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Lawrence Gilchrist posted:When I was 11 I passed out after trying to pass a 11kg hunk of poo poo. My parents took me to the children's hospital to get a barium enema xray and all I heard afterwards is that I had an underdeveloped digestive system like those neglected kids from Nicolai Ceaucescu's regime's orphanages who were never touched. They tried giving me Metamucil but that just made them bigger. Eventually my parents would give me plastic knives so I could go to the bathroom without giving myself fissures. Jfc man, fiber was tried I guess? A plastic knife was the best tool? Wtc
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Jan 23, 2017 23:37
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Willias posted:in grown toenail surgery I had this once but it ruled. They stuck a long loving needle in to my big toe for local anasthetic, then I felt nothing, then they popped my janky toenail off like a bottlecap.
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Jan 23, 2017 23:59
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MeatwadIsGod posted:I had this once but it ruled. They stuck a long loving needle in to my big toe for local anasthetic, then I felt nothing, then they popped my janky toenail off like a bottlecap. Man that shits crazy just get a sterilized pocket knife and pliers and some rubbing alcohol and a clean tshirt or sock for blood. Doesn't hurt that bad.
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Jan 24, 2017 00:10
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:Man that shits crazy just get a sterilized pocket knife and pliers and some rubbing alcohol and a clean tshirt or sock for blood. Doesn't hurt that bad. I didn't read the quote and thought people were still talking about pooping and holy gently caress
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Jan 24, 2017 00:12
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Psycho Society posted:I didn't read the quote and thought people were still talking about pooping and holy gently caress Lol hell of a toilet kit. 
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Jan 24, 2017 00:20
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:Man that shits crazy just get a sterilized pocket knife and pliers and some rubbing alcohol and a clean tshirt or sock for blood. Doesn't hurt that bad. In my case it was a bit more severe. The ingrown toenail had been partially ripped off during a football game in high school. It looked gross as gently caress getting popped off but thanks to the anasthetic I was just like 
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Jan 24, 2017 00:59
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MeatwadIsGod posted:In my case it was a bit more severe. The ingrown toenail had been partially ripped off during a football game in high school. It looked gross as gently caress getting popped off but thanks to the anasthetic I was just like Ah poo poo that's like half the work there. Once you get the pressure off the drat thing you don't care how it hurts.
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Jan 24, 2017 01:06
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Passed a 6.5mm kidney stone. The worst part was it moving through the kidney itself
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Jan 24, 2017 01:07
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Lawrence Gilchrist posted:When I was 11 I passed out after trying to pass a 11kg hunk of poo poo. My parents took me to the children's hospital to get a barium enema xray and all I heard afterwards is that I had an underdeveloped digestive system like those neglected kids from Nicolai Ceaucescu's regime's orphanages who were never touched. They tried giving me Metamucil but that just made them bigger. Eventually my parents would give me plastic knives so I could go to the bathroom without giving myself fissures. Here I sit, broken-hearted. Came to poo poo but merely farted. I'll be here for the rest of my life. Watch out rear end in a top hat, here comes the knife.
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Jan 24, 2017 01:09
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Booblord Zagats posted:Passed a 6.5mm kidney stone. The worst part was it moving through the kidney itself I think this wins. Unless a mom comes in. I was 10.5lbs.
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Jan 24, 2017 01:11
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Minimalist Program posted:
I really appreciate the threads of what I can only guess is desiccated urethral body tissue, shorn off in the act of expelling the concentrated physical manifestation of bad choices.
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Jan 24, 2017 01:27
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When I was a fourteen year old aspie child my growing libido combined with my inability to interact with human children lead me to increasingly bizzare acts of masturbation, I had a fairly large plush sonic the hedgehog doll with a soft torso an roped joints that I had been cumming inside for around a year, for some reason in the confines of my autistic mind I developed a complex wherein I could not cum unless the situation had as much verisimilitude as possible and so one day while my parents were away I stole the collection of steak knives from the knife block and airbrushed them with blue paint. I attached the knives across sonic's back to simulate his spiney hair and spikes like a real hedgehog might have. During the act I got so deeply engrossed that I did not notice a patch of loose sheets and I fell forward, fifteen steak knives with serated edges and barely dry blue paint peirced my gut and lower torso, totally severing much of my bowels and making me incontinent to this very day.
