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Solitair posted:thank 4 crit Extraordinary prizes can be won in Room CII (B-I-N-G-O).
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Aug 5, 2017 02:33
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Sign-ups for Week CCLXI are CLOSED! We look forward to seeing you at the party. Bring your own brilliance.
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Aug 5, 2017 05:10
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blue squares posted:I'm in and a bit late! Indeed you are! The penalty for tardiness: Your maximum word count is reduced to 1,000.
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Aug 6, 2017 05:01
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 Submissions are now CLOSED, an hour late because I cherished a naive hope that maybe more than one of the potential failures would find it in his heart to keep to his word and write a story. Lord, what a fool this mortal be!Thirteen of twenty-six people saw their self-imposed commitments through. Thirteen couldn't be bothered. super sweet best pal, Wizgot, Fleta Mcgurn, Fuubi, MysticalHaberdasher, big scary monsters, crabrock, RandomPauI, flerp, sparksbloom, GenJoe, Chairchucker, and Noah, you have my thanks: you've given the gift of disappointment, and surely nothing could be more true to the spirit of Thunderdome than that. Results will be out in due course. Fleta Mcgurn, post the next prompt whenever you're ready. Kaishai fucked around with this message at 06:28 on Aug 7, 2017 |
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Aug 7, 2017 06:04
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Results for Week CCLXI: You Are Cordially Invited to the Dome of a Thousand Doors First, an enthusiastic and kayfabe-free flipping of the bird at the failures who took so much joy out of Thunderdome's birthday. Second, a regretful report that the writers who did attend the party didn't, for the most part, distinguish themselves--and the low mean quality of the week spared more than one person from a DM. Domerci Manor suffered an abundance of thieves and a poverty of plots that went beyond Boy, this place sure is weird! I did enjoy seeing Lord Domerci pop up again and again in his various guises. If you tortured me by forcing me to hold an empty wine glass for three hours, I would perhaps admit I liked a little something about almost every story. They existed, for one thing! THE WINNER was the hardest decision, but our deliberations eventually settled on Hawklad and his story of vengeance served cold. The cumbersome exposition in the early going could have done you in, sir, but you told a complete and satisfying tale that followed a clear path from beginning to end. The mermen were merely a bonus. HONORABLE MENTIONS: Dr. Kloctopussy contended fiercely for the win with a piece rich in dreamy imagery, though the judges weren't equally impressed by its throughline. Sitting Here earns a nod with a well-crafted reflection on truth and lies that stood just outside the struggle for the crown. We didn't have much trouble choosing THE LOSER. RandomPauI, I'm grateful to you for submitting a story late rather than failing. A loss brings some honor; a failure, none. Your entry was still a morass of meaningless lists and details that apparently forgot a major component of the prompt, i.e. the birthday party. It also forgot to have a resolution. Tsk. With luck, the crits you receive will reward your effort. DISHONORABLE MENTIONS are awarded to dmboogie for incessant and tedious banter framed by fragments of a story and to Solitair for a self-satisfied lecture about fiction delivered to an audience of writers. Someday Thunderdome entrants will stop climbing up on soapboxes. Someday the sun and crabrock will consummate their torrid love affair, too. Here's to five more years and to our party guests, one and all.
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Aug 8, 2017 06:17
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Thunderdome Recaps!  In our survey of the dog-eat-Doug world of Week 256: Myths of the Near Stone Age, Sitting Here, Bad Seafood, and I ask each other: how many judges should there be? How much ranting is too much? What value an ant-agonist? The episode winds down with a performance of sebmojo's "Bird Dreams." The colony of raspberry crazy ants was chaos. Then, alakazam! We cast Time Shift and warp back to the pure magic of Week 142: BUT MOM, A WIZARD DID IT. Only a few stories from Thunderdome's most populous round come under scrutiny; the recap crew--including again, to our delight if not his, Ironic Twist--needs time left over to consider the magic and mayhem of Week 257: No failures week. (Spoilers: that name wasn't prophetic.) Once our reading of Sokoban's "The Apprentice" is complete, it's time to say a reluctant good-bye to Seafood, drawn from our company by the siren call of anime. The wizard smiled and Roger Toinby’s skin began to peel. The wizard smiled and Roger Toinby’s hands swelled up. The wizard smiled and a giant goitre appeared on Roger Toinby’s neck. Episodes past can be found here!
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Aug 11, 2017 05:14
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Thunderdome Recaps!  Hello, Thunderdome. Why don't you take a seat over there. We need to have a talk about sexual content in TD entries, a topic that consumes half the time Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and I devote to Week 258: DOUBLE TROUBLE with BAD CAT 1 and BAD CAT 2. How can you avoid an appearance of personal interest in whatever weird, effed-up prose porking you oblige the judges to endure? I don't know, but your friendly recappers can offer some tips on what not to do. Our coverage of Week 259: One, Two, Three is downright bland in comparison, involving four dramatic readings and nothing fetishy at all unless you really like time shenanigans. For the first time in his life he realised he didn't care about his country anymore and all he'd learned throughout the years was an intense hatred for the people he initially thought he cared for. Jitzu_the_Monk joins us when we turn to Week 260: Empty Spaces! He provides the judge perspective on German proverbs, naked suicides, mall nostalgia, and bad air, those critical topics of our time. For bending some truly sadistic flash rules to his will in "Between the stirrup and the ground," sebmojo then receives time in the dramatic spotlight. I'll never know and a part of me never wants to. Episodes past can be found here! Kaishai fucked around with this message at 02:31 on Aug 29, 2017 |
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Aug 29, 2017 02:28
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Exmond posted:Lurker here, is there a link to the podcast? Why, yes!
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Sep 1, 2017 00:40
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Critiques for Week CCXLIII: If You Knew TD, You'd Be Surprised Salut, Eurovision fans! Buna! Sveiki! Χαίρετε! ԲարևՁեզ! Здравствуйте! Never mind that the last one was banned this year. It's taken me a long time to overcome my astonishment at such a good Thunderdome round, but I've finally regained enough capacity for rational thought to deliver the crits. In the spirit of Eurovision, I did something in judging that I usually don't and ranked the entries in order. Chili Sailor Viy Ironic Twist The Saddest Rhino --- SurreptitiousMuffin Thranguy Mrenda (DQ) Chairchucker Okua Djeser BeefSupreme Uranium Phoenix The Cut of Your Jib --- Ceighk What those dashes show is that only one story occupied the low tier, and that the high tier was rather more crowded. They don't tell you that I mostly enjoyed every story from BeefSupreme's up, appreciated something about each of the remaining three, and didn't abhor anything at all. God bless, TD. I didn't want to eradicate humanity even once. The advent of flerp's merman redemption only made it feel more like Christmas. Djeser, for Poland 2014: "Z jeziora" Lyrics: Donatan & Cleo - "My Słowianie - We Are Slavic" Kai's Video Notes: Cleo's rapping isn't as fun when I don't understand what she's saying, but giving the all-English version would have meant giving the milkmaid video in all its glory. I'm actually hoping to not get a story about huge... tracts of land. Will Djeser reward my faith in him? Let's find out! Themes: Traditional clothing, traditional dance, household chores, rural life, flowers, sexual suggestion, feminine beauty, regional cuisine, homeland pride. Petals, check; a hint of things Polish, check; folktale flavor, check; no obsession with cleavage, check, thankfully. You play your cards too close to your chest, though. While I like the melding of magic and science in Magda and in the Things below the lake, I'm bemused by it too, and I'd draw a blank if you asked me what point the scientific aspects serve. The connection between the Fibonacci sequence and aquatic alien beings escapes me. (It does evoke the swirling dancers from the video, at least in my mind--but not in a way that benefits the story being told.) Another unanswered question is how the lake creatures put lake-Magda into the body of village-Magda. It isn't merely mental possession if they now expect her to take on a form like theirs. The science element may work against you here: it makes it hard to accept "it's just magic" as explanation, yet that explanation is the only one I see. Magda appears to choose humanity at the climax--or rather, humanity chooses her (some action on her part would be welcome; I dig that she's saved by the friendships she's made, but it's not great that she's so passive and frozen)--but the Things in the lake probably aren't done with her. This reads like the beginning of a much longer story in which Magda would have to confront her connection to the Things and make a permanent, conscious decision. There's also the issue of the other Magda, maybe killed to allow her to live. What does she make of that? There are a few too many threads still dangling at the close of the day. The American jury gives you: 6 points. **** Sailor Viy, for Armenia 2009: "Deucalion's Brood" Lyrics: Inga & Anush - "Jan Jan" Kai's Video Notes: What beautiful costumes. The blue velvet gowns and the braids fit to make Chili's singer jealous drew my eye to this video first. The song took a little longer to grow on me--maybe ten seconds. Factor in how close to identical the women look and the overall costume design and you have immense story potential, whether the tale be of twins or covens or something wonderfully unexpected. Themes: Fog, intricate dress, twins, sisters, witches, dancing, inseparability. A striking opening paragraph leads into a gorgeous dystopian story of an individual's madness