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Phat Phingers posted:I have an idea. A Samurai and a little girl from the future (modern day) interact. Time travel/Genetics science idk. expect gags and silliness. Would it be more interesting if the girl was in the past or the samurai in the future? If it's in the past the girl can interact with the culture and break social norms and all that. (i.e. Samurai is about to kill a thief and she stops him) or if it's the future the girl the Samurai is kinda like her guardian angel that talks funny. Lone Wolf and Cub cyberpunk. Or Cassette Futurism. I'd read it. If you want to go with the future/past route, maybe the girl discovers a way to contact her ancient ancestor, the samurai, and helps him become a better person/fighter. Maybe she's trying to change her future by influencing her past samurai ancestor to go from being a bastard ronin to a great shogun. Waffle! fucked around with this message at 22:30 on Mar 28, 2024 |
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Mar 28, 2024 14:14
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I've got a question for the thread. What do you do when a work just... isn't coming together in the way you envisioned? I'm not talking about something like a "happy accident" where some random tangent develops into something more interesting than what you had planned, more this idea of whatever voice or style you try for the piece just doesn't feel right for the work. I've been working on this book for the better part of four years off and on, but stylistically it's all over the place. One draft is a star trek style space opera. Another is a kind of lovecraftian style thing, another is just William Burrough's cutup worship. The problem is, none of these drafts are giving me that "click," that feeling of "yeah, this is good, we've got something here." I'm just trying to enjoy all the left hand turns and adjacent art these drafts have introduced me to (the Burroughs style draft got me interested in playing around with recordings of reading the text and spoken word in general,) but it's also a little frustrating because I'd like to finish at least one draft, but I can't seem to commit to a voice the whole way through, even though I have scenes and beats and the whole general plot written out. It's a bit like the work is actively fighting me. I guess my question is, should you roll with the punches, or is there a moment where you buckle down and think "right, do or die, a draft is getting finished." ? magic cactus fucked around with this message at 18:58 on Mar 30, 2024 |
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Mar 30, 2024 18:56
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Can't say this is necessarily the right answer for anyone who isn't me, but when I've found myself in that spot, I drop it and move on to the next thing. Once I went back a couple years later and rewrote the story I'd dropped and it turned out adequately. The other two times I never went back. It happens. Another thing you can do that I did once with a story I decided like 20,000 words in was Not Working was to start over but do it radically differently in terms of perspective and narrative style.
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Mar 30, 2024 19:04
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magic cactus posted:I've got a question for the thread. What do you do when a work just... isn't coming together in the way you envisioned? I'm not talking about something like a "happy accident" where some random tangent develops into something more interesting than what you had planned, more this idea of whatever voice or style you try for the piece just doesn't feel right for the work. I've been working on this book for the better part of four years off and on, but stylistically it's all over the place. One draft is a star trek style space opera. Another is a kind of lovecraftian style thing, another is just William Burrough's cutup worship. The problem is, none of these drafts are giving me that "click," that feeling of "yeah, this is good, we've got something here." Put it aside. I've had something I was working on for a while, but the problem is that too much of it focused explicitly on two characters interacting. I needed more characters, but they all came in later and I couldn't figure out how to put characters in to pad out the cast earlier. So it's shelved.
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Mar 30, 2024 19:18
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Stabbey_the_Clown posted:Put it aside. I've had something I was working on for a while, but the problem is that too much of it focused explicitly on two characters interacting. I needed more characters, but they all came in later and I couldn't figure out how to put characters in to pad out the cast earlier. So it's shelved. I have about 100k of a story that just kind of petered out. It needs another 50k to "be done" but I don't want something that long. If I feel like going back, I'll mercilessly hack the boring parts out. I tried to make a cyberpunk space opera and I think I need to do one or the other.
