Smackdown for August Week 1 posted:

- Smackdown opens with the announcers talking about the main event - Teddy Long has sanctioned a tag match, with Christian and Mark Henry taking on John Cena and Randy Orton.

Soon enough, Christian's music hits and he makes his way to the ring with a serious look on his face. Christian complains that he's sick of everyone trying to ruin his title run. Christian calls out Teddy for trying to end his championship by booking a title match on the first Smackdown of his reign... again. Christian claims that Cena showed fake humility, but deep down was eager to take advantage of a title shot he didn't deserve. And worst of all, Randy Orton ruined a classic title match Christian was about to win, all because he's a bad sport who can't handle getting beaten by a better man. Christian announces that out of the kindness of his heart, he's going to give Orton one more shot at the title. At Summerslam, the Viper will find out that nothing he can do will stop Christian's One More Run.

- - - - -

- Matt Striker is backstage with a camera crew as Mark Henry and Langston (ne Big E Langston) walk into a surprisingly well-furnished office, indicated as Henry's. Striker tries to get comment from the two about their interference in last week's main event but Langston wordlessly strong-arms him to the wall before he can get close, and gives Striker the evil eye before entering the office and closing the door.

- - - - -

- Our first match of the night is a fatal 4-way to determine the #1 contendership to Kelly Kelly's Diva's title, between Tamina Snuka, Natalya, AJ Lee and Kaitlyn! Tamina and Natalya rush AJ and Kaitlyn before the bell and beat them down before starting a slugfest with each other. The Chickbusters gain the upper hand with some double team maneuvers, but Natalya uses a thumb to AJ's eye and tosses her out of the ring to stop their momentum. Tamina hits the Samoan drop on Kaitlyn and goes to the top rope, but Natalya pushes her off before locking in the Sharpshooter on Kaitlyn for the win.

- - - - -

- Josh Matthews interviews Natalya after her win, asking her to comment on her now-solidified title shot at Summerslam. Natalya says that Kelly Kelly has no idea what she's in for and cannot escape it, and that she will rule over the entire women's division when she brings it to Smackdown as a conquering victor. A long dynasty is about to begin, she says.

- - - - -

- After some chatter from the announcers (discussing, among other things, the wisdom of Teddy Long's divas gambit), we get the in-ring debut of Langston, who faces a reedy-looking local talent. After four minutes of stiff-looking, effortless power offense, Langston ragdolls the jobber with an inverted front powerslam, heretofore referred to as The Dominator. Langston leaves the broken man in the ring and strides back to the stage wordlessly, where Mark Henry in a salmon-hued suit waits stoically, before they return to the back.

- - - - -

- After a commercial break, Christian is shown approaching Mark Henry's office. He's stopped at the door by Langston momentarily, as the big man looms over the flustered champion, but a few moments later Henry waves him through. Christian tries to talk Henry into a long-term arrangement as his enforcer, but Henry roundly rejects him, saying that his years of playing the fool are over. He reminds Christian that this isn't a game, that John Cena and Randy Orton are serious threats, and tells him to keep his head. Henry warns Christian that defeat is intolerable. If Henry has to do Christian's work for him, he'll have to worry about more than Orton soon enough.

- - - - -

- Our next match sees Intercontinental Champion Ezekiel Jackson vs. Hunico, in what could be described as a battle of economy hoss vs. hoss plus in a non-title match. Jackson shows some resilience against Hunico's stiff, spirited offense, and the rudo is a trio of powerslams away from the torture rack that causes him to tap.

- No sooner has Jackson's hand been raised than Wade Barrett comes out to the stage! Barrett tells Jackson to relish the weeks until Summerslam because his days as a champion are fast approaching their end. Jackson raises the IC belt above him, speaking into a mic provided by the ring announcer and telling the Englishman not to forget that he knows Barrett better than anyone, that he is where is despite Barrett's poor leadership and lack of resolve (clearly referring to the Corre, here), and says that he knows Barrett isn't strong enough to take the IC title from its rightful champion. All of which to say that he accepts Barrett's challenge and will see him at Summerslam.

- - - - -

- Our next match is Sheamus vs. Heath Slater, and it turns out the way you might expect. Slater's "offense", such as it is, consists mostly of dodging the Great White. After patting himself on the back for ducking a corner lariat from Sheamus, he turns around to eat a Brogue Kick. Sheamus gets the 3.

- - - - -

- In the back, Josh Matthews is in the locker room with Daniel Bryan. "Daniel, we are now in week two of your MITB open challenge. Do you really think this is a good idea? I mean, last week you said that you haven't gotten many opportunities here, and now that you finally have a chance for the World Heavyweight Championship, are you really going to put that on the line?" The camera pans to Bryan, watching some wrestling show that clearly isn't WWE on a small TV. He turns to the interviewer. "Josh, you're right, I haven't gotten many opportunities here in the past. But we have to look to the future, don't we? Follow me."

Bryan exits the locker room area, walking with purpose through the hallways of the arena, the blue MITB case in hand. Matthews follows behind. "You see Josh, when I first got here all my friends told me that I made it. I was in the best wrestling company in the world. But the way I see it, the WWE can't be the best wrestling company in the world if it doesn’t show the best wrestling in the world…"

Bryan stops at the curtains of Gorilla position. "The most important thing, to me, is putting on a fantastic match every night. For the last year, I haven't done that, and not because I haven't tried. It's because I haven't been challenged. So I'm challenging myself. I'm using this briefcase to demonstrate my worth, not just to the WWE universe but to myself. When I've proven that I have the mettle to be champion, I will be. And there's no better way to do that than by raising the stakes, every single time I step in that ring. I'm putting it all on the line, literally and figuratively. Allow me to demonstrate." Without another word, Bryan steps through the curtain. Both Bryan and Matthews outdid themselves improvising here - the crowd reaction was at least as good as the show-opening world title promo, which is saying something.

- - - - -

- This week's self-imposed challenge is Daniel Bryan vs Brodus Clay. As these things go, a a typical big man versus small man match. Brodus gets the upper hand early in the match with a battering shoulder block as Bryan was running the ropes, getting a 2 count. After a failed Body Avalanche by Brodus, Bryan starts to build momentum, attacking the big man's legs with hard kicks and a triangle choke followed by nasty looking elbows, leading into a snug cobra clutch. Clay is trapped, and has to tap.