destroying her collective world. One doesn't need to see the Armenian video to understand anything about it, possibly excluding blue velvet costumes in the post-apocalypse. Everything but Sister Maeve's final decision fits together with elegance. Her actions lack logic, but I think this is an intentional tragedy. She's left the sisters stranded on a ruined, manless planet, and without their duty they'll have no reason to continue cloning each other from what is presumably now the only remaining DNA sequence; Rose's successors won't inherit the Earth because they won't exist. It's a terrible resolution within the setting. It fits the broken world you've made, though, and it's painful in a poignant way that the death of hope should come about through love. As an interpretation of "Jan Jan," it's even better. You come close to perfection here with a half-dozen ties to the video both obvious and unobtrusive in the text. Even those blue velvet gowns can be forgiven when they're the garb of priestesses, and the cloning take on the identical dancers delights me no end. I knew when I saw this that the week would have a strong, deserving winner even if everything submitted after it were sewage. It's your misfortune that multiple stories of the round were outstanding. Although Chili's stronger emotional quotient took the trophy, your entry remains one of the few Thunderdome stories I can't fault. The American jury gives you: 12 points. **** Okua, for Austria 2007: "A Ripple In The Water" Lyrics: Eric Papilaya - "Get A Life - Get Alive" Kai's Video Notes: The glittering hoodie inspires thoughts of chain mail, but I doubt that's the intention. The back-up dancers inspire thoughts of Jim Henson creations crossed with gimps, and for all I know that's exactly the intention. I couldn't resist the astronomical weirdness quotient here, so it's a good thing the AIDS-ribbon throne and the lyrical encouragement to improve one's life both offer solid story cores even if Okua doesn't want to write about the sparkling monarch of a pink-plumed kingdom. Themes: Glitz, flamboyance, feathers, monsters, AIDS, defiance of fear and death, joy in living. After some reflection, I think I understand why Nanna turns into a flamingo, a cat, a parrot, and a scorpion. It's as her mother says: it's easier to be those things than a human, and all her transformations are escape from her mother's diagnosis and what it means. That allows me to appreciate the surrealism a little more. I could still do without the entire last paragraph, which spoils the touching mood and introduces the unnecessary complication of another child with the same transformative ability--used casually, no less, so the magic appears a lot less meaningful. Maybe the idea is that every family has problems, but I'm not sure why you're throwing in that message at the eleventh hour. If you're going to use parentheses on the regular, you have to punctuate them properly! Let's say you throw a parenthetical aside in at the end of one of your sentences (this is an example). In that case, the period belongs outside the closing parenthesis. It's part of the larger sentence. But if your whole sentence is within parentheses, then the punctuation belongs inside, too. Otherwise some persnickety judge might wonder what you think you're doing. (That judge would be me.) I like your treatment of the AIDS theme, subtle but clear, poignant without melodrama. The final paragraph aside, the ending works--although I'm not sure "infected me as well" is a good choice of phrase since you've just revealed that Nanna's mother didn't infect her. Otherwise I appreciate that you've pulled off heartwarming without edging into cheese. Your take on the subprompt isn't as good. You almost go right against it, if anything, since the blood tie between Nanna and her mother is anything but irrelevant. The American jury gives you: 6 points. **** Chairchucker, for Switzerland 2007: "The Undeath of the Party" Lyrics: DJ BoBo - "Vampires Are Alive Kai's Video Notes: First off, if you haven't watched the official music video for this song, do. DJ BoBo couldn't work snarling gargoyle-men or making bedroom eyes at a horse into the live performance. Thank goodness the vampire jazzercise survived! A World of Darkness LARP set to music, it's over the top and refuses to let me take its words about vampire life seriously. Especially, you know, the whole vampire life thing. Themes: Vampires, candles, lightning, mohawks, aerobics, immortal life. Aww. Could this use less dialogue and more action? Sure. Does it have a plot? Ennnnh. Do I care? It did hit me as talky, so yes, I care about that, but I still enjoy the light take on vampirism. In any other context a vampire child would be weird, but vampires are alive, after all. So there's no reason they shouldn't have awkward middle-school crushes on nice boys with nice dads who don't quite understand why their son's friend wouldn't want garlic bread. That bread helps tie everything together in a cute little package. Erica does her part, too, as the consummate wingman. Keith is less distinctive or interesting, and that's a minor flaw; he's an antagonist without depth or motivation or characterization beyond the bully stereotype. More color wouldn't hurt him. My other criticism is that your line breaks are getting out of control--this is broken up all to heck, and some of the lines could and probably should be in the same paragraph. (One example: Except Robert. And the goth kids, but that was kind of a weird and creepy dynamic.) The American jury gives you: 7 points. **** Ceighk, for Latvia 2014: "Midsummer's Eve" Lyrics: Aarzemnieki - "Cake To Bake" Kai's Video Notes: This sort of cheese isn't usually my preferred Eurovision flavor, but the weirdly creepy man in the striped shirt gives it a twist of hilarity, and the lyrics are full of potential adventures--and cake! I won't mind reading a story all about cake-baking if we get one, as long as Ceighk doesn't let Striped Shirt near the batter. Themes: Cake, nonstop smiling, baking, the challenge of simple tasks, adventurers faced with homely things, unkempt hair. Getting so caught up in building your world that you forgot to flesh out most of your many named characters or, well, tell a story ruined your chances and arguably your entry, but for what it's worth, I imagine this would this would have landed in the soggy middle of four weeks out of five. It's just not that bad. Jeanette and Ossian are the only people in it with a hint of a second dimension; that's unfortunate. The nature of the apocalypse--if that's what's happened here--isn't clear. A few hints about the larger world toward the end (transatlantic communication, "the father of her child," etc.) have me wondering if this is a fragment of some larger work of yours. It's all inoffensive enough, however. Your misfortune is that for once, everyone else managed better than that. I'd say the besetting sin here is the lack of any arc, progression, or conclusion. Ossian is up to something sinister outside the village. Exciting! Ominous! What disaster is he about to lead the village boys into? We never find out, and there's your trouble. Ill-defined bad stuff is going on when the story starts, and it's going on when the story stops, and nothing has changed beyond the consumption of a cake. A situation sketch like this one needs to be compelling or beautiful or extraordinary in some other way to make up for the plot and character it doesn't have. This is just okay. The American jury gives you: 4 points. **** Ironic Twist, for France: "Fell" Lyrics: Alma - "Requiem" Kai's Video Notes: Until the beat really kicks in at the fifty-second mark, I'm ready to mark this down as another pretty-but-lackluster entry from France. (Those moustaches spoiled me.) The vigorous chorus and spectacle of dancers twirling on the sides of buildings elevate it. Alma's grin is infectious, making me come away from the video a little happier than when I went in. Themes: Old city streets, dawn, monuments, romance, the tango, defiance of gravity, life beyond death. Here are the criticisms I can make of this piece: clarity is once again your bugbear, as the likes of half-dead and After--that go unexplained. My current theory says that the mother and the father died in their sleep but stayed on the ceiling a while rather than moving on. It's not too likely they'd both go at once, however, so I keep asking what caused these deaths, whether they were deaths or something else, and whether the story needs this point of confusion or would be as strong if Charlie had just gone in to see his parents on the ceiling one day. Their freedom from gravity registers as a metaphor for a comatose or otherwise removed-but-not-gone state. I don't think you need to make that so explicit. Charlie's struggle with the papers and the excellent line I went to bed in a home, and woke up in an estate (excellent aside from the errant comma, anyway: I like the pause, but to keep it you need I after and) could survive the change since his mother has passed by any definition, and her death loses some of its weight--so to speak--by being a second death, almost an afterthought. Here's my praise: as Chili's story does, yours explores multiple sides of loss, death, and grieving. It does so with power and resonance. I can feel Charlie's frustration and awkward pain, made awkward by the one parent who's still there and won't leave. Charlie does and doesn't want him to, I think. He can't handle his father's irreverence, but he could handle being without him forever even less. Only the loss could bring him peace--something he desperately needs but at that price doesn't want. Charlie's father's behavior is absolutely weird to the Earth-bound; it underlines that he's just... beyond that, now. Love for Charlie is all that keeps him in the world at all. He doesn't care about much else. (Why did the mother go without saying goodbye? Was it an accident or also a choice?) It's no wonder he's driving Charlie to despair. That Charlie still doesn't want him to go says volumes about what the man means to him and why he so resents the behavior that separates his father from the living world already. The finale is raw and strong. The interpretation of the video is lovely. The subprompt is weaker, surprisingly, because the importance or lack thereof of the blood tie isn't addressed. Possibly the idea is that Charlie's love for these people gave rise to his his grief for them, not his blood bond. The three top stories are all about bereavement. Each of you made pain live in your words. Your particular treatment pairs elegant prose with raw, rough emotion, and they dance well together. The American jury gives you: 12 points. **** SurreptitiousMuffin, for West Germany 1979: "wherever the river ran" Lyrics: