quote:

NO CHANCE! THAT'S WHAT YOU'VE GOT! Its a cold open as Vincent Kennedy McMahon, the Chairman of the Board, makes his way to the ring with a grim expression. Michael Cole and Jerry "The King," Lawler welcome us to Monday Night Raw, live from Green Bay, Wisconsin. We are less than 24-hours removed from Money In The Bank and the historic victory, and even more historic departure, of the current WWE Champion: CM Punk.

The crowd is absolutely raucous, and Vince is drowned in 'CM Punk,' chants three times as he attempts to start his address. Finally, he powers through: "Last night, this company... MY company was embarrassed. My company was embarrassed, my family was embarrassed, and most importantly, I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed by a man you all consider to be a 'hero.' Well that man, who's name I will NOT speak... ('CM Punk!' 'CM Punk!')... THAT MAN is not a hero! He is nothing more than a petty! Ungrateful! Selfish! PIECE! OF HUMAN! GARBAGE! And he has stolen, STOLEN, something that is rightfully mine! If I had anything to say about it, he would walk out to this ring RIGHT NOW so I could wring his scrawny neck myself, and take back MY championship, personally!"

After letting the crowd roar at this notion, Vince continues: "But... but, unfortunately for me, he is not here tonight. (Boooooo!) That's right, ladies and gentlemen, your hero isn't here tonight. You know why? Because when he walked out of Chicago with the WWE Championship, he was abandoning you. Even as you cheered and celebrated, he was leaving you, the audience, and every person behind that curtain who admires him, behind. Like the greedy ingrate he is, C-*ahem* ('CM PUNK!' 'CM PUNK!) THAT! MAN! has gotten what he wanted, and so he has abandoned you!"

"You all THINK that you got what you wanted too! You think that man stood up for the little guy, struck a blow for the people, gave Vince McMahon a much-needed punch to the face. I'm willing to bet that you'll even cheer for this little announcement: earlier today, as I promised, for failing to defeat that man, JOHN CENA! IS! FIIIIIIRED!" This indeed prompts a huge cheer. "John Cena will never return to Monday Night Raw! Its just like you always dreamed it would be when one of 'your guys,' finally won the big one, right? But I have news for all of you people! I'm still here! VINCE MCMAHON IS STILL STANDING! AND YOUR HERO IS NOT COMING BACK!"

"So, since I am the one still standing, as always, whatever I say goes. And I say that man is, from this day forward, erased from WWE history! Last night never. Even. Happened. And that means that since John Cena has been fired, we don't have a WWE Champion. So tonight, on Monday Night Raw, we will start an 8-man Tournament! The two finalists will face off at Summerslam to name a new WWE Champion! And the first match of that tournament is going to be RIGHT! NOW! ...Boy, this is exciting, isn't it? A new champion, and it could be almost anyone. But the best part is, I know... and you know... exactly who it WON'T be." Vince smirks as he holds up the mic, and allows the crowd to chant: CM Punk. CM Punk. CM Punk.

***

Rey Mysterio vs Drew McIntyre! BOOYAKA BOOYAKA! Rey was out first for the first match of the tournament, taking his time with the crowd and handing out head-touches and extra masks to the kids. Drew McIntyre was naturally not as friendly. Rey starts out fast and tries to keep Drew off balance, but the Scotsman manages to take control and keep him grounded. Commentary put over The Chosen One as a young stallion out to make a name off Rey's back, using his significant size, weight, power and youth advantage over Mysterio to great effect. Rey continues trying to get into the air to get the crowd behind him, but McIntyre manages to take him back down time and time again.

However, when he sets up the Future Shock underhook DDT, Rey shows veteran instincts and still-peerless agility, countering the hold into a hurricanrana! A flurry of quick moves culminates in a snap drop-toe-hold, setting up the 6! 1! 9! Rey wastes no motions going straight up the turnbuckle and into the dead fish splash! 1, 2, 3! Misterio moves on to the semifinals!

***

"Backstage, Brie and Nikki, the Bella Twins, seem to be looking for something. They pause to stare at a few passing men, mumbling to each other, but ultimately moving on. Finally, they catch sight of a familiar figure leaning against a wall: its Brooklyn's own JTG!

They approach from behind and try to catch his attention: "Heeey, its JTG!" "Money money, yeah, yeah!" "Right? I always loved that! I mean, the catchphrase, not money." "We're not the kind of shallow women who are only into money!" "Of course not! J knows that, don't you J?"

JTG seems to be nodding along to their words, and replies with a 'drat strait,' to Nikki's question, so the girls push forward even though he doesn't look their way. "Listen J, Brie and I, we've been feeling kind of.... lonely recently." "Unfulfilled." "Exactly! Its like there's something missing from our lives." "We're ladies J, and ladies need to be cared for." "Pampered!" "Right? But the problem is... I mean, look at us! We're basically the hottest women on Earth." "And on top of that, we're twins. TWINS, J!" "The point is, most men just can't handle our... needs." "We need a REAL man J. A man who can satisfy our... needs." "So, how does that sound to you?"

"OH, drat, that sounds nasty as hell, man! Get outta here!" The Bellas, suitably shocked by this response, drop their temptress facades and walk off in a huff. JTG then turns to reveal that his hidden ear had a bluetooth headset! "Listen man, I'm sorry about your food poisoning, but I gots to go. Peace." He hits the button just as a stage hand walks by in disbelief, and quickly explains just what he missed out on. "drat... why I pick up my phone?"

***

David Otunga and Michael McGillicuty vs ????! The Tag Champions, cast-offs from the dissolution of the group known as Nexus, won their titles under 'controversial,' circumstances. Michael Cole's sources say this mystery opponent match was booked as some kind of test, but not by whom. The champs are kept waiting a few moments... and then a battle cry rings out! It's the haka of Jimmy and Jey, the Usos! They've jumped ship to Monday Night Raw!

Otunga finds himself quickly overwhelmed by the preferred pace of the Usos, who show off their flashy, acrobatic offense and their specialty with tandem moves. King demands to know what Smackdown guys are doing fighting Raw's champions, and Cole informs us that the Usos are not only twin brothers. They're the sons of retired Superstar Rikishi, and the heirs to the Anao'i Wrestling Dynasty, a family nearly as prolific in the sport as the Harts. The Anao'is have produced three of WWE's most decorated past tag teams: The Wild Samoans, The Samoan Swat Team, and 3 Minute Warning! Whoever signed these guys to test the Champs clearly has an eye for talent.

Despite the overwhelming attack, Otunga manages to gut out multiple pin attempts, showing impressive toughness. Jey looks for a satellite DDT, but Otunga counters with an inverted atomic drop and McGillicuty adds a dropkick, giving his partner the space needed to make the tag despite the referee's protestations. McGillicuty takes Jey apart with surgical precision, grounding him with amateur holds and attacking his legs. A superkick allows Jey to make the hot tag to Jimmy, but McGillicuty scouts his running lariat and counters with his one-armed swinging neckbreaker, the McGillicuter! Jimmy is out, and Otunga assists with a backbreaker hold, allowing Michael to finish the job with a diving elbow. 1, 2, 3, Champs Win!

***

After the commercial, we got a hype video showing highlights from Ricky Steamboat's career in the WWF. Spots from his best matches, his best promos, and his legendary feud with the late Macho Man. It closes on his World Championship win at Chi-Town Rumble '89, as he hoists up a small child in a green karate gi alongside the title belt, and the voice of Jim Ross saying "Ricky Steamboat with tears in his eyes, holding his youngster... and see what his dad won for him - for him - for him-im-im..." The echo fades into a music change and new footage, showing a lithe young wrestler executing many of the same maneuvers we just saw in those legendary highlights. Three particularly hard-hitting blows are interspersed with text: A NEW. DRAGON. RISES! Richie Steamboat, coming soon to Monday Night Raw

***

Back in the locker room, Otunga and McGilicutty are kicking back after their win when they're confronted by perhaps the most stereotypical businessman to ever live. In a gravely voice, he introduces himself: "Gentlemen! I'm John Laurenitis, Executive Vice President of Talent Relations. I don't think we've ever met in person before." The Tag Champs shake his hand.

"There's so many of you boys I've never gotten to meet in person even though I'm the guy who cuts your checks and signs your contracts. Its a drat shame, but I'm sure I don't have to tell a Harvard Lawyer how much paperwork my job entails, eh Mr. Otunga? And you, Mr. McGillicuty, a 3rd Generation Sports Entertainer. I'm sure I don't have to tell someone with your pedigree how many wheels need to keep spinning behind that curtain so you can perform? Still, that's no excuse really. My name's been coming up more and more since that... former employee mentioned it on-air during that incident several weeks back. What are the boys calling it? 'The Pipe Bomb?' Anyway, since people are talking about me, I figure its about time I get my hands a little dirty around here, if you catch my meaning. And I can already tell, you two? You've got a big future. Hiring you was clearly an Ace Move. Keep in touch, alright?" The tag champs seem very pleased by this encounter, and share a fist-bump.

***

Zach Ryder vs R-Truth! The Long Island Iced-Z was WOO WOO WOO'ing all the way to the ring. WOO! WOO! WOO! Shortly after R-Truth came out, mic in hand, no music playing. He started ranting as he made his way down. "You know what I know, Ryder!? You know, that I know, that you know, that I know... you don't know IT! And IT, Isn't even worth knowing! Bet you didn't know that!" I miss the rapping. Getting into the ring he paced around manically while bellowing into his mic. "But all the Little Jimmies, they know IT, and I know IT..." Taking to the center of the ring, Truth yelled, "So why don't you make some noise, MILWAUKEE WISCONSII... Nah nah nah, you know what, you Little Jimmies don't deserve IT! And you know IT!"

King loudly reminds Truth that "You're in Green Bay, you dolt!"

Match was above average back-and-forth action, aided by the crowd being hot for Truth getting their name wrong. R-Truth got the upperhand in the latter half and never let go of... it. Ryder almost pulled out the upset, countering an axe kick with a neckbreaker and going up top for the Rough Ryder, but Truth ducked underneath and nailed him with a Lie Detector in return. Truth wins in just under ten minutes.

***

"Excuuuuse me..." BOOOOO! "I SAID EXCUSE ME!" BOOOOO! The incomparable Vikki Guerrero faces her usual welcome, and screeches into the microphone so she can be heard over the heckling. "It is my honor to introduce: The greatest United States Champion in WWE History, my client AND boyfriend, The Showoff DOLPH ZIGGLER!" She claps as Dolph's music hits, and he offers her an arm to properly escort her to the ring.

Once they arrive, Ziggler speaks. "Can you believe it? Dolph Ziggler takes one night off and everything goes right down the toilet. There we were, snacking on strawberries in Miami Beach, enjoying a vacation due to lack of worthy challengers for my title. I tune in to Money In The Bank, and as I watch that event play out... I mean, when I'm not getting an eyeful of the world's sexiest woman in her leopard-print thong... What do I see in the main event? I see... nothing. You know why I saw nothing? Because Mr. McMahon said so." The crowd riles up with Punk chants, and Ziggler waits them out before moving on. "Anything Mr. McMahon says is good enough for Dolph Ziggler. That's why I don't have to fight UNWORTHY challengers like John Cena did last night. And that's why I'm not FIRED!"

They two heels have a good laugh at this, before coming to point: "So now your United States Champion, Dolph Ziggler, has been made part of this WWE championship tournament. Next week I have my first round match, and I'm gonna win it all baby! Oh, you can bet on that! I'm going to be a DOUBLE Champion. Because there is nobody in this roster good enough to-" Ziggler's rant is interrupted by an unexpected theme: its Justin Gabriel!

Vikki demands to know what a Smackdown wrestler is doing interrupting her client. "Vikki, honestly, I'm just sorry I didn't interrupt him before we all had to hear about your thong." Vikki gasps like a carp at this, while Ziggler exclaims that she has the body of the goddess! "Yeah, I know. I can't remember his name but he's the one that sits around all day drinking wine and getting fat, right?" Ziggler throws a punch to defend his lady's honor, but Justin blocks and smoothly counters into a hammerlock without losing his mic! "Whoa, slow down cowboy. I came out here to talk, alright?" Vikki pleads and Dolph relaxes, so Gabriel releases him with a friendly slap.

"What am I doing here? I'll tell you Vikki. I watched the main event last night too. And I didn't see 'nothing.' I saw the future. I saw somebody like me, who's been ignored because he didn't fit the mold, stand up for himself. I saw somebody like Dolph, marketable and corporate-friendly, go down in flames. And I saw the Boss, who keeps men like me down, and men like you up, completely humiliated. In short, I saw the dream I fought for as a member of Nexus come to life, right in front of my eyes. And I needed to be a part of it. As of tonight, I am a full-time member of the Raw roster!"

Ziggler claps and says that's nice, but this is his time slot so he wants Gabriel to leave or be removed. "I don't think so, Dolph. See, my first Raw match is up next, and I came out here to tell you: watch it. Closely. Because my roster change came with a little perk. I get to be part of the tournament too. And the opponent I specially requested for the first round... is YOU! You know why, Dolph? Because after I beat you next week, and after I become World Champion... I'm going to follow last night's example, and rescue that US championship from an rear end-kisser!"

We go to commercial with Dolph talking trash off-mic, and the promise that Justin Gabriel's Raw debut is up next!

***

Justin Gabriel vs Local Jobber! We came back from commercial and Gabriel was in the ring with some unknown guy. They chain wrestled for a bit to start so Gabriel could show off his agility, and he easily came out on top. Then came a suite of signature moves, almost all of them airborne in nature. After a couple more minutes of flashy offense and reversals, Gabriel knocked nameless down near the corner, setting up his finisher, the 450 Splash! 1, 2, 3, easy win for Gabriel.

***

Backstage, we find the suit from earlier, John Laurenitis, offering congratulations to someone off-camera for their big win last night. We pan out to reveal Mr. Money In The Bank, Alberto Del Rio! "Mr. Lauren-eyetis, not that I'm not happy to meet you in person, but I think... this is not a social call, yes? I think you're here because I demanded to know why this little tournament is happening. I'm Seņor Dinero El Banco! And before John Cena convinced Mr. McMahon to reinstate that perro who beat him last night, I was #1 Contender. So why am I preparing for a tournament match instead of being handed my title?"

"That's a good question Mr. Del Rio. Let me ask you a good question: if you hadn't let... certain people... leave the building last night, if you hadn't taken a blow to the head and ended up on your back instead of in the ring, don't you think you would be Champion right now? And don't you think, if that were the case, that everyone around here would be a lot better off?"

Alberto seems to be only barely containing his rage at this until John moves on: "Of course, WWE Management doesn't want to discount the fact that you made the effort. On the contrary, the fact that you uh... answ... that you showed up when you were needed is great. I think it proved that you're a guy I can point to when management needs something 'special.' But there's one problem: some parties worry that you might not be reliable. I mean, lets face it, you couldn't beat Edge, or his little friend Christian, when you got World Title opportunities this year. And the fact is, you came up short when you were called last night. What I need from you, Mr. Del Rio, is to show me what you're made of. To show me that giving you a space on this roster wasn't just a good decision, but an... Ace Decision."

Del Rio asks what he has in mind, and Laurenitis reveals that he's going to settle a score that was left unsettled two months back at Capital Carnage: his opponent tonight is The Big Show! Del Rio reacts with panic. "What's wrong Mr. Del Rio? Oh, I see, you missed the news preparing for the ladder match. Last night Big Show's opponent, Mark Henry? He slammed Show's ankle several times inside a folding chair. Official reports aren't out of the trainer's office yet, but Big Show is competing tonight Against Medical Advice." Del Rio's expression becomes predatory at this news. "So, can you show me what I need to see, Mr. Del Rio?"

"Mr. Lauren-eyetis... tonight, Alberto Del Rio is going to show what everyone needs to see. Alberto Del Rio is going to show his DESTINY. ...But you already knew that." Wink.

***

Reks and Hawkins vs Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne - Air Boom!. Coming back from commercials, we had tag team action. Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins were already in ring, trotting around looking mean, or as mean as Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins can look. Their opponents are Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne, high fiving kids and jumping down the ramp to set off fireworks. Commentary put over that with the Tag Titles being a hot RAW commodity, and King mentioned that some in the back consider them to be the most legitimate titles in the company in light of last night. Cole talks fast to sandbag that comment, making a comment about not rocking the boat, and adds that lots of superstars are throwing their lots in together for opportunities at those belts. Kofi and Evan have even gone so far as to officially register a full-time tag team competitors, which is why the ring announcer referred to them by the team name "Air Boom." King thinks that spliced entrance music need work.

Good amount of action from this. Kofi and Evan worked super well together and put on a strong showing. Reks and Hawkins looked fairly decent, although they couldn't keep up with their opponent's speed. Late into the match after some dirty outside work by Hawkins, Reks was able to dominate Bourne with sheer power. Kofi delt with Hawkins on the outside while Reks stacked up Evan, setting him up for a Burning Hammer! But before Reks could land it he turned straight into a Trouble In Paradise, knocking him clean out! Legal man Evan climbed to the top rope and smashed Reks with a Shooting Star Press for the pinfall win. A strong start for Air Boom!

***

After the next break, the ring was set up with leather couches, directors chairs and a red carpet. Down the ramp came The Miz (wearing the brightest white suit you could possibly have) hand-in-hand with a surprising companion, Maryse Ouellet. "Welcome everyone to the most must-see talk show in WWE history..." The crowd booed while Miz mugged for the camera. "...Miz TV! And today is a very special Miz TV because today we introduce a beautiful, intelligent, radiant new co-host. You may know her from NXT Redemption... my new girlfriend, Maryse!" Michael Cole immediately defends Miz's choice in women before King can comment on how many boyfriends Maryse has had.

"It's not every day that an A-Lister like me graces the filthy streets of Milwaukee. You didn't expect me to come here without something nice to look at, did you? And with this welcome, I don't know if I'm coming back here!" Miz raises his hand to try to silence the crowd but they didn't stop, of course. Unflappable, he continues anyway. "I'm supposed to have a guest on Miz TV tonight. I, of course, was granted a spot in Mr. McMahon's tournament, and I'm supposed to meet my 'mystery,' opponent before our match next week. But frankly, I'd much rather talk about myself. You see, today is a landmark day in WWE, because finally real opportunity exists. For ten years, there has been, as my good friend R-Truth put it, a conspiracy. A conspiracy to keep John Cena on top, because he sells T-Shirts and cheap plastic toys. I was the biggest victim of that conspiracy! I main-evented Wrestlemania, defeated Cena, and the next day every headline was about him and The Rock! Well guess what kids, there IS no John Cena anymore. He's FIRED."

