30K Thread Presents: Skullapaloozaa 2017 (Harsh Judgment Zone)

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Traditional Games > 30K Thread Presents: Skullapaloozaa 2017 (Harsh Judgment Zone)

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

Skullapaloozaa 2017 categories and judges :siren:

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quote:

1: Rattle Rank
Issued by Moola (the skeleton king) who will be METICULOUSLY CRITIQUING each entry for total skull number (MOST SKULLS). Rated 1-5 and added to overall score.

2: Composition
Issued by Arch Plague-Fiend Germ who will scrutinize submissions for artistic merit and composition. Rated 1-5 and added to overall score.

3: Artistry
Issued by Grand Remembrancer Zark the Damned who will reviewing each entry for it's use of color, light, and overall technical skill. Rated 1-5 and added to overall score.

4: Grogyness
Issued by Hollismason, Keeper of Gumbo who will be judging the Grogyness, or how well written your fluff is. Rated 1-5 and SUBTRACTED from the overall score.

5: Community vote
Issued by you, the people. Averaged 1-5 and added from the overall score.

Skullapaloozaa 2017 awards :siren:

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Overall Winner
The overall winner of Skullapaloozaa 2017 is Galaspar! He wins a prize that is guaranteed to create salty pools full of tears!

Overall Looser
The overall looser is Thundercloud! Sorry dude! Your fluff was just too good!

The People�s Choice
The winner of the community vote gets banned! Just like real life! The lucky winner is ijyt! See ya later, fuckboy!

Skull Champ 2017
Hixson had the highest skull rank and gets a special skull themed prize! Yee!

Skullapaloozer
Is Panascope! He asked to get banned, but the good people came out to support your. Fear not, for their voices were heard, so instead you're getting banished for a whole month! What a great contest!

Sigmars Judgement
OMG sriracha pudding! did gently caress all! So he gets banned! Pidgin Englishman did half of what he was supposed to! So he gets probated!

Bonely fucked around with this message at 08:22 on Apr 6, 2017

# ¿ Jan 15, 2017 04:15

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 01:07

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

Galaspar posted:

The one bit I'm not used to is "All entries will be private until the end of the contest." Does this mean we'll be submitting pictures by email or other secret means until the very end? Is this to prevent a cranial arms race as we attempt to outdo each other and steal each others inspiration about places you can stick a skull on a future-historical man dolly? Or are you, dear Bonely, simply promising that you won't use our entries for some promotional campaign/unholy offering/pain engine until it's all over?

Beep. Boop. :siren:

Entries are private until end of the contest [sigmar's judgement] and will be collected through email [messenger skull]. Entries are screened [criticized] and some content will be posted [marketed] at appropriate times by staff [self] leading up to the finale. Content is private to encourage creativity [string you along, sucker] and prevent hostile competition [skull race] and will not be used for secret promotional campaigns [Bare Bones Vol 12].

Remember: The loyal servant learns to love the lash [obey]

# ¿ Jan 16, 2017 10:10

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

Beep. Boop. :siren:

Today is the last day to enter into Skullapaloozaa 2017. Entries will no longer be accepted after 12:00pm PST.

Remember: A small mind, like Stanyer89�s, is easily filled with faith [obey]

# ¿ Jan 20, 2017 23:12

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

Beep. Boop. :siren:

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Congratulations to the following posters who are officially part of [on the hook for] Skullapalooza 2017:

Hixson
Pidgin Englishman
Thundercloud
Galaspar
Lord_Hambrose
Hamshot
OMG sriracha pudding!
tallkidwithglasses
adamantium|wang
ijyt
Sulecrist
Safety Factor

This soulless body looks forward to your entries [forums bans]. To get started, please submit your Skullapalooza Vow by midnight PST on Jan 27th [one week from this morning]. This vow must include:

A short description of your project
A photograph showing you have started work on your project. This can be a purchase receipt, WIP, or other such equivalent. It must have a time stamp and your forums name clearly visible
Submissions must be emailed to bonelybot@gmail.com

Good luck- and remember: Seek no reward but the satisfaction of your Master [obey]

# ¿ Jan 22, 2017 03:45

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

Beep. Boop. :siren:

Attention skull contest entrants [poor bastards] and 30k thread regulars [shitposters]. A reminder that you have until midnight Friday to submit your vows to this lifeless body [Bonely, Self]. The following entrants are missing [void, null]:

++Begin List++

Sulecrist
OMG sriracha pudding!
Lord_Hambrose
Hixson
Panascope
Stanyer89

++End List++

Vows later than 12:00pm PST 1.27.2017 will be subject to a dangerous penalty [forums ban] and reported to the nearest commissariat [summarily executed]. Praise be to the omniskullah!