Dschinghis Khan - "Genghis Khan" Kai's Video Notes: Proof that beautiful Eurovision goofiness has long been alive and well. The whole performance is ridiculous in the best way. I'm especially enamored of the lead dancer's crown. The song sounds great, too, which is the icing on a cake made of gold lame and fun. Themes: Flamboyant dress, crowns, dancing, laughter, Mongols, Genghis Khan, history, conquest. A Latin word like effluvium sticks out in the thoughts of a Mongol khan, even if he might have encountered the language. I'd go with something else. The concept here is good. It's a good treatment of the video. The delivery of the exposition and the core idea could be more graceful; the line Bekter was your brother by blood only, which means nothing may as well have a neon sign around its neck saying HERE'S THE SUBPROMPT, GUYS! You're going for something interesting with it, though, as the story seems to asks whether family is more than blood. Maybe Temujin wouldn't be monologuing to a shivering wolf in his death dream if he hadn't shot Bekter over something he can't even remember. That's the rub, though. For Temujin/Genghis's first kill (and I gather this kill turned the one to the other) to be his only brother is remarkable enough to deserve a longer look. Wikipedia tells me that in the real history, Bekter was only one of several brothers, and he and Genghis weren't raised alone together. In that context the murder is less surprising. In the one you've given, it needs more space. That Bekter was also raised by the wolf complicates Temujin's struggle with the meanings of brotherhood and family. I understand the blood-doesn't-matter side of things. What I don't understand is why the bond of a shared upbringing doesn't mean anything either. Caring so little about anything could be what makes the world empty for Genghis, but it was Temujin who murdered his brother, and it's Temujin who's in such denial of his loneliness--he cares very much. Something changed this man; by handwaving Bekter and his death you shortchange a critical part of the story. Some characterization for Bekter or a circumstance in which he wasn't brought up by the wolf would probably help, the latter being tricky since Genghis would have to still know him for a brother somehow--I suspect that's why you had him share the wolf mother. You could make that work by drawing Bekter as more than a floating corpse. The American jury gives you: 7 points. **** Thranguy, for United Kingdom 2007: "There Are Stories of the Dutchman" Lyrics: Scooch - "Flying the Flag" Kai's Video Notes: One of the riskier picks. There's plenty of room for this airline-themed camp to go wrong. On the other hand, the performance has color, energy, and WTF to spare. I shouldn't be surprised the UK loved Poland 2014 so much: their tribute to airlines is just about as raunchy, as I lose any ability to deny once the man with the weasel face brandishes the giant Jolly Rancher suggestively. Themes: Air travel, stewards, service with a smile, innuendo, semaphore. First off, I'm sorry about the Jolly Rancher. I'd forgotten about the sleazy elements when I assigned this one. Chipper airline workers seemed so benign! So you have all my thanks for managing to incorporate the leers in a tasteful way. Impressive, that, and your take on the video and subprompt is good all around. I've come to expect that from you, and I appreciate the consistent strength. Unfortunately, the entries of yours that leave me  ing in regards to the prompt often possess major weaknesses elsewhere. This one has a great concept in the ghost plane, but I can only scratch my head over not enough fuel to make it to Heaven and the plane traveling its "usual route"--does any plane only have one? Ghost Dad confuses me too: how are the ghosts paying him? What are his debts? Is there some sort of ghost karma economy? How do you join this crew if you died in a car wreck somewhere? Is he a wizard too; did that factor in, or was this all just not thought out very well?You haven't done enough with your cool idea, and you try to keep your story flying by waving your hands. The well-executed emotional finish could have pulled you up to the high tier in a lesser week. This round had too many fantastic entries to be so forgiving. The American jury gives you: 7 points. **** Chili, for Montenegro: "Rocket to the Stars" Lyrics: Slavko Kalezić - "Space" Kai's Video Notes: Never mind the merman skirt. That is an amazing braid. The faces Mr. Kalezić makes at the camera suggest he thinks the look is sexy, and I cannot agree with him there. Look at that paper crown, though--maybe when I laugh at his topless braid-whipping I'm laughing right along with him. Themes: Long hair, stone quarries, seduction faces, royalty, leather pants, over-the-top sexuality, satire, safe sex, metaphors, space travel. In the main character's fugue of grief, present mingles with past and changes memory. The pain around him keeps leaking into that day with the rocket even as he denies his own emotion. He's hurting, and the waking visions tell me how badly he's hurting, but the warmth and sunlight of that day in the park aren't false. Love lasts past death, and even in front of the coffin there are sparks of happiness in remembering a person and what they've done and what they've been to you; but the loss keeps intruding. This story draws its relationships beautifully and speaks to the dichotomy in losing someone for whom you care so much. How can you not be happy, thinking of them? How can that not tear you apart? In the case of Grandpa's grandson it's led to some sort of dramatic gesture. Maybe a mental break, maybe no. I want to think that he's still hallucinating and that the coffin didn't sprout an engine from somewhere in anyone's eyes but his, and I think this is true because the line I see nobody, nothing at all, except the casket suggests his brain is fighting to cope with the reality that his grandfather's mortal body is in there. I imagine that he flings himself on the casket. I prefer to imagine he lives, though the crack and riding with Grandpa could be interpreted as him breaking his neck and dying too. That's too grim and would overbalance the play of gold and grey, so I hope that isn't the intention; I'd rethink it if it is. I'm so impressed you wrote this. It raises my opinion of your potential to the stars. The American jury gives you: 12 points. **** The Saddest Rhino, for Denmark 2007: "Five Facts on the Death of Signora Reina Del Teatrale" Lyrics: DQ - "Drama Queen" Kai's Video Notes: That hat. I would probably have put this on my list of songs to hand out for the hat alone; the crown and the robe and the hammy male attendants and the feather fans and the two costume changes are just more rhinestones on the tiara. There's even pyro! The song's a paean to performance, and who wouldn't appreciate DQ's love of entertaining an audience? Not I. Themes: Drag queens, stages, entertainment, the performing arts, showmanship, flash and dazzle, royalty. Every time I criticize an experimental format, I have to admit it's possible to put a story together in a way that's anything but standard and come out the other side with something worthwhile. This entry provides evidence. The list is strange as the Signora's life is strange. The parentheses make me feel like the narrator is lowering his voice to share little asides, granting the whole thing a sort of intimacy. None of the events could be real in isolation; few make sense. Strung together this way, they feed off each other and shape a piece of magical realism in the style of Gabriel Garcia Marquez. You so nearly pull it off as almost no one else in Thunderdome could. But. But-- The finale limps on a broken heel. There's this niece, her problems years in the past, putting on the headdress and being touched by the Signora's spirit (or a spirit of the headdress that touched the Signora too), and there are broken fragments of sentences that work--it's poetry--but it isn't as rich as what came before. Attitude can create truth from illusion, it tells me, and there's a lovely paradox in that I can't tell whether the Signora made the hat or the hat made the Signora. Possibly both! It's good. But. I wonder if the niece finding the headdress again "years later" is why there's an emptiness to this last segment, as though it had been rushed for the sake of getting to the end. I wonder if you've overdone it with the line breaks. Maybe so. Somehow the jewels turn out to be a little too much like plastic, the feathers a little too bedraggled, and magic is lost. This still comes the closest of any Thunderdome entry I can recall to capturing the enchantment of Marquez. That you transformed the video I gave you into such a story leaves me in awe. The American jury gives you: 10 points. **** The Cut of Your Jib, for Iceland: "In a Young Girl's Heart" Lyrics: Svala - "Paper" Kai's Video Notes: Not digging this lady's styling at all. The make-up is distractingly awful. The beat and techno background sound save the parts of the song that aren't the chorus; the chorus is strong enough to stand on their own, though "Paaaaaaaaaaaaaper!" feels like nearly half the song. The lyrics tell of a relationship with a man, probably a troubled man, who is trying to get Svala to leave him for her own good; she won't, but their bond renders her frail and dependent. Lots of story fodder there. Themes: Unhealthy relationships, dependence, love for a damaging person, self-destruction, cheekbones. The premise reminds me of Sailor Viy's, but the prose is... white noise, sort of. I take it in, I more or less understand it, and it makes no impact. I lost interest partway through my first read and couldn't remember any details when I came back to the story, so I doubt the style you've chosen is serving the work. The obfuscation of Dottir's mission doesn't help either as I'm not hooked sufficiently by Dottir herself or by the setting to be intrigued by the missing details. My take is that Dottir is a robot in a world and time in which humanity is probably extinct, and in which robots are nearly so because of the predations of a data-corrupting virus. Dottir may have specialized in Icelandic rune lore. I envision her as a robot designed to hold onto that knowledge, though I may be getting that out of thin air. Whatever the reason, she knows the runes and the spells, and she grows a tree to harvest it for paper on which to write a spell that turns her into a flesh-and-blood human. To save her knowledge from the corruption? Out of personal desire? It could be both or either. It's not a bad concept or as random as it first seems, but clarity is wanting, especially about the voices Dottir hears when she wakes up as a real girl. I don't have much idea what those mean for the