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  • Locked thread
got any sevens
Feb 9, 2013

by Cyrano4747
Mummy impossible

Valerian

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Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

"Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"
Star Wars in December is going to be the bee's knees.

Jonas Albrecht
Jun 7, 2012


Gonz posted:

Star Wars in December is going to be the bee's knees.

I mean, hopefully, but right now it's sitting at a pass on my schedule.

Mierenneuker
Apr 28, 2010


We're all going to experience changes in our life but only the best of us will qualify for front row seats.

Deepwater Horizon was a bit, well, cheesy at times but the whole build up to the disaster and then hell breaking lose was fantastic. I'm glad I saw it in the bioscoop theater, because there is no way my lovely home setup could come close to that audio experience.

FlamingLiberal posted:

I only watched the original which was dumb as all hell, never saw the sequel.

Although it cracked me up to find that they shot this pretty vindictive extra which made it onto the XXX 2 DVD where they use a body double to kill off Xander Cage in a very gruesome way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O48rLcHu2Yc

It could have been worse, they could have used a shot of the stunt actor dying during the first XXX! (he both lived and died for this poo poo)

Fun fun fact: he died on the second take of a stunt. They ended up using the first one.

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

Put it all together.
Solve the world.
One conversation at a time.



I wrote some things in the last thread about the films that got released outside USA before 2017 which I watched:

Tars Tarkas posted:


Underworld: Blood Wars - This got delayed and then released everywhere except the US, so that's a good sign. If you are a bug looking for a rotting corpse!

I've never watched the movies so all i know is "vampires vs werewolves, kate beckinsale in a skintight suit". The story is apparently really convoluted, with her having a werewolf-vampire hybrid daughter that she had to give away in one of the movies and then having a weird romantic interest in Charles Dance's character's dumbass son. in the new movie, he turns out to be a super powered vampire queen's kid, which means he inherits the vampire cartel or something? They visit the Arctic where a Frozen-inspired viking vampire clan lives, Beckinsale get more ridiculous superpowers and superstrengths, and they end the show with a very dumb firefight. it's v bad!

Tars Tarkas posted:


The Great Wall (US release) - China doesn't care about the Asian-American representation controversy, but most Chinese cinema recently is boring as crap and this doesn't sound like it broke that mold.

Well, they deliberately cast Matt Damon, the chilean guy from GoT and William Defoe because white people in movies put butts on chinese cinema seats. No worries about whitewashing because the show is White People are loving Dumb Assholes and Need the Chinese Paragons To Tell Them How Trust and Honour are Great Eastern Virtues. they need Damon to save the day in the end but really the Chinese were holding their own so well he was superficial at best.

Also, it's written by Max Brooks, who wrote the WWZ book and movie. Which may explains why all the monsters act like zombies!

I (had to) watch The Great Wall and I'm quite surprised it isn't an extended multi million advertisement for a mobile moba game. The Chinese army at the wall were dressed in ridiculous shades of colours from a crazy cerulean blue on all the women spear warriors to candy apple red for archers.

The generals and Matt Damon s characters are super powered heroes with specific weapon types (although "non-phoning in acting" is not one of the powers). the monsters they are fighting axt like xenomorphs, have a brood queen that requires minion monsters to feed and have a tactical squad around her with neck fins that deflect bombs.

The show isn't good, it is a spectacle whenever there are fights (and a very badly paced funeral scene) but every single time they need to do character development its a bore.

weird things I remembered

- every single Chinese armour looks like a max level costume you have to pay USD 129.99 for in a video game. They are also immaculately clean

- the blue armoured women's war strategy involves bungee jumping off the walls and spearing the monsters

- the moral of the movie is "corporate greed is bad". A plot point is Damon wants to steal their gunpowder for profit. The monsters is an allegory for corporate greed, which is bad, because they only live to eat. They attack the Chinese capital where the emperor stays in a lavish palace where everything is gold. Nobody thinks this moral is very ironic.

