- misty mountaintop
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by Hand Knit
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If you call 911 and tell them you're having a Kentucky Mudslide they'll transfer you to an operator who knows about the secret special emergencies (Hurriquake, Firenami, Murder/Suicide etc)
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Oct 29, 2016 21:18
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 26, 2024 01:50
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- misty mountaintop
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by Hand Knit
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Op: Hello, this is 911, what's your emergency?
Me: I'd like to report a murder/suicide.
Op: ... OK, is it a murder or a suicide?
Me: It's both.
Op: I'm going to have to ask you to slow down, ma'am.
Me: First there was a murder, then the guy that did it committed suicide.
Op: You have to call twice for that.
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Oct 29, 2016 21:21
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- misty mountaintop
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by Hand Knit
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Me: hello 911 id like to report a crime
911: hello yes this is 911 what is the crime
Me: I had to pay $5 for a coke at the bar but a can of it only costs $1 at the vending machine across the street and the door person won't let me go and get a can and bring it in unopened they would rather me pay 5 times more for a cup that's roughly two thirds the size of the can, but not only that it is the fountain kind and I suspect it's not only watered down but they also put in enough ice to fill about half the cup so the amount of actual cola is in the cup is roughly equivalent to maybe at most a third of a can of coke - I would measure it out but I lack the proper equipment to accurately measure the amounts as, again, the door person would not let me bring in my backpack where I keep an assortment of tools and devices that allow me to measure things like the volume of actual cola I received in the beverage I paid $5 for at the bar tonight - so assuming that I'm paying for a third of a can of coke for $5 that makes the mark-up close to 15 times more which is in my opinion at least either very criminal in nature or at least very amoral and that I think it should be illegal to overcharge me that much for a cola just because I don't like how alcohol makes me feel and the only reason I'm here is because my roommate was concerned with the fact that I haven't left the house in several weeks and he thought I would enjoy spending some time out of the house which I am not at all I would much prefer to be at home so maybe you should arrest him as well for being very very wrong and putting me in this vulnerable position where I am not literally but very much in the spirit of being robbed by having to pay so much more for so little cola.
911: Hold tight, sir, we're sending someone as fast as we can
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Oct 30, 2016 16:16
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- misty mountaintop
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by Hand Knit
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Hello, 911 emergency, please hold
*hold music is public enemy's '911 is a joke'*
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Oct 30, 2016 16:58
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Oct 29, 2016 21:18