world of the story, whether there have always still been people and she was deaf as a robot or what. The prose bores more than it entices. The subprompt at least is nicely handled, and I'm interested in the ideas at the heart. The American jury gives you: 5 points. **** Uranium Phoenix, for Belgium: "The Roar of Wind and War" Lyrics: Blanche - "City Lights" Kai's Video Notes: It's the bouncing ball from those old Disney sing-along videos! I wondered what it was up to these days. The song itself has moments when I almost like it but never quite gets there; even for Eurovision, that chorus is repetitive. Still, the spread of light on the buildings and trees is an intriguing element that I'd love to see in a story. Themes: The danger zone, buildings, light, isolation. You've screwed up massively by presenting Ruby's goal as the rescue of her child, then presenting the child's death as a fait accompli and trying to center the story's emotional finale on this sudden, last-minute wife. That's not the only issue in play: it's convenient as hell that Ruby arrives in Chicago just in time to see her own apartment bombed. Golly gee! I wonder what the odds of that are? Something tells me they're astronomically poor! Such contrivance in service of a completely unearned ending galls more than it otherwise would. Olivia must be important--never mind existent--before the very end if this story's to function. In hiding her until the last minute, you've also created the impression that she's some sort of twist. Ruby's marriage makes awful twist fodder as it's neither shocking nor interesting. As good as your prose is in this piece, its climax is less a stumble than a nose-cracking swan dive into the nearest pavement. The American jury gives you: 5 points. **** BeefSupreme, for Turkey 2008: "Love Me Back" Lyrics: Can Bonomo - "Love Me Back" Kai's Video Notes: All hail the Turkish manboat! There's something sleazy about the lead singer. Is it the crooked hat? The floppy sleeves? How much it sounds like he's singing "Ride me like I ride you"? Who knows. He has a manboat and giant anchors bobbing behind him, and that's what matters. Nothing that sounds so nasal should be half so catchy, but again: manboat. Themes: Sailors, the ocean, romantic aspirations, questionable pick-up lines, seahorses, anchors, boats made out of men. Is the key change an intentional Eurovision joke? I love it so much if it is. The first paragraph is slightly misleading, though: you'd think Francisco were going to matter. Very possibly you should cut him and give his character traits to Bodhi, whose relationship with Declan could use some deepening and clarification. I want to understand why Declan would follow Bodhi into this storm for his sister's sake, not to mention why Bodhi would ask such a favor. They seem more like business acquaintances than blood brothers or lovers--the latter of which I doubt they are with Declan hitting on Bodhi's sister, but who knows. I'd also like to understand why Bodhi would go out into this storm. What Josie said to imply her situation required urgent intervention would be good to know. I imagined on my first read that it had to be dire to warrant such a response, so when all the drama and risk turned out to be for nothing I didn't receive it well. The contrast between Josie and Declan as family for Bodhi is there, and it serves the subprompt, but the finale flops. As good as the storm scene is, paring it down to fit in more about Bodhi and Josie and Bodhi's grim urgency to "rescue" her despite her lying nature would probably bolster the piece some. More interaction between Bodhi and Declan during the storm would be another option. This is a story about your characters' bonds with each other, so focus on those. The American jury gives you: 6 points. **** Mrenda, for Ireland: "All I Want At My Age Is A Place To Sit" Lyrics: Brendan Murray - "Dying to Try" Kai's Video Notes: I keep wondering how cold that beach is to make his cheeks so rosy. I keep wishing there were two of him, too, perhaps in red sequins, but what he lacks in a twin he makes up for in singing talent. The landscape is the star here; the rocky beach and sweeping vistas hold more drama than do the lovers. That said, I like the uplifting message in the lyrics about love's fragility, risk, and worth. Themes: Love, worry, uncertainty, optimism, faith, the shore. You know, I like this. I like the gradual, subtle shift from politeness to genuine comradeship between the narrator and the homeless man she'd judged and resented--with reason, but without knowing his full story. The painter is colored as stodgy, but she has a point: no group should monopolize that view. No one should have to walk past illegal activity in public. She's erred, though, in assuming the drinkers wouldn't make room for her or let her have a turn. In focusing on their vice, she's missed considering their humanity. Interacting with Darren brings her into an awareness of him and the other men as people. And here's the beauty part: your story shows this without ever telling it, making its point delicately and with grace. Both the characters are flawed and sympathetic at the same time, and you abstain from attempting to excuse either of them. They're just human. Well done. Mechanically, the combination of sentence fragments and missing commas doesn't read well, and there are instances too of commas used in place of semicolons, of absent hyphens, and of punctuation where none belongs (for example: a red nosed, staggerer with beer breath). Some of the choices made may be stylistic, but that bit I quoted is flat wrong to no effect. Watch it. One of my favorite technical guides is the Purdue OWL, and it may hold some pointers for you. The second fly in the ointment with this one is the subprompt. The bond the painter and the homeless man form is too thin to be called familial, though I imagine that's the angle you had in mind. The American jury would have given you: 7 points. **** flerp, for Germany 2016: "Help! My Boyfriend Wants to Move On Instead of Getting Married!" Lyrics: Jamie-Lee - "Ghost" Kai's Video Notes: I chose this for flerp in memory of his tale of hentai sexbots, but Jamie-Lee's remarkable costume--just how many stuffed animals are stapled to her head?--distracts from a beautiful, melancholy song of dying love. That moon and the trees are gorgeous too, and I wonder, sadly, whether this is the rare Eurovision song that was damaged by its touch of weird. It should never have come in last. Themes: Love, fear, isolation, the failure of a relationship, night, the moon, the forest, ghosts, anime. flerp.  I kid you not: the flipp(er)ant humor of your merman stories makes me laugh when pieces that probably have a lot more effort put into them don't. Whether that comments on anything so much as my taste is a question I leave for the philosophers. Not every line here is a winner or close--Merle digresses a lot, and not all his tangents are as amusing as his death in a seaweed chipper. (What's even with the world-saving librarian merman? Is he a Buffy reference? A hint of merman stories yet to come?) Merle's narrative voice keeps things moving along anyway. The frame gimmick works, and everything comes together into a dumb, fun, brainless-but-adorable package. I wish Merle the best in his new relationship!The American jury would have given you: 8 points, but then this is the same jury that voted for Belarusian naked wolf holograms. Kaishai fucked around with this message at 04:28 on Nov 14, 2017 |
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Sep 7, 2017 05:42
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Thunderdome Recaps!  It's my dubious pleasure to present you with not one, not two, but three recap episodes in a bid to make up for lost time, starting with the round that proved there's no party like a failure party (because nobody throws parties for failures): Week 261: You Are Cordially Invited to the Dome of a Thousand Doors. Some of what went wrong with Thunderdome's fifth birthday celebration is obvious, but far be it from Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, or myself to turn our eyes from comparatively minor issues like prolonged banter, execrable proofreading, or that one list of matches in a monster tournament we never get to see. Twist brings class and panache to our reading of dmboogie's "i bet one day we'll look back on this and laugh but for tonight could you just buy me a drink." This proceeded longer than it should have. Next up we have Week 262: Build Your Own Prompt, a soggy mess of clams and muscles if ever one there was. We take a look at the positive mentions too, rejoicing in the mermen and the Uber, but once we've read Development's "Jericoh Juice" aloud we can't wash the taste of sugared bean water out of our mouths. “Oh man I feel so woke after this!” He exclaimed. Finally, the recappers struggle with the monsters of Week 263: dragons are for rich white kids and come to hate any world that includes Week 264: Dystopia With A View. "Does Thunderdome know what winner means?" we ask ourselves. "And was there any point to the dragons?" Listen to the episode to find out our answers. The dramatic-reading portion of the program takes a vacation from standard operating procedure, visiting the yuppy places of this world in Wrageowrapper's "The Drone of the Tower." With each crimson stain, the community became a better place. Episodes past can be found here! Kaishai fucked around with this message at 23:56 on Nov 23, 2017 |
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Sep 27, 2017 09:30
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Thunderdome Recaps!  Sometimes the recap crew comes across a story that's so special (for certain values of the word) that Sitting Here and I decide you guys would enjoy Ironic Twist's unspoiled reaction--or at least that we would. And what do you know! Our coverage of Week 265: KEITH APE and Week 266: J. Walter Weatherman and Friends gives you two chances to revel in Twist's suffering as we read Exmond's "Butting Heads" and magnificent7's "Prince Tardigrade" aloud. The moral of the story: do not detach your progenitive organs in the first few minutes of recording. “Oh it’s okay in this case. These aren’t like your sister Trudy. It’s okay to call them tards.” Week 267: The Horror....the horror belies its name as we examine its macabre high points: icy eyes and murder ghosts steal the spotlight for a time, though eventually, inevitably, our eyes and our voices drift to the quadruple amputee playing piano in the corner of Exmond's "Why did the bee hum?" Shall we talk about the writer typing their dreams into ones and zeros, their meaning lost in the BuzzFeed? Or about the judge who sees words and wants to die? Episodes past can be found here!
