\W/estworld group policy implementation plan

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DONT THREAD ON ME: Oct 1, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo; Floss Finder

i think west world is sorely lacking in cheevos. i would implement lots of achievements but they'd all be for doing things that save the park money. like 'Achievement: Did Not gently caress' and 'Achievement: The Diplomatic Option'

also some sort of self cleaning mode. those have got to be some gross vagina / penis / bholes

# ? Nov 29, 2016 14:17

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# ? Apr 27, 2024 19:02

indigi: Jul 20, 2004; ^{how can we not talk about family

when family's all that we got?}

I would have assumed they were programmed to head to the WC to wash up after a throw, but based on how every other maintenance system lacks quality control I suppose I wouldn't be shocked to find out they just marinate.

# ? Nov 29, 2016 14:19

DONT THREAD ON ME: Oct 1, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo; Floss Finder

indigi posted:

I would have assumed they were programmed to head to the WC to wash up after a throw, but based on how every other maintenance system lacks quality control I suppose I wouldn't be shocked to find out they just marinate.

yeah.

also this show is pretty good, even if it's really dumb

# ? Nov 29, 2016 14:21

Cocoa Crispies: Jul 20, 2001; Vehicular Manslaughter!; Pillbug

MEMORANDUM
TO: PHYSICAL MAINTENANCE EMPLOYEES

Effective December 1, 2219, the room that we keep dormant, damaged hosts in slouched against the bloody glass walls with a huge mess everywhere will have opaque walls installed.

# ? Nov 29, 2016 14:30

Fabricated: Apr 9, 2007; Living the Dream

did someone say "i'll start the wiki" yet

# ? Nov 29, 2016 14:36

a_pineapple: Dec 23, 2005

do you guys know if the bots' firmware can report its asset id back to the dc? if it does, we can easily automate inventory tracking. (the helpdeskers told me they reeeeaaaaallllyy don't want to put it all in manually)

# ? Nov 29, 2016 15:19

indigi: Jul 20, 2004; ^{how can we not talk about family

when family's all that we got?}

here's another issue the security team would like resolved: at the moment there's only two ways to subdue a host in the field: tell it to stop, or fill it with holes/bash its head in until it stops. this seems really stupid. it's the Old West - what if a loud train is going by and it can't hear me? what if it's in the middle of a gunfight? what if its ears are full of bugs or something?

we should have guns that shoot sticky little RFID chips that, once detected by their system, shuts everything down. there should be no hoping that the host's build isn't corrupted, no praying that some update hasn't removed my voice's admin privileges, just a hardwired, no bullshit shutdown. I mean what the gently caress, what's going maintain our guests' immersion better: a gunshot dropping the host, or a specific passphrase causing it to freeze like a statue?

plus, I'm sure the rebuild techs would appreciate us not destroying a fully functioning body just because of some software bug.

# ? Nov 29, 2016 15:30

Cocoa Crispies: Jul 20, 2001; Vehicular Manslaughter!; Pillbug

indigi posted:

here's another issue the security team would like resolved: at the moment there's only two ways to subdue a host in the field: tell it to stop, or fill it with holes/bash its head in until it stops. this seems really stupid. it's the Old West - what if a loud train is going by and it can't hear me? what if it's in the middle of a gunfight? what if its ears are full of bugs or something?

we should have guns that shoot sticky little RFID chips that, once detected by their system, shuts everything down. there should be no hoping that the host's build isn't corrupted, no praying that some update hasn't removed my voice's admin privileges, just a hardwired, no bullshit shutdown. I mean what the gently caress, what's going maintain our guests' immersion better: a gunshot dropping the host, or a specific passphrase causing it to freeze like a statue?

plus, I'm sure the rebuild techs would appreciate us not destroying a fully functioning body just because of some software bug.

i just checked with the accounting and acquisitions teams and we were able to source some net guns, hth

# ? Nov 29, 2016 16:06

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

Cocoa Crispies posted:

MEMORANDUM
TO: PHYSICAL MAINTENANCE EMPLOYEES

Effective December 1, 2219, the room that we keep dormant, damaged hosts in slouched against the bloody glass walls with a huge mess everywhere will have opaque walls installed.

about loving time. the blood bath room is disgusting and terrifying.

while we're at it, I get the whole open environment idea with the glass everywhere, but honestly having people and hosts staring at you all day from the hallway or the next office is very distracting. I'm trying to write some code and in the office next to me some guy gets shot or a naked lady host is doing some exercises. and then a horse walks down the hall. and some meetings have information that not everyone is disclosed on so you basically can't use the whiteboards because everyone outside can read them. it's time we got some real walls.