- the emperor is apparently played by a 15 year old k pop band idol

- a big scene involves the army flying in makeshift hot air balloons to the Chinese capital. Fortunately for us you get to see many balloons fall off the sky in flames

- a climatic sequence has them strapping a monster by the butt with bombs

- the movie was critically panned on Chinese websites which upset the government and they had to remove the reviews.

quote:

As the film's largest investor, the Wanda Group (owner of Legendary Pictures) has good relationships with the Chinese government and the Communist Party of China. In December 2016, users of film review website Douban rated The Great Wall 5.4 out of 10, which is considered very low. On Maoyan, another movie review aggregator, the 'professional score' is only 4.9 out of 10.[29][30] On December 28, the Communist Party's official media outlet People's Daily published an article on its website severely criticizing Douban and Maoyan for doing harm to the Chinese movie industry with their bad reviews.[31] On the same day, Maoyan took down its 'professional score' for The Great Wall.[29]

Mierenneuker
Apr 28, 2010


We're all going to experience changes in our life but only the best of us will qualify for front row seats.

Oh yeah, I said something about Underworld: Blood Wars in my terrible end of year summary.

quote:

Underworld: Blood Wars - A terrible movie that is saved by a scene near the end that made me laugh so hard. It features the male protagonist and the antagonist charging at each other while firing guns and screaming out loud. Only to find out that they are both bulletproof because of the uber blood they have been snacking on. Queue drab melee fight, because it couldn't get better after that.

Also, the viking vampires (all of them Aryan as gently caress) fight with (cross)bows and swords. The werewolves attacking them all use guns. Are they dishonorable or are those vampires just dumb as hell? Spoiler: it is both.

Mierenneuker fucked around with this message at 15:34 on Jan 2, 2017

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

Put it all together.
Solve the world.
One conversation at a time.



Mierenneuker posted:

Oh yeah, I said something about Underworld: Blood Wars in my terrible end of year summary.


Also, the viking vampires (all of them Aryan as gently caress) fight with (cross)bows and swords. The werewolves attacking them all use guns. Are they dishonorable or are those vampires just dumb as hell? Spoiler: it is both.

don't forget the aryan vampires turn up as a deus ex machina to save the day at the american vampire fortress, mere days after most of their clan get massacred by the machine gun-toting werewolves

Alhazred
Feb 16, 2011




The Saddest Rhino posted:



I've never watched the movies so all i know is "vampires vs werewolves, kate beckinsale in a skintight suit".


The first movie was actually based on the writer's (Kevin Grievous) experiences with interracial dating. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans also have one of the goofiest sex scenes ever filmed:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAq1hL2in4k (not very nws, but its still probably not a good idea to watch it work)

bartok
May 10, 2006



uvar posted:

Skimming over a grim Wikipedia list of late sequels, um... Pee-Wee's Big Holiday apparently was okay? But you could blame that delay on the arrest and shunning.

Pee Wee's Big Holiday was really fun. It's no Big Adventure but it's certainly better than Big Top Pee Wee. I'd also recommend the HBO special of Pee Wee's Broadway show from several years ago.
Fred Willard got busted for the same thing like 5 years ago and we as a society said gently caress it he can continue being a wacky grandpa in our sitcoms and movies. I'm more shocked that there are still porno theaters in which to get busted in.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

The whole point of stuff like Carry On was that it was almost entirely innuendo because you couldn't really say any of that stuff directly in movies. What's the point now that you can say whatever you want?

Schwarzwald
Jul 27, 2004

Don't Blink
The innuendo is the point.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Exactly. In a post-American Pie world where all sex comedies have tits galore and everybody openly swears like a sailor being coy and beating around the bush with innuendo is pointless.

Schwarzwald
Jul 27, 2004

Don't Blink

FreudianSlippers posted:

Exactly. In a post-American Pie world where all sex comedies have tits galore and everybody openly swears like a sailor being coy and beating around the bush with innuendo is pointless.

Not necessarily. Being coy and beating around the bush can have an attractiveness different from being open and upfront.

Innuendo is not pointless--the innuendo is the point.

Vince MechMahon
Jan 1, 2008



Innuendo, more like in-your-end-o.

Red Bones
Aug 9, 2012

"I think he's a bad enough person to stay ghost through his sheer love of child-killing."

Carry On had some good non-innuendo puns too!

Julius Caesar posted:

Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it infamy!

But yeah they weren't amazing or anything, and there's certainly better comedy from both then and now in the UK.

