this pencil on my desk is a PIECE of SHIT

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > this pencil on my desk is a PIECE of SHIT

this pencil?
	boo, this pencil! ^{^goku}
	yeah, this pencil!

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

think all pencils are created equal? think again retard!

submitted for your consideration, this pencil

doesn't look too bad, good length, sharpened. let's dig a little deeper.
berol? kinda cool name, good wiggly accent like in jalape�o, no problems there.
eagle? yeah, strong bird, good.
usa? well...kind of a lovely country, might be getting off track.
hb? 2? don't have anything against those numbers and letters per se

how about the sniff test, smell good like wood? like a pencil should?

no!!! doesn't!!!

smells bland like an idiot pencil!!

even worse, the eraser may look fine ,but it's hard as a stone! feels like it is just for show!

hmm strong words. how do you respond to these allegations mr. pencil?

lol can't erase the truth bitch

# ¿ Nov 22, 2016 22:12

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 16:37

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

i didn't buy this pencil. i can't stress that enough

# ¿ Nov 22, 2016 22:25

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

MrWillsauce posted:

I'm sorry I called you an idiot, op

i'm not an idiot, i never was

# ¿ Nov 22, 2016 22:32

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

this pen is made of bullets. what could you ever hope to accomplish here pencil?

# ¿ Nov 22, 2016 22:36

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

I love the smell of freshly sharpened pencils.

same, but this one doesn't smell like that. i hate it so much

# ¿ Nov 22, 2016 22:40

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:

op i never imagined you to look like a honky tonk caveman

ya well i do so get used to it

# ¿ Nov 22, 2016 23:07

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Hardawn posted:

can it shade tho? this is v impotent

no! look at the garbage job it did of trying to colour in this enormous paper 'a'. couldn't even stay inside the lines. maybe you should just get out of here pencil

# ¿ Nov 22, 2016 23:18

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

MrWillsauce posted:

you look like you got geordi laforge eyes at the end of star trek when he didn't wanna wear the visor anymore

# ¿ Nov 22, 2016 23:25

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Xtra Innings Lovin posted:

Nice meltdown OP. Is that you pictured in the OP, OP?

it's my stationary assistant

# ¿ Nov 22, 2016 23:26

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Enfield posted:

you should get a lot of pencils and bundle them together so it would be a bundle of sticks and put a nametag that says enfirld on it

hehe i just got this but i don't want to give these pencils the satisfaction of being part of something funny

# ¿ Nov 22, 2016 23:32

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Smash it Smash hit posted:

Don't want to come off as an insensitive prick op but have you considered Goin mechanical ?

like doin it with a robot? yeah

# ¿ Nov 22, 2016 23:32

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

hth posted:

# ¿ Nov 22, 2016 23:38

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

well looks like the pencil couldn't take being so lovely anymore. can't say i'll miss it

# ¿ Nov 22, 2016 23:51

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

criscodisco posted:

It's better that way

i agree. no one likes to see this happen but it was inevitable. best that his beautiful pencil wife can begin the healing process

# ¿ Nov 22, 2016 23:54

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

shoophobo posted:

yeah, I mean gently caress that pencil
I'm happy it's dead

we should all just move on with our lives and not look into the pencil's tragic suicide

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 00:01

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Ranma Fan Art posted:

jerry yo ure handsome

i drink alot of milk

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 00:03

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

ah, his lovely wife. this must be so hard for you. i'm always here if you need a shoulder to cry on

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 00:10

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

oh hey fellas. yeah it's a real shame about pencil. weird that he chose my office to do it, right? you guys weren't, uh close with him or anything....were you?

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 00:29

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Ranma Fan Art posted:

motherfucker still owed me ten bucks just selfish if you ask me

he had a lot of enemies. if anyone had reason to believe his death wasn't a suicide there'd be a lot of suspects.

it was definitely suicide though. there was a note

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 00:46

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Ranma Fan Art posted:

hope he did not make any mistakes lol

wow are you jann arden cause that was insensitive

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 01:01

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Ranma Fan Art posted:

no but I am Canadian like she is

me too let's form a government

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 01:03

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

just me you and jann

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 01:04

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

i love peiking duck

Carrion Luggage posted:

did you buy that haircut or that shirt?

i'm not the one on trial here

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 01:18

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

garfield hentai posted:

oh poo poo oh poo poo oh poo poo I hope I'm not too late it's a few pages in but PLEASE make sure you DON'T do this it is very unsafe! please be careful!

i was like 2 seconds away from doing it and posting a picture so thank you friend

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 04:31

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Ceciltron posted:

Gordon Lightfoot wants to be head of the ministry of Edmund Fitzgerald Wreck remembering.

re: this pencil, the fails of november came early

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 04:34

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Ceciltron posted:

The legend lives on from the 6th floor on down of the Pencil Knower they call Jerry Mumphrey.

whoa my office is on the 6th floor :tinfoil:

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 04:51

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

cnut posted:

This wouldn't have happened if you had a Pink Pearl, OP.

i'm a dude

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 16:09

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

morning! people in the office are a little shocked by pencil's suicide, but everyone seems to be coping ok.

someone was very happy that i came in early to make coffee and left me a little note

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 16:35

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Smash it Smash hit posted:

What did you do jerry?

i got in a little early and make coffee so the girls didn't have to. i'm a pretty nice guy irl

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 16:40

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Dr. Dogballs Jr. posted:

i just whipped a lovely pencil out the window and caused a car accident when the stiff as dick eraser punctured a van tire and sent it spinneing into a semi and two other cars theres loving oil all over godamit op

get one berol eagle pencil user on that jury and you'll walk out of there a free woman

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 17:06

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

got back from a meeting and checked this thread for updates when i found this. i'm not very good at office pranks, does anyone know what this means? :confused:

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 18:42

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

criscodisco posted:

Also goddamn is garfield hentai a great name

they said hentai in westworld and i learned that it's pronounced hen-tie not hen-tay and also i was reassured to know it will still be a thing in the future

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 18:44

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

social vegan posted:

jerry i care about ur well being and I'm willing to offer u an exclusive position as the 15th member of the PEN club, we can protect u

cool is there some kind of initiation ceremony?

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 18:47

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

social vegan posted:

heh yeah, u gotta write PEN and then ur position number after it with premanent marker on the back of ur hand heh heh

nice am i in now? where do i send my membership dues?

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 20:21

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

unpleasantly turgid posted:

i cant see that very well. can you write it with a marker? do you have a marker?

no sorry i only have the one pen that i brought from home. there are some markers here but i don't think i should use company stationery for personal things

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 20:36