# ? Nov 29, 2016 16:30

Cocoa Crispies: Jul 20, 2001; Vehicular Manslaughter!; Pillbug

without a budget change we'll have to downgrade the behavior tablets to $30 android tablets with resistive screens so we can afford http://amzn.to/2gEPVFs

# ? Nov 29, 2016 16:44

Mad Wack: Mar 27, 2008; "The faster you use your cooldowns, the faster you can use them again"

we should look at getting some badge doors throughout the facility, just yesterday i saw a body shop tech taking a host on a date through behavior!!!

# ? Nov 29, 2016 19:25

Mad Wack: Mar 27, 2008; "The faster you use your cooldowns, the faster you can use them again"

also, since we are on this cool mesa why aren't we taking advantage of zipline technology to deploy to areas rapidly?

# ? Nov 29, 2016 19:25

Shaggar: Apr 26, 2006

Wells posted:

Team, I understand it's a funny joke on that website you all visit, but please do NOT gently caress and cum in the computers during your shifts.

# ? Nov 29, 2016 19:39

atomicthumbs: Dec 26, 2010; We're in the business of extending man's senses.

MALE SHOEGAZE posted:

i think west world is sorely lacking in cheevos. i would implement lots of achievements but they'd all be for doing things that save the park money. like 'Achievement: Did Not gently caress' and 'Achievement: The Diplomatic Option'

also some sort of self cleaning mode. those have got to be some gross vagina / penis / bholes

Bug report: automatic orifice inversion system goes off at rigidly defined intervals, leading to guest dissatisfaction

Fix: disable cron job and trigger manually for cleaning

Severity: critical

# ? Nov 29, 2016 19:58

THE BIG DOG DADDY: Oct 16, 2013; Rasheed was, with Aliases, the top 7 PvPers in Bone Krew.

No one talks about this.

well, i think we could make some imporvements with UX. can we program them to not kill the user?

# ? Nov 29, 2016 20:14

atomicthumbs: Dec 26, 2010; We're in the business of extending man's senses.

YA BOY ETHAN COUCH posted:

well, i think we could make some imporvements with UX. can we program them to not kill the user?

I think it's a higher priority to keep them from everting their mouths while talking to users. We've been getting more complaints about that, not to mention the genital systems going off every hour on the hour.

# ? Nov 29, 2016 20:39

maniacdevnull: Apr 18, 2007; FOUR CUBIC FRAMES
DISPROVES SOFT G GOD
YOU ARE EDUCATED STUPID

Wells posted:

Team, I understand it's a funny joke on that website you all visit, but please do NOT gently caress and cum in the computers during your shifts.

# ? Nov 30, 2016 01:01

Agile Vector: May 21, 2007; scrum bored

Fabricated posted:

did someone say "i'll start the wiki" yet

ill start the www

(westworld wiki)

The Management posted:

about loving time. the blood bath room is disgusting and terrifying.

while we're at it, I get the whole open environment idea with the glass everywhere, but honestly having people and hosts staring at you all day from the hallway or the next office is very distracting. I'm trying to write some code and in the office next to me some guy gets shot or a naked lady host is doing some exercises. and then a horse walks down the hall. and some meetings have information that not everyone is disclosed on so you basically can't use the whiteboards because everyone outside can read them. it's time we got some real walls.

look, the open orifice design has been shown to be conducive to both host conditioning and the leaking of tantalizing details. if you dont find it comfortable to work in you can always transfer to archives

# ? Nov 30, 2016 01:39

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

to: whoever programmed this stupid loving bird to come and take a robo-poo poo in my coffee every morning

if i find you, i will put you on orgy cleanup detail for the rest of the year

also good job disabling its override protocols. now i have to get a synthetic cat or something

# ? Nov 30, 2016 02:16

DONT THREAD ON ME: Oct 1, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo; Floss Finder

subject: 1 day left to vote

gents:

Just a friendly reminder that there's only 1 day left to vote on which ww employee will be recreated and hidden in the quarter 4 storyline. Remember that these opportunities don't present themselves often, so make it count; I don't want to see any more votes for that hambeast in accounting. I'm not afraid to veto.

Don't forget to give our guy in design a big thank you for making this possible AND FOR THE LOVE OF gently caress, KEEP THIS QUIET.

