|
Colonel Cancer posted:What is a good source of free range organic fair trade skeletons? Emphasis on "Good" because if I get another shady deal, I'll end up one of you loser evil wizards. I'm getting out of the necromancy game and i have a mostly full bone cellar from disenchanted skelleton warriors. I was going to burn it but ill sell them
|
#
?
Jan 1, 2017 05:37
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 18, 2024 18:15 |
|
|
mycomancy posted:I'd go with the blue crystals. OSHA inspectors get their tits in a twist about open flame, even if it's the arcane kind. Yo, so I tried this and it makes the entrance of my tower on Mt. Bloodbone look pretty badass, thanks wizgoon. Some heroes decided to come by and instead of immediately assuming I was an evil sorcerer they saw the eldritch crystals and somehow thought I was sort of benign. I guess maybe glowing blue crystals are some sort of Elf thing? Anyway, they weren't prepared for that spell, you know the one that turns their bones into writhing worms of molten iron? That one. Now I have a good-looking foyer and I was able to re-purpose those jackasses' skulls for a new set of wine glasses.
|
|
#
?
Jan 1, 2017 16:17
|
|
|
Mad Hamish posted:Question for all you wizards out there, when it comes to the decor for my mountaintop wizard tower, what should I pick for my lamps? I'm trying to decide between skulls with nightmarish green flames of fire that burns but does not consume in the open mouths and eye sockets, or mysterious crystals with an eldritch blue glow. Blue is a good colour for lights in your dread demesne because blue light inhibits melatonin production, which is a natural hormone produced in the brain that regulates the sleep cycle. If any foolish adventurers dare to make camp within your nightmare realm, they'll have a hell of a time getting to sleep and won't feel rested in the morning, making them easy prey for your fell sorceries. If you're concerned about the health of any of your still-living apprentices, minions, mooks, or cultists, then I recommend green or red light. That being said, why would you even have still-living minions?
|
|
#
?
Jan 1, 2017 18:57
|
|
|
Mad Hamish posted:Yo, so I tried this and it makes the entrance of my tower on Mt. Bloodbone look pretty badass, thanks wizgoon. I hope you were able to get some classy skullgoblets from all those writhing molten iron worms. That spell is a bit tricky to control once you start it; it's a great fire and forget spell, for sure but it's artistic possibilities are somewhat limited. Fudge Handsome posted:Blue is a good colour for lights in your dread demesne because blue light inhibits melatonin production, which is a natural hormone produced in the brain that regulates the sleep cycle. If any foolish adventurers dare to make camp within your nightmare realm, they'll have a hell of a time getting to sleep and won't feel rested in the morning, making them easy prey for your fell sorceries. If you're concerned about the health of any of your still-living apprentices, minions, mooks, or cultists, then I recommend green or red light. That being said, why would you even have still-living minions? Dude, are you in evil high school or something? There's plenty of reasons to keep your minions alive. One reason is to casually show your mastery of life and death to intruders/guests. Another is that living minions are in many ways more gross or horrific than skeletons or animated armors or even a zombie. Stay in school, Keep The Laws*, Golyhothort Bless. *KEEP THE LAWS! KEEP THEM OR FACE NON-EUCLIDEAN GEOMETRY!
|
|
#
?
Jan 1, 2017 20:51
|
|
|
CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:*KEEP THE LAWS! KEEP THEM OR FACE NON-EUCLIDEAN GEOMETRY! Uhhh but thats good? Well you know what I mean. *walks around an invisible corner and vanishes*
|
|
#
?
Jan 2, 2017 04:03
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Jan 2, 2017 04:40
|
|
|
Good Abjurers keep loving closing all my demonic portals. They just keep loving doing it. I've set traps and they dispel those. I've summoned minions and they banish those. I dug a giant lava pit and apparently they can make themselves immune to lava. I've hired mercenaries to guard them but they somehow got banished too. What the gently caress do I do about this? Do you know how much each gate costs? The goddamn black opals I'm going through could've funded five loving obsidian towers!
|
|
#
?
Jan 2, 2017 04:45
|
|
|
CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:
You've got 1d4 hp per level, not bloody likely.
|
|
#
?
Jan 2, 2017 04:54
|
|
|
i helped my uncle make potions in his trailer. he put in too much eye of newt or something tho because his potion lab blew up and burned some of his face off and now he's in evil wizard jail for felony manufacturing of potions
|
|
#
?
