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Straw Poll: Alt-Centre Leader
Hillary Clinton wearing a fake mustache, Senator from New York
Rall Reagore, freakish hybrid Vice Governor of Calisee
The game theory guy, Senator from Twitter
Jim Webb, Scourge of Vietnam
The 'Donald Drumpf' bit, segment from HBO
Communist Pepe, Meme from the left-wing version of /pol/
View Results
 
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Fidel Cuckstro
Jul 2, 2007

Fight fake news by forming a task force to report in to the ODNI and make recommendations on strategies to counter anti-facts, composed of Mark Zuckerberg, Ezra Klein, and...A DANG MINION?

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The X-man cometh
Nov 1, 2009
Free college, but only if you get a STEM job right away. (No academics, only employees, please)

ate shit on live tv
Feb 15, 2004

by Azathoth
Taxes punish successful businessmen, but we need taxes to fund the government. Therefore if you don't own a business, you have to pay the "free-loader" tax. Otherwise you don't have to pay any taxes.

Fidel Cuckstro
Jul 2, 2007

Replace federal funding for Amtrak (aside from the Acela express) with vouchers to people who want to be launched cross-country on Uber's new national slingshot.

Karl Barks
Jan 21, 1981

sady doyle is an intellectual powerhouse

Fidel Cuckstro
Jul 2, 2007

Lobby hard for some freakin black Minions already!

Karl Barks
Jan 21, 1981

dudebros are the greatest threat to american political life

Yossarian-22
Oct 26, 2014

Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!

Crowsbeak
Oct 9, 2012

by Azathoth
Lipstick Apathy

Fidel Cuckstro posted:

Lobby hard for some freakin black Minions already!

I think we need some openly gay minions first.

Fidel Cuckstro
Jul 2, 2007

Crowsbeak posted:

I think we need some openly gay minions first.

drat it, I promise to do better. I'm sorry.

Fallen Hamprince
Nov 12, 2016

Yossarian-22 posted:

Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!

Abortions are legal and fully paid for with federal funding but the remains of the embryo must be buried with a full funeral at the woman's expense with a miniature american flag draped over the coffin

Fidel Cuckstro
Jul 2, 2007

drone pilots must attend more sensitivity training

jBrereton
May 30, 2013
Grimey Drawer
Fake news but about incredibly boring pedantic stuff.

Like I dunno maybe James Mattis got 1 grade less of stars than he claims or somethin.g

Victory Position
Mar 16, 2004

Marine subsidies to pay hard-working tugboat crews to drag shattered pieces of the Arctic shelf back to Los Angeles for the water harvest

jBrereton
May 30, 2013
Grimey Drawer
Take the "watch this" meme but reverse it for technocratic policy decisions that steadily ebb away the rights of the worker. Like luminous trump wall "how many levels of irony are you on right now" "I don't know maybe 5 or 6" "that's too many, watch this" :TTIP: idk

Fallen Hamprince
Nov 12, 2016

Massive free trade deals with Cuba, Venezuela and North Korea

All citizens required to have a framed portrait of John Maynard Keynes in their homes.

All soldiers provided with weekly weed ration.

Fallen Hamprince
Nov 12, 2016

Crowsbeak posted:

I think we need some openly gay minions first.

Gay black minions featured in textbooks illustrations as evidence against the theory of evolution.

UV_Catastrophe
Dec 29, 2008

Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are,

"It might have been."
Pillbug
Progressive taxation will be eliminated in favor of a flat tax, but people with yearly income under $20,000 will be given a GMI in the form of several generous gift cards for JC Penny.

UV_Catastrophe
Dec 29, 2008

Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are,

"It might have been."
Pillbug
The ACA, Medicare, and Medicaid will all be abolished, but a new government jobs program will guarantee employment at a health insurance company for every able-bodied American worker who wants it.

UV_Catastrophe
Dec 29, 2008

Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are,

"It might have been."
Pillbug
All politicians will be chained by the ankle to a member of the opposition party at all times in order to encourage bipartisanship.



Joe Lieberman added to Mt. Rushmore.

Fallen Hamprince
Nov 12, 2016

UV_Catastrophe posted:

All politicians will be chained by the ankle to a member of the opposition party at all times in order to encourage bipartisanship.



Joe Lieberman added to Mt. Rushmore.

Joe Lieberman's face to be dynamited off of Mount Rushmore and his entire family shot after loosing an internal political struggle with Cuomo over a difference in opinion on the corn subsidy.