# ? Nov 30, 2016 02:57

incoherent: Apr 24, 2004; 01010100011010000111001
00110100101101100011011
000110010101110010

code:


 _____   _____   _       _____   _____        _   __   _   _____   _____   _____    _____   _____   _____        ___   _____   _____   _____  
|  _  \ | ____| | |     /  _  \ /  ___/      | | |  \ | | /  ___| /  _  \ |  _  \  |  _  \ /  _  \ |  _  \      /   | |_   _| | ____| |  _  \ 
| | | | | |__   | |     | | | | | |___       | | |   \| | | |     | | | | | |_| |  | |_| | | | | | | |_| |     / /| |   | |   | |__   | | | | 
| | | | |  __|  | |     | | | | \___  \      | | | |\   | | |     | | | | |  _  /  |  ___/ | | | | |  _  /    / / | |   | |   |  __|  | | | | 
| |_| | | |___  | |___  | |_| |  ___| |      | | | | \  | | |___  | |_| | | | \ \  | |     | |_| | | | \ \   / /  | |   | |   | |___  | |_| | 
|_____/ |_____| |_____| \_____/ /_____/      |_| |_|  \_| \_____| \_____/ |_|  \_\ |_|     \_____/ |_|  \_\ /_/   |_|   |_|   |_____| |_____/ 
 _          __  _____   _____   _____   _          __  _____   _____    _       _____  
| |        / / | ____| /  ___/ |_   _| | |        / / /  _  \ |  _  \  | |     |  _  \ 
| |  __   / /  | |__   | |___    | |   | |  __   / /  | | | | | |_| |  | |     | | | | 
| | /  | / /   |  __|  \___  \   | |   | | /  | / /   | | | | |  _  /  | |     | | | | 
| |/   |/ /    | |___   ___| |   | |   | |/   |/ /    | |_| | | | \ \  | |___  | |_| | 
|___/|___/     |_____| /_____/   |_|   |___/|___/     \_____/ |_|  \_\ |_____| |_____/ 

TO: BEHAVIOR LAB AND DIAGNOSTICS 

RE: BUDDY SYSTEM

WHEN GOING INTO THE PARK MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A PARTNER WITH YOU. WE'VE HAD 30 YEARS WITHOUT A MAJOR INCIDENT AND TEAMWORK IS ESSENTIAL TO THE SAFETY OF YOU, GUESTS, AND HOSTS.

incoherent fucked around with this message at 05:35 on Nov 30, 2016

# ? Nov 30, 2016 03:23

jony ive aces: Jun 14, 2012; designer of the lomarf car; Buglord

i just saw an email from the IRS saying that the SSN for one of our employees, bernard lowe from programming, is invalid and they have no record of anyone by that name. i looked it up and they've been sending these regularly for the past three decades. what are we doing about this???

# ? Nov 30, 2016 09:03

Farmer Crack-Ass: Jan 2, 2001; this is me posting irl

forward that poo poo to HR, not our problem

# ? Nov 30, 2016 09:12

indigi: Jul 20, 2004; ^{how can we not talk about family

when family's all that we got?}

Farmer Crack-rear end posted:

forward that poo poo to HR, not our problem

honestly. if it was a big deal I'm sure we'd have had a visit from the G-men by now. they don't gently caress around with their money.

# ? Nov 30, 2016 13:02

Chris Knight: Jun 5, 2002; me @ ur posts; Fun Shoe

To whoever keeps adding "Note: may be a robot" to all the staff bios on the wiki, I will be giving time stamped copies to HR once I've tracked you down

# ? Nov 30, 2016 13:54

flakeloaf: Feb 26, 2003; Still better than android clock

Chris Knight posted:

To whoever keeps adding "Note: may be a robot" to all the staff bios on the wiki, I will be giving time stamped copies to HR once I've tracked you down

Someone's a little too touchy about being called a robot.

On that topic, where are we on the alternative method of distinguishing hosts from guests? The signs in bedrooms imploring guests not to voluntarily pee on the hosts can't get any bigger, and forced catheterization complaints are up another 4% over last quarter.

# ? Nov 30, 2016 14:44

Uncle Enzo: Apr 28, 2008; I always wanted to be a Wizard

suggestion:

isolate a small area of the park for beta testing. we put maybe 20-40 hosts in there full time that get all the patches that the ones in the park do, except they get them first. we have a group of people (note: we're going to need some real sickos) who do everything to the hosts that the guests do. after a week in beta, the patches can be rolled out to the rest of the park, incrementally. new narratives get tested here first.

this whole "throwing patches straight to production with no review or testing" thing has got to stop. we're only pretending to be the wild west, people.