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Oct 16, 2017 03:34
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Thunderdome Recap!  Zoos and divorce. Romance and Alzheimer's. Urine and Belgium. One can always count on Thunderdome to see life's obvious connections. This time around, Sitting Here, special guest Jitzu_the_Monk, and I huddle behind our umbrellas as we watch writers piss into the wind. We ponder the strategies behind the cards you all played in Week 268: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERDS, then grade an academic paper for Week 269: AMBROSE BIERCE SAW HIM FIRST; we visit but do not dwell upon the meat walls of Week 270: La Belle Époque, for the final bottle awaits us: sebmojo's monastic downfall, the distressingly unwholesome "Trappist again." “Now that the weather has been thoroughly discussed, can we commence with bridge?” Episodes past can be found here!
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Oct 27, 2017 22:14
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Critiques for Week CCLXI: It's Our Party, and I'll Cry If I Want To Not much remains to be said about the empty party chairs. Instead, let's look at the gifts everyone brought! Lord Domerci, Thunderdome, and your fortunate judges were blessed enough to receive undead butt-bongs and vampire romance novels galore. Maybe blessed isn't so much the word. Celebration weeks are buoyed by the playful atmosphere, but this was a lackluster affair. It's my fault in part. Thanks to the Voidmart prompts, I knew going in that there was risk of some stories boiling down to This mansion sure is weird!--and to your credit, there weren't so many of those. Incompetent and/or passive thieves, on the other hand... oh, well. I enjoyed seeing how each of you interpreted Lord Domerci, and many of your takes on the Manor were nothing I'd imagined. Whatever else, each of you made the party more fun by showing up. Now on to the thank-you notes, which probably won't morph into sex monsters that devour your soul. That's more Domerci's style than mine. blue squares, "While Searching for an Answer" Include the likes of marage and receieved in a manuscript you're submitting for publication. Go on. I dare you. Errors like those don't reflect on your work any better here than there, and it's so much the worse that we're talking about goofs a basic spelling check would have caught. Don't hang a sign around your story's neck telling me I DIDN'T BOTHER SO YOU SHOULDN'T EITHER, okay? Give me more room to decide that for myself! Beyond that, the formatting has too few blank lines and too many scene breaks to hit the mark. This story doesn't receive any benefit from being broken into bite-size chunks, though I'd guess you're doing that in part to underline the Why am I here? refrain. You beat that question into the ground, unfortunately, as it appears five times within five scene fragments and just over four hundred words. I'd guess the echoes are meant to be resonant, urgent, something. They come off more like you and Eric both spinning your wheels. The conclusion aims for a feel-good message about taking pride in yourself or at least not feeling shame, but rooting that moral in lies hamstrings it quite a bit. You don't forge your own destiny by telling random strangers you're something you drat well factually are not, i.e. the winner of a Nobel Prize. Nope. You don't. Sorry. I end up thinking less of Eric in the end than I did at the outset. Is it possible that's the point? Could I be meant to see Eric's new confidence as the delusion of a pathetic man and Lord Domerci as an utter troll? I'd buy the latter, but I can't buy the former when your last paragraph tries so hard to paint Eric's deceits as his key to self-worth and happiness. Despite all of the above, I sort of liked this one until the off-key resolution. I just can't offer any suggestion for significant improvement that doesn't involve rethinking everything after Scene 5. ***** Jay W. Friks, "Dirty Pool" The idea here appears to be that Lord Domerci has an intensely messed up pool. Well and good, but there's less meat on the story's bones than there is on Rudy's when the pool pervert gets done with him. The back-and-forth between the horny party guests and the servant is colorless, and it isn't necessary--Linda and Rudy could find the pool room locked, with a warning posted, and force their way in anyway. Boom! You'd cut right to the creepy chamber. That wouldn't be enough to save a piece that has no plot, background, depth of setting, or depth of character to speak of, but every edit has to start somewhere. Why do I care about the deaths of Linda and Rudy at the hands of a swimming-pool sex monster? You start well with the quick sketch of their meeting in the first paragraph, but they don't receive any development beyond that, and it doesn't suffice. This I'll give you: the gore is effectively done, even if it isn't in the service of anything but itself; I can't fathom why anyone would have a bechlorined fornication parasite in his house, though. Possibly there's meant to be some sort of parallel between the horniness of Rudy and the horniness of the creature, but to what end? There just isn't enough shown of either character for their deaths to be meaningful, and all I get from this when it's over is Domerci Manor sure is weird, huh? If you want to work further with this one, fill in the lines of your sparsely drawn protagonists and connect their fates to their personalities and actions in some less shallow way. "Two kids up to no good stumble over a horror and get eaten" is an old, tired story that needs some richness, some depth, or some spark to freshen it up again. ***** Mercedes, "The Pyramid Scheme" If this hadn't been a celebration week, the energy you brought to the table and the sense that you were having fun even if I would rather drown you in nitroglycerin twice than ever read this again wouldn't have spared you; you lucked out too in that so many other entries were bland puddings made of nothing. In hindsight, I should have pulled the DM lever anyway. You've written a story with a conflict and a resolution, but a shock-value piece that offers neither value nor shock fails at one of fiction's primary objectives: to make a worthy use of the reader's time. ***** Pippin, "What's Behind Door Number One?" Malcolm? Burglary? This had better not be Five Days a Stranger fanfic. It doesn't seem to be, despite the fixation with doors. Although you've written another "Man, this manor sure is weird!" story, I feel more warmly toward this entry than some. Malcolm is only kind of a jerk; that helps! He has a bit of personality, albeit a weird one that keeps him holding an empty wine glass for three hours solid, and little touches like the neon-pink Post-It raise a smile. I've seen these jokes before, but you've chosen decent ones and kept the banter to a reasonable level. The situation is still careworn and empty. The story doesn't say anything. While fiction doesn't need to have a moral or message or point beyond entertainment, that last is the sticking point here: I mildly enjoy the light romp you've provided, but it isn't strong enough to earn much goodwill. It doesn't stand out in any way other than not being awful--mind you, I do appreciate that--and isn't likely to be remembered for more than a couple of minutes after reading. I can confirm from this vantage point of several weeks past judging that time had erased all the details from my mind except for the gryphon and the prosecco glass. Seriously, what's with that? I expect this entry would have landed in the middle of almost any week, and I expect from its general competence that you're capable of better. ***** Thranguy, "The Huntress and the Thief" In any other week I'd grumble about your failure to edit, but I'll take that any day over flat failure. I do hope you expected your DQ. On the face of it your inability to cut a hundred words and change with hours left in which to work is inexplicable, but this piece is an odd duck in a couple of respects, and I wonder whether either time was a factor or you struggled too much with your idea. The halves of this story refuse to cohere. Maximillian has no business being the viewpoint character when four fifths of the text are spent on Tessa and Domerci, neither of whom interacts with Max in the least way. Max's actions begin and end at idly grabbing two LEGO pieces that pass nearby. (All right, I oversimplify: he casts two small spells, one of which achieves his goal. It does this with so little fanfare or difficulty, though, that the only thing that keeps it from being anticlimactic is how little concerned I am by whether Max steals a thing or not by that point in the story. You've distracted me too thoroughly with Tessa's trial.) Tessa's plot thread is more interesting, but it suffers from little characterization or backstory for Tessa. All of that goes to Max. This can't work without the two plotlines ever intersecting; I resent Max's half more in the end because it doesn't put its exposition to good use. On the flash rule: the disc of "blood" and the plastic ruby are clever. You put LEGO to an unexpected use that I could have enjoyed. However, since working LEGO into the story is the only obvious purpose of Maximillian's frame, I can't call this use a success. I don't get the impression that LEGO inspired your tale. ***** Hawklad, "The Fisherman and the Eel" Laden with exposition and hobbled by the execution thereof as your entry is--and oh, it is--you've written a story. Things happen! A man acts toward the achievement of a goal, faces a conflict, and fails because he can't overcome or make amends for the sins of his past. The conclusion follows smoothly from what has come before. It isn't