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Soulex posted:*checks to make sure ringer is on so people can hear my custom text tones* *In formation* PICK UP THE PHONE SOLDIER!!!!
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Jan 9, 2017 17:10
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*Takes smoke break* *Takes twenty more in order to sham out*
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Jan 9, 2017 17:41
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Pesticide20 posted:*Takes smoke break* how long has someone managed to stay in a smoke pit without getting caught 2.5 hours is my best
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Jan 10, 2017 06:31
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Anyone wanna get married
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Jan 10, 2017 14:49
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Hey clean the loving laundry room idgaf if every company in the battalion uses it if they won't clean it WE SURE AS gently caress WILL and btw when you are done police call the cigarette butts out of the battalion parking lot hooah? SURPRISE ROOM INSPECTION!!! Idgaf that it's 0430 and you ~*clean before pt*~ your room should be GI'd 24/7 hooah????
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Jan 10, 2017 14:52
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Nostalgia4Butts posted:how long has someone managed to stay in a smoke pit without getting caught About three hours for me but that involved my PSG hanging out smoking with me and trying to avoid the CSM so 
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Jan 10, 2017 15:25
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TBeats posted:Anyone wanna get married How many years you got left cuz I need me at least 4 years of Tricare
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Jan 10, 2017 15:35
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TBeats posted:Anyone wanna get married will they cover my braces, fake tits, and visa?
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Jan 10, 2017 16:09
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Surprise ! Health and welfare inspection with MP's and K9's
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Jan 10, 2017 16:35
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Syrian Lannister posted:Surprise ! Health and welfare inspection with MP's and K9's Wait, aren't those guys EOD? 
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Jan 10, 2017 17:46
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A guy on post had somehow constructed a methlab in his room, I think hidden in either the radiator or his dresser.
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Jan 10, 2017 18:32
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Frosted Flake posted:A guy on post had somehow constructed a methlab in his room, I think hidden in either the radiator or his dresser. A guy in tech school was dealing out of his dorm room, hiding them in the heater. Which was fine until they did maintenance on all the heaters to get ready for winter. He had two escorts following him around after that, while they discharged him. Somehow, he slipped away from them, got his keys from the MTL's office, and fled to Mexico. Then his mom turned him in.
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Jan 10, 2017 18:36
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CommieGIR posted:A guy in tech school was dealing out of his dorm room, hiding them in the heater. Which was fine until they did maintenance on all the heaters to get ready for winter. Getting turned in by your mom has to be the worst. I know a guy who went AWOL from Bragg and decided he would stay at the Embassy Suites on Lake Valley Drive, which for those unfamiliar is about five minutes from the gate. His mom told the 1SG where he was as soon as she saw where he was staying on his credit card statement online.
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Jan 10, 2017 19:11
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During my last health and welfare before I got out, MPs and command found six handguns a shotgun, and pot. E not my room
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Jan 10, 2017 20:09
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Just lol if during a battalion level health and welfare there isn't a room found with two women, a cat, and some coke
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Jan 10, 2017 20:15
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If someone didn't plant a 20" dildo under someone's mattress or goat the PSG when he opened the door to their room during health and welfare, your unit's loving up
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Jan 10, 2017 21:07
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MI dude 1: Never showered and slept nude believed he was dragon-kin MI dude 2: Stripper in bed
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Jan 10, 2017 21:17
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When I was a TL my soldier got busted with like a half ounce of spice during a health and welfare. I went on a detail with his roommate several hours before pt started and we got wind of it while we were gone. His roommate had a cigarette butt cup in his room. I had live ammo in my room that I didn't unload after a range one day. On the way back from the detail that I was in charge of we decided to stop at the barracks and he would trash the cigarette butts and I would stash the live ammo. When I went into my room my roommate (who was in a different company) had left his pistol on the bed. I stashed my mags and his pistol on his closet and closed and locked his bedroom door. On the way back to the company my squad leader was right outside the barracks and caught both of us, so we obviously looked guilty of something. Dude that stashed the butt tray took a piss so his toilet was still running when they quickly went into his room. I got fired from my TL spot and got put on the SAW. Went out with the other dude and drank myself to oblivion. I poo poo my pants at the bar and threw up in my sock drawer that night. Then I had to get up at 0430 to go back on that detail the next day. A month later I tried out for battalion scouts to get out of that shithole platoon. Fuckin LOVED IT. The army finally ruled. I could do 20 years of that poo poo. Got orders to Korea a couple months later.
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Jan 10, 2017 21:30
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TBeats posted:When I was a TL my soldier got busted with like a half ounce of spice during a health and welfare. Why would your SL be pissed? I usually give my dudes a heads up via text as I'm getting briefed this during the SL meetings to run back to their barracks and clear that poo poo out of anything that'll have me doing paperwork.
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Jan 11, 2017 02:09
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My CoB did a 'surprise' inspection on my barracks room 2 days before I went on terminal. I was doing legal paperwork crap so I was still in bed...with my girlfriend when he came in. He looked around a bit then when and looked behind the room divider to the beds and saw her nude in bed. "And be sure to clean up this mess back here". Aye CoB.
