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Bloody
Mar 3, 2013

moron recruiter: hurr, do a fizzbuzz

nerdlord phone screener: please list all of the uses of the keyword 'static' in c in alphabetical order

on-site interviewer: why do you want to work for us, generic b2b analytics company 3001


Rex-Goliath posted:

- who do you work with on a daily basis / describe the day to day role
- how are decisions made / how will [team] be asked to accomplish things / who makes those decisions
- what are the company's primary values? what characteristics are you looking for in a candidate in relation to those primary values?
- what would be expected of me for the first / three / six months? What will success look like in this position, how will it be measured?
- what sort of training/mentoring/career dev things are here
- what's the most impressive thing you've seen out of someone else you've interviewed recently
- What do you see as the most challenging aspect of this job?
- how do you set milestones/deliverables for projects and how does your team react when it's clear they won't be met
- when was the last time you took pto / how much did you take / what did you do

Bloody fucked around with this message at 05:54 on Dec 25, 2016

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CRIP EATIN BREAD
Jun 24, 2002

Hey stop worrying bout my acting bitch, and worry about your WACK ass music. In the mean time... Eat a hot bowl of Dicks! Ice T



Soiled Meat
lol, just lol if people arent throwing job offers at you non-stop with no interview

Wrath of the Bitch King
May 11, 2005

Research confirms that black is a color like silver is a color, and that beyond black is clarity.
google "pain letter"

Bloody
Mar 3, 2013

CRIP EATIN BREAD posted:

lol, just lol if people arent throwing job offers at you non-stop with no interview

oh I'm lollin

George
Nov 27, 2004

No love for your made-up things.
sounds p dehumanizing op

JewKiller 3000
Nov 28, 2006

by Lowtax
here op, let me translate those questions to how you were supposed to have understood them:

Bloody posted:

moron recruiter: hurr, do a fizzbuzz (no change, you just have to do it. what, can't you?)

nerdlord phone screener: please describe to me the inevitable time where you confused the C static storage class with static variable lifetime. barring this, please demonstrate that you are familiar with the "static" keyword outside of "public static void main" in java

on-site interviewer: show me you've read our website and actually know what the company does, so we know you give even a fraction of a poo poo

Bloody
Mar 3, 2013

I was giving examples of standard interview tropes not seeking specific interview feedback hth

Ciaphas
Nov 20, 2005

> BEWARE, COWARD :ovr:


posted before that the idea of updating my resume (or is it all CVs now) in a way that makes me look like i'm not a shitter, then doing the job hunt and interview thing gives me hives

especially when job requirements pages seem specifically designed to make me feel unqualified (and seemingly only me, given some of the chucklefucks who apply here anyway)

carry on then
Jul 10, 2010

by VideoGames

(and can't post for 10 years!)

Bloody posted:

I was giving examples of standard interview tropes not seeking specific interview feedback hth

*harmonica*


SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK



THEEEEEEEEM


OOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Agile Vector
May 21, 2007

scrum bored



CRIP EATIN BREAD posted:

lol, just lol if people arent throwing job offers at you non-stop with no interview

:agreed:

Wrath of the Bitch King posted:

google "pain letter"

my company name is a killing word

The Management
Jan 2, 2010

sup, bitch?
interviews are dumb and bad but you gotta do them sometime. be a cool dude with the recruiter because he or she doesn't know computers and can't relate to autists. then when you're talking with actual engineers try to talk through your thinking process and state your assumptions. be confident and if you don't know something ask questions that will lead to figuring out the right direction.

The Management
Jan 2, 2010

sup, bitch?
I'm going to be doing this after the holidays and am extremely not looking forward to it, but I hope I can convince someone to dump a pile of money on me without too many theatrics

MrMoo
Sep 14, 2000

Interview last week, they had not prepared and made stuff up as they went. Actually nice programming challenge, basic FIX parser. Found bugs in their code for FIX constants too. I haven't heard anything so yet another rejection, woot.

Bonus they had just moved office that morning and were unpacking things everywhere and I turned up at the old address.

MrMoo fucked around with this message at 03:31 on Dec 6, 2016

George
Nov 27, 2004

No love for your made-up things.
if interview skills aren't remotely identical to the job skills then the process is broken hth

qirex
Feb 15, 2001

I'm looking for work now, it's the worst

my first 2 in-person interviews I knew in under 5 minutes I didn't want to work there

Shaman Linavi
Apr 3, 2012

The Management posted:

then when you're talking with actual engineers try to talk through your thinking process and state your assumptions.

this is the hardest part for me since i grew up with and hang out with people that never shut up and i also had a speech impediment
im better now but man when i get in the programming zone i tend to stare into the abyss and mumble to myself and thats not good in an interview

Ciaphas
Nov 20, 2005

> BEWARE, COWARD :ovr:


Shaman Linavi posted:

this is the hardest part for me since i grew up with and hang out with people that never shut up and i also had a speech impediment
im better now but man when i get in the programming zone i tend to stare into the abyss and mumble to myself and thats not good in an interview

My boss claims he can see my eyes shift and glaze over when I go into the nerd zone, yeah

French Canadian
Feb 23, 2004

Fluffy cat sensory experience
protip: if you are trying to get a new job, apply to all jobs, even less ideal ones, to stay on your interview a-game for when that choice cj position comes along and you can't afford to gently caress up.