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Jan 24, 2017 01:58
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Fractured wrist at 18, waited for hours in excruciating pain in the waiting room as patient after patient was seen and my wrist kept swelling up and hurting worse. thanks, healthcare!@
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Jan 24, 2017 02:12
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Motherfucker posted:When I was a fourteen year old aspie child my growing libido combined with my inability to interact with human children lead me to increasingly bizzare acts of masturbation, I had a fairly large plush sonic the hedgehog doll with a soft torso an roped joints that I had been cumming inside for around a year, for some reason in the confines of my autistic mind I developed a complex wherein I could not cum unless the situation had as much verisimilitude as possible and so one day while my parents were away I stole the collection of steak knives from the knife block and airbrushed them with blue paint. I attached the knives across sonic's back to simulate his spiney hair and spikes like a real hedgehog might have. During the act I got so deeply engrossed that I did not notice a patch of loose sheets and I fell forward, fifteen steak knives with serated edges and barely dry blue paint peirced my gut and lower torso, totally severing much of my bowels and making me incontinent to this very day. Post the scars
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Jan 24, 2017 02:18
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Motherfucker posted:When I was a fourteen year old aspie child my growing libido combined with my inability to interact with human children lead me to increasingly bizzare acts of masturbation, I had a fairly large plush sonic the hedgehog doll with a soft torso an roped joints that I had been cumming inside for around a year, for some reason in the confines of my autistic mind I developed a complex wherein I could not cum unless the situation had as much verisimilitude as possible and so one day while my parents were away I stole the collection of steak knives from the knife block and airbrushed them with blue paint. I attached the knives across sonic's back to simulate his spiney hair and spikes like a real hedgehog might have. During the act I got so deeply engrossed that I did not notice a patch of loose sheets and I fell forward, fifteen steak knives with serated edges and barely dry blue paint peirced my gut and lower torso, totally severing much of my bowels and making me incontinent to this very day. Now that's sexual!
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Jan 24, 2017 03:25
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Little bitch child me didn't speak up when the dentists' numbing for a filling didn't reach the right place and basically had me feel the drill into my teeth.
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Jan 24, 2017 03:32
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I used to trim my pubes in the shower. I cut about a 1cm slice into my ball sack because of this stupidity. I literally dropped to my knees in agony. I remember seeing stars and haven't felt pain like this since. I hope I never do. Oddly it didn't bleed as much as I thought it would have unless I just wasn't paying enough attention to the bleeding.
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Jan 24, 2017 03:59
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A_Account posted:I used to trim my pubes in the shower. I cut about a 1cm slice into my ball sack because of this stupidity. I literally dropped to my knees in agony. I remember seeing stars and haven't felt pain like this since. I hope I never do. How should I trim my ballsack
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Jan 24, 2017 04:00
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Burt Sexual posted:Jfc man, fiber was tried I guess? A plastic knife was the best tool? Wtc I had a family friend with a similar childhood horror story, and the story's punchline became "a pink Dairy Queen sample spoon."
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Jan 24, 2017 04:34
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I slipped on black ice and and clean fractured my left tibia and fibula Valentine's Day evening 2014. I basically shin-kicked the metal hand rail of a set of stairs while going down; I'd like to think I'd have knocked someone the gently caress out if I did it to them, but it's probably a bit of that and mostly just severe calcium deficiency. I'm in shock because I'm kinda drunk and I just moved from Texas to NYC three months ago to get away from driving everywhere and I'm thinking "No no no no no god-loving-damnit! I get up and start trying to walk and soon as I step on my left foot, my left leg may as well have not been there and I collapse to the ground. I get up, pull myself to the stoop that I just cracked broke my leg on, and call my friend that I was meeting up at with, telling him I'm hurt and am taking a cab. He winds up with me, kinda deflated from that night and now me bailing, and the cab misses me of course, I can't walk, my leg around the fracture feels very very warm around where the fracture was found to be and it's slightly puffy. No bone poking out through pierced skin or poking out I'm still in tenuous denial. He ends up fireman's carrying me to the cab. Now I've felt pain bad pain before. Soldering iron mishap, decent number of bar fights due to one or seven too many, car wreck, etc. When he starts trudging through that slush and my free-floating tibia, fibula, and foot start flopping around in my leg like fruit in a Jello? I've never felt anything remotely that physically horrible before and never want to again. I start shrieking in pain like a banshee, screaming to put me down, and down into a slush pile I go, panting at the pain, people gathering around wondering what the hell's going on as my friend summons an ambulance. 12 hours later I had a titanium rod lovingly shoved into my tibia via kneecap incision. And that first day the orthopedics department was closed, thus no crutches for 6'6" me that day, so an extra day of hospital, just waiting for the crutches. Fun times. I can probably dig up the photos of the x-ray I took if anyone actually wants to see.
