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FactsAreUseless

Opening the front door to find a woman without a shirt on delivering a brief message from a friend or loved one. She seems cold.

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FactsAreUseless

I keep telling my grandmother that women under 30 shouldn't get mammograms, but every birthday she sends one to my apartment!

FactsAreUseless

And who can possibly forget the famous "mammogram for Mongo" scene from Blazing Saddles?

FutonForensic

nothing beats the malignant taste of Nabisco Mammograhams


Android Blues

getting my titty squashed between two giant radioactive plates? why not just press it in the pages of a book, as one would a delicate desert rose

Android Blues

tfw when youre at the mammogram shop and the doctor needs to really pinch your boob to get it to go between the plates, and the lady in the leaflet has these huge honkers, and youre like "man, some people have all the luck at being squashed tits-wise between these huge radioactive plates"

Android Blues

Wanted: Mammogram Model for Leaflet Photography (MUST have huge honkers - therefore to demonstrate the power of the mammogram, and cohere to the patient its true threat)

Android Blues

when i see a mammogram machine squashing those huge honkers its like the feeling a cave woman probably got when she watched a pterodactyl pick up a mammoth and carry it away into the sky. awe - dread - and like, the pterodactyl is eating the mammoth before its even dead

Android Blues

titty doctor: You still don't understand what you're dealing with, do you? The perfect organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility.
me: I admire its purity. A titty squashing device … unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality.

Android Blues

I appreciate that the conceit is about a humorous mix-up with singing telegrams &c, but honestly, the mammogram machine is a lot more hilarious than that could ever be. Look at her face:

:nws:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Pw1Duz220Q#t=22s:nws:

FutonForensic

every day women are getting their bits smushed in a panini press and I'm just sitting here doing nothing. well no longer


FactsAreUseless

Android Blues posted:

getting my titty squashed between two giant radioactive plates? why not just press it in the pages of a book, as one would a delicate desert rose

Android Blues posted:

tfw when youre at the mammogram shop and the doctor needs to really pinch your boob to get it to go between the plates, and the lady in the leaflet has these huge honkers, and youre like "man, some people have all the luck at being squashed tits-wise between these huge radioactive plates"

Android Blues posted:

Wanted: Mammogram Model for Leaflet Photography (MUST have huge honkers - therefore to demonstrate the power of the mammogram, and cohere to the patient its true threat)

Android Blues posted:

when i see a mammogram machine squashing those huge honkers its like the feeling a cave woman probably got when she watched a pterodactyl pick up a mammoth and carry it away into the sky. awe - dread - and like, the pterodactyl is eating the mammoth before its even dead

Android Blues posted:

titty doctor: You still don't understand what you're dealing with, do you? The perfect organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility.
me: I admire its purity. A titty squashing device … unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality.

Android Blues posted:

I appreciate that the conceit is about a humorous mix-up with singing telegrams &c, but honestly, the mammogram machine is a lot more hilarious than that could ever be. Look at her face:

:nws:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Pw1Duz220Q#t=22s:nws:

Barking Gecko

Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."
If my mammogram is delivered by a woman named Angie, would that make it an angiogram?

alnilam

FactsAreUseless posted:

And who can possibly forget the famous "mammogram for Mongo" scene from Blazing Saddles?

"Mongo like mammaries!" he says, and then the poor woman explodes, unaware of what the "federal booby inspectors" were really implanting in her. We had really gotten to know and love that character, too. My god, the audience thinks, sheriff Bart and the Waco Kid are terrifying, they really will stoop to any level in the name of justice... but justice, for whom?

alnilam

FactsAreUseless

Doctors couldn't care one way or the other about cancer, but I do know one thing: they love putting radiation inside some big flippy-flappy bazongas. Just batting them around with ping-pong paddles made out of alpha particles and having a real good time as they boing all over the place.