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Mar 30, 2024 20:05
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beep-beep car is go posted:I have about 100k of a story that just kind of petered out. It needs another 50k to "be done" but I don't want something that long. If I feel like going back, I'll mercilessly hack the boring parts out. I tried to make a cyberpunk space opera and I think I need to do one or the other. theres some interesting tension between cyberpunk and space opera, like cyberpunk is cynical and often focused on how people are trapped, where (at least the most classic formulation of) space opera is romantic and often about freedom (lots of exotic locations, untamed planets etc), and both genres are 'enabled' by technology.
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Mar 30, 2024 20:14
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juggalo baby coffin posted:theres some interesting tension between cyberpunk and space opera, like cyberpunk is cynical and often focused on how people are trapped, where (at least the most classic formulation of) space opera is romantic and often about freedom (lots of exotic locations, untamed planets etc), and both genres are 'enabled' by technology. Right, mine was people living in a cyberpunk life on a huge space station and then getting picked up into the wider galaxy that was more space opera and trying to make a point something like Cyberpunk for those Without, Space Opera for those With.
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Mar 30, 2024 20:32
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magic cactus posted:I've got a question for the thread. What do you do when a work just... isn't coming together in the way you envisioned? I'm not talking about something like a "happy accident" where some random tangent develops into something more interesting than what you had planned, more this idea of whatever voice or style you try for the piece just doesn't feel right for the work. I've been working on this book for the better part of four years off and on, but stylistically it's all over the place. One draft is a star trek style space opera. Another is a kind of lovecraftian style thing, another is just William Burrough's cutup worship. The problem is, none of these drafts are giving me that "click," that feeling of "yeah, this is good, we've got something here." Does the novel have multiple povs or just one? Because letting the pov define the story’s voice is the likeliest way something is going to click. And if it is multiple pov, then varying the narrative voice for each pov is something you could maintain throughout the story. Even with a single pov character, you’re allowed to modulate the voice to fit the tone of whatever events are happening. It sounds like you’ve done a lot of interesting experiments, but yeah, if none of them are clicking, perhaps it’s because those voices don’t have enough relation to the pov characters? Even in 3rd person, that relationship between their personality and the narrative voice is something you do unless you’re going for objective pov or a specific narrator with their own voice
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Mar 30, 2024 22:14
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Fun experiment if your story's not clicking and you're getting frustrated with it: Go all J.M. Barrie/Lemony Snicket on it. Seriously, just rewrite it in the voice of a narrator who thinks the story is trash and the characters deserved more suffering than they got. What you end up with won't likely be any good on its own. But it's fun, and the exercise might open up some possibility space for you.
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Mar 30, 2024 22:47
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Eric the Mauve posted:Fun experiment if your story's not clicking and you're getting frustrated with it: Go all J.M. Barrie/Lemony Snicket on it. Seriously, just rewrite it in the voice of a narrator who thinks the story is trash and the characters deserved more suffering than they got. Well that's certainly an idea that I might use on my next WIP.
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Apr 2, 2024 00:12
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Hi thread, it's been a while since I've asked for a blurb crit so here goes. This is for a second book in a series, which I'm probably gonna be pitching as "Six of Crows meets The Well of Ascension" (or maybe a vastly inferior The Monster Baru Cormorant because everybody hates The Well of Ascension). I have two options that I'm debating:quote:BLURB OPTION 1: quote:BLURB OPTION 2: I'm currently leaning Option 1 but I don't know if it leads people to expect another predominantly single POV book when this one is going to be multi-POV. I'm also looking for a second round of beta readers for a "go/no go" beta read. Because this thing is a chonk (proooobably will be 200–220k in total), it is going out in stages. Act I (83k words) is ready. No obligation to have read Book 1. If this sounds like your jam and you've got the bandwidth to turn around feedback on the first chunk in ~4 weeks, then PM me (or if you don't have PMs, let me know where to reach you in the thread).