Chairman Capone
Dec 17, 2008

Casimir Radon posted:

I was really surprised that The Space Between Us isn't an adaptation from the The Fault in Our Stars and Paper Towns guy because it's got a similar title and some manipulative emotional stuff going on. He seems like he's well on his way to being the Nicolas Sparks of YA lit. At the very least there's some good actors in it.

Red Bones posted:

I haven't read any of John Green's books (and they seem pretty hokey) but he's made about 200 episodes of a pop history programme on youtube that I liked. I wish him all the best on his journey to Nicolas Sparks level wealth.

Looking over Wiki, apparently all of John Green's book adaptations were written by the same two guys, who also did 500 Days of Summer... and the upcoming adaptation of the book about Tommy Wiseau and the filming of The Room.

twerking on the railroad
Jun 23, 2007

Get on my level

Tars Tarkas posted:

Ghost in the Shell - More Asian problems with none of the exploitative nudity.

Well there kind of is. Just because Johannsen's character doesn't have nipples or a vulva doesn't make it any less inane to have a shootout where you have to be naked to be invisible.

I'm also not sure how it's going to pretend to do anything but slavishly copy the original anime now that Westworld's come out.

SomeJazzyRat
Nov 2, 2012

Hmmm...

bartok posted:

Pee Wee's Big Holiday was really fun. It's no Big Adventure but it's certainly better than Big Top Pee Wee. I'd also recommend the HBO special of Pee Wee's Broadway show from several years ago.
Fred Willard got busted for the same thing like 5 years ago and we as a society said gently caress it he can continue being a wacky grandpa in our sitcoms and movies. I'm more shocked that there are still porno theaters in which to get busted in.

I think the key difference was, Willard is an adult comedy mainstay for a niche audience, whereas Rubens was a children's entertainment icon for a generation. The former doesn't impact that man people, and those who do understand that Porno Theater busts are bullshit. Whereas the latter, it was a trifecta of 'shattering the illusion' of Pee-Wee's wholesomeness, the fact that people get really weird when anything relates to sex is adjacent to anything relating to children, and the fact that it looks bad to have a convicted criminal working in Children's Television. Though considering the severity and effects of the actual criminal action, and the result from getting caught, it is still pretty much bullshit.

greatn
Nov 15, 2006

by Lowtax
Didn't he also have a private art collection of nude child paintings or something? Something that sounds really bad but was probably normal for an art collector to have?

Random Stranger
Nov 27, 2009



FreudianSlippers posted:

Exactly. In a post-American Pie world where all sex comedies have tits galore and everybody openly swears like a sailor being coy and beating around the bush with innuendo is pointless.

"Beating around the bush", you say? Nudge nudge, wink wink.

Guy Mann
Mar 28, 2016

by Lowtax
Rubens stopped playing Pee Wee before the bust happened though, he was just tired of playing the character exclusively for so long and had already shot two seasons worth of footage for the show so it still kept airing after he stopped.

greatn posted:

Didn't he also have a private art collection of nude child paintings or something? Something that sounds really bad but was probably normal for an art collector to have?

He would bulk-buy collections of antique erotica like old physique magazines and such, the allegations were that since it was all so old there was no way to tell if every single person in them of age but it wound up being thrown out since it was such a nebulous charge.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cM_GSByevxk

Maxwell Lord
Dec 12, 2008

I am drowning.
There is no sign of land.
You are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand.

And I hope you die.

I hope we both die.


:smith:

Grimey Drawer

Random Stranger posted:


I just wish they'd spend a bit of it on giving her a new theme instead of that god awful one they used for her in Superman vs. Batman.

I didn't even like BvS but that theme was good.

sbaldrick
Jul 19, 2006
Driven by Hate

Is going to bomb hard but be loving amazing

Snowglobe of Doom
Mar 30, 2012

sucks to be right

FreudianSlippers posted:

The whole point of stuff like Carry On was that it was almost entirely innuendo because you couldn't really say any of that stuff directly in movies. What's the point now that you can say whatever you want?

There's good reasons the franchise ground to a halt in 1978, only one of which was that the cast was starting to die off. The last time they tried to resurrect the series was the 1992 entry Carry On Columbus and that not only bombed but it left a stain:

quote:

In a 2004 poll of British film actors, technicians, writers and directors on British cinema, Carry On Columbus was voted the worst British film ever.

I kind of want to track it down because they managed to get Alexei Sayle, Rik Mayall, Julian Clary and Nigel Planer to play small roles.


