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Henchman of Santa
Aug 21, 2010
After a not-very-long but extremely active offseason, the National Basketball Association is back!

Congratulations to the Cleveland Cavaliers on their first ever championship!


And to the Golden State Warriors for the most bitchmade free agency signing ever!


Good luck to the rest of the teams in the NBA on stopping either of these teams from making the Finals for the third year in a row.


A quick recap of what every other team did last year and their notable offseason moves

ATLANTIC DIVISION
Toronto Raptors: 56-26; lost in the conference finals. Lost Bismack Biyombo and signed Jared Sullinger.
Boston Celtics: 48-34; lost in first round. Signed Al Horford, drafted Jaylen Brown and lost Sullinger and Evan Turner.
New York Knicks: 32-50. Hired Jeff Hornacek. Traded Robin Lopez for Derrick Rose. Signed Joakim Noah and Brandon Jennings.
Brooklyn Nets: 21-61. Hired Kenny Atkinson. Lost Thaddeus Young and signed Jeremy Lin and Luis Scola.
Philadelphia 76ers: 10-72(!). Drafted Ben Simmons, brought over Dario Saric and cleared Joel Embiid to play.

SOUTHEAST DIVISION
Miami Heat: 48-34; lost in second round. Lost Dwyane Wade and won't clear Chris Bosh. Signed...Dion Waiters.
Atlanta Hawks: 48-34; lost in second round. Lost Al Horford and traded Jeff Teague. Signed Dwight Howard.
Charlotte Hornets: 48-34; lost in first round. Lost Jeremy Lin and Al Jefferson. Signed Roy Hibbert.
Washington Wizards: 41-41. Hired Scott Brooks. Lost Nene and Jared Dudley. Signed Ian Mahinmi, who got hurt.
Orlando Magic: 35-47: Hired Frank Vogel. Traded Victor Oladipo (among others) for Serge Ibaka. Signed Bismack Biyombo.

CENTRAL DIVISION
Cleveland Cavaliers: 57-25; won championship. Lost Timofey Mozgov and Matthew Dellavedova. Signed Mike Dunleavy Jr.
Indiana Pacers: 45-37; lost in first round. Fired Frank Vogel and promoted Nate McMillan. Traded George Hill for Jeff Teague. Signed Al Jefferson and Thaddeus Young.
Detroit Pistons: 44-38; lost in first round. Signed Jon Leuer and Ish Smith.
Chicago Bulls: 42-40. Traded Derrick Rose for Robin Lopez. Lost Joakim Noah. Signed Dwyane Wade and Rajon Rondo. Traded Tony Snell for Michael Carter-Williams.
Milwaukee Bucks: 33-49. Traded Michael Carter-Williams for Tony Snell. Signed Matthew Dellavedova and Mirza Teletovic.

SOUTHWEST DIVISION
San Antonio Spurs: 67-15; lost in second round. Tim Duncan retired. Signed Pau Gasol and David Lee.
Dallas Mavericks: 42-40; lost in first round. Lost Chandler Parsons. Signed Harrison Barnes and traded picks for Andrew Bogut.
Memphis Grizzlies: 42-40; lost in first round. Fired Dave Joerger and hired David Fizdale. Signed Chandler Parsons.
Houston Rockets: 41-41; lost in first round. Hired Mike D'Antoni. Lost Dwight Howard and Terrence Jones. Signed Eric Gordon and Ryan Anderson. Motiejunas is holding out.
New Orleans Pelicans: 30-52. Lost Eric Gordon and Ryan Anderson. Drafted Buddy Hield and signed Lance Stephenson, Terrence Jones, Solomon Hill, E'Twaun Moore and Langston Galloway. Bryce DeJean-Jones was killed :smith:

NORTHWEST DIVISION
Oklahoma City Thunder: 55-27; lost in conference finals. Lost Kevin Durant. Traded Serge Ibaka for Victor Oladipo and more.
Portland Trail Blazers: 44-38; lost in second round. Signed Festus Ezeli and Evan Turner.
Utah Jazz: 40-42. Traded for George Hill. Signed Joe Johnson.
Denver Nuggets: 33-49. Traded Joffrey Lauvergne and drafted Jamal Murray.
Minnesota Timberwolves: 29-53. Hired Tom Thibodeau. Drafted Kris Dunn. Kevin Garnett retired.

PACIFIC DIVISION
Golden State Warriors: 73-9. Blew a 3-1 lead in the NBA Finals. Lost Andrew Bogut and Harrison Barnes. Signed Zaza Pachulia, David West and JaVale McGee.
Los Angeles Clippers: 53-29; lost in first round. Signed Marreese Speights and Alan Anderson.
Sacramento Kings: 33-49. Hired Dave Joerger. Signed Ty Lawson and Arron Afflalo. Drafted a bunch of bigs.
Phoenix Suns: 23-59. Drafted Dragan Bender and Marquese Chriss. Signed Leandro Barbosa.
Los Angeles Lakers: 17-65. Hired Luke Walton. Kobe Bryant retired. Drafted Brandon Ingram and signed Luol Deng and Timofey Mozgov.