- - - - -

- In the back, Randy Orton and John Cena are talking about their upcoming tag team match. Orton makes it clear that the two of them are not friends, but allies of convenience. Cena agrees, telling Orton that while he has by no means forgotten about their history, the sheer power of Mark Henry and the craven opportunism of Christian are going to leave no room for any loss of focus. They agree to put aside the past and prevail, if just for tonight.

- - - - -

- We finally come to our main event, with John Cena and Orton arriving first followed by Mark Henry (flanked by Langston, now in a suit) and the World Heavyweight Champion, Christian. Once the bell rings, it's a solidly even even back-and-forth, with Henry shrugging off everything but double-teams and Cena going hold-for-hold with Christian, until the final minutes, when Orton and Christian both end up depleted after Christian hits two snap suplexes on Orton, only to get knees to the gut on an attempted frog splash. Both men end up crawling for their hot tags. They would both hit at once - but Langston is outside and cuts Cena off the apron! Henry is tagged in and hits the WSS on Orton before Cena can shake Langston and break the pin.

- - - - -

- The post-match soon descends into pandemonium as Cena rams Langston into the barricade to shake him off, then comes to the aid of Orton as Henry is about to beat him down. They double-whip Henry but the big man shoulder blocks them both on the rebound, leaving them reeling. Christian (lurking on the outside since the bell) scrambles up the turnbuckle to hit a frog splash on Cena before he can get up, but does so just as Henry moves to pull up Orton and finds himself at the receiving end of a big RKO! The two haggard teams retreat to their corners and stare each other down from crouch position to end the show.

Happyman posted:

- Worldwide TV Ratings:
RAW: 22,540.000 viewers
SmackDown: 20,313,000 viewers
Impact: 8.370.260 viewers

Basic Chunnel posted:

TNA: I wasn't expecting the new signees to make an... effect so soon. Purging the low card of chaff was a good move. Shame about all the chaff on the high card. But you'll get there. I like Steiner for absurd segments but the idea of him on top of the company is less interesting - at this point he's got, what, a year or two tops before he completely breaks down?

IcePhoenix posted:

I'm just glad Teddy is still making tag matches

Basic Chunnel posted:

Unfortunately we may have to get him a new gimmick because the only two tag teams we have on roster at this point are Khali / Mahal and the Chickbusters.

Basic Chunnel posted:

Here's my feedback on the "competition":

RAW

Luigi Thirty posted:

I think we should normalize these ratings by dividing them by 8.

Raw: 2.87
SD: 2.53
Impact: 1.04

That sounds about right for TV ratings?

Basic Chunnel posted:

drat TNA got slapped pretty hard in week-to-week numbers. That's what you get for sacking the hot prospect Matt Morgan.

quote:

3rd Generation Confrontation! Michael McGillicuty opens up about facing down with The Rock during a training session!

Rumors have been circulating about what exactly The Rock has been up to since his appearance as host of Wrestlemania 27, but one WWE Superstar has confessed to WWE.Com that he spotted The Great One at a WWE Training Center in his native Florida. The man with the story is one-half of the WWE Tag Team Champions, Michael McGillicuty. Here's the statement he gave to WWE.Com Reporters:

The Rock? Yeah, I saw him. I was down in Orlando, putting some work in so I'd be ready to defend my tag title. Saw some scrub in the ring applying the worst Sharpshooter I've ever seen to a sparring partner, so I heft my title belt and tell the trainees that if Bret Hart did a Sharphshooter like that, MY DAD would have been King of Ring and probably a 5-time World Champ instead of him. The scrub drops his victim and asks me what my name is, but before I can tell him he's like, 'IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!' I knew I really mes- I mean, I knew what I was getting into when he gets out of the ring and gets in my face. So I shove my title in his face, and I tell him 'Look Brahma Bull, I'm the son of Mr Perfect, the grandson of The Axe, and the current WWE Tag Team Champion. You wanna go, lets get in the ring and go!' So, of course, he backs down, gives me my props as fellow 3rd Generation Star, and invites me into the ring for a friendly photo op. Anyone who tells you anything else happened, they're lying, you got it?

Other eyewitness reports state that McGillicuty's confrontation with The Rock involved a lot more cowering and ego stroking in the hopes of avoiding a fight than the Tag Champ's account, but they remain unverified. Also unverified are reports that moments after this photo was taken, The People's Champion ambushed McGillicuty with the Rock Bottom and hit The People's Elbow to the resounding cheers of the trainees.

quote:

WE GOT NO FEAR, NO DOUBT, ALL IN, BALLS OUT!

***

NO CHANCE! Vince McMahon is here to open Monday Night Raw, and he's wearing his best Salesman's Smile. "Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight you are PRIVILEGED to witness history. I'm not talking about fake history, some moment that everyone is already forgetting because I said so. I'm talking about REAL history. Vince McMahon Approved History! Because tonight, MY company will present the Semi-Final matches for MY Championship Tournament, and the winners will fight for the right to be MY Champion at Summerslam! Frankly, I'm not really sure if Indianapolis is a worthy stage for something this tremendous, but here we are. No need to thank me."

"So, the question is, who will be our new Champion? Will it be Raw's newest talent, the daredevil Justin Gabriel? I suppose its possible. Will it be the Must-See Superstar, The Miz? A distinct possibility. Will it be MEXICO'S GREATEST EXPORT, MR. MONEY IN THE BANK, ALBERTOOOOOOOO DEL RIOOOOOOO? Or, will it be... Rey. Mysterio. I can tell you one thing for sure, it will NOT be Rey Mysterio. Let me tell all you people something about your precious Rey Mysterio: Rey Mysterio is a LOSER! He was a loser in WCW, he was a loser when I brought him here in 2003, and he's a loser today! For ten years, I've protected that little ingrate. I've kept him from being humiliated night after night, let people believe he's some kind of super hero. I've got news for you Rey: this is the real world, super heroes aren't real and people like you get STEPPED ON! The only reason I even tolerated your presence for all these years is because these people bought their children anything I slapped your face on, just like they did for Cena! But you know something Rey? You're not worth it. And tonight, in the Main Event I GARUN-drat-TEE, that without me protecting you, Alberto Del Rio is going to beat you within an inch of your life!"