Jan 2, 2017 04:56
|
|
|
Nathilus posted:Uhhh but thats good? Well you know what I mean. *walks around an invisible corner and vanishes* To be able to flout Euclidean geometry, it must first be extant and maintained by The Laws. How can you do cool poo poo like that on purpose without an underlying, ordered, structure that non-wizards have to deal with like chumps? The whole reason I became a wizard was to gently caress with normies, honestly. The whole "keeping The Laws" thing is just something everyone has to put up with to enjoy unrestrained magical normie-loving. I mean, I hate being That Guy but I'm never not gonna gently caress with those normie assholes and their meddling do-goodery. KEEP THE LAWS. Catpants McStabby posted:You've got 1d4 hp per level, not bloody likely. Punch and muscle wizards get different hit die, though. They make good use of that d12, unlike loving barbarians.
|
|
#
?
Jan 2, 2017 06:19
|
|
|
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Chaos_magic_ritual_involving_videoconferencing.JPG
|
|
#
?
Jan 2, 2017 07:35
|
|
|
All wizards are evil, because knowledge increases suffering, and suffering is bad. 
|
|
#
?
Jan 2, 2017 08:13
|
|
|
FedEx Mercury posted:Ahahaha check out that fighter in back just bursting in like "durr what's up fellas" yeah that's def whats happening he's not getting cuckholded by a wizard with a sweet bod or anything
|
|
#
?
Jan 2, 2017 08:17
|
|
|
I cast spells to make my farts into boats and dragons, also to make my farts visible. And I don't go in for that cliche green gas fart visualization, I make my farts look like they are going to smell good like minty breeze on a crisp winter morning but it actually smells like rotten Chinese food and sulfur.
|
|
#
?
Jan 2, 2017 08:31
|
|
|
Linux Pirate posted:I cast spells to make my farts into boats and dragons, also to make my farts visible. And I don't go in for that cliche green gas fart visualization, I make my farts look like they are going to smell good like minty breeze on a crisp winter morning but it actually smells like rotten Chinese food and sulfur. A blue-green wave of fresh wintery winds sparkles over a bounty of coffee grounds, eggshells, and banana peels. Adventurer, do you search the trash bag for treasure? Y/N
|
|
#
?
Jan 2, 2017 08:43
|
|
|
Dinosaurmageddon posted:A blue-green wave of fresh wintery winds sparkles over a bounty of coffee grounds, eggshells, and banana peels. Adventurer, do you search the trash bag for treasure? Y/N Y
|
|
#
?
Jan 2, 2017 10:41
|
|
|
trying to conjure a fun new character for my undead army to boost morale. Mr. Bones he's called, he's supposed to wear a top hat and use a cane and speak in a 1920s New York accent and do musical numbers on cue. But I'm having a hell of a time getting the drat hat to stay on his head, it just keeps slipping off. I've tried a freeze spell, eldertree sap, an attachment rune, and gorilla glue, but nothing works. I'm almost positive it's cursed but for the life of me I can't remember who or where I bought it from. I'll probably just take a trip to the underworld and get a cheap plastic hat from wailmart or something
|
|
#
?
Jan 2, 2017 18:58
|
|
|
SciFiDownBeat posted:trying to conjure a fun new character for my undead army to boost morale. Mr. Bones he's called, he's supposed to wear a top hat and use a cane and speak in a 1920s New York accent and do musical numbers on cue. But I'm having a hell of a time getting the drat hat to stay on his head, it just keeps slipping off. I've tried a freeze spell, eldertree sap, an attachment rune, and gorilla glue, but nothing works. I'm almost positive it's cursed but for the life of me I can't remember who or where I bought it from. I'll probably just take a trip to the underworld and get a cheap plastic hat from wailmart or something Mr. Bones should be able to doff his chapeau if he encounters a lady adventurer. Before the dismemberment or whatever it is you want him to do to intruders. Ask him how he feels. Maybe he can learn to hold it or balance it.
|
|
#
?
Jan 2, 2017 19:45
|
|
|
Whoo! Almost found all the regents I need to build this phylactery. See ya later, mortality!
|
|
#
?
Jan 2, 2017 19:47
|
|
|
Grondoth posted:Good Abjurers keep loving closing all my demonic portals. Why fight their physical powers when you can corrupt their minds? Offer them powerful magical objects (that you control) to give them delusions of grandeur. Lawful Good wizards can easily be corrupted with power as they seek to control all to make it "lawful" and the love of power makes them them Lawful Evil. Then because you are chaotic evil (and not bound by laws) threaten to strip them of their power (your magic items) unless they sign an employment contract (signed in blood of course, offer good 401k and flex time they can't resist)
|
|
#
?
