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I don't know about dreams. Maybe someone here does though. Ever since I got put on meds, I dream. Even when I was in meds that were supposed to suppress dreams (prazosin comes to mind). At first it was like a 9-to-1 ratio of bad dreams to good dreams. People getting blown up. People getting shot. And it happened several times every night. I would go to sleep, get woke up by a dream, go back to sleep and do it again. Only a few times did I wake up clammy and freaking out like what you would consider a stereotypical crazy vet dream like in the movies and on TV. But they were constant. It was like binging a Netflix show every night. But I got used to them. As depressing as this sounds, my nightmares were more like an opportunity to hang out with my pals that didn't make it back (one really good friend in particular). When I got out I stopped all meds after a horrible experience with withdrawal symptoms after the VA sent my refill to an old address. But I started smoking a LOT of weed. When I smoke a lot of weed, it helps with the dreams (but doesn't completely stop them -- more on that in a second). But I was using weed to fight depression. I'm talking like a quarter ounce every day. It was getting bad. So last year around September I stopped and have only smoked a couple times since. Recently the dreams have started up again. Part of me thinks it may be the weed, but I stopped like five months ago and it hasn't been a serious problem until recently. I go through phases. I will dream hard for a few weeks and then I won't dream again for a few months. Then I will dream hard again for a few more weeks. And so on and so on. It's been the cycle for a little under three years now. But recently, they have gotten out of control. I dream about my dog getting murdered, which shakes me to my core and keeps me up for the rest of the night. And the less I sleep, the more I seem to dream, so it's creates a cycle. I have also started yelling in my sleep and flailing my arms at times, which I don't remember ever doing. School is getting to that stressful part of the semester where it seems like the homework is a mile high and I'm overwhelmed with poo poo to do with no end in sight, so stress obviously plays a part in it. My question is, how do I deal with it? The obvious answer is to go to the doctor, which I have an appointment to do in late March (earliest possible appt), but has anyone ever dealt with anything similar? Wow that was a long post. For your reading efforts here is a dogge pic (if you didn't read please don't look at the pic!!!!!) 
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Feb 23, 2017 23:50
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I hit the gym five days a week (six if you count runs on Sunday mornings). It's one of the only things I am able to do and stay clear headed throughout. Saturday is my day off. No matter what I have piled up, Saturday is my day to do absolutely nothing.
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Feb 24, 2017 00:17
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Hi Bloody Cat Farm. I am like your boyfriend. From early 2012 until late 2013 I was dating a girl and hooolllyyyy poo poo was I a piece of poo poo to her. But here's the thing: I absolutely needed her in my life. She was the glue that was holding me together. I put all of my eggs into her basket, so to speak (  ), and relied on her for me to be happy.Now that it is 2017 and I am in a healthier place, I look back on the situation with this analysis: She did not owe me anything (even though I told her I needed her and couldn't picture my life without her and yada yada yada). She should have left me way sooner, even if I was a suicidal mess. At the end of the day, she should have been looking out for her happiness. My PTSD was not a problem that she had to be a part of if she didn't want to (this goes for anyone). My point is this: I feel like you are placing some type of responsibility for his well-being on yourself, even if you don't realize it. You are fighting an uphill battle that is more like climbing a mountain. The only person who can help your boyfriend is your boyfriend, and that will only happen when he accepts help. It is not something that anyone can force on him. I did in-patient for a suicide attempt and you know what? That did jack poo poo, and there really isn't a more forceful way to make me confront what I was going through. In fact, it entrenched me in my "woe is me, i told you fuckers that nobody can help me" mindset that I was stuck in. It was only after I made the conscious effort to accept help that I stopped being a fuckup. I still battle with depression, I still have nightmares (and even had the worst nightmare of my life a few nights ago), I still feel withdrawn from society, and all of that other stuff. But you know what? I have accepted who I am, and have accepted that the only person who has the control to improve my life is me. Nobody else is responsible for me. I'm not saying ignore him or ditch him completely, but if he wants space, trust me it may be the best thing for him, and you have zero responsibilities to him, even if you feel otherwise because of the love you have for him. E: I kind of started rambling in the middle of that but I hope you get what I am trying to say. boop the snoot fucked around with this message at 12:26 on Mar 23, 2017 |
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Mar 23, 2017 12:23
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Bloody Cat Farm posted:I really needed to hear this right now. Thank you. I keep coming back to blaming myself for this. Maybe because it would be easier to deal with? I don't know. It's because of that responsibility thing I mentioned. You're a compassionate person and that's not a bad thing.