***

Kofi Kingston (w/ Evan Bourne) vs Jack Swagger (w/ Drew McIntyre). These two went back and forth, Kofi using his agility and aerial offense while Swagger counters with power, deflecting attacks and focusing on the lower body to ground him. Swagger piles damage on the left leg and eventually goes for an Ankle Lock, but Kofi manages to counter into an inside cradle! Swagger forces free, but Kofi is up first, balances on one leg, and hits Trouble In Paradise! He covers for the win!

***

There's a brawl after the match, but the heels beg off quickly when they get dumped by tandem dropkicks. Kofi grabs a mic: "For years, that's what we've been dealing with! Hand picked boys like them, boys who Vince wanted on top, throwing their weight around. Me and Evan are two of the best, and we've NEVER gotten a fair chance! We're expected to know our place. That's DONE! We created Air Boom because we know how to fly, BAY-BEE, and we're going to fly strait up through that glass ceiling! Last week the Champs screwed us because they KNOW we're better than them! But we are not going anywhere." The crowd liked the words, but Kofi's delivery was a bit wooden.

***

Hype video for Richie Steamboat. This one has a more nostalgic tone, focusing on Richie's childhood. We see home movies and photos of young Richie. Ricky The Dragon discusses how Richie grew up as wrestler's son, and the bond they share as family and mentor-to-student. Finally, he discusses the legendary moment when he won the world title and brought Richie into the ring with him: "I held that belt in one hand and my son in the other. They weighed about the same, which was good since I'd just gone about 40 minutes with Ric Flair and couldn't lift much. I remember thinking 'there's never going to be a moment bigger than this in my life. The two best things I ever made, held up for the world to see, people everywhere cheering. This is my peak.' But you know, I was wrong, because the real biggest moment is going to be when that little boy hoists the World Championship, just like I did. Hell, maybe he'll pick me up in his other arm! HAHAHA!"

Richie Steamboat: Coming soon to Monday Night Raw!

***

Backstage, we find a surprise: former New Nexus member Mason Ryan! Several people welcome him back, but he's stopped in his tracks by a couple of slender hands on his pecks: its The Bella Twins. "Oooh, look Nikki! Its Mason Ryan, back from his injury!" "The Colossus of Cardiff! It's so exciting!" "You know Mason, you came back at a perfect time. See, we've been looking for a REAL man." "Someone who can really... satisfy us, you know?" "Take care of all our... needs?"

Mason gets a smirk on his face as their fingernails trace along his chiseled chest, and says a proper English gent would never refuse a request from a lady, and they can see there's plenty of him to share. The Bellas consider for a moment... then laugh in his face. "Sorry Mason. Its not that we don't appreciate your sweet bod, but that face... we really need somebody who hasn't had fifty pints broken against their jaw after the rugby match." "Yeah, if you came without the head, like one of those Greek statues or whatever, maybe?" "Brie, I think we're going to have to look into that guy we've been hearing about after all." "I agree. Ciao, Mason!" Needless to say, Ryan does not look pleased, and Cole informs us that unfortunately for his opponent, Mason Ryan returns to the ring next!

***

Mason Ryan vs A Local Athlete! Ryan clearly has something to prove after being shot down by the Bellas, and comes in at full steam. He dismantles the poor jobber in the ring with ease and get the win off the Cobra Clutch Slam.

***

Backstage, Kelly Kelly is making small talk with a random staff member when Beth Phoenix comes up behind her. “Kelly, we need to talk about your Summerslam match.”

“Oh, against Natalya?” K2 giggles, “I've beaten her once, I'm sure I'll beat her again! And once I beat her, Raw will fina-”

“Don't brush off Natalya just because you've beaten her in the past! I've been training with her these past few weeks and... something's gotten into her. She's got this new determination and there's this fire in her eyes...”

“I'm the Divas Champion,” Kelly pouts. “I don't need to patronized like this!”

Kelly turns around to walk away but Beth grabs her by the arm and turns her back around. “You need to listen to me right now. You need to get serious about this match with Natalya or you WILL lose. That match with Eve last week? If that's your absolute best, you're going to have to step it up to a whole other level if you want to have even a hope of winning. This is more than some 'brand supremacy' pissing contest, Kelly. I'm scared. If you don't stop her at Summerslam, I think she's going to hurt a lot of women to keep herself on top. You know me. The Glamazon doesn't do fear. But I'm afraid now, of one of my best friends. If you don't step up... there might be no stopping her.”

***

Back in the ring, its R-Truth vs Alex Riley! Riley starts off hot but Truth cut off his momentum with a sweep kick and a sidewalk slam to take control. Truth poured on damage once he had his stride, taking Riley to the proverbial woodshed. A-Ry managed a last gasp of hope, whipping Truth for a clothesline, but Truth ducked and nailed the Lie Detector on the rebound. 1, 2, 3! Truth wins.

***

In-Ring, Michael Cole conducts an interview with the Tag Champs, David Otunga and Michael McGillicuty! Cole asks them if they interfered with the #1 Contender's Match last week because they can't beat Air Boom. Otunga says that Air Boom are a couple of crybabies and for all they've accomplished they'd still rather blame the Corporation instead of taking responsibility when they come up short. They attacked Air Boom because they deserved it, nothing more. Cole then asks McGillicuty if they are more worried about their #1 contenders, Ryder and Santino. Big McG scoffs at the notion of those two having the brains to stand up to a Harvard lawyer or the talent to face a 3rd Generation Superstar... but his rant is interrupted by the challengers themselves!

Santino Marella speaks first: "Now, listen to me Magillagorilla and Tounge-O! Santino Marella is not going to sit back there while you besmirch-a his good name! In case you've forgotten, I was a Double-Double-E Tag Team Champion only a few months ago! If you think you can withstand the power of the COBRA, you are making a sadly mistaken! And you also have to contend with my new partner, The Island TZ Long, Zach Ryder! Because if there's one thing TZ Long knows, its tag matches!"