FactsAreUseless

And if you do get cancer? Good news, the doctors have a different kind of radiation they can shoot into your sweater pupae while they chant and holler and your chesty breasties fly around like they're in a wind tunnel.

joke_explainer


i know it doesn't matter in terms of the joke, but all I could think of was that mammoths lived during the Pilocene epoch like 5 million years ago to just a few thousand years ago, while pterodactyls died out like 145 million years ago... and they're like, mallard duck sized, they couldn't pick up a mammoth even if they did live in the same time period... and pterodactyls didn't co-exist with humans either...

social vegan



a mammogram?! that must be some good weed

Piso Mojado

FactsAreUseless posted:

And who can possibly forget the famous "mammogram for Mongo" scene from Blazing Saddles?

lol

Piso Mojado

Piso Mojado

"More like NO MA'AM-agram" - funny thing I say to the doctor which is confusing since neither of us are ladies and he never suggested one to begin with.

Piso Mojado

mammograms would be much more fun for everyone if they made a whoopie cushion fart sound as the plates began to press

myDad

ce n'est pas ma mère

Android Blues posted:

titty doctor: You still don't understand what you're dealing with, do you? The perfect organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility.
me: I admire its purity. A titty squashing device … unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality.


sig by vanisher™®

myDad

ce n'est pas ma mère

FactsAreUseless posted:

Doctors couldn't care one way or the other about cancer, but I do know one thing: they love putting radiation inside some big flippy-flappy bazongas. Just batting them around with ping-pong paddles made out of alpha particles and having a real good time as they boing all over the place.

FactsAreUseless posted:

And if you do get cancer? Good news, the doctors have a different kind of radiation they can shoot into your sweater pupae while they chant and holler and your chesty breasties fly around like they're in a wind tunnel.

lmao


sig by vanisher™®

Senior Management



joke_explainer posted:

i know it doesn't matter in terms of the joke, but all I could think of was that mammoths lived during the Pilocene epoch like 5 million years ago to just a few thousand years ago, while pterodactyls died out like 145 million years ago... and they're like, mallard duck sized, they couldn't pick up a mammoth even if they did live in the same time period... and pterodactyls didn't co-exist with humans either...

But we don't really know that a mad scientist was not making tiny mammoths and cursing the pterodactyls that kept flying off with his heard.

:jerry:

MrWillsauce

I thought a mammogram was when they cut off your breasts



FactsAreUseless

MrWillsauce posted:

I thought a mammogram was when they cut off your breasts
That's a lady lumpectomy.

social vegan



ah, nature's smore!

Android Blues

Women's Health BYOB

Android Blues

patient: alright doc, go ahead. do it - crush my titty. [pounding fist on table] turn me into the human version of orange pulp you god drat animal

doctor: alright, first a few questions. where do you feel the lump?

patient: what lump?

social vegan



*my substitute teacher for fourth grade french lays on table that slowly slides out from fMRI machine*

*behind glass, my class waits nervously with the doctor, my heart pounding in my chest*

doctor: *turns to us* now there has been a lot of hearsay throughout the classroom but I'm afraid you will all have to face the cold hard facts..

doctor: *a final glance back to the computer monitor before returning his gaze to us* ...she is, in fact, a ma'am

FactsAreUseless

Android Blues posted:

Women's Health BYOB
BYOB/GYN

Android Blues

new cave paintings appear to reveal primitive "stone age" mammogram

Android Blues

Behold! Using the power of glow rock, we have tamed the human breast!

Luvcow

One day nearer spring

Android Blues posted:

new cave paintings appear to reveal primitive "stone age" mammogram


Luvcow

One day nearer spring
FYI a lot of people train at home using simple household objects like two large books or a george forman grill

Ahundredbux

The right to bear arms

FutonForensic

haha i can't believe she actually did it. she actually put her titties on a plate and got them squished with another plate. ding ding order up haha, serve this plate full o' titty to someone who isn't a total loving rube, oh my god haha


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Piso Mojado

Android Blues posted:

new cave paintings appear to reveal primitive "stone age" mammogram



Lol

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