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Mar 24, 2017 12:35
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Make goals for yourself dude. Seriously. People would be shocked what achieving goals can do for you. They don't have to be crazy goals like you're gonna have a million dollars by next Tuesday, either. Small goals. Do you ever spend a day on the weekend just laying in bed being miserable? Make it a goal that you will put your shoes on every day before noon. Make it a goal to get to sleep before 11pm one night. Make it a goal to achieve your goal. These may not be specific to you but I'm just trying to give examples. What I've done that has helped me is every single day I will make a list of three goals I want to achieve. And sometimes those goals are like the ones mentioned above, or something as silly as making my bed before 7am. When I scratch those things off my list, I feel like I've accomplished a little bit. What do you want to go to school for, if anything? Let's say it's accounting like me. Make it a goal to study accounting for 20 minutes a day. poo poo like that. We're here for you man. And I know goal setting might seem cheesy, but trust me it works. You'll feel productive and you'll be a little bit busy not thinking about stupid poo poo that gets you depressed for at least a few minutes out of the day.
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May 8, 2017 19:15
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i have had wicked dreams the last few weeks or so. i don't sleep for more than a few hours a night (but holy poo poo is napping during the daytime as easy as ur mom). summer time is rough for me because it was when a bunch of people got dusted in afghanistan. i also stopped smoking weed because i was getting tight in my chest so that might have something to do with it. but yeah summer and the very beginning/end of the year are always anxious/stressful/depressed times for me regardless of what is going on in my life, moreso than normal.
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Jun 29, 2017 00:54
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maybe a dumb joke but you know some commander in some unit somewhere has asked about suicide awareness training before asking anything else when a soldier in their unit killed themselves.
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Sep 4, 2017 01:59
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Soulex posted:In a really hard place right now. My father works for the Division of Forestry (Florida no less) and is a federal first responder to national disasters. He is being sent to Orlando, or is in Orlando already, to brave Irma with thousands of other unfortunate aid workers. My step mother is not able to evacuate but might be OK because they live near the NW Panhandle. If the storm changes, which it might, that could mean a lot of bad things. Mainly the big observation tower for forest fires in the immediate vicinity of their house. I'm with you man. My whole family is in Tampa. I've tried to convince them to get out but they won't/can't. I even offered to pay whatever necessary without needing to be paid back to get some of my family members out because they are too broke to leave, but they won't take me up on the offer. I hope your dad makes it out alright, man. This is some scary poo poo.
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Sep 10, 2017 01:27
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I never had a problem with alcohol. Stupid poo poo would just coincidently happen when I got drunk. So I stopped. I have a beer every now and then but most of the time I crack it open, take a sip and forget about it.
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Sep 12, 2017 21:35
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UP THE BUM NO BABY posted:Yeah, the first thing I do when I feel the panic coming on is start to focus on my breathing with a four count inhale, four count hold, four count exhale, and another four count hold. It's dumb, but I think of it as trying to control my breathing like I would while conducting a stress shoot. Then I add in some mindfulness exercises. But sometimes the anxiety just kicks my rear end and that isn't enough. i do something similar. like if i'm in the library, i'll count the table legs that i can see, or silently say to myself the color of the books on the shelves, or put on headphones to a song i know every word to and mouth the words along with it.
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Mar 10, 2018 18:04
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Soulex posted:THC doesn’t help anxiety. CBD does. You’re already doing a form of meditation. I keep a 50/50 pen with me at school to help with the anxiety. Yeahhhhhh this is pretty key for me. We did this thing in one of my classes about how we handle stress, and I said "Stress usually has to do with my lack of control over a situation so I go home and hang out with my dog because he sits when I tell him to." My biggest personal goal for the last five or so years has been to learn that I can't control everything around me, even if I still try to from time to time. It's why I'm so argumentative on this forum. I overcompensate because I try to make an effort to not let myself act like that in person.
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Mar 10, 2018 18:14
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UP THE BUM NO BABY posted:Yeah, I find it helpful to mentally retrace my steps and properly define what's wrong and what's contributing to the way I feel. I've just been so overwhelmed and emotionally raw lately that it feels harder to keep those systems working for me Are you getting more overwhelmed because of life, or are your old faithfuls just not as effective anymore? I've had to switch my strategy up several times because whatever I was doing just stopped working.
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Mar 10, 2018 18:38
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imposter syndrome is a bitch and i can't wait to graduate and start my job and be around people who are more my age. that's probably been the least enjoyable thing about being in school, even though it's probably been the most relaxing time in my life. and if i have it about something so stupid, don't feel bad about having it for stuff regarding combat, or a lack of combat.
