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DrNutt posted:The appeal of Kmart is that if you are ever feeling good and optimistic, you can go and get a big dose of despair absolutely free. This is my favorite post of 2017 so far and spot-loving-on. If you go in a K-Mart don't stay too long or you'll be devoured by the Nothing from the Neverending Story. It's a Cleveland Browns-esque Factory of Sadness. My town had a K-Mart that was basically the only, uh, "big box" store and over the course of about 10 years I watched it go from a decent-enough Target clone to a loving run-down ghost town with the ambience of a third-world flea market. poo poo was just sort of haphazardly set on shelves with no real rhyme or reason, CD players in the same aisle as bug spray in the same aisle as baseball gloves. Cardboard boxes full of knock-off GI Joes strewn all over the toy section, things just scattered on the ground, bottles of shampoo and conditioner rolling around by the motor oil. You were constantly on edge waiting to be attacked by a post-apocalyptic gang because somehow you had wandered into that destroyed big box store you find early in Fallout 3. It was like the workers there had gone past the don't-give-a-poo poo level into active, hateful malevolence. A few years ago a huge parcel next to it got bought and turned into a Super Wal-Mart and it sent that K-Mart screaming into the abyss in like 2 months. When the K-Mart was closing its doors it had one of those "WE ARE EVEN SELLING THE loving SHELVES PEOPLE" sales and I went in to see if I could find some bargains. I did find some cheap, meaningless little things like clothes hangers or a fog-free shaving mirror for $1, but there were still things in there absurdly, absurdly overpriced. I'm talking $60+ for DS (not 3DS) games and $23+ for loving music CDs. I'm laughing right now thinking about how insane it all was, I felt like I was in the fever dream of a dying old ad executive. I bought my trinkets from a mute and obviously pissed-off cashier and when I said "Thanks!" at the end of the transaction she said, "Whatever." Anyone here old enough to remember when K-Mart had "blue light specials?" They'd roll out a rack of pants or plates or some other loving thing and turn on a blue light and make an announcement over the loudspeaker that began with the famous, "ATTENTION K-MART SHOPPERS... there is a blue light special in... AISLE SEVEN!" and there would a God-damned stampede towards that flashing light.
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Jan 12, 2017 02:08
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The best thing that was ever written about 9/11. Rick Rescorla's evacuation plan is one of the reasons so many people made it out. I think of him and his twice-a-year-no-matter-what drills every time someone bitches about a fire drill or something. Seriously, read it if you haven't, the dude's bravery in the face of death is just unbelievable.
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Jun 2, 2019 14:33
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