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Jan 24, 2017 05:27
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Probably getting kicked in the balls.
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Jan 24, 2017 05:52
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lets see: i was bitten by a great dane in 2011, a massive dog whos head came up to my chest. it was "guarding?" my aunt because i tried to sit next to her and it snapped. it bit into my arm and sunk its giant dinosaur teeth in, and after being punched in the face by my uncle it let me go. i remember the pain was so intense I felt really out of it, and I went into shock. but even that didn't compare to the worst sinus infection I have ever had in my life. talk about pain.
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Jan 24, 2017 06:36
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CHEF!!! posted:I can probably dig up the photos of the x-ray I took if anyone actually wants to see. In order to help with the treatment my doctors had a 3d replica of my skull with realistic battle damage made. My mom somehow convinced them to give it to her and I'm sure she still has it. I really need to get that from her and display it.
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Jan 24, 2017 07:04
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I'm resistant to *caine painkillers which makes going to the dentist super fun. My previous dentist was a huge dick and didn't believe me that I could feel him drilling my teeth away. He even faked jabbing a needle in my gums as if he thought I was lying and couldn't tell that he didn't actually stick me. Goddamn he was a douche. New dentist is nice and gives me forget-me-now pills and gas and as many needle jabs as I want. <3
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Jan 24, 2017 07:07
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Horrible swimmer's ear and ear infections as a child. They gave me much codeine and I was getting motion sick from walking. Having a skewer stabbed into my ear by a problem child in 8th grade. Felt similar to the ear infections. Geodan withdrawal. It felt like sharp ants crawling beneath my skin.
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Jan 24, 2017 07:22
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Actually I take it back. The worst thing ever was in grade 4, and I got a really nasty wart from the swimming pool. It was an enormous planter that took up the entire first segment of my big toe on my left foot. My mom put on some kind of glue and would proceed to rip off the glue mostly pulling the wart with it. It ended up leaving a giant gaping hole in my toe once it was finally out. I probably got some nerve damage from that because I still can't touch the underside of that toe without getting a sickening sensation
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Jan 24, 2017 07:52
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Methanar posted:Actually I take it back. The worst thing ever was in grade 4, and I got a really nasty wart from the swimming pool. Badass Glue Mom.
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Jan 24, 2017 08:10
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Cluster headache for me too. Runner up is clinical laser hair removal... in my butthole. Lasering the balls/base of the shaft feels like a massage in comparison.
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Jan 24, 2017 08:19
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Gout. Holy gently caress. I thought I'd broken my foot. Now I take allopurinol, watch my loving diet and all is well.
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Jan 24, 2017 08:26
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Burt Sexual posted:Jfc man, fiber was tried I guess? A plastic knife was the best tool? Wtc Metamucil is fiber Burt I've had one fissure that needed surgery to fix and the pain was unbelievably bad, I can't imagine dealing with all this poo poo. The doctor tried Metamucil for me too but it just made it worse. It's good for prevention if there is no problem but when there already is one it makes it so much worse by making your poo poo nice and big.
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Jan 24, 2017 08:27
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I've had open heart surgery twice. Median sternotomy to replace an aortic valve. The first time wasn't bad besides becoming conscious while they were removing the throat tubes and you aren't supposed to be. The second time they took me off morphine/whatever opiate before I was even fully conscious. They had to put me back on a small dose once the other anesthetic wore off, but the nurse was over an hour late at one point between doses and I just wanted to die for at least 30 minutes. It was completely mentally overwhelming. There is no other way to describe the level of pain I experienced. I also had some complications with my lungs after because I puked like crazy while they were removing the tube thing. It returned to normal, but it took weeks and I had trouble maintaining oxygen levels for a few days after. It also hurt like gently caress to breathe/cough more than usual due to that I think, because it wasn't nearly as bad the other time. If you don't get an overwhelmed nurse caring for a newborn next to you while you're in the icu then it's really not as painful as you'd think, but it really sucks for at least a month if not more. It hurts to do things like breathe, sit up, and walk. But at the same time, you can't even concentrate on dumb stuff like easy video games or movies very well so you have nothing better to do than work on that stuff. There's also a weird dichotomy where you immediately feel immensely better because you don't have a poo poo valve sabotaging your energy levels 24/7, but at the same time you are less capable of functioning overall for some time after. Stubbing your toe real hard or banging your shins/knees real hard hurts a lot too. And I am sure everyone has experienced that. The sudden pain that goes away almost as quickly as it came on is far more "painful" to me than constant pain. Although that period between doses was an unreal pain level that exceeds those. Khorne fucked around with this message at 08:45 on Jan 24, 2017 |
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Jan 24, 2017 08:37
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Probably cracking open my thumbnail using an axe, I was trying to cut kindling, I missed. Being kicked in the balls is pretty bad too, also when I was on a plane when 11 or so I remember horrible ear pain from the pressure differences when the plane was descending. Oddly enough, I have had a catheter put in when fully conscious and I do not recall it hurting at all.