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Apr 4, 2024 06:17
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Leng posted:Hi thread, it's been a while since I've asked for a blurb crit so here goes. This is for a second book in a series, which I'm probably gonna be pitching as "Six of Crows meets The Well of Ascension" (or maybe a vastly inferior The Monster Baru Cormorant because everybody hates The Well of Ascension). I have two options that I'm debating: I think you should go with #1. I figure the primary purpose of this blurb is to get readers of Book 1 to pick up Book 2, so you want to stay focused on Rahelu. The secondary purpose is to get new readers to go back and buy Book 1 (I know I've picked up a few fantasy trilogies after reading the blurb of the 2nd or 3rd). And for those readers, a long list of undefined Fantasy Nouns (Seeker, Guardian, etc) is probably a turnoff. It's an interesting question in general: to what extent should a blurb be about managing expectations? Is it a bad thing if people buy the book expecting single-POV and get surprised? I guess in theory, they might be annoyed at their expectations being unmet, and then post negative reviews. But that seems like a pretty low risk to me. Most readers of epic fantasy must be used to both single and multi-POV novels.
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Apr 4, 2024 08:00
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Leng posted:Hi thread, it's been a while since I've asked for a blurb crit so here goes. This is for a second book in a series, which I'm probably gonna be pitching as "Six of Crows meets The Well of Ascension" (or maybe a vastly inferior The Monster Baru Cormorant because everybody hates The Well of Ascension). I have two options that I'm debating: Also, I think what's missing from both blurbs is something that conveys: "to find the Endless Gate, they have to get on a ship and sail to the edge of the known world". Because that's a key selling point for fantasy series IMO--in the second book I want to see the world open up, geographically as well as politically. You absolutely deliver that in the novel, but it isn't apparent from these blurbs.
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Apr 5, 2024 03:25
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Leng posted:Hi thread, it's been a while since I've asked for a blurb crit so here goes. This is for a second book in a series, which I'm probably gonna be pitching as "Six of Crows meets The Well of Ascension" (or maybe a vastly inferior The Monster Baru Cormorant because everybody hates The Well of Ascension). I have two options that I'm debating: Option 1 hands down. Being familiar with the story, the first one feels much more true to what you're going to get. Also it's waaay more compelling to me personally because I love character stories and character strife and conflict. I don't think the focus on Rahelu is necessarily going to have people thinking it's all single POV - she's the main character and predominant POV and so carries the story so it makes sense to keep the blurb streamlined and just talk about her, and plenty of books are multi-POV and still revolve around a single protagonist. All in all, blurb sounds like something I'd read. The second one gives me inspired-by-my-D&D-campaign ensemble cast kinda vibes, as well as the kind of tabletop worldbuilding (the kind I don't like) where there's a lot of emphasis on factions and arbitrary alternate terminology for everything and probably not so great character writing because all the creative energy went to worldbuilding the factions and whatnot (when I know for a fact that there is indeed great, voicey character writing). Basically, it kinda sells the story short, in my opinion, and would likely make me pass on the book if I saw it in the wild. Sailor Viy posted:Also, I think what's missing from both blurbs is something that conveys: "to find the Endless Gate, they have to get on a ship and sail to the edge of the known world". Because that's a key selling point for fantasy series IMO--in the second book I want to see the world open up, geographically as well as politically. You absolutely deliver that in the novel, but it isn't apparent from these blurbs. Definitely agreed on this.
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Apr 6, 2024 04:27
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Leng posted:Hi thread, it's been a while since I've asked for a blurb crit so here goes. This is for a second book in a series, which I'm probably gonna be pitching as "Six of Crows meets The Well of Ascension" (or maybe a vastly inferior The Monster Baru Cormorant because everybody hates The Well of Ascension). I have two options that I'm debating: To give the PoV of someone who's not familiar with the series, I'd agree that Option 1 is stronger for the reasons the other gave; a list of characters with a trait or two apiece and little idea of how they're going to fit into the plot is much less interesting than a tight focus on a single character, their goals and obstacles.