Grondoth
Feb 18, 2011

Fallen Hamprince posted:

Joe Lieberman's face to be dynamited off of Mount Rushmore and his entire family shot after loosing an internal political struggle with Cuomo over a difference in opinion on the corn subsidy.

Cuomo must resign in disgrace after the contracts for the killing were illegally distributed to donors and friends.

Dicky B
Mar 23, 2004

send white africans back to africa

GlyphGryph
Jun 23, 2013

Down came the glitches and burned us in ditches and we slept after eating our dead.
Lets provide free childcare for needy families but we a) do it as tax credits, so we dont accidently benefit those who arent contributing enough to society and b) require both parents to be actively working, so we dont accidentally help, like, the ill or something.

I think thats an effective centrist policy we can all get behind

GlyphGryph
Jun 23, 2013

Down came the glitches and burned us in ditches and we slept after eating our dead.
Wait I hosed up thats just normal centrist policy. Lets go a bit further and actually require people to PAY a tax per child unless they are paying for daycare for that child. Really help drive economic activity.

ate shit on live tv
Feb 15, 2004

by Azathoth

UV_Catastrophe posted:

Joe Lieberman added to Mt. Rushmore.

:lol:

Also Service Guarantees Citizenship.

Darkman Fanpage
Jul 4, 2012

GlyphGryph posted:

Wait I hosed up thats just normal centrist policy. Lets go a bit further and actually require people to PAY a tax per child unless they are paying for daycare for that child. Really help drive economic activity.

needs more drug tests

Darkman Fanpage
Jul 4, 2012

ate poo poo on live tv posted:

:lol:

Also Service Guarantees Citizenship.

*unless they're mexican

Scrub-Niggurath
Nov 27, 2007

President Michael Bloomberg

Fidel Cuckstro
Jul 2, 2007

Scrub-Niggurath posted:

President Michael Bloomberg

a tax on sodas, unless it's imported from another country because tariffs are more evil than sugar drinks.

MizPiz
May 29, 2013

by Athanatos

Fidel Cuckstro posted:

a tax on sodas, unless it's imported from another country because tariffs are more evil than sugar drinks.

Excuse me, they use real sugar, so they aren't as bad for you.

Fallen Hamprince
Nov 12, 2016

revolutionary activity will be funded by scalping tickets to broadway musicals

The X-man cometh
Nov 1, 2009
Is there a mascot yet? Jojo the critically endangered sea turtle?

UV_Catastrophe
Dec 29, 2008

Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are,

"It might have been."
Pillbug
Public education will be privatized in favor of charter schools.

Children from working class families can earn 25% off tuition by agreeing to wear school uniforms covered with NASCAR-esque corporate brand advertisements.

Fallen Hamprince
Nov 12, 2016

UV_Catastrophe posted:

Public education will be privatized in favor of charter schools.

Children from working class families can earn 25% off tuition by agreeing to wear school uniforms covered with NASCAR-esque corporate brand advertisements.

again, this is alt-centrist policies, not 'mainstream republican policies circa 2004'

how about : all schools replaced by vouchers for charter schools, all of which must conform to a federally defined curriculum encourages children to subject their teachers and administrative staff to struggle sessions and teaches that man on turtle sex is an inalienable human right

Anime Schoolgirl
Nov 28, 2002

"racsexism" as a dogwhistle for the word "socialism"

GlyphGryph
Jun 23, 2013

Down came the glitches and burned us in ditches and we slept after eating our dead.
All guns are completely banned for ownership by any individual with criminal motivations, criminal motivations as defined in the law as "any individual whose gross annual income for the previous year is less than $100,000, or who belongs to an at risk statistical group (see Appendix A for a list of at risk statistical groups), unless currently employed by a qualified individual for this purpose". All weapons must be registered in a central database so that any individual who develops said criminal inclinations can have their weapons seized.

Possession is similar, but there's an exception for those who are actively working for and authorized by an individual or group without criminal motivation.

Fallen Hamprince
Nov 12, 2016

all gun manufacturers are to be nationalized in order to supply free of charge to every america man, woman and genderfluid child the fully-automatic firearm that are their God-given right

GlyphGryph
Jun 23, 2013

Down came the glitches and burned us in ditches and we slept after eating our dead.

Fallen Hamprince posted:

all gun manufacturers are to be nationalized in order to supply free of charge to every america man, woman and genderfluid child the fully-automatic firearm that are their God-given right

You're confusing centrism with alt-far leftism. A centrist would never want guns in the hands of poor blacks, no matter how alt.

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Fallen Hamprince
Nov 12, 2016

primary reform: primaries are to be conducted solely by caucuses but only superdelegates may caucus

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