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Hug in a Can
Aug 1, 2010

NICE FLAMINGO
kind heart
fierce mind
brave spirit

:h: be good and try hard! :h:

I like to shop on Aliexpress, but I love to laugh at some of the products and their descriptions. Like...



If it always has folca
an important thing
will not forget.


And some of the titles of products are lovely:


sp spank sex toys for woman Long natural rattan toughness Couples flirting Spanking tools sex products adult games flogger whip
spank sex toys for woman!

Sometimes they add keywords to titles when they don't really belong:

(she is not a pokemon!)

And sometimes you just end up with As Seen On TV-level stuff:


I love! AliExpress!

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ChickenHeart
Nov 28, 2007

Take me at your own risk.

Kiss From a Hog

Hug in a Can posted:

And sometimes you just end up with As Seen On TV-level stuff:


I love! AliExpress!

Oh, she's smilin' now, but once that boil from the skin-to-chinese-foam contact begins to fester she'll wish she just took the door handle to the temple, instead.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
Hell yeah now running into this door handle is awesome!

Iron Prince
Aug 28, 2005
Buglord
I recently bought a bunch of shirts off aliexpress with this $50 Visa card I got for Christmas. Looking forward to three weeks from now so I can figure out which ones actually fit.

ChickenHeart
Nov 28, 2007

Take me at your own risk.

Kiss From a Hog
Also Pick jaguars are almost as cool as bats and I always abide by the "420 donate a portion of your income to the WWF erryday" rule, so good on you

Johnny Aztec
Jan 30, 2005

by Hand Knit

luv 2 date boys posted:

I recently bought a bunch of shirts off aliexpress with this $50 Visa card I got for Christmas. Looking forward to three weeks from now so I can figure out which ones actually fit.

That is a great idea. I guess I'll have to go pick one up.
I spent an hour picking out poo poo to buy, only to discover(heh) that they don't take Discover(or Paypal).

I have a little throw away card with like 200-300 limit on it that I use for poo poo like this.

MY PALE GOTH SKIN
Nov 28, 2006


meow
Today's surprise present from November 2016 me is an example of other favorite thing, aside from the prices.




(On mobile can't tell how big it is sorry if super huge)

Shoestrings are sexy lingerie! Lingeries! Maybe the manufacturers think we use super-long shoestrings as butt floss that can be untied sexily. Idk

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

ChickenHeart posted:

Also Pick jaguars are almost as cool as bats and I always abide by the "420 donate a portion of your income to the WWF erryday" rule, so good on you

Thanks, I motivate myself to do things by rewarding myself by donating money to species conservation :).

Pantsless Hero
May 25, 2004

Serv-Bot will kick your ass.
Yes, I am protected.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
please find this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MYSTMg6bu0

Sentient Data
Aug 31, 2011

My molecule scrambler ray will disintegrate your armor with one blow!

MY PALE GOTH SKIN posted:

I reported it to the BBB. Hopefully whoever read that report got a good laugh.

That would actually make for a good thread, we need an insider to pull reports so we can laugh at people with idiotic complaints and people who think the bbb has any kind of authority/teeth whatsoever

Original_Z
Jun 14, 2005
Z so good
This thread could do with some of the absurd pictures they use in the product descriptions. I wonder if in the end all the white people in China end up working for an Aliexpress store sooner or later.

Since everything is in China prices, you can more or less experience what it's like to be a rich person there, just buying whatever you want and not thinking too much about the price. I use their stationary poo poo to make my desk look all nice, you can get some great looking pens, card cases, stationary pads, etc. It looks nice and works so whatever. Also their watch range is pretty impressive, I'm not talking about the fake Rolex poo poo but the domestic brands, especially their mechanical selection. The $30 watches I buy from there always get reactions from people, far more than the "normal" ones I buy for hundreds.

I've thought about buying stuff like clothes or whatever but don't really trust it, especially with sizing. I've wondered what you would get for buying the "expensive" stuff, like if you buy something over $100. I've definitely noticed that you get what you pay for in the site, even a difference of $10 can be a world of quality difference on the cheaper end. Some of the higher-end stuff is probably pretty good quality I would imagine.

Professor Shark
May 22, 2012


numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

luv 2 date boys posted:

I recently bought a bunch of shirts off aliexpress with this $50 Visa card I got for Christmas. Looking forward to three weeks from now so I can figure out which ones actually fit.
also they will give you rashes just a heads up

Sekenr
Dec 12, 2013





Hot drat I ordered 1 of each color! Its High Quanlity!! Neck Men's Baboo Tonic 100% Cotton :neckbeard:

Sekenr fucked around with this message at 11:00 on Jan 19, 2017

Professor Shark
May 22, 2012

Also for the people complaining that AliExpress stuff costs more on eBay, eBay has the advantage of having minimum ship times. If you order something off eBay it has max 4 weeks to get there, and if you pm them with a complaint a day before the deadline you will get your crap for free 100% of the time because small orders are given the lowest priority and the sellers don't argue over $5.

MY PALE GOTH SKIN
Nov 28, 2006


meow

numberoneposter posted:

also they will give you rashes just a heads up

You're supposed to wash most clothing before you wear it. Not just aliexpress stuff.