Zach Ryder grabs the mic "You KNOW it, bro!... whatever you said. And by the way, do you two think anybody is buying your story that you're not afraid of Air Boom? Are you serious, bros? Here's a newsflash: if you guys picked us to fight because we're the 'weaker team,' you're getting a rude awakening at Summerslam! And once that gold is gone, you're going back to what you were before you won it, a scum-sucking bottom feeder, and a lawy... TWO scum-sucking bottom feeders!" Before this explodes, John Laurinaitis shows up and announces the tag challengers have a match RIGHT NOW!

***

Santino and Ryder vs Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins. Santino plays the face in peril, with Reks and Hawkins tagging in and out to cut the ring in half and lay in the double-team. In a great tease, Hawkins pulls Ryder off the apron and takes his spot, mocking Santino by reaching for the tag. Eventually Santino breaks free off a big neck breaker and hot-tags to Ryder, and Zach goes crazy on both men! He dumps Hawkins into the corner and hits the Broski Boot, then aims a Rough Ryder at Reks as Santino blind tags, but Reks counters, throwing Zach over his head, out of the ring... and onto Hawkins! Reks is in shock at the carnage, but has only a moment to gape before being spun around into a COBRAAAAA! The 1, 2, 3 was academic, and the #1 contenders made their statement!

***

Scott Stanford, plastic news robot, sets up an interview with someone more colorful and animated. "Ladies and gentlemen, my guest at this time: Rey Mysterio"

Stanford asks Rey for a reaction to Vince's statements. "You know Scott, from day one in WWE I had to justify myself. WWE is the Land of the Giants. It didn't matter that I was one of the most talented guys in a generation of geniuses. It didn't matter than I could run faster, hit harder and fly higher than any luchador who came before me. It didn't matter that I was one of a handful who made Lucha Libre's traditions matter in the US. The only thing that mattered is that Vince thought a guy my size couldn't be the Champion."

"You know what Vince means when he said he 'protected,' me, Scott? He denied me the chance to fight at the highest level, refused to book me in matches against his 'giants.' I'm sure he'd tell you he did it so I wouldn't get injured fighting guys I had no chance against, but that's not the truth. The truth is, he knew somewhere in his black little heart that I would have slayed every one of his precious giants. Now, imagine what I would do if I was motivated. If someone gave me a really good reason to teach them a lesson, like Alberto Del Rio did at Money In the Bank? Well, you don't have to imagine. One time a guy did give me a reason. His name was Randy Orton. You know what happened? I became the World Champion by taking him apart, piece by piece."

"Tonight, the world is going to see what Rey Mysterio can do when he's motivated. From LA to London to Tokyo... to Chicago. To everybody watching me, I've got one message: Rey Mysterio is the best in WWE. If anyone disagrees, I will take them on any time they want. Boo-ya-ka!"

***

Back at the announce desk Cole hypes what's yet to come: "You don't want to miss that Main Event Tournament Semi-Final bout, folks. But coming up next, we've got our first semi-final match! It's Justin Gabriel taking on my personal pick, The Miz! It's not just about the WWE Championship for these four men, but personal pride! Let's take a look back at what led to these heated confrontations!"

We see a montage: Rey Mysterio confronting Del Rio over unmasking him and threatening to put him in the hospital, with stills of his win over MacIntyre. Alberto Del Rio kicking Big Show's head in and mocking the injury, while threatening to win the title while still holding the MITB case. Justin Gabriel changing brands to Raw and talking about being inspired to fight the WWE machine, alongside his victory over Ziggler. Finally, The Miz's condemnation of the fans and promise to reclaim the World Title, played over his defeat of Morrison.

***

The Miz (w/ Maryse) vs Justin Gabriel!! In this semi-final bout for the Championship Tournament, Miz shows that aggressive streak he's been cultivating, ambushing Gabriel to force the bell. Gabriel is forced to cover up and absorb a lot of punishment as Miz lays into him. He traps Gabriel in the corner until the ref forces him to break with a four-count, but he backs off only long enough to fly in with the Awesome Clothesline! Cover! 1! 2! Foot on the rope!

Things look bleak for Gabriel as Miz gets several more two-counts... but after another few minutes Miz looks to have punched himself out! He stumbles back into a corner to catch his breath, and Gabriel delivers a Monkey Flip into a Standing Moonsault! 1! 2! KICK OUT! Miz remains helpless as Gabriel puts on an air show, move after move going unanswered. Gabriel's place in the Finals seems assured as he sets up the 450 Spla- "EXCUSE ME!"

At the top of the ramp Vikki Guerrero draws both Justin and the ref's attention. Gabriel hops down from the turnbuckle to tell the ref to ignore her, which is the opening Dolph Ziggler was waiting for! He enters the ring, Superkick loaded... and eats a lariat instead!

Gabriel pushes the US Champ out of the ring, talking traSKULL CRUSHING FINALE! The Miz covers off his desperate ambush, barely able to muster the strength to hook the leg! 1! 2! 3! The Awesome One advances to Summerslam and the finals to Michael Cole's sheer joy.

***

Miz is quick to make his getaway after his victory while the official checks on Gabriel. However, Ziggler is not done, and he falls on Gabriel like a starving jackal, picking the bones. Vikki encourages her boyfriend/client as he drops rapid-fire elbows on Gabriel's heart, and then pulls him into the Sleeper Hold, choking the life from him. Gabriel flails in the hold for nearly a full minute before going limp. Ziggler drops him to the mat, runs his fingers through his hair, and flicks some mixture of hairspray, sweat and SHAME right in Gabriel's face before making a triumphant departure.