Edit: most of the original cast died decades ago but Barbara Windsor is not only still alive but she's still working. She was in EastEnders for decades and she did the voicework for the Dormouse character in the two recent Alice in Wonderland movies.

21 Muns
Dec 10, 2016

by FactsAreUseless
I personally really enjoyed it, but would it be fair to label Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them a flop? It's made considerably less money than anything else in the Harry Potter franchise, and it had four sequels greenlit before it was even released, so expectations were clearly high.

WeedlordGoku69
Feb 12, 2015

by Cyrano4747

Jonas Albrecht posted:

I hate that I can't get excited for Bubblegum CrisisBlade Runner 2049. I loved Arrival, think highly of Ryan Gosling, and Harrison Ford is my favorite actor. I just don't think it's going to do anything other than cement Deckard as a replicant, a theory I loathe.

If anything, it'll be the opposite. The simple fact that it's set in 2049 means that if Deckard were a replicant, he'd be long dead, and he doesn't look particularly dead in the teaser.

The MSJ
May 17, 2010

It made over 700 million while being a movie with mostly new characters and setting. It did pretty well all things considered.

If anything, Fantastic Beasts along with Deadpool, Suicide Squad, Rogue One and Doctor Strange shows that people welcome new additions to successful franchises.

Snowglobe of Doom
Mar 30, 2012

sucks to be right

The MSJ posted:

It made over 700 million while being a movie with mostly new characters and setting. It did pretty well all things considered.

If anything, Fantastic Beasts along with Deadpool, Suicide Squad, Rogue One and Doctor Strange shows that people welcome new additions to successful franchises.

Fantastic Beasts also went up against Dr Strange and Trolls and then lost ground to Moana and Rogue One, it did pretty well for what it had to work with. But it still fell way short of all the other Harry Potter films and it had a pretty hefty production budget of $180 million so I'm guessing they were expecting it to do somewhat better. It certainly didn't set the world on fire.

Improbable Lobster
Jan 6, 2012

What is the Matrix 🌐? We just don't know 😎.


Buglord
Didn't help that it was a mediocre movie with a boring villain

Air Skwirl
May 13, 2007

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.
I think most of the recent blockbuster "failures" post are only failures because the studios expected to do better than the most successful movies ever made, not on par with, better.

If you're an accountant from outer space and looked at BvS with zero cultural context you'd say, "do this more."

Rough Lobster
May 27, 2009

Don't be such a squid, bro

FlamingLiberal posted:

I only watched the original which was dumb as all hell, never saw the sequel.

Although it cracked me up to find that they shot this pretty vindictive extra which made it onto the XXX 2 DVD where they use a body double to kill off Xander Cage in a very gruesome way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O48rLcHu2Yc

Hahaha goddamn, did VIN Diesel burn a bridge or something to deserve this kind of scornful treatment of his character? Keep in mind I saw the original xXx when it came out, and all I know about xXx2 is that it stars Ice Cub.

Snowglobe of Doom
Mar 30, 2012

sucks to be right

Rough Lobster posted:

Hahaha goddamn, did VIN Diesel burn a bridge or something to deserve this kind of scornful treatment of his character? Keep in mind I saw the original xXx when it came out, and all I know about xXx2 is that it stars Ice Cub.

Vin dropped out of the project so he could go star in The Pacifier instead so it's understandable if they were a little salty.


Edit: The Pacifier got terrible reviews but it actually made a bunch of money and completely outsold XXX2. It was announced in 2015 (10 years after it came out!) that a sequel is in the works.

Snowglobe of Doom fucked around with this message at 04:47 on Jan 3, 2017

Random Stranger
Nov 27, 2009



21 Muns posted:

I personally really enjoyed it, but would it be fair to label Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them a flop? It's made considerably less money than anything else in the Harry Potter franchise, and it had four sequels greenlit before it was even released, so expectations were clearly high.

I don't think it's losing money, but it's definitely softer than WB would like.

Skwirl posted:

I think most of the recent blockbuster "failures" post are only failures because the studios expected to do better than the most successful movies ever made, not on par with, better.

If you're an accountant from outer space and looked at BvS with zero cultural context you'd say, "do this more."

I guess that accountant from outer space would know nothing about film distribution and theater operations so they might mistake the gross as a positive thing.