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Apr 6, 2024 14:41
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One piece of feedback i get pretty often on my writing is that I'm good at world-building, or I guess more specifically introducing people to worlds I've built, and I see a lot of work in all forms of media where there is a great world built, but it's let down by not conveying that world well. I feel weirdly arrogant telling anyone else how to write but eh w/e, here are my tips: 1: Don't feel like you have to explain everything at once - this is something people understand a lot better when writing short fiction, but are less good at in longer format. It's understandable to want your audience to understand the world so you can get on with the business of telling your stories in that world, but loading up too much too fast will a) not stick in your readers brain and b) not explain why the reader should care about all this detail. This is something my own posts in this thread will show lol, I am terrible at over-explaining when I am speaking in my own voice and not my prose voice. Short stories often function like mystery boxes, unfolding gradually as they go, but you can treat your setting like a mystery advent-calender, introducing elements that make people say 'huh what is that?' and then revealing it a little while later. I sometimes think of this strategy as mention, mention, explain, mention. You have characters refer to something, or perhaps use it in a 'black box' way, an appropriate number of times, then later have a situation that requires greater elaboration on the subject. So for example, I've got a setting about necromancers, I mention 'blacklight' a few times in ways that suggest I am not talking about UV light, but the characters don't clarify. The reader learns somehting about how it looks, and the effect it has, but it's not until much later on that a character has to maintain a blacklight machine that exactly what it is is gone into. Then afterwards, when blacklight is mentioned the reader, they have a new context for it, and a new context when they look back on stuff they didn't understand earlier. I'm simplifying a bit ofc for the example. This can also give the impression of hidden depth that may not be there (yet). If you mention a thing by name a bunch, then later reveal that there's rich lore behind it, it suggests to the reader that everything else you've mentioned also has that detail just beneath the surface. Even if that detail is always just made up on the spot. The real world is infinitely complex and you aren't going to be able to replicate that, 2: Think about the setting you live in - another kinda obvious one, but a very solid exercise. Thinking about how you interact with your world is a good way to both find how a character from a world thinks about that world. For example, when you go outside, do you look at a car and think 'ah a v-6 internal combustion vehicle, invented 125 years ago, fuelled using a slurry of processed ancient plant remains'? You might know all those things, but they probably aren't at the forefront of your mind in your day-to-day. Predominantly, you think about things to the degree they provide friction in your life; good or bad. But if you ARE the type of person who looks at a car and thinks that, that is also valid because it tells the reader a lot about the character. How much a character knows or thinks about the details of their setting is a valuable narrative tool. Acknowledging how much of our lives are shaped by the weird world we live in can also help you avoid having a fantabulous weird setting where everyone still somehow behaves and talks exactly like 21st century sci-fi writers. Especially today it is noticeable how huge the impact of modern society has been on human relationships and social structures, looking at what your own actions are incentivized by can help you see how your characters lives would be different, based on lacking or intensifying those incentives. Thinking about the day of an average person in your setting can also help you notice which elements your setting doesn't have yet 3: Understand your setting so you can gently caress it up - ultimately your world is a kit of parts, like a machine, to make cool stories happen. And like a machine it is advisable for you to understand how the pieces of it interact, so that if you gently caress with it you understand the likely consequences. This is most often a problem in fantasy settings: something gets introduced that, if you think about it for more than five minutes, removes half the incentives that made the setting interesting to begin with. Good ol JK rowling did this with the time turners, then fixed it by having the cupboard with all the time turners in get pushed over. However, there's a better way to tackle that type of thing. You're always probably gonna miss some detail somewhere, but if you understand your setting from its first principles, you can mine a LOT of story out of how that setting responds to a shift in its basic incentives. I'd argue that if you do introduce something that feels 'videogamey', having it get taken away from the characters outside of cutscenes will only make it feel extra gamey. Working through how it all interacts can give you ideas you never would think of on your own. A world is a mass of opposing tensions, and destabilising that will lead to it settling into a new stable shape.