***

To the backstage area, where Scott Stanford is standing by with Alberto Del Rio. Stanford tries to ask Alberto about his match coming up in a few minutes but is cut off. "Can you feel it in the air? This feeling... why it can only be... my DESTINY. Yes, I can see it so clearly now. I will crush that little perro, that puny little chihuahua Rey Mysterio tonight! Then I go on to main event Summerslam! Mysterio... he talks about a man who is no longer in this company, a man who ran away like a coward! Mysterio, he can't help but talk about this man like he's some kind of hero every chance he gets, and its pathetic! Then he talks about how I, Alberto Del Rio, do not respect the heritage and traditions of Lucha Libre..." Alberto pauses for a moment in the middle of his furious rant and leans in close to Stanford, the fury in his face almost seamlessly morphing into a poo poo-eating grin. "And he's right. Outdated ideals and honor, all of that is a game for peasants like him! The moment I left the Lucha culture behind, I gained greater success than Mysterio ever had! My family was given glory by Lucha, but glory was my birthright! I owe Lucha Libre NOTHING!

"So tonight, I dispose of that masked rat. Then, at Summerslam, my Destiny finally begins. The WWE Universe better get used to seeing the face of Alberto Del Rio, because once I am the first man to be WWE Champion AND Mister Money in the Bank, the future of this industry will belong to me! ...But you already knew that." And with a wink, Del Rio heads off for his match.

***

The Main Event! Alberto Del Rio (w/ Ricardo Rodriguez) vs Rey Mysterio! While Del Rio enters with all his usual pomp, announced by Ricardo and driving a 1953 Rolls-Royce Silver Wraith worth over $100,000...



Rey by contrast is all business; he doesn’t even give a kid a mask today! He talk about being "motivated," was clearly not for show! The two of them start off aggressively, strike after strike. Rey looks to be out for Del Rio’s hide, and Del Rio is even more aggressive than usual in response. The two of them go back and forth, trading blows and counters, until Del Rio manages to put Rey in the Tree of Woe! He goes to stomp on him, but Rey grabs his leg and trips him! Before he can recover, Rey sits up, turning around on the top rope. He points to the ceiling and crosses himself, a familiar tribute to his friend Eddie Guerrero! Rey leaps into the air and hits Del Rio with a picture perfect Frog Splash in the center of the ring! 1! 2!... 2.9! KICK OUT!!!

Rey can’t believe it. He holds his arm up to the ref, claiming that it was 3… only for Alberto to grab that arm and lock in the Cross-Armbreaker! Children in the arena are screaming for Rey to get up, while Alberto is screaming at Rey in aggressive Spanish. Mysterio inches his way across the ring, reaching for the rope…and grabs it! The Referee counts: 1...2...3...4… Alberto lets go at the last possible second, and in his fury, reaches for Rey’s face, grabbing the mask once again! Rey brings his hands up to protect his head as Alberto finally rips the cloth free! He hoists it up in triumph…

But behind him, Rey is still masked! Lawler shouts Rey must have seen this coming, which is why he didn't give his outer mask to a kid at ringside! Alberto is caught totally unawares as Rey sets up a hurricanrana, vaulting Alberto to the middle rope with Rey’s extra mask still in hand! The crowd blows up as Rey dials it up, hitting Alberto with the 619! Alberto collapses in the middle of the ring, and Rey goes up one last time for the Swan Dive Splash! 1! 2…3! Rey wins! He gives the mask Alberto grabbed to a kid in the crowd, and celebrates! Lawler says Mr. McMahon's so-called "Garun-drat-tee," came up short, and Rey Mysterio is going to Summerslam! Raw comes to a happy close.

***

Overall Rating: B+

quote:

Hey guys, it's your pal Jeremy D Borash here! Bad news: I was caught by the security staff stealing personal belongings from other comatose patients on the floor. Now I'm hiding out in a broom closet sleeping in a bed of dirty scrubs and subsisting on the uneaten hospital food they throw away. But dammit, I'm gonna get that promotion! Here's Mauro Ranallo, Taz, and Mike Tenay

Scott Steiner comes down to the ring holding the Steiner mask and baseball bat, laughing and showing them to the crowd and bragging about taking Bischoff out. He gets into the ring and circles around a bit, holding the bat high above his head. He tosses the bat aside and points to the hard cam. "So I heard you fat internet nerds were complaining about me being in two places at once after my match and attacking that little putz Eric Bischoff. Well, I've got a few things to say to that. Number one, SHUT THE gently caress UP! Number two, SHUT THE gently caress UP! Number three, I'm the Genetic Freak! The laws of physics don't apply to me! I've got the largest arms in the world, and I can use them to bend space and time to suit my will!" Steiner flexes, showing off his massive biceps, at which point Hulk Hogan comes out! Hogan is furious at Steiner's treachery, and announces that at Hardcore Justice, a tournament will begin that will conclude at No Surrender. Not only any tournament though, a tournament involving the biggest, baddest men in the world, to crowd the Best At Super Hossing PRESENTED BY HOSS' LOADED BURGERS, all gunning to take down you, Steiner! And the last man standing in the tournament will recieve a TNA World Championship match as Bound For Glory!


Austin Aries vs. Douglas Williams. It's a back and forth bout, but when Williams prepares to hit the Chaos Theory Suplex, he gets distracted by #DEMBOYS The Briscoes attacking Magnus at ringside while doing the rebel yell, allowing Aries to hit the Zapruder Film (Brainbuster) and steal the win!

Beer Money has a celebration in the ring with their belts for the fans, but call Hernandez a pussy for faking an injury last week. Hernandez arrives on the ramp and laughs, saying that the most important thing in this business is to win when it matters most. As it turns out, Anarquia was holding back SuperMex, and he's got some new faces to stick by him. Out comes...Jack Evans? Wearing a tiny sombrero? Jack has a mic and explains that he's wrestled in Mexico so much, they made him an honorary Mexican. As Hernandez walks to the ring, Prince Puma comes from the crowd and lays out James Storm from behind with a chair! Robert Roode, try as he might, cannot overcome the trio of Hernandez, Evans, and Puma and is also beaten down.

Le Brian Kendrick and Tony Nese versus Jeff Cobb and Mark Haskins. A back and forth affair as Cobb yells insults at the flippy men while throwing them around. Le Brian Kendrick gets the pin on Haskins after hitting the "Well, Actually" (Sliced Bread #2). Commentary talks about how tired and sloppy Kendrick looks, maybe he's got jet lag or the flu?