# ? Nov 30, 2016 15:03

Chris Knight: Jun 5, 2002; me @ ur posts; Fun Shoe

blame recruiting: they're the ones who put up the ad for "cowboy coders"

# ? Nov 30, 2016 15:14

Munkeymon: Aug 14, 2003; Motherfucker's got an
armor-piercing crowbar! Rigoddamndicu𝜆ous.

Farmer Crack-rear end posted:

forward that poo poo to HR, not our problem

they just keep saying "this doesn't look like anything to me" loving layabouts need to start taking the chance of an audit seriously smh

# ? Nov 30, 2016 15:19

moist turtleneck: Jul 17, 2003; Represent.; Dinosaur Gum

Yes, we understand that Mongo from Blazing Saddles was cool and funny. No, we should not use MongoDB because of that

# ? Nov 30, 2016 15:33

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

I wrote a script to go through the hosts' previous memories and compress anything older than 30 days. this frees up a ton of storage space in their heads, and it also prevents them from accidentally accessing these old memories. the next step would be to archive these to the server, there's no reason these hosts should be walking around with 30 years of cruft in their brains. as soon as I get the go-ahead from the higher ups I'm going to deploy this.

# ? Nov 30, 2016 16:27

champagne posting: Apr 5, 2006; YOU ARE A BRAIN
IN A BUNKER

you should probably try it on the QA hosts before implementing it park-wide. Too bad we don't have a setup for that. *queue script being implemented, immediately archiving everything older than 30 seconds making the hosts essentially goldfish*

# ? Nov 30, 2016 17:05

Shaggar: Apr 26, 2006

wait, please make sure you're archiving the right ones. I think the current one is host_memoryNEW(2).bak.(prod 02-25-2139) - Copy.accdb

# ? Nov 30, 2016 17:08

Cocoa Crispies: Jul 20, 2001; Vehicular Manslaughter!; Pillbug

Chris Knight posted:

blame recruiting: they're the ones who put up the ad for "cowboy coders"

# ? Nov 30, 2016 17:10

indigi: Jul 20, 2004; ^{how can we not talk about family

when family's all that we got?}

has anyone from narrative looked over my Santa Claus escort quest proposal for the Christmastime event?

# ? Nov 30, 2016 17:13

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

Shaggar posted:

wait, please make sure you're archiving the right ones. I think the current one is host_memoryNEW(2).bak.(prod 02-25-2139) - Copy.accdb

ugh, it's like they didn't even read the memo about using big endian time stamp formats.

# ? Nov 30, 2016 17:15

flakeloaf: Feb 26, 2003; Still better than android clock

The Management posted:

ugh, it's like they didn't even read the memo about using big endian time stamp formats.

the whole point of this park was so grown adults could play cowboys and endians, how did we gently caress this up

# ? Nov 30, 2016 17:18

Uncle Enzo: Apr 28, 2008; I always wanted to be a Wizard

uhhh you guys know Jane, the new Behavior intern? she was assigned to review some of the old core code as an onboarding exercise and ummm

code:


while VoiceCommand.Interpret == TRUE:{
    if HumanName == 'RobertFord':{
        call BaseHostState.MurderMode.Enable()
        }
    }

this code uses the wrong brackets and indentation, how is anyone supposed to know what this does? we've talked about this, people

# ? Nov 30, 2016 17:25

Cocoa Crispies: Jul 20, 2001; Vehicular Manslaughter!; Pillbug

whoever keeps putting their F-150 in the "RESERVED: FORD" spot in the parking lot, please report to HR in the butcher shop "conference" room

# ? Nov 30, 2016 17:53

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 27, 2024 19:02

30 TO 50 FERAL HOG: Mar 2, 2005

Uncle Enzo posted:

uhhh you guys know Jane, the new Behavior intern? she was assigned to review some of the old core code as an onboarding exercise and ummm
code:
while VoiceCommand.Interpret == TRUE:{
    if HumanName == 'RobertFord':{
        call BaseHostState.MurderMode.Enable()
        }
    }
this code uses the wrong brackets and indentation, how is anyone supposed to know what this does? we've talked about this, people

lmao

# ? Nov 30, 2016 18:08

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