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Hello friends, This is my first quasi-seriouspost here but here goes: I have worked for CPS (child protective services) in various areas of the field for the last ~4 years and it has taken a very heavy toll on my physical, mental and emotional health. This isn't meant to be a "look how hardcore I am" type of deal so I'll summarize by saying I've seen, had to do and have had to deal a ~lot~ of horrible, soul crushing poo poo on a daily basis. After getting to the point where I began to have full blown nervous breakdown/anxiety attacks every morning on my way to work and realizing I had a literal Pavlovian-dogesque panic attack response to the sound of my work phone going off, I knew things had to change. I invested too much of my self-worth into working with and protecting kids, and always intended to work with kids, and by chance I found an in to a program that will bring me into teaching. I ended up being accepted after passing all my certification exams etc. and put in my last day last month at my agency (after them essentially refusing my resignation 3 times over the last ~5 months holding over my head the fact that if I bailed there's a non-zero chance a kid will die because we are that undermanned with our 80% turnover rate lol) I spent the intervening time between then and now working in the garden (I live in FL I can garden year round  ) and trying to reflect on everything over the last few years and I know a few things need to change. My daughter just turned 2 in October and I can tell she already feeds off/knows something is wrong with daddy on the days he gets home before she's asleep (10-14 hour days 5-6 days a week) because she will go "DADDY...WHAT WRONG" and hug me and it's not her place to do that poo poo.My wife is keeping up the appearance of things being okay but it's not fair to her or my daughter that she has to both work and take care of our daughter while I am having to do all sorts of crazy unreasonable poo poo. She is the overly optimistic happy-go-lucky type and I feel like I can't talk to her exactly how the experience of interrogating a sobbing 12 year old girl on exactly how grandpa raped her and in what orifice in enough detail to obtain enough evidence to get an arrest feels like. My resolutions are: 1) I will be more open emotionally to my friends and family/wife 2) I will find ways to reduce the perpetual state of annoyance/mild anger I am in without resorting to sitting in a dark room and completely shutting down 3) I will spend more quality time with my daughter even if it basic things like bath time 4) I will find a way to not be emotionally dead or try to be emotionally dead without the help of my friend Jack 5) I will somehow learn to separate from the job because it doesn't feel any different even though I quit nearly a month ago at this point Before I left, I wrote down the names of every case I've ever had. I was debating writing about my experiences and thoughts but 
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Jan 3, 2017 22:55
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| # ¿ May 2, 2024 23:27 |
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Yeah, I am 6'2'' and i was up to 240 like 6 months ago, I do all the cooking in my family and we have always eaten healthy meals. I did find cutting carbs significantly helped me lose weight!
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Jan 5, 2017 16:40
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