Thunderdome 2017teen: Prose and Cons

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Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

Uranium Phoenix posted:

You got "heavy christmas", which apparently is a category of music. Your example song is The Darkness "Christmas Time (Don't Let the Bells End)"
Not found in list mode, because reasons?

sweet I always wanted to write fanfic about Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24 by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra

# ¿ Mar 21, 2017 07:00

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# ¿ May 11, 2024 14:21

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

PROMPT

# ¿ Mar 28, 2017 04:51

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

In. Give me a song.

# ¿ Mar 30, 2017 04:57

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

to submit by midnight PST tonight

# ¿ Mar 30, 2017 05:16

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

https://thunderdome.cc/?story=5605

Djeser fucked around with this message at 21:22 on Dec 28, 2017

# ¿ Mar 30, 2017 07:46

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

In with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, hey buddy how's it been

# ¿ Apr 5, 2017 09:48

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

tsps (tardy submission penitent submission)

Djeser fucked around with this message at 07:05 on Apr 20, 2017

# ¿ Apr 10, 2017 08:48

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

In

Pitch: Inform-All-Human-Races-Of-SODIUM-Chloride-Conspiracy-To-Keep-All-Human-Races-Blinded-To-Reptilian-TRUTHS-And-Continued-Enslavement-By-Arachnid-Politicians-For-My-Entire-Sixteen-YEARS-OF-LIFE

# ¿ Apr 10, 2017 20:35

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

to be fair it's better to expect TDers not to read and be pleasantly surprised

# ¿ Apr 11, 2017 21:19

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

https://thunderdome.cc/?story=5642

Djeser fucked around with this message at 21:23 on Dec 28, 2017

# ¿ Apr 15, 2017 19:25

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

Uranium Phoenix posted:

TY for the crits!

flerp posted:

fjgj

# ¿ Apr 18, 2017 02:09

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

lazy critting!!!

muffin forgot to finish the title by surreptitious

feel like there's a voice to read this in but it's passing over my head and coming out weird. like a kid who's also drinking and talking about hosed up hands. feel like there's something to this but maybe the point is that the something to this is out there and it's one of those metapoints where you do something weird on purpose to be like 'life is weird'. the evening thing didn't make sense to me until i sat on it.

chili's rear end won

this is pretty and sad but i read it like three times and i'm not sure if waldo is pants or a teddy bear or what. i think it's something to do with pants.

jay w frisk goes to the cornerstone creamery

this is cool but the biggest problem is that it's kinda telly. lola mostly just relates what happened to the Weird Cops and then they do some surreal things off camera. there's plot stuff too that feels extra like lola trying to tear the wing down for materials (like do you make that much money off of demolition?) i got weird but i wanted weirder.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2017 03:24

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

Sitting Here posted:

judgment

will happen roughly 5 hours from this posting.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2017 14:58

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

proooooompt wait gently caress

# ¿ Apr 18, 2017 21:38

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

Djeser posted:

proooooompt

# ¿ Apr 19, 2017 00:14

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

Thunderdome Week 245: You Need Satan More Than He Needs You

Your protagonist is literally a demon and/or devil. What is their daily struggle?

All affiliations welcomed.

No more than 1666 words.

Sign ups close Friday 11 PM Pacific, submissions close Sunday 11 PM Pacific

Judges:
Djesifer
???
???

Damned souls:
Mercedes :toxx:

Fleta Mcgurn
Thranguy :toxx:

The Saddest Rhino :toxx:

Jay W. Friks
Radical and BADical! :toxx:

ThirdEmperor :toxx:

Beef Supreme :toxx:

flerp
SkaAndScreenplays
SurreptitiousMuffin :toxx:

Deltasquid
Hawklad
Uranium Phoenix
The Cut of Your Jib
Tyrannosaurus

Djeser fucked around with this message at 06:36 on Apr 22, 2017

# ¿ Apr 19, 2017 01:49

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

Also I'll give your character a goal if you toxx.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2017 02:10

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

Mercedes posted:

in. flash me for dat

Your protagonist is trying to improve (or "improve") a concert.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2017 02:33

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

Thranguy posted:

In, , flash.

Your protagonist is trying to get out of some legal trouble.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2017 03:00

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

The Saddest Rhino posted:

k. flash

Trying to ruin a garden. Better see a toxx too.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2017 04:12

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

Warning: Please specify if you want a goal. If you don't, I'm just going to assume you're toxxing because you're garbage kindergarteners.

