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I'm tired of working hard for minimum wage, i want to join the gbs cyber elite (or 'leet") core of middle aged alcoholics with too much money . is it easier to write code or be the fixer upper IT guy. Please give me the tips, tricks and cheatcodes I desire
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Dec 7, 2016 11:32
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| # ? May 20, 2024 00:35 |
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lmao it's EZ you stupid bitch Just never get that degree your parents wanted you to have
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Dec 7, 2016 11:38
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be gay in boystown
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Dec 7, 2016 11:40
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buckets of buckets posted:I'm tired of working hard for minimum wage, i want to join the gbs cyber elite (or 'leet") core of middle aged alcoholics with too much money . is it easier to write code or be the fixer upper IT guy. Please give me the tips, tricks and cheatcodes I desire You start by knowing how to IT. This means how to restart a computer, install drivers for a printer, and google something like "Outlook error 0x00023813" and figure out how to click some links and get a solution. Then you get the job. It's not rocket science. Oh, you have to get over your crippling social anxiety and actually apply for a job and do an interview.
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Dec 7, 2016 11:42
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God I fucking love Diablo 3 gold, it even paid for this shitty title
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Computers do seem easy with the plugging and unplugging depending on the situation. Never used one myself, but I intend to one day.
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Dec 7, 2016 11:42
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I don't work very hard or get much done but I'm paid for all the time I'm at work. I don't show up drunk too often but I'm always high at work.
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Dec 7, 2016 11:48
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# 1. Pay to get certified, which means you have a piece of paper showing you can do the equivalent of tying your shoes on a computer # 2. Apply somewhere for some 39 hour week 'part time' helpdesk job at a call center # 3. You probably have a bit of pride from actually working for your job, maybe you have previous working relationships and experiences that make you feel somewhat valuable as a human being, go ahead and forget about all of those # 4. Every boss you have probably imagines themselves as the lord of a manor for which you are their serf, and if you act otherwise the lower level ones will make your life hell, so do what they say. If he's gay suck his weiner if he asks. Even if you don't consider yourself gay. Likewise for the other sex, dumpy lady goons. # 5. Stop taking care of yourself, and maintain your 'working man' diet that's entirely inappropriate for sitting at a comptuer from 9-5. # 6. Bathe every other day instead of every day, and only wash your hear every 3-4 days. This will give you a nice greasy look that nobody likes. # 7. make sure to huff and puff and give a very strong passive aggressive attitude in the company of anyone who smiles at you while doing your work. Make sure you look miserable. # 8. If you catch yourself doing too good of a job or working faster than what's absolutely necessary, STOP. Take in the sights around you, slow down buddy, people may have work to do but it's their dumbass fault you had to come over probably, so inflict and express your pain by expressing your indignity in the most passive agressive way possible, working really slow, and deliberately 'missing' small items that will create more work for you later. If you do this properly, youll keep your job while still being a gross and terrible worker that nobody will want to touch or promote. Oh I almost forgot... # 9. Have Fun! 
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Dec 7, 2016 11:55
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basic hitler posted:# 1. Pay to get certified, which means you have a piece of paper showing you can do the equivalent of tying your shoes on a computer A lot of this is interchangeable with working nights, except you really do become invisible to the superiors unless they know you and they are your buddy. Otherwise, they don't even know you exist until something goes wrong, or you spend one minute too many taking too long on dumb busy work that you are monitored on.
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Dec 7, 2016 12:07
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basic hitler posted:# 1. Pay to get certified, which means you have a piece of paper showing you can do the equivalent of tying your shoes on a computer this is good stuff. I like the sound of all of it apart from paying for a certificate. Is there a cheaper way to fake it?
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Dec 7, 2016 12:36
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buckets of buckets posted:this is good stuff. I like the sound of all of it apart from paying for a certificate. Is there a cheaper way to fake it? yeah a printer, but first you have to unjam it for peggy in finance who keeps trying to cram legal paper in the 8.5x11 tray and gets really pissy when you tell her to stop, welcome to it
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Dec 7, 2016 12:39
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you irl posted:yeah a printer, but first you have to unjam it for peggy in finance
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Dec 7, 2016 12:39
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buckets of buckets posted:this is good stuff. I like the sound of all of it apart from paying for a certificate. Is there a cheaper way to fake it? Other tech guys will know it's fake but only the squarest of the square will deny a man his livelihood if your being a dumbfuck with 0 idea means they have more job security.
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Dec 7, 2016 12:41
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jBrereton posted:Make a pdf file from the Academy for Computer Sciences or similar. I would trust one of my old factory co-workers to laugh and keep his mouth shut at a faked credential, but my experience with IT nerds is that they are exactly the type of square to snitch. The funny thing is, usually a certification in a factory means you can do something fairly dangerous, with competency and safety. in IT it literally just means you paid for someone to acknowledge that you can FOR SURE do a thing 99% of people under the age of 40 knows how to do, or could be trained to.
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Dec 7, 2016 12:44
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you irl posted:yeah a printer, but first you have to unjam it for peggy in finance who keeps trying to cram legal paper in the 8.5x11 tray and gets really pissy when you tell her to stop, welcome to it You're not really there yet until you've reached the point of assuming everyone is a dumb rear end in a top hat even when their problem us legitimate and not their fault....but you still think that it is. And agreed that IT guys are even more likely to be snippy dorks that go mad with power the second they get a tiny scrap of it.