More in depth breakdowns here:
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3792813&perpage=40


The theme song of the NBA thread:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_h7Lm7C9Nk

Let's hoop it up!

Henchman of Santa fucked around with this message at 14:48 on Oct 25, 2016

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Metapod
Mar 18, 2012
Here on the ground floor to say parity is an illusion stop being a baby about it and enjoy watching basketball

straight up brolic
Jan 31, 2007

After all, I was nice in ball,
Came to practice weed scented
Report card like the speed limit

:homebrew::homebrew::homebrew:

Hello fellow posters I love you and just to piggy back on Metapod it would be great if some lurkers could inject some fresh blood into the thread. You all have unique viewpoints and we will love you too.

Henchman of Santa
Aug 21, 2010
Does anyone want to make a list of writers to follow and podcasts to listen to? I'll add them to the OP.

Lockback
Sep 3, 2006

All days are nights to see till I see thee; and nights bright days when dreams do show me thee.
That is a very good OP.

Real basketball starts today. I guess that is how I'll describe the Knicks.

Also, lurkers should post more. Even if its just kinda white noise, we're all black friends here.

Kibner
Oct 21, 2008

#1 Pelican Fan
For Pelicans moves, also add E'Twuan Moore, Soloman Hill, and Langston Galloway as signings, please. They all signed deals that are longer and more per-year than the minimum 1-year contracts Lance and Jones signed.

Good OP, though.

Kibner
Oct 21, 2008

#1 Pelican Fan

Henchman of Santa posted:

Does anyone want to make a list of writers to follow and podcasts to listen to? I'll add them to the OP.

Team specific or general league?

Henchman of Santa
Aug 21, 2010

Kibner posted:

Team specific or general league?

General league preferably but you can include team ones.

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

Take me to your Shida

As another new season dawns, it is time to dust off this classic

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOdsKyv2KzU

Adun
Apr 15, 2001

Publicola
Fun Shoe
In honor of the Knicks kicking off the season, the intro from the last time NY was this excited about the Knicks:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ul1bpyaegDc

straight up brolic
Jan 31, 2007

After all, I was nice in ball,
Came to practice weed scented
Report card like the speed limit

:homebrew::homebrew::homebrew:

Being nice to people is so so so important

https://twitter.com/yaphilme/status/790688794987139072

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

Take me to your Shida

Anthony Randolph jumped over a man in Spain

https://cdn-e1.streamable.com/video/mp4/yrzj.mp4?token=1478612914_49ff85e8e1f3c3cf2d16c85e030797ca1d733950

Mr. Mambold
Feb 13, 2011

Aha. Nice post.



Dejan's diss of Stan should be the new title: You reap what you sow you turtleneck wearing gently caress It may or may not apply to Durant and any other Warriors. Other than that, fine OP, Opie.
/
:dadjoke:

RCarr
Dec 24, 2007

I am very excite to watch my Knicks tonight

boxcarhobo
Jun 23, 2005

The hornets are going to win 44 games this season

I believe this is true in my mind

Vanilla Mint Ice
Jul 17, 2007

A raccoon is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits.
My lurker opinion is that Durant will have a MVP level performance but not win MVP due to narrative reasons

roundmidnight
Jul 9, 2010
Raptors are going to get swept in the Conference Finals again and be terrible for the first month because of injuries but BASKETBALL IS BACK

Lockback
Sep 3, 2006

All days are nights to see till I see thee; and nights bright days when dreams do show me thee.

IcePhoenix posted:

Anthony Randolph jumped over a man in Spain

*VIDEO*


Anthony Randolph would legit be an all-star or maybe even MVP-candidate type player if he didn't have maybe the lowest BBIQ of any human being I've ever seen.

straight up brolic
Jan 31, 2007

After all, I was nice in ball,
Came to practice weed scented
Report card like the speed limit

:homebrew::homebrew::homebrew:

Vanilla Mint Ice posted:

My lurker opinion is that Durant will have a MVP level performance but not win MVP due to narrative reasons
You're not even a lurker you freaking IMPOSTER

Sharparoni
Jan 11, 2004

THE MOST EXCITING MASCOT IN THE LAST 4000 YEARS OF COLLEGE SPORTS


The NBA is a cool league, my dudes, and even though the Warriors are going to go 96-0, we can all still enjoy random Jazz-Hornets games, probably. Please enjoy the Timberwolves

boxcarhobo
Jun 23, 2005

https://twitter.com/bdetrick/status/790920142028939264


im 28, 6' and white and have garbage handles but maybe...

Adun
Apr 15, 2001

Publicola
Fun Shoe

boxcarhobo posted:

https://twitter.com/bdetrick/status/790920142028939264


im 28, 6' and white and have garbage handles but maybe...

You might say that he ..... has a dream

Mr. Mambold
Feb 13, 2011

Aha. Nice post.




Jesus wept

edit

Vanilla Mint Ice posted:

My lurker opinion is that Durant will have a MVP level performance but not win MVP due to narrative reasons


The narrative I'm looking for is the Warriors are riddled with decimating injuries (not for negative reasons, Tae, it's for the good of the league)

tanglewood1420
Oct 28, 2010

The importance of this mission cannot be overemphasized
When will whoever it was that ran the preseason survey (sorry, can't remember which wonderful poster it was) release the results?

