Goons in Platoons Get Help Thread 5.0: They will miss you.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > Goons in Platoons Get Help Thread 5.0: They will miss you.

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

colachute posted:

I went home (Tampa) on Sunday. I was supposed to stay until Friday. I lasted until Tuesday before I changed my flight to Wednesday.

While I was there, I realized that I don't have a single positive memory of that place, or of my childhood. Yeah, I scored a touchdown in a football game once. I had my first kiss. But I don't really have any impactful positive memories. Every memory I have is negative. My dad beating my mom and walking out on us. Getting molested. Us being so poor that we would go without lights for a day or two so my mom could get her paycheck. Being so ashamed of the trailer we lived in that I never told anyone where I lived. I never owned anything new until recently (I'm 31); everything was a hand-me-down.

I didn't really have any friends growing up. On Friday nights when everyone would go to the mall, I would bounce from group to group, never really finding one that I fit in with.

I began failing miserably in school. Then we moved away when I was 15. I went back when I was 19 and watched my grandmother waste away until she died. Then I got hooked on pills to the point where joining the army honestly had the added benefit of being a sort-of rehab for me. I tried to commit suicide when I was 25, in 2012. I moved back immediately after the army in 2014 and started losing my mind again.

I've since gotten a lot better as far as my depression goes. I still live with it, but I don't want to hurl myself out of a window anymore.

But I had a revelation when I was in Tampa driving around: I am a bad person.

Not bad in the sense that I do bad or evil things. On the contrary I think I have a lot of good qualities. I am incredibly generous with my time. I can think very quick on my feet when it comes to problem solving. I work hard.

But the qualities I bring to any type of relationship, be it friendship or otherwise, is where I have majorly hosed it up.

It's just a chore to know me. It's a pain in the rear end to be my friend -- probably why I don't have any. I have the inability to accept things and people the way they are. If you are doing something in a way that I don't agree with, I get annoyed, even if what you are doing is perfectly acceptable -- it's not acceptable to me. I want everyone to fall into my same shade of gray. I want relationships to be dictated by my terms, not our terms, and definitely not your terms.

My circle of friends is actually a straight line -- it starts at me and ends at Monty, with nothing in between. I am the reason. I have ruined every relationship I have ever had because I just can't compromise. My logic for why I want to do something a certain way, or why I feel a certain way, always seems 100% sound to me, If that is the case, why should I ever compromise if I am sure that I am 100% right? Maybe this is narcissism? I just need to learn, but I've been the way I am for so long that I honestly don't know how to be different other than just never saying anything, ever.

When I get gassed up, I lose control of myself. At times I will have somewhat of an out of body experience, where I will be watching myself doing or saying something foolish, and I will not be able to intervene. I am lost to the moment and I can't see how my behavior is damaging my relationships with people. In hindsight, I always see how it was damaging, but you can only say "sorry" so many times before you push people away and have no one to say sorry to anymore.

If I draw a map of my life, from birth until now, I can see how I became this way. It's a long line of lovely dominoes that cause me to be such a horrible person to know. Every domino that fell before entrenched me further. It may actually seem reasonable for me to be this way. My life has, by and large, been really loving lovely, and I have reacted accordingly. But I want to change.

I'm not necessarily depressed about this revelation. I can't fix what I don't know needs to be fixed. I'm hoping I will be able to become a better person in light of this.

I dunno, I'm just kind of rambling here.

Dude. You are extremely trusting and yes generous. I had my issues with you but nothing that couldnt be solved with some communication and understanding. I'm still honored that I got to care for Monty while you were getting your legs under your new career. I may not be in your definition of a friend but I'd still answer your call to talk.

And yeah I'm sorry I am a messy dude. I tried but I'm far from perfect.

I'll always be your worse wingman.

# ¿ Mar 22, 2019 05:02

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 16:34

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Good view. Peace.

# ¿ Mar 24, 2019 20:14

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

ElMaligno posted:

Guess who has two thumbs and talked to his doctor about tapering off from anti depressants?

Woo hoo! Let�s go fishing!

# ¿ Mar 26, 2019 19:03

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Sorry about that man...

# ¿ Apr 9, 2019 15:07

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

That�s great to hear Cole.

# ¿ Apr 17, 2019 22:26

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Melthir posted:

So, hometown got loving smashed by a tornado. Hookers parents are fine. But we still haven't heard from a couple of friends. Tonight's gonna be a rough night if people dont return some drat phone calls.

Geezus man I�m so sorry between this and the plane crashes.

# ¿ May 23, 2019 23:48

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

colachute posted:

One of those days. I�m depressed. I spent a lot of time laying in bed last night thinking about life. I�m just not happy. I don�t know what to do to get happy. I asked for more hours at work because, even though I wasn�t happy working the 70-80 weeks a few months ago, at least I was too tired and busy to be depressed.

And boy howdy do I feel like a crybaby after typing that.

Get an assistant for Monty to train up.

# ¿ May 29, 2019 14:09

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

EBB posted:

Welcome, and thank you. , we don't bite

Unless that�s your thing man.