too easily predicted; the twist in the tale is handled well. Domerci Manor and the birthday party play a role in the piece without eclipsing either its plot or its characterization. Almost everything hangs together in a coherent, satisfying narrative that delivers a nice horror moment to boot, which is why this won over an entry with a much weaker throughline. But though it's a good piece, it isn't great. Regarding exposition: Steelbottom's tale of what happened to his wife and son is too clearly for the reader's benefit rather than Merrow's. It doesn't read at all like natural speech. Considering how important they are, Ingrid, Sam, and Pat could stand to be mentioned before the story is almost over. More thorough proofreading would also be good! I spy with my little eye an absent period here, a missing quotation mark there, and so many AWOL hyphens that an entire barracks must be empty. The old-timey voice clunks along, a valiant but half-successful attempt. My judge notes said, "I could vote for this to win without wanting to die." Not a high bar to clear, granted, but your merman gothic charmed me enough that I was glad to see it come out on top. ***** Nethilia, "Lost and Found" Okay, so Vanesa dresses her boyfriend of three years up like a Ken doll in expensive togs in order to drag him to a party and then ditch him immediately in favor of poo poo-talking him to Lord Domerci. Is that right? Oliver's not alone in wondering at the amount of trouble she's gone to for such a little, petty, pointless gesture. Pointless describes the whole story, unfortunately. It's a meet-cute between a completely passive man and a random woman who's probably less of a psycho hosebeast than his ridiculous ex: nice enough, well written, but not interesting. Oliver is so whipped that he's weakened as a protagonist. He's too disinterested in running his own life to be worthy of the role, and he doesn't undergo the much-needed turnaround. My impression is of a man who stumbled into and through one relationship, stumbled out of it again, and blundered into the path of the next woman to come along without at any point doing anything to get or hold the interest of either. Good grief. Allow the poor schmo some say in his own fate! Else--say it with me, now--why should I care? How can I care more about what happens to Oliver than he does himself? ***** Solitair, "Theorycraps" A woman is attending Domerci's birthday party as a guest, and for whatever reason, she's ended up in a room in which gamblers wager on the fates of people either fictional or far distant. She finds observing lives and deaths in this manner distasteful. One of Domerci's employees is there, however, to set her right by drawing a nonsensical parallel between voyeurism and a desire for verisimilitude in fiction. Smirking and smug, this man lures her into guessing at the story beneath the story she sees in one of the windows; why this is all right with Heather when other forms of peeping were wrong is a question left for the philosophers. The camera cuts to Lord Domerci as he comments on Heather's performance, but why he cares is a mystery wrapped in an enigma bound by ropes of purest apathy on my part. Apparently Domerci is keen to ~open minds~ to his literary theories. The end! It's difficult to avoid the impression that the one who wants to push his theories is actually you. This would work better for you if the theory were delivered coherently, maybe, though maybe not since lectures are not what I desire from the stories I read. More, the self-congratulatory tone of it all is incredibly off-putting. Perhaps the smugness is meant to be entirely Scorpio's, but Domerci metaphorically steepling his fingers like a chess master at the end makes me think that no, Scorpio's "points" are sincerely meant to come across as brilliant and/or profound. They don't. And whether a Tumblr blogger accepts that her shipping posts are just exactly like installing a stealth camera on someone's laptop is not a conflict in which I find much of interest. Time hasn't been kind to this one: its tone and apparent aim are more irritating each time I read it. My co-judges had much more favorable views of the concept of metafiction, which is something to consider, but none of us was keen on the execution of it here. That Domerci's and Scorpio's roles in the story are strictly to exposit doesn't help. More story and less half-baked preaching next time, yes? ***** dmboogie, "i bet one day we'll look back on this and laugh but for tonight could you just buy me a drink" I'm sorry to break the news, dmboogie, but Fifty Shades of Grey is only marginally more tolerable with less sex and fewer contract negotiations. I know, I know. I'm surprised too. It turns out the situation of an inexperienced person stepping in for her sick friend to interview a mysterious, mega-wealthy man and blowing the opportunity by asking ridiculous questions just isn't credible, you know? Or funny. And hanging a lampshade on the similarities by ladling on the vampire books is probably not wise. Jokes aside, I could buy this as coincidence, but the riffs on Fifty Shades' mother genre do make me wonder. Anyway, that peculiarity is just a side show. Clara and Lark are the story's executioners. Clara by herself is kind of okay; her search for and even her confrontation with Domerci have half a modicum of charm ("smiled wisely" destroys the other half of the modicum, FYI), but Lark suffers a shocking lack of charisma for someone who owns a taser cigarette holder. The banter between these two is as dull as it is incessant; This proceeded longer than it should have sums up their interaction and, more or less, the story. It's so much the worse that you introduced a lot of potential with Clara's vision of herself without eyes and Lark smiling beside her. Right then I thought I would see Lark betraying Clara in some way, justifying her existence in the story. It promised to be very compelling! Then... well, then the characters turned their back on the whole thing and tossed around vampire romances instead, and if you didn't run out of words or ideas or time, I'd be shocked. So is that what happened? Did you mean to do more with dynamic between Clara and Lark, maybe to go for macabre humor instead of the weak laugh-track-backed punchline you ultimately delivered, only to realize you couldn't do it within the constraints and panic? I like the theory, because otherwise I have no clue what you were thinking in wasting one strong moment and a couple of great images on that ending. ***** Sitting Here, "In Which an Unwanted Gift is Returned" I've seen the collaboration document, so I know now that the Zodiac brooches were your idea, which doesn't surprise me. This story is so enamored of that concept that it loses itself in it. Aside from the protagonist and Domerci, every (To be clear: I like the concept of the Zodiac symbols, though I'd have gone for Western as the safer bet. The execution of the idea is more of a flaw here than the idea itself.) I feel like the piece is so busy playing with the pretty baubles that it forgets to color in enough of the background to let the story land. I want some idea of what Domerci and this lady were to each other to begin with, why he gave her that gift, why he wants to convince her of her essential honesty. Why she needs convincing. There's more of interest in those questions than in the lady's exchanges with his servants. If you ask me, then, you've started and ended your tale in the wrong places. This version of it doesn't hit the right spot, though the writing is good and some of the details are lovely. P.S. One more thing! Two letters long or not, is isn't an article, conjunction, or preposition, but a verb, and as such it should be capitalized in titles. This wouldn't be worth mentioning if that error hadn't cropped up a fair amount in TD of (relative) late. ***** Benny Profane, "The Potato Thief" It pains me that mermen could be anyone's downfall, but here we are. Despite the sentences, vast in number, of the same structure; despite the cadence, too long unvaried, quickly grating, it's the mermen--one meta reference too many--that cost you an HM. The other Thunderdome references are woven into the story with more subtlety. Well, except for the potato, but even that's a more organic nod than the Zodiac mermen I had to love but couldn't begin to defend to my fellow judges. We talked a good while about what the ending means. My theory is that the sensory-deprivation tank has given the protagonist a look at the world as Domerci and those who work for him perceive it. She (he?) sees the magic, or the symbolism, or the tale beneath the tale, whichever way you want to put it; this may be as meta in its way as Solitair's entry, though a thousand times more palatable since it shares its ideas through story and imagery instead of preachy characters. Domerci offers to make his (her?) connection to this mystic world permanent with his offer of the pin. Whether she (he?) takes it is left for the reader to decide. I think he (she?) does. (P.S. Give your main character a sex unless there's a solid reason not to, would you? It would have made the protagonist here a tiny fraction less of a visual blank.) This is a more favorable interpretation than the entry perhaps deserves. The other judges saw potential in it but weren't sold on my take, and I wasn't sure of it myself. If I am correct, then I think the merits of the piece outweigh the flaws, but the nods to Thunderdome work against you. Mind that I find a fond pastiche in a birthday week a little heartwarming if anything, so for me the issue is more with the execution: close to passable, but not quite there. ***** Dr. Kloctopussy, "Falling Stars" The main argument offered in favor of your