It's always worth mentioning that the box office gross is nowhere near what the studio gets and the production budget is way under what the studio actually spent. And when your production budget is $250 million then you pretty much need a billion dollar gross to be solidly profitable.

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

Fantastic Beasts also went up against Dr Strange and Trolls and then lost ground to Moana and Rogue One, it did pretty well for what it had to work with. But it still fell way short of all the other Harry Potter films and it had a pretty hefty production budget of $180 million so I'm guessing they were expecting it to do somewhat better. It certainly didn't set the world on fire.

The problem for WB is that a lot of people left those theaters saying, "I don't know if I want to see a sequel." We might have another Divergent situation where they're committed to keep making these films that are going to wind up sinking lower and lower with each movie.

Random Stranger fucked around with this message at 04:48 on Jan 3, 2017

Snowglobe of Doom
Mar 30, 2012

sucks to be right
Also the merchandising prospects on Fantastic Beasts was nowhere near as lucrative as the Harry Potter films.

Casimir Radon
Aug 2, 2008


Snowglobe of Doom posted:

Vin dropped out of the project so he could go star in The Pacifier instead so it's understandable if they were a little salty.


Edit: The Pacifier got terrible reviews but it actually made a bunch of money and completely outsold XXX2. It was announced in 2015 (10 years after it came out!) that a sequel is in the works.
A real sequel or one by WWE studios? They've got a few bald wrestlers right?

Snowglobe of Doom
Mar 30, 2012

sucks to be right

Casimir Radon posted:

A real sequel or one by WWE studios? They've got a few bald wrestlers right?

Vin Diesel announced it so it looks like it'll be a real sequel, although I wouldn't all that be surprised if poo poo happened and WWE stepped in.

Edit: apparently The Rock and Bruce Willis were originally considered for Diesel's role. The movie was actually written as a vehicle for Jackie Chan and a bunch of the gags written for Jackie were kept in.

quote:

The idea of the family having a pet duck was introduced by Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant when their script had Jackie Chan attached. The running joke was that Chan's plan to kill the duck and cook it for dinner horrified the kids, and therefore Chan ended up reluctantly keeping and taking care of the pet. Even when Chan exited the project and other writers worked on the script, the duck stayed all the way through to the finished film.

Also they reshot a whole bunch of musical numbers from The Sound Of Music for this film but didn't use most of it

quote:

The play at the end of the movie was shot in a local (Toronto) professional theater called Theatre Passe Murielle. Over four days, many scenes from The Sound of Music (1965) were shot, including "Do, Re, Mi", "My Favorite Things" and "The Lonely Goatherder". These scenes were fully staged, choreographed and costumed. Some of the costumes came from the original "Sound of Music" film. In the end, almost all of it ended up on the cutting room floor.

THAT'S SHOWBIZ!

The MSJ
May 17, 2010

Random Stranger posted:

I guess that accountant from outer space would know nothing about film distribution and theater operations so they might mistake the gross as a positive thing.

It's always worth mentioning that the box office gross is nowhere near what the studio gets and the production budget is way under what the studio actually spent. And when your production budget is $250 million then you pretty much need a billion dollar gross to be solidly profitable.

Last year, people in CD were making fun of people who thought that BvS did bad financially also saying that "people who say this obviously have no idea how Hollywood finances work". Maybe it's different now that's it Hollyweed?

Improbable Lobster
Jan 6, 2012

What is the Matrix 🌐? We just don't know 😎.


Buglord

The MSJ posted:

Last year, people in CD were making fun of people who thought that BvS did bad financially also saying that "people who say this obviously have no idea how Hollywood finances work". Maybe it's different now that's it Hollyweed?

Hollyweed has the hardest working, most stoned accountants in the world

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Casimir Radon
Aug 2, 2008


Snowglobe of Doom posted:

Vin Diesel announced it so it looks like it'll be a real sequel, although I wouldn't all that be surprised if poo poo happened and WWE stepped in.

The ascent of WWE studios is just bizarre. Scooby Doo was one thing as their movie once a year model was going to resort to that eventually, but resurrecting Surfs Up! 10 years later is just weird. I'm sure the licensing deal was generous enough but it seems like they'd be better off writing something original at that point than messing with a property whose name recognition is long dead.

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