Jan 2, 2017 20:04
|
|
|
CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:Mr. Bones should be able to doff his chapeau if he encounters a lady adventurer. Before the dismemberment or whatever it is you want him to do to intruders. What, are you nuts? This guy isn't going out to battle. Worst case scenario I'll have him play the lovable chaotic neutral and charm heroes to lead them straight to one of the myriad of traps I have set up. But during off hours the boys need something to entertain them besides undead fight club and skeleton porn. And just tell me how he's going to hold his hat on his head, and operate a gramophone, and do slapstick comedy, AND constantly dance the Charleston all at once??? He can only do three of those things simultaneously, I'll tell you right now. kalel fucked around with this message at 20:39 on Jan 2, 2017 |
|
#
?
Jan 2, 2017 20:37
|
|
|
Does anybody have any simple methods of messing with the world's geometry on like a small scale? And don't give me any of that keep the law bullshit because I'm legit the smartest evil wizard in my class and I'm more than capable of keeping a small reality-bending experiment under control in my mother's cellar thank you very much.
|
|
#
?
Jan 2, 2017 22:41
|
|
|
The problem with reality bending is there is associated time dilation you have to counteract with spells. A large space occupying a small space causes time to speed up rapidly inside it relative to the rest of the world. Its easy enough to create the space but its rather difficult to not emerge from it after the heat death of the universe. Spells concerning time are where yiu get into major trouble
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2017 00:03
|
|
|
have you seen my baby posted:Whoo! Almost found all the regents I need to build this phylactery. See ya later, mortality! Make sure you put it someplace inconvenient, like a chandelier. naem posted:Why fight their physical powers when you can corrupt their minds? Offer them powerful magical objects (that you control) to give them delusions of grandeur. Lawful Good wizards can easily be corrupted with power as they seek to control all to make it "lawful" and the love of power makes them them Lawful Evil. You are bound by some laws, The Laws. Mondain's Tits, you guys, even Chaotic Evil wizards need to follow a couple laws like not passing on the right or the shoulder. SciFiDownBeat posted:What, are you nuts? This guy isn't going out to battle. Worst case scenario I'll have him play the lovable chaotic neutral and charm heroes to lead them straight to one of the myriad of traps I have set up. But during off hours the boys need something to entertain them besides undead fight club and skeleton porn. Okay... make the hat only slightly larger than his head, and it should fit snugly unless he's doing too many cartwheels or whatever. basic hitler posted:The problem with reality bending is there is associated time dilation you have to counteract with spells. A large space occupying a small space causes time to speed up rapidly inside it relative to the rest of the world. Its easy enough to create the space but its rather difficult to not emerge from it after the heat death of the universe. Spells concerning time are where yiu get into major trouble That's why you have to do it on a small scale, do you can control it. It's tricky to get the balance right but honestly if you're following The Laws you should be a lich by now and have nothing but time on your hands to do it right. the pizza police posted:Does anybody have any simple methods of messing with the world's geometry on like a small scale? And don't give me any of that keep the law bullshit because I'm legit the smartest evil wizard in my class and I'm more than capable of keeping a small reality-bending experiment under control in my mother's cellar thank you very much. It might help us if you told us the specifics of this "experiment." Anyway, small scale reality warping is actually one of The Law's many benefits, because a tidy Euclidean workspace is so much easier to modify to your liking and snap back to normal when you're done or tired of paying the upkeep costs (they eventually multiply exponentially, so if you've not set up some kind of pocket universe with unchecked humanoid growth for sacrifices it can quickly become unsustainable) and that's usually the thing that unleashes The Things Below, which are a real pain in the wizard sack to get back to sleep. Anyway, let us know how it turns out. (Keep The Laws.)
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2017 00:30
|
|
|
MEat MEET MEAAT MEAT MEat meat good MEaT fleASh
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2017 02:33
|
|
|
Ah dammit sorry one of my skeletons trying to get online haha lil skamp
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2017 02:34
|
|
|
Ok got him sealed back up in his barrel, gave him some meat to gnaw on (it was his own butt once lol adventurers) He's just going to sit there happily gumming it until it falls through his rib cage and then burst out of the barrel waving his rusty dagger around at the next adventurers in a century or so
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2017 02:38
|
|
|
paying skeletons with meat is so great becasie what are adventurers made of? 1. Meat 2. A skeleton Your skeletons happily do all the work gnawing off the meat then boom! New skeleton Just keep a constant low level spell going in your crypt and put up a really spooky sign ADVENTURERS KEEP OUT, maybe hang a "wanted for necromancy" bounty ad (with a map to your crypt) in local taverns and in a month or two you've got a whole skeleton labor force for free
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2017 02:48
|
|
|
That reminds me ch'ing di still hasnt made me flesh again.  I mean ndb I've only been begging for FIVE THOUSAND YEARS no sweat. Literally. At this point I'm willing to try any green eyed girl with the kind of heart that can overcome the naked flame, to be honest. Not that being an evil dream has been terrible. I made them make my lair look like a casino with all the neon and escalators in that bitch, I admit I find it very fine. In fact I'd be free to do whatever evil magics I'd like if not for a certain hedge magic using PEASANT. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XE2C5HMCHp4
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2017 03:17
|
|
|
have you seen my baby posted:Whoo! Almost found all the regents I need to build this phylactery. See ya later, mortality! good luck with your system shock saving throw, friend
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2017 03:23
|
|
|
Flavahbeast posted:good luck with your system shock saving throw, friend You are a really huge nerd. Just fyi.