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Jan 24, 2017 09:36
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Really bad sinus infection topped off with learning that I was allergic to the Penicillin family and broke out in terrible hives all over my body. Eventually I just couldn't get out of bed.
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Jan 24, 2017 10:47
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Burt Sexual posted:How should I trim my ballsack Not in the shower. I did it over the toilet when last felt the need to. Waiting to buy a trimmer because I've only done it once since and I was shaking too much out of fear.
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Jan 24, 2017 11:56
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A_Account posted:Not in the shower. I did it over the toilet when last felt the need to. Waiting to buy a trimmer because I've only done it once since and I was shaking too much out of fear. Probably the worst fear response when you've got a razor to your balls.
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Jan 24, 2017 18:39
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Methanar posted:Actually I take it back. The worst thing ever was in grade 4, and I got a really nasty wart from the swimming pool. Compound W
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Jan 24, 2017 18:47
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Ok someone's ear infection reminded me. I'm old and back in the day they didn't use a lot of anesthetic I guess. They had to drain my ears of crap, so they took me in this room and proceeded to put my head in some vice thing, and strapped my legs and arms down to the chair. They then proceeded to insert a needle the size of a straw through my eardrum. Sucked out the poo poo into a syringe while I was unmedicated af gently caress my mom, more so gently caress my dad for not even coming to the procedure
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Jan 24, 2017 19:04
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IDK if this is NWS or not (I'm guessing no) but if it is a mod can just spoiler it anyway, I'm trans, so when I was younger I really wanted to cut my penis off-- the first step my seven-year-old mind came up with was to numb it I'd watched some documentaries about pioneers and learned that numbness happens during hypothermia, so I wanted to essentially freeze my dick before cutting into it. To do this, I filled a ziploc bag with ice and left it on my crotch for, like, what... one minute? It was so unbelievably far from frozen, let alone hypothermic, that I just have no explanation for why I took the following step. It was just cold but that was, to me, good enough. Step two is where the pain-train leaves the station. Using a loving steak knife in the bathroom, I took one drag across the base of my dick and it just exploded with pain. I was doubled-up on the bathroom floor crying like, well, a seven-year-old and clutching my crotch. I don't remember if there was a lot of blood, but my hands were pretty red. Luckily, no one was home so I just hid the knife and wrapped my weiner in bandaids and didn't shower for a while so scar tissue could develop before water compromised the adhesive. It looked like I was wearing a leather condom. In retrospect, it's hilarious, but I wish I'd waited a little longer on the ice
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Jan 24, 2017 19:25
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When I was 18 I had a nasal septoplasty done (it makes the bone in the middle of your nose straight so you stop being constantly congested and also not get frequent sinus infections that last forever). After the surgery they put this weird swelling gauze/packing inside my nose to stop nose bleeds. As a note, they don't recommend packing the nose post-surgery anymore. The packing in the nose thing lead to two novel 10/10 pain experiences. First, I had to sneeze. Since I'd had allergies and nasal problems forever, I had unconsciously learned how to sneeze "quietly" (barely open your mouth, the sneeze goes mostly out the nose, it barely makes a sound). The first time I tried to sneeze with the packing in I did this by habit. It was like the pressure of the sneeze ran into the packing blocking the exit and then started frantically looking in every direction for an alternate escape route. For about 5 seconds I was absolutely convinced that my brain was going explode from the pressure I felt inside my head. Second was when the packing was very rapidly removed from my nose at a followup appointment. It was so long, so wide, it boggled the imagination that so much packing could fit inside my head. Having it removed was what I imagine giving birth feels like, except via nostril route.
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Jan 24, 2017 20:19
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flick my Mr. Bean posted:Probably the worst fear response when you've got a razor to your balls. No my friend, it was all done with scissors, hence "trimming" and not shaving. The exact same type a barber uses. A razor would have probably been a safer option now that I think about it.
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Jan 24, 2017 23:59
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