a little more involved.

At the time the KJV was written, a lot of bibles used texts called the Textus Receptus for the basis of their translation. However, older manuscripts have been discovered, called the Alexandrian texts, and most current bible translations use these older texts. Now the problem is, the older texts and the Textus Receptus don't agree with each other, there are different wordings and phrases, and some passages don't appear in one or the other.

Now, most people would assume that the older manuscripts, being older, are more faithful to the original texts, and that's why they're used. Chick, however, had a different point of view. According to his theology, God said that he would preserve and keep his word. Since Chick was big on conspiracy theories (especially involving the Catholics) and thinks that the Alexandrian texts are corruptions by Satan (since they have different wordings of verses or lack verses he thinks are vital to the identity/nature of God), we get his reasoning for the newer manuscripts being more faithful. The newer manuscripts were secretly hidden by true Christians to preserve God's word. The Catholic Church, however, worked hard to corrupt God's word, and since they were so big and powerful, their older manuscripts became more widespread. This is how the older copies are actually not faithful to the originals.

:allears: I'm not sure which of his insane conspiracy theories is better, the devil planting ancient evil bible verses that weren't translated by KJV for some inscrutable reason or the Christian Ninjas that evaded capture long enough to found the baptist church.

Probably the Ninjas.

BooDoug187
Apr 8, 2005

Don't you fear the yetis in Rio?
Some reason this reminded me of like a selection menu on an old version of Civilization.

RagnarokAngel
Oct 5, 2006

Black Magic Extraordinaire
Or Street Fighter II.

DACK FAYDEN
Feb 25, 2013

Bear Witness
Every time I see that I initially think the Jesuit is also the Satanist, but they're clearly holding different daggers if you put way too much effort into squinting at what little you can see of the hilt of the Satanist's.

RagnarokAngel
Oct 5, 2006

Black Magic Extraordinaire
It's jack chick, they probably are the same.

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Im glad my instant dislike in you has been validated again and again.

BooDoug187 posted:

Some reason this reminded me of like a selection menu on an old version of Civilization.



Crunch Buttsteak posted:

Has anyone else looked into the sources and citations in Chick tracts? Hoo boy, there's some good stuff in there.

Most of his anti-witchcraft and more conspiracy-leaning stuff is from Bill Schnoebelen, one of those obviously-lying "ex-Satanists" that were popular in the 80's and early 90's. He claimed that he was a high-ranking Satanic priest, a grandmaster Druid, a Wiccan high priest, a Knight Templar, a 90th degree Mason, a Gnostic bishop, a vampire, and a Mormon, all within about a 4 year period. He was a Catholic priest all throughout this, because the Catholic Church is secretly the source of all of these thungs. Oh, and he hosed a fallen angel once.

I'm not sure which scenario I like better: either Jack Chick bought all of that bullshit hook, line, and sinker, or he knew it was bullshit, but he hated Catholics SO MUCH that he pushed it anyway.

How the gently caress did this dumb jackoff believe any of this poo poo. does he know all people Schnoebelen and Alberto Rivera are just shithead con men and he just wants his bullshit to be true so hard that he ignoirs it or was he just genuily that stupid.

Power Walrus
Dec 24, 2003

Fun Shoe

BooDoug187 posted:

Some reason this reminded me of like a selection menu on an old version of Civilization.



Like most of Chick's villains, the Jesuits look rad as gently caress.

Twelve by Pies
May 4, 2012

Again a very likpatous story

Dapper_Swindler posted:

How the gently caress did this dumb jackoff believe any of this poo poo. does he know all people Schnoebelen and Alberto Rivera are just shithead con men and he just wants his bullshit to be true so hard that he ignoirs it or was he just genuily that stupid.

A real Christian would never lie. Since Alberto Rivera accepted Jesus in the correct way that Jack Chick approved of, that meant he was a real Christian and thus everything he said was completely true. So yeah, he was just genuinely that stupid. Since Chick really hated Catholicism, he was eager to buy into a dumbass conspiracy theory that they're the cause of every evil thing in the world.