Madison Rayne, Angelina Love, Winter, and Mickie James come to the ring and demand explanations. Angelina and Madison talk about the days of The Beautiful People, and wonder when the former third member of the group could have possibly made time to find Io Shirai, let alone be in a committed relationship. They bring up doubts about the....fidelity...of the supposed "Hot Skyjin Wife", at which point The Shirais, Misaki Ohata, and The Hot Skyjin Wife arrive, and Skyjin makes one point abundantly clear, the reason why so many wicked people are shocked by this is that they don't have the trust in people that they could, while she and her lovely Io have unquestioned trust in one another, and to insult that trust is to insult everything their love is, was, and ever will be! A challenge is set, and agreed to, at Hardcore Justice, it will be Madison Rayne, Angelina Love, Winter, and Mickie James against The Shirais, Misaki Ohata, and The Hot Skyjin Wife!


Eric Young vs. Samoa Joe. Close back and forth between Joe and Young. Near the very end Joe hits a brutal looking German Suplex for a close two count. As Young is laying on the ground Joe signals for the Coquina Clutch! Wait. Who is that in the crowd-IT'S MR. ANDERSON! And there he goes, running to the ring. As he hops the barricade, Anderson stares down Samoa Joe... And gets hit with a chair shot from behind by Okado! Okada nods to Joe, who then nods back in return, and locks in the Coquina Clutch! Young taps out! Joe Wins!


TV Champion Il Generico is backstage with Christy Hemme. "So, Il Generico, you've made quite a splash in the Impact Zone, winning the TV Title in your first match!" Generico nods and smiles, raising the belt. "Si...si..." Generico trails off, seeming to barely understand English as he gawks at Christy. Christy continues "You are known across the world for your amazing heart. Whether in the ring facing insurmountable odds or out of it; raising money for various charitable causes. Tell us why you are here in the Impact Zone." Generico nods, "Uhhh.....Me gusta....los orphans!" he says, transfixed by Christy, gently reaching out an arm towards her. Christy is about to ask another question when Gunner attacks! Gunner delivers a clubbing blow to Generico, sending him sprawling and the title flying. Gunner delivers a few stomps to Generico then picks up the title. "This....this is gonna be mine. You, me at Hardcore Justice!!" He throws the title at Generico as Chrity watches, stunned.

Future Shock vs couple of local jobbers. Kyle puts on a jujitsu display and bends a jobber in weird directions a bunch then tags in Cole who hits the Last Shot then gets the pin.

The Tango Turkey AJ Styles comes out to the ring with his Boys, who bend over backwards to form a human chair for him. Styles grabs a mic and reclines onto the Boy Chair. ""So maybe....just maybe....I underestimated the reaction people would have when they saw my transformation. I went on social media this week and was absolutely bombarded! I saw people literally losing their minds at what I felt was there all along. [A montage of various reaction videos, pictures, and tweets including one completely blurred out from NewJack420]. What I had thought that everyone with a pair of eyes would have been able see: the true me hidden deep inside that was trying to escape. Clawing, screaming, buried alive underneath all the shame, all the frustration. And so like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly, I retreated to my cocoon. A beautiful secluded bungalow on Fire Island. A place where I could go that didn't have cell service, it didn't have internet, or TV. It was completely isolated from the rest of the world. And there, I spent a week stripping away all the bonds keeping the true me held back! It was there....I met my boys."" AJ gestured to the boy chair and smiled.

He's interrupted by Frankie Kazarian's music! Kaz comes out and stands at the top of the ramp, his face flushed red with anger, tear stains slightly visible on his cheeks as his eyes are concealed by sunglasses. He points towards the ring ""How........how could you?!!?! How could you do this to us?!!?"" Kaz pauses as maybe he looks a little...choked up? ""How could you turn your back on Fortune? How could you turn your back on your brothers? We are fighting for our careers, for our livelihoods right now with Immortal in charge! We need to have each other's backs! And you go, you run off to some Island to 'find yourself'!!"" Frankie sneers ""You took a vacation and left us high and dry!"" Frankie pauses again, collecting himself momentarily before the rage boils up to the surface ""YOU TURNED YOUR BACK ON US!!"" He shouts, his face crimson with fury. "HOW COULD YOU FORGET WHAT WE WENT THROUGH, WHAT WE MEANT TO EACH OTHER?!?!" A slideshow starts on the video wall behind Kazarian showing the members of Fortune in better times. Then a photo of Kazarian and Styles together, goofing off backstage. The photos become more personal, Styles and Frankie eating dinner together, Styles and Frankie coming out of the showers in towels, then them hugging in tuxedos at what might be Kazarian or Styles' wedding.

Styles looks shocked at the reaction from Frankie. ""Frankie....I.....I....just didn't..."" before Styles can finish, he is hit with a singapore cane! It's THE FALLEN ANGEL, CHRISTOPHER DANIELS! He beats on Styles and the boys as Kazarian sprints to the ring and joins in on the beat down. They leave all three destroyed men in the ring as Daniels seems to be comforting a very distraught Kazarian. Is he crying?

Abyss and Bully Ray are quietly visiting Eric Bischoff in the hospital, and as they leave they're insulted by Alex Shelley, who wonders who in the world could possibly be concerned about the condition of such an awful person. Bully emotionally tells Alex to find back-up, because he's challenging him to a match at Hardcore Justice, Bully will bring his friends, Alex can bring his, a Hardcore Lumberjack match!

Kevin Steen enters the ring with his opponent, a fireman, already in the ring. The next 6 minutes are, in a few words, hopelessly one-sided as Steen proceeds to erect a momentous rear end-whooping. The match mercifully ends after a Papa Powerbomb by Steen. Steen after the match grabs a mic and declares to the crowd that he is a greater hero than all firemen. As he leaves, he holds up a picture of his son to the camera and yells “I did it for you Owen!”

Crimson storms into Hogan's office, yelling about he's undefeated, and he wants a match at Hardcore Justice. Hogan smiles and promises him a match that can lead him to TNA gold. In a Best At Super Hossing first round match, it will be The Undefeated Crimson vs. The Undefeated Kevin Steen!