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Apr 6, 2024 18:20
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Does anyone have a document or area full of small ideas, not big enough to make into full books but good enough to save an interesting line or a funny gag or a minor character for if you need it? Because I might start one for this small idea I had of "Robot character saves someone in/around/over water but in process gets extremely wet, when we next see them they are recovering in a tank full of rice like a smartphone".
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Apr 8, 2024 00:49
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Junpei posted:Does anyone have a document or area full of small ideas, not big enough to make into full books but good enough to save an interesting line or a funny gag or a minor character for if you need it? you have the first line, ctrl c ctrl v little buddy
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Apr 8, 2024 01:09
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well yeah that's what I just did man I was just asking if it was common, the document has already been made by the time I had posted that
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Apr 8, 2024 01:12
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Absolutely. I’ve got a notebook I take everywhere. Any idea, every idea*, gets jotted down. Even if I don’t have a plan for it off the jump. Once a week or so I’ll type them all up into my notes doc and tag them with stuff like #joke #diologuefor(character) #ohgodnotanotherbookidea and so forth. *I’ve said it before, but I made a rule to drop whatever I’m doing and write ideas down when I get them. No exceptions. Since then, my cup runneth over.
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Apr 8, 2024 01:49
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Junpei posted:Does anyone have a document or area full of small ideas, not big enough to make into full books but good enough to save an interesting line or a funny gag or a minor character for if you need it? "Keep a writing journal" is really common advice for anyone even halfway serious about writing (or forgetful).
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Apr 8, 2024 02:37
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Safety Biscuits posted:"Keep a writing journal" is really common advice for anyone even halfway serious about writing (or forgetful). This is why I make a "scratch" page in Scrivener and keep it open in a separate pane for everything I write, including work docs
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Apr 8, 2024 04:15
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Separate sections for "here's an idea for a thing", "here's a snippet I might reuse", "here's a cool word I like", "here's every time someone said something nice about me". (The last one is pretty small.)
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Apr 8, 2024 10:52
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I finally connected the first chapters I wrote over a year ago back to the beginning. I started in the middle and worked my way up to it. Feels good I can move on to the next story beat. > Rose wakes up in a burning building she was supposed to protect. Cool! How?? E: \/ Yes, she was knocked out by a bad guy. Waffle! fucked around with this message at 02:54 on Apr 9, 2024 |
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Apr 9, 2024 02:39
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is it feasible that she was knocked out by someone, or put to sleep with a spell?
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Apr 9, 2024 02:48
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After years of delay and dissembling I have finally been coached into an appointment to get screened for Bad Executive Function 
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Apr 10, 2024 14:41
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Congratulations, General, that's awesome! Hope it's helpful.
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Apr 10, 2024 15:47
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It took me a long time to find the right medication to fix my executive function, and since I’ve actually been able to sustain a daily writing and reading habit (along with regular workouts and taking care of mundane reality). Here’s hoping you find a similar solution soon 
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Apr 10, 2024 15:55
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I've been on the same scramble, and I finally can function pretty well in day to day life, but the tradeoff is that I frequently have zero desire to write now (or any other creative pursuit). It sucks, and I'm left kind of asking myself whether it's more important to me to not feel like a perpetual low-key fuckup, or be excited about writing.