ToxicSlurpee
Nov 5, 2003

-=SEND HELP=-


Pillbug

Twelve by Pies posted:

A real Christian would never lie. Since Alberto Rivera accepted Jesus in the correct way that Jack Chick approved of, that meant he was a real Christian and thus everything he said was completely true. So yeah, he was just genuinely that stupid. Since Chick really hated Catholicism, he was eager to buy into a dumbass conspiracy theory that they're the cause of every evil thing in the world.

Jack Chick is basically Confirmation Bias: the Human.

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Im glad my instant dislike in you has been validated again and again.

Twelve by Pies posted:

A real Christian would never lie. Since Alberto Rivera accepted Jesus in the correct way that Jack Chick approved of, that meant he was a real Christian and thus everything he said was completely true. So yeah, he was just genuinely that stupid. Since Chick really hated Catholicism, he was eager to buy into a dumbass conspiracy theory that they're the cause of every evil thing in the world.

indeed. jack chick reminds me alot of Kevin Swanson, who is probably the most bug gently caress crazy of the current crop of evangelicals.

http://www.rightwingwatch.org/people/kevin-swanson/

Nebakenezzer
Sep 13, 2005

The Mote in God's Eye

Power Walrus posted:

Like most of Chick's villains, the Jesuits look rad as gently caress.

I'm university educated! HISSSSSSSSS

Guilty Spork
Feb 26, 2011

Thunder rolled. It rolled a six.

BooDoug187 posted:

Some reason this reminded me of like a selection menu on an old version of Civilization.


Another obnoxious Christian proseletyzer is Ray Comfort (a.k.a. the Banana Man). Ray is such a presuppositionalist that he wrote an article comparing various world religions, and concluding that Christianity is the best choice because the likes of Buddhism won't keep you out of hell.

In contrast, Jack Chick was simply convinced that every religious position other than his particular kind of Christianity was straight from Satan.

A big flaming stink
Apr 26, 2010
Why do Jesuits get a special (rad) appearance outside of Catholics?

OwlFancier
Aug 22, 2013

Probably because Jesuits are substantially cooler than the rest of Catholicism so they're turbo evil to Chick.

DACK FAYDEN
Feb 25, 2013

Bear Witness

A big flaming stink posted:

Why do Jesuits get a special (rad) appearance outside of Catholics?
Catholics serve the White Pope, Jesuits serve the secret Black Pope.

Duh.

Crunch Buttsteak
Feb 26, 2007

You think reality is a circle of salt around my brain keeping witches out?
To understand Jack Chick's worldview, just take the plot of the Assassin's Creed games, and then replace "Assassin" with "True Baptist Christian" and "Templar" with "Catholic Jesuit scum".

Like, I'm not even joking, that's seriously how they look at history and the world around them.

Slow-Scan Shep
Jul 11, 2001

Kro-Bar posted:

Yeah, I believe that's him.

Here are a few more recent photos of Mr. Chick.





I guess it's official: There are more photos of Jack Chick than of Bill Watterson.

(For a while though, the only picture of Chick anyone could find was a yearbook photo.)

Guavanaut
Nov 27, 2009

Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998



Toilet Rascal

A big flaming stink posted:

Why do Jesuits get a special (rad) appearance outside of Catholics?
They're directly responsible for earthquakes, in the same way that gay men do floods.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

muscles like this!
Jan 17, 2005


A big flaming stink posted:

Why do Jesuits get a special (rad) appearance outside of Catholics?

As previously mentioned Chick already disliked Catholics due to his version of Christianity, which meant when a conman named Alberto Rivera started making the circuit in the 70s he was predisposed to take him at his word. Rivera was running around giving all the talking points that Chick would use in his Jesuits tracts. Making claims about how he was a secret Bishop in the Jesuits and that they were behind the scenes of everything bad in the world. The thing is, even in the 70s his claims were pretty easily disputed. Mostly because he made up lies about himself that were verifiable, like what country he was living in at the time.

  • Locked thread