The Management
Jan 2, 2010

sup, bitch?
I once did a practice interview at a company I had no intention to work for. I walked out of there like "I aced it but gently caress these chumps". they didn't make an offer.

Wrath of the Bitch King
May 11, 2005

Research confirms that black is a color like silver is a color, and that beyond black is clarity.

qirex posted:

I'm looking for work now, it's the worst

my first 2 in-person interviews I knew in under 5 minutes I didn't want to work there

The sad truth is that there are a lot of terrible places to work and most of the interviews you have are going to match that statistic.

A likable job is a goddamned unicorn.

The Management
Jan 2, 2010

sup, bitch?
hey op, post the baddest or bad assed interview questions you're getting.

The MUMPSorceress
Jan 6, 2012


^SHTPSTS

Gary’s Answer
interviewing sucks and i think my wallowing in my current job has more to do with my lovely interview experiences so far and not wanting to deal with that than any kind of job satisfaction.

also that i havent gotten a bite from a single resume that i sent to a goon :)

Agile Vector
May 21, 2007

scrum bored



LeftistMuslimObama posted:

interviewing sucks and i think my wallowing in my current job has more to do with my lovely interview experiences so far and not wanting to deal with that than any kind of job satisfaction.

also that i havent gotten a bite from a single resume that i sent to a goon :)

I'm shocked that a goon project couldn't resume

triple sulk
Sep 17, 2014



tfw most company changes would be a massive downgrade

Asymmetric POSTer
Aug 17, 2005

CRIP EATIN BREAD posted:

lol, just lol if people arent throwing job offers at you non-stop with no interview

Asymmetric POSTer
Aug 17, 2005

ever job i got has been from recommendations/nepotism except my internships in college

Gazpacho
Jun 18, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
Slippery Tilde
ive never been fizzboed tbh, somehow everyone who interviews or recruits me has more imagination than that

well except thoes two startup guys who spent the whole hour asking me "so what have you been doing lately"

Jonny 290
May 5, 2005



[ASK] me about OS/2 Warp
my new job owns i recommend spending a bit over the alloted time on takehome projects but putting extra polish on it to make it worth it

Fallen Hamprince
Nov 12, 2016

as a grad student the mere thought of seeking employment fills me with dread and terror, ama

Jonny 290
May 5, 2005



[ASK] me about OS/2 Warp

Fallen Hamprince posted:

as a grad student the mere thought of seeking employment fills me with dread and terror, ama

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Fallen Hamprince
Nov 12, 2016

Jonny 290 posted:

Where do you see yourself in five years?

a pile of radioactive ashes, y do u ask

Gazpacho
Jun 18, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
Slippery Tilde

Gazpacho posted:

ive never been fizzboed tbh, somehow everyone who interviews or recruits me has more imagination than that

well except thoes two startup guys who spent the whole hour asking me "so what have you been doing lately"
then after the interview they sent me an e-mail that just said LIAR

Joe 30330
Dec 20, 2007

"We have this notion that if you're poor, you cannot do it. Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids."

As the audience reluctantly began to applaud during the silence, Biden tried to fix his remarks.

"Wealthy kids, black kids, Asian kids -- no, I really mean it." Biden said.
You guys are using your resume to interviews resumes right



Guys

Farmer Crack-Ass
Jan 2, 2001

this is me posting irl
i just recently got hired myself. interviewing sucks, but it's a great feeling when towards the end of the second interview you notice the tone has shifted to the manager pitching the company to you


Jonny 290 posted:

Where do you see yourself in five years?

i'm not at all where i thought i'd be five years ago and five years ago i was not at all where i thought i'd be five years prior to that

Moo Cowabunga
Jun 15, 2009

[Office Worker.




hope you get a job, op.

Stymie
Jan 9, 2001

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN
if you need prospects to find a job, talk to your union rep or your other union colleagues to see what's available

when you go in for the interview talk to the foreman and tell them of your experience, relevant certifications and other foremen/workers you've worked with, it's easy peasy

*buffalo bill voice* oh wait

Asymmetric POSTer
Aug 17, 2005

don't forget to show off your iphone 4s running ios5 for added street cred with the union boys

George
Nov 27, 2004

No love for your made-up things.

Stymie posted:

if you need prospects to find a job, talk to your union rep or your other union colleagues to see what's available

when you go in for the interview talk to the foreman and tell them of your experience, relevant certifications and other foremen/workers you've worked with, it's easy peasy

*buffalo bill voice* oh wait

lol im in a union but if you could only see how hosed up our interview process is hoo boy

Moo Cowabunga
Jun 15, 2009

[Office Worker.




we allow friends and family to support interviewees and it's never awkward as gently caress

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George
Nov 27, 2004

No love for your made-up things.

Displeased Moo Cow posted:

we allow friends and family to support interviewees and it's never awkward as gently caress

ive never heard of this before

is it like tagging in or like you get to defer one question to your bro pete

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