"But you know what's even better than Cena being gone? Its the fact that YOUR GUY is gone too." (CM Punk! CM Punk!) "Yeah, that's the one. See, you've all kept me down too! You don't appreciate me! I could have saved you from Cena, but I'm not 'underground' enough for you. So you cheered for a guy that walked out instead! I mean, Really? REALLY? REALLY!? Well guess what, he's gone. Without him, and without Cena, there is NOTHING in my way anymore. I will be the new face of this company. Why? BECAUSE I'M THE MIZ! AND I-"

A massive guitar riff hits! IT'S JOHN MORRISON! Back from neck surgery, the Shaman of Sexy poses in slow-motion as fireworks go off behind him. Miz looks suitably shocked. "Miz! Buddy. Good to see you." He bounces into the ring and stretches himself out across one of Miz's couches. "I think I'm supposed to be on this show, right?" Miz seems incredulous that Morrison is his opponent after being in the shelf for several months. "Well, they said I should take a little more time in rehab, yeah. But let me open up the gates to the Palace of Wisdom for you, Mizzy." Morrison swings up from his rest and gets in Miz's face: "We're in a moment of transcendent history. There's a cosmic energy in the WWE right now. The People have their voice again, and they're making waves that are going to push somebody to the top! If the guy they want most isn't here to catch that wave, you bet your rear end that John Morrison will!"

Miz knocks over his chair to get some distance from JoMo, and Maryse steps between them. "Hey, Maryse! Miz, I gotta say I'm impressed. After all those years we spent as a tag team, I never thought you'd be able to get a girl who used to be into me." Maryse seems unimpressed, though Miz does step in with an angry look and says that he's glad Morrison is his opponent. Everyone's seen for years now that The Miz is the better man between them, and he'll prove it again next week. "You know Miz, you may have a point. You've been WWE Champion, you have a fine lady... but the funny thing is, I'VE got a fine lady too. She's coming to ringside with me next week. And as great as your little second-hand french poodle is, she's not even in the same league as who I've got. So I'm gonna beat you, and everyone else in this tournament, and when I'm WWE Champion and I have a hotter girlfriend then you... tell me again who's the better man."

***

The Main Event! Alberto Del Rio vs The Big Show! Show has an obvious limp as he makes his way down the ramp, and we are reminded that he is competing AMA tonight. Michael Cole reads from Show's twitter: "Chances at a title don't come every day. Chances to make something fake turn real don't come every lifetime. #ForgetPain #SaveWWE" As always, Alberto is introduced by Ricardo Rodriguez, his personal ring announcer, and drives into the arena in a $100,000 Excalibur Roadster! Mr. Money in the Bank hoists his briefcase high, taunting the crowd.



At the bell, Del Rio takes a clinical approach, probing Show's defenses, testing his mobility. The giant is clearly minimizing his movement, relying on his superior reach, but Del Rio is to quick for him to really get his hands on, and he absorbs several early blows as a result. Del Rio's target is clearly the damaged leg, although Show is able to use his bulk and several impressive power moves that send Del Rio flying like a rag-doll. The pace of the match remains slow (to the point of obvious stalling, as his power offense seems to have left Show gassed) until Del Rio slides right under his defense with a baseball slide and topples him!

Now nearly helpless, Show endures an absolute assault on his injured leg, multiple kneebreakers and stomps tearing at the joint. After several minutes of damage and trash talk, Del Rio sets up a kneebar to finish the job... but with pure power Show kicks him into the corner! He drags himself up and delivers echoing open-palm slaps to Del Rio's chest, hushing the crowd each time to maximize the impact. Not daring to waste another moment, Show signals the Chokeslam, grabs Del Rio's neck... and is distracted by Ricardo climbing up on the apron! The referee rushes to get rid of Ricardo, and Show turns toward the commotion, leaving him wide open for a vicious chop-block that puts him on his knees, screaming in agony! Del Rio gives a blood-thirsty scream of his own, and delivers a sickening mule kick right to the temple. Show's lights go out, and Del Rio covers. 1! 2! 3! Mr. Money In The Bank advances to the second round to close out Monday Night Raw

***

Overall Rating: B

Basic Chunnel posted:

rare Magic card l00k posted:

Junpei Hyde posted:

The bird segment got an A.

quote:

Welcome to WWE.com's new Raw-exclusive interview series, Bottom Line! Uncut info strait from the Superstars! I'm your host, Scott Stanford. My first guest is the Master of the 619, Rey Mysterio! Thank you for joining me Rey.

Glad to be here, Scott.

Rey, is it fair to say Money In The Bank was a major disappointment? Coming within inches of winning that contract, and losing it because you were unmasked in front of a live Pay Per View audience and a sold-out arena, it must sting.

Well, obviously the Money In The Bank loss was a blow for me. Putting the contract itself aside, its one of the most challenging matches WWE has to offer, and by winning it you join a very elite list of Superstars. Most WWE fans don't know this, but my first match was in 1989. I'm a 22-year veteran! When you've been an athlete long enough, certain accomplishments in your field beyond Championships have special meaning for you, like Pro Bowls for a football player or the Ryder Cup team for a golfer. To be listed among Money In The Bank winners would have been a big one for me.

Losing that chance because I was unmasked and worse, being unmasked by Alberto Del Rio... You have to understand, Alberto is Lucha Libre ROYALTY. His father Dos Caras, and his uncle Mil Mascaras, they're names that mean to Mexico what Hart means to Canada, or Hogan to the US. Taking off my mask the way he did wasn't just cheating, it was a betrayal of more than a century of tradition that we both swore to uphold. He didn't just spit on me, he spat on his culture, his family and HIMSELF. When I get my hands on Del Rio, he's going to have a LOT to answer for.

Well, the good news is you will get your hands on Del Rio soon. In two weeks, on Raw, you will face him in the second round of the WWE Championship Tournament. You must be ecstatic to have this opportunity.

'Ecstatic,' isn't exactly the word I would use.

Why is that?

Because I'd much rather be fighting for the REAL WWE Championship.

Umm... I'm not sure what you...

Stanford, come on man. You're not going to play Vince's game are you? The WWE Title is NOT vacant. It's probably sitting next to him on his couch in Chicago while he has a good laugh at our boss trying to deny reality.

Rey, I'm not here to talk to you about that. You know how Mr. McMahon is, he could-

He could what? Fire me? Like I don't expect it. He's already chased every other guy who might stand up to him off Raw. They're all on Smackdown or out of the company because of him. Big Show's the only other veteran left, and with that ankle injury... Look, I've spent a lot of years keeping my head low. Believe me, Vince loves saying how easy that is for me. But if I'm the only one left, I'm going to say what needs to be said: CM Punk IS the WWE Champion.

Punk, I'm sure you're reading this interview, so I'm going to make something clear to you and everyone else: I'm in this tournament, and intend to win it. For the sake of the locker room, and the fans, I will defend Vince's title against all comers. I will use my skill, my body, and the reputation I've earned to make that title meaningful. There's talent in the back who've worked hard to get to WWE, and I'm not going to let their dreams die. They need something to fight for, just like the kids who touch my mask need something to cheer for. I'm going to give it to them.

But I will never call that title the WWE Championship. It is NOT. You have the WWE Championship, Punk. You have it because you are what you always said: The Best In The World.

You and me, Punk, we have history. I'll never forget beating your Strait Edge Society. I also won't forget that one month ago, at Capital Punishment, you beat me clean. You've become a man worthy of my respect. Despite being "marketable," and a merchandise mover, I understand you. I know better than almost anyone what its like claw for what others are gifted. I know talent and guts are often secondary concerns in the Land Of The Giants.

Whatever title Vince says I have once this tournament is done, its something that I'll earn, just like you did, by beating the best this company had to offer. When and if you return, I'll have shown the world that I'm the best in this company, and you'll know I'm the right man to fight you for your Championship. On that day, Punk, I'll become the WWE Champion... for the first time.

Uh... we're out of time. Thank you Rey Mysterio. Tune in next time for another hard-hitting interview. Assuming there's going to be a next time.

quote:

Yes sir, we promised you a great - Gorgeous George - Freddie Blasie, The Maker of - ANDRE! THE GIANT! - WRESTLEMANIA! - Everyone has a price! - Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, it is electric - IF YA SMELLLLL - YOU'RE! FIRED! - Gimmie a 'Hell yeah!' (Hell Yeah!) - *Gong* - THE CHAMP! IS HERE!

***

Michael Cole voices over a recap of recent events. "Last week was a historic week for the WWE. A history which has been rewritten by The Chairman." A shot of the Money In The Bank logo is wiped out with a screen which reads FOOTAGE REDACTED, text which appears several times as we see images of Vince speaking. 'Last night never. Even. Happened.' '-erased from WWE history!' 'JOHN CENA! IS! FIIIIIIRED!'

Cole continues: "An 8-man tournament will crown a new champion." Highlights from last week's matches showcase Alberto Del Rio and Rey Mysterio's victories, plus the mysterious meeting between Mr. Money In The Bank and John Laurinaitis. "Tonight, two more men will take the next step toward the top of the mountain!" Clips from the promos of Dolph Ziggler, Justin Gabriel, The Miz and John Morrison play in quick succession. " With Summerslam only three weeks away, who will advance? We'll find out tonight, on the world's longest-running weekly episodic television program: Monday Night Raw!"

***

Our opening match is a Triple-Threat Tornado Tag Match for #1 Contendership to the WWE Tag Team Titles! Air Boom vs Santino Marella & Zach Ryder vs R-Truth & Jack Swagger! The Tag Champs, McGillicuty and Otunga, are on commentary with the lawyer doing most of the talking. With four people on commentary, it goes about as well as you'd think.

The match starts with and keeps an accelerated pace for nearly all of its runtime, with all six men in the match getting their turn to shine. King mentions that Ryder is an internet sensation who has a die-hard and growing following among WWE's online fans, and this contendership opportunity is only his third match on Raw in his entire career! Cole probes the champs over their opinions of the three teams, and Otunga brushes off Ryder/Santino and R-Truth/Swagger ever posing a threat to them. However, when the subject turns to Air Boom, Otunga is uncharacteristically silent and McGillicutty fumbles over his own words trying to save face for his partner.

As Air Boom becomes the subject of conversation, Evan Bourne takes control of the match, besting R-Truth with a flurry of kicks and a springboard crossbody. As Bourne leaps to the top turnbuckle looking to finish Truth, McGillicutty stops talking and bolts from the commentary desk, pushing Evan from the top before he can hit the Air Bourne! King is as outraged as the ref as Michael walks back to commentary like nothing happened, but Cole reminds us that under Triple Threat rules there are No Disqualifications! R-Truth kips up and puts a couple stomps to the downed Bourne, then drags his limp body over to Swagger for a tag. The two heels doubleteam Bourne until Evan pulls out a desperation double flying clothesline! With the two heels down Evan tries to tag in Kingston, but as he's fingertips away from a tag Otunga appears behind Kofi and throws his feet out from beneath him before savagely beating him! Swagger recovers and slaps on the Ankle Lock!

Desperate not to submit and lose the match, Bourne tags out to Santino! Content with their handiwork, the champs scamper to the back cackling as Swagger charges a confused Santino... but Santino dodges with his signature splits! Swagger collides with the corner and Ryder intercepts R-Truth with the Rough Ryder, allowing his partner to go for a familiar sock! Swagger stumbles backwards and as soon as he turns around – COBRA!!! 1, 2, 3! Santino Marella and Zack Ryder are your #1 Contenders to the Tag Titles.

***

The camera focuses on the announce desk, where Cole and Jerry "The King," Lawler introduce themselves. "What a way to start off Monday Night Raw! But before our next match, let's take an inside look at an up-and-coming superstar with a huge legacy to live up to."

This segways into another hype video for Richie Steamboat, this time focusing on his training down in FCW. We see clips of him taking direction from various WWE trainers, pushing through physical training and running through moves. Interspersed are clips from an interview with his legendary father. "He's wrestled in Japan, Puerto Rico, Europe, and he brings all that experience home to Florida Championship Wrestling. Combine that practical experience with a lifetime of soaking of knowledge, from me and every guy who I ever shared a locker room with, and you're looking at somebody on an entirely different level from a usual rookie. And on top of that, he's got what you can't teach: heart. The heart of a dragon!" Richie Steamboat: Coming soon to Monday Night Raw.

***

John Laurinaitis is backstage on his phone, when from off-camera we hear a familiar "Holla Holla, playa!" It's Smackdown GM Teddy Long! They greet each other and John asks Teddy why he's on RAW. "Listen up playa, I've been watching the 'Divas Division' and how you've handled it, and I gotta say, Raw has been runnin' those poor ladies into the ground, you feel me? So I'm here to issue a challenge. At Summer Slam, one of the WOMEN of Smackdown will take on your Diva's champion, and the winner gets the entire division!"

Laurinaitis laughed at Teddy, "Teddy, As VP of Talent Relations, I accept your challenge. Saving the Divas stuck on SmackDown from a future of pointless tag matches is an Ace Decision, 'playa.' You're sorely underestimating the abilities of our champion if you think you can pull this off. In fact, why don't you watch what she's capable of right now?" He gestures to a nearby screen.

***

Kelly Kelly "wrestles" Eve Torres. I say "wrestles" because I'm not sure anything they do can be considered actual wrestling. The only point proven seems to be Teddy Long's as Kelly showcased exactly 'what she's capable of.' The Champ thankfully wins after a few minutes with the K2, which seems to miss its target completely. The crowd pays about as much attention to this as Lawler and Cole, which is to say they spend the whole affair talking about WWE.Com until Cole tries to stop Jerry from mentioning an interview with Rey Mysterio and it descends into meaningless bickering.

***

Backstage, The Usos are seen loading up plates at the buffett table in catering. They're deciding between a plate of sandwiches and a plate of wraps when The Bella Twins arrive. Nikki gets close and rubs up on one of them. "Hey boys! Jimmy, right?" "Naw, uce over there's Jimmy. I'm Jey. 'Sup gurl?"

Nikki bites her lip and Brie angrily waves her over so they can whisper to each other. As they do, the brothers seem to have a change of heart on which they want and swap places between the Sandwich and Wrap plates. Unaware, Brie snuggles back up to he re-positioned Jey "We're looking for some real men, Jimmy. Real men who can give us what we need!" "Yo, I'm Jimmy, gurl. He's Jey!" Brie throws her arms up. "Whatever! There's two of you and two of us. Can you do the math or do we need to... spell it out for you?"

Jimmy and Jey laughed. "Ladies, not that you both ain't fiiiine but, uh-" "We taken. Got me a long-term honey, and Uce over there already has two kids." "Sides, if I'm being strait wit you, twins dating twins is kinda..." "Gross?" "Yeah, uce, that's the word I was looking for. Gross." The Usos shove off with their food, and Nikki and Brie let out identical groans of anger before speaking in unison: "Where are we gonna get a REAL MAN?"

***

After commercial, KAH NEE TEY! The Usos vs Reks and Hawkins! The heels were already in the ring as the Usos do their haka. Pretty standard Tag fare where Cole worries that the Usos just ate and might be sick doing all their signature air attacks. In the end Hawkins eats a double superkick and Jey pins him with a Samoan Splash for the 1, 2, 3.

***

Backstage Jack Swagger is icing his joints when Drew McIntyre walks by. The Chosen One says it was a crime an All-American like Swagger wasn't in the Championship Tournament, and an even bigger crime that he lost that tag title shot tonight to a joke like Santino. "And on top of that, Rey Mysterio gets a fluke victory to knock me out of that same tournament. I tell you Jack-o, there's a lot of bugs in WWE, and ever since that debacle at Money In the Bank they're gettin' ideas above their station."

Swagger replies "The only way to handle bugs is to squash them every time you see them." Drew agrees, and says he'll start tonight.

***

Drew McIntyre vs A Local Athlete! Tonight's victim is a real goober with some awful tattoos (Cole says an Offspring tattoo has to be up there on the "things you'll regret when you get older" list, while King questions what an Offspring is). The bell rings and Nameless puts up his hands like a guy who's trying to box but only knows how from watching it on TV. McIntyre looks at him and just laughs before leveling him with a kick to the...uh, lower jaw? McIntyre throws him around the ring for a few minutes before mercifully planting him with a Future Shock DDT for the win. Whether from the new attitude or his opponent looking so compleyely dominated, Drew looks like a star.

***

Alberto Del Rio is announced in Spanish by Ricardo Rodriguez and drives out in a 1960 Roles Royce Silver Cloud II, valued at over $90,000!



He's not here to fight, but to brag. "MY NAME IS ALBERTO DEL RIO! But you already knew that. You also know, that I am Mister Money in the Bank! What you might not know is that last week, I didn't just advance to the Second Round of the WWE Championship Tournament. I put the Big Show in the hospital! Your beloved giant was NOTHING before the Destiny of Alberto Del Rio! If he couldn't stop me, if I could beat that monstruo so badly that he couldn't even stand in this ring one week after I kicked him in his fat face, then NOBODY CAN DEFEAT ALBERTO DEL RIO! I'm going to be the first man in WWE to win the Championship without cashing in Money In The Bank. And when I have both... I will be invincible!" He starts to ramble in Spanish... but he doesn't rant long!

BOOYAKA! Rey Mysterio hits the ramp and stalks to the ring! "Alberto, you kiss your mother with that mouth? This show is PG man." Alberto rolls his eyes, and asks what the 'little man,' is doing out here. "Why don't you shut your mouth before this 'little man,' shows you he's not too short to put his boot through your teeth, cabron!" Del Rio seems almost aghast at this level of aggression, and is stunned into silence. "I came out here to give you a little veteran advice. You've spent your whole career getting your boots licked in Mexico because of who your daddy is. That's OVER now. I'll give you your props. You won the Royal Rumble. You can tell people that you were the man who retired Edge. But the only reason you've got that case is because you threw your honor in the garbage by taking off my mask. I will NEVER forget that, and I'm going to make you pay for it. So if you're looking past next week on Raw? If you're looking past Rey Mysterio? I might just put you in the bed right next to Big Show." This rant gets Alberto hot and he looms over Rey, but the seasoned warrior doesn't give an inch as they stare down. King worries this might explode at any moment...