Also, clarification: these aren't flash rules, I don't actually care if you follow them.

BeefSupreme posted:

in me a goal

Their goal: temptation. Their issue: it's someone they have history with.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2017 06:18

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

Radical and BADical! posted:

by that I meant IN and GOAL plz

Your protagonist is stuck in the boonies and trying to make it out.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2017 17:23

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

Just about one hour left for signups.

As a courtesy to the idiots who toxxed, submissions close at 11 PM Pacific. That means 2 AM Eastern, 6 AM GMT, and 6 PM Kiwi Time.

# ¿ Apr 22, 2017 05:59

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

no rules just ~~right~~ write thunderdome

(write the story)

Djeser fucked around with this message at 23:57 on Apr 22, 2017

# ¿ Apr 22, 2017 23:47

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

Mercedes posted:

Thranguy posted:

Radical and BADical! posted:

ThirdEmperor posted:

BeefSupreme posted:

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

This is your final reminder that you have four hours fourty-five minutes before stories are due at 11 PM PST.

# ¿ Apr 24, 2017 02:15

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

That's the End of Days, folks.

# ¿ Apr 24, 2017 07:00

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

Thunderdome Week 246 Results: The Red Skin's Just Sunburn, I Swear

I dunno what I was expecting but you guys wrote a whole bunch of samey mush. At two points in deliberations judges forgot what the story they were talking about was actually, you know, about.

There is a risk to being memorable, though.

Radical and BADical! was a contender for the loss just for those ellipses and ALL CAPS, and then there was some real gratuitous violence, and a lot of words spent on Hellmouths that I cared less about than I did about everyone else's tedious worldbuilding. Congrats on the new avatar.

ThirdEmperor wrote demons having teenage hijinks that used the time-honored TD tradition of ending with senseless destruction, but in doing so stumbled over a well-realized friendship between two people who might not like each other, but seem to need each other. The Original Loser is this week's honorable mention.

Thranguy's story is kind of sloppy, has at least two awkward shifts in perspective, and a priest who wanders in without much explanation, but as it turns out, we all had vaguely fond memories of the lesbian toilet demon's telepathic asides, so as the official Least Bad Story, The Rebel's Part is this week's winner.

# ¿ Apr 24, 2017 07:30

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

get off my dick it's week whatever demons crits

saddest rhino - chomp
one of two demon dog stories. a lot of worldbuilding at the top that i ended up not caring much about because the whole actual thing is that this dude has to corrupt a dog or he's stuck as a dog and he can't do it because the dog leaves. the idea that satan's varying characterization is because he's a moody gently caress is neat and that's mostly it. nice cameo from the dog from Up

jay w friks - decedemon blah blah revolution isn't even in latin
probly my favorite of the stuff of yours i've read so far and i wasn't yet burned out on the "actually, hell is good" stuff yet. there's a cool wayne barlow (look him up) character to the idea of using these calcified souls as decorations and stuff. the plot is kinda average for this week but using his death to end another's suffering is a good ending touch that was memorable

rad/bad - the devil fell down in georgia
why is her name always in all caps? if it's meant to be some kinda demonic tone then why is her nickname in bold at one point and why does it show up in the prose outside of the dialogue? it's kinda inconsistent and looks like i'm reading legend of zelda where they put the important things in all caps and blue. also the ellipses. dear lord the ellipses. they're not fun to read, they're a grating repetition of the idea that "hey she's tired cause she was in a car crash". look at this

quote:

There's other...ways to get...home...for one such...as me.

no don't do this

also so this story had rape in it, which is fine, stories have rape in them, but you haven't really built up the emotional pathos to drop that on us and the fact that he's moaning as he does it is i guess kinda grindhouse but also kinda unpleasant. and then it mostly just concludes with violence. and then the promise of more violence without even the justification of having just been raped

aside from the weird caps and the ellipses the prose isn't bad so i think you just flubbed the tone here. this wasn't one of those "oh my god how did you do that" losses, it just had slightly enough negative things that all the judges remembered it

fleta mcgurn - the beatification of saint zaara
i had to remind myself what this was and it hasn't been 24 hours since i read it. anyway this was decent, i like demons going through a crisis of faith, i like the factions, but i think the characters are fairly bland and the ending is just like "you were wrong" "oh whoops kill me" "kk" i guess it didn't have any emotional heft, it felt like he was blandly surprised and then accepted fate

deltasquid - acedia
also had to remind myself which one this was. again it's not bad but it's just the characters are kind of bland cutouts and lilith feels like someone who'd be doing more than trying to get in software programmer's pants. it was a reasonably amusing variant on the samey soup that was this week.