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Mar 10, 2018 19:43
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I’m barely pulling a 3.0 and I can get letters of recommendation from anybody on the faculty at school for anything simply because I took initiative a lot where other students usually don’t. Don’t discount the benefits of showing leadership qualities and responsibility. On the same token, don’t spoon feed your dumbass classmates. Sometimes you just gotta let those fuckers drown.
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Mar 10, 2018 22:11
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Nvm
boop the snoot fucked around with this message at 03:56 on Jul 16, 2018 |
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Jul 16, 2018 03:24
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Yeah. Everything is fine.
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Jul 16, 2018 11:57
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I hate how my mind rabbit holes itself about dumb poo poo. I never rabbit hole good poo poo, only dumb poo poo. I don’t know what the gently caress I was thinking when I said I might give Monty away. What a dumb loving thing to think. I just left for a work trip yesterday. I dropped Monty off at a babysitter’s Saturday. Sleeping in my apartment was rough Saturday night. The silence is deafening, even compared to when Monty is there being silent and asleep. His presence alone adds volume to the room. I can’t explain what I’m trying to say here, but I definitely felt like a part of me got chopped off. I don’t know why it’s been more rough this time, but that rabbit hole thinking has me paranoid. Why am I SO MUCH MORE anxious this time? I’ve fought back tears in a few occasions. Is something going to happen while I’m away? I had a dream last night that he got hit by a car. And it played on a loving loop. I saw it happen several times. I’ve had dreams about deployment, people I know getting shot/blown up. I never have trouble going back to sleep for those dreams. But a dream about my dog getting run over? I might not sleep even tonight because of it. Luckily this is the last trip for work for a while. I volunteered for it because it was important for me to go on a trip to familiarize myself with all parts of this new project I am on. It’s just been a tough couple of days. And I start feeling weird about that. I’m 30 years old and I, figuratively, have an umbilical cord attached to my dog. I cannot function properly without him. It shouldn’t be this way. I should be able to function by myself, but I can’t. And it makes me feel immature and childish. Anyway, I’m done ranting. This was all kind of free flow thought so if it seems scattered and all over the place that’s why. Just wanted to vent.
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Oct 1, 2018 14:44
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Need some advice handling a problematic veteran living in my building. He’s a black dude a little older than me (mid-30s). I believe he served in OEF when the poo poo was still hitting the fan every day. He has MH issues. A resident asked him to wear a mask and he told her to go kill herself. He randomly approached one of the cleaning staff and started telling him he was going to kill him and stuff like that. The dude obviously needs some help. The leasing office here would prefer to just call the cops on him. But a black dude with MH issues having the cops called on him seems like a recipe for disaster in this stupid rear end country. I have considered calling the VA and asking for their advice. He’s on disability so he likely has VA healthcare. I dunno, I just don’t want some dumb poo poo to happen to a veteran because people want to call the cops rather than get him the help he needs.
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Mar 8, 2021 21:47
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I’m just gonna post some personal progress I’ve noticed and probably jinx myself 2020 was all about improving myself. And the biggest thing I did was find a counselor who knows what buttons to press, what to focus on, and how to piss me off and annoy me in ways that are actually constructive (if that makes sense). I have focused a lot on my childhood. Unfortunately I have found myself unable to solve any of my current issues without tracing how I got here. If my life was the alphabet, I’m combing through it to see how I got to Z. And I haven’t been able to see really ANY progress because that’s where my focus has been: why am I like this? I’m not going to say I found out the answer. But I will say that with a lot of intense work, a lot of being annoyed by my counselor, and a lot of introspection, I think I am finally satisfied with the answer of how I got to be who I am (hint: I blamed my dad for a lot but it turns out my mother is incredibly toxic as well!) I’ve also kind of forgiven myself for having the childhood I had. It’s weird that to blame yourself for something you had no control over, but I’ve always carried it as a burden that I was poor and abused growing up. With that said, this is the big deal: I haven’t lost my temper in over a month. I know that might not seem like a big deal, but anger has always been my Achilles heel. Always. It’s why Im lonely. It’s why I don’t have many friends. And it’s why it is hard for me to keep any friends I do have. I’ve had ample opportunity to lose my temper. I’ve been mad. Angry. Irritated. Annoyed. I’ve had things happen that would normally send me nuclear immediately. But I’ve managed to handle myself maturely. A month without losing my temper on anyone is a loving INCREDIBLE feeling to the point where if I give it enough thought it almost makes me cry. I still have work to do on this path of self improvement. If you remember, I really, really started getting serious about this in a March/April of 2019 when I made a long post about how horrible of a person I am and how much work I needed to do on myself. I don’t think I’m a horrible person anymore.