Remember: A shitpost is always better than silence [obey]

# ¿ Jan 27, 2017 08:52

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

Beep. Boop. :siren:

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Greetings cucklings [contest entrants]. It has come to this skulls attention that only two of you have submitted WIPs and met last weeks deadline. Praise be to the omniskullah! In light of this situation [comic failure] I have consulted with Commissar Ettin. We have extended the WIP deadline [granted the emperor's mercy] until Friday. Beware! WIPs are now Sudden Death! The last person to submit their WIP will automatically get banned! How exciting!

WIP are due midnight THIS Friday 3.3.2017 and must be accompanied with a clever name and three sentence background blurb. Submit your WIPs to this lifeless body [Bonely, Self].

Remember: Compromise is akin to treachery [obey]

# ¿ Mar 1, 2017 19:19

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

Beep. Boop. :siren:

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Half of WIPs have been submitted.

Remember: Patience is a bannable offence [obey]

# ¿ Mar 2, 2017 05:18

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

Beep. Boop. :siren:

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Attention forums posters [human animals]. There is an ongoing tie for our sudden death winner [recipient of the Emperor's mercy]. Who are the two lucky [lazy] contestants? Which will submit their WIP and trigger the instant demise of the other?

Only the following people know for sure. Oh the suspense!

Galaspar
OMG sriracha pudding!

Remember: Work earns salvation [obey]

Bonely fucked around with this message at 06:31 on Mar 9, 2017

# ¿ Mar 9, 2017 06:27

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

Beep. Boop. :siren:

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Attention 2017 Skullapalooza contestants [dead hams walking]. You have exactly two days [no time, fuckos] to complete and submit your fully painted entries to staff [bonely, self]. Entries must be submitted through email [messenger skull] to bonelybot@gmail.com. This soulless body looks forward to your high quality [rushed] entries. All participants must submit finished entries, consisting of glamour photograph(s), by March 24th at 24:00 PST. Next week our celebrity judges will issue harsh judgments [forum vacations] and post the results into this thread. Recipients of all awards, including winners, looser, and sudden death victims, will be awarded [given sigmar's judgement] at the same time. How exciting!

Who is the final celebrity judge of Skullapalooza 2017? The answer: it�s you!

The final award category for Skullapalooza is the community vote. The winner receiving the very much prestigious People�s Choice [coolest proletariat] award. As part of next week�s festivities [back stabbing]all registered participants of Skullapalooza will be allowed to cast a single vote for their favorite entry. This Community Vote will be averaged from 1-5 for all entries and added to overall scores to determine the overall winner and overall looser. However, as the Imperial Truth teaches all loyal servants, the most popular citizens are the ones most likely to become enemies of the state [bourgeoisie]. The winner(s) of the People�s Choice award will be praised, immortalized forever, given an appropriate avatar, taken out for a drink, shoved into a trunk, walked into a dirty alley, lined against a cold brick wall, and given the Emperor�s mercy [banned]. Is there a problem, citizen?

A formal list of all the awards is now available on the first page:
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3805534&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1#post468365107

Who will survive and who will become a Skullapaloozer? Find out next week!

Remember: It's not the people who vote that count. It's the people who count the votes [obey]

# ¿ Mar 22, 2017 21:38

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

# ¿ Mar 28, 2017 07:55

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

quote:

Clad in heavily customized prototype Indomitus pattern terminator armor, Chaplain Jegudiel of the Dark Angels is a particularly sinister figure known amongst his brothers for his unrelenting brutality and unshakable resolve in the Great Crusade and all it represents. A poor swordsman and unimpressed by the more standard power mauls issued to many Chaplains, he commissioned the great Forge Lord Cassiel to wed his symbols of office with the destructive power of thunder hammers. Whenever the Dark Angels go to war he is sure to be found in the forefront leading the First Legion's elite and personally smiting the enemies of Humanity one by one, his fiery oratory inspiring those around him.