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2017 03:54
|
|
|
I hate skeletons. Ive noticed they have something like memory in their bones. I used to harvest the flesh for reagents, boil and reanimate the bones of fallen intruders. Now i just make bone dust. Like, last week was the last straw. I went to check on my gold hoard and my skeleton servitors were just standing, staring at the gold and touching their pelvises. These loving skeletons were remembering having sex on wizard gold when they were alive. Their bone memories are creepy. I could understand recognizing a sword or a trinket from a loved one but id say 75% of all adventurer skeletons just get horny at the sight of a gold hoard. gently caress skeletons and their bone memory. Riot Bimbo fucked around with this message at 05:56 on Jan 3, 2017 |
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2017 05:28
|
|
|
naem posted:paying skeletons with meat is so great becasie what are adventurers made of? well, okay, but, hold on there, then you've kind of got a sort of ponzie scheme going on, because if one skelly eats an adventurer, okay, now you've got two skelleys.... who eventually each need two heros worth of meat... then you've got four skelleys, etc Hopefully the eldritch IRS doesn't find you and audit your rear end to oblivion (literally)
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2017 05:40
|
|
|
SciFiDownBeat posted:well, okay, but, hold on there, then you've kind of got a sort of ponzie scheme going on, because if one skelly eats an adventurer, okay, now you've got two skelleys.... who eventually each need two heros worth of meat... then you've got four skelleys, etc That's the thing, skeletons don't actually "need" meat. They just kinda mush it around their teeth and let it fall to the ground. Keep your crypt ice cold and scoop up the meat and blammo, next week's pay Also "too many skeletons?" Lol just pack some up in barrels (to jump out later) or just disassemble some and make into bone swords, bone arrows etc If you've just got too darn many you can point them at your local haunted forest and tell them MEAT, they get all excited "MEAt meAt MeAT MEET" *crick crick crick* off they go tramping away. Come to think of it that forest wasn't haunted until I started filling it with all those skeletons, art imitates life as they say
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2017 05:53
|
|
|
Just remembering me and some of my bros in necrcollege got into a classic "skeleton vs zombie" argument, we decided to settle things once and for all and took over the whole lower quad. We got in so much trouble! That's me with the beard I'm only 119 there (so young) https://youtu.be/CU3fq4aAv0w
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2017 06:07
|
|
|
basic hitler posted:I hate skeletons. Ive noticed they have something like memory in their bones. I used to harvest the flesh for reagents, boil and reanimate the bones of fallen intruders. Now i just make bone dust. Like, last week was the last straw. I went to check on my gold hoard and my skeleton servitors were just standing, staring at the gold and touching their pelvises. These loving skeletons were remembering having sex on wizard gold when they were alive. Their bone memories are creepy. I could understand recognizing a sword or a trinket from a loved one but id say 75% of all adventurer skeletons just get horny at the sight of a gold hoard. That's pretty hosed up, man. That's pretty hosed up.
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2017 06:53
|
|
|
CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:Punch and muscle wizards get different hit die, though. They make good use of that d12, unlike loving barbarians. Nerd warning: Isn't that a Spellsword, not a wizard?
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2017 09:59
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2017 12:12
|
|
|
imo too many wizards of the current generation lean too hard on the old spells, searing the flesh from the bones of your enemies with fire magic, corrupting their innards with dark magic, freezing their blood with ice magic, so on and so forth. get creative, mix up your magics, how long has it been since you heard of a wizard tearing someone's limbs off with hands made from the earth, or using air magic to force your foe to fall eternally until he is either slowly flayed or starves to death? it's these kinds of things that will set you apart from just yet another generic wizard.
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2017 15:00
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 18, 2024 18:15 |
|
|
Oh, I don't know. Back when I was at Mt Skulldust College of Applied Thaumaturgy (go vampire squids!) me and the other guys in our frat would cast Rising Force on this one dork that had something like five hour's duration with an incredibly low effectiveness. He'd be floating something like five centimetres above the ground, moving extremely slowly, but essentially couldn't do anything aside from hover there and scream at us until the spell wore off. Oh, those were the days.
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2017 15:55
|
|