Redgrendel2001
Sep 1, 2006

you literally think a person saying their NBA team of choice being better than the fucking 76ers is a 'schtick'

a literal thing you think.

Adun posted:

You might say that he ..... has a dream

That took a second for me to get, but :golfclap:

Vanilla Mint Ice
Jul 17, 2007

A raccoon is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits.

straight up brolic posted:

You're not even a lurker you freaking IMPOSTER

Wow this lurker shaming, that was my first post in this thread and look what happened to me...

Redgrendel2001
Sep 1, 2006

you literally think a person saying their NBA team of choice being better than the fucking 76ers is a 'schtick'

a literal thing you think.

Also, to be fair to Freddette it's not as awkward a statement as it appears to be.

I think it's in response to this.

https://twitter.com/shamus_clancy/status/790906717546483713

LarksTongues
Mar 31, 2011
Lurker checking in for the first time, I've been following this thread for years. As a wizards fan is there any silver lining this year? Obviously Durant wasnt going to happen, but we are counting on beal to stay healthy for a whole year, our bench is atrocious, and I still cant believe we panic traded a 1st last year for Morris. Oh and Scotty Brooks...

Lockback
Sep 3, 2006

All days are nights to see till I see thee; and nights bright days when dreams do show me thee.
Apparently Gilbert Arena's is finally no longer getting an NBA paycheck.

Pron on VHS
Nov 14, 2005

Blood Clots
Sweat Dries
Bones Heal
Suck it Up and Keep Wrestling
TODAY IS THE DAY MUH BOYS

Bush Did Outer Heaven
Jan 18, 2005

The Sweetest Payne
gilbert arenas is a bad person, but I like him anyways.

Spoeank
Jul 16, 2003

That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it
I've never been so excited about a sports thing as I am for the Russell Westbrook scorched earth campaign

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

Take me to your Shida

tanglewood1420 posted:

When will whoever it was that ran the preseason survey (sorry, can't remember which wonderful poster it was) release the results?

ZogoBot usually releases it a month or so after it closes I think?

Lockback
Sep 3, 2006

All days are nights to see till I see thee; and nights bright days when dreams do show me thee.

LarksTongues posted:

Lurker checking in for the first time, I've been following this thread for years. As a wizards fan is there any silver lining this year? Obviously Durant wasnt going to happen, but we are counting on beal to stay healthy for a whole year, our bench is atrocious, and I still cant believe we panic traded a 1st last year for Morris. Oh and Scotty Brooks...

Wizards will be a pretty decent team for a while, I think they are better than their record last year. Now you're stuck in that "Need a Lucky Break" to get to the next level. It's not the worst place to be in, you'll be following a 45 win team that will make at least a little noise in the playoffs every year.

If they find a gem in the draft or make a smart signing they could be a 50 win team pretty quickly.

Henchman of Santa
Aug 21, 2010

LarksTongues posted:

Lurker checking in for the first time, I've been following this thread for years. As a wizards fan is there any silver lining this year? Obviously Durant wasnt going to happen, but we are counting on beal to stay healthy for a whole year, our bench is atrocious, and I still cant believe we panic traded a 1st last year for Morris. Oh and Scotty Brooks...

Your weird, mediocre roster can still get to the 7 or 8 seed in the East.

Time
Aug 1, 2011

It Was All A Dream
I'm really excited that the greatest thread on the forums is back and ready for ball

LarksTongues
Mar 31, 2011

Henchman of Santa posted:

Your weird, mediocre roster can still get to the 7 or 8 seed in the East.

I'm holding onto that hope, but Porter needs to step up in a big way. Also grunfeld is just the worst, and yet he survives every coaching turnover. When will we be free?

Boredumb
Mar 10, 2005

Henchman of Santa posted:

Does anyone want to make a list of writers to follow and podcasts to listen to? I'll add them to the OP.
These are just my personal opinions as a lurker on basketball podcasts:


I think I picked it up from these threads last year but I rather enjoy the Dunc'd On Basketball Podcast with Nate Duncan. They do league updates in addition to recaps of most games (though they have a slight Warriors bias).

The Lowe Post with Zach Lowe is pretty good most of the time when he talks about basketball.

I also listen to JJ Reddick's podcast The Vertical Podcast with JJ Reddick sometimes.

Lastly I can only listen to the Bill Simmons Podcast when he has Haralabos Voulgaris as a guest (which is rare).

Fast Luck
Feb 2, 1988

I like Oubre Junya but I think he's still a year or two away from his aggressive play actually being helpful to the team. I expected the Wizards to be one of the top 4 teams in the East last year and I know they dealt with some injuries, but my reluctant conclusion is that they're just not as good as I thought. Wall/Beal/Porter/Morris/Gortat seems good but I guess it's not really. Luckily my brother's Sixers superfandom rubbed off on me and I spurned the Wizards for them a couple years ago. Yes, the Sixers suck too but the process is so seductive...

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Shear Modulus
Jun 9, 2010



Can any Spurs fan who watched the preseason tell me what new players to get excited about

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