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# ¿ Mar 28, 2017 07:56

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

quote:

this is a chaplain collecting skulls for his skull armor. He's pooping himself in happiness at having found a particularly good skull. In his right hand he has a terranic greatsword for popping off heads, and in his left hand he has a rare artifact that sandblasts the flesh and armor off of heads to release the precious skull within

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# ¿ Mar 28, 2017 07:57

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

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Caradin Tolon, 144th Centurion, XIV Legiones Astartes

The so-called �Headsman of Barbarus� had already carved out a sinister reputation for himself long before the Great Betrayal. A Barbarussian native, Tolon was born shortly after Mortarion�s arrival and was a member of one of the earliest generations of Astartes to be raised from the world. By this time the influence of the Terran Dusk Raiders was still strong as the Primarch was only just beginning to reshape his legion. Tolon stood apart from his contemporaries by actively seeking tutelage from the older veterans and attempting to incorporate their hard won knowledge and experience into the doctrinal directives laid down by his sire. In doing so he combined the cunning of the warriors of Old Albia with the survivor's brutality of a Barbarussian and won himself the recognition of his commanders in a series of punishing close quarters actions. He rose to command his own demi-century after seven savage years and was promoted to lead his own century a decade later.

The 144th was a more specialised century than most others in the XIV, suited as they were to rapid deployment and assault. Most of the line squads were equipped as jump infantry with a preponderance of bikes and speeders as quick and flexible heavy support platforms. Tolon ran his century to primarily perform dangerous pathfinding and reconnaissance in force tasks and to act as a mobile and responsive reserve force. He and his marines roamed the battlefields of the Crusade and frequently engaged vulnerable targets of opportunity with overwhelming force. What opposition could not be destroyed was lured into the main line of advance, a task greatly assisted by Tolon�s reputation.

During his early service Tolon became enamoured with the ancient Terran doctrine of �total war�. It was his belief that the only morally justifiable way to conduct war was to do so so completely and savagely that the mere thought of resistance would be crushed. He shared fervently his Primarch's belief in the liberation of mankind from slavery, ignorance and tyranny and was convinced in the value of thousands of lives horrifically spent in war if it meant the sparing of millions through rapid capitulation. He took it upon himself to be the manifestation of the �hard hand of war� and committed atrocities more at home in the annals of the XIII than the XIV. Taking of heads as trophies, burning of population centres with flame and phosphex and the execution of prisoners were all common practice in the 144th. Higher command echelons would frequently turn a blind eye to such practises as they produced results that were desired by the legion. The XIV was not a legion that occupied itself with the building and maintenance of worlds.

Tolon�s talents would serve him well during the years of the Betrayal. Like nearly all native born legionnaires he was wholly behind his Primarch in all things and had no qualms with the purging of the Legion at Istvaan, viewing the brothers that would not support Mortarion as traitors to the Death Guard and humanity as a whole. It appears that as the rebellion ground onwards and more and more terrible deeds were required of him Tolon lost his moral grounding completely, justifying every kill and casualty as necessary for the overthrow of the tyrant Emperor. Like many of those fortunate enough to have missed the XIV�s final muster, the Siege of Terra shattered these illusions completely and the full magnitude of what his Legion and his Primarch had done proved too terrible to bear.

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# ¿ Mar 28, 2017 08:00

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

quote:

+++ Furis Soln, Warsmith of the IVth Legion 'Iron Warriors' 91st Grand Company
+++ Overseer to the 8th Company, 1502nd Expeditionary Fleet
+++ Known Aliases - "The Lernaean", "Death's Heads"

Assigned to the rank of Warsmith of the 91st Grand Company late into the Crusade, Soln's command was marred early on by a catastrophic fleet loss during warp travel - losses were estimated at 70-85% leaving the new commander with severely reduced resources and the ire of his superiors. In his anger, the Warsmith relieved the senior Navigator of his head - an impulse that would later turn to habit, and earned Soln the name "Lernaean" among his officers.