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Apr 10, 2024 15:57
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MockingQuantum posted:I've been on the same scramble, and I finally can function pretty well in day to day life, but the tradeoff is that I frequently have zero desire to write now (or any other creative pursuit). It sucks, and I'm left kind of asking myself whether it's more important to me to not feel like a perpetual low-key fuckup, or be excited about writing. I’ve been through that. I relied so much on hyperfocus and obsession to write, that once that was leveled out I kinda wallowed in meh just trying to get my basic poo poo together for a while. The biggest thing I figured out is if I don’t do things at the right time, they won’t happen, because my brain goes through cycles of ability/attention throughout the day. These cycles are gonna be different for everyone, so it takes time to figure out when you feel like doing certain things (or when you even can) and trying to build a routine around it. For me, if I don’t get some writing/editing done first thing in the morning, I’m not gonna be able to do it later once all the distractions of daily life roll in. Years ago I used to fight this the opposite way, by staying up light writing like crazy, but since I did CBT to fix my insomnia I can’t stay up late anymore. Because I started getting up early (totally against my will at first) I started using that time to write instead. If I try to write/edit later in the day, I just can’t focus on it at all. So now I get up, have breakfast and tea, and read a bit of something to get me in the mood (usually some kinda writing book or blog). Then jump straight into writing for a couple hours. In the same way I have to do my workout in the late morning or around noon. If I do it too late, it feels sluggish and horrible. I have to have lunch right before or after. When I was doing it too early in the morning, I wasn’t doing any writing. By the time I finished my workout, I was no longer in the right headspace. I’d be too awake and rearing to get other poo poo done. I found it’s much better for me to leave active chores and poo poo until the afternoon, because by then my creative focus is shot but I still have physical energy to do all the boring poo poo I gotta do to live. I can manage to do other hobbies though, like the study it takes to learn another language or something. I just can’t make fresh good words by then. Also this is when my neighbor tends to spontaneously pop by and ask if she can have tea with me, which is fine. And I try to schedule appointments for the afternoon now too. And whatever I don’t get done by dinnertime won’t get done at all. I’ve learned to accept my evenings as time off to read or watch tv (usually reading), which lets me settle down before bed, get straight to sleep, and wake fully recharged in the morning. After I figured all this out for myself, I realized this is exactly how my autistic dad learned how to function working from home. He does his work in the morning, eats lunch, works out, then spends all afternoon fiddling around with hobbies and the evenings watching tv or reading and hanging out with my mom. Actually I kinda knew that for years, but it took the right medication to realize it was something I could do too. Being medicated to basically functional is a great time to figure out how to cobble together a routine for a non-neurotypical brain. I really hope I can keep this up, even if I only get a little bit of writing done slowly every day, rather than being the flailing fuckup who only wrote madly sometimes. I hope the routine idea can help someone else in the same boat too Stuporstar fucked around with this message at 19:19 on Apr 10, 2024 |
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Apr 10, 2024 19:10
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who needs grammar or whatever this is the real fiction advice (adhd meds helped me so much its unreal)
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Apr 10, 2024 19:17
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im currently going thru the adhd diagnosis process and i have been worried that i will write less if there isnt a sucking black hole of dopamine-lust driving me forward also by way of writing advice here are weird things i do that work for me: - tricking myself into writing by starting a different task i like even less, and letting myself procrastinate by writing. it seems to shortcut some of the executive dysfunction for me. - my best prose is always written via the extremely stupid technique of imagining a scene, then imagining a cool narrator describing the scene and just writing down what they say. sometimes I have trouble accessing that voice, but when it works I can rattle out surprisingly good prose, and it flows more naturally and easily. - sometimes i prime the pump for writing by going for a walk and thinking about how i'd describe stuff i see and experience on the walk, it puts my brain into 'putting words in order' mode better than just sitting at the keyboard trying to remember how to fuckin write.
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Apr 10, 2024 20:34
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juggalo baby coffin posted:im currently going thru the adhd diagnosis process and i have been worried that i will write less if there isnt a sucking black hole of dopamine-lust driving me forward These all work really well for me too. A few others: - priming the pump by reading the last bit of my wip before going to bed and trying to imagine the scene as I drift off to sleep - imagining the scene I’m gonna write as I slowly wake up (with the cat slung across my head purring). CBT + cat usually wakes me up early, so I got some time to wallow (and the cat won’t let me fall back asleep) - reading stories close in tone to what I’m currently writing, usually before bed - even better if the blog/book I’m reading on writing before the start has some advice that actually applies to what I’m working on - letting myself leave a scene or paragraph unfinished as soon as my brain fizzles out in the morning, because my subconscious will be cooking it on the backburner while I go about the rest of my day. Or if I must, putting down words I know are wrong so they can sit there and unconsciously bug me. By the time I wake up the next day, the right words usually come to me
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Apr 10, 2024 21:39
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Stuporstar posted:I’ve been through that. I relied so much on hyperfocus and obsession to write, that once that was leveled out I kinda wallowed in meh just trying to get my basic poo poo together for a while. I'm not medicated but a similar thing is true for me. I can only write in the morning or at night. If I try to work out at 9am or 6pm instead of the 11am-2pm window, I am at least 30% weaker. I hate it. With my current work schedule, I have these big open, distraction free periods of time in the afternoon which should be perfect for writing, but . . . nothing happens. (reading is completely different, I can read under virtually any circumstances)
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Apr 11, 2024 03:49
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I found getting medicated helped me to do creative things. I spend less time in executive function paralysis these days.