But there's NO CHANCE IN HELL of that! Mr. McMahon appears on the ramp! The crowd immediately boos and there are scattered Punk chants. "Well, I'll be a son of a gun! I'm so glad to see you two are this fired up and ready! HOW BOUT THESE TWO, HUH? COME ON! This is exactly why I'm holding this tournament, to push all the competitors to this level of intensity! I know you've BOTH got what it takes to be the face of MY company, but unfortunately only one of you can go on to Summerslam for a shot to win the prestigious WWE Championsh-!"

"Shut up, Vince!" Rey cuts The Chairman off mid-stream! Its hard to say if Vince or Del Rio is more shocked. "Do you really think anyone is buying this little scam of yours? Do you really think that if you just hold your breath long enough people will give in to this tantrum?"

Vince forces a smile. "Rey... you and me have been doing business for almost ten years now. We've made a lot of money together, selling those little masks of yours. So I think you know that you're in very choppy waters right now. I'm going to give you the chance, right now, to BACK. OFF. Before you say something you're going to regret."

Rey shakes his head "I'm not one of your little puppets Vince. I never have been. No matter how much money I made FOR MYSELF making kids believe in this mask, I'm not going to throw away my honor by playing your sick little games. And guess what Vince? I'm not the only one. Most of the others won't say it, but like you said, we've known each other ten years. So here's your veteran advice for the night: Nobody in this company is going to forget Money In The Bank no matter how hard you try. And after Summerslam? After I win this tournament? I'll be the best in this company. I'll have earned THAT title. And then there's only going to be one guy people call The REAL WWE Champion." The crowd loses it as Rey holds up his mic to them, and they belt out CM PUNK, CM PUNK, CM PUNK. Vince's face is bright red and he's practically frothing at the mouth as Rey's music plays. Alberto simply pats his briefcase.

***

Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vikki Guerrero) vs Justin Gabriel! Before our first WWE Championship tournament bout of the night we enjoy a nice EXCUSE ME introduction from Vikki for the United States Champion, and a reminder from Michael Cole that Justin Gabriel specially requested Dolph as his first round opponent and has vowed to also take his US title sometime in the near future. The match starts with Ziggler putting the upstart flier in his place with hard chops and strikes, even a few of his flashy jumping elbow drops. But Gabriel's agility quickly turns the tide as he sweeps Ziggler's legs out from under him, launching a series of high-impact springboard attacks that force Dolph to recover on the outside. Gabriel gestures for Dolph to bring it to the crowd's delight.

The match goes on for nearly 20 minutes, a true showcase of the two young stars. Dolph counters Gabriel by showing his impressive amateur chops, going to the ground game to slow the tempo, but Gabriel shows his endurance and hits back at every opportunity with a high-risk high-damage maneuver. Both men seem evenly matched as Dolph attempts a Zig Zag but is blocked... only to fire a snap Superkick! But Gabriel has the ambush scouted and goes low, countering with a single-leg takedown and a roll-up! The mat-wrestling attack stuns Ziggler! 1! 2! 3! Gabriel steals one and advances! He celebrates as Dolph rips his United States Championship belt from the referee's hands and shouts "You'll never get this! It's mine! This win doesn't mean anything!"

***

The Shaman of Sexy John Morrison comes to the ring draped in fur to chat up the crowd before the Main Event. "Hi, I'm John Morrison, and I once lost six million Euros betting on underground turtle knife-fights in Singapore. The exchange rate was brutal. Tonight, in a bare handful of minutes, I will face one of my oldest and most dangerous rivals in mortal combat to bring myself one step closer to a prize that represents power, courage and wisdom. But before I can fight Dark Link in Ocarina of Time Remastered, first I have to have a match with The Miz."

"But in all seriousness folks, come join me in the Palace of Wisdom for a second: I've come close to being WWE Champion before, but this time is different. This is a moment where your energy is surging like it hasn't surged in decades. At Money In The Bank, you all witnessed pure defiance, and your passion for WWE is burning white hot! A man like Miz doesn't understand passion. That's why he's gravitated to a woman like Maryse, because he thinks greed and passion are the same thing. But John Morrison can't live without passion. Without real FIRE. And as promised, I brought a little fire with me in my corner. Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for my muse: Melina Perez!"

Melina comes to the ring and enters it in her... signature fashion, much to Morrison's delight.



The two embrace in a very sensual manner to give the hard camera something nice to look at, but that's cut short when The Miz interrupts, Maryse right on his heels! He's ready to fight and storms the ring!

***

The Main Event! The Miz (w/ Maryse) vs John Morrison (w/ Melina)! This match is exactly what you would expect from the former partners turned rivals. Lots of back and forth and rapid counters show how well these two know each other. Considering how Miz normally looks, his offense has a surprisingly effective and viscious tenor. Any time Morrison tries to bring his agility and flying into the mix, Miz immediately grounds him, culminating in Miz putting Morrison in the corner and going for the Awesome Clothseline! However, Morrison ducks out of the way and Miz crashes into the turnbuckle, crumpling lifeless to the mat!

The tide turns quickly as Morrison goes on a tear off this opening. Despite this being his first match in months, JoMo puts on an impressive display of signature spots, using his parkour skills to fluidly move from mat to springboard as if gravity has no hold on him. With Miz reeling, Morrison sets up for his finisher, but pauses for a moment when Maryse walks over to the corner and starts yelling at him! He seems bemused by the distraction, but it doesn't last long before Melina charges over and flattens the gold-digger with a big lariat!

Morrison leads the audience in a round of applause for his girl, and then jumped from mat to top rope to deliver Starship Pain! But Miz rolled out of the way, causing Morrison to wiff completely! The extra time bought by the ladies' scrap gave Miz just enough time to recover, and with Morrison hurt the Awesome One falls on him like a rabid beast! Skull-Crushing Finale! 1, 2, 3! Miz advances to face Justin Gabriel! Michael Cole goes nuts on commentary as his hero shoves Morrison out of the ring and celebrates with Maryse as the show goes off the air.

***

Overall Rating: B-

IcePhoenix posted:

That's not PG!

Basic Chunnel posted:

Here's my feedback on the "competition":

RAW

quote:

3rd Generation Confrontation! Michael McGillicuty opens up about facing down with The Rock during a training session!

Rumors have been circulating about what exactly The Rock has been up to since his appearance as host of Wrestlemania 27, but one WWE Superstar has confessed to WWE.Com that he spotted The Great One at a WWE Training Center in his native Florida. The man with the story is one-half of the WWE Tag Team Champions, Michael McGillicuty. Here's the statement he gave to WWE.Com Reporters:

The Rock? Yeah, I saw him. I was down in Orlando, putting some work in so I'd be ready to defend my tag title. Saw some scrub in the ring applying the worst Sharpshooter I've ever seen to a sparring partner, so I heft my title belt and tell the trainees that if Bret Hart did a Sharphshooter like that, MY DAD would have been King of Ring and probably a 5-time World Champ instead of him. The scrub drops his victim and asks me what my name is, but before I can tell him he's like, 'IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!' I knew I really mes- I mean, I knew what I was getting into when he gets out of the ring and gets in my face. So I shove my title in his face, and I tell him 'Look Brahma Bull, I'm the son of Mr Perfect, the grandson of The Axe, and the current WWE Tag Team Champion. You wanna go, lets get in the ring and go!' So, of course, he backs down, gives me my props as fellow 3rd Generation Star, and invites me into the ring for a friendly photo op. Anyone who tells you anything else happened, they're lying, you got it?

Other eyewitness reports state that McGillicuty's confrontation with The Rock involved a lot more cowering and ego stroking in the hopes of avoiding a fight than the Tag Champ's account, but they remain unverified. Also unverified are reports that moments after this photo was taken, The People's Champion ambushed McGillicuty with the Rock Bottom and hit The People's Elbow to the resounding cheers of the trainees.

quote:

WE GOT NO FEAR, NO DOUBT, ALL IN, BALLS OUT!

***

NO CHANCE! Vince McMahon is here to open Monday Night Raw, and he's wearing his best Salesman's Smile. "Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight you are PRIVILEGED to witness history. I'm not talking about fake history, some moment that everyone is already forgetting because I said so. I'm talking about REAL history. Vince McMahon Approved History! Because tonight, MY company will present the Semi-Final matches for MY Championship Tournament, and the winners will fight for the right to be MY Champion at Summerslam! Frankly, I'm not really sure if Indianapolis is a worthy stage for something this tremendous, but here we are. No need to thank me."

"So, the question is, who will be our new Champion? Will it be Raw's newest talent, the daredevil Justin Gabriel? I suppose its possible. Will it be the Must-See Superstar, The Miz? A distinct possibility. Will it be MEXICO'S GREATEST EXPORT, MR. MONEY IN THE BANK, ALBERTOOOOOOOO DEL RIOOOOOOO? Or, will it be... Rey. Mysterio. I can tell you one thing for sure, it will NOT be Rey Mysterio. Let me tell all you people something about your precious Rey Mysterio: Rey Mysterio is a LOSER! He was a loser in WCW, he was a loser when I brought him here in 2003, and he's a loser today! For ten years, I've protected that little ingrate. I've kept him from being humiliated night after night, let people believe he's some kind of super hero. I've got news for you Rey: this is the real world, super heroes aren't real and people like you get STEPPED ON! The only reason I even tolerated your presence for all these years is because these people bought their children anything I slapped your face on, just like they did for Cena! But you know something Rey? You're not worth it. And tonight, in the Main Event I GARUN-drat-TEE, that without me protecting you, Alberto Del Rio is going to beat you within an inch of your life!"

***

Kofi Kingston (w/ Evan Bourne) vs Jack Swagger (w/ Drew McIntyre). These two went back and forth, Kofi using his agility and aerial offense while Swagger counters with power, deflecting attacks and focusing on the lower body to ground him. Swagger piles damage on the left leg and eventually goes for an Ankle Lock, but Kofi manages to counter into an inside cradle! Swagger forces free, but Kofi is up first, balances on one leg, and hits Trouble In Paradise! He covers for the win!

***

There's a brawl after the match, but the heels beg off quickly when they get dumped by tandem dropkicks. Kofi grabs a mic: "For years, that's what we've been dealing with! Hand picked boys like them, boys who Vince wanted on top, throwing their weight around. Me and Evan are two of the best, and we've NEVER gotten a fair chance! We're expected to know our place. That's DONE! We created Air Boom because we know how to fly, BAY-BEE, and we're going to fly strait up through that glass ceiling! Last week the Champs screwed us because they KNOW we're better than them! But we are not going anywhere." The crowd liked the words, but Kofi's delivery was a bit wooden.

***

Hype video for Richie Steamboat. This one has a more nostalgic tone, focusing on Richie's childhood. We see home movies and photos of young Richie. Ricky The Dragon discusses how Richie grew up as wrestler's son, and the bond they share as family and mentor-to-student. Finally, he discusses the legendary moment when he won the world title and brought Richie into the ring with him: "I held that belt in one hand and my son in the other. They weighed about the same, which was good since I'd just gone about 40 minutes with Ric Flair and couldn't lift much. I remember thinking 'there's never going to be a moment bigger than this in my life. The two best things I ever made, held up for the world to see, people everywhere cheering. This is my peak.' But you know, I was wrong, because the real biggest moment is going to be when that little boy hoists the World Championship, just like I did. Hell, maybe he'll pick me up in his other arm! HAHAHA!"

Richie Steamboat: Coming soon to Monday Night Raw!

***

Backstage, we find a surprise: former New Nexus member Mason Ryan! Several people welcome him back, but he's stopped in his tracks by a couple of slender hands on his pecks: its The Bella Twins. "Oooh, look Nikki! Its Mason Ryan, back from his injury!" "The Colossus of Cardiff! It's so exciting!" "You know Mason, you came back at a perfect time. See, we've been looking for a REAL man." "Someone who can really... satisfy us, you know?" "Take care of all our... needs?"

Mason gets a smirk on his face as their fingernails trace along his chiseled chest, and says a proper English gent would never refuse a request from a lady, and they can see there's plenty of him to share. The Bellas consider for a moment... then laugh in his face. "Sorry Mason. Its not that we don't appreciate your sweet bod, but that face... we really need somebody who hasn't had fifty pints broken against their jaw after the rugby match." "Yeah, if you came without the head, like one of those Greek statues or whatever, maybe?" "Brie, I think we're going to have to look into that guy we've been hearing about after all." "I agree. Ciao, Mason!" Needless to say, Ryan does not look pleased, and Cole informs us that unfortunately for his opponent, Mason Ryan returns to the ring next!

***

Mason Ryan vs A Local Athlete! Ryan clearly has something to prove after being shot down by the Bellas, and comes in at full steam. He dismantles the poor jobber in the ring with ease and get the win off the Cobra Clutch Slam.

***

Backstage, Kelly Kelly is making small talk with a random staff member when Beth Phoenix comes up behind her. “Kelly, we need to talk about your Summerslam match.”

“Oh, against Natalya?” K2 giggles, “I've beaten her once, I'm sure I'll beat her again! And once I beat her, Raw will fina-”

“Don't brush off Natalya just because you've beaten her in the past! I've been training with her these past few weeks and... something's gotten into her. She's got this new determination and there's this fire in her eyes...”

“I'm the Divas Champion,” Kelly pouts. “I don't need to patronized like this!”

Kelly turns around to walk away but Beth grabs her by the arm and turns her back around. “You need to listen to me right now. You need to get serious about this match with Natalya or you WILL lose. That match with Eve last week? If that's your absolute best, you're going to have to step it up to a whole other level if you want to have even a hope of winning. This is more than some 'brand supremacy' pissing contest, Kelly. I'm scared. If you don't stop her at Summerslam, I think she's going to hurt a lot of women to keep herself on top. You know me. The Glamazon doesn't do fear. But I'm afraid now, of one of my best friends. If you don't step up... there might be no stopping her.”

***

Back in the ring, its R-Truth vs Alex Riley! Riley starts off hot but Truth cut off his momentum with a sweep kick and a sidewalk slam to take control. Truth poured on damage once he had his stride, taking Riley to the proverbial woodshed. A-Ry managed a last gasp of hope, whipping Truth for a clothesline, but Truth ducked and nailed the Lie Detector on the rebound. 1, 2, 3! Truth wins.

***

In-Ring, Michael Cole conducts an interview with the Tag Champs, David Otunga and Michael McGillicuty! Cole asks them if they interfered with the #1 Contender's Match last week because they can't beat Air Boom. Otunga says that Air Boom are a couple of crybabies and for all they've accomplished they'd still rather blame the Corporation instead of taking responsibility when they come up short. They attacked Air Boom because they deserved it, nothing more. Cole then asks McGillicuty if they are more worried about their #1 contenders, Ryder and Santino. Big McG scoffs at the notion of those two having the brains to stand up to a Harvard lawyer or the talent to face a 3rd Generation Superstar... but his rant is interrupted by the challengers themselves!

Santino Marella speaks first: "Now, listen to me Magillagorilla and Tounge-O! Santino Marella is not going to sit back there while you besmirch-a his good name! In case you've forgotten, I was a Double-Double-E Tag Team Champion only a few months ago! If you think you can withstand the power of the COBRA, you are making a sadly mistaken! And you also have to contend with my new partner, The Island TZ Long, Zach Ryder! Because if there's one thing TZ Long knows, its tag matches!"

Zach Ryder grabs the mic "You KNOW it, bro!... whatever you said. And by the way, do you two think anybody is buying your story that you're not afraid of Air Boom? Are you serious, bros? Here's a newsflash: if you guys picked us to fight because we're the 'weaker team,' you're getting a rude awakening at Summerslam! And once that gold is gone, you're going back to what you were before you won it, a scum-sucking bottom feeder, and a lawy... TWO scum-sucking bottom feeders!" Before this explodes, John Laurinaitis shows up and announces the tag challengers have a match RIGHT NOW!

***

Santino and Ryder vs Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins. Santino plays the face in peril, with Reks and Hawkins tagging in and out to cut the ring in half and lay in the double-team. In a great tease, Hawkins pulls Ryder off the apron and takes his spot, mocking Santino by reaching for the tag. Eventually Santino breaks free off a big neck breaker and hot-tags to Ryder, and Zach goes crazy on both men! He dumps Hawkins into the corner and hits the Broski Boot, then aims a Rough Ryder at Reks as Santino blind tags, but Reks counters, throwing Zach over his head, out of the ring... and onto Hawkins! Reks is in shock at the carnage, but has only a moment to gape before being spun around into a COBRAAAAA! The 1, 2, 3 was academic, and the #1 contenders made their statement!

***

Scott Stanford, plastic news robot, sets up an interview with someone more colorful and animated. "Ladies and gentlemen, my guest at this time: Rey Mysterio"

Stanford asks Rey for a reaction to Vince's statements. "You know Scott, from day one in WWE I had to justify myself. WWE is the Land of the Giants. It didn't matter that I was one of the most talented guys in a generation of geniuses. It didn't matter than I could run faster, hit harder and fly higher than any luchador who came before me. It didn't matter that I was one of a handful who made Lucha Libre's traditions matter in the US. The only thing that mattered is that Vince thought a guy my size couldn't be the Champion."

"You know what Vince means when he said he 'protected,' me, Scott? He denied me the chance to fight at the highest level, refused to book me in matches against his 'giants.' I'm sure he'd tell you he did it so I wouldn't get injured fighting guys I had no chance against, but that's not the truth. The truth is, he knew somewhere in his black little heart that I would have slayed every one of his precious giants. Now, imagine what I would do if I was motivated. If someone gave me a really good reason to teach them a lesson, like Alberto Del Rio did at Money In the Bank? Well, you don't have to imagine. One time a guy did give me a reason. His name was Randy Orton. You know what happened? I became the World Champion by taking him apart, piece by piece."