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Dec 7, 2016 13:18
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so you basically have to undertake zero training to do this job. I am/was quite proficient with windows 95 and XP so I guess I'm already prepared? sweet
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Dec 7, 2016 14:57
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buckets of buckets posted:so you basically have to undertake zero training to do this job. I am/was quite proficient with windows 95 and XP so I guess I'm already prepared? sweet can you walk up, grunt "what's the problem?", and then frown at a computer screen while doing things that appear useful at a cursory glance before holding down the power button and doing a hard reboot?
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Dec 7, 2016 14:57
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The only thing I know about IT is that they're the guys I get mad at when our file server gets slow. They're the worst!
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Dec 7, 2016 15:00
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buckets of buckets posted:so you basically have to undertake zero training to do this job. I am/was quite proficient with windows 95 and XP so I guess I'm already prepared? sweet watch a few episodes of The IT Crowd and you've got 90% of the job figured out (the other 10% is filling out your timesheet)
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Dec 7, 2016 15:18
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how good are you at <three-to-four letter language no one uses>? we need someone with 15 years of vSphere experience, whatever the gently caress that is
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Dec 7, 2016 15:24
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hey you, youre the developer, right? why is the network so loving slow?
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Dec 7, 2016 15:26
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hth posted:how good are you at <three-to-four letter language no one uses>? I hope vsphere is something that only came out 10 years ago
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Dec 7, 2016 15:26
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we have an incentive compensation system for sales, but not for IT also we'll need you to build that system
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Dec 7, 2016 15:27
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Quick Draw McGraw posted:I hope vsphere is something that only came out 10 years ago when can u start
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Dec 7, 2016 15:28
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how much coffee in a given day can you convert to piss?
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Dec 7, 2016 15:30
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OP, it says in your resume you are proficient with active directories...that's good. how are you with dormant directories?
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Dec 7, 2016 15:32
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here, OP, memorize all these port numbers and then sometime later figure out what port numbers are
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Dec 7, 2016 15:37
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hth posted:hey you, youre the developer, right?
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Dec 7, 2016 15:40
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I don't work in IT you fuckman
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Dec 7, 2016 15:41
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Being a computer janitor is not just a career, it's a calling. Ask yourself, have you ever installed windows and Linux for fun? Do you build your own computer and still think Mac users are gay? Do you think you can be a condescending prick to everyone in your life? Well, you might be ready to join the elite crew of computer janitors, the blue collar workers of the future! If you haven't done so already, get started on the following: 🖥 Grow a goatee. Or if you're a woman at least a mustache. 📀 Pick a side on many contentious issues and defend it vigorously. Best operating system, best phone brand, Star Wars vs Star Trek, video game platform, favorite anime, etc. 💻 Post over with the bros in yospos. We are always friendly to new people. 🖨 I dunno maybe learn to click some things and looking up things on google. Welcome to your new career! A lifetime of staring at progress bars and crawling under desks trying to blindly plug cables into the back of a computer awaits you.
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Dec 7, 2016 15:50
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 loin dat lingo
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Dec 7, 2016 16:00
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the vending machine is out of Twix bars
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Dec 7, 2016 16:19
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Whats your favorite RAID level? Mine is 5, but RAID DP is pretty cool too.
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Dec 7, 2016 16:28
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Go to school to become a computer scientists or software engineer. Get job as a Jr. QA. Make the lives of developers difficult by existing. Then write automation and focus on devops.
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Dec 7, 2016 16:33
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Edgar posted:Go to school to become a computer scientists or software engineer. Get job as a Jr. QA. Make the lives of developers difficult by existing. Then write automation and focus on devops. don't tell anybody though so you can avoid the mass lynchings of anyone involved in automation by the proles in the coming years
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Dec 7, 2016 16:34
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angerbeet posted:the vending machine is out of Twix bars It would be rude to eat Twix on Pearl Harbor day anyways
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Dec 7, 2016 16:37
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Hector Beerlioz posted:It would be rude to eat Twix on Pearl Harbor day anyways why not? was the mars corporation a wartime zaibatsu or something
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Dec 7, 2016 16:59
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i work at the dick sucking factory
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Dec 7, 2016 17:02
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My buddy is in year 5 of IT having started out with literally 0 knowledge or experience. He just faked it in his interview. The thing is however stupid you think you are with computers, everyone else is even worse. There are somehow still people who are totally baffled about even the most basic functions of the magic glow box with the Google inside. So just lie and successfully turn on a computer and you get the job then fake it until you make it.
bag em and tag em fucked around with this message at 17:08 on Dec 7, 2016 |
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Dec 7, 2016 17:03
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hth posted:why not? You should try eating an honest and patriotic snack like a Babe Ruth or a Cheeseburger.
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Dec 7, 2016 17:05
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if you're really working minimum wage and want to switch over, go get an A+ cert it's really easy and will be an instant in to entry level. you can use youtube to study if you have to
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Dec 7, 2016 17:07
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