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Hey man, just stumbled on the thread. Pulling for you and your wife. My wife and I are depressed, she can't work, both of us are in therapy and my workplace is toxic. Looking for a new job now.  But this is your thread not mine. I'm posting to tell you that you gotta take care of yourself, even if she gets mad or accuses you of being selfish. From the thread, I'm surmising you're kind of a pleaser (maybe I'm projecting here...). You also undercut yourself when someone tries to criticize her. I'm not saying you should abandon the relationship but remember the lifeguard rule (don't go down saving someone) if for no other reason than you're the one with the job, the source of your benefits and income. Is it possible you're not being super honest during couples therapy? Again this is something I did, and it hurt us both. I'd make excuses and keep my mouth shut during couples counseling (you know, the time when you're supposed to be honest and dealing with stuff) because she was so drat down I couldn't say a drat thing without feeling like I was piling on. Even though I was exhausted and overworked I wasn't asking for the help I needed until it became too much and spewed out as anger. I got my own therapist and kept going to couples, each once a week. It helps to have someone to talk to who is just there for you and you alone. At the time I felt angry as hell I had to give up more of my precious free time and money but gradually my hour a week sessions on my own helped me see what parts of my anger were irrational and which were justified, and how to voice them. I never even thought of myself as a caregiver for a dependent adult until my therapist told me. He helped me open up in a positive way and he also taught me to put my self-care before her's in ways that benefit the relationship. Not abandoning, not neglecting, just moving the line a little bit at a time so I had room to breathe. Something to think about. Good luck man, keep exercising! I should get back to the job hunt... BBQ Dave fucked around with this message at 01:06 on Oct 24, 2018 |
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Oct 24, 2018 01:03
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| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 20:45 |
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