"Tonight, the world is going to see what Rey Mysterio can do when he's motivated. From LA to London to Tokyo... to Chicago. To everybody watching me, I've got one message: Rey Mysterio is the best in WWE. If anyone disagrees, I will take them on any time they want. Boo-ya-ka!"

***

Back at the announce desk Cole hypes what's yet to come: "You don't want to miss that Main Event Tournament Semi-Final bout, folks. But coming up next, we've got our first semi-final match! It's Justin Gabriel taking on my personal pick, The Miz! It's not just about the WWE Championship for these four men, but personal pride! Let's take a look back at what led to these heated confrontations!"

We see a montage: Rey Mysterio confronting Del Rio over unmasking him and threatening to put him in the hospital, with stills of his win over MacIntyre. Alberto Del Rio kicking Big Show's head in and mocking the injury, while threatening to win the title while still holding the MITB case. Justin Gabriel changing brands to Raw and talking about being inspired to fight the WWE machine, alongside his victory over Ziggler. Finally, The Miz's condemnation of the fans and promise to reclaim the World Title, played over his defeat of Morrison.

***

The Miz (w/ Maryse) vs Justin Gabriel!! In this semi-final bout for the Championship Tournament, Miz shows that aggressive streak he's been cultivating, ambushing Gabriel to force the bell. Gabriel is forced to cover up and absorb a lot of punishment as Miz lays into him. He traps Gabriel in the corner until the ref forces him to break with a four-count, but he backs off only long enough to fly in with the Awesome Clothesline! Cover! 1! 2! Foot on the rope!

Things look bleak for Gabriel as Miz gets several more two-counts... but after another few minutes Miz looks to have punched himself out! He stumbles back into a corner to catch his breath, and Gabriel delivers a Monkey Flip into a Standing Moonsault! 1! 2! KICK OUT! Miz remains helpless as Gabriel puts on an air show, move after move going unanswered. Gabriel's place in the Finals seems assured as he sets up the 450 Spla- "EXCUSE ME!"

At the top of the ramp Vikki Guerrero draws both Justin and the ref's attention. Gabriel hops down from the turnbuckle to tell the ref to ignore her, which is the opening Dolph Ziggler was waiting for! He enters the ring, Superkick loaded... and eats a lariat instead!

Gabriel pushes the US Champ out of the ring, talking traSKULL CRUSHING FINALE! The Miz covers off his desperate ambush, barely able to muster the strength to hook the leg! 1! 2! 3! The Awesome One advances to Summerslam and the finals to Michael Cole's sheer joy.

***

Miz is quick to make his getaway after his victory while the official checks on Gabriel. However, Ziggler is not done, and he falls on Gabriel like a starving jackal, picking the bones. Vikki encourages her boyfriend/client as he drops rapid-fire elbows on Gabriel's heart, and then pulls him into the Sleeper Hold, choking the life from him. Gabriel flails in the hold for nearly a full minute before going limp. Ziggler drops him to the mat, runs his fingers through his hair, and flicks some mixture of hairspray, sweat and SHAME right in Gabriel's face before making a triumphant departure.

***

To the backstage area, where Scott Stanford is standing by with Alberto Del Rio. Stanford tries to ask Alberto about his match coming up in a few minutes but is cut off. "Can you feel it in the air? This feeling... why it can only be... my DESTINY. Yes, I can see it so clearly now. I will crush that little perro, that puny little chihuahua Rey Mysterio tonight! Then I go on to main event Summerslam! Mysterio... he talks about a man who is no longer in this company, a man who ran away like a coward! Mysterio, he can't help but talk about this man like he's some kind of hero every chance he gets, and its pathetic! Then he talks about how I, Alberto Del Rio, do not respect the heritage and traditions of Lucha Libre..." Alberto pauses for a moment in the middle of his furious rant and leans in close to Stanford, the fury in his face almost seamlessly morphing into a poo poo-eating grin. "And he's right. Outdated ideals and honor, all of that is a game for peasants like him! The moment I left the Lucha culture behind, I gained greater success than Mysterio ever had! My family was given glory by Lucha, but glory was my birthright! I owe Lucha Libre NOTHING!

"So tonight, I dispose of that masked rat. Then, at Summerslam, my Destiny finally begins. The WWE Universe better get used to seeing the face of Alberto Del Rio, because once I am the first man to be WWE Champion AND Mister Money in the Bank, the future of this industry will belong to me! ...But you already knew that." And with a wink, Del Rio heads off for his match.

***

The Main Event! Alberto Del Rio (w/ Ricardo Rodriguez) vs Rey Mysterio! While Del Rio enters with all his usual pomp, announced by Ricardo and driving a 1953 Rolls-Royce Silver Wraith worth over $100,000...



Rey by contrast is all business; he doesn’t even give a kid a mask today! He talk about being "motivated," was clearly not for show! The two of them start off aggressively, strike after strike. Rey looks to be out for Del Rio’s hide, and Del Rio is even more aggressive than usual in response. The two of them go back and forth, trading blows and counters, until Del Rio manages to put Rey in the Tree of Woe! He goes to stomp on him, but Rey grabs his leg and trips him! Before he can recover, Rey sits up, turning around on the top rope. He points to the ceiling and crosses himself, a familiar tribute to his friend Eddie Guerrero! Rey leaps into the air and hits Del Rio with a picture perfect Frog Splash in the center of the ring! 1! 2!... 2.9! KICK OUT!!!

Rey can’t believe it. He holds his arm up to the ref, claiming that it was 3… only for Alberto to grab that arm and lock in the Cross-Armbreaker! Children in the arena are screaming for Rey to get up, while Alberto is screaming at Rey in aggressive Spanish. Mysterio inches his way across the ring, reaching for the rope…and grabs it! The Referee counts: 1...2...3...4… Alberto lets go at the last possible second, and in his fury, reaches for Rey’s face, grabbing the mask once again! Rey brings his hands up to protect his head as Alberto finally rips the cloth free! He hoists it up in triumph…

But behind him, Rey is still masked! Lawler shouts Rey must have seen this coming, which is why he didn't give his outer mask to a kid at ringside! Alberto is caught totally unawares as Rey sets up a hurricanrana, vaulting Alberto to the middle rope with Rey’s extra mask still in hand! The crowd blows up as Rey dials it up, hitting Alberto with the 619! Alberto collapses in the middle of the ring, and Rey goes up one last time for the Swan Dive Splash! 1! 2…3! Rey wins! He gives the mask Alberto grabbed to a kid in the crowd, and celebrates! Lawler says Mr. McMahon's so-called "Garun-drat-tee," came up short, and Rey Mysterio is going to Summerslam! Raw comes to a happy close.

***

Overall Rating: B+

Basic Chunnel posted:

uhh WOL doesn't exist in this universe, it's all about PGU

quote:

Welcome back! Our first guest tonight is uh… kind of a sequel from a bit we did last week. My cousin Sal’s kid loves Pro Wrestling, he loves John Cena, so we thought we’d tape an encounter between the kid and one of John Cena’s biggest enemies. Well, we decided since we’ve had John Cena on here so many times, it’s time we heard this guy’s side of story. So, hailing from Chicago, Illinois, he is the current WWE Champion, please welcome, C! M! PUNK!

APPLAUSE!



Punk, thanks for coming out. Now, for those in our audience who maybe haven’t watched WWE in a few years and only know about John Cena, why don’t you tell us who you are?

Who am I? Well Jimmy, simply put, CM Punk is The Best In The World.

I did read that on the T-Shirt you gave me now that you mention it. Can we put that up?



Oh yeah, that's a reasonable and modest self-endorsement right there.

*chuckle* Alright, here's the less merch-related answer: I’m a kid from Chicago who grew up loving WWE. I watched the Hulk Hogans and the Stone Cold Steve Austins tearing it up in the ring and I thought, ‘Man, I wanna be that guy when I grow up.’ So I fought through the ‘minor leagues,’ of Pro Wrestling, the Independent Circuit as we call it. I made a name for myself, I won local championships and amateur tournaments, all that stuff you have to do to get to the big leagues in any sport. But when I finally got there, I found out that WWE’s Management doesn’t approve of guys like me.

You’re talking about the company’s owner, Vince McMahon, right? Cause I remember, and I’m sure a lot of our audience remembers, how all through the 90s that guy was the ‘evil boss,’ of WWE, screwing over Steve Austin.

That’s right. So how do you climb the ladder when the guy at the top doesn’t want you to? You be the best. You talk faster, and you fight harder than every other guy, and when the chips are down, you win and you win big. That’s CM Punk, that's why I'm 'The Best In The World,' and that’s how I beat John Cena and won the WWE Championship.

Ok, so, I get all that, that’s great. But when I was reading through my notes for this interview I read something that really confused me: You are not currently employed by WWE? But like, you’re the champ. You’ve got the belt-thing, right here. So, what’s going on?

The night that I won the title, which was about three weeks back, was the last night of my WWE Contract. I won in my hometown of Chicago, and then I walked out of the company as the Champion. Which means I’m a free agent.

I believe we have some photos of that night, right?



Right, so thats me, finally pinning John Cena and winning the match.



That's me, just after beating John Cena. I’m taking my title out through the crowd and I’m kissing good old Vince McMahon goodbye.



And that's me later that night. That's two of my best friends, indy wrestlers Colt Cabana and Ace Steel, and we’re just going all around Chicago showing off that I’m the World Champion.



And that's me at a local Illinois wrestling organization. They’re called All American Wrestling, and I’m giving props to one of their wrestlers, Gregory Irons, for competing despite having Cerebral Palsy. That was a great night.

Wow, so you can go on other shows and do stuff on-camera with wrestlers who don’t work for WWE. You really are out the door.

It’s pretty interesting, right? This is the biggest shakeup the sport's seen in a decade. Now you never know where you might see me pop up, plus I’m already talking to some guys about putting on local shows in Chicago and defending my title against all comers.

So like, do you have any regrets? Have you been watching the show since you left? What’s going on with you gone?

Well… I will say I have been watching Monday Night Raw, which is every Monday on USA Network, 9pm Eastern. What I see there is bugging me a little. See, since I've been gone Vince McMahon has made it his mission to ‘erase me from history.’ Nobody is going along with this and the audiences are chanting MY name at every arena across the country when Vince comes out. But Vince doesn't care about anyone but himself, so he's having a tournament and he's going to hand a fake WWE championship to whoever wins and say that guy is the Champion instead of me. It’s a shame, because there’s some real talent in that company, and they deserve better than this mess. Vince is just embarrassing himself and the whole WWE by throwing a public tantrum.

So you do still care, despite walking out on them?

Oh yeah, in fact I care so much I went to talk to them about it. I have a clip if you want to…

Sure! You want to set it up?

Ok. Just after I waked out, down at San Diego Comic Con, WWE had a panel with Mattel about new toys. Two really important guys were there. One was Rey Misterio, who is a finalist in Vince's tournament and will be fighting at WWE's next Pay Per View, Summerslam. That's on Sunday the 14th by the way. The other guy who you might know Jimmy, was Triple H. These days he’s one of the corporate guys who runs WWE behind the scenes. So since I had some free time I thought I’d pop in on them.

Lets take a look.

CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO!

Awesome. So, what do you think you’re going to do next, Champ?

Well, I haven’t decided yet. I might start defending this Championship. And Rey Mysterio, that challenge stands by the way. I’ve thought about acting. Maybe getting into comic books. Fighting in UFC. I have a lot of interests and this title opens a lot of doors.

Is there ANY chance you’re going back to the WWE?

Never say never. I walked out of the company because I hoped things would get better if I did. If things don’t get better… let’s just say one of my friends once told me I can’t make a difference sitting on my couch. And like I told you before, you never know where you might see me pop up.

Alright! WWE Raw is on Mondays at 9pm on USA Network, and WWE Summerslam is on Pay Per View August 14! CM PUNK EVERYBODY!

Happyman posted:

(I have no explanation for these massive increases across the board.)

Monday Night Raw, August 8 2011, San Jose California posted:

Well its midnight, drat right, we're wound up too tight!

***

NO CHANCE! Vince McMahon stormed the ring to kick off Raw, looking looking even more pissed-off than usual. "CUT THAT drat MUSIC! CUT IT! You people all think this is a big JOKE, don't you? You think that human garbage can go to that crap-hole San Diego and tell Rey Mysterio HE'S giving out title shots and get away with it?! You think he can go on Jimmy Kimmel and embarrass me in front of the entire world?! IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK!?" The crowd's CM Punk chants are red hot as Cole tries to talk over Lawler explaining what Vince is talking about. The Boss lets out a near-rabid "SHUT UP, DAMNIT!" The chants only grow louder "That title isn't his! It's MINE! I own it! I! OWN! HIM!"

Finally spent, Vince tries to collect himself as he practically downs in Punk chants. At last, he starts again with a more steady voice. "In the realm of Sports Entertainment, my opinion is the only opinion that is worth a drat. And here's my opinion: I never cared about the 'legacy,' of that championship he's parading around with! I hated the stinking guts of every ungrateful prima donna who have ever carried the drat thing! So as of today, just like THAT MAN, the WWE Championship is ERASED! He has ruined it just by laying his filthy hands on it, and Vince McMahon has no use for DAMAGED. GOODS. As of tonight, the tournament final at Summerslam is for a brand new Championship! A Championship who's worth comes from the only source that matters: ME!"

"So, now that that's settled, I've got one more piece of business to take care of. I hear there's somebody you and your 'hero,' want to see on Television. Consider your wish granted. Ladies and Gentlemen: Zach Ryder." Zach makes his way down the ramp with a bit of hesitation, but stands tall as the Chairman confronts him. "Zack, you've developed quite a little following, haven't you? So much so that certain people think that I'm... misusing you, that you've got untapped potential. What do you think?"

Zack slowly takes off his shades, his eyes practically burning. "Are you... misusing me? ARE YOU SERIOUS, BRO?" The crowd pops! "I've worked myself to the bone for this company for SIX YEARS and you have the gall to ask if you're misusing me? When I was a rookie you put me in the ring against veterans so I could get crushed, and I endured it! You made me a meat-shield for Edge on Smackdown, taking bombs from the Undertaker, and I endured it! After all that suffering and pain, I won the Tag Team Championship with Curt Hawkins... and you split our team and sent me to ECW! I endured it, started from scratch, made a new identity, got a smokin' hot babe named Rosa Mendez, fought a legend named Tommy Dreamer in his retirement match, and when ECW got shut down I finally, FINALLY made it to my dream, Monday Night Raw... and the next thing I knew, Rosa was drafted to Smackdown and I was off TV for a year! Are you misusing me, Mr. McMahon? Should I be in the hunt with the top guys instead of an afterthought? Should I be out here every week when the fans constantly chant 'We Want Ryder?' Woo. Woo. Woo. YOU KNOW IT!"

This rant seems to leave Vince fuming, and he simply says, "Then allow me to welcome you to the spotlight. I hope its everything you wanted." Alberto Del Rio's music hits, and Vince calls for a referee! We've got an impromptu match!

***

Alberto Del Rio (w/ Ricardo Rodriguez) vs Zack Ryder! Ricardo seems to be ranting about the Sharks being bad at hockey in Spanish as he announces Alberto, who drives into the arena in a 2010 Audi RA, worth $130,000!



Interestingly, Mr. McMahon joins the commentary team, and The bout begins in vicious fashion with Alberto immediately laying in with knife-edges and a release German Suplex right on Zack's head. Alberto doesn't have a strategy as far as Lawler can tell, as all he seems focused on is causing pain in as many parts of Zack's body as possible, and then taunting him over it. He suggests this is a big mistake with a competitor like Zach, but Vince just eggs Alberto on with every blow, shouting for him to 'teach them all a lesson.'

Suddenly, Ryder turns the tide with a huge swinging neckbreaker! He adds a slingshot crossbody that earns him a two, and then throws Alberto into the corner! Del Rio slumps down... and Zach delivers the Broski Boot! 1! 2! KICK OUT! The Iced Z smells blood in the water, and goes for an Irish Whip, but Alberto reverses and delivers a BIG BACK BODY DROP! "Whatta Maneuver!" is Vince's roar of approval as Del Rio seems to be done with torture and now dedicates all his efforts to tearing apart Ryder's left knee. The attack is savage, and Zack is quickly limping.

Del Rio kicks the weakened leg and stalks Zach for the kneeling Superkick he used to hospitalize Big Show... but Zach dodges! He comes back with a inverted lifting DDT, and climbs the turnbuckle looking for the Rough Ryder... but in mid-ascent, his leg seems to give out! Del Rio delivers his step-up enzugiri, and Ryder collapses! He is totally defenseless as Del Rio applies a variation on his Cross-Armbreaker to the damaged left knee! Ryder taps within moments, giving Del Rio the win But he refuses to release the hold! As Vince shouts on the mic to not let go no matter what, officials stream to the ring to try and separate them by force. The way Zach clutches at that leg, the damage seems to have been done by the time they pry Del Rio off.

***

The Bellas were walking backstage when they found none other than William Regal. The sight of two lovely young ladies causes him to dismiss his production stooge and adopt a suave demeanor. They saddle up beside him and each grab and arm, pressing up against his body. "Mr. Regal, my sister Brie and I have been been looking for someone to... take care of our needs. We need a REAL man. Now, we know you're one of the people in charge of FCW, the developmental division, and we've been hearing rumors about particular guy. Surely a Real Man's Man such as yourself would know all about him?"

Regal, impressively, manages to keep his cool, although his voice does squeak slightly when he first speaks. "You *ahem* You're looking for a real man you say? Well, ladies, you are in luck. There's one fellow in particular who's about to debut on the main roster, and I think tha-"

The chat is interrupted by Mason Ryan. "Good God William, you're not giving these strumpets the time of day, are you? Don't let them charm you into feeding them some poor sod so they can leech out his blood."

Regal bristles. "First off, you'll address me as Mr. Regal, not William. Being from the United Kingdom doesn't give you bloody first name privileges with me. Second, if you're so sure the young man I was planning to direct the Bella Twins toward can't take care of himself, you should have no problem beating him. Next week on Raw, its going to be Mason Ryan taking on my REAL man from FCW." Mason shakes his head and mutters 'Silly pillock...' under his breath. Regal sniffs indignantly.