# ¿ Jun 3, 2019 04:32

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

ElMaligno posted:

Last year my dad was diagnosed with Parkinson.
This year he was diagnosed with dementia caused by Parkinson's

Going to depression nap for a while

Hey mags when my dad died suddenly 20 years ago it took me almost 2 years to get my head straight. Talk to people. Do some FaceTime.

# ¿ Jul 2, 2019 19:32

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Nice! No pushback at all?

# ¿ Aug 7, 2019 18:44

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

gently caress dude. That�s fortunate. Hope they nail that bum.

# ¿ Aug 25, 2019 18:09

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Hang in there man it�s almost done.

# ¿ Oct 6, 2019 03:20

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Flying_Crab posted:

Has anyone heard from HCT? Hasn�t posted in a while AFAIK, I miss his posting & hope he�s well.

he's fairly active on the discord. ill pass the love

# ¿ Nov 7, 2019 03:01

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

A Bakers Cousin posted:

Hey gip, been a long time. Anyway a guy I know is a us rep in Florida and is pushing this offensive as gently caress bill.

Please call this man and call him dumb.

https://www.floridadaily.com/brian-mast-hopes-to-cut-down-on-veteran-suicide-with-two-new-proposals/

. I take this oath freely and without purpose of evasion, so help me God.�

Wut

What exactly is the point of this?

# ¿ Feb 29, 2020 13:25

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Woofer posted:

I�ve been controlling my anger so well for the last couple years. This morning I had an anger outburst. I broke a television and damaged a wall. This is the exact thing I�ve been working on, and I feel like I hosed it all up today. This is who I was when I was in the army. This is not who I want to be in 2020.

I�m such a loving failure.

I�m taking the day off to hang with Monty. He didn�t see any of it and I�m glad.

Each day is a new day.

You ain�t a failure. You completed college and started a new career. Give Monty a hug for me.

# ¿ Mar 3, 2020 17:13

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Hey man fish are great. Some pretty heavy stuff your dealing with man.
We are indeed living in strange times.

# ¿ Mar 18, 2020 22:29

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Woofer posted:

taking a break from the forums. probably gonna go join the protesters in DC.

stay safe everyone. godspeed.

Good luck. Make sure Monty has someone to check in on him.

# ¿ Jun 2, 2020 12:27

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Woofer posted:

I'm just gonna kind of vent about 2020 a little bit since we are almost in the last year of the year (no typos in that sentence; i expect december to last as long as january through november did).

I had so many loving plans. I still have tix to a few concerts that I was going to go to. In January and February, I was getting out of my apartment every single weekend, staying out all day taking pictures. I was making friends. I was hanging out with people. I was actually building relationships -- which my life has lacked since 2012. I haven't had friends in a long, long time (mostly by choice at first, but carried by crippling depression, low self esteem, and as a result social anxiety). I even went on the first date I had been on in years. YEARS!!!!!

Last Christmas I was by myself. I made the promise to myself to not spend Christmas 2020 alone. Typing that sentence made me burst into tears. I'm so loving lonely. But for the first time since I tried to kill myself, I was doing something about it. And then the goddamn rug had to get pulled out from under me -- from under all of us. And our dipshit president just made it worse. WE COULD HAVE BEEN FINE BY THE SUMMER AND I COULD'VE DONE EVERYTHING I loving PLANNED TO DO!!!!

I spent Thanksgiving alone and slept for most of the day because of how depressed I was.

I don't want to be lonely for another loving holiday. I don't want to be lonely for another loving holiday. I don't want to be lonely for another loving holiday. I don't want to be lonely for another loving holiday. I don't want to be lonely for another loving holiday. I don't want to be lonely for another loving holiday. I don't want to be lonely for another loving holiday. I don't want to be lonely for another loving holiday. I don't want to be lonely for another loving holiday. I don't want to be lonely for another loving holiday. I don't want to be lonely for another loving holiday. I don't want to be lonely for another loving holiday. I don't want to be lonely for another loving holiday. I don't want to be lonely for another loving holiday. I don't want to be lonely for another loving holiday.

You are not alone in being alone. I spent 2019 New Years Eve alone in a hotel. I spent my birthday in ROM. I extended my stay on my ship so I wouldn't spend the holidays in ROM again.

At least you got Monty. I can't really hug anyone on this dumb ship unless they are leaving. Human or pet contact would be nice.
Hang in there dude. 2021 is right around the corner.

# ¿ Dec 2, 2020 18:22

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

That�s really awful man I�m sorry. He couldn�t have been that old...

# ¿ Feb 21, 2021 12:23

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Jeezus man I�m sorry that�s a lot to take on.

# ¿ Mar 16, 2021 11:10

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

That�s great man. Also it�s been amazing seeing you start a real job and keeping on the track upwards.

# ¿ Apr 13, 2021 23:44

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Had a coworker take his life the day after i signed off him being ready to take a promotion at work. I worked with him for 8-12 hours a day for 6 months and missed or didn�t explore the signs so every loving suicide prevention stand down I get to see his face in my mind and wonder what I could have possibly done differently.

It�s not my fault, I know that, but at least you reached out. Good on you.