Professor Shark
May 22, 2012

Yeah, clothing has crap on it that makes it easier to store and resist wrinkling, you should always wash that crap out before wearing

MY PALE GOTH SKIN
Nov 28, 2006


meow
Also why is this $174
https://m.aliexpress.com/s/item/32633003158.html#autostay

Knockoffs are supposed to be cheap

MY PALE GOTH SKIN
Nov 28, 2006


meow

Professor Shark posted:

Yeah, clothing has crap on it that makes it easier to store and resist wrinkling, you should always wash that crap out before wearing

I don't mean nice stuff, I mean everyday stuff made in China or w/e

Scuse me if I wash this magic crap out along with god knows what weird poo poo

Professor Shark
May 22, 2012

You should wash "nice" things too

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

You should be buying your textiles from India anyways.

MY PALE GOTH SKIN
Nov 28, 2006


meow

Professor Shark posted:

You should wash "nice" things too

Well poo poo no wonder my lulumon gear isn't getting the other lulumon clad moms to talk to me

luncheon meat
Oct 11, 2007

Brendan Jones, 42, Bendigo
If they have those vagina pills they should definitely have the wolf sex pills but nope :(

edit: don't search "wolf sex" unless you feel like seeing dog dildos

Snowy
Oct 6, 2010

A man whose blood
Is very snow-broth;
One who never feels
The wanton stings and
Motions of the sense



luncheon meat posted:

If they have those vagina pills they should definitely have the wolf sex pills but nope :(

edit: don't search "wolf sex" unless you feel like seeing dog dildos

Dildos for dogs?

luncheon meat
Oct 11, 2007

Brendan Jones, 42, Bendigo
this is the internet. it's people dildos shaped like doggdix. although idk, maybe a dog might like it

Three-Phase
Aug 5, 2006

by zen death robot
Glad someone posted BigClive links on page one.

Counterfeit USB chargers can practically be death traps. Things like where there are minimum trace clearances between the 120V (240 for weird countries) and the 5V side that are ignored. Plus the output is usually crappy.

well why not
Feb 10, 2009




yeah for USB stuff I'd really recommend spending a bit more and getting something from amazon that's a bit more of a known quanittiy. Anker stuff seems to be cheap and OK quality from my experience.

Professor Shark
May 22, 2012

Three-Phase posted:

Glad someone posted BigClive links on page one.

Counterfeit USB chargers can practically be death traps. Things like where there are minimum trace clearances between the 120V (240 for weird countries) and the 5V side that are ignored. Plus the output is usually crappy.

Your post just reminded me that I was going to PM you with a list of poo poo that was Super Wrong with my house when I got it rewired, I forget now, drat

Chumbawumba4ever97
Dec 31, 2000

by Fluffdaddy

My phone asked for permission to use the camera just by clicking that link I swear to God haha

MY PALE GOTH SKIN
Nov 28, 2006


meow

Uncle at Nintendo posted:

My phone asked for permission to use the camera just by clicking that link I swear to God haha

Mine doesn't ask for any permission, and neither does the aliexpress app, which you should all be using because the prices are cheaper on there as some kind of never ending promo. Did it happen multiple times?

Also the Chinese New Year starts in 9 days and no one does poo poo or gently caress during that, so order stuff now and hope it gets mailed if you want it before March.

Chumbawumba4ever97
Dec 31, 2000

by Fluffdaddy

MY PALE GOTH SKIN posted:

Mine doesn't ask for any permission, and neither does the aliexpress app, which you should all be using because the prices are cheaper on there as some kind of never ending promo. Did it happen multiple times?

Also the Chinese New Year starts in 9 days and no one does poo poo or gently caress during that, so order stuff now and hope it gets mailed if you want it before March.

Yeah any time I click any link to any page on their site it asks for access to my camera lol

Happens over and over. I am using Firefox on Android but it's the only site that ever asked me for access to my camera

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

Three-Phase posted:

Glad someone posted BigClive links on page one.

Counterfeit USB chargers can practically be death traps. Things like where there are minimum trace clearances between the 120V (240 for weird countries) and the 5V side that are ignored. Plus the output is usually crappy.

Yeah, also when electronics are involved, I always flash back to

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

MY PALE GOTH SKIN posted:

Also the Chinese New Year starts in 9 days and no one does poo poo or gently caress during that, so order stuff now and hope it gets mailed if you want it before March.

poo poo, thanks for reminding me!

bird with big dick
Oct 21, 2015

MY PALE GOTH SKIN posted:

dong-shaped chemical weapon

This is too long for a username, isn't it?

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007
Probation
Can't post for 12 hours!
I'm building a collection of cute tea strainers, on the cheap.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
Aw man I was going to post that you're missing the yellow submarine when you only had the first picture up, but there it is hiding in the second one!

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
Stickers are also a great bye, especially if you have kids.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
Look, for under $4 you can get every single lovely sticker you ever bought at one of those dispensers when you were in middle school

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Iron Prince
Aug 28, 2005
Buglord

numberoneposter posted:

also they will give you rashes just a heads up

just as long as they look good while im wearing them. lord knows no one's gonna see me shirtless any time soon so the rashes are a small price to pay.

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