***

Mason Ryan vs Local Jobber! A tall skinny dude in pink tights with hair straight off a mop was waiting in the ring after the commercial. I didn't catch his name but I bet he wishes he could go back to Yesterday and change his mind about showing up. Mason took out all his frustrations on the lad for a few minutes, shrugging off a few knee strikes like they were nothing before finally pinning him off the full-nelson slam.

***

Santino Marella is backstage with the doctors as they check on Zack's leg. He is clearly beside himself, constantly getting in the doctor's way. "Dok-tor, please, will he lose it? Does he have the greengan? I will gladly donate my spleen EEF EET WEELL HELP!"

The trainer begs Santino to let him work, so Zack grits his teeth through the pain and tries to reassure his partner. "I told you bro, this is- AHhhh... this is nothing serious. By Summerslam I won't even feel it. Those titles are as good as ours."

Santino looks less than totally convinced, and matters aren't helped when Otunga and McGillicutty kick in the infirmary door. "Well, well, McG, what do we have here? Looking for a doctor's note to get out of gym class Zack?" "Come on Dave, you know they don't have schools in Long Island. He's probably just here because he fell down the stairs of his mom's basement"

Zack is seething, and looks like he wants to jump across the room and throttle the two bullies, leg or no leg, but Santino steps up. "You two think you're so big-time because you're a fancy law school and your daddy so famous! Well, you come in here to make fun of my friend when he's hurt, you cross a line you never think-a you cross again! If you don't walk out of this room by the time Santino counts to dre, The Cobra will snatch-a your stupid beards offa you face, and feed it to you! Uno!" He goes for the sock in his pants and slips it on as the Tag Champs share a laugh. "Due!" Santino sets the Cobra into position, and suddenly the champs seem less amused, bumping into each other as they step back. They make a threat about Sunday and depart. Santino clasps his friend's shoulder... with the Cobra hand. Zach lets out a fresh cry of pain until Santino quickly lets go.

***

Backstage, Ricky "The Dragon," Steamboat is speaking to some staff about his son. His talk is interrupted by a muscle-man with a Japanese letter tattooed on his chest. "Do you remember me, Steamboat? I'm Rene Dupree. When you started working here in 2005 I was already a Tag Team Champion, a blue chip prospect. Next thing I knew, I was being wished luck in my future endeavors. It took me years of fighting to get back, and what's the first thing I see? Your little videos, rambling about your brat being the NEW blue chip. I'm here to put you and him on notice: Now that I'm here, there's no room in this company for trash, no matter who its daddy is."

Ricky says the big man should have no problem backing up that threat in the ring, next week on Raw, as Richie's debut opponent! Dupree replies that Ricky should watch the next match closely. "It will let you imagine just what I'm going to do to you little boy. Bon Soir."

***

Alex Riley vs Rene Dupree! SAY IT TO MY FACE! Riley worked a hard-hitting style, and while Renee had a decent amount of offense and back-and-forth, A-Ry seemed to display a decisive edge in power toward the end. He set up Dupree for the TKO, but the Frenchman was able to slither free and hit a huge Cobra Clutch Slam! Dupree covered and secured his 3-Count.

***

"Welcome to the most Must-See Talk Show in WWE History, Miz TV! I'm your host, The Miz, along with my lovely co-host Maryse. And tonight is very special because tonight, you're all getting a Pay Per View preview. That's right, my guest is the man who will fight, and fall, before the might of The Miz at Summerslam. Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome, Rey Mysterio."

Rey heads to the ring seemingly unworried about Miz, taking the time to give a young one his spare mask and graciously accepting a chair opposite the host. "So Rey, here we are, just you and me. The final two in Mr. McMahon's tournament, two former World Champions, two former Wrestlemania Main Eventers, set to make history at Summerslam. And it looks like you got a special present earlier tonight, because its history you won't have to whine about. Mr. McMahon announced at the top of the show that the prize for this tournament will no longer be the WWE Championship, but a totally new title belt. How does that make you feel, Rey?"

Rey practically laughs. "I feel great. See Miz, this isn't something a person like you is likely to understand, but I care about the traditions of this sport. I care about my honor. So being named WWE Champion, a goal I've worked for my entire 22-year career, because I beat you and because Vince says that I am? That would be humiliating. Unlike you, I would consider it a black mark on my reputation. The only way I could accept being named WWE Champion, is by beating the WWE Champion, even if that meant taking him up on his offer and buying a ticket to Chicago!" After the pop for that line dies, Rey continues, "But a whole new title? That's a different story. Because despite what Vince said, he is not the one who decides what that title is worth. The ones who do that are you, me, and the fans, in 6 days at Summerslam. And remember this Miz: I'm going to make it worth a lot. I'm ready to pay a price in blood and pain you've never even imagined, because I know that's what it takes to change a piece of leather and metal into a Championship! The question is, Miz... are you willing to pay that price? Because if you're not, you will NEVER beat me."

Miz actually smirks. "I wouldn't understand, huh? I've got no honor. Its amazing how little you 'veterans,' understand me. You think you can lump me in with the rear end-kissers and write me off as a crony who's only at this level because he was gifted opportunities, right? That's why you assume I have no respect for tradition. I've got a news flash for you Rey Rey, if you think I'm a pawn for Vince McMahon, you've already lost. I'm in this game for one person, and one person only, and that is THE MIZ. But you're right about one thing: I don't give a drat about tradition. Tradition is why 'veterans,' like you got to kick me out of the locker room and make me dress in the hallway over imagined slights when I was a rookie. Tradition is why every news outlet on the planet was talking about The Rock the night after I main-evented the most-watched Wrestlemania in history. I hate tradition. If Vince had wanted to call me the WWE Champion, I would have accepted it gladly just because it would mean I got to spit right in tradition's face! But this, this is better. This new title means tradition is dead, and The Miz is going to put a big stake right through its heart. This title is going to be MY TITLE. Not yours, not Vince's, not WWE's, and certainly not the fans. MINE. And as for your 'price,' you better believe I'm willing to pay it. There will be pain, and blood, to make that Championship real. And the best part is that we both agree: the pain and the blood that get paid are going to be yours."

***

Throw to Cole after the commercial. "Another explosive episode of Miz TV! Well, folks, coming up later tonight you don't want to miss our tag team main event! Can Rey Mysterio and The Miz back up their words when they team with Justin Gabriel and Dolph Ziggler? Also, I've just been informed of some breaking news: Justin Gabriel will face Dolph Ziggler one-on-one for the WWE United States Championship, this Sunday at Summerslam! We'll have comments on this from Gabriel for you later tonight.

***

Drew McIntyre (w/ Jack Swagger) vs Evan Bourne (w/ Kofi Kingston)! Bourne took control of the early match, showing off that crowd-pleasing aerial offense. However, Drew hit a devastating Big Boot to stun Evan and a lifting sit-out spinebuster to secure a close 2-count. Finding a second win off the near-fall, Drew focused on Bourne's lower body to try and keep him grounded. Bourne's attempts to fight back were cut off at every turn as Drew set up for a tilt-o-whirl backbreaker, but in mid-spin Bourne was finally able to counter and deliver a Tornado DDT!

Despite still being daze, Evan immediately went up the Turnbuckle, looking for Air Bourne... but Swagger jumped up on the apron and started shouting! Kofi quickly pulled Jack down, starting a brawl at ringside, but the distraction was enough for McIntyre to hit the ropes and crotch Evan on the turnbuckle. The Chosen One grabbed his helpless victim by the neck and dragged him back to the mat, quickly planting him with the Future Shock DDT. The 1, 2, 3 was academic.

***

Justin Gabriel was backstage meditating when a voice off-screen calls out to him. "Excuse me, citizen!" The crowd pops as we pan out to a familiar face!



"Gregory Helms, Ace Reporter here. I'm looking for the scoop on your battle against the force of evil that is Dolph Ziggler!" Gabriel seems a bit bewildered by the outfit, but shrugs and tells him to ask away "Between your tournament match, the savage sleeper hold last week, tonight's Main Event, and a US title match at Summerslam, your feud with that near-do-well is starting to look like A Never-Ending Battle. But you came into Raw declaring Mr. Ziggler as your arch-enemy, so some might say you brought everything on yourself. So, my readers want to know... WASSUP WID DAT?!"

"Its like I said on the night I arrived: Dolph Ziggler represents everything wrong with this company. He could be one of the best, but instead he's a brown-noser who gets things handed to him by sucking up. Right now in WWE, thanks to that guy in Chicago, there's support for the Dolph Zigglers to get knocked off their pedestals by the guys who have been kept down. Heart can win out over business. But see, now there's more. Despite hating what he represents, before I didn't have a personal problem with Dolph. Then he cost me the finals and knocked me out with that Sleeper Hold, like the petty child that he is. So now, I've got a personal problem, and he's going to find out first hand what happens when I set the athlete aside and let the beast come out. Tonight, and at Summerslam, The Cape Town Werewolf is on the hunt."

***

"Wow, Gabriel with some strong words about Dolph Ziggler," Cole exclaims. The feed changes to another area backstage showing Kelly Kelly walking through a hall with the divas title over her shoulder. "And coming after the break, we'll be seeing the lovely Raw Divas in action as the Divas Champion, Kelly Kelly, takes on Maryse! You won't want to mi-" Before Cole can finish his sentence, Natalya Neidhart bursts through a door and ambushes Kelly from behind!

K2 is down for the count, but Nattie continues her assault by grabbing whatever she can find in the hall and bludgeoning her victim with it, yelling about how much of a disgrace Kelly is to the real women wrestlers in the WWE. Eventually satisfied with the beatdown she's dealt out, Natalya walks off as backstage security and medical officials check on Kelly.

***

John Morrison (w/ Melina) vs R-truth! This was a highly athletic contest with some great moves on display, but considering neither man has a feud going on there wasn't all that much to say other than that it was a really well-worked bout. Morrison won after hitting the Starship Pain.

***

Backstage, Dolph Ziggler and Vikki Guerrero are muttering to each other when Ace Reporter Gregory Helms rises up from the bottom of the frame. "Dolph! Vickie! Are you aware of Justin Gabriel's comments concerning your upcoming Summerslam Match? I mean, WASSUP WID-"

"EXCUUUUUUSE ME! I don't know who you think you are, but my client doesn't have to answer to the press!"

Helms seems stymied by Vikkie, but Ziggler brushes past her. "Listen, you little grease stain, I don't care what Gabriel said. In case you missed it, last week I took him out and put him to sleep, and I didn't even break a sweat doing it. Justin Gabriel may be good, but he's no Show-Off. And nobody else is either. I'll beat him, I'll beat Rey Mysterio, and I'll retain the US Title at Summerslam. How's that for a scoop?" His piece said, Ziggler leads Vikki to the curtain.

***

The Main Event! Rey Mysterio and Justin Gabriel vs The Miz (w/ Maryse) and Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vikki Guerrero)! Justin and Miz started off the action, and it became clear pretty quickly that Miz was outclassed in terms of athleticism. Justin was able to run circles around him with high-impact offense, hitting multiple springboard moves and dropkicks, but to Miz's credit he kicked out of every cover. A thumb to the eye out of the referee's sight turned the tide, and allowed Miz to tag in Ziggler.

The Show-Off proved a much better match for Gabriel, matching his pace and going move for move until a momentary opening allows for a snap Superkick! Gabriel goes down and is covered, but he gets a foot under the ropes to avoid a pin. Ziggler switches to the ground game to keep his opponent stuck in neutral, and the heels begin a double-team strategy, rapidly tagging and focusing heavily on holds and corner stomps. Things look bleak for Gabriel as Miz picks him up for a Power Bomb... but he counters with a sunset flip, and then rolls through into a dive to give Rey a truly spectacular hot tag! Rey runs wild on Miz, delivering kick after kick from seemingly every possible direction, and punctuating with a Halo DDT! 1! 2! Ziggler breaks up the pin, then drops a half-dozen rapid-fire elbows on Rey despite him still being on top of his partner!

Miz seems dead to the world from those elbows as Ziggler drags him back to their corner despite the referee's protests and blind tags himself in. The US Champion pounces on Rey, not showing an ounce of mercy, and then locks in the Sleeper Hold! Rey fades quickly, and the ref drops his hand once... twice... THRE-NO! Rey is alive and forces himself to his feet despite Ziggler putting all his weight on the Luchador's back! Rey powers back into the corner, the impact forcing Dolph to break the hold! Rey stumbles around the ring for a moment as Ziggler goes for his corner, but The Miz isn't there! He's heading up the ramp, abandoning Ziggler as a receipt for the elbow drops! Rey finds his second wind and gives Dolph a twisting Hurricanrana right onto the second rope! DIAL IT UP, COLE! 619! Dolph staggers back from the kick and collapses, and Rey tags in Gabriel! The Cape Town Werewolf scales the turnbuckle, his prey dead in his sights... and hits the 450 Splash! 1! 2! 3! The good guys win and celebrate, as Miz shouts from the ramp that on Sunday Rey won't have a partner to save him.

***

Great go-home show! Sadly the main brought things down just a bit due to poor chemistry of the face team. Overall it was a B

Raw, August Week 4 posted:

We're goin' out tonight! To take your very life!

***

No chance! Vince McMahon's Titantron plays to signal the start of Monday Night Raw... but rather than come down the ramp, we hear a honking horn as a Limo pulls into the Honda Center! Vince steps out of one door, and a suit-clad Alberto Del Rio, the WWE Universal Champion, appears from the other. John Laurinaitis quietly comes out behind them. "Well, here we are. San Diego, California. You know, considering recent events in this city at the San Diego Comic Con and an... uninvited guest WWE had there, I was a bit hesitant to start the era of my new Universal Championship here. But then I realized, this is the perfect venue. Why? Because San Diego is a city of LOSERS! You are masters of the art of letting greatness slip through your fingers. The San Diego Chargers got one shot at winning the Superbowl, and they LOST. The San Diego Padres got two shots at the World Series, and they LOST. The San Diego Clippers lost so badly, and so often, they're now the LOS ANGELES Clippers! And then... there's Rey Mysterio." He slaps Alberto on the shoulder, who chuckles and pats his gaudy red title belt. "Enough said. Now, on to some busi..."

Vince is cut off by a BOOYAKA! Rey Mysterio comes out to the delight of his hometown fans, mic in hand. "Vince, if you think I'm gonna sit in the back while you run down MY CITY, you're more deluded than I thought. San Diego defines greatness! Tony Gwynn may not have a World Series ring, but he's still in the Baseball Hall of Fame! Junior Seau doesn't need a Chargers Superbowl Ring for everyone to know he was the greatest linebacker in Football history! And here's a newsflash for you Vince: Money In The Bank may have put that title on Alberto's shoulder, but in the record books I'm ALWAYS going to be the first name on the list of Universal Champions, whether you like it or not!"

Del Rio scoffs at this rant. "Rey Rey, nobody cares about what happened Yesterday. Today is all that matters. You're 15 seconds of fame for winning this title first are over, and Alberto Del Rio's DESTINY is going to last forever. But by all means, if you can't accept that, keep crying. Eres tan patético, que resultas entraņable"

"Well Alberto, if I'm so pathetic that I'm entertaining, I'm sure you'd have no problem with me putting on some entertainment, TONIGHT. For example, if I cashed in my Automatic Rematch for the Universal Title, RIGHT HERE, IN SAN DIEGO!"

The crowd goes nuts! But Vince responds with a guttural HELL NO! "Rey, I've been dealing with trouble-making prima donnas ever since the WWE was founded. My Universal Championship represents leaving that kind of crap on the trash heap of history. And, if you'd bothered to actually read your match contract, you'd know that one of the ways I'm doing that is abolishing the Contractual Rematch. Never again will some petty child like you have to right to tell ME when you get a title match! This is MY Championship! I decide who fights for it! And there's nothing ANYONE on this planet can do to-"

BEHOLD, THE KING! THE KING OF KINGS! DAH NAH! DAH NAH! ON YA KNEES DOUG!

The Game has returned! Triple H, clad in suit and tie of all things, offers Rey a friendly handshake and leads him to the ring. "Vince, if there's one thing I've learned since I married into your family, its that you have an incredible talent: every time I think you can't possibly stoop any lower, you find a whole new level of SCUMBAG." The crowd blows up! "Now, for those of you just joining us, I. am. The Game. Triple H. 13-Time World Champion. And as of earlier this month, Chief Operating Officer of the WWE. I represent the Board of Directors, Vince, and the Board of Directors is not happy. Since Money in the Bank, you've led this company to an endless string of public humiliations, and managed to make yourself look like an even bigger raving psychotic. But you know what, I defended you anyway. I stood up for you, Vince. I told Linda, and Stephanie, and every other suit on that board than you knew what you were doing. And then you not only decided to invent a new Championship out of whole cloth, and do everything in your power to undermine that Championship's credibility, but on top of that you've spit on one of the most sacred traditions of This Business by eliminating the Rematch Clause. So, here's the thing: Rey Mysterio IS going to get his title shot. Because he won the title last night, because he pinned Del Rio to get to the finals of YOUR tournament. And most importantly, because Rey is that. drat. Good. You may be The Boss Vince, but the Board's decision... is FINAL."

Vince fumed, but he had no choice in the matter. "Fine, fine, fine, Rey will get his rematch." Rey's hometown crowd pops like crazy! "But he'll get it next week! I'm not going to have these San Diego hooligans rioting when Alberto Del Rio squashes him like the bug he is! And more importantly... I AM still in charge around here. Don't ANY of you forget that." Vince dropped the mic, leaving up the ramp while Hunter and Rey to once again exchanged handshakes. For his part, Cole hyped next week's Universal Title match between Rey and Del Rio, and reminded us of tonight's scheduled Main Event: Rey Mysterio vs US Champion Dolph Ziggler, in a non-title match.

***

Mason Ryan heads to the ring, where he will face 'The REAL Man,' that the Bella's have been seeking. Commentary reminds us of the confrontation with William Regal last week, when he promised the debut of one of his prospects from FCW, the WWE's developmental division.

The Bellas come out next to hype their charge: "For weeks, we've been looking for a REAL man, and boy did the ones in the back come up short. If you KNOW what I mean." "Every single one of them was INTIMIDATED by us! We were just too beautiful, sexy, and talented for them to handle. But now we've finally got a man who can SATISFY all our... needs" "Introducing, FCW's own... DERRICK BATEMAN!" Bateman steps onto the stage with a swagger and a mop of frizzy curls, and the Bellas each grab an arm and lift up a leg like they were in a Bad Marilyn Monroe Impression contest. The heels mug for the camera then strut down the ramp.