# ¿ Jun 23, 2021 22:31

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Bored As gently caress posted:

I loving hate my job. Someone tell me how to get into cyber security. I'm willing to go back to school for it. I have a BS in Business Admin and Marketing and I'm almost finished with a Masters in Homeland Security.

My mental health has been so hosed since my dad died a few months ago, and being in a toxic work environment with sociopaths for leaders isn't helping.

Sorry if this is the wrong thread. I'm struggling here.

You want an escape parachute I�m looking for a printer tech on a gov contract still for 72k in Bremerton WA. Sec+ and ability to get a secret.

# ¿ Sep 26, 2021 19:22

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Leidos just took over the contract for NMCI and had a lot of openings. Even more by next month with the vaccine mandate for vaccine status. I work as a partner/subcontractor with CDW-G but I use to be a prime under the prior NMCI holder Perspecta. Getting in with them is a pipeline for gov work. Literally half our field techs get absorbed by gov positions within the first year.
One thing I like about the pace of gov contracts is it�s much slower. So many loving layers of admin that things simply can�t go fast. I got basically no stress in my position because I can always shift the blame to another level (95% legitly) but when I actually get something done early you look like a hero and it�s unexpected.

Check out the Leidos and CDW site. Get that foot in the door. I just got hired on a reservist who�s working on his bachelors in some cyber network security degree while he wretches on printers during the day on whidbey. CDW was ok with that because they said once he got his degree they�d find a more appropriate position for him in house or on the gov side.

# ¿ Sep 28, 2021 15:34

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

I can�t promise the first job will be a career but I work for a decent company and we are looking for techs and people with clearances. It�s literally just a foot in the door and they seem heavily invested in hiring from within.

I�m not a recruiter just felt in the same place as some of you guys very recently.

# ¿ May 2, 2022 22:46

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

iwentdoodie posted:

Nowhere else I can think of to post this but jfc man. hosed up childhood and teens, had to drop out of HS and get a ged so I could work and move out. Went in the navy eventually. Ged was fine. Asvab got me into all the c schools I could want and didn't have to worry.

So finally went to therapist today, got meds without getting threats like at the VA, went to the movies, life is good. Decide to check on finally going back to school, oh hey Texas won't send ged transcripts anymore to anyone but the person who got it. Get email from school, only way I can attend is as a non degree seeking student unless they get an official transcript. Which the state won't send.

So now my only option is to....get a loving ged again or not go to school.

Guess I'm not.

Feels bad, man.

I�m sorry did you go through a big life change?
Can�t they send the GED to you and you can then forward the unopened letter to the college?

# ¿ Aug 4, 2023 00:03

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Mustang posted:

Feeling pretty lovely lately. Got a fancy masters degree from a top 20 program a few months ago and haven't gotten a single interview yet (though many of my fellow graduates haven't either....). Questioning why I even got an MBA sometimes. Program/Product management, tech startups, AI buzzwords, making number go up, are all extremely boring to me. Getting rich is not a life goal of mine. The one thing I would like to do with my MBA one day is run my own business, doing something that adds value to my local community. But I don't have the money to start a company right now, and definitely not while I'm burning through savings while looking for work. At least I still have half of my GI Bill left.

Coming to terms with the fact that I will never again live anywhere near my 3 best friends, and only one of them has ever visited me and that was back in 2017. All of my close friends from the Army have long since moved away from WA. The ones that are still here are mostly of the generic Army veteran type, with generic Army veteran interests and opinions. I like the oddballs and weirdos that go against the grain.

One thing that has made me really happy lately is learning to oil paint, I was very into drawing and painting growing up through high school but stopped when I went to college. Did (and still do) photography in my 20s up to now, but never came anywhere close to scratching the same creative itch. I have so much free time right now I'm looking into taking other art classes. Feel like I'm reconnecting with a part of myself that I've neglected throughout adulthood. In the past week I've gone through an entire pad of canvas paper and an entire tube of white paint.

Kind of pissed I was raised as a military brat and moved so much growing up. My parents still have that stupid loving "Home is where the Army sends you" picture on their wall. What a lovely loving lifestyle. And when my dad finally retired it was to the cultureless void that is the central Florida suburbs. One of the worst parts of an already lovely state, in the shittiest part of the country.

And then I just feel dumb for feeling this way because two homeless encampments near me were just cleared out by the city, and those people have problems that are 10000x worse than anything I've ever had to deal with.

If you ever want to meet up for a beer and talk about art/whatever we are just a ferry ride away from each other.

Edit: and we did it!

Crab Dad fucked around with this message at 05:29 on Sep 17, 2023

# ¿ Sep 16, 2023 18:52

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Mustang posted:

Dumped for the second time this summer.

Oh goddamn it. Keep ya chin up. When I get back from my work stuff I�d be down for a squid trip.

# ¿ Sep 18, 2023 01:26

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 16:34

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

I trained a coworker on a new job witch got him a decent raise and he killed himself the day before he was suppose to start his new job.
We had spent an intensive 2 weeks together in addition to him being my driver for 6+ months with just the two of us in the vehicle.

It�s not your fault the signs are not always easy to see.

# ¿ Oct 30, 2023 20:01

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