A vignette of #DEMBOYS The Briscoes are in training at their chicken farm in beautiful Sandy Fork, Delaware. They proudly wear the stars and bars, chugging beer and throwing rusty farm equipment around. They insult British food, women, masculinity, and chicken farming techniques. The Briscoes finish their beers, then get out some guns and shoot up an old Mini Cooper while yelling unintelligibly. The word "gently caress" was censored 27 times. "Man up" was said 13 times. The vignette was 8 minutes long.


Sting vs. Abyss - Sting starts off in control for a brief period of time before he realizes that IT'S loving ABYSS! Abyss spends most of the match just... toying with him, like a cat would play with it's food. Sting does regain momentum for a brief period of time with a flurry of punches, but loses it again after Abyss counters an early Scorpion Death Drop attempt with a suplex. Sting is on the ground as Abyss goes for the corner slingshot splash... But Sting rolls out of the way! Sting sets Abyss in the corner... Stinger Splash! 1...2.-Kick Out!

Sting sets up for the Scorpion Deathlock! He locks it in- IT'S JARRET! JARRET OUTTA NOWHERE BEATING THE gently caress OUTTA STING! Ref calls for the DQ as Sting suffers the combined assault of Jarret and Abyss.

As Sting fights to get to his feet, he is clobbered by El Kabong! Jarrett stands tall as the show ends, holding the title in the air and taunting the Stinger. See you at Hardcore Justice!

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Show opens with a video recap of Impact, highlighting Immortal Explodes and AJ Styles attack at the hands of Daniels and Kazarian

Anthony Nese vs. Mark Haskins - Nese wins with a pin.

Jeff Cobb comes out for a stare down with Nese.

Christy Hemme Interview with The Big Boy Michael Elgin

Prince Puma and Jack Evans (Mexican Americans) vs The Boys (AR Fox and Zema Ion). Prince Puma and Jack Evans hit stereo 630 sentons, Puma Pins Ion

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Caller, you're on the air. Who is this and where are you calling from?

"It's your boy NewJack420 from South Philly."

Yes, New Jack.

"I've been watching TNA forever, but I just don't get what they're doin' now. The show makes even less sense than before! And they fired half the roster to replace 'em with people nobody's heard of? Yo, I've been into indie wrestling since ECW and I never heard of no Jeff Cobb. Where did they find him?"

Well, he's an Olympic amateur wrestler, started professional wrestling a few years ago in Hawaii and California. I guess they see potential in him. But I get what you mean. It seems like they wanted to dump the less... well, we'll say talented, members of their roster in favor of a bunch of indie geeks nobody's heard of outside of hardcores. But this isn't Ring of Honor here, they're a nationwide television product on cable trying to compete with WWE. They're going to have to turn these guys into stars and fast. But as long as the main event is still Sting and Hogan and Jarrett and the rest of the WCW roster, that could be a problem. Even if they've got a million viewers a week, how many are internet wrestling nerds? I just, I hope they know what they're doing for once. Thanks for the call.

Basic Chunnel posted:

uhh WOL doesn't exist in this universe, it's all about PGU

Basic Chunnel posted:

uhh WOL doesn't exist in this universe, it's all about PGU

Sorry I've been slow on SD posting, Long War 2 came out and then I got drunk

Smackdown For August Week 2 posted:

- Smackdown begins with Christian making his entrance. Christian can barely get out the words "One More Run" before Randy Orton's theme music interrupts him. Orton stalks to the ring and gets in Christian's face, stating that Christian should enjoy his title run while it lasts, because it's not going to last for much longer. "One more run is going to end in one... more... RKO." Barely containing his anger, Christian exclaims that he's getting sick of Orton trying to ruin his championship glory. Christian warns Orton that if he keeps this up, he might not even make it to Summerslam.

Christian and Orton have an intense staredown that looks like it's about to escalate to a fight. But before it can, Cody Rhodes's music hits! Rhodes, clad in his see-through mask, steps onto the stage with a microphone. Cody says that Orton doesn't deserve to be the #1 contender to the World Heavyweight title. Orton lost his temper and got himself disqualified to lose the title, proving that Orton cannot carry himself like a champion. Cody claims that during his time in Legacy, he learned everything about Orton. Indeed, Cody claims that he knows Orton better than Orton knows himself, because Orton is too guided by his violent impulses and the "voices in his head" to be self-aware.

Glaring at his former protege, Orton quietly states that if Cody thinks he knows Orton so well, he's free to try him. Orton says that while he may have to wait until Summerslam to get a piece of Christian, that doesn't mean that he has to wait until Summerslam to get a fight. Orton says that he's sure Teddy Long is watching, so Orton is going to come down to Teddy's office, and when he gets there, Teddy better have the match booked. Orton leaves the ring, briefly getting up in Cody's face, before turning his back to the two men gunning for him tonight.

- - - - -

- Our first match of the night is a quick one, as Natalya defeats Alicia Fox with the Sharpshooter. Natalya keeps the hold on for a few seconds longer after the bell, and when she finally releases it she yells a warning into the camera directed at Kelly Kelly.

- - - - -

- The second match is almost as quick as the first one, as Wade Barrett makes short work of Trent Baretta, nailing the hapless face with a right elbow that turns his legs to jelly.

- After the match, Barrett pulls an out-of-it Trent to seated upright position (upright as he can get, at least), then dashes against the ropes to hit a diving right elbow that knocks Baretta out cold. As the ref checks on his opponent, Barrett yells at the camera, saying that Ezekiel Jackson has his prize and this is what it takes to earn it.

- - - - -

- John Cena is shown in the back, making his way toward Teddy Long's office with purpose. When he strides into the office, Long is there, looking sheepish dwarfed by two men flanking him - Langston and a slender man with a slicked haircut and a black and red suit, the evidence of heavy tattooing protruding from his suit sleeves and collar. The man introduces him as "Mr. Graves" and claims to be "Mr. Henry's" liaison to Smackdown management, here to ensure Henry's interests are represented and respected.