***

Mason Ryan vs Derick Bateman (w/ The Bellas)! Ryan was a bit dumbfounded by the size (or lack thereof) of his opponent and the frizz of his hair, but quickly laughed it off to start the match. However, he quickly found that Bateman was no laughing matter, and after a decent back and forth match Bateman delivered a surprise headlock driver! Cole informs us this move is called "The Man-Tastic," and it earns him the pinfall! The Bellas practically squeel with excitement at Bateman's victory, joining him in the ring for some braggadocios celebrating.

***

Santino Marella and Zack Ryder are in the locker room, where Santino seems utterly distraught. Ryder picks up their conversation: "Look, bro, this thing with Vince, I know its just gonna get worse before it gets better. He's not going to forgive me for standing up to him. I don't want you to get caught up in it. Besides, my leg injury is why we lost the tag titles. You need a partner at 100%, and I need to know that I'm not going to hold anyone else back if I fight hurt, because if Vince McMahon makes me target it's going to be the fight of my life."

Santino visibly droops. "You are a prince my friend. If this is-a your wish, I will respect. But remember, if you ever need help, The Cobra will be ready to strike! Now, I must begin once again my quest to find a tag team partner! I will never forget you Zackariah. You were no Vladimir Kozlov... but then, who is?"

Zack pats him on the back fondly, sending him off in friendship... then stops to process what Santino said and shouts "Kozlov? ARE YOU SERIOUS BRO?!"

***

Rene Dupree v Richie Steamboat (w/ Ricky Steamboat). Our second debut match of the evening saw a warm reception for The Son of the Dragon! With his father in tow, he played to the crowd before entering the ring, much to Dupree's chagrin. The action between the two was fast, with Steamboat setting the pace but Dupree showing he was able to keep up and assert his superior size when necessary. After several more minutes of high pace action, Dupree hit a stiff Misawa-style forearm, putting Richie on his back! He dragged the boy to his feet... and ate a superkick out of nowhere! Richie went up to the top rope to hit his daddy's famous Flying Crossbody, getting spectacular air off the leap! 1, 2, 3! Richie Steamboat wins his debut match!

***

After commercial, we find Alex Riley already out in the ring, ready for his scheduled match with The Miz! Cole rails on him for being an ingrate (of course) until Miz's music hits, but oddly Miz steps onto the stage in an ugly gray flannel suit and tie instead of his wrestling gear. "Riley, I'm sorry to say that, as the Card is Subject To Change, I will not be appearing in this ring tonight. After all, did you see that title match I was in last night? I've got more bandages and athletic tape under this jacket than the jacket has threads of Egyptian Cotton! But don't worry - I've brought an understudy, who's been chomping at the bit to make his big break."

Suddenly, a ridiculously fit-looking guy in black pants with long hair and a goatee cracks Riley's skull from behind! A-Ry is laid out! "Alex Riley, allow me to introduce The Future! From Davenport, Iowa..." An unfamiliar hard rock theme started up. "...Seth Rollins!" Rollins let out the best Evil Cackle I've heard since the Million Dollar Man, soaking in his theme music and shouting 'Yeah! I'm the future!' The crowd give back surprisingly passionate boos, the mark of an instant star.

***

After checking on his condition Riley insisted to the ref that would take the match! Alex Riley v Seth Rollins! Miz stayed ringside to watch as Rollins immediately went on the offensive. Riley seemed totally overwhelmed, Rollin's agility allowing him to avoid every attempt at a comeback. Near the end, Rollins lifted up Riley into a suplex but lost his grip or something and they landed a bit awkwardly. The ref checked on the two men, and Rollins was clearly nursing his bicep, but after a moment the ref backed off and they kept going. The match quickly went into the finish, whereby Rollins dodged a punch by Riley and gave him a spinning kick to the gut, hit the ropes as Riley collapsed to his hands a knees, and then drove Riley's face into the canvas with his foot! Riley lay motionless as Rollins covered and the ref counted to three! An impressive debut for Seth Rollins! Miz came in the ring to applaud his new protege, raising their hands in victory with that smug smirk.

***

Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero are in front of a green-screen of Dolph's logo, 80's style! The Show Off gleefully brags about retaining his US title at Summerslam, claiming he was the Silver Bullet for the Cape Town Werewolf. He promises that tonight, he'll prove his greatness at the expense of Rey Mysterio, just because Mr. McMahon asked him, and he'll look good doing it.

***

R-Truth comes out complaining about the conspiracy against him, explaining it was the reason he wasn't on Summerslam. Now to make things worse, they won't even tell him who his opponent is tonight. However, Truth makes it clear, it doesn't matter, because he's gonna show whoever it what it takes to be a star! However, it seems his opponent already knows everything about that! Its the return of... *deep breath* Gooooooldust!

***

R-Truth vs Goldust! Goldy started off the match doing typical Goldust things, which of course freaked Truth out. This allowed Goldust to take control of the match, prompting King to say that nobody plays Mind Games quite like Goldust. Truth rolled outside to regain his cool, and then came back with a flurry of offense. Truth was looking on the verge of embarassing the Bizzarre One and ruining his big return, but when he launched off the ropes looking for the Lie Detector Goldust dodged clean! He delivered a stunning Bionic Elbow, and then added the Final Cut! 1! 2! 3! Goldust is back!

***

After commercial, Air Boom headed to the ring (with new entrance music!), and called out David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty! Surprisingly the Tag Champs obliged, and Kofi laid out that they wanted a shot at the Tag Team titles because of how the champ's screwed them out of the Contendership before Summerslam. Otunga responded: "You want us to but these titles on the line, tonight? Well, good news! Tonight we are issuing an open challenge to anyone in the locker room, and we're putting our Tag Team Championships up for grabs in that match!" Evan and Kofi bumped fists and gestured for the champs to bring it, but Otunga just laughed.

"Can't you you two hear? I said IN THE LOCKER ROOM. You're in the RING!" King says something derogatory about Lawyers... but the heel's goofy villainy is interrupted by KA NEE TE! Its the Usos, and they apparently are here to accept the challenge! McG and Otunga hustle to the ring, where Evan argued with Otunga through the brother's haka. Ultimately, Air Boom relented and decided to shittalk the champs on commentary.

***

Otunga and McGillicuty vs The Usos! Tag Title On The Line! This was a pretty standard tag match with decent action between the two. At one point Otunga ate a superkick and looked like he was out, but McGilicutty got caught in the ropes trying to break up the pin and had to audibly call for Otunga to kick out. The crowd gave it to him for that one. In the end, Otunga disrupted a superfly splash attempt on McGilicutty, who took advantage and hit a McGilicutter. For emphasis, the champs added their backbreaker/elbow drop combination, the Dismissal, and McG pinned Jimmy to retain the titles.

Cole informs us that after the commercial break, its going to be our Main Event! Rey Mysterio vs US Champion Dolph Ziggler!

***

The Main Event! Rey Mysterio vs Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vikki Guerrero)! Rey and Dolph spent some time testing each other with some chain wrestling. Dolph tried to keep Rey grounded, but Rey came back with classic Lucha Libre-style acrobatics to counter the various holds. Dolph refused to be frustrated, intensifying his amateur ground game while Cole put over his accomplishments at Kent State. Rey's hometown fans got rabid for this match as Rey continued to turn the tide on Dolph's matwork, and the two really seemed to click in the ring.

Finally, after a good deal of back and forth Dolph rolled outside to collect himself and the fans let him have it. One particular fan caught Dolph's ire, some dweeb in a Rey mask and a very well-made replica spinner belt, and The Show-Off elected to get right in the man's face. The fan just laughed, and then pointed out back toward the ring. Dolph turned... right into a Tope Suicida from Mysterio! Dolph went crashing into the barricade as the fans went nuts. With both men down, and irate Vikki Gurrero inserted herself into the situation, giving out to the audience member and then ripping his mask off... TO REVEAL CM PUNK! The crowd went wild as Vikki stood dumbfounded, and popped again when Dolph dragged himself up only to be instantly frozen in shock as well!

Rey took advantage, hitting a flying hurricanrana from the apron, both driving Dolph's head into the safety mats and scaring Vikki away! Rey then stood up, dusted himself off, and clasped hands with Punk in manly action movie fashion to a THIRD monster pop. He then threw Dolph into the ring! Desperate and disoriented, Dolph grabbed the ropes to try to get to his feet, but that only put him in perfect position for the SIX! ONE! NINE! Rey rushed up to the top rope and Dropped The Dime! 1! 2! 3! A hometown victory over the United States Champion!

***

Rey plays to the San Diego fans, getting his well-deserved props, and the camera cuts to Punk offering a standing ovation. Rey notices him... and gestures for Punk to get in the ring! Punk milks this for all its worth, gesturing as if to ask the crowd if he should, and finally hurdles the barricade and gets in the ring, WWE Championship in hand! He and Rey share another handshake, and cap it off with a backslap for Maximum Bro. Punk then hoists Rey's arm to a big pop... and Rey in turn hoists Punk title-holding arm and points to the belt, a clear message to Vince. Rey then gets serious, pointing to the belt, and gesturing around his own waist. Punk smirks, pats his gold, and checks his imaginary watch. The camera mic barely picks up "Any time, Rey!" as he makes the 'bring it on,' gesture.

Lawler is having a grand old time about all this, as is the audience. Cole stutters, unsure what to say and carefully dancing around saying Punk's name or mentioning what he's carrying. Finally he says Raw is going off the air immediately, and wishes everyone good night from San Diego.

***

A spectacular Raw! The three young bloods Rollins, Steamboat and Bateman all performed tremendously in their debuts, and the huge returns of Goldust, Triple H and Punk were all successes. A great kickoff to the second half of the year. The only thing holding this show back was the Main Event under-performing a bit in service to Punk's angle, which makes this Raw an overall B

ChrisBTY posted:

Alright I have to ask.

Matt Hardy.
As Matanza.
When you have Jeff Cobb.
In the same promotion.
In the same stable.

I'm not chiding the decision, I am just curious as to the thought process behind it.

Raw for September Week 2 posted:

Take Everything We Want! Take Everything In Sight!

***

Welcome everyone to the longest running weekly episodic television series in history! Monday Night Raw is live from Columbus, Ohio's Nationwide Arena! And out first is a big stretch limo pulling up next to the Titantron to the sound of trumpets. Vince McMahon and Universal Champion Alberto Del Rio step out to a chorus of boo's and CM Punk chants, and make their way to the ring.

Vince lets the crowd chant Punk's name for a minute, and then gets in: "You know, it amuses me that all these weeks later you keep on chanting that name. First he abandoned you, and sure he showed back up with a front row ticket and did a little grandstanding, but where is he now? Where is your precious hero now? I don't see him, do you? Where are your other heroes for that matter? Rey Mysterio? My... misguided son-in-law? I'll tell you where they are, they are pulled up the table eating a big plate of humble pie with a side of crow, just like each and every one of you! You all thought that if you just BELIEVED and CHEERED and all that other crap you do, that the Big Bad Boss would lose and you'd get a happy ending. Let me tell you something folks, happy endings are for winners, and Vince McMahon ALWAYS wins. Now, if we're done with fantasy, I'd like to treat you all to a dose of reality: Mexico's Greatest Export, The Aristocrat, The Universal Champion, Alberto Del Rio!" Vince leads his audience of one in a round of applause as the crowd jeers.

"Thank you, Mr. McMahon. You know, when I came to this country I didn't know if my greatness would be properly appreciated. I expected that I would have to take what by all rights should have been given to me. Main Event Matches, Championships, Money, Power, these things should have always been mine because they are my Destiny! But you, El Jefe... you already knew that. That's why you came to me, Senor De Nero El Banco, and asked to me remove this title from Rey Mysterio at all costs at Summerslam. Some people do not respect what it means to be a man of Destiny. Triple H and Rey Mysterio, they say I have to prove myself even though I owe perros like them NOTHING! But because of my endless greatness, I proved it anyway. I defeated Rey Mysterio once and for all, and I shut Triple H's mouth by doing it! Now, I stand before you, as Rey de Reyes! El Campeon Del Universo! ALBERTO DEL RIO! And I answer to only one man."

He hands the mic back to Vince, who's grinning like a madman. The Chairman just has one thing left to say: "I win. You lose. Get used to it." NO CHANCE IN HELL plays as they exit up the ramp.

***

The first match of the night was to determine a tag title shot at Hell in a Cell! It's Air Boom v Otunga and McGillicuty! Air Boom really took it to the champs to start the match, showing just how hungry they were for this after weeks of being ducked, but eventually Otunga and McG were able to take back control off a Double Suplex. Otunga went to work on Bourne with a long bout of mean-looking offense, and the crowd was really getting behind him as the man in peril, trying to will him the energy to get back into it and popping big for every kick and punch he managed to throw.

Finally, Evan countered a big corner splash into a Sunset Flip and dived halfway across the ring! Kofi got the tag and went strait into the corner, unloading on Otunga... only for Jack Swagger to rush the ring and hit both men with a double German Suplex! Drew McIntyre joined his partner, hitting Kofi with the Future Shock as Swagger put Otunga into the Ankle Lock! With both teams being attacked, the ref had no choice but to ring the bell and declare the match a no contest. The two jerks ran up the ramp before Bourne could get his hands on them. McGillicuty helped his partner out of the ring, but both men were clearly smiling at Evan and Kofi's visible frustration at being screwed.

***

Santino Marella continued his search for a new tag partner in Greece, where the greatest wrestlers of ancient history made their homes. He visits tourist hot spots dedicated to the Greek myths, and tells some fractured fairytales to the locals about Hercules, Achilles and others. He got another tip about that mysterious European Tag Wrestling master, so he's off to England!

***

Seth Rollins vs A Debut Talent! We return from commercial with the new guy, who's announced as CJ Parker. Cole mentions he's recently completed his training in FCW, but is cut off by the arrival of Rollins, flanked by Miz and Maryse. Rollins got in the ring as Miz joined commentary, where he spent the whole match talking up Seth Rollins accolades. Rollins backed up this praise in the ring with a dominate performance, and Curb Stomped Parker after just a few minutes to pick up the win. Rollins gloated as Miz noted that guys always talk about spoiling a hot prospect's debut, but Rollins actually got the job done.

***

In the locker room, Rey Mysterio is moping around on a bench when two golden hands get a little handsy with his shoulders. Goldust's gravely voices purrs some encouragement: "Rey, there's no need to be so down. Yes, its tragic that that dastardly Del Rio absconded with your gold, but for a man like you, titles come and go. The name Mysterio will blaze across the cosmos for a hundred years for all the great things you've done in this industry! You're a STAR, baby!"

Rey chuckles nervously and slips out of Goldust's grasp. "I appreciate that, man. But I picked a bad time to come up short. People are counting on me to stand up to Vince, and I didn't just fail, I lost to man without an ounce of honor."

Goldust shivers in apparent ecstasy at Rey's words, leaving the luchador plainly uncomfortable. "Ooooh, yes! Rey, you're so passionate. You have fire inside you, you just need something to bring the embers back up to a blaze! Watch my match tonight, in the Main Event. John Morrison and I are co-starring in a fantastic little vignette where we shatter the dreams of young Miz and Ziggler. I promise you, we'll show you something so that you never forget your passion... and you'll never forget the name *BREATH* Gooooooldust! Exit: Stage Left!" Goldust wanders out of the room, and Rey stares after him with an unreadable expression.

***

Derek Bateman v Local Jobber. The REAL Man came out with the Bellas to face some local talent who was already in the ring. The match went exactly as you'd expect, with Bateman taking out the Jobber in about four minutes, getting the finish once again with the "Mantastic."

***

After the match, Bateman continued the beating on the helpless jobber as the Bellas cheered him on. Jerry Lawler expressed disgust, reminding us how the Bellas have been having that man bully every person they come across since his debut for no reason. Cole asks if King of all people would not be doing whatever the Bellas asked if he were lucky enough to be in Bateman's "position," and King grumbles in response.

***

Zack Ryder v R-Truth! WHAT'S UP!? R-truth came out to his customary silence, ranting and raving at Little Jimmy as Ryder gave the hard camera a 'check-this-guy-out,' kind of look. Unfortunately this gave Truth a great opportunity to punch him in the mouth. The two Superstars had a very nice back and forth match after that initial exchange, which Ryder eventually won off hitting the Rough Ryder. The crowd needed this after a couple squashes, and were really getting behind Zach.

***

A tired and sweaty Zack grabbed a mic from ringside and shouted "WHERE ALL MY BRO'S AT!?" The crowd responded with a wave of 'Woo! Woo! Woo!' which had Zack grinning like a madman despite his heavy breathing. "Just a few weeks ago, I was spending every Monday Night cooling my heels in the locker room while guys like Truth were taking shots at the World Championship. From day one in this company, I believed with every fiber of my being that I had the stuff to be one of the greatest of all time. The only thing I ever wanted was a chance, and that was the only thing Vince McMahon refused to give me. But then YOU changed everything! Every night, no matter who was in this ring, even if it was Dwayne freaking Johnson, you all chanted 'We Want Ryder.'" The crowd echoes him, and Zack seems a little choked up. "I don't know if I can come through for you. I don't know if I can live up to the faith you've all put in me. But I promise you I'm gonna fight every night with every drop of blood in my veins! Zack Ryder will NEVER quit! WOO, WOO, WOO, YOU KNOW IT!"

***

What does Billionaire Playboy Kassius Ohno bring to table as a WWE Superstar? In his efforts to better himself, he's studied fighting techniques from all over the world, from Kickboxing to Krav Maga to Kung-Fu. But don't think this man's spends all his money on travel! As a renouned philanthropist, Ohno has dedicated large portions of his fortune to the renovation of his home city, bringing much needed jobs and new infrastructure to the city, as well as large donations to the care of local orphanages and foster programs. Whether he's fighting to make the world a better place in OR out of the ring, Kassius Ohno never quits! Coming Soon to Monday Night Raw!