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Apr 11, 2024 04:03
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HopperUK posted:I found getting medicated helped me to do creative things. I spend less time in executive function paralysis these days. That's a relief to hear. executive function paralysis makes writing pretty hard, since writing is like making thousands of decisions in a row. Stuporstar posted:These all work really well for me too. A few others: I've done a couple of these but will have to try the others, the human brain seems great at crunching stuff behind the scenes. Like i'll struggle for an evening trying to figure out how to write a scene, then wake up the next day and it'll seem obvious.
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Apr 11, 2024 18:41
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I'm closing in on finishing out the draft for In Sekhmet's Wake, the sequel novel in my Boys meets Evangelion anticapitalist post-superhero thriller series, and I wouldn't mind some feedback on this quick blurb!quote:The year is 2061 and the world is ending. Sabra Kasembe, erstwhile savior of the world, hones her mind and body for her prophesied apocalypse, unsure whether her dreams paint her as a humane champion or blood-soaked harbinger. When an explosion rips through downtown Geneva, her investigation brings her face to face with none other than her nemesis-turned-ally Jack Harper. I don't know if it should go longer, but Shadow's blurb was about this long and it got a few compliments (including from Peter Watts!) so I'm figuring I should stick with that general idea. Milkfred E. Moore fucked around with this message at 03:08 on Apr 15, 2024 |
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Apr 15, 2024 02:59
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Milkfred E. Moore posted:I'm closing in on finishing out the draft for In Sekhmet's Wake, the sequel novel in my Boys meets Evangelion anticapitalist post-superhero thriller series, and I wouldn't mind some feedback on this quick blurb! The year is 2061 and the world is ending. The information reveal here is banal Sabra Kasembe, erstwhile savior of the world, hones her mind and body for her prophesied apocalypse, unsure whether her dreams paint her as a humane champion or blood-soaked harbinger. I like character drama, and this has it. I'd lead with this sentence. Interesting that instead of the world's apocalypse, its her personal apocalypse? When an explosion rips through downtown Geneva, her investigation brings her face to face with none other than her nemesis-turned-ally Jack Harper. But Harper comes with a warning. Neat so far. There's an insidious threat aimed at the heart of Sabra's lover, a vast paramilitary conspiracy of living legends and extant saviors. Going to be a bit snarky here, but a threat aimed at the heart is different then a threat aimed at the leg? To stop them, Sabra must unleash Harper upon an unsuspecting Geneva, even if it risks flirting with the apocalypse that simmers in her wake. Because Sabra must hone her soul to save Revenant's life no matter the cost--or Sekhmet will light her raging funeral pyre in the heart of the Functioning World. I don't know who Revenant is, Or sekhmet, and I don't care because well, they haven't been brought up. First part of the blurb was where I was most interested. Think you botch the middle part of the blurb, and the last part of it is relying on readers having read your original book.
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Apr 15, 2024 03:31
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There's a little bit of wonkiness in paragraph 2 sentence 2 where it sounds like the heart of Sabra's lover is a vast paramilitary conspiracy.
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Apr 15, 2024 03:32
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Is there a link to the first blurb/book so I can have extra context if it's not too much?
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Apr 15, 2024 03:44
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