The 91st were no longer able to operate effectively, resulting in the forced assignment as a support force to a nearby VIIIth 'Night Lords' Legion fleet. While the majority of the remaining 91st were tasked with bolstering defenses in wake of the Night Lords compliances, the Warsmith took a more active role along with the 8th Company as artillery support for ground forces. It was during these compliances that Warsmith Soln acquired the xenos battleaxe from a fallen champion.

It is rumoured that the decades of exposure to VIIIth Legion leadership encouraged the Warsmith's penchant for beheading, both of his enemies and that of his fellow IVth Legion officers who failed under his command. With the destruction of the fleet still weighing heavily on the Warsmith's mind, the remaining officers of the 91st Grand Company became well trained not only in succeeding at their Warsmith's order's but also at placing blame far from their own shoulders - the empty, mournful skulls draped from hisarmour a constant reminder of the cost failure.

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# ¿ Mar 28, 2017 08:04

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

quote:

Belligerence has served as dedicated transport to Breacher Squad Passerine for almost two decades. "Bully" herself is (somewhat blasphemously) anthropormophised as the flensed head of a particularly stubborn Ullanor war boss, now affectionately maintained as Passerine's luck. To keep her company, the Breachers collect, clean, and bleach heads from other noteworthy kills, that they might chatter and clank along as Bully's ever-changing chorus.

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# ¿ Mar 28, 2017 08:12

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

quote:

Brother Svanhild of the VI Legion was model legionary. He was a fierce warrior on the battlefield, and a fierce lover in the kennel. But he was never satisfied. No matter how many neophytes he initiated; he always wanted more.

One fateful night he began to hear sweet whispering voices in the back of his head. At first he thought it was his astartes physiology playing tricks on his fatigued mind. But they persisted. So he began to listen.

One voice offered him immense unimaginable power. This voice offered him the foresight and cunning to become the head of his legion; and have as many neophytes as he could ever want.

Another voice offered him pleasure through every sensation, enjoyment through pain, and boundless power and subjugation of his brothers and all the neophytes to himself.

Another, offered him salvation from pain, wondrous gifts, and joy in the inevitable entropic heat death of his body. And more neophytes.

But the last voice; the last voice was the most compelling. It offered him incredible strength and combat prowess. he would be granted strength and speed beyond even his father Primarch Russ. But most of all, it promised neophytes and skulls. he would harvest skulls, and have all the neophytes crawling to him in chains. He liked chains. he liked neophytes. All he had to do to claim these gifts was to sacrifice his body to this wonderful voice. To...Khorne.

He had to do it right. A bolt to the head? No, too mundane. Throw himself out an airlock? No. Fall in front of his squads Rhino? No. He would incinerate himself underneath his squads kharybdis on take off.

As he through himself under the takeoff thrusters of the drop pod. His ceramite warplate melted away in moments. Then his flesh. The last thoughts that flashed through Brother Svanhild's brain as the heat overwhelmed him was clouded with pain. And neophytes.

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:siren:

WATCH THIS BEFORE YOU LOOK AT THE SUBMISSION :siren:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5dNUUBtrrk

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# ¿ Mar 28, 2017 08:16

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

quote:

"He came, that god Emperor, and lifted me to this truth. Yet he denies his own power while ordering to waste a glorious city, built of his own essence. This action drives me to anguish, and I fear it may only be quelled if I seek those crimson warriors that knelt in the funeral pyre."

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# ¿ Mar 28, 2017 08:24

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

quote:

It's ancient Varta of the Carcharadons (formerly Ravenguard). Born to the Xeric tribes of the Asiatic dustbowl, at a young age Varta had developed the skills needed by a Xeric warrior, the ability to spot an enemies weakness, and act on it quickly. Once the Yndoniesic Bloc had been conquered by the Thunder Warriors, Varta was amongst the first generation inducted into the XIXth legion. Varta fought to bring the Emperor's enlightened rule to the Jovian moons, purging them of their xenos overlords. Rising to captain, he led his fellow warriors in campaigns alongside the Lunar Wolves in their Compliance wars when the XIXth was led by Arkhas Fal, before the discovery of their Primarch.