***

ACE REPORTER Gregory Helms caught up with Bateman and Bellas backstage, and asks for some time. They told him to wait and take a few moments to primp and discuss how they will hype up Bateman in this exclusive interview. They turn back and tell him to ask away, so Helms asks if they know anything about Billionaire Playboy Kassius Ohno. Team 3-B looked disgusted and Bateman shoved the intrepid newsman into the closest wall before leading his ladies off! Helms looked confused and more than a little pissed.

***

Justin Gabriel is attempting to meditate backstage, but is clearly a bit perturbed and unable to completely calm himself. Scott Stanford finds him and asks him what's wrong. Gabriel launches into a rant where he calls out Miz for still being unable to beat him on his own. "He's put a little army between me and him, yeah? His new whipping boy Rollins and his girl Maryse, they'll do anything to protect their meal ticket, yeah? But they can't protect him from me. Not forever." He gets up and heads for the curtain with a purpose.

***

Justin Gabriel v JTG! The two agile superstars traded blows for a few minutes, though Gabriel had the upper hand for most of the match. Unfortunately JTG seemed to have some significant ring rust, as he failed to execute several offensive manuevers and had to be dragged into proper position by Gabriel when he didn't land properly off a second-rope bulldog. Mercifully after about eight minutes Gabriel put JTG away with the 450 splash. Perhaps when called about this match he should not have picked up his phone.

***

Air Boom confronts Johnny Ace about the interference in the contenders match, but they find the tag champs already in his office. John says that Otunga was just giving his the "Harvard Run-down," on the status of the Tag Division based on their match being no-contest. "You see boys, the wording of that match contract was very specific. It stipulated that the outcome of the match between us would be the absolute last word on the #1 Contendership for the Hell In The Cell Pay-Per-View. Which means that because the result was a 'No Contest,' they don't have to fight anybody."

Otunga holds up a novelty contract with a big NO CONTEST written in the challengers signature spot in what can only be Comic Sans font. He and McG share a big laugh as Laurinaitis puts on his most plastic smile, and wishes Kofi and Evan the best of luck in all future endeavors in the Tag Division. Air Boom promises that this is not over.

***

Richie Steamboat (w/ The Dragon) vs Rene Dupree! The 3rd Match of the Best of Seven series showed these two were starting to get to know each other's styles, with Rene providing several impressive counters to spots he ate dirt on in the first two matches. However, despite his rookie status Richie showed the same ability, countering several of Rene's signature spots. Rene didn't let himself become frustrated, and goaded Richie with some taunts, leading to a dust-up against the ropes which the ref was forced to break up. With the official and Richie distracted Rene unloaded a massive a low blow, and followed up with a schoolboy! 1! 2! 3! Dupree goes up 2-1, and gives Richie a painful lesson in the shortcuts a veteran might take in the ring.

***

HHH is stopped backstage by Scott Stanford, who asks the COO about Alberto Del Rio's decisive victory over Rey Mysterio. "Well Scott, I may not like Del Rio, I may not like what he had to say at the top of the show, but here's the thing: he did the one thing I was pretty sure he didn't have the cajones to do, and that's beat Rey Mysterio strait up without taking any shortcuts. He proved me wrong, and that's sort of caught me off guard in terms of what the title scene ought to look like, because frankly I wasn't almost 100% sure that today he would not be in it. So, I'm talking to the board, and we'll have an official announcement next week, right here on Raw, as to who will fight Alberto Del Rio for the Universal Championship at Hell In The Cell. And trust me, that announcement won't just be good... it'll be that. drat. Good."

***

Time for the Main Event! The Miz (w/ Maryse) and Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vikki Guerrero) v John Morrison (w/ Melina) and Goldust! The match stayed pretty even throughout, with plenty of tags in and out and all potential combinations of stars coming up roughly even in their clashes. Toward the latter half the heels got the edge when Ziggler raked Morrison's eyes keep control, and the Shaman of Sexy found himself on the receiving end of a quadruple team as Maryse, and Vicki lent a few covert chokes and slaps when the ref wasn't watching. Despite this onslaught Morrison continued to kick-out of every pin attempt, showing the guts of a Champion! Dolph's fury led him to go for his deadly Sleeper, but Morrison was able to desperately counter into the Moonlight Dive neckbreaker! Goldust roused the crowd to a fever pitch, sending their energy to Morrison so he could deliver the hot tag!

Goldust ran through both Miz and Dolph, dumping the Awesome One out of the ring with a back body drop and going back to work on Ziggler! Vikki and Maryse rushed to Miz's side to help him get back in the fight and save Ziggler... only for someone to jump the barricade and start laying into him! The announcers paniced over the seemingly psychotic fan until they recognized Justin Gabriel! The Cape Town Werewolf seemed to have gone rabid, laying into Miz without an ounce of mercy! He sets Miz up for a diving dropkick into the barricade, but at the last moment Maryse puts herself between her boyfriend and his attacker as a human shield. Conflicted over attacking a non-wrestler/woman, Gabriel retreats into the crowd.

Meanwhile, Ziggler has remained oblivious to to the drama, and is layed out by the Final Cut! Goldust tags in Morrison, who jump from Apron to Top Rope and rolls strait into the Starship Pain! One, two, three! Morrison pins the United States Champion! Melina comes into the ring and celebrates with Morrison and Goldust over the remains of their opponents at ringside to close out the show.

***

Overall Rating: B

Raw for September Week 3 posted:

*MYSTERIOUS STATIC HISS*...WE'LL GO UNTIL THE WORLD STOPS TURNIN' AND WE BURN IT TO THE GROUND TONIGHT!

***

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us to Ottawa's Scotiabank Place, and then take us strait to the action!

Its Zack Ryder vs Tyler Reks! However, the match hasn't officially started yet when Vince McMahon steps onto the stage! He storms down to the ring, steps right past the two superstars and demands a microphone. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! Who back there is responsible for putting THAT MAN'S FACE ON MY SHOW!? I know you all saw it! I know one of you is working for him! Who is it? I swear I'm going to fire every last one of you! Everyone in the trucks, everyone behind that curtain, every drat person in the locker room if that's what it takes! I won't have this insubordination! I won't be undermined! This is my show, damnit! ITS MINE! MIIIIINE!"

"Are you serious, bro?" The crowd pop's big as Zack interrupts The Boss! Vince seems to be borderline in shock, like he'd barely even noticed anyone else was in the ring. "In case you haven't noticed Vince, I've got a match here. Why don't you go have your mental breakdown somewhere else?"" Vince's face goes from red to purple in record time, and he demands to know who the hell Ryder thinks he is! "Who am I? I'm the Long Island Iced Z, Zack Ryder. And as usual, you're between me and what I want! Well I'm tired of being afraid of your temper tantrum's Vince, and I'm not the only one! So on behalf of the entire Locker Room, allow me to the be first to tell you to your face what everyone, especially that guy from Chicago, has been thinking for a decade: Get out of our way, or get run over! Ref, RING THE BELL, BRO!"

***

The ref paused for a moment, looking for approval, but Vince seemed almost dumbstruck. Eventually, the official just shrugged and rang the bell! Vince made his way out with almost lurching steps, and joined the commentary team. He more or less ignored all attempts at questioning by Cole and Lawler, and instead focused on angry mutterings on a variety of topics, from Rey Mysterio to Triple H to unruly technicians. In the ring, Ryder was on Reks hard out of the blocks and showed off all his signature spots. Tyler got in a few minutes of offense, but Zack turned the tide with a savage DDT allowing him to hit a HUGE Rough Ryder! 1, 2, 3, Zack picks up the win as Vince simply stares into space.

***

Santino Marella is still searching for the mysterious Tag Wrestling Master in England, one of wrestling's most historic heartlands! He visits the great schools of Catch-As-Catch-Can wrestling, legendary arenas where World of Sports captured the imaginations of the generation, and of course, Wembly Stadium, where Summerslam '92 was held. He even visit's William Regal's home city of Blackpool, where he questions local trainees about his quarry... but it seems to be a dead end! Nobody has seen the Tag Expert, as he left Europe for Parts Unknown years prior. Santino's efforts may be all for naught!

***

Derrick Bateman w/ The Bella Twins v CJ Parker! Parker was already in the ring when we came back from commercial, and once the bell rand didn't fare much better than last week. Bateman was characteristically arrogant as he out-wrestled CJ, but one taunt too many gave Parker the opening he needed to toss Bateman into the corner and deliver a nasty looking palm strike to the face for a nearfall! Bateman went into a rage off this mussing of his face, and savagely beat Parker into submission before delivering the Man-Tastic for the 3-count.

***

The Bellas immediately came in to tend to Bateman after the fall, making sure his face was ok. After a bit of encouragement from them, Bateman started laying into Parker again. He signaled for a second Man-tastic, hoisted Parker into position and...

STAND BACK! THERE'S A HURRICANE COMING THROUGH!

A swell of heroic music signaled the return of WWE's greatest Superhero, The Hurricane! He charged down the ramp as a full sprint, his cape billowing behind him as he slid into the ring and put fists to Bateman's face! Bateman threw a few punches in return, but they were easily avoided with a little Hurri-speed, and soon he found himself in the grip of the CHOKE-SLAM! Hurrican signaled for the Shining Wizard to finish his dastardly foe, but Bateman simply rolled out of the ring, where The Bellas quickly aided his retreat. Hurricane offered a helping hand to Citizen Parker and then posed for the crowd! Justice stands tall in Ottowa!

***

Backstage, Triple H finds the Tag Team Champions Otunga and Axel gathered around a coffee machine. Otunga sips his beverage after offering a sarcastic greeting to his 'boss.' "Enjoying your coffee Otunga? I mean, I know what a serious and dedicated competitor you are, so I guess a good cup of coffee is about the only thing that could console you after finding out you wouldn't be allowed to defend your Championship at Hell In The Cell. But here's the thing: because I KNOW how much you two boys really want to compete, I had the Board review your contract. You were absolutely right that whoever was written in that 'Challenger' space was your contender, and the 'No Contest' in that space meant you didn't have one. But it turns out, all we had to do was add more spaces." Triple H reveals a novelty contract nearly identical to the one Otunga showed last week, complete with No Contest in the Contender's slot... but an additional half dozen blank lines underneath it. "I already told the guys in the back that anyone who wants to can sign this one, and man did we get a lot of volunteers. So congratulations, you've gone from having no contender... to a Tag Team Turmoil match."

Otunga looks ill and his mug of coffee trembles in his hand as Hunter wanders off-screen... but then pokes his head back and says "Oh, by the way? You're fighting Air Boom again. Tonight. Next." Otunga drops his coffee and his mug shatters. He clearly didn't like what TRI said.

***

Air Boom vs Otunga and Axel! The Tag Champs are clearly not happy about this match, and take every shortcut in the book to try and get an early victory, going for early eye rakes and questionable double-team tactics on Kofi. Otunga gets right in the ref's face for some physical AND legal intimidation when he threatens them with disqualification. Kofi shows his iron-man side, enduring the onslaught for nearly half the match's length and occasionally firing back with a stray kick, forearm or suplex. However, every time he creates separation and tries to tag in Evan, he gets pulled back from the tag.

Desperation sets in when McG sets up for a McGillicuter, and Kofi manages to avoid the move and hit Trouble In Paradise, putting both men on the mat! The ref starts the ten-count, but both start crawling for their corners, Otunga and Bourne both stretching for all they're worth... and its a double tag! Evan uses every bit of his agility to avoid a flurry of strikes from Otunga and delivers a Halo DDT right into a kipup and Standing Moonsault! The spectacular combination pops the crowd and leaves Otunga helpless! Bourne scales the turnbuckle... and delivers the Shoot Star Press! 1! 2! 3! Air Boom has pinned the Tag Champs!

***

In the back, Scott Stanford asks Zack Ryder what the heck he's doing by so blatantly antagonizing the Chairman of the Board? "Where did playing nice ever get me? Ever since WWE took over the industry in 2001, everyone's believed that kissing The Boss's rear end is the only way to get ahead. But here's what Vince has been trying to make everyone forget for a decade: WWE doesn't make Champions, Champions make WWE! The Man In Chicago didn't get the gold by kissing rear end, he got it by being the best! And Stanford? That's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to fight everybody, and I'm going to win! And if Vince doesn't like that, he can tell me to hit the bricks, and I'll follow that road all the way to Tokyo, or the Hammerstein Ballroom, or maybe even Orlando. Vince will never let that happen, because he KNOWS that I'm the future of this business! So Mr. McMahon, if you've got a problem with Zack Ryder... then COME AT ME, BRO!"

***

Rene Dupree v Richie Steamboat (w/ Ricky). Another great back-and-forth between these two, their chemistry shining as they countered each other even more effectively and showed a few new moves to try and earn an edge. However, just when it was looking like Richie was going to pull a victory out, he made a critical error, allowing a springboard armdrag to be countered straight into Dupree's Cobra Clutch Slam, the Bonne Nuit! Dupree scores a clean pinfall over the Young Dragon. Richie looked decidedly disheartened, as he'd lost the previous bouts dirty but this time got strait up beat, and he stares into space with a blank expression despite his father's attempts to console him. Dupree simply crows and taunts the crowd as he goes up 3-1, meaning next week's contest could be the end of this Best of Seven Series.

***

In the Locker Room, Goldust is trying to psyche Rey Mysterio up for The Main Event, where he'll tag with John Morrison vs Ziggler and Del Rio. His method of psyching up seems to be interpretive dance. Rey watches, somewhat bewildered. "Rey, do you feel the fire within you sparking? Do you feel the embers *inhale* kindling?" Rey says he feels a little naseous. "Good! That's the first step. I'm telling you Rey, the bright lights of the arena are going to shine on you tonight! You're going to feel the FIRE again! And I'll be right there, by your side, to make sure it burns Hooooooooot." He makes that weird growling noise and bites the air, which prompts Rey to slowly sneak out a nearby door. "Yes Rey, this will truly be A Night To Remember!"

***

R-Truth v Mason Ryan. Truth looks surprisingly good against Ryan given his recent string of defeats. He seemed to take his recent record to heart and used this bout to put his back on strait... or as strait as Truth can make it when he's constantly consulting Little Jimmy for fight advice. Truth puts on a clinic, and the Colossus of Cardiff had trouble even laying hands on the agile veteran. It wasn't long before Truth hit the Lie Detector and got a clean victory. WHAT'S UP?

***

In the ring we see a collection of incense burners, bowls of fruit and colorful throw pillows. Lounging in the center is John Morrison, who welcomes us to The Palace Of Wisdom. "Hi, I'm John Morrison, and I once carried ten gallons of Arrowhead Spring Water up Mount Everest just to see which ice would win in a fight. It was a 60-minute Broadway and somehow Ric Flair walked out as Champion. Anyway, tonight I'll try to bring some inner peace to a struggling soul, and so please welcome my guest: Justin Gabriel.

Morrison says that he's noticed Gabriel's chakras are all out of alignment, and invites him to vent his issues. Gabriel talks about how frustrating it is that Miz continues to embarass him when he knows he's the superior wrestler, and the anger is waking up the wild animal inside. Morrison suggests a meditation mantra that the folks at home can chant along with them: 'Miz Is Trash.' They start 'meditating,' to this chant until The A-Lister himself and Seth Rollins crash their party. Miz is blue in the face, and rants that the two "idiot hippies," have no right to call him trash. He tells Morrison he is going to screw up his contendership at Hell In The Cell for Ziggler's title because he's been a choke artist his entire career. He also asks Gabriel to prove he's superior by talking about all his accomplishments, such as being US Champion, Tag Team Champion, WWE Champion, and Main Eventing at Wrestlemania. "Oh wait, I did all those things, because you're a LOSER!"

Gabriel looks like he's about to snap, but Morrison no-sells the taunts and suggests they return to their meditation. Miz is the one who finally loses his cool, and leads Rollins in a charge on the ring, but Morrison and Gabriel avoid their initial rush and quickly clearing the ring! The heels are forced to retreat.

***

The Usos vs Jack Swagger and Drew McIntyre! The Usos pleased the crowd with their Haka, but once they got in the ring Drew bum-rushed Jimmy for the early edge! Jimmy managed to recover with a monkey-flip counter and then followed up with a flurry of punches to try and overwhelm The Chosen One. Jimmy managed to get Drew into his corner, and he and Jey worked the double-team style, throwing in some crowd interaction to keep from looking heelish. Cole brought up that a win here for the Usos could be huge for momentum, as both teams will surely be signing up for the Tag Team Turmoil match Triple H announced earlier.

Looking to secure the win, Jey went for a crossbody off the ropes, but Drew dodged and delivered a deep arm drag, then tagged in Swagger. Jack grabbed Jey and started aggressive corner work which had the ref pushing to a four count several times, but the officials scolding just gave Drew cover to get in some cheap shots. Swagger transitioned to working Jey's ankle, both setting up the ankle lock and taking away his superkick, then hit a T-bone suplex to set Jey up for a Swagger bomb... but Jey rolled out of the way and dived for a Hot Tag to Jimmy! Drew ran in to intercept the fresh man, but ate a hard right hand knocking him to the outside! A flurry of chops and kicks put Jack on his back, but rather than cover him Jimmy ran the ropes to deliver a big Suicide Dive to Drew. Spectacularly, the still dazed Jey tagged himself back in off his brother's back in mid-flight! He went to the top rope and launched the Superfly Splash... but Swagger got out of the way! Jey tried to adjust, but landed right on his bad ankle, allowing Swagger to take advantage and immediately put him in the Patriot Lock! The Uso tapped out in mere moments, giving Swagger and McIntyre the win!

***

Backstage, Vince is leaving the building, but on his way to his limo he rambles to Johnny Ace about Zach Ryder's definance and demands his lacky come up with some way of putting him in his place. Laurinaitis promises he'll make that punk wish he'd never been born, and Vince snaps at him to NEVER say that word in his presence.

As they depart, we see that Miz and Rollins, still licking their wounds from the Palace of Wisdom brawl, were listening in. Rollins seems extremely intruiged, and suggests that perhaps this is an opportunity to curry favor with management. Miz scoffs at the notion. "The Brass in this company don't care about anyone but their hand-picked boys, and I don't fit their little profile. I'm not doing Vince any favors." Rollins tries to debate the topic, but Miz cuts him off: "Look Seth, let me explain something: if you bite off more than you can chew, The Miz won't be there to bail you out, and if I need bailing out, you better be there, or you can kiss your career goodbye. As long as you remember those two things, I'm fine with any extra-curriculars you want to try out. Clear?" Rollins nods.