entry for the win was that it was so pretty, one could forgive its narrative weakness. Maybe it won't surprise you that this didn't convince me. I would gladly trade half the surreal, dreamy imagery for a clear storyline to follow and answers to my questions. Why would Elizabeth's house burning down remove her memory of a summer day reading in a patch of primroses? Why does regaining that make up for the burned house? Why do we need the dream journey to get there? Do we? Here's my current notion: you've written a story about the need to let go of the past, possibly specifically to past trauma. Elizabeth can't move on from the present until she leaves her burned house; there are shades of that scene from Labyrinth when Sarah gives up her childhood things (temporarily). When Elizabeth finds her old belongings, she discovers the lost part of herself is not with them. I could speculate that the reason she lost that bright day is that the fire has occluded her other memories. She obsesses over the loss instead of what she lost in the first place. But--why would staying in the past lead her to forget how her mother smelled? Why would she be leaving anything from the past behind? I doubt you mean the ending to be so close to bleak, yet one summer day doesn't strike me as much counterbalance for the ashes. (Ashes evokes the fire. They emphasize that Elizabeth lost the good things in her life, not-particularly-childish things like reading in the sun, in the blaze. That all she can regain is a single memory is downbeat, though I'm almost sure you mean it to be the opposite.) At this point I wouldn't blame you for thinking I didn't like the piece! I ranked it third of the lot and voted for the HM. The writing and certainly the images are a cut above most of the rest. The imagery has lost some of its charm with time; the weakness in plot and character--probably intentional insofar as those weren't your priorities--hasn't faded. I feel like I see what you were out to do better in hindsight, however, and I appreciate it more. ***** sebmojo, "Astronomical Unit" This is a bit of weird. I enjoy it while I think it's going somewhere, only then I'm not sure it does. Does it? I know where it doesn't go: within a thousand miles of Domerci Manor or the birthday party. Criminy cripes, sebmojo, you have the strange building that doesn't obey natural laws right there, and you've made it a hotel with nothing to do with the prompt and oh, I don't even know what to do with you anymore. Change Melissa for Domerci, swap the tech-services call for something less mechanical, and we'd be talking about your honorable mention right now since for my money you meld strangeness, sensory detail, characterization, and even dreams into a tighter package than is managed by any of the other strange-things-happen pieces. But nooooooo. Can't have that, can we? Kindly imagine I'm Tommy Lee Jones looking over a newspaper at you for the rest of your life. Now, that's not the only trouble. I have more of a sense of Mr. Backslash as a person than I do of Dr. K's Elizabeth, who hits me as more of a generic stand-in for the reader. I still have no idea why he wants the cold and the void. The pajamas and dressing don't support the idea of a man who doesn't like comfort. He says he doesn't; that's all. A better explanation would have required more time, which a niggling hunch tells me that you possibly did not have, but now you have plenty so you could go back and give Rolf his due. You should, too. I'd like to see this get published in some form, which is saying something for a work with waggling genitalia in it. ***** RandomPauI, "Her Rehearsal." In IRC, you brought up the idea of Lord Domerci throwing a party for a little girl. I told you all entries had to involve Domerci's birthday celebration. I'm not sure how much clearer I could have been about that, so I fear I must lay the blame for flubbing the prompt on you. There's no birthday gala in sight, and I'm scratching my head over all these commoners invited to event "rehearsals." There's a point at which something becomes a full-fledged event. Say, about the time it features a pit-battle tournament. The setup invites the question of why a twelve-year-old and her family have been going to Domerci Manor once a year for years--what's the connection?--but doesn't hint at an answer. It would rather list tournament matches. The fights have zilch to do with Alice or her escape, however, and they're too exciting to show on camera, so off we go in a stolen truck because sure why not. Shoving said truck into a pit is definitely a reasonable thing to do in order to escape a party. Somehow the theft and destruction of property are almost as dull as the aforementioned list. Then Alice gets claimed as property of Domerci because she's Special, I guess? You haven't done a good job of showing that. I don't see a reason for Domerci to want her other than the employee's last-minute statement that she has "the fire in her," which shows up too late and means little. Halfway through the text, I had no idea what the story was. Multiple readings later, I'm barely sure. I do know the proofing is terrible. Thru? Thru? My despair is boundless. You've punctuated your dialogue badly, so visit this link for pointers. The broken tags lead me to also recommend the "Preview Reply" button. Mostly this is a mess of too many fragments of plot half-baked into one pie, but there's a promising glimmer: the bakelite ring and copper watch, symbolic of captivity and foreshadowed early in the piece. That's nice! The ring and watch baffled me on first read, mind; I didn't remember the anklets and chains, and I only saw them when I reviewed the story again. Ideally the meaning of the jewelry would be clearer from context. I like them anyway, and on the strength of them, I'm curious about the stories you'll write in the future. Oh, but one more thing! It's spelled Bengal, unless the tiger is an '80s pop star.
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Oct 27, 2017 23:48
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For the love of little green apples, Thunderdome, stop putting your prompts in spoiler tags unless the judges ask you to do so. Posting them with your story is fantastic, but please do so in a way that's easy to see and record. Don't edit your post if you've already submitted this week. Just bear this heartfelt request in mind in the future. Kaishai fucked around with this message at 04:23 on Oct 30, 2017 |
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Oct 30, 2017 03:44
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Thunderdome Recap!  Kaishai: "I've got a theory: the sun's a lady And a Red Sox fan? No, something isn't right there." Sitting Here: "I've got a theory: the world's gone crazy, And we're all trapped inside a wacky Twitter nightmare." Ironic Twist: "I've got a theory we should work this out." All: "We're getting weary. What's this dreary entry all about?" Ironic Twist: "It could be writers! Some awful writers! Which is believable, 'cause Thunderdome can't plot or proof or spell or read or take directions worth a drat and God, I need a drink." In Week 271: Reality Doesn't Care What You Think, Thunderdome speculated about what would happen if the universe stopped paying attention to its own rules. The answers given involve less chaos and more ranting angels than one might expect. Join the recap crew for a lengthy theorizing session; stay for the reading of Maigius's '"On Olympus Mons," which invites further brainstorming on the subject of Sealand's GDP. "You didn't... have to... do that...." a bleeding mouth moaned horizontally. Episodes past can be found here!
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Nov 8, 2017 07:17
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Thunderdome Recap!  Writing is a lot like rage: it's all a feeling, And it fills our hearts from the floor to the ceiling. We see disasters all around us; Stop and take a read, and drown in disgust. Plots so broken that they hurt. loving commas, how do they work? And we don't wanna talk to the failure list. Y'all mofos are shameful and getting us pissed. Child abuse and popcorn weather-- At least recappers suffer together. It's a cheery day at the abusement park, and Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and I are on a mission to ride all the roller coasters of Week 272: Lost in the funhouse! Well, maybe not all of them. We don't like lines--they give our fair food too long to settle--so we skip the popular rides and head straight to the creaking deathtraps that sensible people avoid. Wheee, a shooting gallery full of paper-thin targets! Dibs on the centaur carousel! It all ends in vomit and tears, alas, when we read Sham bam bamina!'s "Behind the Paint." He barfed, and nobody cared. Episodes past can be found here! Kaishai fucked around with this message at 01:49 on Nov 15, 2017 |
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Nov 15, 2017 01:43
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Submissions for Week CCLXXVI: Little Man History are now CLOSED! What a delight it is to see history repeat itself in the form of Thunderdome drowning in shame. ThirdEmperor, Sham bam bamina!, flerp, Obliterati, BabyRyoga, J.A.B.C., Deltasquid, apophenium, Natty Ninefingers, Simbyotic, Ironic Twist, TheGreekOwl, Flesnolk, and Amoeba Bot evidently couldn't bear to examine the past. Fuubi has done them one worse and gone AWOL after toxxing, again. When the story of this day is written, it will record more facepalms than mortal man can imagine. Only the path of late submission offers a chance at honor now. Fuubi, your fate depends on the mercy of QuoProQuid. May I suggest some haste? Everyone else, we'll see you in the courtroom. Good luck!