When Corvus Corax was discovered, he purged the legion of many of their Xeric traditions, and Varta, along with Arkhas Fal, objected strongly to this. His eventual reward for this was to become part of the 'nomad predation' fleet operating outside the galactic boundary, encompassing regions like the Ghoul Stars, in the forces that would eventually become the Carcharadons.

Varta was interred in a dreadnought after being fatally wounded in the reaving of 6-0-6, freeing another world of Xenos taint. As a dreadnought he has fought in the Pentarchy of Blood and 7th Black Crusade, and relished the Badab War and the opportunity to fight worthy foes.

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# ¿ Mar 28, 2017 08:25

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

quote:

Sometimes you reach into the warp, and sometimes the warp reaches into you. The warp twists what it touches, and the faimed poultry farms of the thousand sons were no exception. Not ones to look a gift chicken in the mouth, the all mounted Lords of the Flock represent the premier scout division of the 15th legion. Frankly, it's probably for the best that Russ came in to clean house.

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Bonely fucked around with this message at 09:07 on Mar 28, 2017

# ¿ Mar 28, 2017 08:27

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

quote:

The Death Guard are famed for their mighty dreadnoughts, but not for their attention to the physical comfort and mental well-being of the occupants. For Sergeant Rastic Praeustus of the Fifth, a steadfast Legion Destroyer in life, encasement in a dreadnought chassis was the start of an unchecked obsession with all things round and bony. However, the bonds of Company and Legion ensured that he was not isolated in his cranial captivation, and his brothers came to delight in gathering the charred skulls of the fallen in Praeustus� wake, then festooning them upon his armoured form.

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:rattle: :rattle:

# ¿ Mar 28, 2017 08:31

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

quote:

Narn�lubat, Uncle of Skulls
Narn�lubat was once a promising captain in the World Eaters Legion but his love of Scrimshaw would be his downfall. His intense skullgreed only grew as his fine carvings became statues, and the statues became elaborate pastoral dioramas carved from the mangled bones of his fallen foes. After one of his works was well received by Angron after the battle of Skulruss IIV, Narn�lubat was reassigned to the Red Butchers to try and teach them a useful trade between battles.

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# ¿ Mar 28, 2017 08:34

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

quote:

"When the Gal Vorbak, then the Serrated Sun chapter of the Word Bearers, entered the Eye of Terror I followed but chose to stay, playing the Great Game of the four chaos gods: through the Moist Squirty fields of Slaanesh's fields, the lugubrious crystaline structures of Tzeentch's Mazes, the chunky gurgling phlegm of Nurgle's Garden, before I stood upon the dusty plains of the Blood God Khorne whereupon I spied the largest and most magnificent skull.
"At once I mounted it up on my shield to the screams of Khorne's displeasure, a puckering geyser squirting blood from the wound in the earth from whence I wrenched it, and immediately the thing possessed my dear wife and, ultimately, me.
"Also, I'm a Felinid."

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# ¿ Mar 28, 2017 08:37

Bonely: Jan 15, 2017; Beep. Boop. Cuckling.

Beep. Boop. :siren:

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Attention all 2017 Skullapalooza contestants. The time has come for you to execute your civic duty [pretend to vote democratically] and select the recipient of Skullapalooza 2017's most prestigious People�s Choice [coolest entry] award. Voting is now open to Skullapalooza participants. Polling will terminate on March 31st at 24:00 PST. To fulfill your duty, simply click the link below. Like any democracy, voting is not mandatory, but anyone who misses the the deadline will receive a very special prize!

While you vote [justify yourself itt] our panel of celebrity judges is in the process of issuing their completely fair [true] and entirely unbiased [even more true] judgements. It is this lifeless body's hope that the lot of you will know your results [begin to be cleansed] early next week. May the ominskulla expedite your conversions into lobotomized servitude.

Remember: When there's a person, there's a problem. When there's no person, there's no problem. [obey]

# ¿ Mar 28, 2017 09:05