***

THE MAIN EVENT! Alberto Del Rio (w/ Ricardo) and Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vikki Guerrero) vs Rey Mysterio (w/Goldust) and John Morrison (w/ Melina). Alberto Del Rio is brought to ringside by a limosine again, and when King sarcastically asks what happened to his fancy cars, Cole asks if he would turn down a limo Mr. McMahon was paying for just to drive himself. The action in this bout is fast and furious out of the gate, with Rey putting Ziggler through his paces, but a tag to Del Rio slows things down. He and Ziggler work together, Ziggler's amateur chops and Del Rio's MMA training allowing them to attack the neck, shoulder and arm with brutal efficiency, potentially setting Rey up for either a Cross Armbreaker or a Sleeper finisher.

Morrison and Goldust cheer on Rey and fire up the crowd, trying to give him the energy he needs to turn the tide, and finally Rey catches both heels in a glorious double Tornado DDT, planting both of them into the mat! Rey crawls for the tag, and Morrison reaches... but Del Rio catches his foot, dragging him back toward the INZUGIRI RIGHT TO THE TEMPLE! Del Rio collapses and Morrison tags in! Rey rolls out and Goldust checks on his shoulder, but the crowd's eyes are all on JoMo and his explosion of offense on Ziggler! The US Champion is dominated by kicks and strikes and a Moonlight Dive neckbreaker, and a Shotgun Dropkick puts Del Rio back on the canvas for another big pop! Morrison is on fire and he kips up and sets up Ziggler for Starship Pain, but The Show Off manages to roll to the outside... so Morrison hits him with a Corkscrew Splash from the top rope to the floor!

The ring is a wasteland as all four men are out of it, but its Del Rio who recovers first, and he goes to ringside looking for a chair! The official is too busy Counting 10 on Ziggler and Morrison to notice, but Rey and Goldust see him and move to intercept. Goldy wrestles the weapon out of Del Rio's hands and rears back for a big swing... but Del Rio ducks and the swing goes wide, clocking Rey Mysterio! Goldust drops the weapon in shock at what he's done, and Del Rio uses the opening to deliver a Double-Knee Backstabber to the Bizarre One! Back in the ring, Vikki Guerrero has the official's attention, so Del Rio slides Ziggler the chair, and he uses it to assist a Zig Zag, driving Morrison's head into the steel! He tosses the evidence and covers without the ref seeing a thing! 1! 2! 3! The Heels win!

***

ADR and Ziggler celebrate their victory... but their good time is interrupted by Triple H! The COO grabs a mic: "Sorry to interrupt your party, but I promised I'd have a challenger for Del Rio's Championship before this Raw was over. It took a lot to decide who should be #1 Contender. There's plenty of deserving guys in the back, but none of them seemed like the right fit for Raw's first new Brand-Exclusive Pay Per View. None of them seemed right to undo the damage to that title's credibility you and Vince have inflicted. None of them seemed like the guy who could take the fight to Alberto Del Rio. But then I woke up this morning, looked in the mirror, and realized: the answer was staring me right in the face." He gets a little smirk on his face as the crowd reacts to the hint, and Del Rio demands he name the challenger: "You want a name? How about THE ASSKICKER? How about THE KING... OF KINGS? Alberto Del Rio, your #1 Contender for the Universal Championship... IS TRIPLE! H! At Hell In The Cell... its Time! To Play! The Game!" The crowd erupts as TRI goes nose to nose with Alberto to close out Raw.

***

Overall Rating: B

Raw for September Week 4 posted:

BEHOLD THE KING! HHH opens the show, saying he's here to clarify the question that's been on everyone's mind since he declared he was #1 Contender last week: will that Title Match against Del Rio be HELL? IN THE CELL? The answer... is yes. "In two weeks, Alberto, your life is going to change forever. You're going to face a match unlike any other, against an opponent unlike any other. Nothing you've done before has prepared you for what's coming. I know what it takes to win that match. I know what it takes to SURVIVE that match. And you don't know a drat THING about what's coming. That's why Hell In The Cell... is gonna be Game. Ov-."

Triple H drifts off as the crowd goes insane... BECAUSE CM PUNK HAS ENTERED THE ARENA! He makes his way down the stairs with the WWE Championship slung on his shoulder, and soon takes a seat in the front row VIP corner, putting his feet up on the barricade. Triple H looks down at Punk with an amused expression. "Get caught in traffic kid? You missed half of the opening promo, now you're not gonna know what's going on." Punk simply shrugs and gestures for him to continue. Triple H shakes his head. "You know what, I've got a better idea. As much as the WWE Universe loves to hear me talk... I'm thinking they want to hear YOU talk a hell of a lot more. So why don't you step into this ring, and set off one of those... Pipe Bombs?"

The fans go ballistic even as Punk (somewhat sardonically) begs off Triple H's invitation. But this impasse doesn't last, because Vince McMahon storms out from behind the curtain! "GET THAT CAMERA OFF THAT SON OF A BITCH! I WON'T HAVE HIM FILMED ON MY TV SHOW!" Vince raves all the way down the ramp and gets in Triple H's face, but Hunter calmly snatches the mic from Vince's hands. Punk lets out a loud WOOP, playing obnoxious sports fan to the delight of the audience. Vince looks like he's going to go down and strangle Punk, but Hunter grabs his shoulder. Unexpectedly, Punk gestures toward Triple H... HE WANTS A MIC!

Vince is outraged, but Triple H silences him with a glare, and delivers it. Punk lets the tension build for a moment... then speaks. "Well, here we are, huh Vince? All your power, all your money, and I'm right back here, on Monday Night Raw, with this microphone, speaking to the people, and I am STILL the WWE Champion. The only difference is now, you don't own me anymore, but I still own the legacy of your entire company. I won, Vince. You lost." Despite turning beet red Vince refuses to speak or even look at Punk. "You know, I can play this game forever. The purse I won by winning this title at Summerslam can buy a lot of plane tickets. I can show up to every Monday Night Raw for YEARS... unless I get board with it and start putting MY championship up from grabs on other people's TV shows... BROTHER." Vince's AND Hunter's eyes go wide at the reference, but the Chairman still won't speak. "But I will admit to one thing, Vince; I've had this urge lately to give you one last word before I walk away, to stand eye to eye with you one last time. So I came here tonight to offer you a... lets call it a parley. At Hell in the Cell, I will meet you in this ring, and we can finish this once and for all!" The crowd blows up at this. "We can settle it with words. We can even settle it with fists if you want. But, let me make one thing clear: If you say no, I can live with it. You know why? Because I hold all the cards. If you agree to meet with me, your little campaign to pretend I never existed finally collapses, and I win. But if you don't, I walk away with this title FOREVER... and I still win. So I leave it entirely in your hands. The question is: do you, Vince McMahon, have the balls to settle your feud... with the WWE Champion?"

Punk doesn't even wait for Vince to reply before he starts going back up the arena stairs. Vince is in an absolute fugue state as he wrestles with Punk's invitation... until finally he shouts "ALRIGHT DAMNIT! HELL IN THE CELL! ONE WAY OR ANOTHER WE'RE GOING TO STEP INTO THIS RING, AND PUT AN END TO THIS FIASCO! ONE WAY OR ANOTHER! I'LL SHOW THE ENTIRE GOD drat WORLD WHO THE BETTER MAN IS BETWEEN VINCE MCMAHON AND... AND C! M! PUUUUUNK!" As if his name was the magic word, Punk pauses at the top of the stairs... and hoists his title belt high without turning back. The pop is nothing short of legendary. The camera zooms on Punk's back, the words Best In The World on his shirt, his title. The camera zooms on Vince, red faced, frothing... and Triple H very casually trying to inch himself into the frame. But nobody cared about that.

***

The first match of the night was Justin Gabriel vs Curt Hawkins. They put on a basic but pretty exciting match with some crowd pleasing spots that showed off great in-ring chemistry. Gabriel eventually put Hawkins away with the 450 in a great warm-up bout.

***

Miz comes out after the match and runs down Gabriel, telling him he's not in the league of a former World Champion. Gabriel ask if he's so far beneath Miz, why does Miz have to cheat to beat him? "Actually, don't answer that Miz. I don't really care if you cheat against me. Because every time I fight, I get better, and eventually I'm going to be so good that even your underhanded garbage tactics won't make a difference. Then I'll be World Champion and you'll be exactly where you are now: sitting in the gutter, talking about how you used to be great." Miz snapped at this and rushed the ring, but thinks better of it as Gabriel hunkers down, practically begging him to step up. He talks trash as he retreats, telling Gabriel to wait until the Pay Per View.

***

Ace Reporter Gregory Helms asks people backstage if they have any leads on Kassius Ohno. Unfortunately, he runs into Derrick Bateman and the Bellas! Bateman gets right in Helms face... and suggests he do an exclusive interview with him. This seems to stun the Bellas, who ask Bateman if he recognizes who he's talking to. Bateman says of course: its Ace Reporter Gregory Helms. The twins slap their foreheads in tandem, as it seems their boy toy cannot see through Helms paper-thin disguise.

Getting a little cocky, Helms says Bateman can start by telling him how it felt to have his rear end WHOOPED by returning WWE legend The Hurricane last week. Bateman storms off at this question, and the Bellas tell Helms that he'd better have more protecting him than a pair of fake glasses next time. Once they leave, Helms berrates himself, and resolves to remain a Mild Mannered Reporter from now on. "The Hurricane won't be coming back again."

***

After commercial, Michael Cole shows us footage of an attack backstage which took place during the break: Zach Ryder, while speaking with WWE Officials about a scheduled match, is ambushed by Seth Rollins! Seth goes right for Zach's weak knee before slamming him head-first into a wall! Ryder fights back until a crowd of security and other wrestlers break them up. King reminds us that Seth has been hoping to curry favor with Mr. McMahon, and going after the defiant Ryder may be his next step.

***

Backstage, we find Richie Steamboat, who is looking sullen. His father Ricky tells him that he can't give up just because he's down 3-1, because a Best of Seven isn't over until its over. Richie confesses that his confidence is in the tank because in their last match Rene Dupree beat him strait up: no cheating, no low blows, he was just the better man.

"Richie, did you know that between the NWA, WCW and WWE I've held 13 singles Championships? You know how I became a 13 time Champion? By losing my Championship 12 times. You're not going to be the better man every night, son. I must have fought Ric Flair 200 times, and frankly he won a lot more of those matches than I did. But I never quit. I never went into that ring believing he would beat me, no matter how many times he'd done it before. Your career is just starting, and in this sport there are never any garuntees of victory. But what makes a champion... what makes a DRAGON... is having the heart to keep fighting! Now get out there, and show Rene Dupree that YOU ARE A DRAGON!"

***

Richie Steamboat v Rene Dupree! Richie was fired up after his father's words, and pushed the pace right from the bell. Rene was on his back foot until he managed to sneak a low blow behind the ref's back, and rolled Ricky up! 1! 2! KICK OUT! Dupree seemed furious and pounded on Richie for portracted heat after his dirty trick failed. For true insult, Dupree then slapped on the Figure Four, looking to win the series with his father's greatest's rival's finisher! Ricky clapped and cheered for his son, trying to will him to the ropes... and Richie made the break! Off the rope break, Richie surged with a last gasp of offense, blowing Dupree away with strikes and clothesline, until finally going up top and hitting the Dragon Crossbody! 1, 2, 3! Richie stays alive and pushes the series to match 6!

***

Backstage, Otunga and Axel observed as various teams signed the contract for slots in Tag Team Turmoil. John Laurenaitis appears tells them they shouldn't worry. "After all, its entirely possible that you boys MIGHT just be the last team out of the gauntlet. For that matter, those boys in Air Boom MIGHT just be first team out and have to fight the entire division to get to you. After all, anything is possible, and that's an Ace Fact."

The Tag Champs get smug looks on their faces as Santino Marella enters. Despite not having found the Tag Wrestling Master, he signs up anyway and promises he'll have one in time for the match. Johnny Ace says if that's how Santino feels, then he shouldn't mind having a little singles competition tonight to get warmed back up after his vacation. He orders Santino to the ring for an immediate match against a surprise opponent.

***

After commercial, Santino came out to the ring to a big pop after his excursion to Europe, and happily waving all through his power-walk. However his joy turned to resignation when his mystery opponent was revealed: Trumpets and a stretch limousine herald the arrival of Alberto Del Rio, the Universal Champion, for a non-title bout!

Alberto Del Rio (w/ Ricardo Rodriguez) vs Santino Marella! Del Rio seemed more amused than anything at the start, cockily countering all Santino's early offense before taking control of the match, goading the crowd through his wear-down spots. Suddenly, Santino countered into a small package! 1..2..KICKOUT AT 2.9! Santino and Del Rio both emerge from the cradle with a look of shock on their faces, as if neither can believe he came that close to upsetting the champ. Enraged, Del Rio laid into Santino, nearly getting disqualified as the ref forcibly seperated them.

Del Rio did not take this interference kindly, and got right in the ref's face, browbeating the offical for a long stretch of time before finally turning back to Santino...AND TAKING A COBRA RIGHT TO THE THROAT! Cover! ONE! TWO! THR--NO, DEL RIO GOT A FOOT ON THE ROPES! Santino looked to the skies for help as Ricardo pulled Del Rio out of the ring to help him collect himself. Santino pursued and tried to bull rush Del Rio, but the champ dodged and Santino hit the ring post. He then grabbed Santino off the floor and threw him back in the ring, crawling in to immediately apply the Cross Arm Breaker to the damaged shoulder. Santino did his best to gather the energy from the crowd, but in the end had no choice but to tap. Not satisfied with just the win, Del Rio held the hold after the bell but eventually released him so he could shove the wounded man out of the ring and pose with the Universal title."

***

Rollins and Miz meet up backstage, and Miz berates Rollins, asking where he was when he confronted Gabriel at the top of the show? Rollins apologizes to Miz, and says he didn't think Miz wanted him there for that. After all, it was such a wise decision to make Gabriel THINK a fight was coming only to leave the guy stewing rather than doing an expected ambush. Miz says that flattery will only get Rollins so far when he's trying to bullshit his boss, and tells him to be there next time, to which Rollins agrees.

They move toward the locker room, and Rollins starts to talk, louder than strictly necessary, about the announcement of the Hell in a Cell match earlier. He says it will be gratifying to see Mr. McMahon's champion take on a legend like Triple H in the Cell. Miz notes that no matter who wins they'll be hurting afterward, which is good news for him. Rollins "suggests" that he would love the opportunity to have a match inside the Cell himself, especially if it meant he could get his hands on that punk Zach Ryder. Miz asks why he's talking so loudly as they step into the locker room... and the camera swings around the corner to see that Mr. McMahon was speaking with some of the booking staff, and overheard every word Rollins said. He tells his lackeys to buzz off and gets a scheming look on his face."

***

Otunga, McGillicuty, McIntyre and Swagger vs Air Boom and The Usos! The semi-main event is high-octane high-spot action, as the four strongest teams of the tag division show off their skills and look for momentum going toward Tag Team Turmoil. Tags come quickly and furiously, as do signature spots, but Drew and Jack seem to have ulterior motives, as they work to infuriate Air Boom with taunts and general heelishness. Kofi and Evan rise to their challenge and go two-on-two in the middle of the ring.

The situation grows chaotic as the ref tries to get the two teams to back off and return to their corners, but Air Boom ignores the official and dump the two heels out of the ring, and follow it up with tandem sentons! Not to be left out, the Usos hit the ropes and jump out with Tandem Topes, adding to the pile of bodies! The Tag Champs observe the car wreck at ringside... and immediately roll out, pick up the legal man (Jimmy Uso), and hit him with the Backbreaker/Elbow Drop combo! Otunga covers for an easy 3 to the chagrin of the audience, giving the Tag Champs a critical victory.

***

After the last commercial, its The Main Event! Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vikki) vs Rey Mysterio (w/ Goldust)! These two put on another absolute clinic, showcasing their chemistry. Rey counter's Ziggler's initial attempt at a ground game with a rare display of Lucha-style grappling, heavy on flip reversals. Frustrated, Ziggler picks up his pace and comes out ahead on several exchanges, particularly sticking a power slam counter to a springboard crossbody. However, despite taking several hard impacts Rey refuses to stay down!

The action gets more heated as Vikki starts screeching instructions to Dolph, while Goldust claps loudly to get the crowd behind Rey. Rey dodges a Superkick with a Matrix-style backbend, then drops the offbalance US Champion onto the ropes! He dials up the 619... but Dolph catches the kick and flings Rey across the ring like a sack of potatos! Rey collides with the ref and they both go down! Dolph takes a moment before he realizes the official is out of it... and then calls for Vikki to bring him the US title belt! Vikki runs to fetch the gold... and is intercepted by Goldust, who sneers at her so grusomely that she immediately flees! Goldust retrieves the title belt himself and hits the ring, bearing down on Ziggler who begs off in a truly craven display. Rey finally recovers, and stumbles over to his friend, grabbing Goldusts arm to stop him from interfering, show true class and sportsmanship... AND GOLDUST SLAMS THE US TITLE INTO HIS SKULL!

Rey goes out like someone hit a switch, and Goldust drops Dolph's title and rolls out of the ring without comment to echoing boos. Dolph is stunned for only a moment before getting rid of the evidence and covering Mysterio! The half-conscious ref sees the cover and counts 1.... 2.... 3! Dolph Ziggler has pinned Rey Mysterio thanks to a truly heartless backstab from Goldust.

***

Ziggler retreats in victory, and once he does Goldust gets back in the ring. Rey is still defenseless, and Goldust doesn't even hestitate to shove the referee out of his way before laying a beating on the poor luchador. First after fist meets Rey's skull before The Bizarre One finally hits the Final Cut. However, even then Goldust seems unsatisfied as he drags Rey to the corner... and props his legs up on the bottom ropes. The illegal low blow kick Shattered Dreams finds it mark, and Rey clutches his groin in agony before going completely limp, passing out from the pain. Goldust smirks a little toward the hard camera, and takes a deep, theatrical bow as Raw goes off the air.

***

Overall rating: B