mercedes - i do not fall
hey, it was memorable at least. i figured you'd do this given the idea i gave you and it was pretty fun. on reconisderation i probably should have hmed this because it was dumb and goofy in a good way that rose out of devil oatmeal long enough to give me some hope that other people might do something slightly interesting. whoops that's my bad

thranguy - the rebel's part
i got real tripped up on the first transition from third person to first, and where it goes from first person narrative to a dialogue i'd put each line in parentheses even though it's all in one group because it seemed to me like the first paranthesis was just lost in space. one of the other judges said that her relationship felt a little too "nuh uh i don't love her" but i think you were going for more of a "well if you want to call it that then fine" thing and i'm fine with that. it was interesting and the worldbuilding wasn't as mind-numbing as everyone else's

tyrannosaurus - sixty-six percent
it's well written but it is also jesus sitting in a restaurant and ordering some food to make sure he'll get some good drinks later on. the worldbuilding was interesting in parts, i liked the weird names the demons had because they felt oddly primeval in a way, like they were named for things that had just been created or whatever. it's a believable interaction but at the end of it we're at the same place we started

thirdemperor - the original loser
i like that this isn't about The Struggle or Hell Is Good, it's just demons doing demon stuff. and i like that we're seeing this guy from this other guy's perspective, so we're not just learning about lucifer, we're learning about their relationship. and i like the fact that beelzebub doesn't seem to think lucifer is a good guy but they're friends anyway. it's complicated in a real way and that's cool

surreptitiousmuffin - ock
ock

the cut of your jib - death do us part
this was also a pretty good one, above average for the week at very least. my biggest gripe is that a lot of it just seems to kind of happen--whoops he gets stuck, whoops he can't do the things he thinks he can. the ending is real good and poignant and all that. probably would have hmed if i wasn't grump central on judge night

uranium phoenix - convert
oh no it's god is actually bad again! it does come off as kinda manipulative sure but without any other voice but his i have to kind of assume he's credible until i'm given reason not to. it's kinda short and really just someone explaining worldbuilding and by this point i was tired of hearing about how actually heaven sucks

beefsupreme - angels in the outfield
this wasn't bad it just got all muddled up in things like acedia where it's chill convos about doing evil/good. there actually are stakes though and something happens and someone makes a choice, so you pull ahead of acedia's kinda mushy plot, good job

# ¿ Apr 25, 2017 06:06

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

# ¿ Apr 25, 2017 19:22

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

https://thunderdome.cc/?story=5678

Djeser fucked around with this message at 21:21 on Dec 28, 2017

# ¿ May 1, 2017 07:58

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

Sitting Here posted:

I call blood steward

# ¿ May 1, 2017 21:16

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

Thunderdome Week 84 Redemption- Touched by an Angel
Summa (264 words)

It is a beautiful equation, your life. There are others who are scatter plots, for whom we can only draw trends, but you, ah. I worked on you myself. Which makes me, in three-dimensional terms, your guardian angel.

Here, in May 1997, you fell into a stream while camping. Your parents fished you out and you sat, blue-lipped and heavy with water, in front of a campfire. I wasn't there to save you. It was your parents, who loved you.

Perpendicularity takes on a particular meaning in three-dimensional space. You can touch a right angle. You can hold it in your hand or bump your head on it or put it on the ground. But can you touch the right angle between space and time?

Here, in July 2007, you had to read Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead. You were sixteen, and smart, and didn't have many friends. You were the perfect age to absorb its message. And you read it, and you hated it. You hated it.

I know that if I talked to you, if I told you I have seen the plot of your life and I have taken its integral and its derivative, you might ask where it is meant to end. But where does an equation end? Does it matter where you stop drawing the line?

In three-dimensional space, they think a guardian angel intercedes to help, but that is a fundamentally non-perpendicular thought. We cannot, and we would not. We chart the equation, fix the constants, and let the line of your life sing all others a little brighter.

# ¿ May 2, 2017 09:10