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I knew the dame was trouble the moment she stepped into my line. With three unruly tots in tow, an updo that would make Kate Gosselin swoon, and heels more spiked than the bottle of Dasani I keep under my register, it was clear this lady wanted to speak to my manager; she just didn't know why yet. Was fifty-eight greenbacks a day minus taxes really worth this?

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They call me Slick McGee. I'm a con artist. I'm also a sandwich artist. You want it toasted I'm your man. You wanna know where your missing husband went? That'll cost ya extra. Chips and a drink and a holiday gift card, buy $50 and get a $10 card for yourself, and I might be able to tell you if I seen him in here with a strange lady. My boss is really on me about those gift cards.

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I know this town like the back of my hand, which comes in handy when you're delivering packages for Don Jon "The Papa." Tonight was an easy job for easy money, or so I thought. I could tell from the moment I hit the driveway the family was well-to-do, but I didn't know just how well until the mooks that answered the door laid into me like I was the extra-large margherita pizza add sausage no onions. When I came to I was starin' down the most feared man in the city, a fella know only as "The Hut," and I knew I had bitten off more cheesy bread than all the garlic butter in the world could wash down.

"I need you to bring a message," the shadowy figure snarled, "to Papa John."

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social vegan posted:

There she was. A pair of bright red pumps and legs as high as the eye could see. There he was. A pair of docs and legs as high as the eye could see. There my boss was. New Balances and legs as high as the eye could see. I sighed deeply from underneath the forest green '94 Geo Tracker with the wave decal on the side at the local Jiffy Lube.

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Her eyes burned with indignant fire, her hair fell about her shoulders like a mantle, and her ruby lips pursed. A man could get lost in that face. But despite my best efforts to be a gentleman I found my gaze falling to her enormous cans, which were clearly Freshlike, and the coupon she gave me was for Green Giant.

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alnilam posted:

They're making me work on noir Friday :sigh:

I knew those dames and mugs were trouble from the moment they stampeded through my door. as tempers started to flare I had to wonder, was this just another day in the hell I lived in or would our little walmart store be the annual cautionary tale on the national news? and did I even care?

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