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Nov 20, 2017 06:30
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Thunderdome Recap!  What does fate hold in store for you, Thunderdome? If the Tarot is to be believed, a recap of Week 20: Face Your Destiny and Week 273: A Wicked Pack of Cards lies ahead, and your journey through it will confront you with certain challenges: sociopathic scientists. Eager female anatomy. Max Storm busting a succubus ring. You know, the usual. Survive, and you'll join Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and myself in our heartfelt and prolonged enjoyment of BabyRyoga's "A Transgression." "SCRAWWWWWWK." Episodes past can be found here!
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Nov 23, 2017 23:50
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In.
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Nov 25, 2017 06:04
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Sing, Canary Source material: "Strike Duty" by epoch. and "Squawk at Night." by widespread. (881 words) Read it in the archive. Kaishai fucked around with this message at 21:20 on Jan 1, 2018 |
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Nov 27, 2017 07:02
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Archiving mishap. Nothing to see here.
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Nov 27, 2017 07:03
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Thunderdome Recap!  Your civic duty calls you to take part in the thread referendum on Fumblexit, also known as a recap of Week 274: I Scream, You Scream and Week 275: Bring on the Lovers, Liars and Clowns. Prior to the vote, Sitting Here and I, together with special cyberguest sebmojo, will hold a debate on such critical issues as quote tags and rainbow sherbet. Antifreeze will be offered by way of refreshment; you may or may not find this preferable to sebmojo's "Piss." I scratched my head, listening to his words carefully and trying to make some sense of them in my head. Episodes past can be found here!
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Dec 8, 2017 04:26
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In.
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Dec 16, 2017 07:04
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Phoenix Sonata Game: Hatoful Boyfriend (988 words) Read it in the archive. Kaishai fucked around with this message at 03:56 on Jan 5, 2018 |
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Dec 18, 2017 07:50
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Kaishai posted:For the love of little green apples, Thunderdome, It's been a while since this post, and I'm getting the feeling a reminder may be useful!
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Dec 18, 2017 08:10
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Thunderdome Week CCLXXXI: We Wish You a Merman Christmas! Judges: Kaishai, sebmojo, and Ironic Twist. Christmas time is here! Sparkling tails and cheer! Fins for all that Kaishai calls Her favorite time of year. Mermen from the sea On your Christmas tree. Join and nab some rippling abs, Your muse this week to be. Deck the halls with abs and sparkles! If you remember Thunderdome Christmases of yore, you know what you're in for; if not, gather around the hearth and let me tell you about the spirit of the season. There's a company called December Diamonds that makes each day merry and bright by producing fine, dazzling specimens of festive aquatic beauty, and each of you is going to choose one (or more!) to call your very own. Write a story inspired by your epitome of mermanhood. You don't have to write about mermen; as long as I can see your ornament's influence somewhere in the story, you're good. That's not to discourage you from taking the literal path, though! Do whatever brings joy to your heart and puts words that don't suck on the screen. You may be able to find additional merman options on Amazon or eBay, and I encourage you to do so if that puts you in touch with the beefcake (surf and turf?) of your dreams. First come, first serve: choices are exclusive. If all else fails, you may ask to be assigned an ornament at the price of a 200-word penalty. In the spirit of giving, I offer a way to win those words back or expand your limit: post a crit for an entry from this year to receive 200 additional words. These percentages of crits by week can help you find the stories that could most use your feedback. No fanfiction, nonfiction, erotica, poetry, political satire, political screeds, GoogleDocs, or quote tags. Happy holidays! Sign-up deadline: Friday, December 22, 11:59pm USA Pacific Submission deadline: Monday, December 25, 11:59pm USA Pacific--yes, that's a whole extra day. Did you think judging was going to happen on Christmas? Oh, you! Maximum word count: 1,500 Celebrants: flerp (+200 words): "It Won’t Hurt Him at All" sparksbloom: "Plans" Thranguy: "The Skull Beneath" GenJoe: "For Guys and Girl" Antivehicular (+200 words): "How to Die in the Arms of a Merman" Yoruichi: "The Cowboy's Sparkles" Uranium Phoenix (+200 words): "Remembrance" BeefSupreme: "Out of the Raines" Siddhartha Glutamate Morning Bell (+200 words): "Weapons and Vices" The Saddest Rhino: "Tank!" QuoProQuid Bad Seafood (-200 words): "Cookery" Kaishai fucked around with this message at 00:42 on Dec 27, 2017 |
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Dec 19, 2017 06:11
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 This is not related to the prompt! In case Thunderdome Christmas carols sound entertaining rather than appalling to you, I recorded a few last year, and you can find them here. The songs' individual pages include the lyrics.
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Dec 19, 2017 06:51
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BabyRyoga posted:I'm probably too busy to participate in this one, but my SO would like to submit on my behalf. What's the ruling on that? Don't wanna post something she wrote and pass it off as my own. This is probably a one time thing, if she enjoys it enough i'll just get her an account. The ruling is: no dice. Your SO would need an account of her own to enter. What you could do is post something for her in the Fiction Farm (dormant now, but a new story would likely wake it up), or you could create a thread for her work if it ends up over 1,000 words long. People have been decent in the past about critiquing stories in those places. If the piece involves sparkling mermen in any way, I'll crit it myself. Kaishai fucked around with this message at 04:08 on Dec 20, 2017 |
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Dec 20, 2017 03:36
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Tyrannosaurus posted:Is this Merman 3? Yes, it is.
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Dec 23, 2017 01:36
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You have approximately five hours to let a merman swim into your heart.
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Dec 23, 2017 04:03
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Bad Seafood posted:Late but I don't see no gate so in.  To be clear: that's a spatula, not a magic wand. Sign-ups for Week CCLXXXI are now CLOSED! I for one can't wait to see what will be under the tree this year.
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Dec 23, 2017 13:37
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 Thirty hours remain before Santa Daddy leaves coal in every failure's stocking.
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Dec 25, 2017 03:07
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One more hour! Eight stories is a delightful crop on Christmas, but can we do better? Can we be stronger? Can we be sparklier? You tell me, Thunderdome. Or better yet, show me.
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Dec 26, 2017 08:02
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Submissions for Week CCLXXXI: We Wish You a Merman Christmas! are now CLOSED! Eleven souls piled presents under the judges' tree. We'll shake them, swap them, and speculate on the contents soon, praying for a dearth of ugly sweaters. Siddhartha Glutamate and QuoProQuid are due to receive coal, but they could still find crits in their stockings if they submit within the next twenty-four hours or so. Merry Christmas season to all!
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Dec 26, 2017 09:56
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Results for Week CCLXXXI: We Wish You a Merman Christmas! Could it be? Did Thunderdome give us entries that didn't make us want to jump into a seaweed chipper? That's the best present a judge team could receive! Thanks, guys; it's such a thoughtful gift, and we'll treasure it always. Not all of your offerings were flawless by any means, but the writing was consistently strong even when the storytelling left something to be desired. THE WINNER: Antivehicular, it will be your task to lead us into the new year. The conclusion of your tale is weaker than the rest and gave each judge some degree of pause, but I found a lot to like in Paul's reunion with Miguel and his turn away from death. The unusual format served the story well. Congratulations! HONORABLE MENTIONS: Thranguy brought fantastic concepts to the Christmas feast table; Morning Bell took us into a grim future and showed us some of the horrors there. These pieces stood out in a well-muscled crowd and deserve an appreciative nod. THE LOSER: None. We invoke the option of Christmas mercy. No entry stirred up enough displeasure to break through our glow of goodwill toward mermen, so you earned this seasonal reprieve. Ho, ho, ho! However, a DISHONORABLE MENTION does go to GenJoe for a story of which two of us could make neither heads nor tails. Thank you for such a strong showing in the busy holiday season. May everyone continue to impress in the year to come! (I know, I know, but when better to wish for the impossible than in this time of miracles?)
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Dec 27, 2017 11:02
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Things I like about Thunderdome:
Things I dislike:
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Dec 27, 2017 22:49
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Submission rushes aren't bad. Don't limit yourselves to lit markets, though! Thunderfic got published in by Kazka Press back when it existed. Flash Fiction Online is a promising market for the literary among our number as well as the genre hacks (self included), and though their guidelines forbid previously published works, Daily Science Fiction is a potential home for significantly altered versions. Both of these places are hard nuts to crack, but what 'Domer isn't prepared for a challenge? Here: this list of markets could be very useful to SF/F-friendly judges considering a rush. Just pay attention to whatever the guidelines say about previous publications. And for the love of holies, if you submit to one of these places, follow their rules. Editors have a longer memory for that lady who sent her manuscript in crayon than Thunderdome has for that guy who wrote about abonend bunkers.
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Dec 29, 2017 22:28
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| # ¿ May 11, 2024 17:15 |
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Good night, sweet thread. May your contributions to the world of literature never be forgotten.
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Jan 6, 2018 14:07
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