Cena is unimpressed, says he doesn't care who Graves is or what his position is, he's here to make sure Long puts a stop to the constant interference by Henry's lackeys. At this, Langston steps up, starting a staredown that Cena doesn't flinch from - he just calmly tells the newcomer to watch where he steps, or he might regret it. Graves acts conciliatory from behind Langston's wall-like frame, saying that all parties are in agreement and that Long will deploy extra security tonight to make sure show plans go as scheduled.

Cena looks to Long, who just nods, unblinkingly. Cena shakes his head in exasperation and leaves the office, as Langston stares after him and Graves cracks a slow smile, hands in his suit pockets. (Langston just doesn't have the presence to carry in a segment like this, but the Graves guy was smooth on the mic and held his own with Cena. Not bad for a first-time appearance).

- - - - -

- No sooner had the camera feed cut out than John Cena's music hit, to the mixed delight of the crowd. The Great Khali was waiting motionless in the ring for their match. Continuing the night's trend, Cena ducks Khali's heavy blows and fights out of a vice grip easily before effortlessly bringing the giant up for the match-ending AA. Even though Long made good on his word to supply extra black-clad security (lining the ramp and outside), Cena seemed on edge throughout the match, looking out for interference that never came. He looked relieved as his hand was raised.

- - - - -

- After a break, we get tonight's Daniel Bryan MITB Open Challenge match, this one against a developmental talent coming up for a shot at the main roster (he seems... dirty, somehow). The cocky rookie has the hubris to try and match Bryan hold for hold, and while he puts up a decent fight, he can't help but tap to an unbreakable guillotine choke. (btw, the new security guys were still there throughout)

- - - - -

- After the match, Josh Matthews appears for an in-ring interview. He remarks that this victory for Bryan must have been an easy one coming against a wrestler in training, but the grappler vehemently disagrees. "The idea that I choose my opponents to make this easy couldn't be further from the truth. I have fought just about any capable wrestler on the WWE roster, I know them and I know how to beat them. But what these FCW guys lack in experience, they more than make up for in passion and drive, things that you can never quite predict, things you can never take lightly. Johnny Curtis, the Rotunda boys, Titus O'Neill... To prove that I'm the best in the present, I test myself against the future. Don't dismiss these guys. I don't when I'm in the ring with them. And it only makes me better." (this was, btw, an out-of-the-blue triumph of delivery by Bryan. By the end of it you'd think they'd shipped in a crowd from 1999. On par with the hottest main event talent segments tonight).

- - - - -

- We take another break, after which we get a face off between Langston (shedding his suit for ring gear as he passes the burly security men down the ramp) versus a young, strutting jobber by the name of Xavier Woods. Woods tries some basic mat grappling to neutralize the big man's strength advantage but it doesn't work, Langston reversing a side headlock into an impressive deadlift samoan drop. Langston hits the Dominator and it's all over.

- After the match, none other than Mark Henry casually strolls down to the ring, in a powder white suit and a cigar in his mouth. Langston waits expectantly for him in the ring, and when Henry takes his place at the side of the ring, he simply nods at his protege.

Without warning, Langston leaps over the still- fallen Woods and rebounds the ropes with startling grace, before jumping to get even more startling air on a big body splash. Woods writhes in pain and Langston gets up to look at Henry again, who just stares. Again Langston leaps into action to hit a second splash, which causes Woods to flop around like a fish on deck. As Langston looks to Henry for a third time, the green lights start flashing and we hear John Cena's music once again!

Cena comes sprinting out of the back to stop the violence to a cheer from the crowd, but before he can make it halfway down the ramp, the amassed security swarms him, not giving an inch. Langston looks back to Henry, who nods again, then runs for a third splash that leaves Woods limp. As he does so, an audible roar is heard as Cena breaks through security like a freight truck through drywall, sprinting again for the ring in a rage.

But Langston just slides out to the announcer's ringside where Henry waits. With Cena fired up in the ring, Henry and Langston begin walking to the back, security stepping out of the way with deference. Cena taunts and goads them loudly but neither even turn to acknowledge the man, leaving him fuming under the spotlights.

- - - - -

- Our main event is, by the will of Teddy Long, Randy Orton vs. "Disfigured" Cody Rhodes! Meanwhile the World Heavyweight Champion, Christian, joins the commentary desk for haughty and angry critique of the match.

The two former Legacy members square off, Randy looking nervy with anticipation and Rhodes looking focused, and they tie up before breaking into a fistfight that Orton gets the upper hand on, causing Cody to retreat to the outside. From there it's a lot of outside brawling, with count restarts, use of barricade and steps to take bumps, and some trash talk between Orton and Christian. During the melee, Cody hits Orton from behind and knocks him into Christian at ringside, before bringing him back into the ring to set up the Cross Rhodes. But as he turns, Orton spins out of the move, rolling to a crouched position, and launching into the air for an RKO out of nowhere on the recovering Rhodes! It gets the 3.

- Literally seconds after the 3 is counted, Orton is recovering and lets his guard down enough for Christian to rush in, smashing the WHC belt plate on the back of his head! Christian is a man possessed, battering his rival with the belt to deafening boos, before tossing it aside and standing over him, panting for a few moments, still and looking down. Then he seems to have a thought, as he brings up Randy and irish whips him arm-first into the ring post! He wastes no time pulling up his rival and doing the same for the other post across the ring. Through his translator, Matt Striker expresses shock at this sudden attack, but Booker T points out that Christian is employing a smart strategy - presumably, a healthy arm is critical to pulling off an RKO at full strength.

Christian stomps on Orton's right arm and shoulder with abandon and vitriol, again and again as the bell continually rings. He finally looks out to the jeering crowds with a pinched, dawning look in his face, then sets Orton up in the middle of the ring - rather than go for his patented Killswitch, he leaves Orton on the ground, tangling the opponent's left arm around his foot and bracing the back against his legs. He grabs Orton's right arm by the hand, stretching it out in front of him as both the commentary booth and the collective crowd begin to cry out in anticipation and shock - but before Christian can go through with what was sure to be a vicious maneuver, multiple refs storm the ring and break it up! He's crowded to the other side of the ring, but not before he can grab his title and hold it aloft as the crowd roars its disapproval to end Smackdown.

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