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Apr 13, 2021 23:35
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There was a guy in my apartment building acting erratically towards other residents. I called the suicide hotline for advice. This may be completely unethical* but I got the guy’s contact info from a friend of mine who works in the leasing office (and has first hand knowledge of his erratic behavior as well as his veteran status). I forwarded his contact info to the suicide hotline and they reached out to him. I think it was a positive experience for him because there weren’t any other incidents (he since moved out). *I ignored the ethical implications because he’s a black man acting erratically and the building manager was threatening to call the cops on him.
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May 11, 2021 14:26
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ASAPI posted:Suicide line guys will call a person for you? I didn't know that. That may have prevented some poo poo if I knew this years ago. Like I said, there may be some serious ethical grey areas to the whole situation, but I was desperate to get this dude some help. The suicide hotline (the 8255 number) person said they would contact him so I just kind of took a leap of faith with it. If I got into some legal trouble for violating privacy or something, I would make the same decision again anyway.
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May 11, 2021 15:35
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ASAPI posted:Grey areas aside, this is incredibly useful. I've had some guys in the past that this could have helped (I already had contact info), hopefully I don't need them again, but it is a great tool to have access to. Also just for your full information (as well as to the benefit of the thread maybe): I did not say or even hint he was suicidal when I called. I said that he was acting erratic and having violent outbursts towards other residents, including death threats. And my main concern was getting him help before someone calls the cops on him, because he is a black man in Typing that last sentence just depressed the gently caress out of me.
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May 11, 2021 15:41
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I think one of the worst things about stress and anxiety is when I start acting stressed out and anxious and I’m not aware of it, I project it onto other people. I won’t even comprehend that it’s stress and usually I don’t realize that I’m projecting on to people until its turned into something it doesn’t need to be. It’s like I have to start problems with people just so that I can seize control of the situation because there’s something in my life that isn’t in control but should be. I’m mostly posting here to make this concept “real” and not really for feedback, and to also just kinda get my thoughts down, but I’m sure others can relate.
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May 17, 2021 00:42
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Pine Cone Jones posted:Any advice on getting help with anxiety when the VA doesn't seem to listen? In 2014 I went to VA mental health about anger issues and outbursts and that helped alot, but since having moved twice, neither VA in New Hampshire or Pennsylvania has been worth much. The outpatient VA in Harrisonburg was not providing what I needed w/r/t mental health. I told the main hospital about it and was cleared to see someone outside of the VA. I unfortunately don’t remember who at the main hospital I spoke to though.
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Jul 26, 2021 13:02
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Stop acting like you haven’t survived 100% of your bad days.
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Oct 13, 2021 12:55
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For all my pals in the VA healthcare system who wrote off ever accessing the website sometime before or around 2017 because of how government it can be, they have streamlined a lot since then and logging in was actually a breeze.
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Oct 28, 2021 22:19
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About venting…. I had a bad night Saturday night. It was the first time I have lost control of myself like that in years. It felt like all of the work I had done on myself was getting thrown out the window. I haven’t felt emotions this intense in about a decade. I was throwing it all away again. Everything good in my life. I absolutely went too far. But you know what I did at the height of my manic behavior? I called someone. Something I have never done until I’ve already burned bridges and hit rock bottom. And it helped. I was still stressed. I was still pacing around my apartment all night. I was having conversations with nobody, just to get my emotions out. I didn’t sleep for about 40 hours. But I stopped my destructive skid out of control. Right in its tracks. A bit too late, but gently caress you, I managed to regain control of myself where I’d never been able to before. I fuckin’ rock. Ten years ago, when I was feeling that emotionally intense, I tried to put a bullet in my head. Saturday night I was going through my drawers looking for pen and paper. I looked in my nightstand and didn’t even acknowledge the pistol. I only acknowledged that there wasn’t pen and paper. It was actually a moment where, in the height of everything, I was still able to take a second and realize that I didn’t even notice the pistol after I had closed the drawer and took a few steps. That’s a big loving deal to me. I had to visit the dark side a bit to see it, but goddamn have I gotten better. boop the snoot fucked around with this message at 13:37 on Nov 17, 2021 |
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Nov 17, 2021 13:34
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