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Hey guys... I wonder if any of you can help. I've posted previously about my boyfriend and his PTSD. He has been in therapy and on medication since the fall, but recently the medication hasn't seemed to be helping much. Also, I should note, he has some pretty bad issues from his childhood that he's just now getting help for. He went away this weekend with a veterans group from his grad school to Washington DC. As a side note, he doesn't do well at all with crowded places, death, etc. because of his PTSD. So, he went to Arlington Cemetery yesterday with the group and had a bad panic attack. He talked to the vets, and after a while of talking they basically told him if he can't get his head on straight, he shouldn't be in a relationship. Not knowing how incredibly supportive the relationship is. I help him make sure he remembers his appointments for medication and therapy, I make sure he remembers to take his medication, I offer my support and love to him always. At any rate, he decided to move out/break up. He says he is still in love with me, how it's not at all easy for him to do this, etc. He's just freaking out in general. He was crying when I asked if he still loved me. He said this whole thing wasn't planned. He said that the vets understand in a way no one else ever could. I told him I respect and accept his decision to leave and to have some time alone. I also told him that I'm always going to be here for him, and he can't push me away like he's pushed everyone else away in his life. He was crying. We have a great relationship. We have problems like any other couple, but we work through them. Most of the problems are due to his anxiety, PTSD, etc. but I'm more than understanding and actively try to support him. He didn't even seem like he wanted to break up, but like he feels like he needs to. His family is all in shock and saying he is having a meltdown. I don't know if I should let him come to me, or if I should reach out in a few days. I'm honestly worried he's going to hurt himself. On top of worrying about him, my heart is broken. I don't know if you guys, as vets, can maybe shed some light on what's going on with him. And if you'd rather I post this someplace else, please let me know.
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Mar 20, 2017 22:02
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| # ¿ May 2, 2024 19:50 |
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Thank you for your honesty. I wish I could know what it's like to go through what you all go through. I know that you can never know until you've been there yourself. Maybe it would help me process this better. As far as running away, that may be the smart thing to do. I'm too much in love and worried about him to run, though. I'll probably regret this. I'm leaving him alone for now. I'm going to text him in a week or so to let him know I'm here for him and love him.
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Mar 21, 2017 14:54
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Yes I understand. Your response and everyone else's are exactly why I reached out here. For your perspective. Yes I do feel somewhat responsible for him. He is a good man who's just completely hosed up. He's never been lovely to me. He always has been there for me. That's why this hurts that much more. While him having a breakdown didn't necessarily come out of nowhere, as he's been struggling for a while, him hurting me came from out of nowhere. I know he needs to be selfish right now, but it was literally the last thing I ever saw coming. His mom called me last night to update me. She said he isn't suicidal, she doesn't think. She said he had a mental break and didn't know what to do but run. She said he mentioned an "argument" we had in February. It wasn't an argument, though. I was a little upset and we talked about it. Basically, he got so wrapped up in his own mind with stuff that he was going through, that he wasn't very present in the relationship. We talked about it and it seemed like we understood each other and were going to work on things on each of our ends. I would be more patient with him and he would try to be more present. Things improved. Apparently in his fragile mental state it was all too much pressure for him. As a side note, I do want to apologize to you guys for saying I wish I knew what you all have been through. That was a stupid thing for me to say. Thank you guys for giving me some perspective on all of this.
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Mar 23, 2017 13:42
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No it's good advice. I also hadn't actually thought about the possibility of the guys he was with being equally as messed up as he is and not giving the best advice. Thank you for helping me understand some things.
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Mar 23, 2017 21:36
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Nostalgia4Butts posted:100% know what this is like, and still dealing with it. I really needed to hear this right now. Thank you. I keep coming back to blaming myself for this. Maybe because it would be easier to deal with? I don't know.
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Mar 24, 2017 12:26
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TBeats posted:It's because of that responsibility thing I mentioned. You're a compassionate person and that's not a bad thing. Thank you. Yeah maybe you're right and that's what it is.
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Mar 24, 2017 13:04
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| # ¿ May 2, 2024 19:50 |
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I received an email from him this morning basically pinning the breakup on me. Told me he felt like he had to walk on eggshells around me and how he's so much better now that he's not here. It's a load of poo poo. I was so ridiculously good to him and I was the one walking on eggshells hoping he'd start to feel better. I know one day he's going to see that for himself. For now, I'm moving on. I don't want to be with someone who blames me for their own problems. Maybe one day he'll get well. Or maybe he'll keep running from his perceived problems and never fix his own issues. I don't know.
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Mar 31, 2017 14:16
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