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Jan 11, 2017 02:13
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I had weed in my room during a k9 walkthrough. Less than a quarter ounce in one of those tightly sealing tin cans, buried at the bottom of my duffel bag. I had smoked in my room a few times because I was retarded. I was positively sure I was loving busted when they started coming out and CSM was talking about what all they found. They started calling off room numbers but never called mine. I'm fairly sure I looked like I poo poo myself for most of that morning though. I also got searched at the gate late one night with probably an eighth wrapped up in a few bags and stuffed in the bottom of a backpack. Picked the gate thinking there would be less of a chance of hitting a random dog, failed miserably. Dog sniffed out the car and missed the weed entirely. He was a very good dogge. Very chill. And there was an nco claiming I smoked her out once when I had no idea she smoked. She skipped a piss party formation (trump party?) and tried going down swinging, but whiffed marvelously. I passed that drug test because a secret squirrel would tell me when they were coming in exchange for beer. I was reaching for the sun but never got burned.
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Jan 13, 2017 07:44
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Not all K9 dogs are drug dogs and our K9 unit absolutely did not care if they used a drug or bomb dog to search gates and rooms.
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Jan 16, 2017 06:32
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Yeah, I realized that well after that fact. Pot is so easily distinguishable though that I'd have thought it would be a stepping stone on most scent training programs. The poo poo sticks to everything it touches, smoke resin and all. Not every training unit is going to have scent kits for drugs or explosives because that poo poo is HILARIOUSLY expensive.
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Jan 16, 2017 07:00
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drugs are ok to have in the barracks but god help you if you have bombs i swear to godTBeats posted:When I was a TL my soldier got busted with like a half ounce of spice during a health and welfare. You sound like a guy I used to know, he got in trouble but once he went to scouts he was doing cool poo poo like sniper ranges from hovering blackhawks. Bragg?
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Jan 16, 2017 10:46
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I wanna rig someone's room during an inspection so when the first sergeant comes in a pair of dildoes come down and plugs him right in the ears, like the Ewoks did with logs to that AT-ST in Return of the Jedi
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Jan 21, 2017 03:56
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There's a few pictures I have on my laptop of poo poo we did in my company while bored, like spelling out "Top" in maxipads on first sergeant's door. Bombing people's tiny rear end living spaces with hundreds of tampons. Crucifying stuffed animals. A condom, filled with a tube of generic automotive silicone and left to bake in a shipping container for a month of summer Iraq heat before being accidentally excavated during an inventory and passed around like a game of hot potato for weeks, eventually disappearing into the Iraqi night when it caught the forehead of a sleeping sergeant who threw a serious hissy fit over the whole incident. It smelled terrible though. If you were within ten feet of the drat thing, it would plow through your nostrils like Sherman through Georgia. Why do people send cases of feminine hygiene products to units that are at least 10:1 dicks:chicks? The absurd amount of them is why our hijinks oftdn included them. CRUSTY MINGE fucked around with this message at 07:07 on Jan 21, 2017 |
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Jan 21, 2017 07:03
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LITERALLY SHAKING posted:
churchmoms
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Jan 21, 2017 07:19
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Tampons go in bloody holes.
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Jan 21, 2017 07:35
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Old school paramedic trick too
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Jan 21, 2017 07:45
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Syrian Lannister posted:Old school paramedic trick too yeah i had a couple boxes in my pack fit right in to shrapnel wounds
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Jan 21, 2017 07:45
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LITERALLY SHAKING posted:Why do people send cases of feminine hygiene products to units that are at least 10:1 dicks:chicks? The absurd amount of them is why our hijinks oftdn included them.
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Jan 21, 2017 09:18
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Ahh. That makes sense then. Most "any soldier" packages my unit got were filled with those Brach's candies and baby wipes.
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Jan 21, 2017 16:49
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Hey, I need someone to watch my stripper girlfriend's 2 year old while we get hammered and gently caress.
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Jan 24, 2017 19:05
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Nostalgia4Murder posted:Hey, I need someone to watch my stripper girlfriend's 2 year old while we get hammered and gently caress. Isn't that what children's television is for?
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Jan 24, 2017 20:39
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Mr. Nice! posted:Isn't that what children's television is for? That's what Nyquil is for. BTW since I'm the "cool" officer I'm here to tell you about the "surprise" health and welfare tomorrow morning hint hint. Also don't pee when you wake up, I have poo poo to do tomorrow.
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Jan 24, 2017 20:54
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EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:That's what Nyquil is for. BTW since I'm the "cool" officer I'm here to tell you about the "surprise" health and welfare tomorrow morning hint hint. Also don't pee when you wake up, I have poo poo to do tomorrow. I'll hold my poo poo and cross my fingers that you're my pee pee watcher
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Jan 24, 2017 20:55
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EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:I'm the "cool" officer Lol keep telling yourself that big guy.
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Jan 24, 2017 21:04
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No the "cool" officer is the O-3 who went to weekly raves in Seattle and dealt ecstasy on the side. Or at least that's what I heard on the grapevine.
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Jan 24, 2017 21:43
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The "cool" officer is the one who fucks off and doesn't bother us.
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Jan 26, 2017 02:45
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The only cool officers are warrant officers, especially CW3 through 5, since that's where the mathematically plotted curve of fucks given asymptotically approaches zero.
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Jan 26, 2017 18:21
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